Review of ZUK and ZUB - A Fable For Our Time, by foxtale .
Initial Impression:
I was pleased to see that the work is, as billed, "a fable for our time," as I have written a few of these myself. It's a fairly rare species these days and so good to discover that I'm not the only person trying to keep it alive. Old Aesop was a much underrated guy, in my opinion.
Title:
This introduces the two friends, Zuk and Zub, together with an explanation of the work itself. Unfortunately, I have my doubts as to name selection. Having the friends' names so similar to each other risks confusion for the reader. It makes things much easier if the names are different, thereby allowing instant identification throughout the text. I had to concentrate upon the names for the first half of the tale to be sure I was getting the right person in the right place. This eased about halfway through and the rest flowed much more easily as a result. Never give the reader an excuse to put the piece down, is my motto, and names are a an example of this. One of the reasons I never got deeply into Russian novels was the sheer incomprehensibility of the names used. They were too complicated to be memorised easily and I didn't bother.
This means that you would have to change the title of course, and you may be loth to do that. It's worth considering, however.
Content:
It's an amusing tale told with considerable humour and a clever solution to the problem presented. The sable and the ermine are indeed types of weasel, and so it's a valid hinge for the story to rely upon. You are very good, too, at describing the setting by incidental details introduced for a laugh but also giving an idea of the world in which the characters live. As regards humour, I'd have just one adverse comment - don't harp on their language being unable to deal with complex concepts. One joke in this vein is sufficient, I think. The reader will get the idea that these are not tremendously sophisticated creatures and the point doesn't need to be hammered. There is a lot of mixing of both sides of this coin anyway (interesting to see these cavemen inventing the idea of a senate thousands of years before the Greeks, for instance), so let's not offer the reader too many similar anomalies.
Style:
You have a delightful tongue-in-cheek style exactly suited to this type of tale. I can see the slight smile on your face as you write of this world and its inhabitants. It's the first requirement of good writing that we are in love with what we are writing about and you demonstrate the truth of this quite admirably. And no grammatical errors or typos for me to point out! It seems you can edit as well.
Flow/Pace:
The tale rolls along at a suitably jolly pace and never gets rushed or bogged down. What more could anyone ask?
Suggestions:
Well, I've made a couple and, to be honest, neither were absolutely earth-shattering. The story is fine as it stands and my comments are intended merely to polish it a little. Entirely your decision whether you take any note of them, of course.
Overall Impression:
I see the story has been published a couple of times already, and that it's been reviewed a few times as well. Which makes me wonder why you wanted my opinion on the matter too. Not that I'm unhappy to do it (ooh, double negative) as I'm always on the lookout for more gift points. But it's a well-crafted and produced story and I think you should have more confidence in it. In fact, you should be proud of having produced such excellent work. Write on, as they say in WDC!
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