Hi Choconut, I'm first up so I am reviewing the master page for I Write 2019. I've never review this type of writing before but I think this one will be easy. I found the information organized and clear. The use of isolated groups in changing color helps keep order in the reader's mind.
Your pinned post of Welcome is even more orderly, clearer and easier to read, you might want to integrate them.
I really appreciate the write ahead or make up that is available through the year. All kinds of life surprises can prevent us from entering a contest in a week and until you provided the make up month, I would never have completed the 52 entries. Now we can plan for trips and emergencies and still stay on track. Thank you so much.
Could I suggest that under the "Review" information that you suggest that when reviewing under "Group Affiliation" the reviewer choose "I Write" rather than the various other groups to which they may belong. After all, this forum produces a lot of reviews on a regular basis and should get credit for them.
I was really challenged by I Write 2018 and am excited about taking on a new year.
Hi KT, Welcome to WDC. It is always exciting to see new writers at this site.
I ran across this draft on Read and Review. I wonder if you should put this on Private; For your Eyes Only, setting until you have had a chance to proof read and make corrections. However since I have it up for review, here are a few of my thoughts: It is your piece, use what may be helpful and ignore the rest. This review is just one person's opinion.
Keeping in mind it is only a draft and not the finished product, I wondered if English is not your 1st language, there are syntax errors that suggest such. Of course there are errors, all drafts have them, spelling, typing and syntax. I think the biggest problem with it from my perspective, it is so abstract.
This is the best line in the piece: "even you with your scars bleeding, your eyes weeping, your heart racing and your mind immersing in the depth of your dark soul". This is something the reader can grasp. Concrete images tell a story better than abstracts.
The emotion you convey in the draft is worth exploring and sharing. With some work it could be an interesting read.
I look forward to reading what you do with this. In the meantime, I didn't want to rate it but it wouldn't close without a rating. Let me know when it is a finished product and I will come back and rerate it. Hopefully I was able to offer some insight as to how a reader would react to this.
Sorry, I copied my original review that somehow I marked private in error, (I don't know how I did that} I can't edit to change it but I can clear it and send it again. I still don't see anything that would make this private. I apologize. ~~Tink
Review of Wheel of Fortune
Review by Tinker (136)
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access: Private Make public 12/14
Given: Dec 3, 2018 at 6:16pm
Length: 568 Characters | 568 w/o WritingML
Hi Ridinghood, I follow you at I Write and enjoyed reading Rust Never Sleeps. The images you paint in this poem are unique and almost startling. "will my titanium knees melt when I'm cremated?" What a great line and a shocking mind picture. I could watch the knees melting. Yikes.
I loved the title but felt it redundant to open the poem with the same phrase. This is just a personal preference. It is your poem, feel free to ignore that comment.
Yes my favorite part of the poem was the "titanium knees" though it made me cringe.
Hi Genipher, You are my last I Write review for 2019.
I love it that it is a Flash Fiction, still something I want to challenge myself with.
Your prose reads like poetry. The description of the mountains and the city and "his" emotions were palpable. The end, made me smile. But it might be considered a bit sexist even if it does fit with the myths. I kind of felt a let down hoping for more of a surprise. But it was a logical conclusion.
I especially loved this line: "His eyes flickered to the mountains that lay north of the city and then to the sun that was slowly making its nightly decline into their pointed peaks."
Hi Ridinghood, I followed your poem "Burnt Orange" into Week 46 at I Write. Amazingly, just the right message I needed to hear right now.
After a turbulent couple of weeks with the midterm elections I vowed to take control of my blood pressure and forget politics for a bit. Haha and here you come with the most calm, common sense approach to the most volatile subject. A political poem that leads with the intellect not the emotions. And you are right, it matters.
What I liked best about your poem was the steady rhythm that gave importance to your words without pushing buttons to ignite. Just a slow steady burn. Really a welcome change. Thank you.
Hi Genipher, I got to read An Appointment in Erfoud for I Write and it's writing like this that makes you one of my favorites. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this short story. The story was fluid, different and written with a twist I didn't see coming. I know Morocco was part of the prompt but you took it to the next level, introducing your reader to a different culture, new words and painted a picture of an exotic and fascinating place.
I found no rhetorical or grammatic errors but who is looking for them when they are caught up in the color and perfume of a market in Morocco?
My favorite part was the pictures you painted revealing the culture such as:
" A small band of musicians played along the side of the road. Śmierć paused and swayed to the sound of the darbuka , oud , and taarija . She was particularly impressed with the skills of Jamal and how he played the kamenjah resting vertically on his knees. Glancing at the sky, Śmierć sighed. While she would love to stay and dance with abandon under the moon, she had an appointment to keep."
Hi Jeff, I'm reviewing your "Social Claustrophobia" for I Write. Amen, Brother! I feel your rant and might I add, this politically correctness is also the death of humor. You can't crack a joke, it is going to offend someone.
So obviously I heard the content and the emotion and the common sense behind it.
As far as the writing, it probably would be more powerful and more likely to be read if you condensed (a lot).
Hi Carley, I'm reviewing your "Tornado Devastation", which was the post before mine at I Write.
I began my review pausing at "Watson's road", thinking that's odd, shouldn't it be "Watson Road"? Who owns a road? This is just me bringing my world into your story, there is a Watson Road nearby and no one would ever call it "Watson's road". Noone know who "Watson" is anymore.
To get back to your writing, beyond that little hiccup I stopped reviewing. I got so caught up in your story, I didn't even think about the technique or punctuation or syntax. I just peddled along with the three kids as fast as I could, scared to death by the happenings around me.
This pulled me in and held me to the end. Congratulations on the Win. I understand why.
Hi Genipher, I'm reviewing your " Robotic Birthday" for I Write. This was really interesting. It took me a couple of sentences to realize the characters weren't human. Then the plot thickens, war vs peace. The emotion of rejection and acceptance and the surprise conclusion. I liked this very much.
Hi Angel, I’m reviewing your, “Insanity” for I Write.
This little poem captures a mood. Simple and dark. You made appropriate use of the prompt word and met the syllabic requirement. Small poems are difficult but you managed to communicate the intended emotion.
Hi Jeff, I see you got your entry for I Write just under the wire. Living on the west coast it is only a little after 9pm here and I just got mine posted, and you are my review. To Uber or Not to Uber....
I found your Blog fascinating. Living in a rural area where so far, Uber is not an option and there is one taxi that services an 80 mile area this was all foreign stuff to me. I did go to San Francisco State years ago and used public transportation but never a taxi. I've taken a taxi in Mexico, that was an experience. I haven't heard of anyone who has actually used Uber yet. Although I've had an inquiry about insurance for someone thinking about driving for Uber. I'm an insurance agent. State Farm does provide protection for a cost if the Uber driving is less than 50% of your miles driving. More than 50% and they won't insure the car. Personally, if I were ever to visit New York I would feel much safer in a taxi that is regulated than to get in some stranger's car.
Sorry, your writing is flawless, interesting and gives the reader to think about. Nice.
HI Ken, Time for me to get back to reviewing more and I was delighted to click on Read and Review and find one of yours "Reflections" to read. One of your older ones but none the less quite nice.
A Villanelle, my favorite poem is a Villanelle, "rage, rage with the dying of the light". I've always wanted to write a line that would resonate in someone's mind like Dylan Thomas' Do Not Go Gently. Whenever I write a Villanelle or read one I can't help but compare to that masterpiece. No you didn't succeed in matching the genius but you did pretty good as most Villanelles go. It is tough form because of the limited rhyme but you made it seem effortless.
My favorite line "Vague wisps of what was begin to rewind" and though I'm not a stickler about punctuation I'm thinking a comma or a dash for dramatic effect might work after "Was" in the line. Just a thought.
Hi HOOves, You’ve graciously reviewed some of my poems and I’m returning the favor with a review of your poem Scent of the Rain.
I thought the sonnet form interesting and effective, made up of 4 quatrains with short lines followed by a longer lined couplet, rhyme aaxx bbxx ccxx ddxx ee. What is important in a sonnet is that it sings and this poem does. Although i think it may have been more fluid with longer lines.
I especially loved “Basset hound days / sleeping dog lays”.
As usual I enjoyed reading your work. Good luck in the contest.
Hi Neva, I am reviewing your delightful and Flash Fiction “Kitten Sitter.
Reading this quick little scenario warmed my heart and made me smile.
The dialogue was clear, the story unique, and humor put the cherry on top. There was nothing technically distracting. This simple short story provides a fell good moment. Thank you.
Hi Jeff, I'm back reviewing another of your entries here at WCD for I Write. We must be on a similar writing schedule. No worries, I enjoy reading your work. Today I review "Is Kylie Jenner Really a self-Made Millionaire?" Haha, normally I bypass reading anything on the Kardashian/Jenner clan but they are hard to avoid and I recognized the name Kylie Jenner even if someone asked me to name all of the members of the clan I really could only come up with Kim and Chloe. (Chloe used to be married to one of my favorite basketball players before he screwed up his life on drugs.) And oh of course Bruce Jenner, he was a keynote speaker at a convention I attended decades ago.
Back your writing, I found your article interesting with sound arguements and relevant views. The blog is logically constructed and leads your reader to the conclusion you have drawn. I have to say, it occured to me while reading that no one is really self made. Most of us with some success in our lives have had some outside help along the way. But you are right, while most of us start in the batting cage, people like Kylie and Trump did start from 3rd base. I thought the anology creative.
I don't look for technical errors (spelling, punctuation etc) unless they jump out at me and disrupt the flow of the piece. I saw no distractions.
This blog was well written and maintained my interest.
Hi Jeff, I’m reviewing you “First Snow” found at I Write while I sit poolside in the shade of 114 degree heat watching grandkids playing in the water. This will be a bit rushed because I am about to jump in with them to cool down a bit.
Your compliance with the elements of the Rondolet is seamless. The content refreshing and welcome in this heat. The simplicity felt a little Hallmark but sometimes that is all the reader needs. It was comforting to read. Cozy. I liked the Sonics, the fluidity and the message.
Hi HOOves, I'm reviewing your "Chasing Monday" for I Write. Love the title but I'm unsure I grasp the meaning of how or why, and yet I liked the sound and imagery.
This is one I will come back to. It ignites my own thoughts. Monday is a springboard for the rest of the week. It sets the tone and propels us forward.
I thought your imagery, clear and unique.
"crystal shore of wasted tears"
"Monday's a day like a melody no one hears in time"
Hi HOOves, I ran across your “Nobody likes a passive sardine sandwich” and couldn’t resist reading. What a dynamite title! Who could possibly pass this by?
Have I heard or read the passive / active subject before? Of course, probably everyone interested in writing has. However, not presented with humor and clarity such as this.
Did I come away from your advise a better writer? I certainly came away more alerted and aware and the next thing I write I will scrutinize with your article in mind.
Hi Jeff, I am reviewing your June Entries for Cards Against Authors. I don't quite know how to review this type of writing.
I was not familiar with this activity and found it challenging. My first reaction was to try it myself and of course my response had no humor at all. The humor part is the real challenge. #s 2 and 3 were my favorite, I couldn't quite visualize the backward green light of #1.
Haha Ridinghood, This was a fun, lyrical response that I thoroughly enjoyed. I’m a flip flop kind of gal myself. I tend to dread winter when I have to stuff my feet into shoes.
Your poem had a lightness, made playful by the rhyme. Sometimes it is the jingle like poems that I enjoy most of all.
Hi DJ, I'm reviewing your "Values Consorted" from Read and Review. I have to say the bold print and fond choice through out the poem made it difficult to read. The letters seemed to get fuzzy and blend.
I'm unsure if the misspells (noisy and Okay spelled right in the first stanza and misspelled in the second) were deliberate and meant to be, along with the absense of capitals for "God" and "He". I want to assume it was deliberate although I don't know that it added anything to the poem.
This is pretty simple, a prayer, a meditation. Reach to be the best we can be. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Hi Schnujo, I'm reviewing your "Forgotten Paper" from Read and Review. I liked it.
I thought the title intriguing. The rhymed couplets were fluid and the rhyme was unforced.
The idea behind the poem was clever and it reminded me how important the news industry can be. These days we often get our news from the internet or TV but the heart of that is the News Paper. Meeting deadlines, the investigation behind the stories, so much to know and learn.
Hi John, I'm reviewing your short story "Dinner and a Beating" from Read and Review. Now who could resist reading after that title?
The story looks a little "thick" and difficult to read however, because of the lines being so compact. A space between paragraphs would have given the story the appearance of an easier read.
Your story sets up the characters and plot clearly. Of course the reader knows what is coming by the title but how it comes about is entertaining.
I thought this line a little awkward " The three irate women commenced to kicking him with the points of their high heels and stepping on him with the heels." maybe -- "kicking him with the points of their shoes and spiking him with the heels" high heels just sounded out of rhythm to me.
I thought the conclusion was a little amusing and a whole lot sad but it kept me interested all of the way.
Hi Ridinghood, I'm reviewing your "Blue Madonna" for I Write. After my first read I just had to google the painting. (You should add the image to the "cover" It is quite beautiful.)
This free verse poem captures the painting with an insight of someone who has lived with it. What I liked best was "a silent banshee holding ancient knowledge." Would never have before used the word "banshee" in conjunction with the Madonna" but after reading it in context it is a brilliant word selection.
This poem has a fluid rhythm and soft sound that reflects the portrait in words.
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