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3,050 Public Reviews Given
3,730 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Quill 2024 Nominee.
3,706 reviews? Feels like a million words since. Word-ometer needle broke. I get stuck, limited eyesight reminds. I did it for others, to improve my critical analysis of our art, but get to know each and their approaches to our shared love, *Heart* ~~ *Quill*}
Style? Read my reviews. Look at other’s output. Responses of my reviews have affirmed.
~Mantra: I see the good, with an eye toward potential, but not be/play authority of someone else’s words, left to the master of the work. Reflect/react/review, a fuller perspective.
In 2024: “Your reviews are great…supportive, encouraging, and ‘in depth’, with excellent suggestions…exactly the kind of reviews I…strive to write. Alas, such reviews are the exception on here. Most are drive-by reviews…just heap praise on the item. A small number are just critical and not supportive...Yours are among the one (in) twenty…that are gems. People should be grateful for getting them.”
I'm good at...
Poetry, shorter stuff. I'm mostly blind. I react and encourage with feedback, suggest direction to something better. I break the conventional fourth wall. Not sure what it means.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, humor, emotional, drama, human interest, dystopian.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
Public Reviews
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Review of What I Know  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful and emotive sonnet with just enough cringe to know the feeling.

Hello winklett Author Icon,

Your sonnet, "What I Know" Open in new Window. presents an insightful reflection on the theme of aging and the inevitability of death through your lens of personal experience. The use of meter, rhyme, and form, as well as various poetic devices, contribute significantly to the depth and emotional impact your profound poem had on me.

The sonnet is true to the traditional Shakespearean form, three quatrains and a final couplet, noting an ABABCDCDEFEFGG rhyme scheme. I felt a surprise how this sonnet seamlessly handled and flowed with subject. It is contemplative and reflective. The meter, mostly iambic pentameter, lent a rhythmic consistence that I felt mirrored the "deliberate and slow" dance of aging described in the poem. One example, that first line, "Deliberate and slow, my mother moved," with a natural stress in the pattern to emphasize a methodical progression being plotted out with time and movement.

Your use of imagery and metaphor was very effective. The comparison of your mother's movement toward death to a dance in "dreamlike states" evoked a sense of a sad disconnect with the inevitability. Your metaphor of disenchantment with "life's romance" in the fourth line truly stung me, capturing a feeling of resignation and loss. Also, the metaphor using the bird's "keen warning" in the second quatrain underscored a foreboding feeling with a noted emotional distance. The auditory cue was a nice touch.

The theme of aging is central here, explored through the eye of the poet about family relationships and personal introspect. The speaker's reflection on mother's gradual decline and the estrangement felt in one’s own life hit me, even thinking of it now, createing a powerful narrative of loss and abandonment. The line "pretending we were close - and I, held dear" in the third quatrain was sad yet touching, as it conveyed that longing for a connection that perhaps was never fully realized.

While this poem is strong, I have a few thoughts. To enhance its impact, a transition between the second and third quatrains might benefit from a more connective thread between. The transition felt slightly abrupt. Maybe a revised line that bridges reflection on the mother's voicemail to the speaker's own sense of abandonment that might provide a smoother flow? No matter, this poem is solid and moves with how it captured me.

The final couplet is effective in summarizing the poem's themes, but you could also consider reinforcing the cyclical nature of experience. Adding a slight variation or twist to the repetition of "dance, deliberate and slow" could underscore the continuity and impending inevitability of the journey that parallels her mother's.

Your sonnet beautifully encapsulates the themes of aging and emotional estrangement through thoughtful use of form, meter, and poetic devices. It achieved and provided a great emotional reaction, when recalling myself, the last coherent conversation with my brother in hospice before he passed. Thank you for this!

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

My finger slipped on my iPad a few times and couldn’t see if anything got fouled up. Hope it’s readable enough.


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127
Review of My Pets  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear IdaLin Author Icon,

I know shape poetry when I see it but am unfamiliar with the form. Though, I like the idea of a poem with words representative of its shape. Makes me think of the things you can do with free verse to show with the structure of the poem, complimenting theme and message.

I created my own poetry form a year ago and forgot until now…can’t even remember now what I came up with. Your poem has reminded me so I can take a look back later. Probably a stinker.

A couple of thoughts I had about your poem, not knowing if form is restricted by syllables, but you could lop off ‘ly’ in unconditionally. It would read better and I think the form might even balance a little better. Also, you say ‘roof’ but it may fit with metaphor and theme if it were something more like canopy. A different structure could be a house poem. This form could make one think of a road trip and roadside adventure to umbrella and snack in shade. Or, a trip to the beach where sunshade is useful. Cats are notoriously bad travelers, but not all.

Sometimes a small poem like this makes me think of a picture with words on the walll. Also, the poem as it stands, etched or burned into wood (shaped). These are the thoughts I had for your unique poem. I’m happy to have discovered, as it helps me progress with my own craft.

Brian

WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


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128
Review of Arm  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Lux Author Icon,

This is a poem that worries so many reviewers here who don’t see the words play on unhealthy obsession. How a writer uses words as an outlet, and effectively I might add, to visualize and experience what one who struggles feels, considers, now romanticizes…as good poetry should.

There is a lot at work here in "Arm" Open in new Window., and yet same core theme, same central obsession but with new twists since the last item I read. Self-mutilation is cringe and not a pretty subject. So, get up closer and get a look at it. It’s throbbing right there on the illuminated page for a reader to experience, with a little literary/poetic know how, and psychology, too.

We like dark, deep, morose and its connection to psychosis. And Sylvia Plath was tragic, and idolized for it when people see her own obsessions and considerations of death inside an obtuse literary world/movement and that domestic trap, after her passing.

Here, your poem pulses luminous at me from the start. Wounds that don’t heal when reopened can do some wonderfully sickly things, and skin that pales from lack of the life-giving fluid can highlight its appearance. This is your first clue: cutting again. The most poignant line ‘blisters breaking youth’ almost feels like a double entendre. It suggests to me the connection to self-mutilation is like an out of body experience, perhaps an intuition of future demise.

This disconnect serves narrative well to show this reader and recall, it’s beyond self-obsession. It’s lying deep within this mind observing its own loss of innocence in the third person. I’ve written my own poem on depression, distancing myself in narrative as reporter, without a reveal until the end it affects the journalist who can’t get ahead of it. Here, you are also in the moment, but the mood is vastly different. What you do is powerful, if a reader closely observes. The speaker is disconnected from it abd watching just the same, like us. Though, more apt, numb to it.

I can’t say that I recognize Plath in any iteration here, but can attest to subject, theme, self-distancing to a trance-like state. By the time we get to the final stanza, the outpouring is envisioned like a snake. The reptile’s marvel at their work? Yes, definitely superb use of imagery. Further, the surreal factor is stark, scary, deeply intones theme and an underhanded message how close to hell we are envisioning, as the words in poem play out.

I’d talk crazy, too, if I wanted someone to notice…it’d come out of nowhere. These observations leave people unsettled. They should be and it’s very effective the way shakes enter scene.

I saw a few places to tighten to improve.

Opportunity in the first stanza to immediately remove direct attribution to narrator from the self mutilation. By directly stating it and oneself, it can seem a little too on point (telling versus showing) without some veiled, poetic reference. That’s why I would suggest leave mutilation in and remove the personal pronoun. The reader will assume a narrator using third person the more personal and affected the speaker is by this action, words employed, poem structure, and the result playing out to metaphoric, bloody end.

Further, and about that ending, to tighten and give a better visual interpretation of the visual, try moving ‘bleeding’ as adjective before ‘trail’. Leave off ‘left’ or add a little more. It’s your poem structure. You know what works best. A suggestion, and maybe an observation that you can toy with to develop this or help restructure a future write. Oh, maybe a better title to tease a reader’s interest. Words ‘blood’ ‘trail’ ‘luminosity’ are a few to push about with the ‘self-distancing’.

This was a close-up look for me, not unfamiliar with subject, why it happens, and what little prevention can be applied to remedy. All the more reason to feel the impact of this poem about a condition, having its vampire, caught after dinner, appearance. Or something like that.

Thank you,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

I wrote with one finger on iPad and didn’t look at the screen so much as keyboard…lose my place easy. Hope it reads well.


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Review of Singing Angels  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I discovered your poem on the website’s read and review link. I found a smart traditional rhyming poem from the outset. Your narrative voice admires, connects and compares with birds in this nature.

You have a beautiful poem that seems to get stuck by end. Its warmth and candor seem to reveal one makes the bird a metaphor for the narrators ups and downs. If you trim poem and keep this going, showing human frailty, joy and perseverance, readers will connect. Our own feelings on life equate the way I read the poem initially.

Starting here, let me mark some suggestions. Not relying on meter, it still has a consistent rhythm for the most part.

Easy edit in this stanza:

Just how we got here
lies in stories untold
though each ends with happy trims to the five syllable linevequal to previous
to be away from the cold.

I know they're watching
for as they visit me for grammatical coherence and read flow
some are flying
others perched in a tree. you can be less specific here, remove ‘in a tree’ to say ‘to see’ to show, set up future tree reference, helpline length and read flow

Their crimson bodies
like lights in the sky have fun, redact ‘like’ (imply the simile, reader will infer), and add a word further describing ‘lights’ or ‘sky’ … ‘feathered lights’? Or ‘pale sky’?
when I’m outside
will catch my eye. poets avoid cliche where they can, push yourself higher, past draw my eye, I.e. ‘entice’, ‘lure’, words that are evocative = employ emotion, sensory


But if I'm inside
and they're out of view
they'll just chirp and chirp
'til I ask, "Where are you?" This is cute and comparable to literature for a younger audience. It’s one way the entire poem could go, like a parent reading to child.

But if I’m indoors
and they’re up in a tree here’s a tree reference. What type of tree? The rhyme is a trap but crab tree, pine tree (harder to see) can modify.
they’ll just chirp and chirp have fun with sound. This is conventional. Close your eyes, focus, can you describe tone, echo, shrill, resonant? Crimson birds don’t chirp. Unless you have other birds to describe?
’til I go out and see.

Googled: The Cardinal's song is a series of clear, whistling notes that are often described as sounding like "cheer-cheer-cheer" or "birdie-birdie-birdie." These notes are repeated in a distinctive pattern, making the Cardinal's song easy to recognize and identify.

Below the above the poem seems to still be under construction. So, I end notation here.

Overall, I like what you have at work. I usually start out my poems strong, but labor to finish. Best bet, trim out what works, put on another page, and re-envision what you have. Your strength here is in your romantic view of nature. Birds seem unattainable and yet bring joy and vitality to world around us, entice us to notice. Keep going for those wistful feelings…like a longing to commune, belong, and share that human ability to soar, perhaps from the inspiration birds provide or what they represent.

Decide if you want young adult to adult readership, or parent reading to child, in deciding language you choose. Who would enjoy being spoken to this way?

Brian


WDC Super Power reviewer
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Review of Music Notes  Open in new Window.
for entry "Renewal" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Review for “Renewal” from your book "Music Notes" Open in new Window. entered in the Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest.

Thank You for your entry!


It reminds...we can still appreciate the unfurling of a bud to see what beauty it holds in its clenched fist.

Dear Amethyst Angel 💐 Author Icon

So nice to see your entry in this month's contest. Thank you! Your poem "Renewal" Open in new Window. beautifully captured the essence of spring through vivid imagery and a reflective tone. Your use of the free verse form provided a flowing narrative that mirrored a gradual unfolding of the season.

The theme of rebirth and rejuvenation was noted and expressed through lines like "Prismatic ribbons of sunlight…Ripple through pale green leaves" and "Robins stake their claims…On lawns wet with shimmering dew." These images put me in that sense of freshness and vitality, which gave a feeling of spring without using explicit seasonal words (which was the main contest request). Obviously, the idea is to encourage expression in a poet's writing to reach for poetic devices that bring crafted words of flavor and life to a poem.

Your use of personification, "New growth on old trees…Softly, delicately dangling," brings the scene to life and adds a layer of intimacy to natural elements. The juxtaposition of "a long white nap" and "stepping forward from dormancy" underscores that transformative power of spring, and makes the theme of renewal resonate strong.

If you revise, integrating more sensory details could deepen connection. For example, describe how the robins sound (maybe, fighting over territory for worms *Laugh*, or the hungry babies in the nest), or the first scents of the season, fresh air, that would enrich the experience of senses. Look at exploring your personal reflection for the narrative/speaker in greater depth, a deeper intimate connection between speaker and natural world, known as romanticism in the 18th and 19th centuries.

Softly, delicately dangling

I highlight this because a former member “Northern Writes” taught me a lot, especially about ‘ly’ and ‘ing’ words. And just now it gives pause. What’s the level of write? What are we aiming for? NW would suggest 'Soft, delicate, dangle'.

New growth on old trees
Soft, delicate, dangle
Against crusty bark.

But it could also read:

Soft, new growth on old trees
Dangle delicate
Against crusty bark

When I sit and look at my text, even two years later, I can position words in a multitude of places and most of them would be fine. Which goes to the point of what you have here...“Crusty bark” that follows isn’t as serious or so science-y that it need eloquently describe the toughness of bark. And, when we were children, we jibed with the sound of words of traditional rhyming poems like Itsy, Bitsy Spider. Words could and should be jangly, glittery, considering context, how the poet attempts.

As I matured with my writing, I pared down on the ‘ings’ especially. But, NW said they don’t all have to come out, just not splatter a page with so much of them, use sparingly to keep a read light but not tight.

So, if you have a line like this, it’s stand alone; it works fine for most people’s tastes. You aren’t attempting what most are now calling my writing, ‘dense’. *Rolleyes* Your write actually adds syllables, breaks up flow and sound to add natural rhythm that one might digest a poem more slowly. I say, it stays. After all that.

Your poem is alive with sights and sounds that delight and feel like a real conversation of these spring activities. It reminds how much in awe humans are of nature, that our whole life we can still appreciate the unfurling of a bud to see what beauty it holds in its clenched fist. Your poem was successful at depicting spring using a conversational first person account of sorts. It did not direct tell or employ spring words to convey.

Thanks so much for supporting the Red Wheelbarrow with your poetic endeavor written to theme and suggestions. I'm overwhelmed by such a great gathering of poets under one forum roof...like a Spring arrival.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
and WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!


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131
for entry "Roulette" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review for “Roulette” entered in the Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest.

Thank You for your entry!


Hello KingsSideCastle Author Icon,

Thank you for joining us with an entry on this month's Spring theme for the contest. I must say, there were unique titles, but this poem's topper piqued my interest. "Roulette" provided me with a compelling depiction of the unpredictable transition from winter to spring. By focusing on the battle between hot and cold and the resilience of nature, you effectively conveyed the essence of spring without relying on explicit seasonal terms, per the contest recommendation. Your approach adds a layer of depth and creativity to your work. Those first two lines, coupled with an oblique title, could turn a reader on their ear and smile with that comparative.

The imagery is particularly striking. The lines you crafted, like "One of ma(n)y confused civilians appraising the aftermath of a 12 week war fought between hot and cold" was unique in capturing the chaotic and uncertain nature of early spring. In this way, comparing it to war, you've found a comparative that had me spellbound. The metaphor of a battlefield effectively conveys the struggle and resilience inherent in the transitional period. I know this very well from living in a climate that is unpredictable, with late winter to unpredictable snowfalls that can go into May. One year, it was 80 degrees on Easter and we had festivities outside!

Your use of contrasting elements, such as "Tulips defiantly standing tall among the wilted cherry blossoms" and the juxtaposition of "T-shirt and sweater" on the bed, highlights this erratic weather and its impact on both nature and humans. What you contrast added a relatable quality to the poem, as it reflects on the reader's own experiences with unpredictable spring weather. I can also see neighbors gathering with a lot of 'can you believe this weather' talk as they look about. That opening scene kind of reverbs in my mind as I read the poem.

I did notice a few spelling errors. No biggie. I do try to recommend improvement where possible, or insight. You could consider delving deeper into the sensory parts that are associated with this transitional period. Describing the sounds, scents, and tactile sensations of early spring could create a better feel for the experience. For example, mentioning the smell of wet earth or the sound of melting snow might enrich the poem's imagery. There's the recollections of the fight. Huh? I really like the potential of a battle with snow and ice and winds and the sun and rain. Houses and eaves could rattle, window panes, too. I can imagine a blast that strikes our bay window now with such violence it was like a mighty superhero's blow whizzing past. Who knows? A lot of drama in the fight.

And what I've noticed with your poem over others is you didn't go the conventional pretty flowers and bees, bunnies and trees blossoming. A lot of springtime is a given, and you went beyond to show the struggle of nature. Spring is beautiful, but it gets windy, and precipitation comes in many forms. It arrives not as a time to go out in shorts and a tee, but brutally cold, to the point I worry if plants that arrived will be damaged by late snow and ice. By the way, the answer most often is no. Spring arrival is robust. So, this poem put its toe in that arena and I commend you for getting outside that pretty little ribbon-wrapped-up-box of spring.

Also, truly exploring the emotional impact of this seasonal transition could add another layer of depth. You have war of seasons, but neighbors or narrator have been affected and would be good to see if anxiety or frustration and how that would manifest. How do these unpredictable changes affect your mood or outlook? Reflecting on the emotional resonance of the season could make this poem even more engaging and relatable. But, kudos for giving me something with a fresh approach.

I will defend meteorologists, having worked side-by-side with them in radio and television. It's a tough and demanding job and relies on the National Weather Service data and they have to build their own forecast models to suit the region, county, city, town. Don't even watch the Weather Channel because they don't fine tune, just repeat NWS data which is broad and open to change, as they say, 'wait five minutes'. But, I get the sentiment and it adds to the flavor of the narrative, which I really didn't get into. It's familiar and sounds like everyman, like one of the neighbors in the street. Like a farmer without a bible-almanac.

Overall, I like "Roulette." This is a well-crafted and effective poem to show spring through another lens with its depictions, including imagery and contrasting elements. Your creative approach to depicting the season's unpredictability is both engaging and thought-provoking. High marks. And thank you so much for entering and sharing your poem with the latest Red Wheelbarrow activity.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
and WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

Corrections below:

One of ma(n)y confused civilians appraising the aftermath...

...withstanding the a faint layer of snow at their feet.

Other flowers haven't fa(i)red quite so well succumbing to last night's frosty sneak attack...


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132
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Review for “the Great Cicada Invasion of 2024” entered in the Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Dear JCosmos Author Icon

Thanks so much for being a part of the recent Red Wheelbarrow activity with your entry! Your poem, "the Great Cicada Invasion of 2024 " Open in new Window., beautifully captured a unique and often overlooked aspect of the spring season. The choice to focus on cicadas offers a fresh perspective and adds a layer of specific details that makes the poem engaging and memorable. By avoiding typical spring-related words, you succeed in conveying the season's atmosphere through the lens of this natural phenomenon. Perfect timing for the Cicada's return in 2024.

The structure of your poem, with its concise stanzas, mirrors the brevity of the cicadas' life above ground. This form effectively conveys the urgency and intensity of their short-lived presence. The use of vivid imagery, such as "a triple brood eruption" and "trillions fly about in a great frenzy," immerses the reader in the scene, evoking the overwhelming nature of this event.

One notable poetic device in your work is the juxtaposition of the cicadas' natural invasion with human activities, particularly the restaurant scene. This contrast highlights the intersection of nature and urban life, offering a humorous yet thought-provoking commentary on how we adapt to and even celebrate these natural occurrences. For example, the line "Features cicada-inspired cuisine / including chocolate-fried Cicadas" adds a touch of whimsy while grounding the poem in real-life experiences.

To enhance the poem further, consider delving deeper into the sensory experiences associated with the cicadas. Describing the soundscape, the tactile sensation of their presence, or even the visual spectacle of their swarms could add another layer of immersion. For instance, "The relentless drone fills the air, / a symphony of buzzing life" might evoke the auditory element more vividly.

Overall, your poem succeeds in painting a vivid picture of spring through an unconventional lens. It’s a creative and refreshing take that stands out for its originality and the effective use of poetic devices. I really appreciate your taking time to craft this entry for the contest. Thanks for the support!

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature
trying to finish up reviews, and hope no big gaffes with this. Let me know if the feedback requires clairty.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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133
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review for “Thunderstorms In Spring” entered in the Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Hello intuey,

Let me just take a moment to thank you for supporting the contest with your entry. Your poem "Thunderstorms In Spring" Open in new Window. was effective, blending stark and emotive imagery with theme to capture a tumultuous spring with nature shown in its transformation. The intense images and eye-catching expressions show power and drama with this weather. Imagery blended with metaphorical language, as well as sensory details to create a relatable experience.

I want to consider how you navigate between showing and telling, by the use of poetic devices. And, how effective language and form also have contributed to the free verse form’s overall appeal.

You open with, "The heavens clash together in a mighty roar," to immediately set a dramatic tone, hooking a reader and drawing one into that scene. I note the auditory imagery, "sirens fill the darkened sky" and "Angry flashes of light," which create this vivid and immersive reading experience I had. Your contrast between the storm chaos giving way to eventual calm was executed very well, adding further depth to this piece.

To excel at showing rather than telling, you layer painted scenes of descriptive imagery and sensory details…"heavens clash…" and "sideways bombarding rain slams into the window panes" to fully put your expectant audience in scene. These lines concretely show intensity and violence of that storm, letting readers feel how they might from personal experience in a moment like that.

Regarding sensory details, your poem engages with mention of "tear-streaked bars" and "revving of a motorcycle's engine." Better than simply being informed about it. You’re a poet and not the meteorologist…but sort of.

Personification of weather elements also noted here, "The golden orb fights to shine its light" and the motorcycle revving part, adding more complexity and relatability to the spring natural phenomena. These descriptions highlight an interplay you’ve revealed between nature and human presence. This technique emboldens imagery by giving the storm a sense of emotion and personality.

As to language expression, this contained a poetic and energy-charged tone throughout. There were strong verbs like "clash," "slams," and "fight" that added a dynamic and intense feel. You did well to control imagery, creating a balance between depicted observation and emotional connection.

This poem utilizes line breaks effectively to enhance visual appeal and has pacing. Short, fragmented lines such as "Behind its watery, tear-streaked bars" and "A flashing red light swings above an empty crossroad" help the flow and emphasize key images and moments you author. This structure guides a reader through this unfolding narrative of storm progression.

If you wanted to pursue further improvement, further explore the emotional impact of this storm from the personal or symbolic level. You show the physical elements of the storm well, but deeper introspection or reflection could add additional layers. I go right for the way I’m feeling and how the storm mirrors my inner turmoil in ways that could seem like personification or a bond with nature. I personify every inanimate thing around me, like people don’t exist, at times. Things like this could enrich the thematic depth. And, you probably consider these things. Just wanted to throw something out there.

The poem succeeds: poetic devices, metaphor, imagery, sensory with intensity, interwoven with a familiar atmosphere, expressive language and form adding to readability. This was and is engaging through vivid portrayals of nature's power and beauty. You did good. Your poem captures the essence of spring with this portrayal of a dramatic thunderstorm, avoiding traditional spring words but evoking the season's powerful energy.

Thanks for gracing the contest with your entry and helping make the activity for the Red Wheelbarrow a joy and an overwhelming success!

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
and WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

I went through this review more than twice and hope there's no errata or confusion. I hope my low vision doesn't affect its readability.


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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
for entry "Spring" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Review for “Spring” from "Contest Entries" Open in new Window. entered in the Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Hello Angelica,

Thank you so much for sharing your rare and charming entry in the latest Red Wheelbarrow contest. The simplicity and directness of your words worked well to handle the theme of spring. Each stanza focused on a different set of creatures, birds, bunnies, snakes and fish, creating diverse and vital scenes. For example, "Chirp, chirp…The birds call out" set scene and tone and immediately vie for a reader’s attention, a good hook to begin.

I assume you have a younger audience in mind with your approach to this. I can imagine a picture book about spring as I read these and employ your words as the illustrations. . These words begin with onomatopoeia ‘chirp, chirp’ of what I assumed baby birds until I realized I put the nest before the horse? Anyway, once I got myself straightened out, I could sense the imagery and sensory details coming together to create scenes with mostly monosyllabic words. I don’t know much about teaching kids to read, but this seems like it could make great material for that.

The first stanza:Chirp, chirp/The birds call out/Building nests/Laying eggs

If only the ‘ing’ weren’t there, if that is a prerequisite for young readers, I don’t know. I imagine building up to those ‘ing’ words at the end, if a story were to repeat and increase syllables per word in that way. Either way, not the point. Moving on.

I found this poem effectively showed arrival of the season. The use of "Hiss, hiss" added more onomatopoeia. It helps bring the sounds of spring to life for a reader. I found repetition of the sounds created a musical quality which seemed appropriate with melodious birds, adding to the auditory and sensory experience.

You make good use of metaphors to convey sights and sounds of spring. A for instance, comparing bunnies to "Little ones" and "big ones alike" helps to paint a picture of family or a variety of life now emerging. Also, the image of the fish "searching for food in the sky" was a nice touch and created a sense of wonder and magic. I’m sure someone younger could be filled with fascination, especially if this were illustrated material. I like the image of the fish are reaching out of the book I imagine, for something beyond reach. Perhaps, it also plays on that ‘you can do or be anything you want to be’ stuff they feed the young so they will chase after dreams during those magical, integral times of early life.

The structure of this poem, with short lines and line breaks, is solid, tight and light with its simple language. It helps give a sense of advancement but with energy. There is a noted staccato, or altered rhythm if you will, of the short lines. This mimics the quick pace of spring, with all the new life bursting forth that begins to grow. Longer lines served well, too, providing moments to pause and reflect. It helps a reader to stop and fully absorb images and these sensations being presented.

An area for improvement, should you want, could be to further develop your metaphors. I like comparisons of birds, bunnies, snakes, and fish to various aspects of spring denizen, but they could be expanded. I assume the robin foremost, which might not need to be specific. Rabbits have certain details. Some shed, are darker from their winter hideout, but I might have it backwards, because snow. Yet, snake and fish have unique characteristics, too. Does the snake go in the water with the fish or in the grass? I don’t know if you go for something regional, because these critters come in all forms throughout the country where they cohabitate. Also, you could explore how each creature symbolizes a different aspect of growth or renewal in nature. Birds = birth, Rabbits = eat my garden, snakes = hunt for food, fish = freedom, anything you want, really. With some further development of the metaphors used, the poem could develop with specific spring details to enrich your text.

Overall, your poem effectively uses poetic devices such as metaphor, imagery, and sensory detail to show the arrival of the season. The structure of the poem enhances the imagery and creates a dynamic and engaging reading experience. “Spring” is about the essence of the season with a series of clear, nature-based snapshots. This was delightful and effective and made me nostalgic wishing my kids were still little and we were wrapped up in bed with those books you press the button and hear the sounds the animals and critters make. It’s relating to readers who’ve experienced this and want to experience again when they have children that makes readers fond of the content. You utilized sound and simplicity well to create a lively and engaging depiction.

You do avoid explicit spring-related words in this way, which is vital to poetry that connects readers on an interpersonal level. Interpretation is key with universal themes like this that can’t fail. And, all while managing to convey a seasonal atmosphere with primary behaviors and sounds, authenticity with a family charm.

Thank you so much for this poem. I really appreciate you and others making this month’s activity an overwhelming success!
Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
Having some vision issues and apologize for any errata you find, causing confusion. Let me know if any questions. I might have covered some stuff more than once, since its late.

Hop, hop/The bunnies go/Little ones/And big ones alike
Hiss, hiss/The snakes prowl/Searching for prey/Little ones hatch
Splash, splash/The fish surface/Searching for food/In the sky


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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Joy Author Icon,

I chose this article to pursue because I have so many opinions about the subject, a life lead by the nose from one epiphany to the next, sometimes invoving coalescing information from investigation that leads to perceptions many others may have long known that I'm finally getting clued into. Writing ususally embodies formula and updating the tried and true outcomes that are staling. How I react to this article is with intrigue about how I've approached writing anything from a poem to fiction and how each builds off the next until I feel I'm getting it write/right. And yet, I want to throw it all out. My newest thoughts always feel closest to the epiphanies I'm just now starting to envision unfolding before my eyes.

Your article delves into the concept of epiphany in literature, how it elevates fiction with profound moments of realization for characters. The epiphany has to happen first for the creator for it to be realized. The questions of what makes a story approach perfection, with the role of epiphany, achieves a certain literary quality. You distinguishes between readers who seek plot-driven narratives and those who desire deeper, more meaningful fiction enriched by epiphanies. By drawing parallels between literary epiphany and religious origins as foundation intrigues.

Mention of James Joyce's contribution underscores the epiphanies itransformative power in literature. Through Shakespeare's King Lear, epiphany drives character development and plot progression, albiet late. The three-step process for crafting epiphanies seems to have practical insight to incorporate this device into writing. Emphasizing the emotional and poetic resonance of epiphanies shows ability to elevate storytelling to a transcendent level.

I realize now epiphany spans across different genres, from novels, poems, television and more, highlighting its versatility as a narrative tool. This is juxtaposed by the caution against ending stories with ambiguous epiphanies, rather than providing resolution and closure for readers/viewers.

Epiphanies not only reveal truths about characters but also about the human condition. By exploring how they reflect universal experiences and truths, writers can imbue their stories with deeper meaning and resonance. Also, the suggestion to avoid preachiness and melodrama when crafting epiphanies encourages writers to prioritize authenticity and subtlety in their storytelling.

Crafting meaningful epiphanies in literature often requires a significant investment of time and effort. It involves not only writing and rewriting but also deeply understanding the characters, their motivations, and the themes of the story.

Epiphanies are still not easy to come by, especially from novice writers. Developing characters who are complex and multi-dimensional is crucial for creating believable and impactful epiphanies. It may take years of refining and revising character sketches, exploring their backstories, and understanding their emotional arcs. Writers may need to spend considerable time outlining and plotting their stories to ensure that the narrative structure supports the moments of realization and transformation.

Moreover, reaching epiphanies often involves a process of discovery for the writer as well. As they immerse themselves in the world of their story and inhabit the minds of their characters, writers may uncover unexpected insights and truths that shape the direction of the narrative. This organic approach to storytelling would allow authentic and profound epiphanies to emerge from the narrative almost naturally, rather than seeming forced or contrived.

Envisioning character growth and development requires patience, dedication, and a willingness to embrace the whole writing process. A big commitment. It may involve numerous drafts, revisions, and even setbacks along the way. The eventual payoff is when it resonates with readers/viewers and illuminates the deeper themes that can be immensely rewarding.

I'm coming to understand the journey toward epiphany is as important as the destination. Each step of the writing process, from initial brainstorming to final revisions, contributes to the evolution of characters and the unfolding of their stories. It is through this process of exploration and refinement that writers are able to create narratives that are rich in depth, emotion, and meaning that can create moments of profound revelation, and leave a lasting impact on readers/viewers. And, this supports the notion I have that it takes a team, not just crafting television or movies, but books. Formulaic writing aside, writers need input from everyone and everything to know how to pursue. I do it because I don't want to seem foolish or insult the sensibilities of others.

I found the article effectively covering epiphany in literature and provoking notions about my own writing and how I'm nearer to truths I've hunted these many years. It seems the more you push through each word and thought, the faster the process becomes until voila! Thanks for this piece offering valuable insights and practical advice for writers. Its exploration of the aspects of epiphanies can enhance readers' understanding of their role in shaping impactful narratives, or get them to quit writing entirely! *Laugh*

A pleasure,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Image #1364670 over display limit. -?-


I briefly have some vision back but still worry my reviews might have some errata. I hope it suffices.


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for entry "New Life Blossoms " Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A Review for “New Life Blossoms” from your book, "I Write - Decade Edition - Roaring 20's" Open in new Window. entered in the Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Hello Carly,

It was a pleasure to see another poetic entry from you in the latest contest. "New Life Blossoms " Open in new Window. vividly portrays the transition from winter to spring, capturing the sense of renewal and vibrancy that defines the season. Your poem does well to convey the awakening of nature through rich imagery and sensory details. It has effectively utilized sensory details, metaphors, and imagery to vividly depict spring arrival. The free verse form was well employed and allows for a more fluid and natural expression of your speaker's experience.

The opening line, "The tight fist of cold, frigidness loosens," sets the stage for the unfolding transformation. This metaphor sets the tone for the rest of the poem, which is filled with vibrant imagery and sensory details that bring the scene to life. Your descriptions of "birds flit through fragrant air" and "Squirrels scamper, rabbits hop" bring the scene alive, allowing the reader to visualize and experience the awakening of the natural world. The phrase "Now erupt with delighted chirps" beautifully captures the lively atmosphere.

Your use of sensory language, such as "I pull in deep breaths of fresh air" and "Flowers pop with colour," enhances the reader's immersion in scene. The contrast between the "once covered white landscape" and the now "verdant, lush green" effectively highlights the dramatic change brought by spring. Sensory details abound, from the "delighted chirps" of birds to the fragrance of the air and the buzzing of bees. These details immerse in the speaker's experience, allowing readers to feel the warmth of the sun, hear the sounds of nature, and smell blossoming flowers.

Metaphors are used to great effect throughout, such as the comparison of the silent skies to a canvas that "erupt[s] with delighted chirps," and the description of the once snowy landscape now transformed into a "verdant, lush green" wonderland. These metaphors enrich the poem's imagery and evoke a sense of wonder and joy at the arrival.

The poem's voice is intimate and reflective, inviting a reader to share in this appreciation for the beauty of nature. The use of first-person perspective enhances intimacy, lets readers empathize with the experience of escaping the confines of the house and stepping into the rejuvenated landscape of the backyard.

One area for improvement could be to vary the structure of the poem to create a more dynamic rhythm. For example, you can play with those line breaks and stanza lengths to see if it will enhance the poem's flow and read, so you may emphasize key moments or images even better. I feel a deeper connection to the speaker's exploration of spring and emotional response to it would be beneficial. A key detail, or anecdote, in just a few words can resonate with a reader who might have similar feelings or experiences with the early season. Perhaps, it will allow you to double down on the poem's themes of renewal and awakening by intersecting with the human condition.

I caught the little details you employed to show and not tell it was spring, from snow melt to be daring enough to leave without a jacket. These are truly things that signify spring's arrival. Your poem excels in capturing the essence of spring through vivid and sensory-rich imagery, making it a compelling and evocative piece to read and I'm left impressed.

Thank you so much for lending your words to this month's Red Wheelbarrow poetry event. I'm happy you shared your lovely poem and made this activity a great experience.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

My eyes are a little wacky, and apologize if any gaffes make sections difficult to read. Let me know if there's questions.


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Review of Pacing  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Anniversary Joy Author Icon!

I approached this article with great interest, as I have long known the benefits of short and long lines and the dance a writer must do to pace a piece of interwoven writing, even with poetry. I'm pleased to have found this and able to put/keep some things in transition with my craft, and into better perspective. If nothing else, it's always great to have these reminders.

Pacing is elemental to good writing and something that gets overlooked, because there can be dawdling over those details like happy children telling mom a droll story that slogs a read. I think taking a page from Hemingway helps too. We often want to reach for flowery words more comparable to E.E. Cummings or Fitzgerald, rather than the economy of words like a poet, W. Carlos Williams. The assumption of overflowing mom's vase with weedy words isn't as pretty as we think.

When I think of my own writing, currently, it's been the bendable free verse, similar to prose, but with poetic devices that create an auditory quality among other things from metaphoric to the sensory. It reminds me of the influences of Toni Morrison and surprisingly, Nicholas Sparks, for a poetic flavor to bend an ear (emotively).

What is truest for me is that we struggle to set up...a story. With poetry, it's a single thread. With a hook, it can be similar, but with more constraint to keep those weeds from filling the cracks. I want to start weaving details early, from beginning, work through and back (even as my fiction approach), to get those details you long to introduced to back fill and explain story/events happening, happened or on the horizon. That's where novel prep has helped me.

You make mention of noting times when to introduce fast and slower paced action. I think it's important to select sections in advance with forethought of where you want to write to those events with tempo. And, like you say, with more writing comes more experience handling those choppy seas of words to turn a piece into a smooth, sailing craft. Hmm, new metaphor. Had to end sometime.

It's been getting easier with poetry to learn where a line break should occur. For me, as neurodivergent, I have to be a good study of human behavior to learn when to speak and when to listen and not get distracted by ADHD. A writer has to think ahead, be disciplined in knowing they can get lead astray. But, also important, is to let yourself go once in awhile for that release of writing, purge what you can. The hardest part comes when it's time to edit and those little babies have to come out. I just tell myself to store them for another piece, so I don't have to feel bad with edits.

So as poetry goes, needing to keep a reader interested and not confused, with good material that flows, so must fiction and the novel craft. I've spent less time with it, because of low vision and easily frustrated by my perfectionism. This, overall, is what stumps me. I can write 50,000 words a month just on reviews, because it comes out naturally. I can't sit down and plan and plot something that I'd rather pitch as a movie idea and be done with it. With reviewing, I have structures, either set aside, or in my mind, once I see the words I choose give response.

I had great plans to write THE novel. More than twenty were launched (new metaphor still afloat). Many good short stories came of it. But, I just lean into the little interruptions that beg my ear, that I call poetry. Even if just to drop my 'antithetical jottings' into notes, craft a thought or introduce a link in newsfeed. Even, if just to blather on to a complacent audience in some social media forum, or read a current inspiration to my distracted family, I'll always be writing aloud, in my head, or on paper. And, all the while, I keep incorporating new ideas (an armada) and thoughts (to empty a ballast) that come about, even with a review such as this (why a levy breaks). Metaphor gone?

Merely, writing for pleasure, if just free associating but hypercritically analyzing with this over functioning mind, I'll always have something to chew on and spit out. Reading, articles such as this, makes the machine (not a ship) go from clunkety-clunk to sixty in about 20 years plus. I've hit some curves I couldn't smooth out. I've run into some metaphors that didn't pan out, or just went on and on forever until I was stranded in a muddy field, spun out (new metaphor).

I could go back and look at this review later, edit, edit and add a thing or two to stay on point (and off metaphors). Or, just wing it, like I mostly do. What's that? 4,000 characters in a little over 10 minutes (over 6k now *Worry*). Some run on sentences that are a bit self-serving, or mostly, and don't serve the purpose of a review. And, then, lines like this.

Having fun and frivolity with reading and responding to your article is what gives some flavor to this pasttime. I wouldn't be able to say what I've said with candor and no preclusion of planned thought (if that sounds Englishly correct), to randomly write and hope that it serves the author of this piece I've lent feedback.

But, more important, are other writers reading and deconstructing pieces in this community and wherever they roam? (some were kind to remember me when I was absent) Because, that is essential to understanding the craft inside and out. True writers (some guilded) know when there is a gun in a room, it goes off in the second act. And, the rest of us, just having fun and killing a few years of boredom and making acquaintances in our waning, writing life.

Whatever serves, for the serious or the young at heart, or both, it's about the game, how you played/dabbled in prose, if you left everything out on the field/paper/screen, for better or worse, regardless of the aim to win. We have to brave enough to lose.

A happy idiot, rain-showered and puddle stomping, I'll continue to enjoy writing. And, if there's opportunity, share our words and love of metaphors with one another...send notes and thoughts and visit newsfeed and other places where writers submit, so they know. They do it because they want to share what they love...just like any other.

Okay, so this was about pacing. I failed, but it's reviewing. I give myself a pass. *Laugh* Now, to reduce this double vision to one, so I can get back to reviewing a poetry contest that needs my attention. Thanks again for sharing and caring.

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Angel Army Reviewer
Image #1364670 over display limit. -?-

thank you to the internet gods for not letting my stray, clumsy hand wipe out this review on several occasions before hitting store and edit...he typed with one good eye.

I really need to disable the touchpad. *RollEyes* *Cool*

The rule of comedy is three jokes on one topic. It should be the same for metaphors, but really only one for poetry.

I apologize for any errata. I must go soak my eyeballs in something hydrating now. *Bigsmile*


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Review of early in the year  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Review for “early in the year,” an entry in The Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Dear Rainy Day Sox Author Icon

You get the award for brevity with this one. Your poem "early in the year" Open in new Window. captures the tentative awakening of nature with a succinct and evocative style. The free verse form allows the imagery to flow naturally, painting a vivid picture of the transitional period between winter and spring.

The theme of emergence and renewal is effectively portrayed through your choice of details, such as "roses sprouting new leaves" and "irises peaking through the dirt." These images evoke a sense of life pushing through the remnants of winter, hinting at the arrival of spring without directly mentioning it.

Your use of sensory details, like "the sun shines down earlier and later" and "birds building nests with amorous intentions," enhances the reader's experience, making the scenes feel immediate and tangible. The line "rain washes the last snow away" is particularly effective in symbolizing the cleansing and renewal that spring brings.

Some suggestions. You descrive early and late and thought it would be fun to see time elapse in this short piece, from sun up to sun down. Just an idea.

You can shorten lines like this:
roses sprouting new leaves for late frosts to kill
to
roses sprout new leaves late frost kills (singular noun with plural, active verb seemed right)

how about:
irises peaking through the dirt rising for the early bees
to
irises peek through dirt, rising for early bees (the comma helps a reader who might think dirt is on the rise)

Maybe, good? But, it might become too dense and don't want a tongue twister. And I don't want to tamper with your poem's voice. That should come natural as you develop your poetry with your unique language.

To further improve the poem, consider expanding on some of the imagery to add depth and richness. For instance, you could describe the specific colors of the new leaves or the sounds of the birds' activities. This would enhance the sensory impact and draw readers even more deeply into the scene.

It was fun having your poem to consider for the contest. Thank you for entering. It's always been a pleasure.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A Review for “Never Really Right” an entry in The Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Hello winklett Author Icon,

The poem "Never Really Right" Open in new Window. seems to explore themes of self-awareness, imperfection, and the struggle for authenticity. Your piece reflects on personal flaws, societal expectations, and the constant search for meaning or resolution. Me, too.

The positives are:
It’s candid exploration of your flaws and feelings that give this raw authenticity that many readers may find relatable. Lines like "I am never really right in the noggin" and "I am sorry so often I become the big apology" are particularly striking.

Imagery and Metaphor: The use of metaphors like "deck of cards," "collages," and "big apology" adds depth and visual appeal to the piece. The metaphorical language, such as the deck of cards and the puzzles reference adds a rich layers of meaning and imagery, making the poem visually and emotionally vivid for consumption.

Emotional Resonance: The emotions conveyed, such as regret, hope, and self-doubt, are notable and effectively can engage an interested reader. The way you express emotions — regret, hope, self-doubt — can build strong connections with readers who will pursue your writing. Your introspective nature invites empathy and reflection.

Structure and Rhythm: The poem's structure, with its varied line lengths and enjambment, mirrors your fragmented thoughts, culled from other pieces, and delivered on the second day of the contest, no less. Your collected feelings can enhance the overall impact for others drawn in to your particular brand of poetry.

On the other hand:
Clarity of Message: At times, the message of your poem can become a bit unclear. Some lines might benefit from rewording for clarity and central thematic focus, such as "nor politically aligned although for one of them I lied to suit the stanza." Lines like that might be rephrased for better clarity and overall cohesiveness. Consider simplifying or expanding on an idea or ideas presented within. As a side note, I get the lie to suit, because I feel my poems need be embellished because authenticity in words is hard to capture.

Consistency in Tone: While the emotional tone is strong, maintaining a consistent voice throughout could improve coherence. The switch between personal reflection and broader statements can feel jarring. The emotional tone is effective, transition between lines such as "sometimes work" and "to piece together things in pleasant compositions" can feel abrupt.

Development of Thoughts: Expanding on certain ideas like the "big apology" or "another sun" could provide more insight into the speaker's inner world and strengthen thematic development. Certain ideas, like being the "big apology" or needing "another sun to turn inside my soul," are powerful but could be further developed, separately or together, should you find the common link. Adding a bit more context or elaboration in this boundless poem could strengthen these themes.

All of that being said, the poem is introspective and conveys a personal journey of struggle and resilience. The free verse form suited that raw and candid nature of your reflections, allowing the emotional weight to come through unencumbered by rigid structure.

The theme of personal inadequacy and the search for warmth and light is vividly depicted. Lines like "I am 52, a deck of cards. I am never really right / in the noggin" immediately set the tone. Even the description line was good set up for what I could expect. The deck of cards captures the randomness and unpredictability of life and some poems, reflecting upon it.

Per This Month's Contest:
Your avoidance of typical spring-related words is noted. Instead, you hint at "waiting for the warmth" and "another sun to turn inside my soul." These could be assumed subtle references to evoke the sense of renewal and hope associated with spring (without explicitly mentioning it, as the contest suggests avoid), aligning with the prompt.

Summarily:
To further enhance your poem, consider developing more specific imagery around your experiences and feelings. For instance, delving deeper into the scenes of "baby showers, new year parties" or "doing puzzles" could provide richer context and emotional resonance if taken apart and written about separately, as I assume was done with the previous poems this offering had formed through the accumulation of previous writes. Additionally, exploring the transformation from darkness to light within that stanza mentioned above could add a more dynamic arc to your narrative.

Thank you, again. I appreciate your consideration of the Red Wheelbarrow contest with this early entry.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge and
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Planting  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of Panting for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest

Thank You for your entry!


Hello twyls Author Icon,

"Planting" Open in new Window. is a defiant nose-thumbing at gardening, all the tedious work having to get those flowers to bloom. Such a good pace and narrative that captures a somewhat unique voice that doesn’t try to be pretty, essentially commenting through poem form these jilted, conceding expressions of passive-aggressive arrogance with images of those final words suggesting an outcome.

You’ve used thoughtful and introspective reflection on the seasonal transition of gardening. The use of that conversational tone and personal reflection on the annual toil created an intimate and relatable atmosphere that are familiar to me and my style of writing. It’s an undeniable shared feeling of frustrated gardeners everywhere, I guarantee (me included).

The imagery of seed packets and the yard filled with sticks effectively evokes the setting. The poem’s structure, with its short lines and varied rhythm, mirrors the speaker’s contemplative mood. The repetition of “won’t” emphasizes the change in the speaker’s approach to gardening, adding a layer of resolution and hope, or sarcasm. *Think* it indeed is a need for change.

Showing vs. Telling:
This poem combines both showing and telling, but leans more towards showing. Lines like "The wind shook the trees and planted sticks in the yard" and "I'll still watch them bloom" show the activities and effects of spring.

Examples:
- Showing: "The wind shook the trees and planted sticks in the yard," "I'll still watch them bloom."
- Telling (just a bit, though, we still like that conversational tone): "I know I have flower seeds in a Ziploc bag in my fridge," "This year will be different."

Suggestions for Improvement:
If you were to improve the poem, consider expanding sensory details. Describing the seeds, feel of soil, and garden more vividly could deepen a reader’s connection. Also, what I tell people about free verse, vary ingline lengths to introduce a more dynamic rhythm can enhance the poem’s impact. I speak lines aloud to see where natural breaks should be. It helps a reader consume your writing the way you intend it, to sound in their mind and in ears. Though, I’d say the rawness of your narrative approach has flavor, adds realism. Sound and sight words, would though, bring more life to the poem .

Your offering effectively captured for me the introspection of spring. I noticed personification at play, with nature, almost to the point that it has its own opinion how the garden year will go. For me: Weeding, my number one issue. I dig, find worms, want to grab them and say you’re supposed to help my plants, not weeds. If he could answer, claim that I don’t rotate, fertilize, add compost, water enough, etc. it’s his garden, after all. *Laugh*

Just Today: dealing with my neighbor’s ’Creeping Charlie’ ground cover wrapping itself around every plant In my yard, Iand now reminded from this poem with that ending. And I thought, do garden owners ever think what happens to their neighbor’s property when they plant those invasive species? And then, oh yeah, right. Proceed. *Laugh*

I loved how this poem hit on themes and feelings of my own. And you could possibly get more from this subject, offer even richer sensory and emotional experience with your special narrative approach. This was such a joy to discover and was very happy to get acquainted with you and your writing this month.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

Sorry if a little confusing, should spelling and grammar errors pop up. Working with limited vision and on a tablet.


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Review of Seasonal Changes  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of Seasonal Changes for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest

Thank You for your entry!


Hello Detective Author Icon,

"Seasonal Changes" Open in new Window. is a delightful exploration of spring’s arrival through the lens of farm life and nature. The vivid descriptions of animals and the natural environment effectively evoke the season’s vibrancy and renewal.

Your use of personification, as seen in “The wild boar go hog wild” and “Faries dance among the freshest of blooms,” adds a whimsical touch that enhances the poem’s charm. The varied imagery, from the “proud antlers” to the “tapping steps of a rain shower,” provides a rich sensory experience.

There seems to be an observant voice at play, farmer, nature enthusiast or an individual deeply connected to the natural world.This voice is keenly aware of the minute and grand transformations occurring in the environment, reflecting both a physical and metaphorical renewal.

Amid imagery to tell this story, I found:

Animal Activities: It starts with the daily routines of farm animals: roosters crowing, hens clucking, and chicks cheeping…some of these or all. These sounds and actions set a lively, bustling scene, indicative of the awakening of life with each dawn.

Wildlife Interaction: Your narrative then shifts to the wild boar, rabbits, and turkeys, highlighting their interactions with the environment. This imagery underscores the liveliness and the carefree nature of the animals as they go about their activities, unaffected by human presence.

Fantastical Elements: The inclusion of fairies dancing among the blooms and twirling around the antlers of bucks, elk, and moose introduces a magical element, suggesting a harmonious and celebratory mood. This personification and magical realism emphasize the joy and wonder associated with the season's renewal.

Natural Growth: The transformation of scrawny saplings into sturdy birch and oak trees symbolizes growth and resilience. The detailed description of these trees learning the "soaring songs of the birds," feeling the "gentle caress of the breeze," and the "tapping steps of a rain shower" intensifies connection with the natural elements with a sense of learning and adaptation, painting a picture of a nurturing and evolving environment.

5. Seasonal Transition: The final stanza poetically conveys melting away of the old (winter) and the rise of the new (spring). The imagery of "dandelion dreams carried on the wind" and journeys through "ancient forests" and "fresh, swaying fields" captures a sense of continuity and endless possibilities. This suggests a cyclical pattern of renewal and growth, extending beyond the immediate landscape to distant, dream-like places.

Showing vs. Telling:
This poem does a good job of showing through vivid and specific imagery. Descriptions like "The hens are clucking and cackling," "Rabbits nibble on fresh strawberries," and "Faries dance among the freshest of blooms" effectively convey the essence of spring.

Examples:
- Showing: "The hens are clucking and cackling," "Faries dance among the freshest of blooms," "Scrawny saplings freed from an icy grasp."
- Telling: The poem is largely free of telling, focusing on showing the scenes and activities of spring.

Suggestions for Improvement:

To improve the poem, should you consider, tightening some of the lines for a more concise impact might be a benefit. For instance, the stanza describing the saplings could be more powerful if condensed. Additionally, exploring more dynamic verb choices could enhance the imagery further. This offering already does a good job showing, but it might be further enhanced by integrating more sensory details like the smell of fresh soil or the feeling of a warm breeze.

Overall, vivid and sensory-rich language to paint a picture of the season's changes. The combination of everyday animal behavior, fantastical elements, and personified natural growth creates a multi-layered narrative that celebrates the rejuvenation and perpetual transformation of nature. Your poem successfully captures the transformative energy of spring. With slight refinements, it can offer an even more vivid and engaging experience.

Thankful for having your offering as part of this month’s contest.
Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
Super Power Reviewer
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142
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Review of My Fairytale  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary BlueJellyBean,

Your poem, "My Fairytale" Open in new Window. provides a haunting exploration of gothic themes, blending the innocence of childhood fantasies with the terror of lurking nightmares. The dichotomy between the whimsical elements and the darker undercurrents creates a compelling tension throughout the piece. My intrigue is piqued by subject matter and the psyche that spawned, but also how you have used language to capture these dream images to depict a vivid collection of connected, thought provoking scenes.

To start with, the poem's style, which appears to be reflective of traditional gothic literature. Here, using vivid and sometimes stark imagery to evoke a sense of unease and mystery, a reader can feel how palpable. Lines such as "Of monsters living within the depths of the / world unknown to mankind" contrasted sharply with "fairies that flit between the soft clouds," highlighting the tension between dreams and nightmares. This contrast enhances the overall mood, making a reader feel the protagonist's entrapment in an endless cycle of hope and despair.

In terms of employed form, the poem's free verse structure allows for a fluid and uninterrupted stream of consciousness. This mirrors the protagonist's descent into their dreamlike stupor and subsequent slip into unconsciousness. The lack of a rigid rhyme scheme or meter reinforces the sense of instability and unpredictability for me, as I can see, mirroring a chaotic nature in the protagonist’s mind. However, you might consider varying the line lengths to create a more dynamic visual flow, perhaps emphasizing key moments of horror or serenity with shorter or more fragmented lines. This also help punctuate proper points/breaks in read, giving a reader a sense of how your poem storied information flows.

Your use of poetic devices such as imagery and metaphor is particularly effective. The juxtaposition of "white knights riding huge black stallions" and "Creatures feasting on the galloping horses" paints a clear picture of corrupted chivalry and heroism, while the metaphor of "traps and snares that capture the fairies" acts to make poignant commentary on the fragility of innocence. Another striking image is "tall cylindrical towers with turrets," which evokes a classic fairy tale setting, only to be subverted by the ensuing descriptions of imprisoned girls and lurking beasts.

As to the psychological element of dreams and possible interpretations: The imagery and actions seem deep in the psyche, suggesting a complex desires, fears, and subconscious reflections interwoven. You juxtapose dreamlike and nightmarish elements, pointing to a struggle between hope and despair. The white knights and stallions and tall cylindrical towers with turrets evoke traditional fairy tale motifs, ideals of heroism, protection, and rescue. This likely symbolizes yearning for safety, salvation, and a return to innocence and happier times.

However, hopeful images are immediately countered by darker elements, the monsters in the depths of unknown and "Creatures feasting on the galloping horses." These intrusions could represent underlying fears, anxieties, or traumas. The monsters and beasts symbolize unknown threats and dangers that undermine this dreamer's sense of security and hope.

Traps and snares to catch fairies seems a loss of innocence and beauty, indicating possible events in the dreamer’s life that led to feelings of entrapment or crushing of once-cherished dreams. The ‘eternal gloom’ and the dreamer's loss of hope ‘saved by…prince charming’ might be feelings of helplessness, abandonment, or a fading belief in happy resolution.

The overarching theme, trapped or immobilized, suggested at a state of paralysis or inaction, possibly reflecting real-life struggles with moving forward or breaking free from current circumstances. Your poem’s images and actions show deep internal conflict with desire for rescue and happiness, continually dashed by these fears and feeling hopeless. Together, psychologically, the poem is about ongoing battles between optimism and pessimism subconsciously.

Suggestions:
Should you enhance the poem further, more sensory details might help. Describing the feel of these sensations, sounds, or even scents in either dreamscape or nightmare could add layers of richness. For example, "the sickly sweet scent of decaying flowers" could complement the image of trapped fairies, adding new dimension to the horror.

Overall, I found your offering to be a powerful and evocative piece, adeptly intertwining elements of light and darkness. The ability to capture the essence of gothic horror within a framework of familiar childhood imagery is commendable. Enhancement of sensory details and visual flow in this poem could use minor tweaks to become even more impactful.

It was a pleasure to review this poem, part of your limited offering of poetry, for this WDC Anniversary, celebrating your continued account at Writing.Com. Hoping to see more writers from you in the future, missing having your presence and interaction in the community, which is ever evolving to encourage partipiaction.

Sincerely,


Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
Image #power over display limit. -?-





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143
143
Review of Ricefields  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


This Review of Ricefields is for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest ~

Thank You for your entry!


Hello Kåre เลียม Enga Author Icon,

Thrilled to have your entry in the contest! I’m happy to learn it’s your WDC Anniversary, as well. I’m sure to raid your port again. *Smile*

Your poem "Ricefields " Open in new Window. beautifully captured for me this labor and joy of working in the fields through the seasonal lens. The imagery of bending bodies and nimble fingers planting sprouts has effectively evoked the physicality and rhythm of farm life.

The poem’s structure, with its short, impactful lines that I’m accustomed to seeing as a part of your style, mirrors the simplicity and toil of the work described. The closing lines, where the speaker finds joy and sings to the fireflies, added a poignant and uplifting conclusion to the piece.

Should you enhance the poem, as you have with recent pieces you’ve updated, there’s opportunity for expanding on the sensory details of the depicted environment. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the fields in more detail could deepen a reader’s immersion. Additionally, exploring the emotional journey with your narrative approach, throughout the day, could add more depth and connection.

Showing vs. Telling:
This poem effectively uses imagery to show the experiences of spring. Descriptions like "my body bent like a young green blade" and "as I planted the sprouts that would flourish with rains" create vivid, tangible images. You do not directly tell, meeting the foremost requirement of this month’s contest to compliment the theme of Spring.

Examples:
- Showing: "my body bent like a young green blade," "planted the sprouts that would flourish with rains."
- Telling: This poem avoided direct telling, focusing on showing through specific actions and imagery.

Further Suggestions for Improvement (in regards to prompt):
The poem is already strong in showing, but if you desire in the future, more sensory details to enhance the reader's experience, as mentioned.

A pleasure to have your poem compliment the Red Wheelbarrow contest. Your offering effectively captures for me what the essence of farm life might be and complimented by its seasonal theme, part of this month’s activity. I appreciate your participation.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Anniversary
and Angel Army Reviewer
Image #1364670 over display limit. -?-

Eyes a little tricky today. Hope it reads well enough. Might be the only for contest until tomorrow. *Smile*
(3 of 23 or 22) for actuarial purposes. *BigSmile*


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144
144
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
You’ve done over 20,000 reviews. Whoa!
Least I could do is send one.


Hey Zeke,

Your poem is a poignant reflection on the passage of time and the enduring impact of the past. The imagery of the old tree is a powerful metaphor of resilience and legacy. Readers may be able to contemplate their own lasting contributions.

The poem’s rhyme and meter gives it a classical feel, reminiscent of traditional elegies. The AABB rhyme scheme and consistent rhythm is solemn and reflects. This complements the theme of enduring presence and memory. Lines like "It stands there, stark against the gray skies. / Searching the heavens with sightless eyes" sets up a contemplative tone, highlighting the tree’s once-vibrant life and current state.

Your vivid imagery and personification give that tree life, even in lifeless state. Described: "dress [as] verdant shades of green" and "lifeblood [that] flowed freely but unseen" you do well to render its past vitality. These descriptions create a stark contrast with its current state, thus emphasizing time passage and inevitable changes. This contrast is poignant with lines like "Such memories are just a lost goal. / Time has extracted its certain toll," to underscore the theme of loss and transformation.

The final stanza provided thoughtful introspection on human existence and legacy. The comparison of the tree's enduring presence to the human desire to "leave a mark for others to see" is touching and profound. This reflection encourages readers to think about their own lives and the impact they leave behind, making this resonate on a personal level.

To enhance the emotional depth of this writing, consider exploring more specified details about the tree's history and surroundings. For instance, mention of types of creatures that have found shelter in its branches or the seasons it withstood could add layers of richness. The speaker's personal connection to the tree could be further provided for a more intimate perspective, drawing readers into the reflection all the more.

Overall, this is beautifully crafted and eloquently addresses themes of time, change, and legacy. By incorporating more specific details and personal reflections, you can deepen the emotional resonance and make the tree's story even more compelling.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

Sorry, my eyesight fails me at times.


P.S.
subtract a thousand characters ▼


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145
145
Review of Knock First  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Hello Jody and our Schnujo's Giving Away GPs Author Icon!

We have finally reached the end!! MY EYES!! *Laugh* I’m fine. Just need more artificial tears for my ventilated eyeballs. Your poem here, "Knock First" Open in new Window., so poignantly captured for me the experience of unexpected love and the vulnerability that accompanies it. The title, serving as a direct address, immediately sets the tone for a personal and intimate exploration of emotional boundaries.

The style of your poem is conversational, almost like a plea or a heartfelt confession. This direct approach effectively conveyed to me the speaker’s raw emotions, making me feel the urgency and sincerity behind the words. The simplicity of the language enhances the poem's accessibility and relatability, allowing readers like me to connect with the universal themes of love and vulnerability.

The central theme revolves around the idea of emotional invasion and the transformation that follows. The metaphor of the heart as a room with a door I found to be compelling, as it encapsulates the idea of personal boundaries and the impact of someone crossing them. The line "That’s the polite thing to do" subtly underscores societal expectations of respect and consent, which contrasts sharply with the subsequent invasion described in "But you / Just barged right in." This juxtaposition highlights the tension between expectation and reality. It amplifies the emotional impact you’ve portrayed.

The poem’s form, as free verse structure, suits the conversational tone and allows for a natural flow of thoughts and feelings. The lack of a strict rhyme scheme or meter reflects the unpredictability of love and emotions, while further emphasizing the theme of unexpected invasion. The line breaks and enjambment contribute to the poem’s rhythm, guiding the reader through the speaker’s evolving emotions.

Your use of repetition, particularly with the word "now," underscores the permanence of the change in the speaker's life. Lines such as "And now / How can I go on / Without you?" and "Leave me never / For now my heart’s door has / Closed once again" create a sense of inevitability and entrapment, reinforcing the idea that once love enters uninvited, it leaves a lasting impact. This repetition effectively conveys the speaker's desperation and fear of abandonment. Very humanizing.

To enhance the poem further, you could always try expanding on the emotional journey of the speaker. For instance, you could explore more deeply how the speaker’s feelings evolved from initial resistance to acceptance and dependency. Adding a few more lines about the initial state of the speaker’s heart—perhaps describing it as guarded or wounded—could provide a richer context for the impact of the unexpected intrusion.

Another suggestion is to incorporate more sensory details to deepen the reader's immersion. Describing how the speaker physically feels the intrusion or the presence of the other person could add a layer of vividness. For example, you might include lines about the heart pounding or the warmth of the other person’s presence.

Overall, "Knock First" is a heartfelt and relatable exploration of love’s unexpected entrance and the lasting impact it leaves. By adding more depth to the speaker’s emotional journey and incorporating sensory details, you can further enrich the reader’s experience and connection to the poem. Now, you probably won’t be hearing from me for another year… I try to stay away and this website sucks the marrow of words from me. See how poetic? *Geek*

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
Image #power over display limit. -?-


I’m typing blindly on my eye-pad. *Laugh* TG4 *Pray* talk to text and cut and paste. Angles hand so stray fingers don’t mangle the pretty text. They also can be intrusive as a laptop keystroke wipeout. These review tool boxes are WIDE OPEN spaces. Have to turn my next to get to end of window/line. *Worry* index finger rest time. Tap, tap, tap arthritic littlevfellow. *numb* *BigSmile*


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146
146
Review of Tickle Torture  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.




Hello once more Schnujo's Giving Away GPs Author Icon,

Your poem "Tickle Torture" captured a playful yet relatable sibling dynamic, using a repetitive structure that emphasizes the ever present and persistence of brother’s tickling. The poem's simple language and rhythm make it accessible to a younger audience, aligning well with many groups of readers. The use of repetition, particularly the refrain "My brother likes to tickle me," reinforces the constancy of the brother’s actions and the speaker’s exasperation.

The theme of the poem centers around the annoyance and frustration of being tickled incessantly, a situation many readers, especially children, can relate to. I, however, wouldn’t know. We had plenty of five-finger sandwiches with four brothers. *Laugh* The tone of your poem comes across as light-hearted, even when expressing discomfort, which keeps the poem from becoming too serious or negative. This balance is well-maintained throughout, ensuring it remained entertaining and engaging.

The structure of the poem is straightforward, each stanza following a similar pattern. This regularity helps to create a rhythmic flow, making the poem easy to read and memorize. However, the frequent use of "I am tickled" might feel a bit redundant. To add variety, consider rephrasing some lines or incorporating different descriptive phrases. For example, instead of "I am tickled on my feet," you might say, "His fingers spider-dance upon my feet." This would add a fresh twist to the repetition while maintaining the poem’s playful tone.

Your use of rhyme and meter is effective in maintaining the poem’s rhythmic quality. The consistent AABB rhyme scheme is simple yet effective for the intended audience. However, you could experiment with occasional near rhymes or varied line lengths to add more musicality and surprise. For instance, changing "My brother likes to tickle me" to "With glee, my brother tickles me" in some stanzas could provide a slight variation while keeping the meaning intact. I often go back and look at filler words, such as ‘like’, which I call placeholders. I can easily boost language focusing on adjectives and verbs afterwards, employing active language to really engage.

One suggestion for enhancing this poem is to incorporate more sensory detail, or similes, to evoke the physical sensation of tickling. For example, you could describe tickling fingers as "spiders dancing on my skin" or "raindrops relentlessly falling." These vivid images can deepen the reader’s engagement and make the experience more tangible.

In summary, your poem is charming and effectively captures a sibling’s mischievous behavior through simple language and repetitive structure. By varying some of the phrasing and incorporating more sensory details, I imagine it could appeal to younger audiences, including an illustrated book encouraging sibling relationships. These adjustments would add depth and keep the reader's interest piqued throughout this poem.

It’s been pleasing reading your writes in celebration of your WDC anniversary. Next up…

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
Image #power over display limit. -?-

Re-rotates eyeballs *Eyesright**WaterDrop*


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147
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Review of WAR  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Anniversary Schnujo's Giving Away GPs Author Icon!

Here I go again. *Laugh* Got my teeth sunk in with these committed review tool/anniversary projects. This is turning into a port raid, albeit only poetry being harvested for feedback. Your Diamanté poem "WAR" Open in new Window. illustrates here a powerful transition from chaos to calm through its concise yet impactful structure. The form, a seven-line poem shaped like a diamond, is adeptly used to mirror the thematic shift from "WAR" to "PEACE." This specific choice of structure/prompt reinforces the contrast between the two states, providing a visual and conceptual journey from turbulence to tranquility.

In terms of style, this poem employed a strict yet creative approach to the Diamanté form, using it to encapsulate complex emotions and states itself well within a limited space. The poem starts out with “WAR,” characterized by negative adjectives like "Messy" and "Turbulent." These descriptors immediately evoke a sense of chaos and disorder. The verbs "Testing, Changing, Unforgiving" further this notion, illustrating the dynamic and often harsh nature of war. This choice of words effectively conveys the emotional and physical turmoil associated with conflict. A subject you may be quite familiar with.

The central line of the poem, “Soldiers, Battle, Civilians, Talks,” serves as the pivot point, encapsulating the essence of war and its multifaceted impact. Here, the juxtaposition of "Soldiers" and "Civilians" highlights the widespread reach of war, affecting not just combatants in the field but ordinary people as well. "Battle" and "Talks" indicate both the active conflict and the attempts at resolution, suggesting a duality that is often present in war scenarios.

As the poem transitions towards "PEACE," the tone shifts dramatically. The adjectives "Refreshing, Changing, Forgiving" introduce a sense of renewal and hope. This mirrors the earlier chaotic transformation but in a positive light, suggesting that peace, while also a process of change, brings about healing and forgiveness. The final adjectives, "Fragile, Quiet," have underscored the delicate nature of peace, emphasizing its preciousness and the care needed to maintain it.

The use of contrasting language and imagery throughout the poem i found particularly effective. For instance, the shift from "Messy" to "Quiet" encapsulates a complete transformation from disorder to serenity. This stark contrast not only highlights the poem's central theme but also provides a sense of resolution and balance, which often punctuates the success of the poetic write that lends summation/closure.

However, one suggestion for enhancing the poem I might suggest could be the inclusion of more evocative language or imagery in the central line. While “Soldiers, Battle, Civilians, Talks” captures the essence of war, more descriptive terms could deepen the reader's emotional engagement. For example, "Wounded Soldiers, Fierce Battles, Innocent Civilians, Peace Talks" might provide a more vivid depiction of the war experience and its resolution. That’s if you consider a rewrite or composing a different poetic form to approach. I sometimes rewrite my poems in different forms/styles to experience the message under a different light. Usually there is more I need to say, or a shift in focus/perspective to take its message in another direction.

Overall, this Diamanté poem succeeds for me in its form and thematic delivery. Its concise structure and use of contrasting language effectively conveyed the tumultuous journey from war to peace. With possible minor adjustments, the poem could achieve even greater emotional depth and resonance for potential readers. On to the next. *ThumbsUpL*

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
Image #power over display limit. -?-


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148
148
Review of Serendipity  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Hello Jody,

Your poem Serendipity captures a powerful moment of emotional transition with such remarkable brevity and simplicity. The minimalistic structure and concise language effectively conveys a sense of liberation and unexpected joy that follows a period of sorrow.

The theme of the poem revolves around the concept of serendipity—the occurrence of happy or beneficial events by chance. The narrative arc from "Cry did she" to "She's Free" encapsulates a journey from sadness to newfound freedom, highlighting the transformative power of unforeseen events. This theme is universally relatable, as many people have experienced moments of unexpected joy emerging from difficult situations. In a way, I can see this as humorous in another way. There is the trap of losing our identity when we are with another. The beautiful irony is we get ourself back as a result, find bliss and freedom that come from choosing your own path.

The loose structure of the poem enhances its impact. I see the staggered and descending arrangement of lines visually representing a transition or falling away of burdens, which mirrors the emotional journey of the protagonist. The poem's form, almost resembling a free verse, allows for a fluid and dynamic reading experience, reflecting the spontaneity and unpredictability of serendipity itself. That’s something most people won’t notice, reading for entertainment value over the analytical that seeks layers upon the second or third read of poetry that acts as puzzle.

Your use of poetic devices, though subtle, adds depth to the poem. The anaphora in "Cancel did he / Cry did she" creates a rhythmic and almost chant-like quality, emphasizing the initial despair. The abrupt shift to "But now / She's / Free" introduces a stark contrast, underscoring the sudden change in circumstances. The final word, "Serendipity," stands alone, serving as both a conclusion and a powerful statement of the poem's central theme. And might I note about this psychologically. I feel this is inner dialogue with voice given to oneself narrating the realization of serendipity, words forming as transformative thoughts unveil during this epiphany,

Should you further enhance this poem, consider adding a few more details or images to enrich the reader's understanding of the protagonist's emotional journey. For instance, incorporating sensory details or metaphors could deepen the impact of the transformation. You might include lines similar to, "Tears fell like rain," to create a more vivid picture of the initial sadness. I prefer brevity with “Tears were shed”, usually said after a disagreement or worse.

Additionally, while the poem's brevity is one of its strengths, a slightly expanded version could explore the protagonist's feelings more fully without losing the offering’s succinctness. Here’s an example:

"Serendipity
Cancel did he
Cry did she
Tears were shed
But now
She's
Free
For
Serendipity"

This slight expansion maintains the poem's concise style while providing a bit more emotional context. But, i don’t know. On ‘But now” we know something happened, was learned. I’d turn to a depicted expression (an acting cue, even, to show) that comes upon her face to get into that transition.

Overall, "Serendipity" is a beautifully conceited and crafted piece that uses its simplicity and minimalism to convey a profound emotional shift. Very relatable scenario. Your ability to evoke such a strong sense of transformation in so few words is commendable. With a bit more imagery or expansion, I feel the poem could become even more resonant for readers.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
Image #power over display limit. -?-

Phew! Eyeballs a-spinnin’.


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149
149
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Hello Jody,

Your poem, "The Problem with My Water" Open in new Window. I found amusing, as a humorous exploration of the ‘all things water’ role that functions in our daily lives. The playful tone and rhythmic structure of this piece make it engaging, while your final line delivered a witty twist to add a charming punch to your offering.

The theme of your poem is the omnipresence and necessity of water. Ubiquitous, I believe’s the word. By listing various uses of water—drinking, swimming, bathing, washing clothes, and watering plants—you highlight how essential and versatile it is to our everyday routines. This listing format is an effective structural choice, as it builds a rhythm and anticipation that culminates in the humorous revelation at the end.

The humor in your poem is light-hearted and accessible. SPOILER ALERT! The final line, "The problem with my water is / None of it's a Coke," is a clever and unexpected twist that elicits a smile. This punchline not only serves as a humorous conclusion but also subtly comments on the human tendency to sometimes overlook the importance of essential resources in favor of personal preferences.

Your use of poetic devices enhances the charm and readability of your writing. The consistent rhyme scheme (AABBCC) and rhythmic flow make the poem feel like a song or nursery rhyme, which adds to its whimsical nature. For example, "I've got water in my washer, / Water for my cloak" is both rhythmic and alliterative, contributing to the poem’s playful tone. The short lines are punchy and the right compliment, adding to accessibility of the read by many.

One suggestion for improvement could be to vary the imagery slightly to add more layers to the humor and creativity. For instance, incorporating more unexpected or whimsical uses of water could enhance the fun. You could include lines like, "I've got water for my garden gnome, / Water for my boat," which would add variety while maintaining the playful theme. Myself, I’ve got rainwater filling in a sled lying out back.

Additionally, you could consider expanding the poem to explore even more scenarios or adding a few more lines that maintain the humor and light-heartedness. This could make the build-up even more satisfying before delivering the punchline. For example, "I've got water in my fish tank, / Water for my moat," could add another layer of amusement. If you should rework, has it been entered in Lornda’s occasional humorous poetry contest?

Overall, "The Problem with My Water" is a charming and witty poem that effectively employs humor and rhythmic structure to engage the reader. Your playful approach and clever twist make it a memorable piece that showcases your ability to find joy and humor in the everyday. It was a pleasure consuming for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power
and Anniversary Reviewer
Image #power over display limit. -?-


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150
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Kåre,

Not a poem this time, I had to put on my old editorial visor, sans little blue pencil that wouldn’t stay behind my ear anyhow. Cobwebs dusted, me and my brain had a look.

Your editorial piece, "Solutions are simple. Do you have the Will to act?" I feel effectively addresses a critical humanitarian issue with your directness and plea for urgency. The simplicity of your proposed solutions stands in stark contrast to the complex debates that often surround such crises. It underscores the point that compassion and action need to precede lengthy discussion.

Your approach to the subject was refreshingly straightforward. By presenting basic human needs—water, food, shelter—as universal rights that require immediate action, you cut through potential bureaucratic red tape and highlight the moral imperative to help the indigent. This directness is powerful, compelling readers to recognize the simplicity of the solution and the complexity is only in our willingness to act.

Your call to action is clear and compelling. You emphasize that while not everyone can take someone into their home, everyone can contribute in some meaningful way. This inclusive approach empowers readers to find their own capacity to help, whether through providing space, financial support, or emotional and social support. This broad invitation to participate would ensure that no one feels excluded from the solution.

This argument is constructed effectively, contrasting the simplicity of basic humanitarian solutions with the complexity of societal and governmental responses. The repetition of "solutions are simple" reinforces your central thesis and adds a rhythmic urgency to your plea. Additionally, the empathetic acknowledgment of the readers' likely lack of firsthand experience with such trauma serves to bridge the gap between the affected individuals and potential helpers, and would then foster a sense of shared humanity and responsibility.

To further strengthen this editorial, you mighht consider adding a few more concrete examples or suggestions for action. For instance, provide information on how individuals can connect with organizations that are already facilitating housing and support for displaced individuals. Phrases like "Contact your local Red Cross chapter to see how you can help" or "Consider supporting organizations like Habitat for Humanity" can guide readers toward actionable steps.

Moreover, adding a personal anecdote or a story of a successful intervention could serve to illustrate your points more vividly and emotionally engage your readers. For example, "I know a family who opened their home to a displaced family, and the impact on both families was profoundly positive" can inspire others to act similarly.

In conclusion, this editorial you've offered is a powerful call to action that effectively highlights the simplicity of humanitarian solutions and the importance of collective will. With the addition of specific actionable suggestions and/or personal stories, your message could resonate even more deeply with your audience. Thanks for sharing this.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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