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698 Public Reviews Given
972 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Firm yet fair.
I'm good at...
Poetry and short stories.
Favorite Genres
Historical fiction and fantasy. I also love any type of poetry, especially form poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-fi.
Favorite Item Types
Short story, poetry, chapter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactive.
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Interactive.
Public Reviews
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276
276
Review of Christmas Magic  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Greetings Sylvia,

You've told a nice story about a family going out into the forest to find a Christmas tree. There was lots of rich imagery employed, with the snow, evergreen boughs, deer and winter birds, and much more. The descriptions of the forest were exquisite.

I would've liked to see more action in the beginning to get the story moving along quicker. Descriptions of the setting are oftentimes not an ideal way to start a story; action and dialogue will drop the reader right into the story, and then you can sprinkle the descriptions and exposition here and there throughout the story as you go along.

When does this story take place? And where are they, what country?

There were some instances where commas needed to be placed.

I found a lot of sentences started with "She," and then described what she did. Try to rearrange the words so that the sentences don't always begin with the same word, or else it will begin to sound monotonous.

I didn't seem to find any conflict in the story, no struggle that the main characters had to overcome to obtain their goal.

Again, it was an enjoyable read, with lots of promise, but just needs a little polishing. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my short story contest!

April
277
277
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Greetings Lily,

You've told a great tale of how marital issues can escalate into domestic abuse, and worse. Throw into the mix a couple of kids and you've got yourself a story! I liked Caroline's sister, the narrator, although we never learn her name in this chapter. Why is that?

I liked the progression of the chapter, and how it climaxed with the dad killing the mom. It did get a bit slow in the middle, however, so you might want to throw in some action and dialogue to get things moving along again.

I have a few suggestions. Would the narrator really have said that she had "a crass personality"? Because I thought she was 12, and I know I didn't know what crass meant when I was 12.

Sentences that begin with "Me and Caroline" should read "Caroline and I..."

The line that said "All seemed well in the world today," I would change "today" to "that day" because you're writing in the past tense, but then you say "today," so it doesn't make sense.

This one really jumped out at me. If someone's throat had just been cut, they wouldn't be able to yell. You might want to reconsider that part. Maybe even have their father be the one to tell them to run? Because when I first read it I thought it was him who said it, and it seemed to work, almost as if he knew he was dangerous and wanted to get them away from himself while he was in that blind murderous rage.

This story told a frightening tale of the murder of two sisters' mother, and leaves us wondering what's to come. I am interested to find out what happens next. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my short story contest!

April
278
278
Review of The Gift  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Jim,

I've always loved poems that tell stories, and often write that kind of poetry, because it's tough. It's a poem and a story all wrapped into one. I like how it started off with Jason falling onto the snow-covered ground, exhausted from helping others while neglecting himself. Then it tells us of the good deeds he did to help his friends and loved ones, and we admire him for that. When we think Jason's lost all hope, the poem takes a positive and optimistic turn with the voice whispering softly in his mind some words of wisdom. I liked how the ending left things on a positive note; it gave me a positive little kick just reading it.

The rhymes were all good, and didn't come out sounding forced or overzealous. I did have some slight issues with the meter. Some lines were too long and had too many syllables compared to the others, and I got sort of tripped up while reading it as the flow got disrupted. There were, however, some line couplets that were perfect, such as "His head hung in shame as he listened intently/New strength in his soul, he arose diffidently." The meter was perfect in those two lines. There were a few others as well, but this was the best example. I found no spelling/grammar errors.

Again, I greatly enjoyed this fabulous story of a poem, especially with its optimistic ending. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
279
279
Review of Burden  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Greetings Paper Goddess,

You've written a poem riddled with deep emotion. It's a sort of painful love, and I'm sure we've all been there a time or two. The tone is consistent throughout, and the pacing is perfect. The rhymes work well and don't sound forced, well done. The meter is also very well done; no line seemed to be too much longer than the other, but they all seemed to be almost equal in length and number of feet. No spelling or grammar mistakes, although I'd suggest adding a comma after "No matter what." It was a pleasant read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
280
280
Review of Life In My Hands  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Greetings Iggy,

You've written a deep and dark poem about a soldier caught up in the harsh realities of combat. It gave me a glimpse of their day-to-day lives, and I could appreciate how hard that must be on them. You've employed some clever language here. I liked the lines "They had to take those lives/They haunt them in their dreams." Very profound. There were some grammar issues, such as "But they're lives" should be "But their lives," and "As a pointed" should be "As I pointed," but other than that it was good. The meter got a bit rough at times, so you might want to read it aloud and see how it flows. It was an enjoyable read, nonetheless. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
281
281
Review of Wings of a Song  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Greetings Wayfaring Dreamer,

This poem has a very positive and optimistic tone to it. I like the notion of being able to forget all our worries and troubles as we let ourselves go "on the wings of a song" for a moment or two. The rhymes were great, and the meter was excellent. I especially liked how the last line had half as many syllables as the rest of the lines; it made for a stronger impact than a regular line would've. There were no spelling/grammar mistakes. I really liked the lines "Let your heart sail a river/Of rainbows and dreams." There was good imagery employed in this piece. It was a great read. You've shown a great penchant for writing poetry and I'd like to see more of your work. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
282
282
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Greetings Linzi,

I found your poem on the Read a Newbie page and thought I'd take a look. This poem is riddled with sad and dark emotion, evoking thoughts of regrets, being exposed and suppressing feelings and trying to forget them. I think we've all been there at one point or another. The occasional rhymes are nice, especially the last rhyming couplet. The rhythm gets a bit choppy at times, however, as some lines are too long compared to the others, and they slow down the pacing of the poem. "This is not it's rightful place" should read "its rightful place," but other than that, I didn't find any spelling/grammar errors. You've done a good job showing us the deep, dark emotion of the speaker in the poem, and the point gets across well. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
283
283
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Greetings Pepper,

You've written a lovely ode to your boss, and the emotion comes across in every line. I, too, love my boss and am very happy where I am so I can totally relate to this poem. The theme stays consistent throughout, as does the pacing. The meter, however, is a bit off at times as some lines have too many syllables than others, or the accents are placed differently than in other lines. You might want to read it aloud to see how it sounds. The rhymes were good and solid. All in all it was an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
284
284
Review of Sleep's Image  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings Strlcuckoo,

I found your poem in the Simply Positive forum and thought I'd take a look. You've written a detailed piece about what happens when "Night has come, again conquering the day." I greatly enjoy the night, as I have been a night owl all my life and probably always will be :) I liked the image of "Stars glitter as planets glow," and "My mental image of you, my own goddess, ever so inviting" was a good line too. The rhyming scheme worked great. It wasn't forced, but natural and rolling off the tongue easily. The rhythm got tripped up a bit by the first line in the last stanza and the first line in the 4th and 5th stanzas, because when compared to the other lines, they're too short. That's just my two cents, do what you will with it. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
285
285
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Greetings Cherish,

I found your poem on the Read a Newbie page and thought I'd take a look. You've written a heartfelt ode to mothers everywhere, and they're much deserving of your praise. Each and every line had truth in it; I don't need to give examples, for they all are examples. The line "Is the true recipient of each trophy, degree or prize" was well written. There were some meter issues; some lines were longer than others and they disrupted the flow of the lines and the stanzas. Read the poem aloud and you'll see what I'm talking about. The rhymes, however, worked well and weren't trite, but came out sounding natural. It was cute in the end, with the analogy of the convention and all the great men screaming how they want their mother. What a great image! I greatly enjoyed this poem. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
286
286
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Greetings KerrieAnn,

You've written an awfully sad poem about an aging dog and his companion. My own dogs are both aging, and one's even sick, so your poem reminded me of them and it really made me sad, but that's a good thing; an emotion-provoking poem is always what we should strive for. There's good imagery in this piece, from the toys and sticks to the park and trees. The rhyming scheme was great; it didn't sound forced, but came out rather naturally. The meter flowed well, making the rhythm go smoothly as well. I didn't find any spelling/grammar errors. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
287
287
Review of Thief  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Greetings Chick,

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look. This short story started out magnificently, with great action right from the start. So few people know how to do that, or refuse to do that, so bravo! The action was consistent thoughout, and the pacing fast-moving but good as it was appropriate to the action going on. Maxine is an interesting character already, she has spunk, and is clever. You didn't reveal why she's evading the guards, and that's good; you don't want to give it all away at once, or else we'll have no reason to continue reading. The ending left me wanting to read more, although it could've been more of a cliffhanger. That's the only suggestion I have. Everything else was splendid. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my short story contest!

April
288
288
Review of I AM  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Greetings Jinx,

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look. You've written a poem riddled with emotion about feeling insignificant in the world, "meaningless squiggles," and how awful that must feel! The poem starts out sad, but then takes a sudden turn and becomes positive with the "glimmering in her glorious joy," but then becomes sad again when the poet is alone again. The non-rhyming scheme works, and the short lines make the meter and rhythm flow smoothly. It was a great yet sad piece. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
289
289
Review of Connection  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Greetings InkBlots,

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look. This poem is full of warm emotion that is felt in every line, almost in every word. The non-rhyming scheme is appropriate, and the meter is smooth and the rhythm flows well in such short lines. Short but sweet. I liked the lines "Where time is none/In omnipresent light." Well said. All in all it was a great read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
290
290
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Greetings Renee,

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look. I love the language you employed in this poem; the vocabulary was exceedingly excellent. It had an old English feel to it, like something around the era of Shakespeare, and I absolutely adore that era. There's great imagery in this poem, from the sun, the blooms, the petals, and the skies. My favorite lines were "Preparing for her nightly rest/as evening blows into place," and "I unveil my brilliant blooms wishing her a glorious fair the well." I think there should be a comma after blooms, to separate it from "wishing her..." And "The Suns admiring gaze" should read "The Sun's admiring gaze..." "Day draws its final breathe" should be "breath." Other than that, I didn't find any other errors. I liked the non-rhyming scheme, it seemed to work well. The meter worked well, too, providing a good rhythm. It was a wonderful piece, topped off with wonderful language that was like a blooming flower turning its face toward the sun. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
291
291
Review of Break-up  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Greetings Abby,

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look. The dark emotion comes across well in this poem, and the tone is consistent throughout. I liked the lines "Looked through me to the back of my skull/at the bruise marks my brain left/when we halted to a stop." I take that to mean literally and figuratively. The image of the two lovers parting ways "uncertain, unblinking, bruised" is a strong image, very nicely written. The final stanza says it all. It's a sad thought to end on, but the last line is true, love never does make any sense. I liked the non-rhyming scheme and the rhythm flowed very smoothly. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry contest!

April
292
292
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Greetings Robert,

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look inside. This was a most interesting piece, with the constant reference to "serenity through Hell." What a struggle it must be to have serenity in Hell, I can only imagine. Hell on Earth is what I've gathered from this poem. There were many great lines, including "Fire I must embrace/In the beauty covered with lace." The rhymes, although not completely uniform, worked well. They rhythm got a bit off at times and reading it aloud will help fix that. That's just my two cents, do what you wish with it. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
293
293
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Bill,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and thought I'd take a look. This poem was interesting, however cryptic it may have been. I seemed to appreciate its cryptic-ness. My favorite lines were "Where the lanterns of the night/Evoke what can never be clear." "For wisdom and wonder are one" is a great line also. The poet seems to be able to go in and out of the time that Ancients once knew, and how interesting that must be! I liked the rhyming scheme, it didn't sound forced. The rhythm flowed well. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my contest!

April
294
294
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Greetings Kerrie Ann,

You've given us a truly dark piece full of heartfelt emotion that is evident in every word. The emotion is always on the surface, but it delves deep in each line, in each stanza to fulfill a greater meaning. I especially liked the line "A bunch of pills, small in size/Is that enough to drown the woe?" What pain that person must be feeling to have to resort to taking pills to end it all. The poet is begging someone, anyone in the end to make it right, but probably can't find anyone to do so, unfortunately.

I found the rhyming scheme to be very well done. It wasn't forced, but came across rather natural-sounding. The rhythm, however, was a bit off at times, and could use some work. Read it aloud a few times and you'll hear how some lines are longer than others, and you might want to make them more uniform so as to stick to a certain number of syllables to make the flow of the rhythm go more smoothly. That's just my two cents, do what you will with it. It was a splendid piece, however sad it may have been. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my contest!

April
295
295
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings Autumn,

You've created two dynamic characters that complement each other well. They're unique in their own ways, yet they go well together. It's hard to write about such a difficult subject, but you seem to do it with ease, almost expertise. The story's pacing flowed smoothly, and there were no grammar/spelling errors, and I appreciate that. The content was a dark subject, but something we've all come in contact with, so I'm sure we can all relate in one way or another. You've done a fine job, and told an interesting tale. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my contest!

April
296
296
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings John,

I greatly enjoyed this read. It got moving right from the start, and the pacing was consistent throughout the story. It had some good action which kept the story going so that it didn't get stagnant. I was very intrigued by the mysterious box, and you might even want to keep what's in it a secret until later on in the story, just to keep an element of surprise in there. You don't want to give it all away too soon. The only critique I have is the language. The language sounds more like something from a Western than something from a Medieval period story. You might want to go over that and read it aloud and see how it sounds. But other than that, there were no spelling or grammar errors, and the content was great. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And feel free to check out my port if you find the time. I'm also hosting a contest, lots of prizes to be won!

April
297
297
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings Tristan,

I must admit I know nothing of writing song lyrics (I stick to poetry and fiction) and although I'm sure there are some similarities between poetry and lyrics, there are their differences. I liked the occasional rhymes here and there, but the non-rhyming theme throughout seemed to work best. The emotion was really felt the entire length of the piece, and my favorite lines were "Alive at the same time/But a thousand years apart." The content of these lyrics is really profound, so bravo for that. I found it easy to follow but at the same time I had to pay attention because there was a deep meaning behind every word. You did a fantastic job, and that's why I'm giving you a 5.0. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my poetry if you feel like it :)

April
298
298
Review of Could have been  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Masking,

I found your poem on the review request page and thought I would take a look. You've written a profound piece on love and what could have been or should have been, and the theme is consistent throughout the poem. There were some grammatical errors, such as "Your face, your eyes" needed that comma there, and "How strange our we" should be "How strange are we," and "could have been's" should be "could have beens," etc. But those are just technical errors. I found the vocabulary to be excellent. The rhyming scheme could use some work in the beginning; it gets off to a rough start, but then finishes off with a perfect rhyming couplet at the end, with "beens/beens" and "smile/beguiles." I'd work on the rhymes in the beginning and middle to stay consistent to bring some uniformity to the piece. Other than that, I found it to be an enjoyable read! Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And feel free to check out my port if you find the time.

April
299
299
Review of I Saw a Dragon  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings Magoo,

I thought that this poem was genius. I was actually laughing out loud at certain parts, it was so good! The rhyming scheme was flawless, the rhythm flowed naturally, no spelling errors, honestly I can't find anything wrong with it. The word choice in certain lines was incredible, and I loved the characters and the outcome of the story. Very well done! Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
300
300
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Mars,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. I like the gradual repetition of "The longing of my soul is deep." I like the imagery of the cold December touch, the wind scented with herbal mist, Autumn, sky, wings, the night and the morning. I'm not sure why the narrator was caged in the rooms, but it must have been really lonely. I like how the narrator goes from feeling apathy in the beginning of the poem to "finding flight on wings unknown" toward the end, that was refreshing. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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