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PERSONAL VIEWS
When a person decided to use a well known thing, whatever it may be, it their own work, they have to be careful to do it in a way that either upholds the first, true vision, or be so completely different that it makes the reader forget where it came from. This poem, while good in its own right, missed the mark on both.
Anyone that has ever took a lit class or has every read anything, knows that Lenore is owned by one man, EAP.
TECHNICALITIES (rhyme ect..)
The poem, at least for me, didn't flow as naturally as it should. The story it tells is a good one, but I might suggest finding other words or rearranging them so they better flow of the tongue.
OVERALL
As I said earlier, this is a good poem in its own right, but could use some work and a little more originality.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
The opening could use some work. It's almost as if it a quick diary entry and not a story. The description says it will end in a church, but the story says nothing about a church.
CHARACTERS
We really don't know a lot about these characters. A little more character building would make the reader care about them more.
SETTING
There was no description of a setting.
DIALOGUE
There was no dialogue to comment on.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were numerous spelling mistakes and run-on setences. Also I noticed that there were a lot of the wrong words written in. I would suggest going through it slowly and finding these.
THE ENDING
Not much of an ending. It doesn't even give the same impression as the description.
OVERALL
This story needs a lot of work, but with some time and effort, I'm sure you can make it good.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
This was a cute little story from the POV of a sweater. I think the opening line would work better if you shortened it up and made it more concise. For example
The teacher threw my on the desk with disgust.
That is all that's is needed to get the point across.
CHARACTERS
Sweater's character was cute, and the supporting ones worked well in telling the story.
SETTING
The school was described well enough to let us know where it was taking place.
DIALOGUE
Very little dialogue, but what was here worked well and moved the story along.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
"I loved the feeling of laundry soap cleaning me."
Also, I would suggest seperating the dialogue from the actual paragraphs.
THE ENDING
The ending worked well as the sweater found its way home.
OVERALL
A nice little story that I enjoyed reading.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
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PERSONAL VIEWS
The meaning of this poem is very clear, and your word choices fit the theme well. Sometimes there is never a good decision, just the better of two evils.
TECHNICALITIES (rhyme ect..)
The rhyme scheme was a little distracting, some lines rhyming while others not, but overall, the poem flowed well.
OVERALL
A nice poem about indecision and the hurt it can cause.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
I think you have a nice beginning, and the opening works well, but there are a few things you might want to take a look at.
CHARACTERS
The character is likable and interesting, and the tone she sets is good, but might it be better to be the Wandering Woman since she pretends to travel a lot?
SETTING
The cafe is describe well enough to give us a sense of where she is at.
DIALOGUE
Not a whole lot to comment on.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There are quite a few typos and changes in tense, nothing a quick edit can't fix.
A few examples,
"...I wrote about my mother dieing..." Should this be dying or dieting?
"I manage to push myself through the feeing fleeing crowd..."
Also, it says that ...but I can't see anything unusual, then it says Chaos is breaking out... wouldn't the chaos be unusual?
THE ENDING
The ending left me wondering what happens next? Did they come after her again? What did she do about it? It felt very unfinished.
OVERALL
I think this is a good start, but needs some work.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
The opening drew me in nicely, as did the genres it was listed under, though I think it should be listed under comedy because you had me laughing, especially at the end.
CHARACTERS
In so few words, you did a great job introducing the characters and making them feel real for the reader.
SETTING
Even though this was an 'only dialogue' story, you did a good job with the descriptions and setting the scene for the reader.
DIALOGUE
It was all dialogue, and it flowed well and felt natural.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
THE ENDING
The ending....it was hysterical! I don't know why I found this story so funny, but I did.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
The opening was very good. It did the trick and drew me in, but it was the tone that kept me wanting to read more. It was lighthearted and quick, and the narrative moved along nicely.
CHARACTERS
You managed some great characters in this story. You developed them well, and they were likable, even the dragon and the witch.
SETTING
The setting was well in the background, but you showed just enough to give the reader the sense of where it was taking place.
DIALOGUE
There really wasn't much dialogue to comment on.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
THE ENDING
The ending was perfectly fairy tale.
OVERALL
A nice, easy story that I enjoyed reading. Well done.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
The opening line caught my attention and it started the story well. It has great potential, however, in needs quite a bit of editing.
CHARACTERS
For such a short piece, the characters are interesting enough and likable.
SETTINGS
The descriptions are good and described well for the word count.
DIALOGUE
There was no dialogue to comment on.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
The first thing I noticed is that you need to write out the numbers. For example six-hour.
The second this is to be aware of capitalizing the first word of sentences. It's not just technical thing, but it makes it more pleasant and easier to read.
In the second line: There needs to be a comma after out.
In the fourth line: the word banana needs to be capitalized since it is the dog's name.
THE ENDING
The ending fit the story well and rounded out the plot.
OVERALL
A funny, slice-of-life kind of piece that could really make an impact with a good edit.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
This is an interesting story about starting a new life. I think you have an interesting beginning here, though I am not sure where it is going. If this is going to be a longer piece, I might suggest starting out with a more action packed scene to pull the reader into the story.
CHARACTERS
We really don't know a lot about the characters yet, so there isn't much to comment on.
SETTING
A little bland so far, but that should change once more is added.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue worked well and flowed smoothly for the most part.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
The word glance in the second sentence doesn't feel right. You are trying to convey that people should take the time to look around, so it should be something slow, maybe observed?
In sentence five, the words my son should be set off by commas.
In line six, I think you mean mystical.
I don't think unenthusiastic is actually a word.
In the second line of the second paragraph, the word its needs an apostrophe. (it is).
THE ENDING
There's not really an ending yet, but where you stopped should make the reader want to read more.
OVERALL
This could be a very compelling story, and I look forward to see where you go with it.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
THE OPENING
I'm not really sure how to reviews this. It reads more as a how-to to get someone into bed. It is catagorized under "other" I would suggest changing that so people will know how to take it.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
In the first line: low-cut
In the fifth line: you're
In the seventh line: halfway
OVERALL
An interesting piece, though I couldn't figure out what the intent was.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
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PERSONAL VIEWS
This was such a heartbreaking poem about a child who feel rejected and unloved by her parents even though she tries her hardest to please. From the very first line I felt for this little girl.
TECHNICALITIES (rhyme ect..)
The rhyme and meter worked well. The poem flowed smoothly.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
In line two, a comma is needed after the word life to denote the pause.
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and welcome to WDC!
I found this story very interesting, and the opening caught my attention and made me want to read more. There's almost a dream-like quality to it, and the way you wait until later to tell the reader exactly what is going on, works well.
CHARACTERS
An interesting set of characters, though we don't know a whole lot about them except where they are and what Charlie does.
SETTING
The setting was well described and fit the story well. DIALOGUE
There wasn't much dialogue to comment on.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
THE ENDING
The ending was very good. It finished the story well, and the last line told the reader everything they needed to know.
OVERALL
It's a very good story, though I am not quite sure how it fit with the prompt of the contest. Thank you for entering, the results will be posted no later than Wednesday.
I think when you are writing flash fiction, especially when it has a word count limit of 300, the opening sentence must be spectacular to draw the reader in, and the rest of the story must follow suit. The beginning here, at least to me, is a little slow and doesn't grab the reader's attention.
CHARACTERS
Another pit fall of micro-flash is the lack of character developement. You did a pretty good job with the count you were given, and the reader could get a sense of who they were.
DIALOGUE
Dialogue can be very important in moving the story along, especially when word counts are imposed. You did a good job in telling a lot with very few words. The dialogue felt natural and flowed smoothly.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
THE ENDING
For me, the ending came a little abruptly, and without the emotion that something like this deserves. David recited what was told to him on the phone by his father, and I should have felt something, but I didn't.
OVERALL
This is a good story, full of description and set up fairly well. It definitely would work as an expanded piece, giving the reader time to care about the characters and feel the emotional impact this piece deserves.
The words in you opening paragraph work well, but the arrangement could use a little work. I would combine it all into one sentence, getting rid of the repeated words and getting rid of 'that'.
CHARACTERS
You have a good start for your characters. You laid the ground work for them to be interesting and compelling for the reader, but you need to follow through. Why was she giving her up? Is it just the counting thing? We really don't know that much about them.
I am a little confused on the timeline of the story too. You begin in the first paragraph saying she is twelve, then something happened an hour earlier in the next paragraph, then when they are at the hospital she is nine....
DIALOGUE
Some of the dialogue seemed forced, especially coming from the little girl. It doesn't quite ring true.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
There are a few mistakes with punctuation, but nothing a quick edit can't fix.
OVERALL
I think you have the beginning of a very compelling and emotional story. With a little more character development and a tighter plot, this could be very good.
This is a fantastically funny poem! I like how it starts out all creepy and then turns into comedy. The visualizations are done very well, and I was smiling when I finished reading it, so that's good.
SUGGESTIONS
I don't have any suggestions for this poem. It works well as it is.
I found this to be a very cute story about unrequited love. Your descriptions were quite vivid, and you did a pretty good job of keeping the ending a secret, though there were a few places, his first talk with Roger (not a seven-year-old's conversation) and the talk about race (again, not really age appropriate). I wasn't quite sure how the ended was going to turn out, but I liked it and you did a good job of leading up to it.
SUGGESTIONS
There were very noticable punctuation mistakes that distracted from the writing, but nothing a quick edit couldn't fix.
OVERALL
I think this is a good story and I enjoyed reading it.
A conversation with a planet...I have never personally tried this, but I bet the planet would have a very interesting tale to tell. I found this piece quite original and thought provoking, even a little funny.
SUGGESTIONS
The only suggestion I would have, and it's a personal one, is to seperate the big paragraph into smaller ones to make it easier to read on the computer.
OVERALL
A very well written story, and you get five stars for creativity.
We all have little places in our minds where we store our treasure and our trash. To be able to sit alone and dig through them would definitely be an interesting thing to do. I found the abab rhyme worked wonderfully here, taking the reader along the journey of thoughts.
This was a very interesting little story. I like how you started it out, explaining the change that had come over her and it gave her a good reason to find the Book after her parent's died. The descriptions were great and the tone of the piece worked very well.
SUGGESTIONS
I like this how it is. I have no suggestions for this story.
OVERALL
It's a good story that is well presented and well told.
This is a very sweet, sad story about love and loss. You set up the ending very well, and fit a lot in very few words. The tone worked well, almost light with an undertone of sadness.
SUGGESTIONS
The second paragraph really threw me off. You have the narrative talking directly to the reader. This has been done with some success, but it is hard to do if you want to keep the reader in the story. It doesn't work well here. You only do it once, so it is kind of a shock to the reader to be pulled from the story.
Also, I noticed that there is a lot of telling in this story. It's a wonderful tale of love, and that should be shown with every word.
OVERALL
This is a good romance story with a bittersweet ending. Take a little time to put more of an active voice in it and it could be really wonderful.
Thank you for sharing.
~ Vikki ~
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