OMG this sounds so familiar! I too like 2% milk, No, really, I can definitely relate to all of this. I too have spent time in the men's room.....there's a shorter line than the women's, right?
SUGGESTIONS
I found this wonderfully hilarious, and I wouldn't change a thing. The tone and setup is perfect, and there wasn't a mistake found.
OVERALL
It's a perfect story that a lot of people can relate to. I enjoyed reading it, and am glad I am not the only midnight, crazy, men's room finding, paranoid, shopper out there.
This is an amazing, hearfelt story of love and loss and finding one's self. You captured the emotions very well and the pain could easily be felt when she left the hospital. Such a loving, couragous thing for her to do.
On a lighter note, I don't know if you are familiar with Grand Rapids, Michigan, but I lived thirty miles south of it in a little town called Lake Odessa for awhile.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this piece. It's well written and full of emotion.
OVERALL
A great story about the hardest choice a mother can make, a choice that defines a person forever. She made it out of love for her child, there is no other gift so precious.
We all have a story, and not everyone sees our true selves. The use of the repitition worked very well here. Your descriptions of the meadow and what happened each time were stunning. The way you aged her in each scene, bringing up to another part of her life, brought the reader right along with you.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this piece. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
OVERALL
A wonderful, heartfelt story of a woman's life and all that encompasses that. You tug at the heartstrings and bring the whole story full circle.
This is such a heartwrenching piece. In the beginning, you could feel the irritation and the annoyance felt toward the owner of the mini-van, but as with real life, everyone has a story and we shouldn't judge for a single indiscretion. Your descriptions were wonderful, and the emotions came through very well. When she read the article, and I could picture this poor mother coming from the store with her wares and her twins, I had tears in my eyes.
SUGGESTIONS
I only noticed one typo;
I glared at the window of the offending vehicle parked to too close to mine.
Also, in the last sentence in the fifth paragraph, I don't think you need the word toddlers. It is understood when you said two year old.
This may just be a personal thing, but I usually see two year old with dashes, two-year-old
OVERALL
This was an amazing story about human nature and how too quickly we may jump to conclusion. You did a great job in covering the emotional spectrum.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
Since I used to play Sonic, I found this piece of fantasy interesting. It's only a preview, so we really don't know much about the characters or plot, but I think you set it up well.
SUGGESTIONS
The only suggestion I would have is the show don't tell thing. Even though this is just a preview, you want to draw the reader in so they would want to read more. A more active voice could do this for you.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
I really enjoyed the descriptions in the poem. The imagery is very vivid, I could easily picture the scene. It almost like a rite of passage from one season to the next, and it shows how we must cherish them all because each on is important.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this poem.
OVERALL
A wonderfully clear poem that put a smile on my face when I read it.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
I think this is very interesting, about two people who don't seem to fit anywhere, fit together.
SUGGESTIONS
I found in places that the words seemed a little forced, maybe used just to fit the poem. I think some different word choices might serve this piece better, especially in the middle.
OVERALL
A good poem about finding the right person.
Thank you for sharing.
I don't know if it was your intent, but this got a laugh out of me! The imagery was very good, and I could easily picture every strange moment. I found the unorthadox format actually very interesting and it worked quite well here.
SUGGESTIONS
I really don't have any suggestions for this. I like how it is.
OVERALL
A fun, demented little read that made my afternoon.
You kenw I had to like this one! It's dark and emotional and very well written. You descriptions are wonderful and the imagery is amazing. I love the dark feel to it.
I had to reviews this one because I just finished my Dear Me letter for this year. Your resolutions are amazing ones, and ones that I am sure you have acomplished.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions, just a question, did you do them?
OVERALL
A great letter and I could feel your determination throughout it.
What a wonderful story! You captured all the emotion and all the awe that we know was there at Jesus' birth. Your descriptions were beautiful and the writing was smooth and flowed well.
I enjoyed Jimmy, and I thought what Mary said to him was very profound. She knew he was going to make mistakes in his life, and she also knew he would find his way back to the path.
I wish I could write poetry like this with such meaning! The images are wonderful and the words come across as very heartfelt. I think we all wish there was a little dust we could sprinkle over the world and make it a better place.
You did a great job with this one, which seems to be a little our of your normal genre. The mystery and intrique come through very well. You take on an admirable undertaking in such few words, simply, not judge a book by its cover.
You did a great job following the prompt and filling in the story of the painting. You sweep the reader away into another time and another life. The emotion is instantly felt and brought directly to the reader.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this piece.
OVERALL
Another very good read. My favorite so far.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
The fear and anxiety can easily be felt through your words. The tone is one of pleading and of pouring one's heart out even if it will be crushed in the end.
SUGGESTIONS
There were a few problems with flow, which can be fixed with a quick edit, but otherwise a good read.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
Aww what a sweet, heartfelt letter! The love can be felt through every word. You adore your son, and no matter what, he's perfect in your eyes. This was very uplifting and moving and I know he would cherish it forever.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this. It is from the heart and that's the best writing of all.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
I think this story has a very interesting plot and compelling characters. The descriptions are good and in the end you leave the reader wanting more.
SUGGESTIONS
I noticed that there is a lot of telling in the story. It's as if every description and even is a list of what is happening instead of action. With a little concentration on on showing the reader what is going on with action, this could be really good.
Also, on a format note, putting a space between the paragraphs makes it easier to read.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
As just an excerpt, I think this works fairly well. You set up the plot and the main characters, giving just enough for the reader to wonder what will happen.
SUGGESTIONS She had an unnatural talent for drawing people to her; from the outside, she appeared to be perfect.
I think this sentence would have more impact and benefit from being seperated into two disticive ones at the comma.
Eventually I would figure out that I was wrong both about myself and about her.
This sentences reads a little awkward. I think it's the placement of the word about.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
I found this to be a very insigtful poem about how life doesn't always turn out the way we plan. Good or bad, life is what we make it. Even though the words I don't care were repeated, it's almost to the point of the old saying of those who protest too much....
I don't think I would every drink anything that was labeled Drink Me but that's just me. I really enjoyed this story. It's got interesting characters and the dialogue was well written and flowed smoothly. The plot caught my attention from the beginning and kept it all the way through.
This was a very funny and entertaining read! I enjoyed his neverending trial to impress this author, who disregarded him at every turn. The soft, light tone works very well, and I really enjoyed reading it. The ending was hilarious! Thanks for the great read.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this piece.
Thank you for sharing.
~ Vikki ~
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/victoria/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 6:47am on May 04, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
No, really, I can definitely relate to all of this. I too have spent time in the men's room.....there's a shorter line than the women's, right?
SUGGESTIONS 
SUGGESTIONS 
SUGGESTIONS