Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your International Buffet for I Write. This review is to show to you your poem through my eyes.
Form: 24 Syllables with prompt "eclectic". Syllable count right on and the prompt word was used appropriately. These little forms are difficult to write and come up with something poetic. There is not much artistic wiggle room.
Rhythm & Flow: Your 5 lines do a good job of sustaining an even flow.
Language & Word Choice: flavors - ingredients - Earth. Made me think of my garden. I haven't bought much produce lately because right now my own garden is producing lettuce, chard, zucchini, cucumbers and crooked neck. My plums are just about gone but I still have nectarines and my apples will be ready soon as will the tomatoes. Yum.
Things I liked : I liked the last line, it sounded like something more than a conversation. The last line with the word Earth touched on the poetic.
Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. These 24 syllable challenges are so limiting but I wanted just a touch more from the first 4 lines, something a little less conversational. I can't offer an easy fix. Just thinking out loud.
Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I always enjoy reading your work.
Hi Ben, Thanks for adding a new dimension to the contest. My review of your Stay Alert is to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.
Verse Form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse and was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse. The elements of the Raay are:
1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.
I guess one could say your poem is chronicling an event though quite out of this world and your mastery of the structural elements is evident. One nit, L11 has only 4 syllables, picky-picky but this is a form contest. Quick fix, add a dimension to "green", puke-green or pale-green or gangrene or something.
Rhythm & Flow: The poem easily flows from one line to the next despite the 5 syllable element that could have made this choppy. Nice.
Language & Word Choice: You have introduced me to new and interesting terms, BEM. The rhyme choices are not the same old same old. I do wonder about the last line, Quicker then quick - RUN! did you mean "than" instead of "then"? Typo to be fixed.
Things I liked: I liked the surprise of aliens in an ancient form. I especially liked the last word of the poem capped and set apart giving the poem a completed feel.
Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I have offered the only fixes I thought needed to be addressed above.
Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. This poem was entertaining and skillfully written. Thanks for the opportunity to read it.
Hi Dave, I'm reviewing your romantic "Diamonds", you had me falling in love. My review is just to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine it more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.
Verse Form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse and was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse. The elements of the Raay are:
1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.
You executed all of the elements of the form perfectly. You may not have embraced the initial intent of the form, but your few short lines transfer emotion to the reader. That crosses the line from a poem to poetry.
Rhythm & Flow: Short lines often sound choppy, your lines flow into each other smoothly. Nice.
Language & Word Choice: Your rhyme choices are well thought out, especially fantasize/ lies. And the end word of the poem rhyming with the end word of the first line gives a polished, finished feel. So many of these poems as I read them don't seem to sound finished because the last word doesn't seem to sound like it syncs with the rest of the poem.
Things I liked : I liked the finished feel of the poem because of the end rhyme between L1 and L4. And I found this poem romantic. I fell in love. You didn't just put 4 lines together, it is not just a ditty or jingle, it has emotion and substance.
Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I really liked this poem and the only area I thought could be considered simple or "cliche" would be "in night sky" which is really getting picky because of the limited syllable count and chain rhyme. I don't know what else you could do with it, but if I had to point at something, that is my only nit.
Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. It was fun to judge you for a change, you didn't disappoint. Nice poem.
Hi Jody, I'm reviewing your "Raay" for the Oriental Poetry Contest. This is a poem with impact. Thanks for sharing it. This review is to show you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely to help me judge.
Verse form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse which was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse.
The elements of the Raay are:
1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.
Picky-picky L12 "culling them at first light" It is a form contest, after all, 6 syllables could be trimmed to 5 syllables easily by eliminating "them".
Otherwise, in connection with the frame and original intent of the form, this poem is spot on.
Rhythm & Flow: When I read this out loud, L8, L15, and L18 need commas at the end, not only for clarity for the reader but especially to emphasize your last line. This is just a personal preference but, caps at the beginning of every line chop up the flow of your words. The caps cause an artificial pause where sometimes you don't want them. The classic poets often capped their lines but more modern poetry has steadily distanced itself from the practice. This is a very current and important poem, it deserves to be heard in the best possible rhythm.
Language & Word Choice: numb eyes, culling, farming, stand out as great word choices.
Things I liked: I liked the emotion and reality this poem offers the reader. Your last line has a great deal of power.
Suggestions: I think your title, though excellent, takes some of the power away from your last line. The reader has already heard it. I wonder if you could title the poem in as intriguing a manner but save your last line for the punch at the end.
Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I enjoyed reading and embracing your poem. Thanks for the opportunity.
Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your "Raay" for the Oriental Poetry Contest. Yours was a fun poem that I totally related to although now that I am dieting I had to eliminate the cooling cream . This review is to show you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely to help me judge.
Verse form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse which was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse.
The elements of the Raay are:
1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.
Your little ditty was spot on according to the frame. Just 2 couplets capturing a moment. Similar to a haiku.
Rhythm & Flow: I thought the flow of this tiny piece within its limited space was fluid. It reads aloud well.
Language & Word Choice: Simple words for a simple poem. The "sleet cold" image added an interesting parallel.
Things I liked: I loved the warmth of the poem.
Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I enjoyed reading and embracing your poem. Thanks for the opportunity.
Hi Ridinghhood, I'm always happy to follow you at I Write bringing another of your poems to my attention. I enjoy reading your work.
This review of your "Hope" is simply to show to you your poem through my eyes.
Rhythm & Flow: This Free Verse poem has a soothing rhythm and flow. I'd put this in the Zen category.
Language & Word Choice: The best word choice "Caloosahatchee". Oh how I wish I had such an awesome name near by to include in a poem. Actually you use a lot of creative words propelling your thoughts with interest.
Things I liked : Just about everything but especially, "I will walk that spiral someday." This phrase opens so many ideas in my mind.
Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I think your title is weak. I realize it syncs with your footnote and is offered as the theme of the poem but honestly as a casual reader, the title would not attract me or pull me in. How many poems are titled "Hope"? I think I have one from way back in my early writing days. This lovely poem deserves to be read and I think needs a less generic title to draw in the reader.
Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.
Hi Dave, I can't create a simple response to this in a reply the way this forum is set up, so here I am reviewing your Maverick Muse. You have a new challenge, this Ultimate Forms Challenge Forum is no competition to Poet's Cafe because of your valuable, Tools of the Trade posts and the fact that you give feedback, which won't happen here. But there are only so many forms out there, the challenge will be not to duplicate forms. You seem to keep finding new stuff though, so I'm sure it will be OK.
Verse Form: Of course, spot on. Which doesn't surprise me.
First Impression: Very clever. Write about the immediate circumstance and make it playful. Nicely done.
Favorite: The 3rd stanza spoke to me. How many nights have I been there?
Hi SugarCube, You followed me at I Write and reviewed my haiku, now because I'm trying to get a little ahead, I am following you and reviewing your My Son, the Silly Boy which I found delightful. Being the mother of a son long ago grown, I was reminded of those wonderful days when he was a little guy. Now the father of 4, has a silly boy of his own plus 3 diva girls. Such a fun family. I just came from visiting them for a week.
You utilized the Verse Form prompt very well. I loved the refrain. Your syllable count was spot on although it didn't read restricted by the count. The poem almost skipped along, like your silly boy.
Of course, my favorite image was "loves snuggles with his Mom". I remember it was at about 11 that my son decided he was too old for snuggles. Broke my heart. But my macho boy, now an investigator for the Sheriff's Dept, still has time to give his Mom a hug. Thanks for the reminders.
Hi Ridinghhood, I just love this image. I am reviewing for I Write and found this little gem.
These small poems are tricky but when you create an image such as the Milky Way in the trail of a waving sparkler, you are a winner. I actually have an old photo of my son at the age of 5 waving a sparkler on the 4th of July and the blur of sparkle dancing in the air, the Milky Way is the perfect word choice. A sparkler wand and a willow stick and very similar in appearance as well.
Hello Sugar Cube, I followed you at I Write, so your "The One That Got Away" is up for review. The following is simply my opinion of your piece. Use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
I don't consciously look for errors in spelling, syntax or punctuation but if it jumps off the page, I will note it. Nothing jumped off the page.
Flash Fiction seems the closest genre of prose to poetry. Limited space to convey a scenario with a twist. Still a challenge which you handled with skill.
I thought the detail of the scene was masterful. I was thrown a little off track until I realized who was stalking who. I didn't see the end coming at all. Well done.
My favorite line: "I snuck a glance over the top of the turtles." It made me smile.
Hi Ken, I followed you on I Write, so I am reviewing your "Enjoy the Ride" and feeling guilty I have not yet come up with a poem of my own from your pop up challenge. I hope I haven't missed the deadline.
I can only admire you for coming up with such a gem in light of the prompt, with which I am struggling.
The form choice with the content is perfect. The alternate rhyme on the odd #ed lines just enough to make it tumble like the wheel itself. I liked the occasional internal rhyme too. If it were mine, L15 I'd put a comma after board and eliminate the word "We're" to tighten it up a little. But that is just my preference.
I loved the first stanza. It set the tone and the rest of the poem simply unraveled. Nice.
Well I'll go check the deadline on the pop up and see if I can still make it.
Hi Carly, Even though I Write has been split between longer and shorter works and I always write shorter works, I found over the past year that reviewing longer works challenged me and I was learning more about writing by stepping over the line. So here I am reviewing your Love Has Come Home.
I'll get this out of the way, in your 2nd section, you have a typo. I don't look for this kind of stuff but this jumped off the page at me so you might want to fix it. "Liliah stood staring at her with misty eyes. “You grandmother would be so proud of you…. And your momma, too.” She murmured." Your?
Other than that I thought your writing fluid, good character development, and the plot unfolded with clarity and logic. I have to admit to being a sucker for Hallmark Channel Romance stories. You pretty much know the end before it begins but the journey always makes you feel good. This short story fit that genre for me. Of course I suspected who she was emailing. The photojournalist and travelling of friend Roger and Phototreker81 was too much of a coincidence for me not to suspect. I was surprised Satyra didn't also suspect.
This was a feel good piece that I enjoyed reading.
Hi Rhychus, I'm responding to your Pantoum, "The Abyss of Creation" which I thought brilliant. The repetitive lines assist the reader to contemplate the images more closely, the pantoum was the perfect form this subject.
I loved "a fleck of pepper on the shore" and "most ignore the sore reminders" Really nice.
Hi Choconut, I'm first up so I am reviewing the master page for I Write 2019. I've never review this type of writing before but I think this one will be easy. I found the information organized and clear. The use of isolated groups in changing color helps keep order in the reader's mind.
Your pinned post of Welcome is even more orderly, clearer and easier to read, you might want to integrate them.
I really appreciate the write ahead or make up that is available through the year. All kinds of life surprises can prevent us from entering a contest in a week and until you provided the make up month, I would never have completed the 52 entries. Now we can plan for trips and emergencies and still stay on track. Thank you so much.
Could I suggest that under the "Review" information that you suggest that when reviewing under "Group Affiliation" the reviewer choose "I Write" rather than the various other groups to which they may belong. After all, this forum produces a lot of reviews on a regular basis and should get credit for them.
I was really challenged by I Write 2018 and am excited about taking on a new year.
Hi KT, Welcome to WDC. It is always exciting to see new writers at this site.
I ran across this draft on Read and Review. I wonder if you should put this on Private; For your Eyes Only, setting until you have had a chance to proof read and make corrections. However since I have it up for review, here are a few of my thoughts: It is your piece, use what may be helpful and ignore the rest. This review is just one person's opinion.
Keeping in mind it is only a draft and not the finished product, I wondered if English is not your 1st language, there are syntax errors that suggest such. Of course there are errors, all drafts have them, spelling, typing and syntax. I think the biggest problem with it from my perspective, it is so abstract.
This is the best line in the piece: "even you with your scars bleeding, your eyes weeping, your heart racing and your mind immersing in the depth of your dark soul". This is something the reader can grasp. Concrete images tell a story better than abstracts.
The emotion you convey in the draft is worth exploring and sharing. With some work it could be an interesting read.
I look forward to reading what you do with this. In the meantime, I didn't want to rate it but it wouldn't close without a rating. Let me know when it is a finished product and I will come back and rerate it. Hopefully I was able to offer some insight as to how a reader would react to this.
Sorry, I copied my original review that somehow I marked private in error, (I don't know how I did that} I can't edit to change it but I can clear it and send it again. I still don't see anything that would make this private. I apologize. ~~Tink
Review of Wheel of Fortune
Review by Tinker (136)
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access: Private Make public 12/14
Given: Dec 3, 2018 at 6:16pm
Length: 568 Characters | 568 w/o WritingML
Hi Ridinghood, I follow you at I Write and enjoyed reading Rust Never Sleeps. The images you paint in this poem are unique and almost startling. "will my titanium knees melt when I'm cremated?" What a great line and a shocking mind picture. I could watch the knees melting. Yikes.
I loved the title but felt it redundant to open the poem with the same phrase. This is just a personal preference. It is your poem, feel free to ignore that comment.
Yes my favorite part of the poem was the "titanium knees" though it made me cringe.
Hi Genipher, You are my last I Write review for 2019.
I love it that it is a Flash Fiction, still something I want to challenge myself with.
Your prose reads like poetry. The description of the mountains and the city and "his" emotions were palpable. The end, made me smile. But it might be considered a bit sexist even if it does fit with the myths. I kind of felt a let down hoping for more of a surprise. But it was a logical conclusion.
I especially loved this line: "His eyes flickered to the mountains that lay north of the city and then to the sun that was slowly making its nightly decline into their pointed peaks."
Hi Ridinghood, I followed your poem "Burnt Orange" into Week 46 at I Write. Amazingly, just the right message I needed to hear right now.
After a turbulent couple of weeks with the midterm elections I vowed to take control of my blood pressure and forget politics for a bit. Haha and here you come with the most calm, common sense approach to the most volatile subject. A political poem that leads with the intellect not the emotions. And you are right, it matters.
What I liked best about your poem was the steady rhythm that gave importance to your words without pushing buttons to ignite. Just a slow steady burn. Really a welcome change. Thank you.
Hi Genipher, I got to read An Appointment in Erfoud for I Write and it's writing like this that makes you one of my favorites. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this short story. The story was fluid, different and written with a twist I didn't see coming. I know Morocco was part of the prompt but you took it to the next level, introducing your reader to a different culture, new words and painted a picture of an exotic and fascinating place.
I found no rhetorical or grammatic errors but who is looking for them when they are caught up in the color and perfume of a market in Morocco?
My favorite part was the pictures you painted revealing the culture such as:
" A small band of musicians played along the side of the road. Śmierć paused and swayed to the sound of the darbuka , oud , and taarija . She was particularly impressed with the skills of Jamal and how he played the kamenjah resting vertically on his knees. Glancing at the sky, Śmierć sighed. While she would love to stay and dance with abandon under the moon, she had an appointment to keep."
Hi Jeff, I'm reviewing your "Social Claustrophobia" for I Write. Amen, Brother! I feel your rant and might I add, this politically correctness is also the death of humor. You can't crack a joke, it is going to offend someone.
So obviously I heard the content and the emotion and the common sense behind it.
As far as the writing, it probably would be more powerful and more likely to be read if you condensed (a lot).
Hi Carley, I'm reviewing your "Tornado Devastation", which was the post before mine at I Write.
I began my review pausing at "Watson's road", thinking that's odd, shouldn't it be "Watson Road"? Who owns a road? This is just me bringing my world into your story, there is a Watson Road nearby and no one would ever call it "Watson's road". Noone know who "Watson" is anymore.
To get back to your writing, beyond that little hiccup I stopped reviewing. I got so caught up in your story, I didn't even think about the technique or punctuation or syntax. I just peddled along with the three kids as fast as I could, scared to death by the happenings around me.
This pulled me in and held me to the end. Congratulations on the Win. I understand why.
Hi Genipher, I'm reviewing your " Robotic Birthday" for I Write. This was really interesting. It took me a couple of sentences to realize the characters weren't human. Then the plot thickens, war vs peace. The emotion of rejection and acceptance and the surprise conclusion. I liked this very much.
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Just thinking out loud. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
. This review is to show you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely to help me judge.