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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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201
201
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A story about a happy woman with a sad and haunting ending, told from the perspective of her coffee mug.

CONTENTS; You have packed this little story with great details of a seemingly ideal life, than thrown a great plot twist in at the end which changes everything. I particularly enjoyed the fact this story concentrated more on showing than telling the details of everyday life and tha you used all five senses in placing your reader directly into each scene. Seemingly mundane details take on special meaning when described in this manner.
The story flows smoothly from beginning to end.

CHARACTER; Rachel's character is three dimensional and very likeable. She and her lifestyle are realistic, her personality is cheerful, she makes even the little things feel special. This is a person I could easily imagine knowing and liking very much.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is beautifully crafted and gives great authenticity to this story. Emotion is shown through her change in routine, and this works to create an even stronger mental impact in the reader. I felt great sadness and empathy for Rachel at the end.

SUGGESTIONS:
First paragraph; could use a comma after 'week '
seaming liquid [ steaming]
I set beside the computer... [ sit]
savouring aroma [ savoury]

FINAL THOUGHTS: A very touching and memorable story with a truly likeable character that I will remember foe quite awhile. I'd enjoy reading more about Rachel.

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202
Review of The Laboratory.  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A story about a scientist doing questionable experiments, probably on people.

CONTENTS; You have an interesting plot and storyline, but this gets a little lost in mis-spelled and hard to follow sentences which throw the reader out of the story. This is readily fixed with a good edit and polish.

CHARACTER; Your main character, the scientist, is reasonably well described, but I didn't really find anything to connect me with him in a way that he'd be memorable after I finished the story. He is rather one dimensional and could use some show of emotion through an event or short dialogue that gives us a view of his inner personality.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is well thought out, I could see the lab area clearly. I didn't get any sense of real emotion from this character.

SUGGESTIONS:
'I don't period.'[ As an opening line, this sentence makes no sense in context with the lines directly following it, I'd either delete or revise it.]
darkness periods. [ dark reads smoother there.]
chemical [ chemicals]
uses me [ forgot the 's'again. [ you do this throughout the piece and I'd give it a strong edit for this and other mis-spelled words.]
have [ has]

FINAL THOUGHTS: An excellent first draft of a story with good potential, it just needs a good polish.

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203
Review of Cease To Be  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; Original theme and storyline that engages the reader's curiosity from the beginning.

CONTENTS; A well crafted story about a young girl in a sanitarium type hospital. She has physical and mental problems with a tendency towards violence, yet she has an underlying pathos and loneliness that makes one wonder if she is quite whom she's portrayed to be. I found myself wanting to know more about this girl and her circumstances long after reading.

CHARACTER; Cease comes through strongly as a young woman with many emotional problems who has un-wittingly found herself in a place where readers are not quite certain she belongs, we're left with the question, 'did she really do as they say?' I really wanted to read more of her story !
The inanimate object came across as quite vague in what it was, my guess was a photo frame. However, this is exactly as it should be for this particular prompt.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is a bit vague in some areas, for instance, more detail on the type of facility she's held would give more of a dramatic feel to her plight, ie; barred windows, locked doors, etc. I felt this would also give a better clue to her age.
Emotions of anger, sadness, loneliness and deep despair come across clearly in both dialogue and character actions.

SUGGESTIONS: You need to edit for formatting and presentation. Paragraphs of dialogue only, need to be indented just like regular paragraphs. EXAMPLE:
          Cease sniffed, "I-I miss them." [ you need to check for similar errors throughout the piece.]

FINAL THOUGHTS: An engaging, well-crafted story that has tons of potential to become a much longer story. I enjoyed this very much.

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204
204
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; An interesting story about the artistic process of painting. I liked your descriptions of the various colors, particularly the 'itchy yellow.'

CONTENTS; A delightful story about a young woman and her artistic endeavours to create perfect paintings. She is indeed, quite memorable in her own way. The story has a nice flow to it and held my interest well. Grammer, punctuation and spelling are polished nicely.

CHARACTER; Ombeline is a young woman who seems free spirited and at piece with herself. She lives simply and is passionate about her art, which she frequently loses herself in creating.

IMAGERY & EMOTION:Beautiful imagery, particularly in describing the various colors. Unfortunately, the only real emotion I felt was from the paintbrush who'd been abandoned.

SUGGESTIONS: None, as a story, this one is very good as it is.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I felt that Ombeline was introducing herself to me, and the paintbrush was introducing itself seperately - the two didn't really seem together until she locked the brush away from the end. In the prompt, the perspective is to come from the inanimate object; ie: the paintbrush. My rating reflects how well I feel the prompt was used rather than the actual story or writing itself in regards to style, etc. I enjoyed reading about Ombeline, thank you for sharing her with us.

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205
Review of One Final Story  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A story both original and layered with historical facts that give it a wonderful sense of authenticity. The tone of voice is that of a friend confiding in another, very appealing to read !

CONTENTS; The story begins with the rather original creation of the first writing tool, [ nope, not giving away it's origin here,] and any serious writer who reads this short story will recognize it in thier own writing utensil of choice. I liked the soft, easy flow of this piece and the character is indeed a memorable one.

CHARACTER; A true historical character in the writing world, you all will know him ! He is well described and brought to life within these words.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Wonderful, engaging imagery that fires the imagination and interest while holding the reader well engaged within the scenes. Emotion is well executed as determination, purpose and strength of mind, combined with a deep curiosity and belief in self.

SUGGESTIONS: I think a comma is needed between the words; 're-telling ' 'passed down '. You might want to revise and make this two sentences ?

FINAL THOUGHTS: An enjoyable story that packs great detail and enjoyment into a very short word count. Well done !

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Good tittle, caught my interest. Descriptive line could be stronger, more a hint of storyline.

CONTENTS;*Target* A Fantasy scene about a young boy whom is not human and the death of his guardians. The writing is very good here and I found the boy's predicament interesting, but I kept getting lost because too much was happening for one scene. I'd divide this into two or three scenes. Start with the terror/ fear, and the boy being sent to hide, than bring in his past experiences with memories of Mr. Nox. Scene Three could become the Nox's demise and ensuing fire.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Characters of the Nox's and Dragon were well portrayed, but the boy confused me, his character starts out incredibly interesting, but first he's a werewolf - changing to a puppy, than suddenly he's a vampire? That threw me out of the story because I wondered what I'd missed about him or if I'd mis-read something.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Imagery and emotions are strong and vivid.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*When the boy hears the baby crying and knows she feels the bad things about to happen too.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
You are rushing through your scenes, slow down and describe them each in more detail as they happen. Make notes on where you need to revise and polish.
EXAMPLE; There's a baby crying next door in one scene - shortly after,the baby is a little girl... keep character notes to stay true to each character. Write your scene as one dramatic arc... intense action shouldn't be broken up by nostalgic memories of Mr. Nox's explanation on ' don't change forms in your clothes', slows action and dramatic impact.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*You have a great plot and first draft here, it just needs polishing and revising to make it truly shine. I would definately read more of this story.


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

A great article about a very sick man with no family to care for him and his awakening to realize that there were indeed people who cared and helped him daily. An article that speaks of the need for innerhealing as much as physical healing. Andrew had a very difficult life, one feels great empathy for him. He reminded me of an AIDS patient I met briefly in a hospital years ago, his name too, oddly enough was Andy. I think you captured Andrew's inner thoughts well in this piece. I did feel Paragraph Three felt a bit rushed, it threw me out of the scene for a momment. I'd consider adding in a bit more detail on Andrew's wife leaving, or his thoughts about it, before he suddenly ' comes back' to the hospital room to the same song playing. The ending is masterfully done, the woman truly was an Angel of caring.

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Review of One and the Same  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked the concept behind this poem of using nature to portray the love and union between two people and the connection between all things. Very well crafted, with vivid, easy to visualize scenic imagery. A very strong emotional exchange of love, joy, permanance within this poem. I saw no spelling, punctuation or grammatical errors. This is a poem I would re-read many times !


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I enjoyed the slow, easy rythm in this poem. It has a feeling of nostalgia and deep regret mixed with loneliness running throughout that keeps one reading. Imagery is powerful and well done with a sense of movement throughout.
ie; going, flows.
FAVORITE VERSES; Two, Five [ for imagery and high emotional impact ] I also felt the photo at the end is a nice touch.
SUGGESTIONS;
Although the poem has a nice rythm to it, I felt adding punctuation would enhance the impact for readers.
EXAMPLES;
VERSE ONE; Comma after ' we ' ' stood together ' ' realize ' [ Also commas after lines one two, period after line three - all verses. ]
VERSE TWO; Commas after ' sure ' ' believe '
If you feel these suggestions helpful, you might want to go through each verse for natural places to pause as in one and two.

A beautiful and memorable poem that I enjoyed very much !

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210
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire* Tittle could use a bit more 'oomph', but I assume it's a working tittle... Great descriptive line, catches interest right off.

CONTENTS;*Target* A woman murders her husband and apparently gets away with it. Great plotand storyline. I like how she pulls off the murder, very believable.
Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Dahlia is a very cold and selfish person. Very into herself with little compassion or empathy for others. Truly narcissic. She made me want to smack her even before she committed murder. *Smirk*
Tara seems like an average, everyday nice person, happy with herself, very caring, a romantic at heart. I really liked her.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Powerful imagery, I could see both women clearly and felt Eric's final fear and desperation.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
'I wish I had an Eric.'
Dahlia's grief stricken act at the funeral.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question* None, the story is believable and flows very well. It's quite polished as it stands.
I did note one typo in paragraph one- She [ She'd had it...]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* An interesting and dramatic read that I'd love to read the rest of !


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Review of I Love the Rain!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Beautiful imagery of nature in this short poem. I could clearly see the raindrops and lightning flashes, one could hear the thunder rumbling in the background and smell the fresh wet ground. I liked the fast beat of this poem, it added to the dramatic natural beauty found in nature. I did feel some added punctuation would enhance the presentation and rythm of this poem.
EXAMPLES;
Periods after lines four, twelve.
Commas after lines one through three, five to eight.
Altogethera strong and enjoyable read.

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212
212
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire* Good tittle, descriptive line interests, but could be changed after contest to give reader a hint at the storyline.

CONTENTS;*Target*A short story about a woman dealing with guilt, the death of her husband and ending an affair. I liked the storyline and moral theme of this little story. It has an excellent rythm to it, with imagery that holds the reader involved.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* I liked Linda's character, she was down to earth and thoughtful. She takes responsibility for her actions.
I did feel you could have gotten a bit more use out of Derek's character to enhance the story with dialogue about Linda's feelings over why she chose to remain alone or her guilt. As it stands, Derek just feels a bit out of place there, if the affair ended three years prior, why would he be hanging about ?
Inner dialogue of Linda's was good and moved the story along well, particularly near the end where she speaks of youth and her children.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Good imagery with the leaf and 'colors of death'. I didn't really get a sense of strong emotion from the character, it was like her feelings were hidden deep inside herself.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* The ending, when she feels the ropes binding her begin to loosen.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
I think you could move the part about Derek with Linda in paragraph one to the end of the paragraph, she could finish contemplating the leaf and they could have a short conversation where he actually says what he wants to, Linda responds. This would add details and drama to your story.
I was rather confused as to exactly why the gift of a cruise made it mandatory Linda told her husband of her affair because it was a gift, but wouldn't have said a word if it was a prize. A little more detail and explanation there would hold reader interest and deepen Linda's character.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A great story that would really shine as a bit longer piece and just a few added dramatic details.


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I liked the smooth, rythmic feel to this poem. The strong emotional imagery held me entranced as I felt what this young girl was feeling. Rage, despair, determination and finally, hope. Verses flow logically, one into the next to paint a picture of a time all can learn from, although some of the cruelties in Society today would suggest we've still not learned the lesson of eqality or freedom. This poem, for me, is a reminder of that time in history and how with strength and hope, with a fighting spirit and sheer determination, we might yet still learn the lesson. My heart went out to this young girl, so trapped and tortured, yet with such a strong inner strength. A beautifully crafted piece that touched me deeply.

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Review of Dear Me  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I really enjoyed the chatty, soul-searching tone of this letter, it was like sitting with a friend over coffee. I liked how you added in the inner voice, it gave authenticity to the contents because our 'little voice 'always seems to jump in and second guess our thoughts. The inclusion of larger life goals, rather than simply writing goals, was a great personal insight and the story of how you wished you'd known at twenty-two what you do at forty-two made it easy to connect with the person writing the letter, we've all wished for that, I have, anyways.Excellent goals and scenarios to show them. I particularly liked theone about the vagrant - my thoughts exactly. An inspiring, well-written piece and I hope you met your goals in a way that made you feel good. It would be wonderful to touch and inspire even just one person with our writing, and you have definately succeeded in that today !

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Review of You Did What ??  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Great Tittle, caught my attention and aroused curiosity instantly ! Tag line gives great overview of story without giving away the fun of the tale.

CONTENTS;*Target*A story we can all relate to because it is the simple mistakes that catch us quickest.I loved the clean, polished presentation of this short story about an elderly man and his long-term employer. Setting, mood and conflict were well played and made it easy for readers to 'step into thier world.'

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Characters were fully three-dimensional and Larry was extremely likeable, I felt so sorry for him ! Steve comes across as a tyrant at first, but his true nature is revealed at the end.
Dialogue is sharp, crisp and moves the story along very well, giving readers great glimpses into thier world and providing rich details of the character's lives. Well Done !

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Excellent imagery for such a short piece, easy to visualize setting. Emotion is tense, sad and ultimately funny. I couldn't help feeling aggravation at Larry though.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* The end line where the joke becomes clear on the greeting. *Bigsmile*

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
None, I felt this piece was perfect as it is.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A well- written story that both pulls at the heartstrings and sets you laughing hysterically in a few beats. A wonderful introduction to this writer, whom I'll be visiting often in future !


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

An emotion packed poem about the death of a spouse. I enjoyed the continuos, consistent flow and rythm of this piece. The punctuation served to provide areas for the reader to stop and contemplate the deep emotions within the poem. Imagery was well done and vivid. I could easily feel the loss and isolation of the narrator. My only suggestion is to add quotation marks at the end of Verse Six. A very strong and memorable read.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

An excellent tittle, very eye-catching, but I'd work on your descriptive line so it doesn't just repeat your tittle, let us have a hint of what the poem's about. There is a good overall flow and rythm to this poem. It holds many vividly detailed images and facts, yet it feels rather unfinished to me, like it was headed a little further - building to something important that never quite got mentioned. I noticed you mentioned poachers, are these animals endangered ? Organizations to save them ? Perhaps those could be added into the poem ? An interesting, fact filled read about an animal I'd never heard of before.

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Review of Glory and Honor?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Very catchy tittle, although I would capitilize 'And'. Your descriptive line caught my interest immediately.

CONTENTS;*Target* A very original plot and storyline. OK, you got me on this one, I was so caught up in it, I didn't realize it was fiction until you said 'interstellar jump. *Bigsmile* The storyline certainly held my interest to the end ! I liked how you packed so much background info, mood and atmosphere into such a short piece and in such crisp, tight sentences.
This one reminded me of the Bourne Trilogy in many ways, particularly the first one in the way it grabbed the reader and put them right there in the story.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* I really liked your POV Character, this was a person I could relate to, it felt like I wasstanding there speaking with the person. His narrative dialogue was excellent, filled with detail and let us see him and his world very clearly.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Imagery is strong and completely realistic. Emotion is the driving force behind this story, cleverly crafted and very character revealing.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
'If you are after me and mine, then I will "cleanse" you and yours.
The entire closing paragraph.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
Paragraph Two; try;
Yeah. Glory...'[ period gives more dramatic impact]
PARAGRAPH FIVE; Move astericks around;
..." suitable for thier species."
CLOSING THOUGHTS: *Exclaim* A strongly written story that will leave you wanting more, this one would make a great sci-fi movie or novel !
I couldn't justify lowering the rating for the few typos I found, the storyline and writing were too strong.


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I would suggest giving this poem a tittle and tag line that hints at content to entice readers to read. I liked the strong flow and powerful imagery in this poem. It shows and creates strong feelings of love and disappointment in it's readers. A very good storyline that most will find easy to apply into thier own lives and memories. I did feel an edit and polish for punctuation was in order - you seem to have left out punctuation in some verses and not others - particularly on the third lines of verses.
A sad and memorable poem about learning from mistakes and being careful whom we choose to entrust with our hearts.


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Review of Sparrow  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

I enjoyed the strong visual imagery of this poem very much. I t pulls the reader into the poem and lets them see through the sparrows eyes.
FAVORITE VERSES: ONE, It flows logically and fluently.
I did feel the poem would flow better with more punctuation in each verse to mark it's natural breathing spaces for readers:
VERSE ONE; LINE ONE; commas after alone, river, mountaintop. LINE TWO; commas after; her, drop. LINE THREE; commas after longer, see.
LINE FOUR; commas after wishing, period after tree.
VERSE TWO; Punctuation needed after lines one, three, four.
VERSE THREE; Punctuation needed at end of lines.
VERSES FOUR AND FIVE; Punctuation required in lines as in verse one examples.
Verse Two; confusing, if the sparrow lies, how can she be innocent ? Or did you mean as in 'lie still ?
'with much despair' try ' and in despair '[ smoother flow]
Verse Four is confusing in Line Four - where does the fountain come in ? Why does Spring make her forget it ?
Verse Five, Line Three and Four could use a bit of polishing to clarify, if she is at peace, why does she still mourn not being able to sit in trees ? Did the sparrow die or was she healed except for the fact she could no longer perch in trees or fly I would assume ? This needs a little polishing to keep readers in the poem's emotional grip.
A very beautiful poem that will bedeeply moving and memorable with just a little polishing and editing.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

A creative and entertaining essay on parenting in the modern age. Although I liked the content of this essay and how it connected the knowledge of generations together, I did feel it could use a good edit and polish for overlapping thoughts and words. EXAMPLE; 'make sure to make that he...'[ delete 'to make 'after 'sure'- it's irrelvant]
Can you inject a little more humour and comedic relief into this? Perhaps a bit more on the swan incident, how'd she get rescued ? Paragraph Two is wordy and confusing, perhaps more punctuation would help the readers focus there, or try shortening the sentences to a more straightforward set of words. I'd suggest a good polish for punctuation and over-long statements throughout the piece. You should capitilizeeach word in the tittle to maximize impact. A great essay on an interesting theme that just needs a little polishing to really stand out.

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Review of Christmas Eve  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A poem filled with strong emotions and vivid, powerful imagery. I particularly enjoyed the strong, upbeat rythm of this poem. I do have one suggestion I thought would improve imagery, but it doesn't change my rating because it's a writers choice type of thing. Verse Two, Line one; I'd change the first line to 'dark and still'rather than 'chill ', because it avoids the use of the same word so close together and brings in another sense for reader expirence [ hearing ]
Verse Two is my favorite because of the wonderful imagery and strong dramatic feel.

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Review of In Elysian Fields  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the easy, rythmic flow of this poem that allows readers to just relax and enjoy it. I also loved the mythology context of the contents, gives great authenticity to the poem. The conversational aspect adds conflict and friendship into this piece, it is very well crafted and made the poem even more easy for readers to visualize the setting, characters and mood. The only things I would suggest is adding punctuation to line three in verses Six and Seven to match the presentation of the earlier verses.

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Review of Hurting You  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

A deeply emotional poem about hurting the person you love deeply. There is strong emotion and good imagery in this poem. It holds a sense of movement, words like 'running ' sever ' 'ripped '. There are a couple of places where I felta bit of revision and polishing would really make this poem flow well and entrance readers.
FAVORITE VERSE: One, for being well worded with great flow and emotion.
SUGGESTIONS:
Verse Two, Line Three; reads quite rough, bogs down flow, can you revise for same meaning but smooth out how it flows like verse one ?
Verse Five, Line Four; try changing 'idiot 'to 'fool '[ prevents overuse of one word too close together.]
I'd also suggest adding punctuation, maybe commas after lines one through three, periods after lines # four, all verses. You might consider adding punctuation within the lines as well; EXAMPLE:
If you were smart, you would be running now,

An interesting, emotionally moving poem I really enjoyed.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

A deeply sad and emotional poem. I felt a strong empathy and despair that this person's only seeming way out was suicide. Images are vivid, poignant and very in tune with the narrator's state of mind. One wants to reach out and embrace her with hope. My only suggestion would be to close the space between lines by one space each to make the piece easier to read and give it a better presentation.

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