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for entry "Stoked" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, Thank you for your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest and mentioning it at Poet's Cafe. I’m reviewing your “Stoked” to give a different perspective and also so that I can examine more closely to judge for the contest.

First Impression: Your title suggests an excitement for what you are about to share in your tiny piece. It made me excited to read it.

Verse Form: Kural, 2 lines, 7 words. You, of course, met the elements but also exemplified the ancient origins of the form with a proverbial theme.

Rhythm & Flow: Your words flow fluidly without a hic-up.

Language & Word Choice: The title, brilliant. The alliteration of the first line almost prophetic. The strong vowel sounds of L2 balance the alliteration of L1. Craftsmanship.

Things I liked : This little poem made me excited to think myself a part of that flame.

Suggestions: These are just my opinions, I have nothing to offer in the way of improvement. This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

Thank you for sharing your work. Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
252
252
for entry "Kural: "Parenting"" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jay, Thank you for your entry in the Oriental Poetry Contest. I’m reviewing your “Parenting” so that you can see it from a different perspective and also so that I can examine it more closely as judge for the contest.

First Impression: I first read this without noticing the title and absolutely didn't get it. Then I noticed the title and it all fell into place and it is so true. This is a poem that uses the title as part of the poem not just an introduction.

Verse Form: Kural, 2 lines, 4 words L1 - 3 words L3 your compliance including the traditional proverbial theme was right on the mark.

Rhythm & Flow: The transition from L1 to L2 seemed abrupt to me, otherwise it had a good rhythm.

Language & Word Choice: The word "rush" was perfect once I knew what you were talking about.

Things I liked : The truth of it all.

Suggestions: These are just my opinions, I couldn't help wonder if this were written untitled, as so many Kural are, could the poem stand alone. This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

Thank you for sharing your work, as always, I enjoy reading your work. Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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253
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Neva, Thanks for being the first to enter Round 54, the Kural with your Temples of Light. This poem came straight from your heart and it touched me. I’m reviewing to look more closely at your work of art to better serve as a judge for the contest.

First Impression: Well I think I already addressed that. The poem clearly flowed from your heart to the page.

Verse Form: Kural, a distich with 4 words in L1 and 3 words in L2. You wrote a series of 9 Kurals, each a complete couplet adhering to the elements of the frame and contributing to a larger dynamic. Well done.

Rhythm & Flow: Fluid rhythm with no effort. It is like a river of words... Nice.

Language & Word Choice: Words carefully chosen to reach out, grab the reader's attention and share. Only one question,
In their domes centers
God's greatest name.

domes? plural or possessive or both? If it is multiple domes it would be "center". If it is possessive it would be dome's center, or domes' centers? I may not be making sense here but something isn't quite right.

Things I liked : I liked that your heart flowed through your words. No greater witness to love.

Suggestions: These are just my opinions, the "domes" still have me a little confused but this is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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254
for entry "Back To School" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I’m reviewing your “Back to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Verse Form: Dodoitsu which is a deceptively difficult form to master and yet i believe you absolutely did. You met every element and wrote a very current poem with a great punch line. You captured perfectly the urban change with irony and timeliness. Funny, no but i chuckled at the ironic twist at the end.

Rhythm & Flow: The poem has a great rhythm and sets the reader up perfectly for the last line.

Language & Word Choice: We’ll i don’t think there are teeny bopper sock hops any more. You date yourself. When i read the line to my 18 year old granddaughter, she laughed and asked what’s that? But you got the point across.

Things I liked : The whole thing. I loved this little poem.

Suggestions: i wouldn’t change a thing,

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
255
255
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "August 4, 2019" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I am reviewing your humorous "Shimmy" to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Verse Form: Dodoitsu is a deceptively difficult form to master and you nailed it. Your frame was spot on, you captured a moment in our changing urban world (I envisioned my old body trying to keep up with my 18 year old granddaughter in a Zumba class which will begin next week.) *Laugh* and you ended with a painful but humorous twist and all in rhyme.

Rhythm & Flow: Your lines flow fluidly and end with a punch. Nice.

Language & Word Choice: Loved your word choice "shimmy".

Things I liked : I enjoyed this poem. I connected.

Suggestions: I saw nothing I could offer to improve.

Closing: Thanks for the enjoyable read.

Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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256
Review of THE BLUEBIRD  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Monty, I’m reviewing your “The Bluebird” to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Verse Form: Dodoitsu is a deceptively difficult form to master. You nailed the syllabic and line count elements in rhyme no less, creating a sweet little poem. But you bypassed the intent of capturing a moment in this modern changing world and the there is no “punch line”, the humor and or irony of the Dodoitsu is missing.

Rhythm & Flow: This has a nice rhythm enhanced by the rhyme.

Language & Word Choice: Simple words for a charming poem.

Things I liked : I liked the sweetness of the poem.

Suggestions: I expressed my opinions above, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. You are a good poet and have a distinct style, I think if you just stretched a little more outside of your comfort zone you could be an even better poet.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I loved your little poem. Thank you so much for giving this deceptively difficult verse form a try.

Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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257
Review of Management  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi Mastiff, I’m reviewing your “Management” to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Verse Form: Dodoitsu is a deceptively difficult form to master. It isn’t just the frame of 7-7-7-5 or the theme of the changing modern era in the workplace or love but it is also the humor and or irony that accompany that change. You nailed the first two elements but the “punch line” didn’t carry that surprise twist that made me chuckle. Maybe it was in the telling of it rather than the showing.

Rhythm & Flow: The poems reads well with a nice rhythm.

Language & Word Choice: i couldn’t help wonder what does “bad policy” and “competent” look like? ins few syllables, it’s hard to expand thus the deceptively difficult aspect of the form.

Things I liked : I liked the concept and the nice rhythm. Of the piece and your willingness to try this new form.

Suggestions: The suggestions or questions i stated above are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. i think your poem is on the right track and with a little more focus on a “moment” in concrete terms it could be a winner.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. Thanks

Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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258
Review of Failure  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Nani, I'm reviewing your Dodoitsu, "Failure", a sad little poem. This review is to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Form: Dodoitsu, a poem in 26 syllables or less, commonly broken 7-7-7-5 often with a touch of humor. The original intent was to capture a moment in the changing urban world. Your syllable count is compliant with the most common frame and divorce, although it has been around from early on, seems to be more common in this modern world.

Rhythm & Flow: The rhythm of your words is broken a bit by your line breaks. The break of your first line pauses the rhythm slightly and your phrase, She said, “I do.” He said, “Me, Too. becomes a little awkward. Also, the punctuation signals the reader to artificially pause or lack of. I believe the line would read much smoother being She said, "I do.". He said, "Me too." and it should be all on one line. The elements of the form indicate 26 syllables or less, commonly 7-7-7-5. Don't sacrifice your poem for a syllable count and if it is 8-6-7-5, it is still 26 syllables and meets the criteria. There is no rhyme criteria accept one you as the poet discern. The assonant rhyme of me and seemed is very subtle, almost unnoticed and it totally unnecessary. You still have the rhyme between started / parted which is not just rhyme, it is the antithesis of the poem. Very clever.

Language & Word Choice: Your first statement though simple words has power. It's the dream. As noted above, the started / parted rhyme is the whole poem in 2 words.

Things I liked : This is a deceptively difficult form to write and yet you were the first to jump in and attempt it. The irony, of breakup is not lost.

Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I've addressed most of most of my suggestions above. This is just personal preference but if it were mine, to smooth the flow more, I would write your last line as 1 sentence, Love died; they parted. Those two phrases are not separate, they are connected to one another.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I truly appreciated that you got the ball rolling with your early entry. I think you captured a sad moment in too many couples lives.

Good Luck!

~~Tink
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Review of Stalk Home  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello abaru, I'm sorry it took so long to get back to your short story, I was working on a project when you first sent it to me and I had to get it under control before tackling your short story. I'm reviewing your "Stalk Home" to show to you your story through my eyes and to help me examine it more closely.

First Impression: Your title would be enough to get me to read more. However, the appearance of the story on the page looks massive and hard to read. Long paragraphs, especially at the beginning could discourage others from taking on the task of reading it. If I had not committed to a review, I would never take the time to read this because of its appearance on the page.

I don't actively look for errors in punctuation, spelling or syntax unless something jumps off the page at me. Nothing caught my notice.

Rhythm & Flow: Your sentences flow well enough though the descriptions seem to go on and on and on. I think you tell too much. I'd rather have much of the background revealed through the action of the story. "Show don't tell." Its the poet's mantra but it applies to prose too.

Plot: OMG, this is a very complicated story. Maybe a little too complicated. Especially the kidnapping portion. Why on earth would Azaria be selected to be kidnapped? The whole scenario wasn't something I could buy into. There were surprises along the way which would contribute to the "suspense" but there was too much explanation which defused much of the actual emotion of suspense.

Things I liked : I was impressed with your creativity. I thought the idea for the story had merit and with a little work could hold the reader in a tighter grip.

Closing: These are my opinions and were offered to give you a different perspective of your work. This is your story, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

I think you are creative and have a talent that honing your writing skills will enhance to produce some intriguing stuff.

Keep writing.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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260
Review by Tinker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bubblegum, This is a challenging and clever project. Kudos on the massive participation. I apologize for taking so long to get over here and join the others but I've had a huge project on my hands that is finally under control and I can take the time to do this. And it is harder than it looks. Here is my try:

Once upon a time there was a feral kitten who was found abandoned in a empty field. Too young to survive on her own, she was rescued and given to an older couple who wanted a companion for the bedbound husband. Of course at first, everyday, the wife would nurse the little kitty with a special formula and care for her needs while the husband was in recovery. They named her Molly and she would curl up and sleep next to the recovering husband but when awake she preferred to follow her nurturer around begging for attention in the cutest but sometimes destructive ways. As domesticated as she was, she was also still a wild feral and clearly longed to be outside on the hunt. One day,(/b} Molly was allowed outside. Tentatively of course, because at night she would be prey of coyote, fox and the occasional bobcat. But she was unafraid, she climbed trees, stalked through the brush and began to hunt. Because of that, she became a little less destructive when inside. However, she did bring her prey inside the house to torture and kill. She mostly caught salamanders, lizards and dragon flys. Until finally yesterday, she brought in a squawking bird that she had snatched out of the sky. Feathers flying everywhere as Molly paraded through the house showing off her prize. A chase ensued to save the poor bird and gratefully she gave it up only slightly injured. The bird was allowed to fly away.
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261
for entry "International Buffet" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your International Buffet for I Write. This review is to show to you your poem through my eyes.

Form: 24 Syllables with prompt "eclectic". Syllable count right on and the prompt word was used appropriately. These little forms are difficult to write and come up with something poetic. There is not much artistic wiggle room.

Rhythm & Flow: Your 5 lines do a good job of sustaining an even flow.

Language & Word Choice: flavors - ingredients - Earth. Made me think of my garden. I haven't bought much produce lately because right now my own garden is producing lettuce, chard, zucchini, cucumbers and crooked neck. My plums are just about gone but I still have nectarines and my apples will be ready soon as will the tomatoes. Yum.

Things I liked : I liked the last line, it sounded like something more than a conversation. The last line with the word Earth touched on the poetic.

Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. These 24 syllable challenges are so limiting but I wanted just a touch more from the first 4 lines, something a little less conversational. I can't offer an easy fix. *Blush* Just thinking out loud. *Bigsmile*

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I always enjoy reading your work.

~~ Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Stay Alert!  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Ben, Thanks for adding a new dimension to the contest. My review of your Stay Alert is to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Verse Form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse and was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse. The elements of the Raay are:
          1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
          2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
          3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.

I guess one could say your poem is chronicling an event though quite out of this world and your mastery of the structural elements is evident. One nit, L11 has only 4 syllables, picky-picky but this is a form contest. Quick fix, add a dimension to "green", puke-green or pale-green or gangrene or something.

Rhythm & Flow: The poem easily flows from one line to the next despite the 5 syllable element that could have made this choppy. Nice.

Language & Word Choice: You have introduced me to new and interesting terms, BEM. The rhyme choices are not the same old same old. I do wonder about the last line, Quicker then quick - RUN! did you mean "than" instead of "then"? Typo to be fixed.

Things I liked: I liked the surprise of aliens in an ancient form. I especially liked the last word of the poem capped and set apart giving the poem a completed feel.

Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I have offered the only fixes I thought needed to be addressed above.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. This poem was entertaining and skillfully written. Thanks for the opportunity to read it.

Good Luck!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Diamonds" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave, I'm reviewing your romantic "Diamonds", you had me falling in love. My review is just to show to you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine it more closely as judge at the Oriental Poetry Contest.

Verse Form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse and was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse. The elements of the Raay are:
1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.

You executed all of the elements of the form perfectly. You may not have embraced the initial intent of the form, but your few short lines transfer emotion to the reader. That crosses the line from a poem to poetry.

Rhythm & Flow: Short lines often sound choppy, your lines flow into each other smoothly. Nice.

Language & Word Choice: Your rhyme choices are well thought out, especially fantasize/ lies. And the end word of the poem rhyming with the end word of the first line gives a polished, finished feel. So many of these poems as I read them don't seem to sound finished because the last word doesn't seem to sound like it syncs with the rest of the poem.

Things I liked : I liked the finished feel of the poem because of the end rhyme between L1 and L4. And I found this poem romantic. I fell in love. You didn't just put 4 lines together, it is not just a ditty or jingle, it has emotion and substance.

Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I really liked this poem and the only area I thought could be considered simple or "cliche" would be "in night sky" which is really getting picky because of the limited syllable count and chain rhyme. I don't know what else you could do with it, but if I had to point at something, that is my only nit.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. It was fun to judge you for a change, you didn't disappoint. Nice poem.

Good Luck!

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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264
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jody, I'm reviewing your "Raay" for the Oriental Poetry Contest. This is a poem with impact. Thanks for sharing it. This review is to show you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely to help me judge.

Verse form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse which was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse.
The elements of the Raay are:
         1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
         2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
         3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.

Picky-picky L12 "culling them at first light" It is a form contest, after all, 6 syllables could be trimmed to 5 syllables easily by eliminating "them".

Otherwise, in connection with the frame and original intent of the form, this poem is spot on.

Rhythm & Flow: When I read this out loud, L8, L15, and L18 need commas at the end, not only for clarity for the reader but especially to emphasize your last line. This is just a personal preference but, caps at the beginning of every line chop up the flow of your words. The caps cause an artificial pause where sometimes you don't want them. The classic poets often capped their lines but more modern poetry has steadily distanced itself from the practice. This is a very current and important poem, it deserves to be heard in the best possible rhythm.

Language & Word Choice: numb eyes, culling, farming, stand out as great word choices.

Things I liked: I liked the emotion and reality this poem offers the reader. Your last line has a great deal of power.

Suggestions: I think your title, though excellent, takes some of the power away from your last line. The reader has already heard it. I wonder if you could title the poem in as intriguing a manner but save your last line for the punch at the end.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I enjoyed reading and embracing your poem. Thanks for the opportunity.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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265
for entry "Rainy Day Treat" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your "Raay" for the Oriental Poetry Contest. Yours was a fun poem that I totally related to although now that I am dieting I had to eliminate the cooling cream *Cry*. This review is to show you your poem through my eyes and to help me examine your poem more closely to help me judge.

Verse form: The Raay is the oldest indigenous form of Thai poetry and dates back to the 13th century. It is a chained verse which was often used to record laws and chronicle events in verse.
The elements of the Raay are:
         1. stanzaic, written in a series of couplets.
         2. syllabic, 5 syllables per line.
         3. chain rhymed, the last syllable of L1 rhymes with the first syllable of L2 and so on.

Your little ditty was spot on according to the frame. Just 2 couplets capturing a moment. Similar to a haiku.

Rhythm & Flow: I thought the flow of this tiny piece within its limited space was fluid. It reads aloud well.

Language & Word Choice: Simple words for a simple poem. The "sleet cold" image added an interesting parallel.

Things I liked: I loved the warmth of the poem.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest. I enjoyed reading and embracing your poem. Thanks for the opportunity.

~~Tink
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "July 22, 2019" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Ridinghhood, I'm always happy to follow you at I Write bringing another of your poems to my attention. I enjoy reading your work.

This review of your "Hope" is simply to show to you your poem through my eyes.

Rhythm & Flow: This Free Verse poem has a soothing rhythm and flow. I'd put this in the Zen category.

Language & Word Choice: The best word choice "Caloosahatchee". Oh how I wish I had such an awesome name near by to include in a poem. Actually you use a lot of creative words propelling your thoughts with interest.

Things I liked : Just about everything but especially, "I will walk that spiral someday." This phrase opens so many ideas in my mind.

Suggestions: These are my opinions, offered to give you a different perspective of your work. I think your title is weak. I realize it syncs with your footnote and is offered as the theme of the poem but honestly as a casual reader, the title would not attract me or pull me in. How many poems are titled "Hope"? I think I have one from way back in my early writing days. This lovely poem deserves to be read and I think needs a less generic title to draw in the reader.

Closing: This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

Thank you for another enjoyable read.

~~Tink


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Maverick Muse" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Dave, I can't create a simple response to this in a reply the way this forum is set up, so here I am reviewing your Maverick Muse. You have a new challenge, this Ultimate Forms Challenge Forum is no competition to Poet's Cafe because of your valuable, Tools of the Trade posts and the fact that you give feedback, which won't happen here. But there are only so many forms out there, the challenge will be not to duplicate forms. You seem to keep finding new stuff though, so I'm sure it will be OK.

Verse Form: Of course, spot on. Which doesn't surprise me.

First Impression: Very clever. Write about the immediate circumstance and make it playful. Nicely done.

Favorite: The 3rd stanza spoke to me. How many nights have I been there?

I really enjoyed this read.

~~Tink
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Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi SugarCube, You followed me at I Write and reviewed my haiku, now because I'm trying to get a little ahead, I am following you and reviewing your My Son, the Silly Boy which I found delightful. Being the mother of a son long ago grown, I was reminded of those wonderful days when he was a little guy. Now the father of 4, has a silly boy of his own plus 3 diva girls. Such a fun family. I just came from visiting them for a week.

You utilized the Verse Form prompt very well. I loved the refrain. Your syllable count was spot on although it didn't read restricted by the count. The poem almost skipped along, like your silly boy.

Of course, my favorite image was "loves snuggles with his Mom". I remember it was at about 11 that my son decided he was too old for snuggles. Broke my heart. But my macho boy, now an investigator for the Sheriff's Dept, still has time to give his Mom a hug. Thanks for the reminders.

I loved your poem.

~~Tink
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "June 2, 2019" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I just love this image. I am reviewing for I Write and found this little gem.

These small poems are tricky but when you create an image such as the Milky Way in the trail of a waving sparkler, you are a winner. I actually have an old photo of my son at the age of 5 waving a sparkler on the 4th of July and the blur of sparkle dancing in the air, the Milky Way is the perfect word choice. A sparkler wand and a willow stick and very similar in appearance as well.

I enjoyed reading. Good Luck~

~~Tink
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270
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm reviewing your Still, the Soldiers Fight Today for I Write. I enjoyed reading this piece.

The form suited the subject well, quintains with rhyme aabbC ccddC eeffC etc. L5 of each quintain, a refrain.


The subject close to my heart, I'm married to a war Vet.

My favorite lines:

"with human ego, human hate
the source of all these wars to date"

Nice,

~~Tink
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "March 25, 2019" 
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ridinghhood, I followed you at I Write and I’m reviewing your Spring. I loved it.

These 24 syllable poems with out of the ordinary prompt words can be a challenge to sound poetic and make sense. You write with clarity and fluidity.

My favorite image “dew-clouded thoughts”.

I really enjoyed this.

~~Tink
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Review of A Box of Weeds  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Sugar Cube, I followed you at I Write, so your "The One That Got Away" is up for review. The following is simply my opinion of your piece. Use what is helpful and ignore the rest.

I don't consciously look for errors in spelling, syntax or punctuation but if it jumps off the page, I will note it. Nothing jumped off the page.

Flash Fiction seems the closest genre of prose to poetry. Limited space to convey a scenario with a twist. Still a challenge which you handled with skill.

I thought the detail of the scene was masterful. I was thrown a little off track until I realized who was stalking who. I didn't see the end coming at all. Well done.

My favorite line: "I snuck a glance over the top of the turtles." It made me smile.

Good luck in the contest, ~~ Tink
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273
Review of Enjoy the Ride!  
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ken, I followed you on I Write, so I am reviewing your "Enjoy the Ride" and feeling guilty I have not yet come up with a poem of my own from your pop up challenge. I hope I haven't missed the deadline.

I can only admire you for coming up with such a gem in light of the prompt, with which I am struggling.

The form choice with the content is perfect. The alternate rhyme on the odd #ed lines just enough to make it tumble like the wheel itself. I liked the occasional internal rhyme too. If it were mine, L15 I'd put a comma after board and eliminate the word "We're" to tighten it up a little. But that is just my preference.

I loved the first stanza. It set the tone and the rest of the poem simply unraveled. Nice.

Well I'll go check the deadline on the pop up and see if I can still make it.

~~Tink



274
274
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Carly, Even though I Write has been split between longer and shorter works and I always write shorter works, I found over the past year that reviewing longer works challenged me and I was learning more about writing by stepping over the line. So here I am reviewing your Love Has Come Home.

I'll get this out of the way, in your 2nd section, you have a typo. I don't look for this kind of stuff but this jumped off the page at me so you might want to fix it. "Liliah stood staring at her with misty eyes. “You grandmother would be so proud of you…. And your momma, too.” She murmured." Your?

Other than that I thought your writing fluid, good character development, and the plot unfolded with clarity and logic. I have to admit to being a sucker for Hallmark Channel Romance stories. You pretty much know the end before it begins but the journey always makes you feel good. This short story fit that genre for me. Of course I suspected who she was emailing. The photojournalist and travelling of friend Roger and Phototreker81 was too much of a coincidence for me not to suspect. I was surprised Satyra didn't also suspect.

This was a feel good piece that I enjoyed reading.

~~Tink
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275
Review by Tinker
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rhychus, I'm responding to your Pantoum, "The Abyss of Creation" which I thought brilliant. The repetitive lines assist the reader to contemplate the images more closely, the pantoum was the perfect form this subject.

I loved "a fleck of pepper on the shore" and "most ignore the sore reminders" Really nice.

~~Tink
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