Beholden's (beholden) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

1,127 Public Reviews Given

1,128 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.

I'm good at...

Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.

Favorite Genres

I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.

Favorite Item Types

I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.

Least Favorite Item Types

See previous section.

I will not review...

Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.

26

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4745822

Review of The Black Fur Coat

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Black Fur Coat by Shika/Noah

This is an interesting creature. I've never read a story that telegraphs its ending almost immediately upon opening but remains gripping right until the finish. Yet that's exactly what this does. It is quite fascinating how it piles on the clues as the protagonist gets more feline every day. The slow transformation draws one on as if mesmerised, and the final denouement is a masterpiece of intimate description. It's exactly like Bolero, the classical music piece that starts so quietly and repeats its theme again and again while getting louder until its magnificent crescendo at the end.

And that's just the story. Your descriptive powers are quite amazing, too. It is so refreshing to read completely new ways of looking at the world and the metaphors you create are vivid and unusual. Yes, there's a formatting error here and a misspelling there, but these are nothing when compared to the spell you weave. I'm going to offer you some advice in the hope that you'll develop into a hugely powerful writer. First of all, don't get a swollen head at what I'm saying - it's obvious that you're just starting out and have a lot to learn. And then practise, practise, practise - write every day, even if it's just a tiny piece or thought, and keep going. Don't take too much notice of people who say that you have to write in a particular way - don't ruin the gift with too many straitjacket rules. Keep writing from your heart and the practice will develop your technique.

The two errors I mentioned are as follows:

The fourth and fifth paragraphs need to be separated with one more Return.

The past tense of "slink" is "slunk," not "slunked."

And that's it. Both errors are so tiny that they don't affect my rating - it's a five star maximum in my opinion. Finally, one more bit of advice - keep writing!

Review by

Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

27

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14 days may be credited.

#4745450

Review of A Healing Day for Rhea

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of A Healing Day for Rhea by Maryann

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

And so to the story. A charming little tale of a civilisation on Neptune (unusual choice) and a schoolteacher mom's rescue of a wayward daughter. The combination of modern understanding and imagination is quite seamless and does not stretch belief. Although the denouement is a little too easily achieved and predictable, the care spent in constructing the earlier parts of the story makes up for this. Indeed, the readers are so much on the side of Rhea by the end that they don't want there to be any hiccups in the rescue of the child.

The story is divided into three sections, an introduction, a middle, and a brief final section. To some extent, the length of each section reflects the importance placed in each one. And the final section could use a bit more attention, perhaps in extending the search for Miranda's horse, thereby increasing the suspense in waiting to see that Miranda is healed. Apart from that, I find the story to be enjoyable and very interesting in its evocation of the evolved society on Neptune. I particularly liked the account of Earth and Mars history leading ultimately to their merging with the Neptunians.

A fine little tale for both adults and children.

Review by

Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

28

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#4745412

Review of Mutiny

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Mutiny by Anni Pon

This is both clever and impressive. A clever idea to liken the experience to an entire crew arguing over the set of the ship, and impressive in keeping the metaphor consistent throughout. And I absolutely love this:

First-mate Right Eye lied,
"I've seen too much, what's left?"

It's so appropriate and made delicious by the fact he lied.

There are reasons to quibble, I grant you. The rhymes break down occasionally and more attention needs to be given to meter, if the poem is to be read smoothly. But the whole thing is such fun that I can forgive anything. If we think of it as free verse that mutinies with rhyme sometimes, then it's perfectly acceptable. So much is done with poetry these days that the basic structure and consistency of vision is more than enough to carry it through.

In the end, it's how effective is the poem that matters. And this one is an absolute mindblast. The idea is brilliant and its performance quite stunning. I was going to give it four stars thanks to the lumpy meter but, on thinking about it, I admit that it's a personal attachment to meter that is influencing me in this. So it deserves five stars for a wonderful, exhilarating tour de force of vision. Truly enjoyable.

Review by

Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

29

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14 days may be credited.

#4745109

Review of Mother's Day Tulips

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Mother's Day Tulips by Legerdemain

What a wonderful memory to be recalled by a particular object for the rest of your life. And how wise the memory in its choice of tiny detail to be preserved for later years.

This is an account of an experience of a child's fresh and unexpected view on something we find quite ordinary. It reminds me of my oldest son saying, at the age of about two and watching his first raindrops falling from a cloud, "The sky is crying." I've heard it said by others since then but it was quite an insightful observation for so young a child.

Your son's take on a dying tulip was indeed special in that it demonstrates the human ability to link two seemingly disparate events together in a similarity unnoticed by adults. It certainly took me by surprise, and I had to be reminded of the balloons before seeing that the use of the word "popped" was entirely appropriate. There is something magnificent in the fact that the event created an annual homage to tulips in your mind. Your son will always be avauilable to you as the little boy he once was as a result.

Perhaps we all have similar experiences to serve as a consolation in later life when the kids are grown and gone.

Review by

Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

30

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#4745102

Review of Recurring Nightmare

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Recurring Nightmare by Legerdemain

This dream would be scary enough were it on its own but, if it's been going on for twenty-five years, I find that a bit worrying. Does it relate to any deep-seated fears or worries, I wonder? Perhaps you don't like driving at night, or read somewhere about a large deer coming through the windscreen in collisions. Seems a bit obvious, though. Yet there must be a cause.

Anyway, it's a fine piece of descriptive writing, adjectives perhaps slightly overdone in the first paragraph. There's a certain feeling of expectation created by the mentions of looking out for the beacons at the side of the road that will indicate - what? We're not told so we begin to expect them, too, if only to find out what they mean. Even when we see them, you give no hint of what is waiting for us until it has pounced. If it were my dream, I reckon it would be a shapeless shadow, unnamed and unknowable, rather than a deer. I suppose the deer is rather more frightening in that it could really happen.

Come to think of it, your dream is uncommonly real and well defined, with none of the more usual unlikely events or sudden, inexplicable changes of surroundings. But I don't suppose that is significant.

In summary, it's a powerful description of a dream that must be quite harrowing to endure, especially repeatedly. There ought to be a way to write to the dream factory and ask for a change of program!

Review by

Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

31

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#4745084

Review of Without Him

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Without Him by Sophy

This kind of review is so hard to do - it feels wrong to comment upon another's deepest feelings. But this poem is so effective in communicating grief that I have to try.

It's beautiful and yet sad, moving and sobering. It makes the reader feel helpless in their inability to do anything to help. So simple are the words and yet how direct and heartfelt. The italicising of the mother's words in the opening to each stanza is so effective in setting the scene. In these simple words a lifetime is present, made full by the words that follow.

Looking just at the italicised lines, we realise that the poem progresses, first as a description of the man's illness and lost strength, then to consideration of the wife's grief and despair. It's a distilling into the essence of a marriage after fifty-three years.

The action that intercedes between the italicised lines is about the love that still cares to the last moments. We do not know what the years have contained but we feel privileged to witness the dying moments of such a bond. It's hard to read, let alone review.

But beautiful, still beautiful in its way. A truly powerful piece.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

32

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#4745061

Review of A Jump in Time

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of A Jump in Time by Sophy

I remember this prompt for the Cramp! Wrote something for it myself, that's why. Yours is a very interesting take on it, however. Very smooth and logical combination of some very unrelated but required words and phrases.

In total, the tale is entertaining and imaginative. There were a couple of points that I found slightly irritating, but they're so minor that they don't spoil my enjoyment of the piece. In case you want to change them, here they are:

"Look if this is some kind of joke?" Doesn't quite make sense (although maybe the parrot did actually say it). But it needs, at the very least, a comma after "Look." Then the rest of the sentence seems to need either a consequence threatened if it does turn out to be a joke, or an ellipsis to indicate the sentence was not completed. Or it's a typo and you meant to say ""Look, is this some kind of joke?"

The parrot keeps starting his sentences with "Look." It is, of course, entirely possible that this is a habit of his but, either way, it becomes a slight irritation. I'd change some of the instances to avoid the repetition.

And that's it. An amusing tale of great imagination. I'm awarding five stars because both quibbles are very minor and, to a certain extent at least, matters of personal taste. Well done on the win, by the way!

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

33

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#4745046

Review of Upbeat

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Upbeat by Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness

Playing the phool again I see, Doctor. A thing that looks easy but has its difficulties in truth. And this little ditty is no exception to that rule - it seems light-hearted and silly, but there's a lot of work in achieving that impression.

Those rhymes, for instance, are close to genius. There's nothing forced or inappropriate, each one conforms to the theme and adds to it. I love that you found noisy words like rat-tat-tat and lad-de-dah to fit so precisely with the main thrust of the poem. More than anthing else, they're the point!

But everything assists in this common aim to please and amuse. It's nonsense, yes, but also makes a strange sort of announcement of confidence. You want upbeat? Well here's upbeat for you!

Then there's the matter of rhythm and flow, the consideration that so often spoils our attempts at this kind of thing. And you prove well capable of carrying it off in this poem. The rhythm is clear and uninterrupted, the flow steady from beginning to end.
And the claim about pace at the end of it true too.

In summary it's a tour de force of comic verse, an apparently easy construction that holds the reader from beginning to end. Well done indeed!

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

34

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#4744428

Review of The Dance

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Dance by KingsSideCastle

I love this, both for its use of language and for its honesty. It's a little trip into the memories raised by a song, culminating in the account of a dance so realistically recounted that we can all hark back to similar times in our memories. The language used is a little higher than we use in daily speech, being precise in its choice of words and sentence construction. It results in an effortless flow that is, quite frankly, beautiful.

There is a single minor flaw that I must point out, however. You list a few experiences and then write this phrase: "...the latter was always something..." Strictly speaking, it should be "the last" as "the latter" is only used when there are two options available. It's probably not going to be noticed by the vast majority of readers, but I mention it in case you decide to change it.

The honesty in the piece is what donates its real charm. There is no attempt to dramatise the account of the dance, it being told just as it was, a fairly ordinary and a bit awkward an occurrence that, for some reason, the memory has decided to recall with perfect clarity in reponse to the song. The reader is transported back immediately to their own experience of a first dance and the piece becomes that much more real as a result.

This is truly an exquisite little jewel of the writing art and I must thank you for the experience.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

35

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#4743335

Review of Magic Eyes

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Magic Eyes by LightinMind

H.G. Wells wrote a story entitled The Country of the Blind, to point out that in the country of the blind, far from being the king, the one-eyed man would be persecuted as insane. I had to mention that to admit that I don't agree with your premise to this story.

But that's hardly relevant to my review. The fact is that I find the story to be well written, if a little belief-stretching in a few coincidences. The actual technical aspects are sound and the story flows well and at a good pace. Clearly, you write well and have the imagination to produce interesting and entertaining pieces. It does seem a little odd for an American be talking so coolly of monarchy, given that their natural attitude towards kings is disapproval. Understandably, given their history. But that is easy to pass over since the story has an an air of myth and fairy tale about it.

Since you've mentioned Political as one of your genres, I should mention that it's an area where angels fear to tread. There's nothing worse than the story intended to have innocent intentions but containing obvious political preferences and biases. People hate underhand attempts to indoctrinate them. Not that I'm saying your story does this but to advise against going there. It never works.

So it's a very enjoyable story, slightly marred for me by the debatable nature of its premise. And I'm just an old dinosaur in the end.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

36

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#4743118

Review of The Jacket

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Jacket by spidey

Absolutely delicious ending! It's a perfect crescendo to a piece that starts slowly, gradually increases in pace and is rattling along nicely toward the end. And then that final sentence puts a last blood-curdling lid on it. It's excellent.

I must admit that I wasn't convinced at first. The pace is really slow to begin with and then we're confronted with a shopping expedition (not my idea of fun). But this turns quite quickly into an intriguing try-on session with a leather jacket. The reader sits up and takes a lot more notice. Just how nasty can this jacket get? one asks. The answer is, a lot. The incident with the protestors is a bit contrived but I suppose it could happen. We had to find out more about the jacket and this was as good a way as any.

And so the final phone call. By that time, the reader feels pretty much the same about the girlfriend as does Sam. There he is, just about to get rid of the thing and GF phones. Well, that's just asking for it, isn't it?

It's a fun story that makes a lot out of not very promising material (The Amityville Jacket!) and ends by being well above the common run of horror story. Brilliantly done and so well written too.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4743010

Review of The Xeric Conspiracy

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Xeric Conspiracy by JACE - House Targaryen

I think this one's going to be quite hard for me to do. The writing is fine, no technical problems, typos, or errors of judgement, flow or pace. It's quite believable, in fact, and enjoyable as a result. Why shouldn't the guy be writing a memoir of his struggles, after all? The problem is that it leaves me with not a lot to say except "well done."

My solution is to look at the content, the actual premise driving the piece. And that I don't find so agreeable. This was written in 2009, a time when environmental concerns were already beginning to affect governments and force them to think about the future. In the present situation, where that tendency has become a tide on which we seem to be riding to the opposite of the future envisaged in this piece, it seems unlikely, to say the least, that growing things wll be illegal.

Which is not to condemn the piece for getting it wrong (apparently), but does make it more difficult to believe and feel sympathy for the narrator. I feel like telling him not to worry, we'll have it sorted (another unlikely story - I'm just as pessimistic about it as you are but in a different way).

So that's my opinion - but it shouldn't affect and doesn't affect my assessment of the writing skills involved. No problems there, I'm happy to say!

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4742999

Review of Unholy Happy Hour

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Unholy Happy Hour by GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen

I feel slightly cheated. Halfway, through, I was convinced that you'd had the rather brilliant idea of fleshing out an old joke with more detail, only to find at the end that you were winging it and there was no joke at all. And yet there was (and I think it was on me). The whole thing is the joke and I have been led up the garden path by the nose. Excellently done, indeed.

The point is that you know how to write. You pitch the tale very accurately at its target audience and the slightly over-the-top descriptions are the main part of this. At the same time, you allow us to get to know the characters rather more than we do in the usual jokey tale. It's a most amusing and impressive in performance.

There is one slight flaw in the piece, however, and that is all to do with time. You deal with each character in the order in which they enter the bar. It goes clown (he is already there when the priest enters), priest, and cowboy ("Then... in swaggered a cowboy.) But then, in the cowboy's POV, we get this: "First walked in a priest." It made me do a double take and go back to check the order. Doesn't figure.

It's not enough to spoil a thoroughly enjoyable little story, however. Five stars from me.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4742993

Review of Night of the Fireflies

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Night of the Fireflies by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

What a delightful little tale. Not outstandingly imaginative but it's for children, and we wouldn't want to shock them with too much innovation, would we?

I was particularly interested in how you pitched the language since that's an important aspect of writing for children. Things like complexity of language used and the likelihood of certain words being understood. I found you to be extremely good at this aspect - nothing much to carp at anywhere. I did wonder briefly at "gossamer" but, on consideration, decided that they're going to meet it at some stage in children's literature (which is the one place you can guarantee it appearing) so it gets a nod.

The writing is very good without serious errors or typos. I have just a few comments and quibbles, however.

"...closed the flaps shut..." Redundant. One can hardly close them open.

"slinked" The past tense of "slink" is "slunk."

"...no distinction between the male of female genders." Typo.

I've been picky about these because we have to set a good example before the children. Not good to give them wrong ideas.

Your writing and voice is so attractive that I'm not going to deduct half a star from my rating for the quibbles. I'm aware that it's written for the current contest and under extreme pressure. As such it's remarkably free of error. And a quite beautiful piece, too.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4742870

Review of The One Who Stayed

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Different and very funny. I had to slow up and sort out my strawberry shortcakes a couple of times but that wasn't too serious. Essentially, it's a glorious romp through the evil designs of a mind with one obsessive intention that drives everything. The denouement wasn't expected but very sweet and the story completed with a large and colourful bow.

The writing is exactly suited to the subject. It's direct and full of, well, I suppose I must say hate, but that really sets the atmosphere. A strange world that must exist somewhere, filled with nasty little characters I hope never to meet. Thank goodness it's only satire.

It's a masterful piece in the end, an excellent example of its genre and I am only mildly troubled by the problem I had in working out the meaning in those strawberry shortcakes. Maybe I'm just too literal at times. Anyway, it's not enough of a flaw to deny you half of a star - I'll give you five for a truly excellent piece and a brilliant response to the prompt.

Well done indeed!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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#4742346

Review of A Cherished Gift

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I was not aware of the Plato quote that sparks this tale. Thank you for writing the vehicle that brought it to my attention, if only because it was by virtue of a Bard's Hall contest that I didn't see. Seems fairly obvious that it's the origin of the "better half" saying.

You have also produced a very fine response to the prompt. It's a deeply moving account of a critical time in your life and its ultimate resolution, in the shape of your wife, is described with accuracy and perfect timing. It's really hard to fault the piece in any way and I think you should congratulate yourself, not only on your literary skills, but also on the honesty that allowed you to speak of such personal matters.

I have two quibbles, however. The first is a very minor thing, the second more worrying in that it brings the reader to a sudden halt as he tries to sort things out.

"We share everything possible about our childhoods..." This sudden switch to the present is quite distracting. It's obviously not intended and is a common typo in missing the D off the end of "share."

"There was a significant setback for you..." Another sudden switch, this time apparently deliberate in that it's repeated later in the text. You abandon the reader to address your wife, without reason or introduction. My immediate reaction was to think, "No, there wasn't!" And then I realised you were talking to the lady, not me. I had to scan the text quickly to make sure you hadn't been talking to her all along. It was totally disruptive and you shouldn't do that.

Very easy to fix, however (just change "you" to "her" or "she," wherever appropriate). It pains me to deny half a star from so beautiful a piece but I have to do it - it's not ready for publication until you mend the problem. But I am still grateful for having read the story - thank you.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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#4742224

Review of Honouring James

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Honouring James by sindbad

This is a truly beautiful story told with great simplicity and honesty. There is no drama inserted nor overmuch made of small details - it deals with the story step by step, event by event, until it arrives at a wondrous conclusion. The reader is carried through it all with the narrator, feeling what he felt and seeing what he saw. Your style is perfect for this kind of tale - the bare facts do not need to be prettied by extravagant language or grand gestures.

The tale is that rare thing - an account of good in this world that lifts us and gives us hope. There's something special in being the bearer of such good news and you carry this most effectively. It is only because the writing is so well suited to its subject that I must point to a minor thing in the title that might cause a distraction to some readers. You've spelt "honour" the British way, with a U. That doesn't bother me, of course, but it does jar slightly with our idea of a piano teacher from Iowa. Let's keep your countrymen happy by spelling it "honor."

Other than that, it's perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. Thanks for brightening my day.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

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#4742204

Review of Wiarton Willie Is Whistling In The Wind

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Wiarton Willie Is Whistling In The Wind by SandraLynn Team Florent!

Here's a bit of fun indeed. You tell the story very well and we soon begin to feel we know the characters, especially the poor mayor as the bogus sighting reports start coming in. These are the main comic aspects of the tale, of course, some of them being quite surreal. Was it the joker or Willie seated on the bous bound for Toronto, I wonder. Sometimes we make funnier jokes than we intended.

You write very well, with a light touch and accurate phrasing that delivers things quickly and without fuss. It's all so delightfully simple and straightforward, everything laid out neatly, so we're guided through effortlessly and without deflection. The one thing you might do for improvement is to increase the font size a little. Old codgers like me sometimes have difficulty with the smaller sizes. Failing eyesight and all that, you know.

I was a bit surprised that Willie didn't turn up at the end. I'd been expecting it since most stories of this type go for the happy ending. But it's fine to leave it as a surprise. Just that now we're all wondering what really did happen to Willie.

A most enjoyable tale and a pleasant break from the toil of the day. Thank you!

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

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#4742195

Review of The Journals of Mary Brownstone

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Journals of Mary Brownstone by Lady Elizabeth Mormont

What a refreshing piece this is. I loved the tone of it, the personality of the journalist leaping from your words into existence - you made the lady come alive. It was a wonderful idea, too, to imagine her writing a journal to record her thoughts and, ultimately, triumphs of the day. She is gloriously dismissive of the talents of her boss, and this makes her so human and believable.

The only thing I'm having a little trouble with is the date. Were we really that backward in 1968? I don't remember it like that but, thinking about it now, I realise that it must have been. We see each age through eyes accustomed to that age and only gradually do they become adjusted to later ages. Like not realising how dark it was in a room until we step out into the light and have something to compare it with. My beloved sixties were not quite so wonderful a time as I imagined.

It was wonderful too to read something about history. It's a neglected subject these days and yet without it we are lost in the fog. You handled it so well, bringing it to life through the journal and, no doubt, teaching many about the period. It's a most enjoyable piece and I have no hesitation in awarding it five stars.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4742008

Review of Guitar and Cowgirl Boots

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is wonderful. It's like a chant, echoing from a deep past recalled by these few objects of meaning, a chant that rhymes most clearly in the repeated "strife" and "life," yet weaving others less noticeably through its lines. The effect is profoundly moving in a way we cannot understand, a combination of visual and aural clues that tugs strings to the forgotten places in our hearts. It's really quite masterful.

The lines are short and oft repeated, thus setting up what I have referred to as a chant. The short lines don't allow us to read on through, as thought it were prose, and the repetition establishes a pattern in our minds, no doubt echoing our need for order in a random world. Deep sadness is added as we learn of the loss of a loved one, whose belongings these objects were, a tolling bell and a motel room redolent of the empty ache that the departed has left behind.

In short, it's a powerful piece, made more so by a very careful and strong structure. I do not usually review poetry, especially form and structured poems, but this one stopped me on my through Read & Review, so taken was I with its opening lines. You, sir, can write.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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#4741786

Review of The Cutting Edge

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Cutting Edge by StephBee - GOT Survivor

Excellent title! And very romantic. Which is interesting to me since I'm beginning to write a few myself and I need to read how others do it if I'm going to succeed at all.So this is valuable for me and I thank you.

But first things first:

Happy WDC Anniversary!

What struck me in reading this is how smoothly everything went. That's partly because your writing is so natural and without distractions like disrupted flow, lumpy pace, or unusual word choices, but also because there's not much conflict involved. Were I particularly bound by such things myself, I might point this out as a weakness, but I think it actually adds to the attraction of the piece. How often have you watched a show or read a book, and hoped at some point that no further disaster were going to impede the protagonist's progress? I know I have - often. A story can be as easily spoiled by too much conflict as too little.

There is conflict in the form of the two coaches advising against the whole thing but these are easily brushed aside - our heros are too good to be so easily swayed from their purpose. And besides, if they give in, there's no story to tell!

The story benefits from this smooth transition to a happy ending because it's a feel-good thing, a glorious celebration of how great it is when things go right. There's nothing wrong with that, and you've taught me to accept it when my attempts at romantic tales go a similar route.

The one minor area where I wonder whether improvement is possible, is in the conversation between Alyssa and her coach. Toward the end of it, the dialogue becomes like an argument between machine guns, quickfire short bursts rattled out wiuthout any supporting information and action. I didn't lose track of who was saying what but, for a moment, I felt as if I were in the middle of a snowball fight. The pace may have quickened a little too much and it might be an idea to slow it down slightly with the occasional reference to an expression or action by the speakers.

Apart from that, I can't see a flaw in the piece. It's a most impressive and enjoyable story told effortlessly (apparently) well. Applasuse.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

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#4741473

Review of What lurks beyond the flowers- Pt I

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

What a wonderful beginning. I love the old style writing, the unhurried, nay, leisurely pace, and the detailed descriptions. You have a good vocabulary and know how to use it gently and naturally. And your story is good as far as it goes. I find myself wanting to know what happens next and that, surely, is a good sign.

Just a couple of matters of presentation. The piece presents as rather cluttered and pressed together. When submitting for publication, it is usuasl to start paragraphs with an indent but, on the internet and for reading on screen, it's better to put a space between them by hitting Enter twice. This allows the eye a rest between paragraphs.

It's also advisable to provide a word count, either at the top or bottom of the text. This gives an immediate idea of the length which is important for reviewers, editors, and the like. You'll find it useful, too.

There were a couple of language usage issues as well. Not massive but for perfection, I'll list them here:

"I receive a critical lour from the eye, but not a word." "Lour" is a verb, not a noun, although I know what you mean. "Scan" might be better.

"Beneath my feet lays an ornate rug..." Oh dear, that lay/lie problem again. In this context, it should be lie.

Other than those miniscule matters, the piece is perfect, really enjoyable, and I'll bet the whole thing, when completed, will be a best seller. Beautiful work.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4741208

Review of Death's Door

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Death's Door by Present Tense

I like this. You certainly know how to tell a story. And this is told in a straightforward, simple style that suits the tale and doesn't become too dark - which is an obvious danger when writing of this subject.

It's an imaginative story too - I don't think I've ever reacd about someone cleaning up their own grave site before. Yet somehow it isn't a shock in the end at all. Everything keeps the rather quiet tone of the whole piece. And maybe that's a problem in the end. I think the tale does need a bit more drama to boost the ending. Not anything silly, like ghosts rising from the grave or zombies appearing from the mausoleums - more of a sudden understanding in the narrator, perhaps of a new depth to his relationship with his father, or a change in attitude that leads to the name and dates on the gravestone gradually fading away. Something like that might give the story more purpose, more pzazz at the end.

But it's just a suggestion. As it stands, the story succeeds pretty well, if a little purposeless. It's well enough written to give enjoyment anyway. And who knows how we'd all react in similar circumstances? I dare say I might remain as cool as this narrator.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4741103

Review of The Tale of Peter Piglet

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of The Tale of Peter Piglet by Dave Ryan

First things first - congratulations on the Quill win. Those are not easy to get.

Then what I think is my only quibble. It's not really for children, is it? I mean, it's funny from an adult point of view as we've all had experience of how a bunch of kids can reduce anything to chaos with a few innocent questions. But it wouldn't work with children. They'd spoil it by asking the questions before you could get to the written ones.

It is actually very hard to write for children. The little blighters are extremely difficult tp predict and seem to be aware of every adult weakness in the book. So we end up either condescending to them (in which case they give much worse in return) or aiming way above their heads (and then they won't listen). The best is just to write for them when inspired - just like for adults, in fact.

So that's my only suggestion for improvement - think of another genre rather than children's. Entertainment would fit well enough. And don't put down Contest Entry as a genre. That info is given in the text anyway so it's a mere unnecessary repeat and a waste of a genre type. And each of those brings in more readers searching for that particular thing.

Other than that, it's well written, hilariously close to the truth, imaginative, and obviously inspired by experience. Well done indeed.

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4740835

Review of Tinkering Dreams

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Tinkering Dreams by Scarypotato-doing bettertoday

It's often the case that the loss of one thing leads to the finding of a better one. Nice little story, although I'm not sure that the ending is sufficient to satisfy the reader. Otherwise, it's a very competently told tale with plenty of interest and an engaging imagination.

One minor detail did succeed in irritating me. The word is "titfer," not "tifter."
It comes from Cockney slang, abbreviated from "titfer-tat" - for "hat" - to "titfer."It's quite difficult to differentiate between the T and the F in this font size so it might just be a mistake. But it's also a good reason to increase the font size to make the whole thing more readable.

Steampunk is my latest rave so I was particularly happy to have found this piece. You establish the right time period very early on (oh those dark satanic mills) and keep it going throughout, never lapsing into jarring anachronisms. This is so important in the genre and I must congratulate you on your handling of it.

In conclusion, I think that the story is a good starting point for a much longer tale, perhaps a book or a series. You have two good, believable characters, they're young and so there's plenty of mileage in them, and the period is bristling with possibilities for unusual adventures. The sole weakness in the piece is in the ending, as far as I can see. It would be fine as the ending of a chapter but, as the end of a story, it's a bit flat. Which is another way of saying that the tale begs to continue - and giving him a better job puts a stop to that. Imagine the highjinks Hal and Ashe could get up to with her streetwise knowledge and his ability with machines!

Review by
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Beholden

for

"Game of Thrones"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .