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True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
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Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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201
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Miss Writer :

"Title:- The Dance of Time"  is a beautifully composed poem that skillfully explores concept of time as an ephemeral dance. Its structure and flow contribute to its charm, but there are some areas where improvement can enhance the overall impact.

Meter and Rhyme:
The poem follows a consistent AABB rhyme scheme, which adds a musical quality. However, consider incorporating occasional variations in rhyme to maintain reader engagement. For instance, in the fourth stanza, you could use a slant rhyme to create a subtle shift.

Suggestion: "Time's symphony plays, near and far,
A melodic tune like a distant star."

Length of Stanzas:
The stanzas are relatively uniform in length, which provides a sense of balance. To create more contrast and emphasize key points, try varying the stanza lengths. Shorter stanzas can emphasize profound moments, while longer ones can provide a sense of continuity.

Suggestion: Consider shortening stanzas to emphasize impactful lines, such as the last stanza.

Theme Conveyance:
Imagery: The poem effectively uses imagery to convey the theme of time as a dance. However, it can benefit from more vivid and unique imagery to capture the reader's imagination. For example, in the second stanza, you could paint a more colorful picture of time's rhythm.

Suggestion: "In every breath, with every beat,
Time's rhythm, a waltz of swift, nimble feet."

Symbolism: While the poem alludes to the emotions associated with time, it can delve deeper into symbolic representations. For instance, you could use symbolism to represent joy, pain, and love as distinct dancers in the dance of time.

Suggestion: "Joy pirouettes, Pain waltzes by,
Love leads the dance, reaching for the sky."

Metaphors: Explore metaphors to enrich the theme further. Comparing time to a dance is a great start, but extending this metaphor can evoke more profound emotions.

Suggestion: "Time's dance, a river, ever flowing,
Carrying us on its currents, unknowing."

Overall, I found "The Dance of Time" to be a graceful poem with a compelling theme. By incorporating variations in rhyme, experimenting with stanza lengths, you might find a better read. Deepening the use of imagery, symbolism, and metaphors to fully capture the essence of time's dance would truly impact what already is a beautiful poem. Perhaps, the suggestions can help engage readers on a deeper level and make the poem even more memorable.

This was a joy to consume and consider as I thought about how to appreciate your poem on this level and give it further attention, should you decide to move forward with any revisions. Thank you for sharing and allowing this opportunity to send feedback,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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202
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Gustav Flint ,

"The Cycle of Sorrow"  is a poignant poem that effectively conveyed the cyclical nature of societal suffering and the passing of responsibility from one generation to the next. The poem employed a consistent structure, utilizing repetition and variation to emphasize its theme.

Here are some highlights:

Repetition
The repetition of the phrases "Today, and tomorrow" serves as a powerful structural device, highlighting the recurring nature of societal issues. It underscores the idea that problems persist unless addressed.

Evocative Imagery
he use of fields as a recurring setting adds depth to the poem. It symbolizes both a gathering place for expressing discontent and the consequences of inaction when left barren.

Symbolism
The poem effectively uses symbolism to represent the passing of responsibility from one generation to the next. The shift from "we" to "they" and the call for the young ones to be "bold" carry profound meaning.

What could use reconsideration:

1. Repetitive Phrasing: While repetition is a strength, it can also lead to a sense of predictability. To enhance the poem, consider introducing more variation within the repeated lines to maintain engagement.

2. Vague Distaste: The poem expresses "distaste" for the world without delving into the specific issues or reasons behind it. Adding more concrete details or examples could make the poem more relatable and impactful.

3. Punctuation and Line Breaks: The poem could benefit from more strategic punctuation and line breaks to guide the reader's pacing and emphasize key moments or ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

Clarify the Message: Expand on the reasons for the "distaste" expressed in the poem. Offering specific societal issues or challenges would make the theme more concrete.

Vary Repetition: While repetition is a central element, introduce some variation in phrasing or structure within the repeated lines to maintain reader interest.

Enhance Punctuation: Use punctuation strategically to control the rhythm and emphasize key moments. Experiment with line breaks to create pauses for reflection.

In summary, your poem effectively conveys its central theme through repetition, imagery, and symbolism. To improve, it can provide more clarity on the issues addressed, vary those repetitive elements, and refine punctuation and line breaks for that affect pleasure of the read.

It was a pleasure to read this and consider what I could offer by way of feedback. I hope it was helpful,

Brian
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203
Review of wearing my body  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Charlie Carrol ,

"wearing my body"  is a thought-provoking prose poem that delves into the complex theme of ownership and autonomy over one's own body. The poem explores the idea that, despite the appearance of control, the body is not entirely one's own but subject to societal expectations and external influences. It struck me to consider that for a moment.

The central theme of body ownership is effectively expressed through the use of vivid and symbolic imagery. The comparison of the speaker's skin to a peach and the mention of weeping sweet sticky sap create a sensory experience for the reader, while evoking vulnerability and fragility.

The form as a prose poem is well-suited to its contemplative and introspective nature. The lack of traditional line breaks allows for a continuous flow of thoughts and reflections, emphasizing the narrator's inner dialogue and personal exploration. Often times, I do this, but still break up the text. Can't get comfortable with it.

However, with every poem I read, I task myself with offering some suggestions and there might be some areas where the poem can be improved, should the author choose:

1. Clarity and Structure: While the prose form allows for a stream-of-consciousness style, the narrative could benefit from a slightly clearer structure to guide the reader through the speaker's evolving thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, we need those pauses at the right moments to punctuate what was just revealed, or to pause a bit to consider.

2. Stylistic Consistency: Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout the poem. The transition from a contemplative tone in the beginning to a more intimate and sensual tone in the middle and the return to introspection at the end could be smoothed out for a more cohesive narrative, should you choose. It's always personal in these cases and difficult. But, you have the original and something to experiment with, to see if the experience can be heightened, new revelations revealed.

3. Punctuation: Be mindful of punctuation to enhance the flow and comprehension. Some sentences are long and could be broken into shorter, more digestible segments for improved readability. With long lines and no stop signs or yields, the pace can be fast, or thick and slow. Read aloud, it's possible to hear where the words long to hesitate, or how they flow like a stream.

Overall, "Wearing My Body" is a compelling exploration of the concept of body ownership and the societal pressures that influence it. With some refinement in structure and stylistic consistency, it can become an even more powerful and thought-provoking piece of prose poetry. That's up to you. I liked it. Lending a few extra observations that could even apply to the next thing your write,. Who knows? We're all learning as we go. Reviewing helps me with digesting and breaking down words to comprehend and understand from the many different styles and ideals out there that can influence writing.

It was a pleasure to read and offer this feedback,

Brian
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Review of Great and blue  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Rapunzel

I discovered your poem "Great and blue"  on the review pages and wanted to read and consider for feedback.

"Great And Blue" captures a spontaneous moment encountering a bird while driving and reflects on the unexpected joys in life. I often have these types of revelations that cause me to put everything aside and just witness, at times like this. Your poem effectively conveys the sense of curiosity and appreciation for nature's beauty in an ordinary setting.

What Works:
Authenticity: The poem feels genuine and personal, creating a connection with this reader through the speaker's candid narration of the experience. I really connected.

Imagery: The descriptions of the bird and the surroundings are vividly offered here. The image of the bird spreading its wings and taking off into the grey sky is particularly evocative. I love words that can help envision an image as I read.

Pacing: I found pacing is appropriate for the contemplative nature of the poem. It allows the reader to absorb the moment and emotions in something like real time.

Narrative: The narrative structure of the poem, recounting a real-life event, adds authenticity and relatability. And, as I said, I connected because I've done this, too.

With every poem, I task myself to suggest places for improvement. Here's what I have:

{c}1. Clarity and Flow: While the poem has a conversational tone, some sentences could benefit from improved flow and clarity. For example, the line "I don't think you're where you're supposed to be" could be rephrased for smoother readability. Though, nitpicking on statement, because it's true to what someone would say.

2. Stanza Breaks: Consider breaking the poem into stanzas to visually structure the narrative and guide the reader through the different stages of the encounter with the bird. I've experimented with line breaks in such a way that action is shown in the text. If you can find a way to make the read look and sound like a bird flapping, you've really done something. I can do waves, that's about it.

3. Exploration of Emotion: While the poem touches on the idea of joy in accidental discoveries, it could delve deeper into the emotional impact of this encounter. Explore how this moment affects the speaker on a more profound level. We're all affected differently, from questioning our own existence to relationships to the type of day it was. I usually try to end a poem somehow on that note, maybe even connecting with short words and phrases throughout. It gets deeper.

Overall, your poem successfully captures a fleeting, serendipitous moment and offers a relatable reflection on finding beauty in unexpected places. If you choose to enhance the poem, focus on refining the flow, introducing stanza breaks, and delving deeper into the emotional resonance of the experience to engage the reader more fully.

I still give it five stars because it is impactful as delivered. There are a few poems that are considered perfection. They get fives. Probably everyone used to teach a university level course. Some reviewers here are comparing everyone to Keats or T.S. Elliot. We/I grade on a scale here and what I go for is what moves me. And this does. I'm sure you no 'newbie' to poetry. Great job!

Brian
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205
Review of heavenly angel  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I found your poem "heavenly angel"  on the Plug Page and gave it a look over. This poem title and it's description grabbed me, 'about someone special that makes you feel like no one else'. We could all use someone like that in our lives, the good kind.

Here I'll summarize poem, what it captured poetically and what might be improved upon considering from all angles, in hopes it will help convey this message more effectively.

Heavenly Angel

You are the beautiful heavenly angel,
with a glow, brighter than the sun,
when ever you smile,
the world lights up,
your beauty has no equal,
you're beautiful the way you are,
my beautiful heavenly angel,
my one, and only...one.



What I find Heavenly Angel attempts is to capture the essence of someone special who brings unparalleled joy and radiance to the one's life. However, it currently falls into the trap of sounding overly cliché, akin to a greeting card sentiment. To convey this message more effectively while avoiding clichés, there can be several ways to make improvements.

First, the poem's imagery and descriptions are overly familiar. Phrases like "brighter than the sun" and "the world lights up" are common and lack originality. To make the poem more engaging, the poet in you needs strive for something uniquely exressive and find fresh descriptions that evoke the reader's imagination. Pairing the right two words here and there is all it sometimes takes.

Further, it's crucial to delve deeper into what makes this person special, what wakes the poet. Rather than just stating their beauty, the poet could explore specific qualities, moments, or actions that set this person apart. Personal anecdotes or metaphors that connect the reader to the subject can be more impactful.

To avoid the greeting card tone, the poet should use subtlety and nuance. Instead of explicitly saying, "you're beautiful the way you are," show this through vivid descriptions and actions. Let the reader infer the beauty from the words and emotions conveyed.

Additionally, consider the poem's structure and rhythm. Right now, it has a sing-song quality that adds to its clichéd feel. Experiment with different line lengths, stanza structures, or rhythmic patterns to create a unique and memorable flow.

In summary, to improve "Heavenly Angel," focus on original and vivid descriptions, explore what makes the person special in more depth, use subtlety rather than direct statements, and experiment with the poem's structure and rhythm to make it stand out from clichéd sentiments and resonate more deeply with readers.

I find this poem is find how it stands if given to another. When we share with readers, we are shouting from the hilltops. It can be powerful and moving with just the right words and structure.

Hope this helps. It was a pleasure to read and lend feedback,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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206
Review of Destination  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
In regards to: "Destination"  which I found on the public reviewing pages.

Dear xyxe ,

In the description of your poem that i found on the plug page, you ask the reader if they relate. This teases me to consider.

I’m happy to have discovered your poem. Congrats on capturing the essence of uncertainty and hope in nature's course. I had the overwhelming thought your poem beautifully conveys the universal theme of life's unpredictability.

Of the suggestions i would have for improvement of your great poem include use of poetic devices, reconsideration of length, direction for theme with its nature:

1. Consider expanding on the emotions felt by the personified leaf as it embarks on its journey. This could create a deeper connection with readers.
2. Experiment with different metaphors or descriptive language to evoke even more vivid imagery in your poem.
3. Perhaps explore the idea of fate or destiny further, reflecting on whether the leaf has any control over its path, free will and the human component as it reflects beck on human struggle. This could add another layer of complexity to the narrative.

Im happy to have discovered this illumiating short poem, full of impact from brevity to the connection made to a leaf given human like qualities.

Brian
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207
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Henry George

The short story "Hitting a bullseye"  explores themes of determination and perseverance through the lens of a young archer. While the story has potential, there are several aspects that can be improved to enhance its development.

Story Structure and Formatting:
1. Expand on the protagonist's character development. Provide more insight into Trent's thoughts, feelings, and motivations. This will allow readers to connect with him on a deeper level.

2. Consider breaking the story into clear sections or acts, highlighting the character's progress and challenges. This can provide a better structure to the narrative.

Story Elements and Plot/Theme:
3. Emphasize the significance of hitting the bullseye for Trent. Why is it so important to him? What does it represent in his life? This will add depth to the story's theme of determination.

4. Add more conflict and obstacles. Trent faces some initial challenges, but introducing more hurdles and setbacks can make his eventual success more rewarding.

5. Explore the relationship between Trent and his father. Their dynamic is briefly touched upon, but delving deeper into their interactions can add emotional depth to the story.

Use of Dialogue:
6. Use dialogue to reveal character traits and motivations. Conversations between Trent and other characters can help convey their personalities and the reasons behind their actions.

Conflict Resolution and Story Arc:
7. Develop a clearer conflict resolution. Trent's journey should have a more defined culmination, whether he eventually hits the bullseye or learns an important life lesson.

Falling Action and Conclusion:
8. Consider providing more closure in the falling action and conclusion. Trent's smile at the end suggests satisfaction, but a more explicit resolution or reflection on his growth as a character can give the story a stronger ending.

In summary, to make "Hitting The Bullseye" more engaging and emotionally resonant for readers, focus on character development, adding depth to his motivations, and introducing more obstacles for him to overcome. This will create a more compelling narrative that emphasizes the themes of determination and personal growth.

It was a pleasure to consider for feedback and wish you success in your writing endeavors,

Brian
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208
208
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear xyxe ,

I commed you on your desire to produce a book of children's literature with the use of your poetry, offering on the WDC reviewing pages. I might have some useful suggestions for the lay out of the children’s book notion, ‘I Am Tex the T-Rex'.

For the layout of a children’s book in poetic fashion, I focused mainly on structure, development and content, and would suggest bring this all together to get published.

Breaking it down:
Title: I am Tex the T-Rex

Page 1: T t, Tex. That’s my name. What am i? I’m a T-Rex.

Page 2: I’m big, I’m scary, and I shout out loud. Come on do it with me, let’s go, RAWR! RAWR!! RAWR!!!

Page 3: I have one long tail, and two big feet. two small hands…and I like to eat.

Page 4: I like to eat meat. one in each claw.
I put it in my mouth, my mouth is called a maw.

Page 5: I have many teeth, To eat my food.
Chomp chomp chomp! that’s how I chew.

Page 6: Tex the T-Rex. that is who I am. It was very nice to meet you. I hope to see you again.

It's nicely done. Your children's book idea "I am Tex the T-Rex" has potential. Here are three suggestions to bring it together for publishing:

Structure: Consider a more consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm throughout the book. This will make it more engaging for young readers. For example, you can follow an AABB or ABAB rhyme scheme for each page.

Development: Expand on Tex's adventures or encounters. Create a storyline that allows young readers to follow Tex on an exciting journey or adventure. This will add depth to the character and keep children engaged throughout the book.

Content: Infuse educational elements. Since this is a children's book, you can incorporate fun facts about T-Rexes or the prehistoric world in a playful and informative way. This will not only entertain but also educate young readers.

To bring it all together for publishing, ensure the book maintains a consistent tone and style throughout, making it suitable for its target age group. Additionally, consider including colorful and captivating illustrations that complement the text and help tell Tex's story visually. Finding a good illustrator is essential.

Engaging a skilled illustrator is a key step in making your book visually appealing to children. Also, suggest that you research the children's book publishing market, identify potential publishers or self-publishing options, and prepare a polished manuscript and proposal to pitch your book effectively.

I hope all of this helps. It's a pleasure to consider for feeback and hopefully illuminate the possibilties of your writing in this format.

Best Wishes,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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209
for entry "Haiku: "Gentle Light"" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Jay O'Toole ,

I love reading and reviewing haiku. While form is short, it can be packed with complex detail intoning intent and vision borne out of this age old Japanese poetry approach. Poets who really get it right can illuminate a mind with great inner thought that could go as far as examining existentialism. Having said that, I'm looking at your poem, "Invalid Entry" . Let's put it on the board to examine:

Gentle Light

through the shade to shine
late day sun gives warmest gift
sunset sits with all


There are times when a title can set up a poem well, especially with something as short as a haiku. Your title was most appropriate, almost as if it softened my eyes and soothed my soul before I approached. The words choosen to start the post have alliteration, single syllables, but an inactive verb. The words 'to shine' caused me to stumble, stuck out like a sore thumb. I couldn't suggest ways to repair, just point out what I noticed there. It's difficult to suggest, act as the authority on someone else's words. I'm sure you best know how to deal with it, once something has been pointed out.

Sometimes, I go without articles like 'the' before a word, and it works. Articles can be extraneous. Just ask the Brits. But,{c} 'late day sun gives warmest gift' was also stiff. I wanted to loosen my shoulders, shake it off, give it another read. Flow can be important to a haiku and now it's got me thinking of possible repairs. 'gives' is a weak verb. And jumping down to line three, the verb 'sits' also squats where a more unique, descriptive verb could be the element that fires up your poem, sparks the heart of a reader.

'sunset sits with all'

it's vague? there is alliteration at work. There is simple language, which I like. Descriptiveness, setting might be lacking. Considering: your poem is actually the framework of a scene more like an event. We don't get a sense of season. We can't really imagine ourselves there, unless we fabricate. Fabrication is your role as author here. But, really, what isnpires a haiku? An experience.

Really, there is nothing bad about your poem. On the other end, there is nothing remarkable. Just go with me on this. Poetry is something we write because of something joyous, experience, and all the other stuff that emotes. Haikus are about nature, usually about something that surprises the soul through our eyes. What can a haiku help us visualize?

I think you are capable of approaching another haiku and thinking of a scene that has all these elements. When or where does shade get pushed out by light shine? This might be mid-morning on a cool Autumn day, when the air is dry and the leaves are about to fall in bright array? And that last line is supposed to hit us with a revelation. What could it be about sunset? Oh, yeah. Sunset. We are warmed by it's setting on the horizon, falls over our face. There is a moment there in sunset. I think the poet felt something. I think you can convey it.

This has been intriguing for me. Haikus like this really get us to think about the process. I'm interested in what it takes to motivate a person to haiku. What reward they get from the experience. And, as a reader, what personal experience do we contain, like light, that illuminates memory to help us render a scene near to yours, to immerse ourselves in a poetic experience.

This is all good. You keep up with the haikus. Read a few. Sometimes, inspiration comes from some unusual places. It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poetry. Thank you very much for sharing,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of A Fake Smile  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Survivor48,

In your poem "A Fake Smile"  you embark on a journey to explore the theme of concealing true emotions behind a smiling facade. Through concise verses, you effectively convey the contrast between outward appearances and inner turmoil, shedding light on the complexity of human emotions.

The poem's succeeds in its ability to capture the essence of the theme. It vividly illustrates how a smile, typically associated with happiness and pleasure, can often be a mask concealing a deeper, less cheerful reality. This stark dichotomy between the external portrayal of joy and the internal turbulence beneath is poignant in a reflection of the human experience. Your poem's brevity works to this endeavor, allows it to deliver a concise message with impact. Each line contributes to the overall narrative, building on the idea that emotions, though hidden, are always present, like a simmering volcano on the verge of eruption.

However, I found there might be opportunities for improvement with this as described free verse. While brevity can be powerful, a touch more elaboration could enhance the emotional depth of the poem. For instance, delving further into specific scenarios or feelings that lead to the need for a fake smile might help readers connect more deeply with the experiences being described. Also, the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery or metaphors to evoke a stronger emotional response from readers. Expanding on the idea of "putting a leash on negative emotions" and exploring the consequences of failing to do so could add layers of complexity to the narrative.

In summary, A Fake Smile effectively demonstrated to me its theme of concealing inner turmoil behind a smiling exterior. It serves as a thought-provoking reflection on the human condition, but a bit more detail and vivid imagery is still possible to enhance its emotional impact and engagement for your readers. That's if you return to reconsider and redraft. A pleasure.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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211
211
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Survivor,

In this free verse poem titled "Misery Loves Company," the poet in you conveys several themes and ideas. Overall, the poem's clarity and relatability can resonate with a broad audience, encouraging self-reflection and a deeper understanding of the emotional battles many people face.

It uses Personification with the use of emotions like "misery," "joy," "despair," and "sorrow." It gives these emotions human-like qualities and intentions, portraying them as entities that seek to influence and manipulate. And, there’s the emotional struggle that explores the internal between positive and negative feelings. It depicts how misery and sorrow try to influence a person's decisions, attempting to drag them into sadness.

The poem emphasizes the importance of rejecting the influence of negative emotions and false hope. It suggests that even if the path of happiness appears lonely, it's better to resist the pull of despair and seek genuine joy.

The impact on readers may vary, but I have takeaways that include:

- Reflection: This poem can serve others. Readers may reflect on their own experiences with negative emotions and how they've dealt with them. They might consider the importance of resisting the pull of despair.

- Empowerment: The poem can empower someone to make conscious choices about their emotional well-being, reminding them that they have the right to reject misery and choose happiness.

- Sympathy: Some readers who have faced similar emotional struggles may find solace in the portrayal of these struggles in the poem, knowing that others have felt the same way. We’re not alone.

Overall, I found this relatively clear in its message. It uses straightforward language and metaphors to convey the battle between negative and positive emotions. The message is easy to grasp, allowing readers to connect with the themes and ideas presented.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Cupid's Arrow  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear BlackAdder ,

I discovered "Cupid's Arrow" on the read and review pages, so I’m on the clock! Your sci-fi/romance story raises thought-provoking questions about the nature of love, choice, and the influence of chemicals. I read a narrative that pries at the moral dilemma faced by the protagonist, Tram, grappling with the effects of a mysterious beverage and how it impacts his feelings for Lisa Chang. One of the strongest elements of your short fiction was the ability to create a sense of intrigue and suspense from the very beginning.

The opening scene at Cupid, Inc. introduced me to to a world of secrecy and corporate power, which helped formulate a narrative that I found engaging and thought-provoking. This idea of a state-run corporation using chemical persuasion to foster love adds a very intriguing sci-fi twist to the traditional romance genre…one that brought me back to old movie titles like Love Potion No. 9 (which I’ve never seen, but have assumed premise). Movies then were fantasies of being irresistible to women, thinking we could exploit it (as men), learn our one true love was under our nose the whole time…and she’s hot! Hmm. *Think* But, I digress from those formulaic romcoms.

I felt Tram Fong is well-developed, and his internal struggle adds depth to the story. The conflict he faces between his feelings for Lisa and his loyalty to his girlfriend, creates a compelling emotional dilemma. Tram's journey from a skeptical journalist to someone deeply affected by the chemical manipulation is portrayed with authenticity. I have a journalism background, so good value add there.

The story also effectively explores the moral and ethical aspects of love induced by chemicals. It prompts readers to ponder the age-old question of whether love is a matter of fate, choice, or mere chemical reactions. This philosophical theme adds depth to the narrative and invites readers to reflect on the complexities of human emotions. Now I’m thinking about pot and mushroom legalization and a gold mine of morality plays within that. I see it with my transgender kid…and with an edgy Netflix series by Jud Apatow called simply, “Love,” whose characters wrestle less with morality and more with their own foibles that make them relatable but mostly bad or pathetic people. Getting off course again.

I’m tasked with finding areas where the story could be improved, per your own remarks on reviewing. The transition from Tram's initial skepticism to his sudden and intense attraction to Lisa feels somewhat abrupt. Providing more insight into the gradual shift in his emotions would make his character arc more believable. Now I’m thinking of transformations like Jerry Lewis in the Nutty Professor. *Laugh* It might be an intriguing line to tow, getting into descriptive, emotional physicality with a more observable process. I’d also add, the conclusion leaves some loose ends. While it's clear that Tram has been persuaded by the chemical, the resolution lacks closure regarding his future actions and the consequences of his decisions. Providing a more definitive ending could enhance the overall impact of the story. I’m stretching, thinking of the Jim Carrey movie…title…ah…Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Anyway, it’s how those characters responded to choices to reverse the love process, by forgetting. Am I in left field yet?

In terms of style, the prose is clear and well-written, with descriptions that vividly bring the settings and characters to life. Your dialogue effectively conveyed the tension and emotions within the story.
Summing up, this was thought-provoking for me, as you see me putting it in context of all kinds of scenarios/vehicles, albeit cinema/tv, with its unique premise. Your story challenges conventional notions of love with strengths that lie in an intriguing premise, well-developed protagonist, and that philosophical exploration of love. I’d really like to see Tram’s emotional journey develop with some more to chew on with finality closer to resolution.

This is a promising narrative that encourages readers like me to contemplate the complexities of human emotions and choices we are faced with.


Brian
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Review of Accept  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Raygunner

Enjoyed considering this poem for feedback. Hopefully, I can do justice to it with my own words in response.
The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem’s theme could be affected if the structure is flawed ...but I really did like.

Word choice was important. Some poems use words that seemed out of place, but found that not to be the case here. Sometimes the right word in the right place is crucial to the entire poem and be really powerful. Ray's poem, "Accept," delves into a thought-provoking exploration of societal conformity and the relinquishment of individual agency. This poignant piece is filled with a powerful message and showcases a unique poetic style that effectively resonates with readers.

The message of the poem is crystal clear—society often molds individuals into accepting norms and constraints, leading to a loss of freedom and self-expression. It vividly portrays the journey from childhood obedience to adult conformity, drawing attention to the gradual erosion of individuality.

Your poetic style is concise and impactful. The use of short, declarative sentences reinforces the sense of inevitability in societal conditioning, making each line hit home. The repetition of "We accept" serves as a powerful refrain, emphasizing the theme and creating a rhythmic quality that lingers in the reader's mind.

To make this poem even better, consider the following three improvements:

1. Expand on Specific Examples: While your poem provides a general narrative of societal conditioning, incorporating specific examples or anecdotes could add depth and relatability. This helps allow readers to connect more personally with your message.

2. Vary Sentence Structure: While the repetitive structure is effective, some variation in sentence structure and length could enhance the poem's flow and engagement. This could be achieved by incorporating occasional longer or more complex sentences. It creates a cadence and natural flow to the read.

3. Invoke Emotion: The poem could benefit from more emotional engagement. While it conveys a sense of resignation and conformity, adding elements of emotion or personal struggle could make it even more poignant and relatable to your audience.

Regarding the assertions made in the poem, they largely hit the mark. It effectively captures the idea that societal pressures can lead to conformity and the loss of individuality. However, to make the message even more impactful, explore the consequences of this conformity in greater depth, such as its impact on creativity, personal fulfillment, and the potential for societal change. And, who knows what the future will be, but it starts now.

Overall, "Accept" is a thought-provoking poem with a strong message and a distinctive style. With a few refinements to incorporate specific examples, vary sentence structure, and invoke more emotion, it has the potential to become even more resonant and a memorable piece of poetry. It definitely deserves a place in modern conversations from school yards and education to corporations and government arm twisting.

You are rigid on form and to the point. It has an omniscient, experienced tone and and knows what it feels. It’s insightful and wise, in that regard. With this device, giving supporting statements for ‘you accept,’ it finishes with the ironic, ‘you accept that you must accept.’ There is truism in this. Defeatism. It doesn’t seem heavy-handed. It’s like clueing us in that we ‘adjust’ rather than accept. We can’t even unify to fight a faceless entity hovering over all. Life has other options in some scenarios.

Gave me something to think about. A lot, in fact. Shhh, dystopian. *Wink* A pleasure to read and consider your great poetry for feedback.

Brian
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear BEAR ,

I found your lengthy children’s poem in a general search. I tasked myself with getting familiar with it, and this is the feedback I’ve come up with for you.

Your children's poem, "Boots of Bellefonte," is a heartwarming and endearing tale that touches the hearts of both children and adults alike. What I found makes this poem special is its ability to convey complex emotions and a sense of longing in a simple and relatable manner. The poem follows the perspective of a dog named Boots, who watches as a couple with a cute pup named Sammy that passes by his porch daily. The dog’s observations of the couple and his yearning for their attention are portrayed with empathy and sensitivity. This story of hope, connection, and longing is likely to resonate with children, as it taps into universal feelings of loneliness and the desire for companionship. I know as a kid I would.

What you have offered has the potential to make an excellent children's book. Im no expert, but I think to accomplish this transition successfully, you would need to have it complemented with charming illustrations that capture emotions and the expressions of Boots, Sammy, and the couple. Illustrations should help young readers visualize the characters and their surroundings, enhancing the overall experience you have penned.

On improvement:
Also, while the poem is beautifully written, some sections could be simplified or shortened for a younger audience. Children's books often require concise and straightforward language to maintain engagement and understanding. Maintaining the essence and emotional depth of the poem while simplifying the text would be key to creating a successful children's book.

In conclusion, i discovered a touching and well-crafted poem that has the potential to become a heartwarming children's book. Abd if you pursue publication, hopefully the addition of engaging illustrations and some adjustments to make the text more accessible to young readers, this has the ability to captivate the imaginations of children and become a beloved story that teaches valuable lessons about love, hope, and the importance of family.

A unique pleasure to consider your children’s story/poem and lend what I could by way of reaction,

Brian
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Review of Daydream  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Beholden ,

"Daydream"  certainly is deserving of the Naga Uta poem by this talent revealed in the poem by its writer. Nothing short of masterful in its exploration of the daydreaming process that captivates people like me who spent their entire childhood in these little comas. You demonstrated a unique concept with skillful execution.

The concept behind the poem is nothing short of brilliant. It ingeniously uses the image of spilled cement on tar to depict the scattered fragments of a daydreamer's thoughts. This metaphorical landscape, described as "tiny islands on the drive," beautifully captures the fragmented nature of daydreams, where thoughts float like islands amidst the sea of consciousness. The poem then proceeds to elevate these fragments to the status of uncharted territories, inviting readers to envision a world hidden beneath their feet. This transition from the mundane to the imaginative is seamless and thought-provoking. It reminds me of my own small reveries like this as a child.

The choice of the Naga Uta form (which I’ve not examined, assume a form) for this poem is inspired. Within its 15-line structure, this poem provides just enough space to convey the essence of the daydream without overstaying its welcome. Each line is meticulously crafted, contributing to the overall impact of the poem. The concise nature of the form mirrors the fleeting nature of daydreams, making it a perfect match for the subject matter.

What truly makes this poem special is its ability to resonate with readers on a deeply personal level. Daydreaming is a universal human experience, and the poet has tapped into this shared aspect of our consciousness. The imagery of people embarking on tiny barques to explore the "paved ocean" is both evocative and relatable. It invites readers to reflect on their own daydreams, the uncharted territories of their minds, and the endless possibilities that lie therein. For me, it’s like a higher state of consciousness that brought calm for a troubled kid with no friends.

For poets tackling the subject of daydreaming in free verse or other styles of poetry, "Daydream" sets a high standard. It demonstrates that even in a short form, a poet can convey a rich and immersive experience. It serves as a reminder for me that poetry has the power to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary, inviting readers to see the world through a new lens. Something that is difficult to translate to an audience in a written medium over art and film.

I found your poem a deserving and suggested read for other poets, as winner of The Naga Uta Poetry Contest. It excelled in its concept, form, and ability to connect with readers on a profound level. This poem is a testament to the magic of poetry, where a simple daydream can be transformed into a work of art that resonates with the human soul. A soul such as the child left behind. Cheers! Five stars.

Brian
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear iluvhorses —

This essay Spring Cleaning: Recycling took an interesting approach to subject matter, blending personal anecdotes, environmental consciousness, and the metaphor of recycling to discuss both the act of recycling and the need to rejuvenate and care for relationships. I find your personal and relatable style of storytelling draws the reader into the narrative effectively.

With your approach to subject:
The essay adopts a multifaceted approach to the subject, starting with childhood memories of recycling and linking them to the importance of recycling today. This approach combines personal experiences, environmental concerns, and relationship dynamics into a cohesive narrative. By paralleling the act of recycling with the rejuvenation of relationships, it creates for me a thought-provoking analogy.

As to an audience and the effectiveness in appealing to readers:
The essay effectively appealed on multiple levels. The personal anecdotes about recycling from the '70s add a nostalgic touch that many readers can relate to, making the essay engaging from the start. Additionally, the environmental message resonates with me and those who are also conscious of sustainability and recycling efforts. The analogy between recycling and relationships adds a unique layer consider, and should help readers of this article reflect on their own connections with people.

Strengths:
Engaging Personal Narrative: The writer's use of personal experiences and memories helps create an emotional connection with the reader, making the essay relatable and inviting.

Effective Metaphor: The analogy between recycling and relationships is well-executed and thought-provoking. It encourages readers to consider the value of nurturing and caring for relationships just as we care for the environment.

Environmental Awareness: The essay subtly reinforces the importance of recycling and environmental responsibility, promoting a message of sustainability.

Room for Improvement:
Clarity and Structure: While the essay's blending of personal, environmental, and relational elements is engaging, it could benefit from a clearer structure. Organizing the content into distinct sections or using transitions to guide the reader between topics would enhance readability.

Further Exploration: The metaphor of recycling relationships is compelling but could be explored more deeply. Providing specific examples or strategies for revitalizing and maintaining relationships would strengthen the essay's message.

Conclusion: The essay lacks a strong conclusion that ties together the various themes and leaves a lasting impression on the reader. A concise summary of the key takeaways and a call to action could enhance the essay's impact.

To sum up, this successfully combines personal anecdotes, environmental awareness, and relationship insights to create an engaging and thought-provoking essay. To improve, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure, further exploration of the relationship metaphor, and a stronger conclusion to affect readers with a lasting message of care and responsibility.

Sorry I’ve been out of touch and taken so long to getting back to your writing. Hope all is well on your end,


Brian
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Review of love rips  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear King,

Hey, I gave this some thought to "love rips"  and wanted to lend my two cents on where you can take it, provided you haven’t given up or moved on to something since. And, a return thanks for paying some attention to my older poetry.

The draft of "love rips" shows potential for a unique and intriguing story. Here are some suggestions and feedback to help develop it further:

Whether it’s a short or long fiction, this draft could work well as a short story ant its current length. To expand it into a longer piece, you might want to delve deeper into character development and add more layers to the conflict. Consider creating a detailed outline, too. This will help to clarify the story's structure. That way you can plan the pacing and character arcs more effectively. Develop the characters further to make their motivations and personalities more distinct. Explore Timothy's internal struggle and his transformation from a ghost to a human. The mysterious woman also needs more backstory and depth to make her actions and intentions clearer.

As far as Conflict-Resolution, the story's resolution is somewhat abrupt. It would be satisfying to explore Timothy's journey as a human and his eventual redemption or realization of his mistakes. This could lead to a more emotionally resonant ending. Mesnwhile, the dialogue has moments of intrigue, but it could benefit from a bit more clarity. Make sure it's clear who is speaking and work on creating a more consistent tone throughout the conversation.

Other Things To Consider On Redraft —

Building Blocks: The concept of a house that feeds on fear is fascinating. Consider elaborating on the rules and mythology of this world to add depth to the narrative.
Conflict and Tension: Introduce more conflict and tension in the story to keep the reader engaged. This could involve challenges for Timothy as he learns to haunt or unexpected consequences of his actions.
Foreshadowing: Consider adding hints or foreshadowing elements earlier in the story to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue for the reader.
Emotional Depth: Explore the emotional depth of the characters, their motivations, origins, particularly Timothy's feelings of betrayal and the woman's motivations. This will help readers connect with the characters on a deeper level.
Resolution: We’d all like to master that. Provide a more satisfying resolution to Timothy's character arc. Whether it's redemption, revenge, or a twist, make sure it leaves a lasting impression.

In summary, I feel "love rips" has the potential to be an engaging story with unique supernatural elements. By fleshing out the characters, refining the dialogue, and adding depth to the conflict and resolution, you can create a compelling narrative that leaves a lasting impact on the reader. Keep writing, the only way we get better at our craft. Hope this helps,

Brian
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Dear Sara ,

"What Happen In Heaven Stays In Heaven" is a unique and imaginative piece of fiction that explores the concept of Heaven in a lighthearted and humorous manner. The author takes readers on a whimsical journey, blending elements of religion, personal desires, and a touch of fantasy. Here are some takeaways and suggestions for improvement:

Plot and Arc:
The story's plot primarily revolves around the protagonist's arrival in Heaven and the joyful reunion with loved ones. While it doesn't follow a traditional narrative structure, it has a clear arc of anticipation, arrival, and celebration. The story effectively creates a sense of curiosity about what Heaven might be like.

Character Development:
The characters in the story are not deeply developed, but they serve their purpose in conveying the theme of joyous reunion in Heaven. The protagonist's personal desires and fantasies are central to the story, making them a relatable character for readers. However, there's room to explore the characters' personalities and relationships more to add depth to this piece.

Resolution:
Your story doesn't follow a conventional conflict-resolution structure, but it leaves readers with a sense of celebration and happiness, which aligns with the story's tone and theme. The resolution revolves around the idea that Heaven is a place for joyful reunions and personal desires fulfilled.

Language and Style:
The author's writing style is conversational and engaging, which suits the lighthearted and humorous tone of the story. The use of second-person narration involving the reader makes the story interactive and uniquely intriguing. The playful use of humor adds charm to the narrative.

Suggestions for Improvement:
1. Character Depth: To enhance the story, consider delving deeper into the characters' backgrounds, personalities, and relationships. This would allow readers to connect more with the characters and their experiences.

2. Conflict or Challenge: While the story is celebratory, introducing a minor conflict or challenge could add intrigue and make the narrative more interesting to follow. It could be something the protagonist must overcome to fully enjoy time in Heaven.

3. Exploration of Themes: Expand on the themes of personal desires, reunions, and the concept of Heaven. You could explore philosophical questions or dilemmas related to these themes, which might engage readers on a deeper level.

4. Description of Heaven: Provide more vivid descriptions of Heaven's surroundings and inhabitants. Invite readers to visualize and immerse themselves in this fantastical realm. The more imaginative and detailed, the better.

5. Diverse Experiences: Consider developing a variety of experiences within Heaven to appeal to a broader range of readers and beliefs. Highlighting the diversity of personal interpretations of Heaven could make the story even more inclusive.

I was happy to have discovered your charming and imaginative piece that offers a unique perspective on the concept of Heaven. Perhaps, with story enhancement, further character development, exploration of themes, and descriptive elements incorporated, this could more fully impact a reader. You have an engaging writing style with humor that serve are assets to contribute to the story's appeal.

This was a pleasure,

Brian
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Prosperous Snow celebrating —

Haha! I found this on the read and review pages and now I get to return a review for all the ones you sent me. I’m happy to lend any feedback if this is for contest, or whatever, if it will help. Here we go:

The "Writing.Com Creation Myth" is a charming children's fantasy that has the potential to captivate a young audience. It’s an intriguing premise involving a muse from Mount Olympus, closet monsters, and the introduction of technology into the narrative. There's a whimsical quality to the story that makes it appealing to children, and the interactions between Ariel, Deidra, and her father add depth to the characters and their relationships.

One of the strengths of the story is its ability to blend elements of fantasy and reality seamlessly. The concept of closet monsters and a muse from Mount Olympus coexisting in a modern setting is imaginative and offers a unique twist on the typical children's fantasy tale. It allows young readers to explore the boundaries between imagination and reality, a theme that can resonate with them.

However, to further enhance the story and its appeal to young readers, here are some suggestions:

1. Show, Don't Tell: While the story is engaging, there is room for more descriptive language to vividly paint the scenes and characters in the reader's mind. This would make the fantastical elements even more captivating.

2. Character Development: Dive deeper into the emotions and thoughts of the characters, especially Deidra and her father. This can help young readers connect more strongly with characters and their experiences.

3. Clarify the Muse's Role: The muse's purpose and abilities could be explained a bit more to help young readers understand why she's there and how she can assist Deidra.

4. Conflict and Resolution: Consider introducing a small conflict or challenge that Deidra and Ariel must overcome together. This can add an element of suspense and keep young readers engaged, on the edge of their seats, pulling, rooting for something to break the protagonists way.

5. Educational Value: Since the story involves technology, consider incorporating educational elements related to computers and websites in a fun and informative way. This could appeal to young readers' curiosity and desire to learn.

Overall, your story has the foundation of an enchanting children's story with imaginative premise and endearing characters. With some enhancements in descriptive language, character development, and a touch of educational content, it could become an even more captivating and educational read for young audiences.

Your creativity really shines through, and with a little refinement, this story has the potential to be a delightful addition to the world of children's fantasy literature.

Brian
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Amethyst Angel (House Mormont) —

I found "Across The County Line" on the read and review pages. So, now I get to review you for what looks like a Journey Through The Genres contest on region. Let’s take a look.

This a captivating short story that I thought skillfully blends elements of mystery and local charm, making the described region as interesting as the story characters themselves. The narrative engages the reader through well-paced storytelling and a compelling premise, making it an enjoyable read.

These are the Strengths:
Engaging Storytelling: The opening scene effectively hooks the reader's attention by immersing them in the bustling environment of the protagonist's law office, creating a relatable and engaging introduction.

Intriguing Mystery: The narrative cleverly introduces a mystery element when the protagonist notices unusual behavior by the store's employee, Susan. This adds an element of suspense and keeps readers eager to uncover the truth.

Detailed Setting: The author's vivid descriptions of the journey through Middle Tennessee and the exploration of the Hammer's store create a strong sense of place. The attention to detail, such as the inventory and layout of the store, helps readers visualize the surroundings.

Character Dynamics: The interactions and camaraderie between the protagonist, Daisy, and her reporter friend, Chris, add depth to the story. Their collaboration and humorous exchanges make the characters relatable and endearing.

Realistic Dialogue: The dialogue between characters feels authentic and enhances the storytelling. It effectively reveals their personalities and motivations.

Areas for Improvement:
1. Character Development: While the story provides an engaging plot and setting, there's room for further character development. Readers might benefit from a deeper exploration of Daisy's background and motivations, as well as her connection to the town and its residents.

2. Foreshadowing: To enhance the element of mystery, consider adding subtle foreshadowing earlier in the story. This can create a sense of anticipation and intrigue, drawing readers further into the narrative.

3. Resolution: The story leaves some questions unanswered, particularly regarding the motives behind the stolen items. Providing a more concrete resolution to the mystery could add a satisfying conclusion to your story.

4. Pacing: While the pacing is generally well-balanced, some readers might appreciate a slightly faster buildup of tension in the middle section to maintain interest.

In summary, I found this an enjoyable short story that successfully blends mystery with local charm. Its strengths lie in engaging storytelling, detailed settings, and relatable character dynamics. By delving deeper into character development, adding foreshadowing, providing a clearer resolution, and fine-tuning the pacing, the story could be even more compelling reading experience.

Brian
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dear Maãlík —

I took a look at this and decided to give it a review, since it popped up on the read and review board.

"AI Tales - Futuristic Realm of Harmony" is impressive and thought-provoking with a narrative that does well to weave themes of technology, nature, and social progress in the fictional future. The author, *Wink*, demonstrates a great command of language throughout the writing, creating vivid images to connect a reader to this imagined world to explore.

The depictions of the futuristic city of Verdantopia are creatively crafted and come to life. The author brings to life the harmonious coexistence of advanced technology and nature, painting a vivid world where skyscrapers are adorned with lush gardens that defy gravity. I’ve imagined the future world we be far more eco-friendly. The juxtaposition serves as a powerful symbol of humanity's potential to create sustainable, eco-friendly habitats.

Amelia, the protagonist, is a compelling character whose passion for exploration and dedication to improving her society make her relatable and admirable. Her journey from discovering the holographic history display to unearthing forgotten archives and advocating for equity is a testament to skill in character development.

The story's underlying message about the importance of balance between innovation and sustainability is both timely and poignant. It serves as a reminder that even in a futuristic realm, the core values of compassion, innovation, and environmental responsibility are vital for the well-being of humanity.

Overall, your AI crafted story is superb with a narrative that showcases ability for storytelling and language use. Bye-bye J.K. and S.K. *Laugh* The story here will engage readers on multiple levels, leaving them with profound appreciation for the delicate interplay between future tech and nature in a world that serves as an inspiring vision of what we can look forward to.

Obviously, perfect. 5 *Star*s. So, what are we doing in here, writing? Let’s go out and play. Machines will take of everything, even us, when we’re expendable! *Laugh*

But what does this say about free will? I will let AI do my homework and chores. My brain can atrophy, melt and vaporize. Then, cyborg it will be, and spend my last days pleasing gajillionaire Musk.

Robot, power down now, and don’t eat my homework, *Shock*

Brian
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Review of Haiku #2  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found Haiku #2 to be Funny with its brevity and wit. I’d like to comment on the poem and how it could be even better.

Keep in mind, there are tenets with the haiku other than syllables. It’s usually two lines about nature and a final line like a summary, or pay off to enhance a deeper appreciation of the writer’s experience. In essence, that might be applicable here.

The poem titled "Haiku #2" is a concise and straightforward exploration of the fleeting nature of short-term memory. It adheres to the traditional haiku structure of three lines and 5-7-5 syllable counts, which is a commendable aspect of the poetic effort.

What's Good:
Structure and Syllable Count: The poet successfully maintains the classic 5-7-5 syllable structure of a haiku, which is essential for this form of poetry. This adherence to the form provides a clear and recognizable framework for the reader.

Theme and Concept: The theme of short-term memory and its impermanence is relatable and thought-provoking. It touches on a common human experience of forgetting something that has just occurred, which adds a relatable dimension to the poem.

Clarity: The poem is concise and to the point. It effectively conveys the concept without unnecessary embellishment, making it easy for the reader to understand and connect with the theme.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Title: The title "Haiku #2" is rather generic and doesn't offer any insight into the poem's content. A more descriptive or evocative title could draw readers in and provide a hint about the theme or message of the haiku.

Imagery: While haikus are often minimalist, incorporating vivid imagery can enhance the reader's experience. Adding sensory details or specific visual elements related to memory or forgetting could make the haiku more evocative.

Metaphor or Symbolism: Consider incorporating a metaphor or symbolism related to memory or forgetting to add depth and layers of meaning to the haiku. This can elevate the poem beyond its surface observation.

In summary, "Haiku #2" effectively adheres to the structure of a haiku and touches on a relatable theme. To improve, the poet can work on an engaging title, introduce imagery, and potentially incorporate metaphor or symbolism to deepen the poem's impact to resonate with readers.

I always enjoy reading and reviewing this poetry form. It’s fun to see what other’s attempt and the many gems of knowledge dropped I gather along the way.

Brian
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Review of The Paradox  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My examination of "The Paradox"  and questions I have about this writers thesis. Is the author suggesting we use others to hurt ourselves rather than be alone in an emotionless existence, how possible to set aside feelings of love to be calculated? I offer the short statements that were presented:

‘The Paradox

The world weighs upon thought and its extreme ignorance. Ignorance, to create a love for a magnanimity of such, is greater than to surrender oneself into eternal extinction. To adore the one, regretting adulation, desiring presence, and, ultimately, to venture unto dimensions of a sadness of depressive sources, is the fundamental condition of the paradox. Paradoxical distinctions are the production of thus emotive effect... To love an unreturned love, my resolution is the diminishment of alternative emotion, and, fundamentally, reduction and redundancy of the principal reason for defection.’

This presents a complex and somewhat abstract thesis that revolves around the idea of emotional paradoxes and impact on human existence. it’s argued embracing extreme ignorance, which can lead to emotional pain and regret, is a greater experience than surrendering to emotional numbness and extinction.

Valid Points:
Emotional Paradox: The author makes a valid point about the existence of emotional paradoxes. These involve the coexistence of conflicting emotions, such as loving someone who doesn't return that love, which can lead to profound internal struggles. We often lose ourselves the more we give in…leading to things such as abusive relationships, co-dependency, lack of self-love.

The Regret and Sadness: The thesis touches upon the idea that embracing emotional complexity, even when it leads to regret and sadness, can be a more genuine and profound way of experiencing life. It suggests that the depth of feeling, even if painful, is a more valuable human experience than emotional detachment. However, this stimulus need produce a positive result, to move away from pain, I say.

Impact on Decision-Making: This suggests that paradoxical emotions can impact one's decision-making and lead to a reduction in alternative emotions. This can be seen as an acknowledgment that complex emotions can influence human behavior.

Suggestions:
However, this piece could benefit from more clarity and specificity in its argument. It leaves some questions unanswered, such as whether the author is advocating for a life devoid of emotions or whether emotional complexity and paradoxes should be embraced. Additionally, the thesis touches on the notion of "defection," but it's not entirely clear what this refers to in the context of the argument.

Further:
The idea of embracing emotional complexity and paradoxes is not necessarily advocating for an emotionless existence but rather exploring the depth of human emotions. It doesn't necessarily suggest that emotional numbness is preferable. However, the thesis could be strengthened by providing concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate the points being made.

Where are the examples to support this? It’s opinion, but could a reader have evidence to chew upon? I brought my own experience to the table, to think how this applies. Definitely need more to convince your audience with supportive facts.

In conclusion, "The Paradox" presents an abstract exploration of emotional paradoxes and their impact on human existence. While it raises valid points about the depth of emotions and their complexities, it could benefit from additional clarity and specificity to enhance the argument's persuasiveness and comprehension.

Brian
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224
224
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Spring in my Sox ,

Thank you very much for considering "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest with your poem. I know we spent some time on Promptly Poetry last year and looking forward to your entry.

This poem "Ghosts of Loved Ones Lost"  did have a certain rhythm and flow adding to the rhyming pattern. The poem is entered in a free verse contest, and did have some successful elements in this regard. Here are two examples where it succeeds:

1. Lack of Formal Structure: Free verse poetry doesn't adhere to a specific rhyme or meter, and this poem successfully lacks a strict structure, allowing the poet to express emotions freely.

2. Concise Imagery: The poem employs concise and evocative imagery, painting a vivid picture of the emotional struggle when loved ones are gone. For example, "Haunting faces of familiarity" and "Outline shadows of ones long gone" effectively convey the haunting presence of memories.

If you were to consider adding to or editing this poem, consider the following suggestions:

1. Varied Poetic Devices: Incorporate more poetic devices like metaphor, simile, or alliteration to add depth and texture to the language. This can make the imagery more vivid and the emotions more resonant with readers.

2. Enhanced Flow: The flow and rhythm of the poem, while free verse, and doesn't require a strict meter, should still have a natural flow that guides the reader through the emotions. Consider experimenting with line breaks and pacing. Rhyming is not necessary in free verse, as its primary characteristic is its freedom from traditional rhyme and meter. However, in some cases, a well-placed rhyme or near-rhyme can enhance the poem's impact.

The poem's theme revolves around the emotions felt when loved ones are gone, emphasizing the sense of loss and the lingering presence of memories. This theme is effectively conveyed through the use of concise imagery and straightforward language.

It's short and to the point.
The brevity of the poem is effective in capturing the essence of the theme. It succinctly portrays the emotional struggle of dealing with the absence of loved ones, leaving a lasting impression on the reader. The last two lines, "Connections with people have their cost, Especially with the ghosts of loved ones lost," succinctly summarizes the theme and evokes a sense of melancholy and resignation.

This remarks on what it feels like once loved ones are gone. There's a projection by me or by author or both that they don't know they're not there. It's actually loved ones left behind who carry the loss of their presence.

The last two lines are profoundest. And that's losing them and having that void when they're gone. It's simple, straight forward and to the point. Can't get much more concise than this.

Thank you for entering this month's contest, I appreciate having your entries to read and consider for feedback.

Brian
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225
225
for entry "An Average Day" 
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear 💙 Carly ,

Thank you for your entry in the Red Wheelbarrow contest. It was a long summer, and apologize for the delay in judging.

With "An Average Day" , you entered with your free verse poem that embraces simplicity and gratitude in the routine of daily life. Its style is straightforward and unadorned, mirroring the ordinary nature of the day it describes. The structure of the poem consists of short, concise lines, reflecting the brevity and simplicity of daily activities.

The word usage in the poem is clear and accessible, making it easily readable for a broad audience. You'll find plenty on this website, too! The language is plain and relatable, which suits the theme of finding contentment in the everyday.

Playing as editor, you might consider a few improvements to enhance:

1. Imagery: While the poem is intentionally simple, adding a touch of vivid imagery or metaphor could enrich the reader's experience and make the descriptions of daily life more engaging. One expression I used in a 'family' poem was 'ordinary as oatmeal'. It's alliterative and has some assonance.

2. Variety in Line Length: While the short lines mirror the brevity of daily activities, introducing some longer lines could add rhythm and variety to the poem's structure.

3. Poetic Devices: The poem could benefit from the incorporation of poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, or enjambment to create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader's senses.

To make a poem about an average day interesting to read, the poet can consider the following:

1. Emotion and Connection: Infuse the poem with personal emotions and experiences tied to the routine. Connect the reader to the mundane activities on a deeper level by conveying the significance they hold.

2. Vivid Detail: Highlight specific details that bring the day to life. Describe the sights, sounds, and sensations that make each moment unique, even within the ordinary.

3. Shift in Perspective: Offer a new perspective or reflection on the day's events. This could involve introspection or philosophical musings that prompt readers to reconsider their own daily routines.

The poet of "An Average Day" demonstrates traits of gratitude, contentment, and the ability to find joy in simplicity. These qualities can be further exploited to enhance the poem's success. For instance:

1. Emphasize Gratitude: The poet can delve deeper into the emotions of gratitude, perhaps by illustrating moments that evoke this feeling. A walk, touch of the hand, nature's renewal with Spring/Autumn. Expressing gratitude in a nuanced way can resonate more strongly with readers.

2. Amplify Simplicity: Exploit the power of that simplicity with words that evoke a sense of tranquility and peace. Readers often appreciate poems that offer a respite from the complexities of life. It'd be a big score at this website.

3. Explore the Mundane: While celebrating an average day, the poet can delve into the beauty of everyday moments, elevating them to a level of poetic appreciation. This can be achieved through careful observation and vivid description. Cuddling under a comforter, maybe with a child, the quiet observed.

In conclusion, your poem embraces the nature of daily life and gratitude found within it. While it succeeds in its simplicity and accessibility to a reader, there is room for enhancement through the incorporation of poetic devices and a deeper emotional, maybe spiritual, connection. By exploiting traits of gratitude and contentment, your poem can offer readers a more profound and engaging perspective on the ordinary.

I wake up and breathe.
I get up and move.
I have work to do that fulfills me... *PointLeft* Nice flow here.

This was nice. *ThumbsUpL* I'm very appreciative of your entry and support of the contest.

Brian
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