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Review of Images Of Autumn  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


Dear Brenpoet Author Icon ~

This is a very entertaining poem for the eyes and ears.

When that umbrella turned inside out and when we seal ourself, I felt as two immersive moments as a reader to connect with. The poem could rest alone on its imagery, but you have fun with the details of the cat, witches and that it is a favorite time of year. It’s charming and effective and compelling to this poet-reader.

This type of poem could inspire a child reader to write in a classroom setting. Letting them imagine these images while the poem lilts and sways can inspire constructively, convert as applied words to paper. It teaches to observe through the joy shared in visual narration. It does not lack in depicting not only the season, but connected emotions, traditions and experiences.

It could feel as lyrical as joyful with the presented colors, because of the flow and order of images to reveal changing scenes. It’s likely most readers will be illuminated by language with depictions that warm and bring to color feelings hiding in hearts that can adapt as their own unexpressed words. If slower paced, edited tighter, it can speak to a young audience to stimulate minds. I could see any types of artwork to accommodate for those young and learning. But, the whole of the poem easily translates as is.

It’s refreshing to see a poem that is and isn’t simplified, as the intelligence breathes with its converse read. It speaks to me and was as easy as a walk in the season into the dark, with man made light to aid and to wait out another winter in comfort. I see the pride with your connection to birth, which evokes the tradition bred. I just missed the season indoors and feel like I didn’t miss it like Spring and Summer. Well done. A joy.

I had started this poem, incentivized by your 20 plus years at WDC, earlier this year. I didn’t take advantage. I’m just happy to have had a chance to revisit.

Thanks for all you do and shared,

Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group Reviewer

I’ll do me, regardless.


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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a reviewer, I can be compulsive. I meant to send this in recognition of your anniversary, got log-jammed. Still removing these half-a** reviews from my tool. Gah. Thank god ambition finally took a holiday. Happy 20th year here, BTW.

DEAR Dave,

It’s been some time since I started this. Might sound…off a bit. Trying to clean up. This is an inventive poetry form and has some catchy clever phrasing that made it fun to read with a broad spectrum of imagery amid other poetic devices that celebrates the Spring season.

The title line drives each haiku stanza at end. It's an echoing of the season and all that comes with it. There were moments with play on words like 'scramble' in relation to Easter eggs that was nicely applied. The title line made me think, what was ripe? Gardener was tilling, kids hunting eggs, lovers conspiring. The closest is the trill of robins, hunting for eggs no doubt, possibly having built nest, laid eggs or said eggs have hatched.

Really, this is a listing poem of events that with great imagery depict the season to coincide or arrive, with a sort of romantic twist with the lovers. I felt like I was on a stroll observing all of this.

The final lines do rhyme, serving as would a sonnet at end. It adds personification with Mother Nature and new clothes which was the most poignant and attractive line in the poem.

Overall, I found a joyous poem celebrating Spring's arrival in a fresh form that I've never witnessed that functioned quite well.

Great job!

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group Reviewer


What ever load you tell yourself, my head needn’t be trapped in it. Sort yourself out.


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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Compulsory Review for “I Write in 2025” activity, because I committed to something. *RollEyes* *Laugh*

Dear Jeff,

I saw parallels of your perspective gained from your teacher/wife to my surgical tech/wife and me. From corporate/Government oversight down to co-workers, something always askew, maybe divisive. Schools are notariously criticized for teacher pay, how they manage, and it can vary widely from small townships to districts in densely populated inner-city? There is a fair amount of failure in oversight to adjust for needs is conclusive for me.

Without looking back…Does the prompt mention what role the blogger takes? Superintendent of school, state or federal oversight? Which reminds how taxpayers money is allocated and the chance not all our dollars are put to work. Less government oversight, privatize? Some communities would have to close schools, consolidate. Still, rely on additional taxpayer support to fund facility projects by public election. *RollEyes* Lots of stuff that could weigh on a super of schools. And yes, where to start? Yeeeeshhh. But, every community has someone with generous, deep pockets…I’ve learned as journalist. It creates entitled kids, too. School boards could also be a can of worms. I’ve covered that in my personal bloggings.

You covered a lot of territory prefacing your comments. It gave me a lot to consider. Bad for someone with ADHD. *Laugh* I was struck by the comment that a parent today would have in response for a school authority with behavior concerns. I do see the attitude shift to enable a child’s behavior. My mom, however, ripped into somebody at church for calling me a “little Dickens.” *cringe* I never saw her act like that — a mama bear. Your reference is more of parent denial. Parents don’t own as much responsibility today? I think parents get undermined by social perceptions as inept. Influence suggests I’m a boomer, wife’s a Karen, antiquated and moot for inclusion in conversation, throwing more power to those who really have the money…youth. All in all, makes me consider my own and how they are turning out: How they want…I assume.

Parents (PTA) seemed important when I was a kid. Civic responsibility is a concern; things demanding our time and money are a concern. I also worry of the text hooks, ala Fahrenheit 451. Digital. Books in general. Could lead to modification. They kept revising the Bible via interpretations with many of different minds and machinations. Now who’s covering too much territory?

I can’t comment to the designs or response to prompt, but note it shows awareness, knowledge and is connected through insider pipeline wife. I can say, it’s great for spousal conversations. Thus, informative blog response found by me.

Thank you,

Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group Reviewer
I Write In 2025.

I’m blind, not disabled.
Sorry if typos, caffeine has me a bit off the rails. Or, airplane turbulence. Would explain any and all disjointed response…which I’m aware. If I could give more time… But, a great review takes a lot of effort for me these days.


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Review of Why Thoughts?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
**As a reviewer, I can be compulsive. The act of writing a helpful review is my aim. I’ve perused your portfolio and found what appears your most recent, edited poem.

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*
In conjunction with Writing.Con’s 25th Anniversary.
Celebrating your writing this month with a review for 20 plus years as a member here.


Happy Account Anniversary Adore lol♥ feels thankful♥ Author Icon ~

Your poem reminds of childhood nightmares, but this feels like someone can’t sleep because of doubt and regret. It’s wrought with tension and relatable emotion. Its brief and could give more visual imagery. It would be beneficial.

I like to think the ghosts represent reminders of things too difficult to fix. It could be a replay of some events that are difficult to digest. Then, a very dramatic beginning to this nocturnal fear in poem. Just as a child, offering any appeasement, as a lie might stall for time or ease tension.

And as I see this is not a children’s piece, nor one that offers advice in moral, there is further replay describing obliquely the black and white memory, sometimes how we dream, or have nightmares. This is and isn’t a dream, becoming surreal, captured in a real world or a dream state.

I find images help a reader visualize this. I can supplant personal details of my own, as this poem serves better as a vehicle for each reader to interpret in unique ways. Anywhere from no money/debt to medical issues or relationships. It doesn’t need to be specified to understand. You describe the hopelessness well. That feeling of being frozen, locked up, really key to it all. It could be a poem akin to an Edvard Munch painting, “The Scream.”

Congrats on 20 years at WDC. Pleasure to read you again and refamiliarize with your writing.



Sincerely,

Brian.
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group
and Account Anniversary Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.



FORUM
Closed: INVICTUS ~ 25 Years Strong… Open in new Window. (13+)
Hosted by Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (RWB), a contest celebrating invincibility.
#1390406 by Citizen Journalist Author IconMail Icon

Commemorating 25 years: Writing.Com.


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Review of In The Heart  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Sunny Author Icon,

I had looked in your portfolio one day, read your bio, and viewed some portfolio directions to get a better feel before launching into this review. This poem appeals to me in so many ways, I had to comment, as I consider the value reflected in your poetry observations, in a feeble attempt at feedback.

What I note is the catalyst for “In The Heart,” as my approach to it reminds of the process when any new inspiration comes along and everything naturally comes together. Very authentic and organic offering I have studied here. It feels like gelling, an idea or concept that has formed leapt from the mind of poet to the page, with the adept use of a poetic device.

I see anaphora here rewards my slow study, because of how each repetition slightly shifts meaning as this piece goes. I could highlight ‘in the heart’ each time it appears, considering what it introduces or reinforces in stanzas. I then see progression — noting the repetition ‘in the heart’ deepens the idea here. There’s also emotional movement that reveals for me, going from its feelings or people to one’s own values or identity with validation.

I’m not just spotting the repetition but seeing how the repetition unfolds and progresses. Anaphora applied to poem is the actual thread that holds your offering together. I see it sometimes changes a bit between “For in the heart” or “As in the heart,” but functioning as refrain. The repetition creates a nice rhythm and brings together verses with its anaphora. You have a steady pulse, kind of a heartbeat, reinforcing the poem theme.

I see it building emphasis with this layering, as the meaning of “in the heart” expands — from (never change) to (never leave), clarity coming from (crystal clear) to what’s valued (treasures/secrets), and finally to identity (tells who we are). You keep the heart at the center, maybe structurally on purpose. It keeps these images with contrasts and added assertions circling about your core metaphor.

I think of waves sometimes, what influences, yet how little seems to change from lunar love, despite erosion over time. But feelings, people, and thoughts can shift or fade, while the heart here holds what is enduring. The poem illustrates strength in convictions, which I admire. Because, a heart shouldn’t be muddled with foggy thinking but persevere through what’s the most important. With treasures, love and identity, you illustrate where one’s essential self is defined.

A subtle variation is happening, too. In a way, you keep the repetition from reading mechanical while maintaining theme/poem unity. This reads more stylistic with a meditative type rhythm, keeping a good structure and reinforcing your central metaphor: that the heart is the keeper of what is lasting, true, and defining.

By the time the anaphoric waves hit the shore I’m struck by your summation profoundly:

For In the heart love can grow.
As in the heart tells who we are.

I’m reminded we can rely on ourselves over time, once affirmed. We grow in love of ourselves, our life, creating more love to give. And we can identify ourselves in this emboldening process. This is some of the best wisdom I’ve read on this website in 19 years…better than anything I’ve approached myself. So, for that, thanks for the sage words shared.


Sincerely,

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group reviewer

It started out as an anniversary review but got stuck in one of life’s quagmires. The dirt never seems to completely wash off.
Soggy and stained where I sit and compose.


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Review of Whispering Hallow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Dear sindbad Author Icon ~

This poem seems deeply personal with its sensual theme. This is intimate exploring of a sexual encounter (feels like the first), as the speaker experiences physical sensations that imply nature’s romantic visions.

The imagery has bursts of energy in collected phrases making a powerful connection to nature, with "birdsong," "surf," "sky," and "forests hollow" to describe one’s partner and the physical encounter itself. You progress from the knowable sense of entering when you offer “when I entered her,” lighting up the engine of what’s to come.

You give detailed description of physical touch and emotions with physiological responses. The "trembling orbit" and "high wind in her forests hollow" are profound in a sort of cosmic experience. You add, "negotiate a treaty between cowardice and lustful trust" which made me stop to ponder. I decided it’s more than a hint at vulnerability but complex a reverence for her in the encounter.

The verses yet get more explicit, describing "fingers whispering sound," "thigh impaled on a lance of tongues," and "honey flowed from the split cup / on the tips of her breasts on her navel / along with the privilege of her nipples," all bursting with physical feelings carving a space between spirituality and the act itself, as it feel strange and yet exhilarating, maybe with some reserved shame.

The final lines are equally intense, an overwhelming climax, with pleasure and a form of ecstatic "pain" intertwine. It felt raw and visceral, like good sex should leave one, adding that this is emotionally charged.

For me, this reads a bit spastic, as one might have thoughts and phrases during intercourse. But the nature themes give it a romantic, if not life altering quality. It felt primal and uninhibited with this connection. Somewhere along the way, it almost seemed mythological, depicting oral sex and the release of pleasure. Beyond where the body is pushed to its limits of sensation, so too the mind.

I found many metaphors worthy of note, like "forests hollow" or her body as a "trembling orbit,” showing intensity…plus, "lance of tongues" for oral stimulation. These metaphors gave authenticity to the experience, making more profound and symbolic.

Your poem is heavy on sensory imagery, appealing to sight, sound and touch, while some nature elements may evoke sense of smell and taste indirectly. I like personification here…though, not completely personifying the inanimate, nature’s elements and body parts come to life.

And, use of enjambment, where lines run into the next without punctuation, creates a sense of bursts like urgency, as the unfolding sexual act and this raw narrative intensity. The physical connection created a profound emotional and spiritual experience intermingling. You’re really capturing in the moment. I could say, it puts the reader there, especially in the mind.

I appreciate vulnerability and trust with that "treaty between cowardice and lustful trust,” taking an emotional risk and the following reward shows revelation is good. Feelings of this intimacy make it classier. And, consistent use of nature imagery portrays theis partner's body as a vast, beautiful, and wild landscape to be explored and experienced. There is a comparative at work there showing the value of the experience.

In the end, "howling into entrances / through lungs of pain," put this reader at the pinnacle of pleasure. Very intense, as it borders on pain, (“Hurts So Good”). Really brought it together.

Very authentic, well expressed with a sort of mindfulness happening. It was well done expressively.

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group

I’m blind, not disabled.
Sorry if any confusing typos.


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Review of Free of it all  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear GP103 Author Icon ~

Some great points. Taking care of number one can ease burden. It’s well stated in what you offered here. I’m using similar processes, mostly from indifference. Trying too hard got me a bit wound up and abandoned in the middle of nowhere.

Friends are great for sharing, and ultimately where you take these statements to prove that they feel comfortable around you as you have acclimated your life to live more efficient and find happiness awaits.

Very calm and serene sentiments. You share because? Is this the nucleus for something, or laying out a note to see where it goes? Maybe, as labeled, a writing sample?

I found this on the website’s read and review link.

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.



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for entry "my Backbone" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Dear Samberine Everose Author Icon ~

With steadfastness that ‘backbone’ becomes strong. It’s a great word to propel your poem to show how faith in God gives us that power from commitment in return.

Using him as a hand at the back is also a great visual to show, as you choose these interactions to inform readers through a thankful speaker. This, along with many other devotional poems of yours that I’ve taken time to consider, make for great devotional reads. Like daily bread. With coffee in the recliner when all is quiet.

I wish we could connect deeper with scripture to have reaction to some of the lessons. Maybe, come up with a few songs, lyrically, to sing praises. Words from hymnals are especially powerful. A favorite, “Standing on the promises…” is on a loop in my mind now.

Thanks for sharing. I spotted your note in newsfeed this hour.

With sincere gratitude,

Brian.
disAbility Writer’s Group

I’m blind, not disabled.
Kept it short…need sleep


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9
9
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear PaulZ PlacE Author Icon ~

I found this on the read and review link, so apologies in advance if accidental finger swipes make something undecipherable. Phew! Spelled it. No autocorrect, but no help suggesting the word either. *RollEyes*

I want to be more engaged with your quote at the outset of "Leave Like a Slammed Door or a Whisper?" Open in new Window.. I liked the image my kind created of Frankee in heavy, wet garb entering scene, chewing the scenery, as some silhouette in the doorway, darkness and inclement weather behind them, before face emerges with him and babbling, making sure to describe how his appearance might seem…a clue from the narrator to reader to help begin realizing this dramatic character, about his delicate condition (old way of saying prone to tipple, also old).

The cause for his condition can seem comical or poetic with his romance with those roughly hewn blurts of words. The paragraph where they’re in the hot tub, the end word is “ear” and maybe “dear’; no, not it.

The hot tub scene is prior to opening scene? So, if after the hot tub you mean to go back to opening dialogue, it’s not stated…or the ending as you have it is still in the past. Might want to resolve. That’s Chechov’s gun you’ might be handling and it would take making that hot tub a Time Machine so Frankee can go off. Perhaps,if thehot tub should be first scene, it could make clear the opening scene (unless you want to go: present, past, preset, past, to present with narrator reflection). Where does the start off it all. Or,Keep it linear.

There are some raw and good, maybe fresh, comments on singles dating turning into serious relationships. I like that Frankee has it under control, despite his drinking which is the hidden reason for the break-up. But, drinking too much still suggests a core flaw in your character unexposed. To get his acknowledgment it was his drinking could be hinted at by the narrator. Just a few ideas to help the assemblage of your evidence.

The ending, to bring in a horde with Gina seemed to cue narrator to Frankee having it together. I’d still be concerned, but a friend would be onboard with helping have a good time. He needs enough time, however, to get past it. Hopefully, this isn’t the beginning of alcoholism for FrankeeZee (space missing?).

In a longer story, the trials for FZ could tell a tale of misunderstandings, a delicate condition, a friend who learns from his buddy’s tragedies…there’d be more. It could help readers fully focus on modern dating and how posturing between a torn couple ended in break up. You could then introduce her. But, first it’s Gina. I’m now giving myself a Great Gatsby vibe.

I enjoyed considering your short story with its potential. Thanks for sharing.


Brian
WDC disability Writer’s Group

I’m blind, not disabled.

I see you’re brand new here. Welcome! I noticed after writing review your username is FrankZee. Interesting twist. Now, I can imagine this like Inception, though not as convoluted.


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Review of drowning thoughts  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear ivey Author Icon ~

The lyrics to this song, seemingly poignant from the start have a person who would sing these words as if in a malaise, who is down, and while troubled has reached for a pen and written lyrics projected toward others about their inward feelings. Words as lyrics commonly told in song about Love that has failed. And as usual, it is the song about the one that got away. And I wonder, is this primarily what lands writers on the Internet to share their words?

What is it that a person is hoping to find by presenting lyrics to a song? The intent of the words seem to reach for a grandiose response to have them published and recorded? Is it part of the remaining dream or hope that some part of life will lift up one who writes down their feelings, feeling if they were heard they will have been affirmed by not only a writing community, but find themselves on a path to success? Because their inner feelings are something that the rest of society is yearning to hear? I have done it, many items and time I’ve shared here seek the same way.

I think what you write is what drives the machine. That is the type of thing like dreams, that husked, put into a process, comes out on the other side as food for life. This is not uncommon. It is what I know. Surviving is the next thought that arrives. When a poem is produced as lyrics, whether as a diary, or journal entry here, it opens about a memory. Can these lyrics move further for the writer, or, just sit here for the next however many years? I look around and find many abandoned.

So, when you’ve been here as long as someone like me, encouraged to review from a list, writers like yourself who recently had an anniversary, find something to review and celebrate that account. And so I do and I usually move to the next as a bumble bee, mostly bumbling…and go onto someone who is active. Attempts to review people who have been inactive have drawn some out, back in. And because the person who has been here as long and reviews as much as I do, likes to take those long shots to see if a person who has been idle can become active again.

It’s only been a year for you. I tried to stay within the decade, but have known to go all the way back to when my account started. With little success. I think some people might be annoyed by my random process, as I do. What I try to find is something that I find interesting, worthy of comment, regardless of how long it’s been. I’ve gone from looking at anything, to trying to find active or upgraded accounts. Otherwise, slim pickings. I seldom look to see when they were last online.

Doing anniversary reviews is a different dog. I do find people like yourself thought active, like the interactives…accounts for people who only are here for the interactive items. And sadly one day, all inactive or interactives that I don’t go near. But, this was worth it.

Sincerely,

Brian
disAbility Writers Group Reviewer

If you need help navigating, I can point you to any resource that might assist you further in your travels in this community.

It might appear life is good?


I never sought reviewing groups for credit. I WAS APPROACHED, encouraged, worked at the reviewing craft. I knew coercion could find a way to alter or negate my voice altogether. I gave, am right. I carefully choose…individualism.


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Review of Time and Mind  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Nightblue Author Icon ~

When I see a new writer at Writing.Com, I have to ask what brings them here to share their writing? What do you hope to get from your experience, foremost? But first, feedback. A response to “Time and Mind”, that I might intrude to offer comment…

Something here I can help illuminate further, as I see from what you’ve learned, what you are going for in this poem. Time elements are tricky and confusing, and sometimes leave me a bit twisted up. But the word flow is a great function and the notion of time idling…it reminds of the saying a watched pot does not boil. We slow down time in anticipation, rather by distracting ourselves, and caught up in some deviation of the mind and its awareness that doesn’t allow acknowledgment of time passage. So, this is about mindfulness. Memory is also a key factor, as we recall things. We are placing memories in time, sometimes unintentionally around other events that occurred.

Without knowing your level of understanding of writing, the skill is in the text you offer, the only measure I have to determine where it is you take your craft, and if I have any experience to offer moving forward. Let’s start with just a few thoughts…you exhibit a rhythm and sequence thoughts that ask unanswered questions to get a reader on the same journey. “The now” inspires it, knows time isn’t physical but neural. You showed that connection.

The structure of a poem can be important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. Your poem has the rigid, four-line verses that function well. A poem can be inhibited if the structure was too far off base.

Word choice is important. Some poems use a word that seemed beyond the scope of the writer and not quite the right word to nuance message, if not in actual definition. Sometimes the right word in the right place is a zinger, really powerful. You manage well to introduce your thoughts, though I’d check one misspell (first verse) and an awkward sentence later that might have a word in the way or doesn’t know where to stand in the assemblage. We did get the big word and you introduced it aptly.

Imagery. Some poems capture an image so effectively – readers can see the image. Some poems miss in that the image or message is lost in vague and ambiguous wording and imagery. Some writers seem to try too hard to for flowery language or the emotions and the message is either trite or unclear. Clarity is essential. You were straightforward, getting into your inner space where you can imagine outer space and the concepts that bring about the message.

Emotion. Poetry, in any form, has to capture an emotion and transfer that feeling to the reader. Some poetic emotion is in the category of sadness – loss, loneliness, abandonment, insult, being ostracized. Happiness – love, acceptance, success, accomplishment. The thing about this, more so than other forms of poetry, is that the form can capture a wide range of emotions. This is pure wonderment, joy and sharing through discovery. It serves as introduction to story.

How would you rate your own writing skill? Are there writers that have inspired you already? Hopefully, we'll learn more through our individual processes, as you grow as a writer here or wherever time takes you. Hopefully, you’ll join some writing groups to find some fun prompts, motivation and like-minded writers in your endeavors.

It was a pleasure to read and give an overview of the joy you share in your poem.

All the best,

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group

BOOK
Never Was Open in new Window. (18+)
A nothing from nowhere cast his words to a world wide wind, and got in your eye.
#1149750 by Citizen Journalist Author IconMail Icon


Nature does trust a crude human’s love to touch a seldom seen Northern Pearly Eye.
Apologies for any errata. I have low vision.-


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Review of Mark  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Mr. Meyer, (too formal? I feel like a school teacher *Laugh*)


Your hook to this story has so many great elements with suspense building. But at the end of the second paragraph it hit me. This needs to go in reverse order so the reader can be witness like the hit man, taking it in as if catching up what’s happening before realizing we are aside a villain. The slow build to assassin can help ramp up investment in story. An example (not changing your words (much) but reordering with notes).

The little old man was just enjoying an afternoon of shopping. (We are visualizing character and scene establishing before suspense building. “just” grabs our attention.)

Bruno stood outside the bakery. (Second establishment, early foreboding)

(H)is mark was hopping from (hopped)…(Hop, hmm. how does he move like a bunny, if old? I’m gathering he’s pleasant, in his element?) …store to store buying groceries and vegetables.

(Suggestion: describe him as stalker in two words here) had taken precautions to avoid notice, chang(ing)(or, should it be ‘hiding’) his appearance with hats and glasses. (clear or shades?)

Bruno was confident he hadn't been made. Could wind up as two paragraphs still, or one long one.

Fin. Brain, ow? I’d assemble that…but eye strain now. Dry eyes.

Phew! Mixed myself up a bit with Writing ML. Hard to show edit notes like this. Can’t see as I go. Hope it makes sense. Nice work. The site could use a picker/pull down menu, gah. Discouraging, me writing code. Don’t know how early programmers did it, or now.

This review in part is due to Jeff, by paying his kindness forward.

Sincerely,

Brian

Refresh eye drops now


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Review of A Whistle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this for a crafty, quick language that matches the symbol in your story. I did not know it was the wind. Does wind make sound or is it heard from its persistence around the landscape. I didn’t catch invisible either. But it made for good suspense. I’ve perused many of your poems, but this grabs me best.

Brian


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14
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Review of My class…  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the title line as the writer’s own prompt to produce a poem about being idled and doodling words into poem. It even counts the ways it fills the page, it’s whimsical and gives us a feel for narrator and what challenges.

Good job


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15
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
As a reviewer, I can be compulsive. The act of writing a helpful review is my aim. Clouds might get pushed away in the effort of sharing these thoughts…typos likely, alerts ahead!

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* A BELATED HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!!


Hope you had a Happy Account Anniversary, Kåre เลียม Enga Author Icon ~

I tried, but wheels keep coming off, and 18 hours a day in a recliner. Any cake left?

You might know this poem would be my wheel-house. Something I can witness for a cold life is having math as a warm friend. Numbers I understand, people not so much. In fact, I’ve done a lot of unauthorized measuring around here to get a better grip on this virtual reality. Still clueless…mostly. Not much math works out, and blind faith doesn’t come naturally. If guarded I be, so be it.

What a journey this poem is to consider all it packs. I like its brevity, feel it computes math through science to nature — as math explains all that is knowable — and arrives at what should be easy with a sort of romanticism for friendship and simple sentimentality. I feel the emphasis, ultimately, as conclusion, resides in here. So, a measured poem be math for life. Solve for this?

Breaking apart “[to mathematics] E2” (great, eye-catching title) to examine three components being witnessed here — title, lineal, and an escalation — each played a role in shaping the final revelation for me.

Title: That bracketed invocation of sorts “[to mathematics]” primes a reader for a kind of devotional or letter — as if we witness your private correspondence, or open letter to the world. “E2” could suggest an equation, an exponential form, a codename, or even just the poet’s own numeric filing (I’ve noted with others) — as it’s open to me in interpretation, but left wondering about physics, where my heads been at in all things relative. Its framing might invite a mathematical lens: expecting formulas, or deviations from them.

Linear: The poem tightly moves in clean, unrhymed, minimalistic lines — and not just brevity but deliberate pacing. The early lines, kind of rigidity: “straight lines / and straight perceptions.” They set the expectation of logic and order. But that expectation is quick disrupted — “yield / to fractals” — and a shift into witnessed imagery no longer geometric, but environmental. So much happening in small spaces, likened to my themes of atom building and spaces I roam between (invisibly as ghost/captor of life). That enjambment echoes your poem content: the structure itself speaks to something softer, more irregular, but more alive.

Escalation: The poem moves from abstract (math, perception) to natural imagery (shores, islands, icebergs) to the human equation: “you and I / and us.” I’m feeling this shift so well. This progression is beautiful. It begins- with a concept, walking through the world, and arriving in relationship. The science for friendship or love? The shift is not even sentimental just for sentiment’s sake — it has logic, emotion, and is universal to me. The self…not a number alone. Yet, I’m at the deli counter of life where all things impersonal arrive while I wait, as time and other noted numbers count, sort, rank, as aims and goals bleaker. Interconnected in many ways, your poem boils down in simple science here. I play with too many unfinished thoughts from complicated, bad, unruly math for life. (Prosciutto, three pounds, and a pound of your sliced provolone?) Big sandwich day.

For a poem so brief, it is remarkably expansive. In its three acts — idea, image, intimacy — charted how even a cold logic bends to the warmth of connection. Dichotomous? Yin Yang? And, that the poem ends in “us” feels not just poetic but vital, especially in times when the only constants in life seem to be isolation and confusion. In this way, the poem does what good math — and good poetry — strives for: to make sense of chaos, even when only approximate.

A thoughtfully distilled poem. One that adds up for me. Viva le poetry! Le or La? French/Spanish?? Lost in idle thought, again. A would-be anniversary reviewer, disabled well enough to silent hang with…these guys…disAbility Writer’s Group (but not a poster senior, yet)

⸻

There comes
a softening
to mathematics
when straight lines
and straight perceptions yield (slope?)
to fractals
of rocky shores
of sandy islands
and melting icebergs
to equations
of you and I
and us.

————————————
Any shape intention? I can sense land masses to water where bergs melt ~


Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group

Image #2337000 over display limit. -?-



A pay it forward review, thanks to Jeff Author Icon or Heffe, as he’s known around the complex. I’m just leaving bold on. Me and Writing ML…


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Review of The curse  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Pumpkin Spice Sox Author Icon ~

I like the story concept and happily ever after, feeling some writer self-indulgence which was good. I think we all want to close our eyes and imagine.

For a short story, i found I could adapt to the premise through this first parrot narrative, recanting a story. Where I found it turn sideways was the instant fame, and further, being pursued by men who wanted to take her wing and walk the wedding aisle? Wasn’t sure about that. If it’s a 24-hour prompt, I get it. Story still functions.

I like the remaining suitor and what was essentially true about falling for someone, knowing they care. Then, his mother’s death, a fortune to be had if to marry. I get his type wouldn’t pressure. So, siideways a bit there with his logic to part ways. Or, the logic — you can’t have a foul interspecies marriage. His intent wasn’t to coo this bird so they’d build their love nest?

Yet, the curse is lifted by “true love” that could use a bit more ceremony of the nature of this romance, so they could fly off together. I enjoyed the description of the transformation. More of that could really put a reader there, get inside the character’s feathers. I presume she molted.

Do you imagine your reading audience when you write? You have a natural default that appeals from adolescent to young adult. I don’t know the literary standards, but “pissed” was hard. It does help define your character by choice of words. The doing the opposite thing is classic.

Overall, still imaginative and entertaining, yet raw. There’s better ways to start the story, like all the men courted a beauty before turned to bird, and your guy hung around post curse for friend/soulmate and not the pretty face. Easy reason for this punishment, getting full of self and was going to settle for some loser instead of Mr. Right. You reviewed Sonali with “The Missing Coins” and her character punished a smug son. Just a few thoughts.

Good work. I enjoy your fiction, as you have some great ways of presenting language to depict unique situations.

Sincerely,

Brian
I Write In 2025
and disAbility Writer's Group Reviewer

It might appear life is good?






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Review of The Missing Coins  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear THANKFUL SONALI Party Hopping! Author Icon ~

This story is interesting, straightforward and gave me some things to consider about magic.

First off, characters are solid, the hook got me right into story, and the progression of story is easy to follow, with just one typo of note, “waked’ instead of “walked to the front door.”

There are moments I’m to consider how this omniscient voice sees from Martin’s perspective like a sibling maybe, like reading his mind when presumed “Mom must’ve texted Dad…” But, then narrator observes the story like we do to learn what went wrong with the trick.

As reader, observer, I was curious about the trick that failed, given his confidence and described ability. I don’t have a hollow cane to experiment with, but I might note for myself should it be a weight difference in an oft handled object that is hollow or filled once lifted. I googled the cane, going off American currency, while i could assume a Rial, unfamiliar with size and weight or the number and actual coins in trick; but, it would have to be enough to give this appearance of many so an audience might note witness.

The cane I googled how much it could dispense with however many coins. I chose a quarter with 5.67 grams weight. When totaled 80 grams, its two ounces. The cane is likely heavier because of mechanism, but three pounds tops? So, given all that with his ability, it might give a reader like me pause. If even a note that she knows the missing coins wouldn’t be sensed by removal, it might sell this better? Anyway, I did the math. Whatever unit of weight.

As a reader, I admit I missed tone in his voice, but did note the mother’s comment about “teenagers” after telling him “don’t get overconfident.” I’d invoke a Harrison Ford, “don’t get cocky kid,” myself. I didn’t see behavior on his part that makes the reveal of her ruse a valid reason for upsetting her son but sabotaging his act. I have to put it in those terms, as I’m a poor disciplinarian and have coddled one child after a spelling bee gaffe. But, he was younger.

Overall, the story functions. The ending could use a little more. Maybe, showing the son’s remorse over having acted cocky (lesson learned), over what seemed like over-confident? He does demonstrate clingy-ness…which I presume is not a desired response. It could help cinch it for a reader if more is written into justifiable demeanor?

For me, the key is to leave no doubt about the justification. Dad’s reaction seemed just on first response. Her deliberate preparedness and intake of his food seemed a bit gratuitous as smug. It can be a cultural misinterpretation on my part. But, he didn’t seem to disagree. Though, the “oh, now he’s my kid” moment doesn’t fit the tenor. It’s like a ‘don’t blame this just on me’ moment or that a child might take after a parent (unless demonstrated, but he made her food).

So, just some notes on things I saw. I like the mystery, left with anticipation in a moment of error that plays out. It could be cringe-worthy for some readers, especially if noting mom’s role. It takes its time getting to the reveal…maybe, if shorter could add justification cues. Otherwise, I question the mother’s intent, as she is punishing him for the way she behaves at the end, deciding his fate without a more direct intervention (for unnoted repeated behavior). I’d need more from her son to see unruly. But, suspect a stricter culture. Her voice intones voices I’ve heard in tv fiction that feel assured of their parental rights.

Considering the title, it could be, “THE Magic Trick.” That way this reveals more covertly in its mystery of THE true trick that played.


Sincerely,


Brian
I Write In 2025
and disAbility Writer’s Group Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.


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Review of The Id of God  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
My Review is for "I Write in 2025 " Open in new Window.

Review of "The Id of God" Open in new Window.

Dear Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon ~

Your intriguing poem may or may not be well-meaning, but I’m handling it in this review with regard to the Christian faith. Review watchers and believers may take note my attempt to raise up and send support to Christianity (suddenly wondering where are our temples here?) Let’s study your words. I went into this as doubting Brian…

I’m curious about this poem and a form that intrigues with possibilities. The use of “contrapuntal poetry” (odd name) feels like puzzling child-taught core religious notes without substantial takeaway for a reader. Seldom does the community offer much or fails to illuminate readers and reviewers like me. There’ hope.

With this form (with a writer’s eye), I might have applied sensory-filled acts (on a cross bleeding, princely thorns mocking, betrayed with a kiss, forsaken martyr — our savior). Jesus presents strong images. I don’t know how the holy trinity functions (learn here), but the poem lacks the stuff to add up its makeup via intermingled poems. Is it three woven poems, or moreover, three woven characters, elements meaning to feed off the other. It fills a form, but little enlightens with message. I’ll get into this hybrid religion in an antiquated psychologist’s bubble further along. And now, I’m feeling the burn of irony.

Usually poem forms like this are a poet’s first encounter with an activity prompt in community. Not knowing rules of form, I question its brevity when tackling religion (and psychology). Do we not desire poems of reverence with a modern plea to get back our old-time gospel and parishioners, joyfully sing the praises. Or, is this idle tom-foolery (profanity was considered — rules — vagaries)?

How to consume a poem loosely playing with subject (albeit, nod to experimental) to demonstrate as faith intends, with a Freudian eye up in it. I can’t preach, but further is my ignorance. That prompts me to research. And a wonderment: are intelligent religious poems offered anywhere that get an Amen? written for a society failing its faith, worn down with dull apathy, provoked into complacency, by outsiders bent on taking our daily bread?

And considering a poet-offered introduction to further play on title, Freudian psychology seems parody or lack of God-valued reverence. (Did the famous psychologist make this conclusion, or be assumed?) I see this review as an opportunity to reveal ideological flaws amid an earnest theological/psychological fusion that still may offend the remaining devout. And, maybe that’s to be part of the poem appeal.

I’m happy to be shown my wrong-headed notions, as well. The poem title should entice, as the title line, “Contrapuntal poetry from my idea that the Trinity are God's ego, superego, and id...”

There’s a genuine ache beneath my words — as I desire spiritual poems to mean something again, feel live, with reverence, and attuned with a modern malaise in society. The Id of God offers a surface-level novelty, lacks depth in either theology or the emotive.

Let’s unpack with a critical eye, yet open heart, honoring my devout mother’s example, while giving you the dignity of my best consideration.


This form is rich in possibilities: voices, time, or states of being intermingling and elevating meaning with texture. Here, the Holy Trinity akin to Freud’s psychic structure: ego, superego, and id are interwoven. Rather than insight or new reverence gained, this felt more like a play of parts — theological cosplay came to mind, over hopeful spiritual encounter.

The poem uses three characterizations:
• The Father is just
• The Son is kind
• The Spirit is Holy

Immediate reduction is evident. This makes centuries of doctrine and lived experience into moral flashcards. What could have been — the Godhead imagined through psychology — reads as generalities.

Each trio of lines after patterns about the same, just as simplistic:
• Always strong / Sometimes healing / Always present
• Sometimes destructive / Always loving / Always working

How to align these traits with id/ego/superego? with the Trinity? It’s unclear for me. I get stuck at the Spirit is “Holy” and ‘Sometimes destructive’? This might imply the Spirit represents the id as unruly or chaotic. Or, the Father (ego?) is “Always working” but governs through divinity? I don’t see theological or psychological comparison to help a reader make connections. It’s more of guessing game.

The final three lines for me attempt a moral takeaway:
• Makes us think of him / Makes us desire him / Makes us act like him.

Makes us desire him especially jars. What sort of desire? Spiritual hunger? Carnal longing? Obedience? Worship? This offers little to go on. I suggest ‘desire’ in Freudian terms leans hard into that meaning. Without further development, this feels more awkward than profound...if even the aim than some light word play.

Your note (light, casual) reveals the poem as more of an exercise or play. That’s fine to workshop. I seek gravity or humility, or something that acknowledges God when invoking. Comparing the Trinity with Freudian terms isn’t so offensive — but does demand care. I can’t fully see this as thouht through or in earnest.

If you’re going for satire, it needs insight with bite. If sincere, needs more development. Maybe, for theoretical, clarity can do it well. Too glib to be reverent and too vague to be subversive.

Summarizing with my thoughts:
• What human POV in this poem? Where is Christ’s bleeding side? or mother at the tomb, a sad world waiting for God?
• The Id of God as title might have set the wheels in motion for this, but not showing or fully realized.
• What would it mean if God did have a superego!? It’s fun to consider. or if the Spirit was the id? Would that make a reader uncomfortable, or show something we’ve ignored? Go with that.

This poem feels more of a rough draft of an idea. And for divinity, ideas alone aren’t really enough when setting out to write. You’re not wrong for experimenting. But what remains missing is communion — with spirit, with reader, and with language that risks the trembling of belief.

It was a pleasure considering this conceptual piece during a time when Christianity feels a bit on the skids. I was hoping for more, with some revelation. Maybe, I did/have. At least, prompted to consider with having ideas of that form and many things I could write.

Sincerely,

Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group
and “I Write in 2025” reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.


Phew. Sending it. Off! Off my plate, foul review!


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19
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
My Review of “Haiku For Contemplation”

Dear Apondia Author Icon ~

I’m reading your triple haiku, Haiku For Contemplation, for I Write in 2025. I’m intrigued by and enjoy not only writing but consuming haikus, especially to lend thoughts with feedback. Grouping three haikus in one poem is something I’ve become familiar with recently years and enjoy these expansions of thought through anything like ordered progression. After reading, "Haiku for Contemplation" Open in new Window., I initially formed questions to ask myself:

What is the goal of each haiku here, specifically what takeaways? What is the goal of a triple haiku and what is achieved here?

Described as “3 Haiku for Contemplation” what personal bias can a reader use to contemplate on and envision?
Do transitions operate smoothly and keep the haiku form function and with flow?
Where are summary thoughts contained, and is the final summary reflecting back on all?

What is contemplated amid imagery, motifs or themes with any connecting sensory to reveal scenes? Is narrative in the way or complimentary?

This triple haiku fills form requirements, but lacked focus for me. I noted some awkward and passive language to check out. Where I feel strongest is conclusion of 2nd haiku, maybe better as open to that haiku? Read “weather” used four times, while lacking some details. Anything like squalls, thunder, light rain or other elements in scene to connect nature details to “wisdom” theme. Poem would benefit from sensory impulses to inform/tease a reader to plug in. I have so much to say on this. I think anything from me will seem dissertation.

As a professional journalist, I know poetry is akin to radio news copy I had written with brevity and imagery to illuminate listeners’ minds. Haikus serve a similar purpose. Since haikus traditionally capture fleeting moments in nature to get inward reflection, they work quite well on their own with minimalism and the smallest of evidence to give imagery and sensory details life of their own before a reader’s watchful eye. It lends to each person’s collective imagination. Your poem I’ve noted with a weather motif, both literal and metaphorical. I do see opportunities to get more out of this fresh write.

Each haiku seems to convey a knowing wisdom with natural observation. The first haiku introduces weather in transition, using breezes and clouds to foretell storms. The second haiku tries to link these observations to wisdom through the cycles of nature. The third summarizes this as learning used as a method before it quickly cuts to ‘a peaceful daily life’. I did struggle a bit to full grasp what you offer this reader, made my own assumptions to fill. Through questions derived, I have takeaways for you.

This is a “triptych structure’ and what I learned is it might intend to simulate movement from observation to learning to this applied wisdom. But, the transitions are slightly abrupt. Haikus, even when tripled, usually thrive on some tension between image and what that implies, or for this reader to infer. It feels what you have here tells a reader rather than allow those depictions offered to wash over a witness to feel or discover through poetic suggestion. Maybe, the missing link is elements that closely depict sensory details.

Suggestions I came up with:

First Haiku —

My wife and I discussed “Marshmallow clouds” just as a visual representation. It took third to cotton and popcorn. Yours is a soft, childlike image, which contrasted with “tomorrow’s storms,” a metaphor that didn’t deepen our understanding. Could the clouds be given more tension, like swollen, looming, visual suggestion for what’s impending? The other thought here is about “gusty breezes” which functions but seen as too generic. A verb or detail that gives more could sharpen it. I both see and hear “snapping flags” or “ruffling maple leaves” that both bring about memory, possibly nostalgia.

Second Haiku —
“Watching weather swell” stuck out for me as an example of passive writing. I do it all the time, likely in this review. I like to catch these in editing, preferring to cull my feelings into words, be in that moment as much as possible. A haiku like yours can have true immediacy with weather development. You might consider making this central link more sensory or visceral (gut feeling). I can recall times I had to quick pack it in, low clouds, winds blowing stuff around is my general feeling about storm approach. And those first droplets, quick downpours, and more. I don’t have to tell you. Sometimes, when I write this, my mind harnesses memories that access experience mostly.

As clouds swelling, what it might look like then feelings that emerges. I did enjoy the last line of this haiku, “Knowledge grows wisdom.” That’s is a truism that does tells rather than evoke, but I like it as your overall takeaway after a storm progression. The peaceful part actually strategizes the epiphany here. But, is wisdom being shown through anything sensory and metaphoric, or through an image of someone acting wisely in response to change? Even a narrative voice can show progression here…a very nuanced one. Might be a tall task, if in that quest.

Third Haiku —

The phrase “Earth weather routine” was too abstract for my tastes, further does not ground in imagery but generalizes. found in classic haiku. “Quick weather response” is also not describing yet. The final line, “Peaceful daily life,” also would be more compelling if more had been shown to get here. Like I said about “Knowledge grows wisdom” as summary, you might have your best line coupling that could finish (“With a…) peaceful daily life/knowledge grows wisdom.”

On Contemplation, my Takeaway:

My core question was “What do readers contemplate after reading?” There’s potential with your poem to explore details of nature unfolding and what reveals that makes us wise to live more harmoniously. With the takeaway could come stronger images with sensory words that vividly described, immerse a reader to separate from page and apply one’s own bias. I think of moisture carried by wind on skin, how alert or quiet the denizen around us, smell of rain, etc. Imagery can provide layered meaning. General summations might seem cliche, dry or idiomatic.

Speaking of Narrative Flow —

Another approach that might abandon some previous notes here. I see a sort of progression happening from early observation to arrive at understanding before takeaway. Yet, these haikus don’t quite arc or reflect back on all. Maybe, the final haiku could circle back to an initial, offered image, before ‘voila’, changed by experience? I think how some deem a bear sighting as a transcendent experience for knowledge or a rite of passage. Maybe, some descriptive element in scene can be that signal of wisdom passed on?

This triple haiku honors form’s tradition, and your noted journalism background gives you a trained eye for observed cycles and patterns to report. I’d encourage taking more risk, even if figurative with less explaining. I’d suggest giving images sensory thoughts and feelings that speak, and trust the reader to relate, decode, come away with beautifully unique reveries of their own. You’re basically giving a very special weather report from heart and soul to responding hearts and souls of readers.

If you should rewrite, I would enjoy seeing and relating this offering.

Sincerely,

Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group
and I Write In 2025 Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.



Ran out of time to finish editing for clarity. Sorry.


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20
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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Marvelous One/Marvella,

It’s clear from the poem you are moved to share deep appreciation for veterans and want to honor their courage. There’s sincerity here that should be preserved. You do well to honor these soldiers, offering a tone of earnest gratitude and reverence.

Overall, your poem reveals a noble heart, like a direct appeal that truly respects sacrifices made by U.S. veterans. The acrostic form, (HONORING OUR VETERANS), is admirable and a thoughtful construction, though some lines reach a bit to fit form, leading to some strain in the otherwise good rhythm and word choice.

I like imagery choices here, especially in the first stanza, giving this reader that sense of fatigue, with struggle and grit. Words like ‘heavy sack’, ‘endless miles’, and ‘breathing heavy from exhaustion’ are all effective and create a clear picture of the reality of life served in armed services. The middle section also reflected purpose and resolve well.

That second half of the poem leans more into the abstract, like philosophical territory. It adds righteous anger, sacrifice, and some political conflict. Perhaps, not what a veteran might want to hear. You would benefit from keeping the context of poem in that personal or emotional language, rather than things like “terrorism is not tolerated here.” But, it’s really not judged or read by many veterans for this activity/contest. Just a suggestion.

Perhaps, you could make a shift in part two toward why these things matter to you or for us, in regards to freedom, loved ones, safety. Then, it would connect more deeply for readers, judges. Maybe, you could try finishing by bringing the poem back to the personal, like, “To every soul who served — our thanks, our pride, our memory preserved.” Maybe, just vivid verbs and tighten the rhyme somehow could heighten emotional impact and continue the challenge of the acrostic letters with a bit more verve.

Now, I do note some gaffes. And as you said in the “I Write” forum, time to give it a rest. I hear you there. I can point out some stuff for you to look at to tighten this up, when you’re ready.

Spelling/Grammar Suggestions (I see six right off) —

1. Honering is Honoring
2. isles should be aisles (referring to paths…although, if metaphorically, “isles” could work, but it’s a stretch unless more offered to clarify)
3. emit, but I think you mean commit (“emit” would be giving off light, or sound, or gas…but not what I think you meant here)
4. Vengence is spelled Vengeance
5. faught is fought
6. saught is sought

Unless we got some military-type slang at work on the last two, of that I’m not aware.

Phrasing could be improved in a few areas (a few areas to consider) —

• Line 6: “Into the unknown, unfamiliar isles” — if keeping “isles,” you could make it more vivid or metaphorical with things like ‘isles of dread’ or ‘isles of fate’ or clarify the image further there, or even a change to “aisles” if you’re referring to passageways or symbolic paths a soldier takes.

• Line 14: “Angry souls casting weapons to have satisfied” — the meaning of this one is a bit unclear. Consider revising for clarity, if you mean something more like, ‘Angry souls cast weapons, seeking peace unsatisfied’. Another attempt, ‘Angry souls cast weapons, their fury unappeased’. Or, the like.

• Lines 15–16: there might be another approach to connecting these lines more clearly to help a reader, and to show your poem’s larger sentiment. One suggestion for you could try is something like…

“Never-ending wars that leave us distraught,
Yet the sovereignty of nations is bravely sought.”

This poem you offer would likely mean something to a veteran who reads it. You keep hanging in there. Got my bad days, too. I encourage you to keep writing from the heart, your support of military will surely uplift them on a difficult day.

Sincerely,

Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group
and I Write In 2025 Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.



Should you want me to re-review, I’m happy to reconsider post any edits.


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21
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Review of Her All Along  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear ivey Author Icon ~

Just a quick assessment on reread (with dissertation to follow, mostly for the review watchers), the first four couplets are the heart and essence of this poem that offer the true reveal, indirectly pointing to either misunderstood or deceptive statement with a back door escape hatch. As you offer, he still has no leg to stand on, brand it cheating. Even non-exclusive doesn’t cover it. People thinking themselves clever for their simplistic, narcissistic tendencies leave that hatch to escape from false or non-disclosure in statement, readied with gaslight, usually the extension that can be persuaded and granted in event there is noted duplicity without complicity of the addled victim.

The rest of the poem is more from emotion, informed by pain, can’t get fully untangled from it. The act of writing a poem such as this is one’s own escape vehicle, one that takes great purchase to own because a lie is a lie until proven or disproved. I appreciate the take, the approach, knowing this is therapeutic, a bit rehashing with a bit rehearsing to convince oneself they needn’t feel pain from what surprisingly victims own. It’s not your baggage, dear poet. Drop the bags, poem narrator. I do not have the power, only you, to release you from ill-gotten indebtedness.

I know a woman who let a man get so close to her, he financially ruined her, putting her in deeper debt. It’s her agony, with a soul disgraced, barely able to get by, with just a thankless, menial job with a son who won’t visit, and a daughter who left to go live with her dad (who has died) and half a world away with no association with her because of poor choices. I think she punishes herself. I relive so much hearing stories like this conveyed in ode. But, you are over a year away. I write and publicly share my reviews, if any care to bear witness.

I missed sending a review for this one out as an Account Anniversary Reviewer. Doing anniversary reviews and see accounts like yours that appear abandoned, now 13 months after initial start up. Yeah I am here to acknowledge from a group your membership, which lhas not offered new writing past the first two weeks oafter opening your account. And the subject matter that draws my eye among five entries still remaining, is similar to what I find in other one year accounts that have no current activity. And, subject matters covered like yours not dissimilar to that by folks who feel empty, or, left out by society, by loved ones.

I’m still thinking of the song, looking for love in all the wrong places, and writing this. With Writing.Com, the oasis-purgatory, there is escape. I fear the worst, hope for the best, when wondering about the lost ones or society’s misfits. And this is where some may have felt the tide changed for them, when their writing got them a tap on their shoulder and seemed their only outlet. For some, apparently it doesn’t happen, and they still have their words located here. They might come back to read a review, such as this. And speaking of said review, here lies my take of the poem you have offered.

My respects,

Brian
disAbility Writers Group Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.


My aim to lend feedback is, and is not, for me. I serve the writer/their heart and passion sought with words, foremost.
More in private blog entries illuminate ‘watchers’. Apologies to the author for applying this worthy platform that extends knowledge to any seeking, whether because or that absence of wavelength that might lift us from mysteries into the safety of what we know our convictions truly seek to represent. That’s why I offer ‘them’ these public reviews.


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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Angelica Weatherby- Thankful Author Icon ~

Your take on the Mulberry Bush rhyme as retro-fitted vehicle got my child memory to relate right from the open of your six couplet entry "Contest Entries" Open in new Window. for "Monsters Under The Bed" Open in new Window..

I did puzzle at first when considering “undead statue” but it sank in as I read on, perhaps from the joyful, sing-songy repetition in first verse. I was reminded of the game “statues,” imaging the likely added ‘undead’ quality in the child-stylized adaptation of the game relying on playing pretend.

The process of story-poem progression is the next detail, and this for me would be a great way to spin the Wizard of Oz, collecting characters down a yellow brick road. This opportunity gives me wonder how Dorothy’s adventure could be spun, re-enacted here. You could either end or begin with undead stature to either introduce Dorothy at start with the undead statue and anything met enroute to…? Would she then be an undead girl? Does she find her dog at end, lacking a horror adjective/modifier for Toto at this moment, but the terrier (terror *Laugh*) could eat the other creatures to save Dot at the end. Just some thoughts that gave me pause. I could try an entry of my own on that note. But offered here to you, should you like to take a new approach.

Otherwise, what you have here is straightforward. Considering contest rules, some action outcome would help fit with rule/suggestion 3: “Put your own dark twist on the poem. Your version can be mysterious, dark, or horror.” I didn’t see mystery or horror. It loosely plays as dark. What you have here could easily adapt, given the formula in place, just plugging in new details to get action, more of a story, for reader (usually with something implied like moral, at end).

Your poem could be about defeating scary monsters along the way. It might be about focusing on the undead stature, briefly coming to life like a thing in Scooby Doo trope when they’re investigating (dark scene, flashlights) but only the dog or Shaggy witness while the others, as disbelievers, shush them because the dog is a goof, but definitely the group’s talking anthropomorphic Lassie. In one scenario, Fred and Daphne (posers?) could be killed by the monsters, the other three could succumb to the zombie/undead or defeat it at end.

Scenario 2, the first thought I had, going back to Oz. However they assemble or come to life, Dot could escape with or without Toto…perhaps each creature sent to kill or join. However demise of whom or whatever, something gruesome occurs (even off camera, and they disappear). Then, repeat with banality, as the open stands now, to finish on the first verse. The undead could be envisioned as harmless at outset, comes to life, or off camera devours, as only one hint reveals to tease a reader what becomes of the entourage. I envision something of a Venus flytrap, where the undead devours other evil, whatever, however.

The idea of this idle corpse at end evokes images for me, seen in this way, shows or implies some action. Simply, the statue is as innocuous as a frozen snowman. I see this frozen undead with a bit of evidence like blood and/or flesh on its mouth. Playing with the poetry lyric: “If you don’t look out the statue/undead/zombie will come to life whenever you’re around!”

That was fun. I’d love to know if any of this can help with your entry. Truly, I have stumbled upon a great vehicle that could produce several similar entries in either Oz or Scooby Gang formulas alone, where I see so many moving pieces, the child’s game could go on for hours killing monster villains or the unsuspecting gang; even Scooby could eat whatever to rid evil or rid the others. He’s pretty tight with Shaggy, who could become possessed zombie, to be saved or killed. Stakes don’t work on zombies? Off track now, thinking of Dracula.

This is tight as is, straightforward, mild enough for young adolescents. If I had kids, I’d be making this game up for them to invite neighbor kids to play in the back yard, ASAP. What better time than summer. Horror with a snowman in winter now appears to mind, killing the mailman, dog-walker, milkman…clearly in the 50s. I’d definitely off those door-to-door Jehovahs (no offense if this is your sect), package deliverers (no offense if you toil with weird online orders), and meter readers (*Meh*). Lots to play with. Good luck in the contest!

Sincerely,

Brian
disAbility Writer’s Group
and I Write in 2025 Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.


I can’t edit this any more. Hope it’s readable, rambles less than the usual.


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Rated: E | (5.0)
As a reviewer, I can be compulsive. The act of writing a helpful review is my aim. Clouds get pushed away before sharing these thoughts.

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary audra_branson Author Icon ~

I chose to review you because you had your account anniversary yesterday. I perused several poems before I landed on this. The last two version of your poem are absolutely beautiful. So much so, I think that would ideally serve as a great start to your poem. It would really hook a reader and get your message off with a bang, with the supporting thoughts that follow. I also get why it nicely ends poem. But should you consider a small way of getting that ending is intone thst open, repeating a few lines up to adding two new to it to bring it home. Just an idea.

The imagery and sensory connected to nostalgic melancholy resonated where this poem sums up. I want to revisit this first in my review. Noting a meter and rhyme that carries throughout, it felt like you hit your stride here:

Silence your sight, take a breath,
listen to my voice.
Aging is the way of creation,
it isn't a choice.

Take my hand for a minute;
let me share.
Remind me 'fore my time is through,
that someone cares.

This narrative voice permeates poem message to really demonstrate the power of the aged speaker. ‘Silence your sight’ nails it. — gold. In a world preaching inclusion there is still hypocrisy and especially where women are made to self-assess physical appearance as they age. We went from shaming those industries who sell beauty products, produce visual materials, advertise fashion, how to look (youth factors) and ‘what are you wearing’ on red-carpet Hollywood that produces movies with two beautiful, straight people, man and woman. Beside the point.

So, this poem can cause people to reassess ageism; but without a media movement or further outcry, we no longer care. Many seniors are detracting from the whole because their bodies stop producing necessary chemicals to sustain youth. Slower speech, reflexes, vision loss and more creates negativity, considered a detriment callously. Youth gets the narrative because they will spend their money. It’s not unlikely that youth are discouraged to respect elders as in other cultures. We don’t want those free-wheeling kids to put money in savings. The aged could tip them off.

Your poem focuses at the end of the natural order of things, the acceptance. This wisdom in the poem feels like a message to the world, showing strength, calm. These words and intimations are valuable, as our youth who really need direction can see. Pair them with seniors, each helps the other. Programs out there? But, getting off track, this ends with a need to know warmth of love in world departure. This is potentially uplifting and sad all at once, brings a frown knowing people dying every hour without a loved one at their side. But, also know they don’t really get desired attention. Hopefully, a nurse Angel will be by their side with a morphine drip.

The second stanza like many others is simply put. I like this for the voice. The careful consideration of chosen words is witnessed here. These are valuable first three words in verse 2 is hitting all the right notes. It’s solid reporting to reader that helps remove the mask of appearance to show there is beating beneath that breathing for one who has much left yet to give. Line four is smart to caution, because of bias that shapes what a potential listener might consider. It would mean having to deflect, if not demure from past response as disinterest, so it seems.

This poem evenly describes — Is clean to read, with a relatable subject matter that intones theme with the wisdom it provides. Don’t judge the face of someone and not the heart and soul. It really is dehumanizing to think. Well done.



Sincerely,

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group
and Account Anniversary Reviewer

Image #2337000 over display limit. -?-



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for entry "Teaching: My Passion" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Humming Bird,

I hear selflessness, a passion for education being fulfilled as a conduit for the joy received for those efforts mentioned in this blog entry. It’s a very candid offering, considering the types that felt need to wrinkle their noses at you. I’m still hearing old world judgment remains, rather than the generational tides adjusting the social landscape with the times. You seem to take it in stride, as your blog entry feels effortless, directly reveals in what is a confessionary style of writing. The candor is sweet, gives me lots of images. Good images. I miss my kids being little because it allowed me to show another side of myself, act like a kid again, relive childhood. Because of this, your experiences can be multi-dimensional and connected with your own understanding from remembrances of youth.

Really this is rare for me to experience something like this, and half a world away and feel I’m near to warm spirit, the exact opposite of a nihilistic universe that calculates and manipulates. In these times, people still rob the well-meaning souls unfortunately coerced.. it can’t be ignored. It’s good to see this kind of kindness, though. My acts continue, (ir)regardless. I mirror your behavior and add my sentiments of what a wonderful thing you are doing. I can honestly believe you can do this and be there for yourself where nasal bones are tempted to reshape … ”crook.” I befuddled Google’s AI with your figure of speech. It went on about rhinoplasty. *RollEyes*

I’m actually hunting for unique words right now, including the familial lexicon with quirky onomatopoeia-like ability. I’ll have to include figures of speech like this. ‘Crooked noses’ could also be ‘sour pusses’, too.

Congratulations on your joy and happy purpose, and thanks for sharing.

Warm Regards,

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group
and I Write in 2025 Reviewer.

I’m blind, not disabled.



What I learned while Googling to lend feedback, I got this AI assist —.

“‘Regardless’ and ‘irregardless’ are often used interchangeably, both meaning ‘without regard to’ or ‘despite everything’. However, ‘irregardless’ is generally considered nonstandard in formal writing and professional communication. While some dictionaries recognize ‘irregardless,’ it's often seen as a mistake or a variation of ‘regardless’.
Here's a more detailed breakdown….
Regardless:
This is the standard word and is widely accepted in formal and informal contexts. It means ‘without regard to’ or ‘not affected by’.
Irregardless:
This word is formed by adding the prefix ‘ir-‘ to ‘regardless.’ While it means the same thing as ‘regardless,’ it is considered nonstandard because of the double negative and its perceived awkwardness. It's best to avoid ‘irregardless’ in formal writing and stick with ‘regardless’.”

I’m didactic, AI is a bit pedantic.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/eng...


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Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Tim Chiu Author Icon ~

I approached your poem through the website’s read and review link (I never seem to get these reviews done before timer runs out. I’ll sit on it for another hour to work out the kinks.).

I’ve often tried to consume your poetry, encouraged early on by auto-rewards, which I don’t visit anymore. Your poem has a lot going on, seemingly a free associated write, but clicking on something auditory, reaching for lyrical, where roadblocked by punctuation, enjambment amid line breaks that are unusually employed. I’m focusing on the language that appears to lack a consistent message, maybe from any metaphor, to include symbolism or imagery. Nouns don’t appear to be concrete and there is some personifying that arrives as a bit of oddity.

Phrases that befuddle include: “Managed chaos comes to grips…” or the verse’in part:

“That cavalcade, that cavalry,
Slide the muffin, every day -
Enjoy the modest revelry,
Span the journey - say, don’t say!”

Really, the muffin? I don’t want to hunt the internet for loosely applied words that don’t hint at a particular vernacular. I feel universal language foremost helps readers. The title primes not the read for me. The poem’s pacing can’t be denied, but punctuation is like metal barbs

Ticking Upward: The Folks Get Primed is the first awkward thing for me to consume. I lean on my spouse from time to time, as we lounge in our living room, and bounced a few things off her tonight. She had a similar reaction to what I read, not knowing how precise my intonation of the words. Her general frustration to comprehend, I guess, is understandable.

The poem displays what might be a stretch to describe as a surrealist patchwork. More likely, a string of disjointed images and phrases that stitch together for more of a rhythm and rhyme, rather than provide some clarity or resonate with me thematicly.

Here are a few observations we concurred on, before she slipped out, with further interpretation

Looking at Language and Coherence

The lack of consistent message, metaphor, or concrete imagery did seem central in consideration for better understanding. I googled what I needed a term to describe and came up with a kind of “performative lyricism,” which means you have an ear for sound and rhythm when you compose. You drive the poem with the clips and phrases that did not provide any meaning. I first got stuck at “Slide the muffin, every day” appearing to be whimsical, bordering on deliberately absurd. We could not find argument for any deeper symbolic intent. I did learn surrealist poets play with abstraction while maintaining tonal control, where this feels arbitrary or a patchworked poem.

My instinct as a poetry observer and composer is to pay attention to nouns that we both agreed didn’t appear concrete, or the odd use of personification among them that seemed to have no function. I was tempted to google vernacular usage at several junctures, but felt I’d end up over-decoding (hunting for meaning that isn’t there) like I’m prone to do. It might disengage a reader, having to stop, think, make argument for every vague statement.

I took note of Punctuation and Line Breaks

I likened the punctuation to read like speed bumps, as if randomly placed. I am prone to fail with line breaks, punctuation, but take notes and get better by sounding it out. Once my ears collect the evidence, I have many choices to make for pauses up to dramatic reveal, and have consistency. The dashes, semicolons, and abrupt enjambments on these short lines either break poem flow or come blurted, non-sequitur phrases, but interfere with comprehension. These “metal barbs” draw attention to themselves in a way that disrupts what you express, further weigh-laying a reader.

As to Imagery and Diction

The poem toys with “sonic pleasure” (it’s about alliteration and rhyme). I found that reference in response of terms like “legal eagle,” “concomitant,” and “dead-red” that were without tonal harmony. This read could range from anything elevated, colloquial or nonsensical (“bump, disparage” or “modest revelry”). However, with a rewrite, it would be interesting to ground voice, so it doesn’t come across like skittering wordplay, which I’ve also been guilty of.

I generally thought pacing and rhythmic confidence give your poem some momentum, but needs to button down to get a clearer meaning or emotional feel. While there’s evident play with language and sound, the quick shifts in tone and the surreal with juxtapositions might disorient a reader, less than intrigued.

I can’t imagine reaching for the unique “slide the muffin” or “managed chaos comes to grips,” that as stand alone could be prompts to challenge poets. The title did little to framework the read, but act with significance before poem message. The lack of concrete imagery or metaphorical logically consistent makes it difficult for a reader to grasp what you’re relaying.

You seem passionate about this, share so much here, it’s unfortunate I can’t capture what may be social commentary to offer something to intone message. For me, the poem is ambiguity. I’d suggest consider areas to amp clarity, bring message home.

I tried to give your poem a thoughtful read, make use of google and espouse opinion to see if I could draw more from this. My advice would be to notice poetry devices, the poem’s mechanics and see if there’s a particular emotional arc or imagery thread you hoped would come from this. I’m around, will likely happen upon you again.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC disAbility Writer’s Group Reviewer

I’m blind, not disabled.


I wrote this review several days ago, fingers crossed I didn’t need to go over again to look for errata.


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