This is a great Christmas poem! The descriptions are really vivid, and the sense of the season comes through nicely. The rhyme scheme works very well, and the overall flow is goo.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this poem. I enjoyed reading it.
This is an amazing story of courage and love. The uncle is a great man, and someone that would be a blessing to have in your life. The fear of death is common, and to have someone like this to be with would definitely help.
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for this story. It's well written, and I enjoyed reading it.
This is a very emotional poem about a heartbroken woman who is tired of being alone. You paint a picture very well and your imagery is very vivid. The pain comes through each word and the message is unmistakable.
SUGGESTIONS
The only suggestion I would have is that with some of the lines longer than others and some rhyming and some not, the flow is not as good as it should be.
You did a wonderful job following Sherri's prompt! The emotions come through with every word and the heartache is easily felt. The ending gives the reader a sense of hope and encouragement, knowing that even though there is bad, it can be put behind us.
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I really like the fantasy genre, and I think you have a good plot here. The descriptions are good, and the characters are interesting.
SUGGESTIONS
There seems to be a lot of passive voice in this story. I would suggestion using more showing instead of telling to hold the reader's interest. Also, in the parts where Lilie is speaking, I think you should leave out the stuttering. It does nothing for the story, only distracts the readers attention from the plot. I would show her fear in another way.
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I think the form you chose to write this poem in is very important to the message. The words a simple, yet have a very deep meaning. We all feel detacted at times, and that comes through your work. It is raw emotion and nothing else.
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I found this poem to be one about not giving up and finding your true self in a sea of possibilities. How simple it seems to be ourself in a world full of fakes and broken promises. You did a good job with the imagery, and the word choice. A match was a perfect metaphor.
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I think this is a very emotional poem about losing someone that you thought would be there forever. You did a good job with the imagery and the feelings.
SUGGESTIONS
In the first stanza, the two lies makes the read a little akward. I would suggest replacing one of them for a better flow.
You descriptions are done well, and the imagery you conjure for the reader fits the story. While this is a very intriguing and interesting segment, I found it written very passively. It is almost as if you are listing the events instead of showing the reader what is happening through the actions and reactions of the characters.
SUGGESTIONS
You might want to think about using a more active voice to pull the reader into the story. Also, when you are writing in first person, you have to be careful about starting a lot of sentences with the word "I". I did this. I did that... this is what causes the story to sound a lot like a list of things being done. Also, there are an abundance of pronouns used. In one paragraph, Every sentences started with "He".
I think with a careful re-write, this could be very good, and really have an impact on the reader.
This is such a sweet, heartfelt people that makes the reader realize how fast life goes and that we shouldn't take the small things for granted. The last two lines are the most powerful, and really bring the message home.
SUGGESTIONS:
The Innoncence (Innocence) Life stole from me and you.
This is a very interesting look into your life. Writing is a wonderful way to get out your feelings. We learn a lot about you, and how you are handing your life, without worry what others think.
SUGGESTIONS:
"I am an enigma – just like every people (person) in this world."
"or to whatever sane or insane things they say."
"However, everything everyone has a limit. I may be a sponge but I can’t take absolutely everything!"
I think this is a very good article letting people know some of the history of Thanksgiving. It's well written and informative, and was easy to read and follow. It is very interesting how things change over the years, and Thanksgiving is no exception. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
First Impression:
I really liked the surreal feeling of this story. The imagery was done well, giving the reader a wonderful picture of the 'afterlife'.
My Suggestions:
While I enjoyed reading this, the ending was somewhat of a letdown. I would suggest leaving off the last line. It draws the reader back from the story too quickly.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
I think you did a good job with the characters. Not overly done, but just enough for the story.
Dialogue:
There was really no dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A good story that could be great with a little work.
This poem is well written and flows nicely. It's message of being afraid to get hurt is universal. Though I am a little confused on actually what had happened, especially the last stanza. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
This is a very sweet poem, and a wonderful dedication to your mother. I liked the choice of words, and the emotion can be felt in every line. The only thing I stumbled over was the flow. With the shorter then longer sentences, it broke the pacing. There were not spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
You did a great job with the description! The imagery is fantastic, and the flow is flawless. The pace is perfect, and the sense of the holidays really shows through. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed. I really enjoyed reading this!
I think this is a wonderful, inspiring poem. You did a great job conveying the message, and it flowed effortlessly. You're choice of words worked very well. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
I think you have a great premise here. It is well thought out and well presented. The plot itself captured my attention and I definitely will be reading more chapters on this story. Your writing has a good pace, and the voice you used works very well for this genre of story. I will be back to read the chapters soon. There were not spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
I love the description here. I think the night sky is a wonderous thing, and to look up at it reminds us of how small we actually are. You did a great job with the flow and it read effortlessly. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes notice.
First Impression:
A very interesting story, and I think a lot of people can relate to the fear of what might be found. I'm glad it had a happy ending, because so many of these situations end in disaster.
My Suggestions:
The only suggestion I would have is the fear aspect. It felt a little flat in places as if you were just telling a story. I would have like more emotion.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Good characters that people can relate to.
Dialogue:
There really wasn't any dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A good story that will touch many people.
First Impression:
No matter how many jerks she met, she never gave up. I think you did a great job with the believability of this story. It flowed well and you kept the reader interested.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestion, but would like to know the secret!
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Well rounded and very real. You capture them naturally and their personality were very appealing.
Dialogue:
The dialogue flowed very well and added nicely to the story.
Overall Impression:
A very entertaining story that I enjoyed reading.
I think this is a great poem for this time a year. It flows very well, and the message is perfect. There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed. It's a great, uplifting poem. I enjoyed reading it.
A review for the story you entered in "Invalid Item"
First Impression:
This is a very sweet little children's story. I thought the imagery was good, and I enjoyed reading it. The tone was perfect for this type of story.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this piece.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
I enjoyed the characters, you captured the grandmother and grandson very well.
Dialogue:
The dialogue was great, and it moved the story along nicely.
Overall Impression:
An enjoyable read. Good luck in the contest.
Thank you for sharing.
Vikki
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