Nice poetry, I really like it. It was inventive but also meaningful.
Your first stanza about the stately oak brought me to the moment and held me to the end.
The tree captured this so-called love by means of a carving that was made into its bark. But was it a true love or puppy love? Whatever it was, magic prevailed and the two were caught up in a cycle.
When the spell was finally broken, wrath erupted and the love died.
I can't help but wonder if the poem was a warning not to let love take hold of your heart until it has been tested for truth.
That was quite the party. I could see from the first paragraph that there was going to be some trouble. Unfortunately, same thing happened to me when I went to a business meeting overnight; lucky for me, the cops were never there - that I know of.
Anyway, the story moved along, and I could feel the panic Charlie was in trying to stop what was happening and then after, getting the mess cleaned up before the parents came home. Something tells me that they're going to find out anyway, probably from that neighbor.
Social media really messes with stuff; seems there is nothing that doesn't get put out there.
I only found a couple of things: 1) I didn't understand this: gone midnight 2) unauthorised should be unauthorized
Darkness can be a problem for a lot of people; making them depressed. With rain, does come dark days. On the other hand, some people find a rain can be soothing to the mind and spirit.
It's good to know that for all people sunshine does bring great joy and warmth.
You can make the reader feel your emotion so keep writing.
I didn't find any errors except a tiny one that really doesn't matter and that's a double .. at the very end.
First of all, thank you for the 'link' and letting reader know what type of poem this is. I found that a Rondeau is interesting and challenging.
You start off describing the days' events from parades, to cookouts, to the fireworks display.
Next, if I am interpreting this correctly you mention that as much excitement as the man-made event created, we can find an equally explosive event right in nature.
What a great description of a thunderstorm. Although lightning storms can be frightening, one does have to admit they create an awesome sight!
I give you kudos on imagination and this could really be full blown into more chapters as it is very inventive.
However, the grammar is lacking in a lot of places. Too many to point out but here are a few things I found: 1) A lot of your sentences do not end with a period 2) I saw the names Lilianna, Grace, and Lili that were not capitalized. 3) In a couple of places, you missed on the following: Im instead of I'm. Wasen't should be Wasn't.
Generally, when you have created a static item and are typing, there will be items underlined in blue or red. These are errors and if you click on the blue, it will usually help you with spelling and/or grammar.
Hopefully you will keep writing. The imagination is there - just watch the rest.
If you fix this grammar I would give you a much higher rating as the story itself is good.
The dialog in this story sounded authentic, like a familiar couple, always "friendly' arguing with each other.
All women know that it sometimes takes a little work to get a husband to take what they say at face value. Surprisingly, we are often right. At least in this case LOL.
It appears George might not have remembered his own instructions.
So this poem seems to be filled with lonliness, darkness, and longing for something beautiful. I feel like the writer is searching for something more to enhance their life - a love maybe or just something to make it brighter?
I'm curious why the diary is now filled; isn't there more to this life to come?
I didn't find any errors but I was confused by some of the lines. Maybe that is because the writer felt confusion in their life as well; I'm not sure.
Keep writing! You have the ability to show a lot of emotion and the reader can sense this.
Nice little poem that highlights how nice it is to be able to have someone you know will always be open and honest with you.
It's sad that today's world is so full of people who are experts at scamming, deceitfulness, and will take advantage of anyone who is perhaps naive or lonely and just looking for a friend.
And yes, you have to have the constitution to accept a hard truth from this friend because that's what true friendship is - always telling the truth.
Wow! Much imagination here. I hope you won this contest! Your descriptive 1st paragraph leads the reader into a mechanical world and sets up a mystery of what is to come. The creativeness of the many oddities within is genius!
Apparently Mrs. Bashford has a dislike for The Baron as seen early on when she tried to draw her hand away from his grasp. The writer teased an alarm when one of the oddities was a menacing blade.
The Baron tried to seduce Mrs. Bashford by looking her up and down and this is when we form a picture that she must have a motive as well. She tries to extract his secret to automation, but he isn't having it and now sensing the reason fo her visit he threatens her.
The Baron wasn't quite as exceptional as we were led to believe as he is overtaken by Mrs. Bashford in the end and killed.
The story starts with suspense and great detail about the quickly emerging water. Not to fear, Lena the inventor was hard at work coming up with a solution.
You detailed the crisis that was happening in the streets and gave the reader alarm wondering if the city could really be saved.
Finally the hero, Lena, arrives with her invention and saves the city.
What a charming story of love between a grandmother and child.
It must have been painful for you to lose her, that is apparent from the story. You remembered all the fun things you had done together. She mut have been a lovely person.
This is where you have a knack for writing. You found a handkerchief of hers and that was something which always reminded you of her: the line "I had Grandma in my pocket" really was gut-wrenching but also gave a feeling of reassurance that you still had a piece of her to keep.
Good point in this poem. Love is so over-used today. You see the Bachelor, Bachlorette, 60 Minute Finncee or something like that, Love Island, on, and on, and on. Really, it makes me laugh that they are sobbing and heartbroken after only a couple days knowing the person. I agree with you, I don't look at love like that.
Love isn't instant, attraction might be. Love takes time to grow and develop.
I feel there are a couple of crisis' going on in this poem and I couldn't quite figure out all of it. It seems a relationship had broken apart but at the time, the character was with someone else? Did she/he feel compelled to go back to the prior relationship?
There was a cancer scare and she never tried to get treatment for it.
I also take that this person does not care for the family; feeling they are trouble. Not sure which family that is as I get that there are two relationships in this poem.
All in all, as you can tell, I'm confused about what is going on here. I do get the sense that whatever it is must be very painful.
This was an enjoyable story of a family camping trip. You put in a lot of description so it was easy for the reader to visualize the story.
Your scary experience with the bear and cubs showed how surprised you were by the loss of your hat and camera. I would say you were also lucky or you might be writing a very different story today.
I'm a big fan of 'Gold Rush' (even though they say it is scripted) so there must be a lot of stories you could write about the experiences Marvin has had with breaking equipment, elements, on and on.
I will say the bolden words were a little off putting for me but perhaps that was a requirement of the assignment, I don't know.
Seems that this gap-toothed gal has stuck in your memory for a long time. I wonder why that is? Could it be that there was something else about her; something she did or said, that is lurking inside your memory unrecalled?
It's too bad this gap-toothed girl doesn't know someone has been thinking of her all this time.
Well, you got me with this one. Here I was nodding my head. Agreeing with the frustration that a computer can give us. Of course, kids know much more about computers than we do. How did that happen? About the time that I felt your panic, you hit us with a surprise ending. Sleeping on the job?
Only thing I found was in Paragraph 3 - anything it this. Should probably be it's
Just lost a cousin to dementia and couldn't stand to see this beautiful, crafty, intelligent person go through something like this. It made me wonder what they know is happening to them. Do they know or are they unaware. I like that the character was able to play-act with the Mother; still it is so sad.
Love it as with all of your work! You begin with a graphic description that hints on something dark to come. Is that why the character's heart is beating? Rustling leaves tell me that this is probably set in Fall. The character is alone in the night but alludes to that being something he is attracted to. He/she has already passed the graveyard wondering what secrets it holds and then returns again admitting this secretive mysterious place is comforting to him/her.
I get the humor of the story; that part is on point. With the rest, I wish there could be some dialog or maybe more description rather than just 'he said, she said'; it would bring the story more to life for the reader. The content is familiar, all of us have a problem with those darn fast food restaurants. Keep writing, the humor is there.
Such a nice, descriptive little story. Even though the story is not long you have managed to make the reader experience a lot of what Mary felt. We see her struggling to get up in the morning and find out that she used to be a 'night owl' but now prefers the peacefulness of morning. Something about the words 'when the rest of the city was still asleep' hit me as I read it. I could vividly picture looking up and seeing a lone person on a balcony in the early cool morning when all else in the city seemed to have come to a stop. I think anything you write will awaken the reader if you continue with this style of writing.
I'm not a bowler although I have played a few games. I think you must have nailed all the bowling terms out there; I haven't heard of them before. Your poem flowed well and progressed through just about every circumstance one would run into when bowling. A little humor thrown in the mix too.
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