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Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of The Prayer Quilt  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello GeminiGem🐒 !

I read your "The Prayer Quilt as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge in "Wheel of Torture.



*Dragon* General Impression

Wow. This was such a powerful read for me. I have a friend's mom who survived breast cancer. It was so tough for both my friend and her mom. I remember them getting a prayer quilt, but I couldn't tell you who it was from. Nevertheless, this story tells of the power and love that these quilts give. This was absolutely beautiful.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I love the way you incorporate your Christian faith into this piece. At times when it is so difficult, you showed through Trina, that it is possible to "Be still." Thank you for this.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I guess my only suggestion on this beautiful story would be to add a bit more to the description of what the quilt looked like. By this, what colors did it have? Was it pastel? Bright primary colors? Neon? Did it have a color pattern with just a few colors?

I didn't see any issues with grammar, spelling or word usage. Very nice job with this!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

Thank you for sharing this inspirational story - your faith really shines through. This story gives us hope. It's sad, but uplifting. And it points to our true Healer. This really was beautiful!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
127
127
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello GeminiGem🐒 !

I read your "Bug Guts and Butt Cramps as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge in "Wheel of Torture.



*Dragon* General Impression

Your title, Bug Guts and Butt Cramps is what drew me into this piece. As I read about your muse riding along with you on your trips to Sturgis, I was reminded of all the times I have been on a long road trip (or sometimes a trip as short as to the grocery store) and my muse has decided to suddenly activate. You did a great job showing me that.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

Have you thought about posting and tagging some of the stories your muse has come up with while you are on these road trips? By tagging those in this story (at least here on WDC,) it would tell just a bit more about you and draw us into your other writings.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I didn't see any issues with grammar, spelling, word usage. Your work in this shows you took the time to proofread your work, and that makes it easier for your reader to understand what they are reading. Beautiful work here.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

My favorite part of this was:
I have her trained to join me in the comfort of my recliners, snuggled up with two or more dogs. That is actually my favorite place to write. I don't need the bug guts and butt cramps to write.

I can definitely relate to not needing your muse to pop up while you're on the road, as mine tends to do every other week or more.

This was great! Thank you for sharing!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
128
128
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This really touched my heart. It's always sad when we have to take our "four-legged children" on that last journey to the vet, and you captured that sadness very well. As I read this, I felt your pain. I also enjoyed the memories of Pepper that you shared in this. Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing!

B.M. Ray


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
129
129
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello SammyJankis !

I read your "Dark Clouds of Memory as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

I love your descriptiveness in this story. I could picture the entire scene taking place right in front of me. Very nicely done!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I did become a tad bit confused by the following line:
"Like a hunted and wounded animal, Khaya fell to his knees, defeated."

I think the reason I was confused by this was because as you describe Khaya's movements, you use words such as "slithering," and you describe an environment where everything seems to be taller than Khaya. As I was reading, I got the impression that Khaya was a snake or lizard, until I read that he fell to his knees.

Other than that, this was a really great story! I sat at the edge of my seat while reading it!


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

The only other thing I saw was this:
"He Jumped as the birds shrieked, agitated and angry, flapping as one large, vague shape into the dimming sky."

I don't believe the word jumping should be capitalized since it is not the beginning of a sentence, nor is it a proper noun.

Other than that, your word usage was very descriptive, and I saw no other issues. Great job!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

The end of this story left me wanting to know what the storm was. I wanted to know what happened to Khaya. This was a very well-written story, and your descriptions made it easy for me to picture the scene. I believe that this is the beginning to what could prove to be a wonderful book! Nicely done!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! I see you have only been on WDC for a few months. Let me take an opportunity to welcome you to a wonderful community of writers helping writers!*Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
130
130
Review of Is You?  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Dave is home recovering !

I read your "Is You? as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge in "Wheel of Torture.



*Dragon* General Impression

I loved reading this, and I laughed as I did. So many times, writers forget to check their work before they send it in, making an easy decision for an editor to reject their work.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I personally love the way you purposely used improper grammar and English. That made all the more funny to read. I read it several times, and each time, I had to laugh. Well done!


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not see any issues with your poem. I think the improper use of English added value to this. Nicely done.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

My favorite part was:

"Just 'cuz you editors has the power,
sittin' up there in your ivory tower,
to trash manuscripts by the reams,
don't give you no right to squash my dreams."


In just this one stanza, you describe what every writer feels when they receive a rejection (or even before they receive a rejection.) I absolutely love this poem! It really got me to thinking about what the editors go through, but at the same time, what writers feel as well. I think you did well in showing what a writer feels, but also showing us how frustrating it can be for an editor to read something that hasn't been edited and checked over before being submitted. Great job!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
131
131
Review of Praise the Writer  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Gaby !

I read your "Praise the Writer as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge in "Wheel of Torture.



*Dragon* General Impression

Your title, "Praise the Writer" is what drew me in. I had to see what you had to say, and since it was in the satire genre, I figured it would be funny - and it was. As an active review on WDC, what you express here in this is definitely something I can relate to. Very nicely done.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I think anyone who has done reviews on WDC and gotten back a not-so-nice reply can definitely relate to this. The writer being reviewed starts out nice (most of the time,) but as time goes on and more errors are spotted and brought up, they get upset and want to lash back at you. You did a wonderful job portraying this.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

The only issue that I saw is where you capitalized every single line. If line 2 is a continuation of line 1, you may not need to capitalize it. Here is an example of what I mean:
"Not sure how to explain this,
Your story just went south.
Truly, I have to disagree with you,
But I’ll try to watch my mouth."


could read like this:
"Not sure how to explain this,
your story just went south.
Truly, I have to disagree with you,
but I’ll try to watch my mouth."


Other than that, I think this is awesome! You really did a great job!

*Dragon* Closing Comments

Oh, how I could relate to this. Many reviewers on WDC can. You really did a wonderful job of portraying someone who isn't always grateful or accepting of the help that's offered - even when they ask for it.

Thankfully, most folks here on WDC are a whole lot nicer, so the negative responses don't happen too much.

Great job on this! I really enjoyed reading it, and got a laugh out of it.


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
132
132
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Eric Jorgensen !

I read your "How Do I *EARP* Love Thee? as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This review is part of my challenge from "Wheel of Torture.



*Dragon* General Impression

Oh how I laughed as I read through this. I love the way you add humor to a situation that, I'm sure at the time, was not at all amusing. Your title was what drew me in to read about your Valentine's Day experience. I can definitely relate to having a sick child puke all over you.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

There are so many ways to describe puking and being puked on by a kid - you did great in using a variety of terms to describe this. Any parent can read through this and relate.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I didn't see any issues with grammar, spelling or word usage in this. Beautiful job!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

As I said earlier, any parent can relate to being puked on by their child. But I think my absolute favorite part was:
"As you hork and ralph and spew and yak
Tis but a valentine written ‘cross my shirt.
"

You take a situation that most would not necessarily find funny and turn it into a good thing. This shows how strong your love for your child is, although it expresses it in a unique thought pattern. This was awesome! Thank you for sharing this!



These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
133
133
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello GK !

I read your "No One Told Me it was a Formal Occasion as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month. This was part of my challenge for "Wheel of Torture.



*Dragon* General Impression

Your title, No One Told Me It Was a Formal Occasion drew me in. In reading your description, and throughout your poem, I could see a regal Tuxedo Cat sitting tall. I love your descriptions here.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I thought it was great that you mention that he was the runt of the litter, almost destroyed, but how empty your heart would've been if you didn't have him. This was beautiful. It truly shows just how much you love your cat.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion is this: The Runt of the litter, - I do not believe that the word "runt" needed to be capitalized, since the way you are using it in your sentence does not denote a proper name. I believe the same would go for the line, "to this party, my Life,".

Other than that, I did not see any issues at all with regards to word usage, grammar or rhythm and flow. Very nicely done!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I used to have cats when I was growing up, and even into adulthood, and I remember feeding them and cleaning out the litterboxes, so I was definitely able to relate to that and get a chuckle at the same time. But I can also relate to how much love you show for your cat in this - I felt the same way about my cats. Great job with this!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
134
134
Review of Dress Codes  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Jatog the Green !

I read your "Dress Codes as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

I think this was well-written. I have to say, my favorite part is:
Though Spike always dressed in Goth,
this day the raiment would be plaid;
and so he donned the checked cloth,
but when he did, he cried, “Egad!”


I am not a fan of plaid, either. Solid colors work best for me, and you do a good job highlighting how black works best for Spike. It was also a bit humorous as well. Nicely done.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I was just wondering, but the words you have in bold - what contest did you enter this piece in? I think your readers would like to know this.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion would be to read this poem out loud to yourself as if you'd never seen it before. As I was reading it, the rhythm seemed just a tad bit off, and by reading it out loud to yourself, you'll be able to hear where the rhythm falters just a bit and fix it.

Other than that, I saw no other issues - very nicely done!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

Who needs dress codes anyway? I hate them! I love your humorous look at being forced to wear plaid when simple black will do. This was well done, and although I'm not Gothic, I can definitely relate to how Spike was feeling! Great job!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
135
135
Review of Name your Domain  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello The prodigal son returns 2021. !

I read your "Name your Domain as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

There is so much truth in what you have written here. Profound truth, if one chooses to see it. This was well-thought out, and well-written.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I love the way you show me how I can choose to be a queen or be enslaved - nicely done here! I love how I was able to relate to what you've written.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I only have one suggestion. Try reading your poem out loud to yourself as if you had never seen it before. This will show you if there are any issues with rhythm and flow. To me, it seemed just a bit off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly where it got lost.

Other than that, you did a wonderful job with this. Word usage was appropriate, and your poem is one that can be related to by most, if not all of humanity.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

Sometimes profound truths can be said in so few words, as you have demonstrated in "Name your Domain. Very nicely done. This poem really gives me something to think about, and it gives me the opportunity to make the decision on whether I want to rule my domain as a queen or be enslaved to it. This was a needed message for me. Thank you!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
136
136
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Maci !

I read your "The Giggle Monster as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This was a cute poem that I believe kids everywhere would love. And it takes away the dreaded fear of the "monster under my bed."


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I love the way you talk about this "monster" as a friend rather than an enemy. This should make kids (and adults who are kids at heart) feel at ease when they hear that "bump in the night." I laughed at your solution to the constant laughing Gig by taking off his boots. Nicely done.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

Your word usage was appropriate, your rhythm and flow were nicely done. My only suggestion would be maybe a font color change - it may just be my eyesight, but the font color you used made it a bit difficult for me to track.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

My children would really love this. I believe lots of children would. It gives them a reasonable explanation for monsters that isn't scary at all, and gives them a way to control the monster. I couldn't help but laugh a bit as I read this. This was very well written. "The Giggle Monster was a fun read, and I really hope you had as much fun writing it as I did reading! You definitely have a talent for writing for children! Wonderful job!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
137
137
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is beautiful! I really felt the love you have for Karen as I read through this. I love how you take me on your journey from being alone to having a special friend. Absolutely beautifully written! I have no suggestions for improvement on this - the rhythm, flow are spot on. Word usage is great, and you do a wonderful job of "showing" us your journey. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
138
138
Review of Rainfall  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Alissa Rose !

I read your "Rainfall as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This was inspirational to me - it really made me look at rain in a completely different way. Thank you for that. Great job on this!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

One of the things I love about this is how you show me the pain, the tears falling in the form of rain. You do a wonderful job with this.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion is to try reading this out loud to yourself and check your rhythm. Poetry must have a steady rhythm. Do this, and I believe you can make this poem perfect.

Other than that, you did great and I saw no other issues with this. Nice job!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I have a couple of favorite parts in this poem. The first is where you describe the rain as crystalline tears. That really hit home for me. I can picture tears that look crystal clear.

My second favorite part was your last line, Until the sun glistens once again. This gives me hope. In today's day and age, hope is definitely needed, and this line gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Beautiful job!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! I see you are fairly new to WDC. Let me welcome you to this wonderful community. I hope that your time here is enjoyable and creative. Welcome!*Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
139
139
Review of A Rush Of Wings  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello DakotaSkye !

I read your "A Rush Of Wings as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This was well-written. I love how you use imagery to show me what you are experiencing and feeling. I was able to relate to this experience as I read. Great job!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

In poetry, it is really important to "show," not "tell." You did a wonderful job on showing what you were experiencing.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I only have one suggestion. Read your poem out loud to yourself as if you are reading it for the first time, having never seen it before. By doing this, it will show you where the rhythm tends to falter just a bit. I can't put my finger on exactly where this happens, but when I read it, I can feel it. Other than this, you did a wonderful job on this poem.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

My favorite part of this was:
When I slowly stand to take my leave,
I take in the beauty all around,
so I shall not soon forget,
and discount today among ordinary things,
for it was touched by heaven,
in a sudden rush of wings.


It shows just how important it is to look for the beauty in the everyday. Thank you for reminding me of this!

Again, you did a wonderful job with this poem and I really felt what you experienced!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! Welcome to WDC - this is a wonderful community and I hope your time here is awesome!*Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
140
140
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hello Gaby !

I read your "Surrender the Soul as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

Wow! Your descriptions in this are vivid. As I read, I can feel the heat, see the brutes and fiends, see the bloody footprints and flesh covering the walls. You really did a great job on this, although I must admit the subject matter is a bit creepy. *Wink*


*Dragon* Something to Think About

My favorite part was:

"Take a step back and make a decision
to hold your life in your own hands
or take a step forward to sign your fate."


I think the reason for this is because it gives your readers a choice to change their fate - they can either take their lives in their hands and do something different or they can stay with the status quo and deal with whatever fate dishes out. Nice job!


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion is to try reading this out loud to yourself. For me, the rhythm seemed just a tad bit off - not by much, but by reading this out loud to yourself as if you've never seen it before, it will show you where the rhythm seems to falter.

Other than that, beautiful job! Word usage, grammar, etc...all wonderfully done.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

Overall, this was a well-written poem that is very descriptive. You do a wonderful job of "showing" rather than "telling." Great job!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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141
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Kenzie !

I read your "We Are So Gullible as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

Your title, "We Are So Gullible" drew me in, and then when I read the description, I really wanted to read more. As I read your article, it reminded me of those old "chain letters" from the old days - "Mail this letter to x number of friends and the person who mailed it to you, and xyz will happen..." Ugh! Nice job relating it to today's modern technology!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

This is something anyone with a computer and email has dealt with from time to time, I'm sure. When I get those types of emails, no matter who they are from, I delete them. I really like how you compare grabbing neighbors and racing to the mall for the same type of promises to forwarding emails for promised goods.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

The only thing that made me look twice was the following sentence:

"But those same people and thousands and thousands of others gladly responded to crazy emails."

I think if you worded it as "thousands upon thousands of others....." it would read just a tad bit smoother.

Other than that, you did an awesome job, and I saw no other issues.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

You point out how gullible people are when it comes to the internet, and tend to do things such as forwarding these crazy emails on the computer without a second thought, but these are things we may not do if we were asked to do something in real life, such as you describe grabbing up all your neighbors and forcing a trip to the mall. You validated your point, and your point is believable, and - if I dare say so myself - agreed with by so many others....Now if we could just get the rest of the world to believe. Again, wonderful job on this article. "We Are So Gullible really hits home and is very well written. Great job!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


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142
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello ♥HOOves♥ !

I read your "The Night I Ate My Words as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This was a great lighthearted take on the phrase "Eating my words." I really enjoyed reading this! I chuckled throughout as I read.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I love the way you took what can happen to us as humans and turned it into what could happen to a writing cow. Sometimes, we really do get so involved in what we are doing on the computer that we don't realize how much time has passed or what is going on around us....that is until an internal signal hits us from out of the blue, like a growling tummy!


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

"These outages were caused by storms, usually, and living way out in the country, where the service is slower than molasses."

This sentence threw me off a bit, and I had to read it several times before I got the meaning of what you were saying. Might I suggest removing the word "where"?? And maybe swap the a few words, which would allow you to remove one comma. It might make a bit more sense to your reader:

"These outages were usually caused by storms, and living way out in the country, the service is slower than molasses."

Other than that, you did a wonderful job and I saw no other issues. Awesome!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I love this story. "The Night I Ate My Words was a very cute take on the adage of eating our words, and you took something that most of us see as negative, and showed us how it could turn into a positive, even if a bit unrealistic...LOL. Beautiful job on this!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


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Review of The Skirt  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello iKïyå§ama !

I read your "The Skirt as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This speaks powerfully about how one person can make such an impact on so many people - either for good or bad, depending on how it is viewed. There is a lesson to be learned here, for sure. Great job!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I love the way you describe the boys' reactions to Nancy LaChance and her short skirt, knees showing. You really did an awesome job with describing the scene. I could picture this going on in many small towns. The emotions you describe - even without naming them, really gave me a sense of the atmosphere going on. Beautifully done.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not see any issues with spelling, grammar, punctuation. The only issue I did see was in your last paragraph, where you show the girls coming to school with their skirts shortened and Nancy LaChance's reaction, the formatting is different than the rest of the page - the line lengths are shorter. I am not sure if this was done on purpose to help make a point, but for me, it sort of distracted me while I was reading. Other than that, absolutely wonderful job!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I love how the girls all showed solidarity at the end, showing up at school with their skirts cut and sewn or ripped....and the reaction to this by Nancy. Priceless. It's amazing to think that one person can have such an impact on changing society's "norms" to fit the times we live in. You really did a great job portraying that, and with your language, you really set the scene so I could picture it entirely in my head while I was reading.


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


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144
144
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello warpedsanity !

I read your "Autism Misunderstood as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

Wow! This poem really touched home for me. I, too, have an autistic son. You point out all of the good points that you saw in your son, yet the rest of the world doesn't see - all they see is what he can't do - his flaws. Beautiful job on this!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I really love how you portrayed your son in such a positive light, despite his flaws. Definitely the touch of a mother who loves her son more than anything! Beautifully done.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

The only issue I saw with this was that although you were continuing a sentence from one line to the next, you capitalized the first letter of each line. I know this may sound confusing - it was to me when I first found out - but unless that line is the beginning of a new sentence or a new stanza, there is no need to capitalize the first letter.

Other than that, I did not see any issues with grammar, punctuation or spelling. Great job with this!


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I applaud the fact that you are speaking out and trying to change the world's opinion of autistic children. So many times, all the world sees is the temper tantrums, the inability to read and comprehend well, the slow learning, etc. You did a beautiful job of showing that although communication may be difficult with your son, he truly is smart - and definitely a whiz kid! Thank you so much for bringing beauty into a situation that can sometimes be so ugly and raising awareness!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*

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Review of No more you  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was painful to read. I really felt your heartbreak as I read through line by line. My favorite part is:

"Bare myself as hopelessly flawed
I have to give it all to God
Allow Him to work His will.
To fix my soul, my heart to heal.
His wondrous works I applaud."

As a fellow Christian, I applaud how you were able to surrender everything to God, allowing Him to work His purpose through your pain, while still being able to praise Him. This is definitely a difficult thing for us to do when we are in the midst of our pain.

My only suggestions on this are the capitalization at the beginning of every single line, and your punctuation at the end of every line. This is not always necessary. Try reading through as someone who has never seen this poem before, and see if you can recognize the problems with the rhythm that the punctuation causes. I give a revised example below:

"I ask God to explain,
why I'm to feel this pain?
The world goes on and on
as if you were never born.
Where do I put the blame?"

Other than that, I think you did a beautiful job! I really enjoyed reading this (despite the pain,) because it shows just how much you depend on God to see you through. Keep up the great writing!
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146
Rated: E | (4.5)
I had to laugh as I read this - not only because I can relate to having no interest in The Game of Thrones, but also because of the irony that I am actually an active player in GoT here on WDC! This was well-written, and I definitely enjoyed reading it!

My only suggestion is this - Double check your capitalization and punctuation. Generally speaking, if the first line is the beginning of a sentence and the following line is a continuation of the first line, you need not capitalize the first letter of the line. Punctuation is not necessary at the end of every line, either. Also, in your first stanza, on line one, you capitalized the word change - no capital is necessary here. See my example below:

"I've not a clue or care of any of it; in fact
I have no intentions of changing that.
I have never watched the Game of Thrones;
hear anything about it, I follow with groans."

Try reading it out loud to yourself, as someone who has never seen or read this poem before. This will help you with the rhythm, which can be thrown off by extra words and punctuation where none is needed.

Other than that, you did a wonderful job on this, and I chuckled as I read it. I can definitely relate to it! Great job! Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Deepest Blue  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello T.L.Finch !

I read your "Deepest Blue as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This was a beautiful tribute to a fallen soldier. I love the way you intertwine the color deepest blue in both the first stanza and the last stanza. It really ties everything together with the title!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I think you point out something very real in this poem - and that is how important it is to remember those who gave all, the ones who sacrifice everything.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I did not find any issues that needed to be addressed in this poem. Your rhythm was spot-on, the rhyme felt natural. That being said, I have no suggestions.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I love the way you described the fallen soldier's actions as being propelled by love - and I could feel the love in this poem. I also felt the terrible sadness of knowing that another soldier won't be coming home to his family - but instead went home to God. I think my favorite part was:

"He gave the greatest gift he had
that only comes with love
and earned him a very favored place;
in the heart of God above."

I love reading this stanza over and over again, because it talks about the soldier giving the greatest gift he could - love - to the point of sacrificing himself to save his brothers in arms. This poem is absolutely beautiful!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


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Review of Double Wide  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hello 🌓 HuntersMoon !

I read your "Double Wide as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

This personifies the typical redneck, country folks so well. Your descriptions were awesome! I could picture this woman right in front of me, all the while, laughing because of how ridiculous it sounds when you think about it. Great job here!


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I think that no matter where we go, there's always that person that reminds us of this lady - whether by looks or personality....or even the tramp stamp on her back.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I didn't see any errors or distractions. As far as suggestions, I must say, I have none. This was well-written as well as funny.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I laughed as I read this because I could relate to it in the fact that I see people like this every day, in many different places...the grocery store, the gas station, WalMart (of course!)

I think my favorite part, though, was the last stanza -

"The years have passed. Our love has grown;
our passion has not been abated
by time or the discovery
that we are closely blood-related."

It, sadly to say, is the way a lot of folks think when it comes to us "country folk" - that we are all blood related....even if that's not the case. You did an awesome job personifying this.

These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*

149
149
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hello ♥HOOves♥ !

I read your "A Word To The Herd as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

I enjoyed reading this. And I must say, I agree with every bit of what you have suggested here. There are those who never say "Thank moo," or have other questionable behaviors that I try to avoid, if at all possible.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

This really got me to thinking, "Do I follow through on everything?" "Do I thank everybody who has helped me out or given me a review?" "A Word To The Herd could pretty much be summed up (with normal common sense,) as the "Golden Rule of WDC" - Do unto others....something that will go a long way in maintaining friendships - and making new friends.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

I would like to suggest that you make your post-scripts a wee bit bigger and maybe bold them. It might help show that you are updating this as needed.

There are two ideas I would like to see addressed, as I run into them from time to time on here.

1) Proper chat etiquette for Scroll and Instant Messenger within WDC. More than a few times, I have seen users post their grievances in chat, rather than emailing StoryMistress or StoryMaster...or even speaking with the person they are offended with. When this happens, it is irritating to me because I don't usually want to hear about troubles between users. I come to WDC to unwind, work on my craft, and spend time with my WDC friends - not to play matchmaker/therapist/mediator.

2) In the newsfeed, and I don't see this often, but I do see it from time to time, is users post in the newsfeed that they are looking for a "friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc." or posting a sales website that has nothing to do with writing or books that they've written, and the user has no personal stake in the website.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Someone needed to. If everyone went by this, life on WDC would be perfect! I enjoyed reading this....it makes perfect sense. Great job on this.


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*

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Review of Miguel's Duty  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Key* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon* *Dragon*



Hello Robert Edward Baker !

I read your "Miguel's Duty as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.



*Dragon* General Impression

Wow. This was action-packed, that is for sure. I was sitting on the edge of my seat as I read about Miguel's attempt to save the President. I also felt the doubt he felt as he protected a man who hated or in the very least, disliked Latinos and women. I could feel the pain from being shot rip through Miguel as he fulfilled his duty to protect the President.


*Dragon* Something to Think About

I love how this story reads - action-packed, no unnecessary details that take away from the story, and I could picture the scene unfolding in front of me. Awesome job on this.


*Dragon* Things You Might Want to Work On

My only suggestion would be that (and it may be that you write this as part of a book or longer story,) is that when Miguel saw his daughter, Isabella in his mind, a description of what she looked like might make this hit closer to home for your reader.


*Dragon* Closing Comments

I would love to see this story expanded into a book - with different chapters revealing all the different duties involved in protecting the President that Miguel faces. I can picture myself sitting on my couch, riveted by the action-packed, intense story of a Secret Service Agent named Miguel, whose only assignment was to protect the President, and how he does it. Great job on this - Very well written!


These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.

Happy Writing! *Dragon2*

B.M. Ray


** Image ID #2128915 Unavailable **



*Dragon* This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones! *Dragon*


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