So this poem seems to be filled with lonliness, darkness, and longing for something beautiful. I feel like the writer is searching for something more to enhance their life - a love maybe or just something to make it brighter?
I'm curious why the diary is now filled; isn't there more to this life to come?
I didn't find any errors but I was confused by some of the lines. Maybe that is because the writer felt confusion in their life as well; I'm not sure.
Keep writing! You have the ability to show a lot of emotion and the reader can sense this.
Nice little poem that highlights how nice it is to be able to have someone you know will always be open and honest with you.
It's sad that today's world is so full of people who are experts at scamming, deceitfulness, and will take advantage of anyone who is perhaps naive or lonely and just looking for a friend.
And yes, you have to have the constitution to accept a hard truth from this friend because that's what true friendship is - always telling the truth.
Wow! Much imagination here. I hope you won this contest! Your descriptive 1st paragraph leads the reader into a mechanical world and sets up a mystery of what is to come. The creativeness of the many oddities within is genius!
Apparently Mrs. Bashford has a dislike for The Baron as seen early on when she tried to draw her hand away from his grasp. The writer teased an alarm when one of the oddities was a menacing blade.
The Baron tried to seduce Mrs. Bashford by looking her up and down and this is when we form a picture that she must have a motive as well. She tries to extract his secret to automation, but he isn't having it and now sensing the reason fo her visit he threatens her.
The Baron wasn't quite as exceptional as we were led to believe as he is overtaken by Mrs. Bashford in the end and killed.
I knew before I read the 3rd verse that this poem was set in Fall by the descriptive orange leaves falling. Reader could feel the wind cut through just by the way you described the clothing worn. I love poems of nature and ones like this that make you feel as if you were actually there.
I get the sense that this person was making their way to a gravesite and was mourning someone just by the words describing the trees - 'I hear them moan'.
The story starts with suspense and great detail about the quickly emerging water. Not to fear, Lena the inventor was hard at work coming up with a solution.
You detailed the crisis that was happening in the streets and gave the reader alarm wondering if the city could really be saved.
Finally the hero, Lena, arrives with her invention and saves the city.
What a charming story of love between a grandmother and child.
It must have been painful for you to lose her, that is apparent from the story. You remembered all the fun things you had done together. She mut have been a lovely person.
This is where you have a knack for writing. You found a handkerchief of hers and that was something which always reminded you of her: the line "I had Grandma in my pocket" really was gut-wrenching but also gave a feeling of reassurance that you still had a piece of her to keep.
Good point in this poem. Love is so over-used today. You see the Bachelor, Bachlorette, 60 Minute Finncee or something like that, Love Island, on, and on, and on. Really, it makes me laugh that they are sobbing and heartbroken after only a couple days knowing the person. I agree with you, I don't look at love like that.
Love isn't instant, attraction might be. Love takes time to grow and develop.
I feel there are a couple of crisis' going on in this poem and I couldn't quite figure out all of it. It seems a relationship had broken apart but at the time, the character was with someone else? Did she/he feel compelled to go back to the prior relationship?
There was a cancer scare and she never tried to get treatment for it.
I also take that this person does not care for the family; feeling they are trouble. Not sure which family that is as I get that there are two relationships in this poem.
All in all, as you can tell, I'm confused about what is going on here. I do get the sense that whatever it is must be very painful.
This was an enjoyable story of a family camping trip. You put in a lot of description so it was easy for the reader to visualize the story.
Your scary experience with the bear and cubs showed how surprised you were by the loss of your hat and camera. I would say you were also lucky or you might be writing a very different story today.
I'm a big fan of 'Gold Rush' (even though they say it is scripted) so there must be a lot of stories you could write about the experiences Marvin has had with breaking equipment, elements, on and on.
I will say the bolden words were a little off putting for me but perhaps that was a requirement of the assignment, I don't know.
Seems that this gap-toothed gal has stuck in your memory for a long time. I wonder why that is? Could it be that there was something else about her; something she did or said, that is lurking inside your memory unrecalled?
It's too bad this gap-toothed girl doesn't know someone has been thinking of her all this time.
Well, you got me with this one. Here I was nodding my head. Agreeing with the frustration that a computer can give us. Of course, kids know much more about computers than we do. How did that happen? About the time that I felt your panic, you hit us with a surprise ending. Sleeping on the job?
Only thing I found was in Paragraph 3 - anything it this. Should probably be it's
Just lost a cousin to dementia and couldn't stand to see this beautiful, crafty, intelligent person go through something like this. It made me wonder what they know is happening to them. Do they know or are they unaware. I like that the character was able to play-act with the Mother; still it is so sad.
Love it as with all of your work! You begin with a graphic description that hints on something dark to come. Is that why the character's heart is beating? Rustling leaves tell me that this is probably set in Fall. The character is alone in the night but alludes to that being something he is attracted to. He/she has already passed the graveyard wondering what secrets it holds and then returns again admitting this secretive mysterious place is comforting to him/her.
I get the humor of the story; that part is on point. With the rest, I wish there could be some dialog or maybe more description rather than just 'he said, she said'; it would bring the story more to life for the reader. The content is familiar, all of us have a problem with those darn fast food restaurants. Keep writing, the humor is there.
Such a nice, descriptive little story. Even though the story is not long you have managed to make the reader experience a lot of what Mary felt. We see her struggling to get up in the morning and find out that she used to be a 'night owl' but now prefers the peacefulness of morning. Something about the words 'when the rest of the city was still asleep' hit me as I read it. I could vividly picture looking up and seeing a lone person on a balcony in the early cool morning when all else in the city seemed to have come to a stop. I think anything you write will awaken the reader if you continue with this style of writing.
I'm not a bowler although I have played a few games. I think you must have nailed all the bowling terms out there; I haven't heard of them before. Your poem flowed well and progressed through just about every circumstance one would run into when bowling. A little humor thrown in the mix too.
I think I've reviewed other poems that you have written. This is a though provoking one that examines the results to tragedy and points out some methods of how that trauma can be reconciled.
What's great about this short story is the descriptions that you use. It made the reader feel as if they were in the woods with the woman. You created a plot that made one wonder if some horrible thing were about to happen to her. Trusting, the man, the woman came to no harm which was a surprise ending for I was sure it would be a vampire or some unwordly creature. You do have a knack for the suspense.
I can see why you received Honorable Mention on this poem. I liked it a lot. It just flowed so well wwhen I read it. I felt the anxiousness of too much to do and such little time. A time of the year when we all should be in good spirits but most of us are not. Life happening too fast around us - blurting out things we wish were unsaid. Needless to say, we all must find a way to relax so we dream a little or fantasize some. Cute poem but it really makes you think a lot.
Such a sorrowful and touching poem. I felt the writer's pain. You spoke of the last days together which are always such a reflective time. Childhood memories were awakened; remembering moments of the past. The line, 'but I'd be telling you for me - not for you', was so moving. You can make the reader feel something with your words so keep writing!
Your poem has a nice flow and rhyme. It is very dark. It's apparent that you (if this is a true story) were very badly hurt and those feelings have not gone away. I wish there could be a reconciliation 'down the road'. You have the ability to portray your feelings to the reader.
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