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True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
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Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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Review of Southern Summer  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear rooster,

I appreciate the brevity and descriptiveness of [item696053}, :a collection of haikus that beautifully encapsulate the essence of summer in North Carolina. The poem's economy of words is a testament to the power of haiku as a literary form. However, stumbling out of the gate before I get deeper into the verses, I’m unable to help but notice an issue in the opening lines.

The first haiku, "Summer evening," feels somewhat redundant when placed alongside the title of the poem, which already strongly suggests the season and setting. Instead of merely reiterating the obvious, consider crafting an opening that evokes the unique atmosphere of a North Carolina summer evening. Paint a vivid picture for the reader with sensory details or a unique perspective that sets the stage for the subsequent haikus.

On the positive side, your haikus expertly employ traditional literary devices to create vivid imagery. "Fireflies dance on forest's edge" vividly conjures the magic of fireflies in the dusk, while "Homemade ice cream melts" appeals to the senses, offering a taste of summer's sweet delights. Listening to these words aloud there is a lyrical quality addressed. By using a soft alliterate tone it lends to the writer’s romance with scene and subject.

"Moonlit sky above" and "Soft grass underneath bare feet" create a serene and dreamlike atmosphere, drawing the reader into a tranquil moment of reflection. The final haiku, "Water laps bare feet," adds a coastal touch to the collection, enhancing its variety and charm. You can visualize with senses of sight and sound with ‘laps’. And one could argue personification as the water loves/serves the feet with this obedient, loving expression. Therein is the truest tone of contentment: the shared romance with nature’s returning love.

To enhance this collection further, I would encourage you to explore more diverse themes within the scope of a North Carolina summer. Perhaps, you could incorporate cultural aspects, the flora and fauna, or the unique regional traditions that make this season special. Notions that could extend what you have going, or inspire further poems/writes.

In consideration of "Southern Summer", there is found a promising collection of haikus that capture and convey the essence of a North Carolina summer. By addressing an opening stumbling block, this haiku will better set up the scene. With inclusion of a broader range of themes, you can take this poetic journey to even greater heights.

It was well worth the read and I thank you for openly sharing your craft with the writing community for responseS like this.

Sincerely,

Brian KC
WDC Super Power Reviewer

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Angel Army Review of month 9/2023  (E)
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152
Review of A Desperate Man  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello JB,

I read your dark prose piece, "A Desperate Man," and I appreciate the intensity and the vivid depiction of this encounter. Here are some thoughts and feedback on your writing:

Prose and Descriptive Detail
Your prose is highly descriptive and paints a vivid picture of the encounter between the protagonist and the desperate man. The visceral details, such as the smell of vomit in the man's hair and the "gaping wound" of the alleyway, create a compelling atmosphere and help the reader immerse in the scene. This sets the tone effectively for a dark and gritty narrative.

Storytelling and Theme
The story centers around the interaction between the protagonist and the desperate man, who offers a mysterious deal involving magical cards. The theme of desperation and addiction is palpable, and it raises questions about what people are willing to give up or do to satisfy their cravings. The idea of a deal with the devil is subtly woven into the narrative, making it intriguing.

Character Dynamics
The dynamic between the protagonist and the desperate man is well-crafted. The push-and-pull between their dialogue and the protagonist's determination not to give in to temptation is a strong narrative device. It effectively portrays the sense of despair and longing that the desperate man feels.

Suggestion for Improvement
Consider exploring the backstory or motivations of the protagonist more deeply. Why is the protagonist so resistant to the deal? What has led them to this point of indifference or defiance? Providing a bit more insight into the protagonist's perspective could enhance a reader's connection to the story.

The ending of the story is left open, perhaps not finished, or a powerful narrative choice. But, might be interesting to explore the consequences of the protagonist's repeated encounters with the desperate man. How does this ongoing struggle affect the protagonist's life or psyche?

In conclusion, a compelling piece of dark prose with a strong sense of atmosphere, character dynamics, and thematic depth. To make it even more captivating, delve deeper into the protagonist's character and consider the long-term implications of their interactions with the desperate man.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer

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Angel Army Review of month 9/2023  (E)
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Review of Impenetrable  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Richard ~ Shenanigans INC. ,

"Impenetrable" is a charming eight-line poem that humorously addresses the concept of writer's block and the struggle to find inspiration and creativity. The structure and style are noteworthy, utilizing rhyme and humor effectively to convey message.

The poem adopts a consistent AABBA rhyme scheme, which adds to its playful and rhythmic quality. The use of end rhymes, such as "levity" with "propensity" and "aggregate" with "levitate," creates a pleasing sense of symmetry. This rhyme scheme offers a balance between humor and contemplation, making it enjoyable for me.

The theme of writer's block is approached with humor, relatable to anyone like me who has experienced moments of creative stagnation. The phrase "Impenetrable is my mind due to density" cleverly combines the literal density of the mind with the metaphorical density of writer's block. {e laugh} The poem humorously suggests that the mind's density can be so high that it struggles to grasp the immensity of ideas. This play on words is a clever use of poetic devices to convey a common creative struggle. Good on that.

Additionally, you employ alliteration effectively. Phrases like "Swirling fourth" and "mixing, to conflate" add to the musicality of the poem, enhancing its overall rhythm.

To enhance the poem further, have you considered expanding, as with the metaphor of the "open gate" and the mind's ability to allow thoughts to flow. The gate could be explored in more detail, offering readers a richer visual image to connect with. For example, describe the gate as rusty or well-oiled, symbolizing the ease or difficulty with which thoughts flow through it.

Sometimes, I get these notions and think ‘save it for another poem’. Often, I advise writers not to change what they have, but feel prompted to go after something new. I’ve borrowed from other poems I’ve written to construct new, from a favorite set of words, or word, weaveing through, invoking a theme of sorts (should I produce a collection).

In summary, "Impenetrable": delightful and witty, effectively explores the theme of writer's block through clever wordplay and a consistent rhyme scheme. I can also write promos and book blurbs. I’m at your service, once I finalized the five manuscripts I’m currently working on. *Laugh* I seriously need to get off my green recliner outpost. *Rolleyes* <——- Isn’t Writing ML fun? (say no, say no, say no) *Bigsmile*

I really loved this. Love reviewing.
Truly,

Brian
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Dr Perry Ride ,

The short story "Is coffee a bane to be banned?"  explores a thought-provoking scenario where coffee is declared an illegal substance due to its caffeine content. Here's a reaction and some additional knowledge on the subject:

The Write and Its Implications
The story presents a unique and imaginative premise where coffee, a widely consumed beverage, is banned globally. The narrative is engaging, and it explores the consequences of such a decision. It brings out the various perspectives of people, from students in a classroom to the international community's reactions, making it a thought-provoking piece.

Strengths
Real-World Parallels
The story draws parallels to historical events like alcohol prohibition, which adds depth to the narrative and makes readers reflect on the potential societal impact of banning coffee.

Incorporation of Medical Knowledge
The inclusion of information about caffeine's effects on health, both its benefits and potential harms, adds credibility to the story.

Reader Response
Readers are likely to have mixed responses to this story. Some may find it a cautionary tale, highlighting the consequences of overconsumption and dependency on coffee. Others might view it as a dystopian scenario that makes them appreciate their coffee habits more.

What Could Be Better
Character Development
While the story provides insights into the teacher and a student named Henry, more character development could make the narrative more engaging. Adding personal stories or reactions from different characters can create a richer, more emotionally resonant experience for readers.

Exploration of Themes
The story touches upon themes of addiction, government regulation, and societal reactions. To enhance the narrative, it could delve deeper into these themes, providing more nuanced perspectives on the consequences of banning coffee.

Balancing Information
While the story includes informative elements about caffeine's effects, it should be careful not to overload the reader with too much data. Balancing storytelling and information is crucial to maintain reader engagement.

“Is coffee a bane to be banned?" is thought-provoking fiction and raises intriguing questions about the cultural, societal, and health aspects of coffee consumption. It's a good write with an imaginative concept. To improve, it could be fleshed out more, benefitting from further character development and deeper exploration of its themes.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of For Thee  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear J.R. PETE ,

I came across your poem "For Thee" and was given pause and thought I might like to offer my thoughts with some feedback.

This poem begins with a strong and evocative image of someone bowing on bended knee and submitting their soul willingly. This immediately sets a tone of devotion and sacrifice in my mind. The use of the word "curse" in the line "You utter a curse Line and verse" adds an intriguing layer of complexity. It suggests that the relationship or devotion being described may not be entirely positive, which piques this reader's curiosity.

The theme of the sea as a powerful and relentless force is well-established throughout the poem. The sea is personified as "O'Mighty Sea," and the speaker's life is dedicated to it. This theme of devotion to a powerful and unforgiving entity is compelling and creates a sense of tension and drama within the poem framework.

Your use of poetic devices is quite effective here. The repetition of "For thee" throughout the poem emphasizes the speaker's dedication and reinforces the central theme. The imagery of "Salted tears fall are mine" and "Baked sun, my lips do broil" adds vivid sensory details that help the reader to feel the speaker's suffering and sacrifice. Additionally, the alliteration in "baked" and "broil" creates a pleasing sonic quality.

However, there are areas where your poem could possibly be improved. The poem's brevity leaves room for further exploration of the theme and emotions. You might consider expanding on the reasons behind the speaker's devotion to the sea or delving deeper into the consequences of this devotion. This could provide more depth and complexity to the poem.

Furthermore, the poem's structure is quite minimal, and while free verse allows for creative freedom, adding some variation in line length or stanza breaks could enhance the visual and rhythmic aspects of the poem. Hearing it aloud is the truest test. I, myself, forget this.

In conclusion, "For Thee" was a thought-provoking poem to consider that explores themes of devotion and sacrifice with evocative imagery and effective use of poetic devices. To make it even more impactful, consider expanding on the theme and experimenting with the poem's structure a little bit. It was a pleasure to discover you and this.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of The Time Crystal  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Dear Krista,

"The Time Crystal" is a heartwarming addition to the series of Izzy's adventures in Rosewood Forest. In this charming short story, you have once again successfully captured the essence of childhood wonder and the magic of nature. The storytelling is engaging, and the pacing is well-suited for young readers, making it a delightful and age-appropriate read.

One of the standout aspects of the story is how you introduce the theme of environmental conservation. By highlighting the fading magic of the forest due to the missing Time Crystals, this cleverly imparts the importance of preserving nature to young readers. It's a valuable lesson woven into the narrative, teaching children about the significance of caring for the environment.

The use of the wise old owl and his riddles as a guide for Izzy's quest is a brilliant choice. It not only adds a sense of mystery and adventure to the story but also encourages young readers to embrace challenges and develop their problem-solving skills. The riddles engage children's intellect and curiosity, making them an integral part of the story's appeal.

The characters, particularly Izzy and her animal friends, continue to shine in this storytelling. These characters are relatable and well-developed, and their camaraderie reinforces the story's theme of friendship and teamwork. The encounter with the fox introduces a moment of suspense and conflict, which helps children understand the importance of courage and protecting what is valuable.

The resolution of the story, where Izzy and her friends successfully retrieve the Time Crystal and restore the forest's magic, is heartwarming and underlines the message that young adventurers can make a significant impact in their environment. It's a positive and empowering conclusion that leaves young readers with a sense of accomplishment.

I have found vivid descriptions and imagery throughout the story that create a visually rich world for readers to explore. The writing style is child-friendly and captivating, allowing young readers to easily connect with the narrative.

In summary, this story is a testament to your storytelling skills, delivering a delightful and thought-provoking story for young audiences. It effectively imparts important values like environmental conservation, problem-solving, and power of friendship. The well-crafted characters make for great, imaginative children's literature, and encourages readers to explore the wonders of nature.

You have done a commendable job in creating a magical world for Izzy's adventures, and this story is a cherished addition to the series.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of City Singing  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Miki,

First of all, let me say that your poem "City Singing" is a delightful and sensory-rich journey through a bustling urban landscape. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and here are my thoughts and feedback on what strikes me, what works well, and areas to consider:

What Strikes a Reader: Vivid Imagery: Your poem is filled with vivid, sensory imagery that brings the city to life. Readers can truly feel the hustle and bustle of the urban environment, from the "gritty city sidewalks" to the "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh" of passing vehicles.

Rhythmic Flow: Your poem has a wonderful rhythmic flow, mirroring the pace and movement of the city itself. It's evident in the onomatopoeic words and the repetition of sounds like "tick-ticking," "tap-tap-tap," and "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh."

Juxtaposition of Moments: You skillfully weave together various moments and sounds, creating a beautiful tapestry of city life. From the "homeless man murmuring a nursery rhyme" to the "ukulele chords" in a passing cafe, each moment adds a layer of depth and intrigue to the poem.

What Works Well: The Sensory Experience: The poem successfully immerses the reader in the sensory experience of the city. You've captured not only the visual elements but also the auditory sensations and even the tactile feel of the environment.

Concluding Twist: The final stanza is a pleasant twist that brings a smile. It adds a sense of personal connection to the city's symphony, and it's a lighthearted and unexpected ending that works well.

Use of Repetition: The repetition of sounds and words throughout the poem is effective in creating a sense of rhythm and emphasizing the theme of the city's "song."

Areas for Consideration:
Tighten Structure: Some lines and stanzas are longer and denser than others, which can affect the overall flow and consistency. Consider fine-tuning the structure to maintain a more consistent rhythm.

Punctuation and Capitalization:
There are moments when you've chosen to use unconventional punctuation and capitalization, such as "click-click-clicking" and "ditty persisting insistence." While this can work to convey the frenetic pace of the city, be mindful that it doesn't become too distracting or obscure the meaning.

Regarding Your Projects and Academics:
It's fantastic to hear about your academic background and your involvement in both film and literary projects. Your ability to craft vivid scenes and evoke emotions in "City Singing" is a testament to your talent. I encourage you to continue exploring your creativity, whether it's through novels, screenplays, or poetry. The ability to create such an immersive urban experience in a poem reflects a strong narrative sensibility that can certainly be an asset in other forms of storytelling.

In your future work, don't be afraid to experiment with style and form, as you've done here. The unique structure and perspective in "City Singing" make it an engaging read. Keep pushing the boundaries and honing your craft.

Overall, Miki, your poem captures the essence of a bustling city with remarkable clarity. The sensory richness and unique perspective make it a memorable piece.

Sincerely,
Brian
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Review of Klahhane Ridge  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello RatDog ,

Thank you for sharing your haiku "Klahhane Ridge” for feedback. Haikus are a beautiful form of poetry that require precision and elegance, and this one encapsulates the essence of a serene moment in nature. Here's my reaction and feedback:

Style and Form
The haiku's simplicity and brevity are its strengths. The three-line structure adheres to the traditional 5-7-5 syllable pattern, which adds a sense of traditional beauty. The stark contrast between the image of "Mountains out of sight" and the "grey wall" provides a striking visual contrast, which immediately engages the reader.

Theme and Imagery
The haiku beautifully captures a moment of profound connection with nature and mindfulness. It's about being present in the moment, where the mountains, though not visible, make an impact on the speaker's state of mind. The "grey wall" can be seen as a metaphor for a mental barrier or the mundane concerns of daily life, which momentarily recedes, allowing the speaker to find "Peace" within.

Poetic Devices
The haiku employs several poetic devices. Firstly, there's juxtaposition in the contrast between what's physically absent (the mountains) and what's vividly present (the "grey wall"), which creates a strong contrast. It's a fine example of how haikus often emphasize the significance of the moment by highlighting one or two key elements.

Suggestions for Improvement—
Given the brevity of haikus, it's essential to ensure that every word and syllable contributes meaningfully. In this haiku, "The" in the first line is not essential and could be omitted to create a more streamlined structure, like: "Mountains out of sight."

While traditional 5-7-5 haikus are prevalent, they're not the only form of haiku. Consider experimenting with variations that still capture the essence of the moment but don't necessarily adhere strictly to the syllable count. This can offer new perspectives and flexibility in your haiku writing.

In conclusion, this was a lovely haiku that brings the reader into a serene moment of mindfulness and connection with nature. Its brevity and simplicity are its strengths, and with a slight adjustment for conciseness, it could become even more potent in its reflection of the shared moment.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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Review of InSect  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Axilea,

I've been keeping a poem of yours in my cue to review, wanting to reconnect here after all these years. Hope you are well. Would like to offer my reaction with some feedback.

I found "InSect" to be a thought-provoking poem that delves deep into themes of nostalgia, memory, and self-identity. The use of introspection is quite apparent throughout the poem, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences and emotions.

The style of the poem is unique and distinctive, and while English may not be your first language, your choice of words and phrases adds a certain rawness and authenticity to the piece. It feels like a deeply personal reflection, which is a strength of the poem. However, in some instances, the broken English can make comprehension a bit challenging. For example, the lines "sap stealer -" and "forehead airbrushed -" could benefit from a bit more clarity or context.

You have effectively employed poetic devices to enhance the overall impact of the poem. The use of symbolism with the beetle armor and references to transformation and recollection adds depth to the narrative. The juxtaposition of "dead brilliance" and "stolen metal" conveys a sense of loss and impermanence, which is a poignant theme.

To improve the poem, consider providing a bit more context or narrative flow in certain sections. For example, the lines "flawless, washed and de-sinned / disinfected, forehead airbrushed -" could be expanded upon to help readers better understand their significance. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more structured rhythm or meter to enhance the overall flow.

Overall, "InSect" is a powerful piece that showcases a fascinating and thought-provoking piece to consider. You are a skilled writer with a unique voice and perspective. It's a vivid exploration of great emotions and memories, and with some minor adjustments for clarity, it could become even more impactful for your readers.

Your old poet pal and Facebook buddy from WDC,

Brian

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160
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Dear Jimmy E. Durham, RN-BC ,

I discoverd you short story some time ago and kept in the cue until I had time to give it a read and feedback. I found "A Gift from a Monster"  explores the deep, dark themes of grief, loss, anger, and vengeance. It effectively captures the protagonist's overwhelming emotions following the tragic death of her child and her husband's and her own desperate quest for justice. Some of my observations with what I found good and some suggestions for improvement outlined below:

It Had A Strong Emotional Impact:
The story successfully conveys the intense emotions of the protagonist, especially her grief and anger. The reader can feel her pain and frustration.

On Character Development:
The characters' emotions and inner conflicts are well-portrayed, particularly the divide between the husband and wife in dealing with their loss. The monster's chilling demeanor and the mother's indifference create a sense of foreboding.

About Imagery and Description:
The story uses vivid descriptions to evoke powerful emotions. However, there are moments when the graphic detail might be overly explicit. Balancing the gruesome details with subtlety could create a more suspenseful atmosphere.

As To Dialogue:
The dialogue effectively reveals the characters' emotions and motivations. However, consider using dialogue tags and attributions to clarify who is speaking, especially in scenes with multiple characters.

Per Structure and Pacing:
The story maintains the reader's interest with a steady pace, but it might benefit from shorter paragraphs and more varied sentence structure to enhance readability.

The Resolution:
The story concludes with a shocking revelation from the monster, leaving the reader with a disturbing impression. However, the ending could be made more impactful by delving deeper into the emotional aftermath for the protagonist and her husband, or by leaving some elements open to interpretation.

Considering Show vs. Tell:
Some parts of the story involve telling the reader what the characters are feeling or thinking rather than showing through actions and dialogue. Expanding on these moments with more active descriptions could further engage the reader.

Of Consistency in Tone:
While exploring dark and heavy themes, maintaining a consistent tone throughout the story is important. Some sections, like the mother's inner monologue, could be revised to ensure they align with the overall tone of the narrative.

Regarding Title Significance:
The title, "A Gift From A Monster," is thought-provoking, but its relevance could be made clearer within the story. Consider emphasizing the connection between the title and your narrative.

Relevance of Certain Details:
Some details about the mother's religious beliefs and her son's upbringing may be more explicit than necessary for the story's progression. Streamlining these sections could improve pacing.

As To Punctuation and Grammar:
There are occasional issues with punctuation, grammar, and formatting that can disrupt the flow of the story. Careful proofreading and editing would help in this regard.

“A Gift From A Monster" is indeed gripping and effectively conveys intense emotions with its exploration of dark themes. Given some refinements in structure, description, and pacing, the compelling nature of this reading experience can be even more intense, while maintaining its emotional impact.

It was a pleasure to read and consider your short story for feedback.

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of Thinking of You  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Chris,

Your lyrics in "Thinking of You" are a heartfelt and poignant tribute to your brother and sister, who you mention served in Iraq in 2002 and which inspired you to compose this. The song beautifully captures the deep sense of longing, pride, and support felt for loved ones during their time away.

The first verse of "Thinking of You"  reflects on cherished memories, highlighting the way time has passed yet those moments remain fresh in mind. It's a powerful way to convey the enduring connection and love for your siblings. The phrase "So little time for memories, but you're always in mine" encapsulates the sentiment perfectly.

The chorus of the song is particularly moving. The lines, "And you know I'm thinking of you, As the battle rages on, The same stars are out there, Wherever you are," express the idea that despite the physical distance, there's a cosmic connection and a sense of unity under the same stars. It's a beautiful metaphor for the unbreakable bond between family members, even in the face of adversity.

The second verse expresses concern for their safety and the desire for their safe return. The lines "Until the duty is done, All our hearts go there with you, And all our prayers are for you, To find us again" showing unwavering support and hope that they’d make it home safe and sound.

The song ends with a powerful crescendo, symbolizing a strong desire for this voice to reach and uplift brother and sister amidst the chaos of battle.

Overall, these lyrics are a moving tribute to the bravery and sacrifice of those serving in the military and the love and support of their families. The emotions and words resonate deeply, capturing the essence of what it means to have a loved one serving in a distant and dangerous place. The message is one of love, pride, and unwavering support, making "Thinking of You" a truly touching and meaningful song.

Thank you for sharing this with us,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of Untitled  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear H. M. Marie ,

Your poetic offering is a haunting exploration of minimalism and brevity through the lens of a Japanese lantern form, which I see adheres to a strict syllable count per line. I feel the absence of a title emphasizes your poem's distilled essence, inviting readers to delve into this tiny, cryptic world.

Your poem's brevity forced me to scrutinize each word carefully. The opening line, "doll," delivers a strikingly singular image, immediately capturing one’s attention. The use of monosyllabic words also creates a sense of starkness and isolation. As we progress, the phrase "dusty seams now split" evokes the fragility of dreams and the passage of time. The choice of "buried dreamer" carries a dual meaning, hinting at both a deceased individual and the abandonment of aspirations.

The poem's form is crucial to its impact on this reader. By adhering to the lantern structure, you have skillfully employed the required syllable count with its constraint that helps convey depth of emotion depicted. Each line builds on the previous, creating a crescendo of meaning and tension.

"Untitled" operates as dark poetry by delving into themes of loss, decay, and the abandonment of dreams. It paints a desolate landscape where even dreams themselves are "buried." Your poetic offering operates within the genre's boundaries by evoking a sense of unease and melancholy, all within the confines of those five lines.

One suggestion to enhance the poem's impact could be to consider the use of imagery and symbolism. For instance, you might explore how specific objects or colors could deepen the layers of meaning. Additionally, consider playing somehow with line breaks and the use of punctuation to further control the poem's pace and emphasis for a more dramatic effect. For instance, adding a comma after "dusty" in the second line could amplify the pause and emphasize the decay.

In conclusion, this lantern poem was compelling in exploration of voice, form, and thematic depth within the constraints of a Japanese form. It captivates with its stark imagery and brevity while inviting contemplation of the hidden meanings beneath its surface. Further experimentation with symbolism and punctuation could truly enrich an already evocative piece.

It was a pleasure to come across this unique poem with its small shape form.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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for entry "Haiku: "Gentle Light"" 
In affiliation with Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Jay,

We had some good discussion about this haiku and it presents bright improvement. Without checking our emailed notes, but recalling general discussion from review to response, I sat down to offer this revised critique:

There’s a harmonious interplay of nature and light encapsulated in the concise form of Gentle Light. A new read of this haiku reveals how it paints a vivid picture of a serene scene where the late-day sun delicately interacts with the leaves of an elm tree. This revised version indeed exhibits improvement in creating a stronger connection to the subject and theme, while also incorporating more active and descriptive language.

The haiku begins with the phrase "through soft shade it shines," which beautifully conveys the idea of the sun's gentle illumination breaking through the foliage. This phrase sets the stage for the reader, creating a sense of anticipation. The use of "soft shade" is particularly effective in conveying a sense of calm and tranquility.

The middle line, "late day sun laminates leaves," is where the revised haiku truly shines. The choice of the word "laminates" is excellent, as it vividly describes the way the sunlight seems to coat the leaves, perhaps with a subtle golden glow. This adds depth to the imagery, to make a reader feel as though they are witnessing this moment firsthand.

The final line, "sunset cuddles elm," beautifully personifies the sun and the elm tree. This personification creates a warm and intimate tone, as if nature itself is embracing the tree in a tender moment. The choice of "cuddles" evokes a sense of comfort and affection.

"Haiku: "Gentle Light""  achieves a remarkable harmony between its elements. The softness of the language mirrors the gentle play of light and shade, creating a tranquil atmosphere. However, one suggestion for further development could be to explore variations in the final line to deepen the emotional impact. For example, "sunset embraces elm" or "sunset cradles elm" might evoke slightly different feelings, adding another layer to your haiku's tone.

Editing a poem can be the more tiresome, tedious task. You’ve done well to breathe life through revision that successfully captures a serene moment in nature with your haiku. It effectively employs active and descriptive language to create a strong connection to its subject and theme, all while maintaining a poetic tone of tenderness and harmony.

Well done,

Brian
Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Group
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ben,

I did and then didn’t and now do review case ‘colors’. Used to be a requirement with some reviewing groups. And now I see something else: how to spot gifted moderator writers…by their lower community recognition! *Laugh*

The 22 people who answered ‘toast’ basically skipped the poll, or really did have toast. *Think* The multiple choices seem to cover it all, even without breakfast options.

Early on, I thought moderators were to be seen and not heard. Took awhile to catch on.

The true divisions are amid your ranks. I was segregated for 14 years here. Still challenging the status quo. *fighthepower* Maybe, ironically. *RollEyes*

True question: was the inspiration for your poll based on a lack of attention to your and/or other’s written offerings? I’m sure there’s a poll out there complaining about Writing ML. I’m a copy and paste guy.

Lots of response for a 14-year-old poll, soooo… Mods, recog rank or no, get love. *Peace2*

Brian
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear WriterRick ,

I had the pleasure of discovering your poem, "Immortality ! Or ?” and would like to share my thoughts and feedback of your poem that explores notions of immortality versus mortality. I felt you handled the theme with thoughtfulness and good introspection.

Without a doubt that title caught my eye and found it a wonderful use of short expression that adds emotion from the get go. Your style in this poem is characterized by its contemplative and reflective tone. The language you use I found to be elegant and evocative, which effectively complements the theme. The poem's structure, with its rhyming quatrains, provides a sense of rhythmic consistency, enhancing the flow of those verses.

The theme of immortality and its implications for the human experience is a timeless and philosophical one. You delve into the idea of living beyond time's embrace, which has intrigued humanity for centuries. The poem questions whether immortality is truly a gift or a curse and prompts readers like me to consider the value of mortality. It sent me to thoughts up uploading our brains to scontinue on to the expansion of a time element. Can medicine with the help of AI really find a way to stop all diseases, extending life greatly?

Furthermore, I discover your use of poetic devices in this poem, such as metaphor and personification, is noteworthy. The comparison of immortality to an "endless, endless sea" effectively conveys the idea of infinite years, while the personification of immortality yearning for rest in the night adds depth and complexity to your theme.

Your poem effectively highlights the contrast between the desire for immortality and the beauty found in life's fleeting moments. Lines like "For life's true beauty lies in its fleeting grace" eloquently capture the essence of the poem, emphasizing the preciousness of mortality.

One suggestion for improvement might be to consider varying the line length or stanza structure in parts of the poem to create a more dynamic visual and rhythmic effect. This could add variety to the reading experience and emphasize certain key points or transitions within the poem. I often read aloud so I can imagine how a reader might experience it. These creations born in us are personal and often don't intend to translate to others, as it feels true to self. It does take a little refinment and adjustment to hone one's craft in order to better communicate our beauties with others that they might appreciate, too.

There is a possibility to explore the emotions or experiences of those who seek immortality in more depth. What drives their desire for eternal life? What do they sacrifice or gain in their pursuit? Adding more insight into the motivations and consequences could add emotional depth to this poem.

In the final stanza, where you encourage readers to "embrace the fleeting moments," the message of finding joy in the impermanence of life is clear and powerful. To further enhance this message, you could provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the beauty and richness of these fleeting moments.

I find a reflective and philosophical poem that explores the timeless theme of immortality over destiny mortality. May you consider notions about form experimentation with line length, and also, looking deeper into emotions and experiences felt by those who seek immortality. A very worthy concept for poem.

This was a considerable topic for poetry to have been influenced by. Thank your for how you express and share these thoughts in your poetic offering.

Sincerely,

Brian
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for entry "Words" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen ,

I enjoyed reading your poem, "Words" , and wanted to share my thoughts and feedback. This poem is thoughtful and introspective with its approach that explores the power and impact of one’s words.

Your style is notable for its clarity and simplicity. The language you employed felt familiar and accessible to me, making for an easy read, as it engages within the scope of its theme. The poem's structure, with rhyming quatrains, added a sense of rhythm and consistency to pace the piece. I found the rhythmic quality auditorally complemented the poetic theme of words in how they flow and impact upon our lives.

The theme of the poem, the significance of words and the consequences they carry, is a universally relevant and thought-provoking one. You effectively convey the idea that words have the potential to nourish or wound, to uplift or harm. This especially resonates with people like me because it speaks to the responsibility that comes with communication. It's a very difficult one.

The use of poetic devices, such as alliteration in "pompous prance," adds a touch of musicality to the poem. It highlights the playfulness of words with the dance of a pen across the page. The metaphor of words being both nourishment and a weapon is powerful and a vivid image that reinforces throughout.

One suggestion I have for improvement is to consider expanding on the consequences of words in real-life situations. You've introduced the idea that words can have positive or negative impacts, but providing concrete examples or anecdotal evidence could make the theme even more relatable and emotionally resonant with your audience, reviewers or contest judges. It gave me pause to consider familiar and relatable scenarios that don’t take up much of the space alotted here, as it could help a reader connect on a deeper level with the poem’s message. And how one would approach that. Editing like this is daunting. I usually go to the next writing and consider information like this to approach.

Additionally, it concludes with a thought-provoking question, "Would you rather say the fact? Or keep in silence so that none would react?" It’s the type of question that echoes a thought from my own father, “think about what you say before you say it.’ Anecdotally, something like that can fit with theme. But your question is a strong ending, but would also suggest consider elaborating on it or offering some reflection on choices people make regarding their words. Expanding on this idea could add depth to the poem's conclusion. The end is fine, it's just what preceeds it.

What a well-crafted poem that explores the power of language and the choices we make when we communicate. Its impact can be even stronger, should you revisit. My offered suggestions usually center around giving poets or any writer something to consider before writing that next gem. It's advice that's helped me grow from this environment and has shaped me during my time here.

It’s a pleasure to read your work and have this chance to communicate my reaction and share.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of The Photograph  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear 💙 Carly ,

I had the pleasure of reading your poem, "A Photograph," and appreciate the opportunity to offer my thoughts and feedback. This poem explores themes of memory, nostalgia, and the power of photographs to rekindle emotions and memories.

The style of your poem is reflective and contemplative, which aligns well with the theme of revisiting memories from the past. The language you use was evocative, allowing this reader to immerse in the emotions and sensations of the moment. The added benefit of the poem's free verse structure provided flexibility in conveying the emotions and thoughts of the speaker.

The theme of the poem revolves around the discovery of an old photograph, which serves as a portal to memories long buried and forgotten. The poem beautifully captures the power of photographs to transport us back in time and evoke strong emotions. It also explores the idea that, despite the passage of years, love and its memories can remain vivid and timeless.

One notable poetic device in your poem is personification. You personify time, suggesting that it has shifted and that the memories are buried deep within it. This personification adds a layer of depth to the poem and reinforces the idea that time is not just a passive entity but one that can affect and hold memories. This especially was pleasent to consider.

The poem effectively conveyed the sense of nostalgia and bittersweet emotions that often accompany revisiting the past. Lines like "But our hearts know different — / For love, it was just yesterday" capture the sentiment that love and its memories can endure beyond the boundaries of time.

To further enhance your poem, you might consider experimenting with the arrangement of lines or stanzas to create a more dynamic visual and rhythmic effect. This could add variety to the reading experience and emphasize certain key moments or transitions within the poem. Centering a poem might be less effective in helping the eyes go to that next line.

This offering successfully conveyed the emotions of the discovery, but could benefit from some expansion on the speaker's response or actions. What does the\is person do after rediscovering the photograph? How do they feel and how does it affect their relationship or outlook on life? Expanding on these aspects could provide a deeper connection for readers.

What a poignant and emotionally resonant poem you’ve offered, exploring the power of memories and the role of photographs in rekindling the past. It was a pleasure to read and consider your offering, and I thank you for sharing it in our writing community.

Sincerely,

Brian
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Louis Williams ,

I've read your poem, "Ivy Tower Prophets"  and I appreciate the opportunity to offer my thoughts and feedback. This poem explores a political and philosophical theme with a clear message, and it employs several poetic devices effectively.

The style of your poem is direct and unapologetic, which matches the subject matter well. It conveys a sense of frustration and criticism towards those in positions of influence and power who prioritize their own agendas over their responsibilities. The language you use, particularly in phrases like "feeble thrones" and "discard all those intolerant you come near," creates a stark contrast between those in the ivory tower and the rest of society.

The subject of the poem, critiquing individuals in positions of authority or influence who neglect their responsibilities for personal gain or political point-scoring, is a pertinent and thought-provoking one. It addresses issues of moral responsibility and ethical leadership, which are important in both political and philosophical discussions.

Poetic devices, such as metaphor and personification, were employed skillfully to convey the poem's message. The comparison of the ivy tower prophets to ants and the idea of "chosen ignorance" effectively illustrated to me the disconnect between those in power and the suffering of those affected by their decisions. These devices enhance the impact of the poem. It should do well with your readerhip.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider providing more specific examples or details that illustrate the behavior and actions of the "ivy tower prophets." Offering concrete instances or anecdotes could make the critique more relatable and provide a stronger foundation for the poem's message. It's something I've oft ignored when passionately inspired by a write and realize the importance of connecting feelings with impetus that help a reader relate, or connect the dots.

Another thought I had, while the poem's direct and confrontational style serves its purpose, you might also experiment with subtler imagery or metaphors to add depth to the critique. This could provide a more nuanced perspective on the subject. This theme could be threaded by images and metaphors that sync up to intone what you offer.

In the final two lines, where you mention "grasping their forged crown," you effectively highlight the self-serving nature of the ivy tower prophets. To further emphasize this point, you could expand on the consequences of their actions or the impact on society as a whole.

In conclusion, "Ivy Tower Prophets" is a straightforward and critical poem that addresses an important political and philosophical theme and it bears repeating amidst the passivity of a society/world that is distracted with less important things. To enhance overall impact, consider providing those specific examples or more nuanced imagery to illustrate the behavior of those in power.

I appreciate you sharing this with this writing community and was my pleasure to read and lend feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of ADHD  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Q,

This is easy to relate to, being diagnosed late in life, recognizing these types of symptoms you desribe in your poem, "ADHD" . The colorful text seemed like something that poet felt was needed to highlight the chaotic nature of ADHD, though I think it could be punctuated even greater through large and small letters, staggered text and long run on to short lines. Just some of my initial thoughts on consuming this.

"ADHD" is heartfelt in an attempt to shed light on the experience of living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It truly show me how difficult it is to organize throught and show the experience through text, though the impetus and inspiration to push through this poem to conclusion is lauded. It's commendable that you addresses mental health awareness through your work in this way.

Here's feedback on the theme and execution of the poem:

1. Theme and Relevance:
The theme of ADHD and its impact on the individual is a crucial and relevant topic. It's essential to raise awareness about mental health conditions like ADHD, and this poem aims to do just that. There are moments where I felt, been there, it's like that. The rush of hyeractivity to the thoughts 'replay over and over' and there was the resulting depression. It skips a step or two, between there's anxiety felt and then frustrated meeting hurdles and walls to needed satisfaction, lacking completeness, being misunderstood and alone, and then depression. It can affect some differently, but ultimately, your poem has some of the needed points to get the message across.

2. Structure and Format:
The use of multicolored lines/words interchanging throughout the poem is a creative way to convey the sense of restlessness and constant motion associated with ADHD. However, there are some formatting issues, such as missing spaces and typographical errors (e.g., "Youâre" should be "You're"). Ensuring proper formatting and grammar is essential to maintain clarity and readability.

3. Imagery:
The poem effectively employs imagery to describe the racing thoughts and constant movement associated with ADHD. Phrases like "mind is like a thousand fluttering wings going in different directions" vividly depict the inner experience.

4. Emotion and Empathy:
The poem conveys the emotional struggle of someone with ADHD, especially the frustration and fear of not being understood. This emotional depth allows readers to empathize with this narrator's perspective.

5. Clarity and Flow:
While the poem captures the essence of ADHD, some lines could benefit from rephrasing or restructuring for improved clarity and flow. For instance, "But how can you understand something like ADHD" might be made more concise and direct. You addressing the reader requires clarity, precision, which are not the traits of someone wrestling with thoughts through ADHD. Sometimes, emphasizing the confusion with rambnling thoughts and sentences might also effectively state this notion, if handled correctly.

6. Length and Detail:
The poem is concise, which can be effective in delivering message. However, adding a bit more detail or specific examples could provide a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by those with ADHD. In fact, it also could be shorter without the tell, and more impactful with more metaphor and illustration by imagery and the odd lines and use of symbols or large and small caps to add to what your started out with.

7. Positive Note:
The closing line, "You a colourful butterfly," offers a positive image, suggesting that the unique characteristics associated with ADHD can be seen as beautiful, like the colorful wings of a butterfly. This is a hopeful and uplifting note to end on. The color of the text reminds me of the rainbow movement, and only gave me that thought temporarily, neither negatively or positively enhanced theme of poem.

You offer a poignant poem that effectively addresses a theme of mental health awareness. To improve it, better formatting would draw reader's eyes and to clean up grammar issues so they're not tripped up. Refining some lines for clarity, and possibly expanding on specific experiences related to ADHD would be most beneficial to the poem's effective theme.

Overall, this has raw potential and sorely needed to create greater awareness and understanding of a condition that affects the likes of us. I went looking for writings like this and was not disappointed with what I've found here. I'm appreciative and thankful to have reader and lent my thoughts, if it will help in any way.

Brian

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Review of Yellow Stone  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Sindbad,

The subject of Yellowstone national park caught my eye. My family is from South Dakota and we even recently visited the park and an immensely historic, eye-catching region. I thought I could illuminate you further about your short article abd contest entry. Maybe, you’ll revisit for another edit one day.

You might not have a chance to take in the breathtaking beauty and wonder of this area brimming with activity, wildlife and unique old towns. It boasts so much, you could fill 100s of books on Yellowstone, though you said you avoided geography in school.

boasts so much more than can meet the eye from the bison that roam a natural preserve to Devils rock mountain, a massive flat peak, to the train ride of the area, to Black Elk, a challenging hike that’s enjoyed by many.

Reading your item really gave me a laugh when you noted, "Careful though as the bison is not nearly as friendly as it might appear in the pictures !!!"

YES! And it happened to us. A buffalo horned the tire on the road through the preserve. Fortunately we were able to drive away from the 100 or so horned, walking wooly mammoth type beasts. Got the tire changed and got home the next day.

We got stuck by slow traffic and buffalo weaving through our convoy to go lay in grass beneath a setting sun on a 95 degree day. My wife moved the vehicle too soon...Right where a dent was recently repaired. he lowered his head and rammed it into our wheel well.

I tried to warn her but I knew he missed the spot that was fixed. I also knew we needed to get somewhere safe because in two minutes, we were unable to drive with a flat, horned tire. Ordeal getting a tire replaced on vacation.

Also, the preserve has donkeys you can walk up to and pet, or hug as my littlest one demonstrated.

Your article about Yellowstone National Park shows some elements of good storytelling, but areas for improvement were great. It's clear that English may not be your first language, but here are four things that could make this article better:

1. Clarity and Structure: The article lacks a clear structure. It starts with a personal anecdote but doesn't follow a logical flow. To improve it, the author could begin with an introduction about Yellowstone National Park, followed by personal experiences and observations, and conclude with overall impressions.

2. Grammar and Language Use: The author's language use needs improvement. There are grammatical errors and awkward sentences that hinder the readability. For example, "The beautiful part is that among the earth here being angry /beautiful" should be rewritten as "What's fascinating is that amidst the earth's fury, there's beauty."

3. Details and Descriptions: While the author mentions some unique features of Yellowstone, such as geysers and wildlife, the descriptions lack depth. Adding specific details, like the names of geysers, notable wildlife encounters, and the park's size, would enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.

4. Engaging the Reader: The article could benefit from more engagement with the reader. For instance, the author mentions the unpredictable weather but could elaborate on how it impacted the trip or share tips for dealing with it. Additionally, personal anecdotes and emotions can help readers connect with the narrative.

Regarding article length, at 450 words, it falls short of providing a comprehensive overview of Yellowstone National Park. To make it more informative, the author could include information about the park's history, conservation efforts, and visitor tips, expanding it to around 800-1000 words.

There's even a series about Yellowstone now with Kevin Costner. What you could also have mentioned:

Besides the park wild and lake itself, it's not far from many historic locations, like an iconic national monument, Mount Rushmore. What’s great about it is you can walk right up and under their noses of the four chiseled faces of those presidents, in a beautiful preserve. The area boasts so many rock cliffs like Rushmore, one wonders how that location was chosen. There’s the massive elk’s Peak, great challenge for hikers. Beware of them rattlers! Also, Deadwood is another much talked about old western area that many famous people passed through, definitely plenty to see and do in that area.

In summary, the article conveys enthusiasm for Yellowstone, but would benefit from structural improvements, better language use, more vivid descriptions, and adding waaayyy more detail about park abd the area, Expanding the content to cover a wider range of topics related to the park would make it more informative and engaging.

Happy to find this piece and relive/reconsider the experiences and keepsake memories we share. Hope you get to travel and experience it one day.

Brian

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Review of Garden Heart  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Poet,

I came across your poem, " Garden Heart"  and it's apparent that you've crafted a piece that fits well within the genres of environment, children's, and teen poetry. Your offering gave me some thoughts to consider and suggestions for possible improvement.

The form of your poem is straightforward and comprehendable, which aligns with the children's and teen genres. The short stanzas and simple language make it easy for younger readers to engage with what you have designed. The theme of nature and the garden seemed very apt and a charming choice, as it should resonate with natural curiosity in children and teenagers.

Your use of descriptive language to paint a picture of the garden is commendable. Lines like "Soft, Red Rose petals fall to the ground" and "Green Budded Leaves Hanging off the trees" create vivid imagery that allows the reader to envision the scene. This sensory detail is essential to these genres of poetry as i felt it should help capture their imagination.

The poem's focus on the beauty of nature and the changing seasons is a positive and educational message for young readers. It encourages them to appreciate the world around them and also fosters a sense of wonder for our environment.

To improve the poem, you might consider expanding on the emotions or personal connection to the garden. Adding a stanza that expresses the speaker's feelings or thoughts while lying in the garden could make the poem more relatable and emotionally engaging for young readers. For example, you could describe the speaker's sense of peace, happiness, or inspiration while in the garden.

You might also experiment with a varied rhyme scheme or more rhythmic patterns. I find the current rhyme scheme is AABB, but you might explore other options to add musicality and variation to the poem. For instance, using an ABAB or ABCB rhyme scheme in some stanzas can create a pleasant rhythm with some variation.

You might also think about revisiting the title. While "Garden Heart" has a dreamy, romantic feel that caught my attention, I wonder if it’s suitable. You might explore titles that capture the essence of the poem's message or theme more vividly, a title that sparks curiosity or invites readers into the garden imagery that could enhance the poem's appeal.

"Garden Heart" was a delightful read as a poem designed to entertain children and teens while celebrating the beauty of nature. Dving deeper into those emotive details and experimenting with a variation on those rhyme schemes, you can possibly further enhance the poem's overall charm, appeal and impact on your intended young reading audience.

A pleasure to have read this. The best to your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Izabella (Haiku)  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear MIKEL ,

I had the pleasure of reading your poem, " Izabella (Haiku)"  which appears to capture the birth of your granddaughter. This heartfelt expression of joy and admiration is touching. I'll offer this review with my provided my thoughts of the poem and some suggestions for improvement at the end.

The form of your poem is concise and focused, employing a double haiku structure with two brief verses. This brevity enhances the impact of the moment you're conveying. Each stanza provides a snapshot of your granddaughter's appearance, creating a vivid mental image for the reader.

The theme of celebrating the birth of a granddaughter is beautiful and heartwarming. It's a moment of pure joy and admiration, and you've captured it succinctly in your poem. The use of descriptive language like "pouty, hard-pressed lips" and "thin strands of hair" allowed this reader to share in your wonder and awe at this new life.

The choice of the name "Izabella" adds a personal touch to the poem and gives it a sense of intimacy. It feels like you're speaking directly to your granddaughter, celebrating her unique features and beauty. What's beautiful about it is that it will be a keepsake to treasure and share when she's old enough to read and appreciate its quality from a doting grandfather.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider expanding on the emotional depth of the poem. You could delve into the emotions and thoughts that this moment evokes for you as a grandparent. What does this birth mean to you, and how has it impacted your life? Adding a stanza that reflects on the significance of this event from a personal perspective could add depth and relatability.

Another suggestion is to experiment with the imagery and metaphor. While your descriptions are vivid, you might consider using metaphors or similes to compare your granddaughter's features to something else, which can create layers of meaning and enhance the poem's richness. For example, you could compare her eyes to "closed petals" or her nose to "a delicate seashell." These are just my words. What you have offered are your response during a wondrous time. If you should revisit or craft other poetry, these are elements to consider when drafting something new.

Lastly, consider the title of the poem. "Izabella" is a suitable title, but you might explore options that provide a glimpse into the poem's theme or emotional core. A well-chosen title can draw readers in and set the tone for the piece. Something I like to do is two title a poem. One really serves as a description line, a subtitle or just a brief introduction that seems like part of the poem. There are so many thoughts and experiences when we write, that new and emerging title/thoughts seem to want to tack themselves on. Blame it on the muses. But, I find it all good if it fits and lends to the write. Obviously, these are just suggestions. I couldn't point you directly to anything I can think of other than a blog poem called "Potatoes" that I recently had published in a state calender offered by the Wisconsin Fellowship of Poets (plug). Or, was it "Aim, Misfired"? It won first in the Shadows and Light Poetry contest last month. Can't recall. Oh, well.

Your poem is a tender and celebratory offering that captures a beautiful moment in the birth of a granddaughter. By exploring the emotions more deeply, experimenting with metaphor, and considering the title, you can further enhance the poem's impact. Congratulations on both births!

My best to you,

Brian
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Review of Profound  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear pamela

I had the privilege of encountering your poem " Profound"  today, and appreciate its evocative imagery and exploration of profound experiences. Here are my thoughts on the poem, along with some suggestions for improvement.

Your poem's style is concise and to the point, using short lines to convey a sense of urgency and intensity. The repetition of words like "piercing," "profound," and "life" adds emphasis and rhythm to the verses, effectively drawing the reader's attention.

The theme of seeking deeper understanding and enlightenment is clear and relatable. I experience this as a purpose of writing, whenever these words flow from my fingers. I can feel or sense the writer’s process in this way.

One suggestion for improvement is to expand on the imagery and metaphors used in the poem. You can go deeper with describing the shadows, waves, fog, and mist to create a more connected experience for the reader. For example, consider adding sensory details that evoke the sensation of these elements. How do the shadows feel? What is the sound of the crashing waves? How does the mist taste or smell? By engaging more of the reader's senses, you can intensify the emotional impact of the poem.

Another suggestion is to provide more context or narrative to clarify the speaker's journey toward profound understanding. Why are they seeking answers, and what motivates them to want to "know all the answers" and "become mist"? Providing a glimpse into the speaker's personal experiences or struggles can help readers connect with the poem on a deeper level.

And, consider experimenting with the structure of your poem. While the short, fragmented lines work well for conveying urgency, you might also explore variations in line length or stanza structure to add visual interest and enhance the flow of the poem. Sometimes, it’s just reading it aloud that helps formulate that structure. You could use longer lines to slow down the pace and offer moments of reflection within the poem.

I find "Profound" has potential, by showcasing a desire for deeper understanding and insight. Expanding on imagery, giving some added context, and experimenting with this structure can enhance impact for your followers and create something they fully relate with and respond to.

My best to you,

Brian
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174
174
Review of Circle  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Anni Pon

I was struck by the simplicity and depth of your shaped poem, "Circle" . It's concise, yet it encapsulates a profound theme - the cyclical nature of life. The visual representation of the circular shape reinforces this idea brilliantly.

Your choice of the repeated phrases "Life is a circle" and "There is no beginning / There is no ending" effectively emphasizes the eternal and unbroken nature of life's cycle. This repetition creates a rhythmic quality that mirrors the circular motion you're describing. It's a powerful poetic device that enhances the theme of your poem.

The use of directional cues In, Out and Out, In guides the read through a journey, reinforcing this idea of cycles. It's akin to a mantra, drawing the reader into the meditation on life's continuous flow.

To be so bold to suggest things for improvement, you might consider getting deeper into the emotional aspect of this cycle. Explore the feelings and experiences associated with reaching the top, where one must "breathe in while the air is thin," and reaching the bottom, where "the air gets too heavy." These moments in life carry significant emotional weight, and delving into them could add depth to the poem.

Another suggestion is to experiment with the visual presentation of the poem. Shaped poems offer a unique canvas for artistic expression. You could play with the font size, spacing, or even the arrangement of words to further emphasize the circular shape and enhance the visual impact. For example, you might consider varying the font size or indentation to visually represent the ascent and descent in the circle. This would not only add an extra layer of symbolism but also engage the reader's eyes more dynamically.

I found your poem to be thought-provoking and effectively conveyed the cyclical nature of life. Its simplicity and repetition were strengths, as I see, but getting into the emotions and experimenting with visual presentation could elevate this beautiful poem further.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer🌟
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175
175
Review of Steady Rhythm  
for entry "Peppermint Kisses" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear PiriPica

"Peppermint Kisses"

I discovered this poem on your blog today and was drawn in by the evocative title, from the prompt-themed contest. It's a delicate piece that beautifully captures a wintry scene infused with longing and nostalgia. The poem has its strengths, and areas where it could be refined for an even more impactful experience.

The style of "Peppermint Kisses"  is lyrical and vivid, effectively paints a picture of a cold, secretive rendezvous. The imagery of "Peppermint kisses hidden in the dark" immediately sets the tone, and the contrast between the crisp air and "secretive hearts" creates a palpable sense of mystery and desire.

Your theme of longing and separation is noticeably prevalent throughout the poem. It explores that idea of love in winter, where the weather mirrors emotional distance between these lovers. This theme is a powerful one and resonates with me on the level where I too have experienced the bittersweetness of love.

You’ve made effective use of sensory details, helping this reader connect in that wintry atmosphere. Phrases like "Only a breeze moves" and "Puff of air so still" provide a sense of quiet/hush, enhancing that connective detail to the scene. The contrast between the cold exterior and the warmth of the hearth adds depth to the imagery, as I’m familiar with this atmosphere.

Looking deeper, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the overall impact of the poem. One thought is to consider revising the line "Owls hoot like spies." While it adds an element of mystery, it could be made more vivid by describing the owl's hooting in a way that directly connects to the theme of secrecy and longing. You can persuade that hooter with this narrative perception using a similar word that more evocatively suggests its utterance/ presence (they also stare with that mobile neck). Just not ‘hoot’?

Secondly, the transition from the wintry scene to "chocolate and warmth" could be made smoother. Exploring the emotional journey of your characters as they move from the cold darkness to the cozy hearth could deepen the poem's emotional resonance. Just a bridge to transport?

Lastly, the poem concludes with "Polar opposites are the sources of joy," which is a thought-provoking line. It might benefit from further exploration or clarification to ensure readers fully grasp its significance. Perhaps, reconsider its meaning to the author and offer a way to express to the unknowing reader a way that they might fully interpret, feed this into the overall context of the poem’s meaning.

In conclusion, "Peppermint Kisses" is a heartfelt poem that skillfully captures the essence of a wintry romance. For me, nostalgically. With some refinements in imagery and thematic development, i see potential to create an even more immersive and emotionally resonant experience to connect with your fans. Keep up the excellent work. I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!


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