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574 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Death Chamber  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, willwilcox!


I just read your item, "Death Chamber and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.



Plot:

The plot in this story was well-written. It flowed very well throughout the story and yet, still left some elements up to the reader's imagination. Beautifully done!

Characterization:

Your characters were realistic and authentic, an important element when writing a story or chapter such as this. My only suggestion would be a better description of Jerome Hawkins. Other than his height, we really don't have any idea of what he looks like. However, on the other hand, it was very easy for me to picture Simon Franks. Overall, well done on your characterizations.

Grammar:

Your grammar was spot-on. The grammar used in the dialogue between the characters was authentic to the way they talk and their mannerisms. You did very well on this!

Flow of Chapter or Story:

The flow of this story was natural and followed the plot from beginning to end. This made it very easy to follow the story and what was going on. Well done!

Dialogue:

The dialogue was natural to the characters involved. My only suggestion here is that when Jerome says,

“Yeah, yeah, door’s open...come on in!”

Personally, if I was tired and just wanted to come home, I would have just said,

"Yeah, yeah, door's open." I would not have just invited them in - especially if I was at work.

Other than that, I was able to relate to the dialogue between the characters and it was authentic. Again, well-done!

Setting:

The setting is in Jerome's office at the police station. However, other than this, we have no description of what the office looks like, whether it is clean or messy, if there's food laying around from Jerome's uneaten lunch, etc. This leaves it entirely up to the reader to imagine what the room looks like, and for someone who has never seen the inside of a police station, it could prove to be difficult and they would have to rely upon images from television or movies. Might I suggest that you add a brief description of Jerome's office to help the reader really picture the scene? Everything else in the scene really works in this story!

Other Comments:

I really enjoyed reading this. I think with just a bit more detail, this would prove to be an awesome short story that could stand on its own or a chapter of a longer story about crime and corruption. It was very well-written and very intriguing! It really left me wanting to read more!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




*Leafo*This review is a gift to you from "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP*Leafo*



** Image ID #2116192 Unavailable **
177
177
Rated: E | (4.5)
"butt I can tell from" - it should be spelled "but."

"i don't carry much cash" - should be capitalized I.

Other than that, you did well on this story. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing, my friend!

Bonnie
178
178
Review of The Rebirthday  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"with emotions that seemed of overwhelm her." - shouldn't it read "with emotions that seemed TO overwhelm her."

Other than that, this was a well-written, intriguing story. I loved the ending! Keep up the great writing!

Bonnie
179
179
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautifully written! Flow, rhythm and rhyme are perfect! Great job! Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
180
180
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this poem. Rhythm and flow seemed to work beautifully, as did the rhyme. I could picture certain aspects of this - ripples in a pond, diamonds glowing white. You really did well with this. Keep up the wonderful writing - I love reading your poetry!

B.M. Ray
181
181
Review of Feeding The Wyrm  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I loved reading this, although the sad truth it holds is evident. Rhythm and flow were spot on. You really did wonderful on this. This poem was well-written with solid thoughts and ideas, which were very clear right from the start. Keep up the wonderful writing, my friend!

B.M. Ray
182
182
Review of BANG!  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Okay, for an intentionally bad story, you succeeded. The plot of the story was lost on me. I was bored reading it. I do, however, like how the purple monster turned out to be a trick-or-treating child. You may not have won the Intentionally Bad Story Contest, but this definitely qualified as a bad story. Keep writing, my friend - and I am sure that you write very well.

B.M. Ray
183
183
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a very informative article. It was well-written, and pointed out several different types of lighthouses. My only two suggestions are: Double check the formatting of the 4th paragraph - I'm not sure if you meant to use two paragraphs or one, and I had to read it twice. The only other thing was when I tried to bring up the PopUp Text, it wouldn't show anything. Other than that, you did a wonderful job on this! Great job - keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
184
184
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I actually got a laugh out of this - it seems more like a song. Sadly, that's usually how it goes with alcoholism. You did a beautiful job on this - the rhythm, the flow and the rhyme all work together very well. I love how you repeated the first stanza throughout. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
185
185
Review of With Great Thanks  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful tribute to auric. There are so many wonderful people here on WDC! I am glad you got your inspiration back. Remember, one day at a time. You will get there. This was very well written, and I will be going to check out that poem you mentioned. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
186
186
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is beautiful. Very sad, as is the loss of any loved one - especially a child. But there is love here, and that is obvious. You did wonderful on this. I wouldn't change a thing. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
187
187
Review of FEMA Blues  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all worked together. Sadly enough, this is the truth of FEMA - when they are needed, they are not there. You did wonderful on this poem. It reflects what survivors of Katrina are still going through, even to this day. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
188
188
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was well-written and although sad, I did enjoy reading it! I did not see any grammatical issues that made it difficult to read. I would like to read more about your brother. I would be interested to know more about your relationship with your brother. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
189
189
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This was beautiful! Funny, worrisome and quite interesting. We never know what our little four-legged children are up to! This was well-written and easy to follow. I did not see any grammatical issues that took away from the story or distracted me. I was glad to find out that Boo didn't actually eat the little blue bread tie. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
190
190
Review of The Artist  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading this. I could picture an artist sitting at his canvas, painting. I could see the colors as he puts them on the canvas. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all work really well together. This was beautifully written. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
191
191
Review of The Horizon  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"All, conditions of life" - do you really need the comma after the word "All"? it seemed to me to break up the rhythm a bit in this line.

Other than that, I think you did wonderful on this. Great emotion, great message. Other than what I pointed out above, the rhythm seemed to work very well. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
192
192
Review of Ode To A Vampire  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The rhythm and flow of this poem was spot on! I loved the story it tells - using very few words! I could actually picture a vampire out looking for blood among the innocents. You did very well on this and I really enjoyed it! Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
193
193
Review of My fairy  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this poem. Great imagery. Solid ideas. Rhythm and flow seemed to work pretty well. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
194
194
Review of She's A Rock  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is beautiful. You followed form perfectly and I love how you pay tribute to your sister. I could actually feel the pain, but I could also feel the strength she has. More than that, I could feel your love for her. I loved the hourglass type shape the poem is in as well. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
195
195
Review of Gratitude  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful story of how adoption can go so well. Sadly, not all adoptions end this way. You did beautifully on this and I really loved reading it. It was well-written and what I loved the most is the fact that it was written from the heart. Great job and keep writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
196
196
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You make such valid points in this! Your observations are well-thought out, well-written and well-rounded. I personally believe that our education system is more interested in statistics rather than a good education for EVERY student, and that is the sad state of our country. You put this out there in a very good rant article. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
197
197
Review of She  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful poem for your wife! I hope she loved it! The rhythm and flow seemed to work well, and I could really feel your strong love for her. You really did well on this. I saw nothing that detracted from the poem or caused difficulty reading it. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
198
198
Review of The Cow Caper  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was quite amusing! The rhythm and flow worked very well, and the rhyme scheme was spot on. Great job on this! I can see why it won the Writer's Cramp for March 17, 2017! I could actually feel the plight of the cow trying to escape a horrible fate. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
199
199
Review of Spirit Dance  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, Ken! It's me again. I loved this poem. Based on your description of the Kyrielle Sonnet, you followed this form very well. I love the repetition of the line, "The wind sings of your love to me." The rhythm and flow of this poem is spot on. I can feel the love in this poem. Wonderful job here. Keep up the great writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
200
200
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I could really feel your pain as I read through this. You were able to express deep pain in few words. Just remember, you are not alone. There are those who are with you on your journey, even when it feels you are all alone. This was well-written. I hope and pray all works out for you. Keep writing - writing can be very therapeutic!

B.M. Ray
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