Hi, Sumojo

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The story is good and it flows smoothly creating vivid imagery, the words used were natural and not forceful. You did well in introducing your character's personality and I like how the scene was created, all were important in the story.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few doubts for you to consider, I marked them red, and in green is my suggestion.

listening intently as if waiting for an order to be issued which would allow them to continue as before.
listening intently as if waiting for an order to be issued that would allow them to continue as before.


Every creature slept soundly, peacefully.
Every creature slept soundly, peacefully.


She even believed in her idea she maybe be in a sort of time warp,
She even believed in her idea she maybe is in a sort of time warp,


She began talking to herself, found it hard to settle her nerves.
She began talking to herself, and found it hard to settle her nerves.

but gradually she realised there was nothing to fear.
but gradually she realized there was nothing to fear.

mesmerised by the beauty of the lights in the sky.
mesmerized by the beauty of the lights in the sky.


Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The story is good, and you did well in the formation of the personality of the characters through the way they move and in their dialogue. The words that were used were also smooth and created a good imagery and vivid impression. The Plot is not common and I also liked the song that was linked their the given prompt of the contest.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few words that may distract the flow.
I colored them red and my suggestion is in green colors.

I wanted to be weightless and looking back at Earth.
I wanted to be weightless and look back at Earth.

Destiny, we have come up with what we believe would be best option
Destiny, we have come up with what we believe would be the best option

A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
A million dreams are all it’s gonna take

It was possible that I could get back in the list of potential crew for an upcoming mission,
It was possible that I could get back on the list of potential crew for an upcoming mission,

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Beholden

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspective also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
Wow! a beautiful and fantastic story, I enjoyed reading it, and you did well in hooking your reader until reaching the end. I am satisfied with how the elements of the story were combined, the words chosen, the characters, the settings, the plot, the link to the given prompt, and yes the climax. Well Done!


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that may distract the flow and no doubt arise.Congratulations!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Joseph

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspective also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The story is short and simple but it was narrated vividly and has a smooth flow. This is best for the children's genre, I also like the story within and it links to the given prompt.
The characters are only a few but they were introduced rightly and were given personalities reflected through in the story.
The setting is also good, and mysterious and it can create a curiosity in the reader.


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that may distract the flow, my only doubt is its simplicity, you might like to add some more descriptive action sentences in the story, like how was that place in his dreams, he only sees how humans behave to the animals and this makes him fear.
You also like to add dialogue to make the story thrill and move. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!

Hi, Dave Ryan

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspective also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The story is good and I also like how the beginning part hooked your reader with a song. The story flows smoothly also using vivid words blended with common words. The scene is only one and you introduced your characters naturally without forcing them to appear their personality through the way they talked and move in the story.


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few doubts for you to consider, I colored them in red and green are my suggestion.

He was ashamed to admit it, but part of him as disappointed
He was ashamed to admit it, but part of him was disappointed

Jack dissolved into giggles that became steadily more hysterical until Rick realised with shock that somewhere along the way they had turned into tears.
Jack dissolved into giggles that became steadily more hysterical until Rick realised with shock that somewhere along the way they had turned into tears.

Rob realised he had retreated into his own bubble universe again.
Rob realized he had retreated into his own bubble universe again.

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, PureSciFiPlus

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
I liked the way how you begin the story, it hooked me by reflecting a mystery to the main character. The story flows smoothly by using words that are vivid and blended with words that are for everybody. You did well in introducing your character's personality through the scene. The given title is also linked to the given prompt of the contest as well as the created plot of the story.
I don't like to read the genre of thrillers or horror but because your story emphasizes more on the mystery this hides the horrors of it, but in the end, it really shocked me.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I didn't find any words that may distract the flow of the story and no doubt arise. Congratulations!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!

Hi, Zehzeh

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The travel adventure is good, I have a great time following the scene even if I only read it. I like the energy or active emotions that were in the short story, it makes me so eager to find out more about it.
The way how you convey your reader's attention is good using the narrating style in storytelling, it is just simple, with lots of scene and descriptions. I find the storyteller to be a tourist guide wherein even if I haven't yet come and seen those places that were mentioned, I've already seen them through your vivid way of describing them.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I have a few errors for you to consider. I colored them red and green is my suggestion

There's lots of famous people pushing up daisies there.' You might mean There are
Coo!' Himself loves travelling by train. What do you Himself, you might mean He to be more emphasized,
should be traveling.
a good roll in their graves. you might mean role
country bumpkin come to oogle at the Big City and be overawed by the percipacity of young,
google, perspicacity
whacking great parade as wot became The Lord Mayor's Show.' We certainty had picked a
with, certainly

Other than that I have no doubts arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Damon Nomad

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The story is good and easy to follow every scene. It links to the given prompt of the contest. The character is in the first Point of View which makes the reader be in the character shoes, to feel and think the character's thoughts. I also like the way how the characters were introduced emphasizing their own personalities that link to genealogy.


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have some thoughts for you to consider.

The written presentation is dull, though appearance or the use of writing tools like font, size of letter, or spacing is not the main that we consider in our writing but it may have the possibility for a reader to hook it. Using too small sizes of letters gives the impression of boringness,

and some grammatical error
I colored my suggestion in green.

Separated by almost five years and as different as night and day.
Separated by almost five years and are as different as night and day.

I was my father's side of the family,
I was on my father's side of the family,

I got good grades in school and went to public university just a few hours from home.
I got good grades in school and went to a public university just a few hours from home.

Other than that I have no doubt arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Graywriter

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspective also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
This is a combination of historical, thriller adventure story, and I really enjoyed reading it. The technique that were used on how the author tell and showed to the readers is something alive and active by using the dialogue technique, it is like I am watching on a television. The characters were introduce naturally as part in the story and not being so obvious. The sequences or scene is simple and easy to follow,and the language that were used is for everyone.


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

There are some few doubts for you to consider, I marked them in red and green is my suggestion.

He not only filled the seat, he dominated it with solid muscle. His calm gaze from clear blue eyes turned her warm and pink with blush.
He not only filled the seat, but he also dominated it with solid muscle. His calm gaze from clear blue eyes turned her warm and pink with blush.
I would love to see you settled in, Senorita, but I must go to assist others.
I would love to see you settle in, Senorita, but I must go to assist others.

her favorite shampoo and luxurious body wash sluiced off much of her fatigue and restored her hopeful
her favorite shampoo and luxurious body wash sliced off much of her fatigue and restored her hopeful

Dared only watch, eyes glazed in silent horror,
Dared only to watch, eyes glazed in silent horror,

Other than that I have no other doubt arise.

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS!

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The beginning of the story hooked me, though it was just a simple sentence it introduced then what may I was expecting, and the impression, that it's through the story is about traveling and it links to the given prompt. The flow of the story is smooth, in the beginning, there is a sudden emotion but in the last part, it becomes funny and enjoyable. The characters are only a few, and you did well in introducing them in their way of speaking and moving through dialogue techniques in the story. The language that was used is easy to grasp, indeed it is for everybody.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have some doubts for you to consider, I marked them red and my suggestion is in green.

It's strange because it hasn't been that long, our friendship.
It's strange because it hasn't been that long, since our friendship.

Sumita put her pen down. She almost hurt her eye, brushing the tear away.
Sumita put her pen down. She almost hurt her eye, brushing the tears away.

who the fellow passengers in the train were,
who the fellow passengers in the train were,

Other than that, I have no doubt arise. Good luck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, PureSciFi

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

I enjoyed reading this short story, it links to the given prompt of the contest. It talks about traveling through one's life in its various ages. I imagine about time machine while reading. The characters were few but this doesn't distract the flow but enhances to make the story concretely. I like also the different numbers that were used in every chapter, it gives breathing space which allows the reader to comprehend slowly the imagery that was created.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have some doubts for you to consider, I marked them red and my suggestion is green.

The ones I have been at all looks exactly like this one.”
The ones I have been at all look exactly like this one.”

Brai couldn’t stopped staring at his Youngest One.
Brai couldn’t stopped staring at his Youngest One.

She pointed at one of those business.
She pointed at one of those business.

I was forty-six, and because of an accident I hadn’t been able to work in almost a year.
I was forty-six, and because of an accident, I hadn’t been able to work in almost a year.

Other than that, I have no doubt arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!

Hi, Christopher Roy Denton

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.

Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

Hey, long time no see friend, I haven't easily recognized you.
Here's my thought and impression:

I can say that this story is great, and it was enjoyable to read. I like the way how it was written, making your reader to just follow the scene in every story, not expecting things that create a surprise like emotions that reflects Devorah.
You did well in introducing the character’s personality, not obvious but in a natural manner, or it was blended or part of every scene of the story. You use also a good Point of view, or in the First Person- using Devorah’s POV, and properly established the first part of the introduction to link to the reader’s thought. And the last part leaves a good thought and wanting to see what’s next.
The range of language that were used was not filtered, understandable and it is for everybody. Well Done!


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I have some doubts, I colored it red, and my suggestion will be the colored green.

this could provide valuable experience
this could provide a valuable experience- you might like to add an article a so that it will give a most emphasize experience, but if there are many experiences then there will be s in the last of the word experience.

he wasn’t the handsomest or hunkiest guy she’d met,
he wasn’t the most handsome she’d met, - two adjective words will weaken on how it was describes, use only one word so that the description would be firm.

Other than what I've stated, there are no more doubts arise.
Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Graham Muad'dib

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The story is good and I can say that it is a story that is full of suspense and mystery.
You did well in introducing your character’s personalities through the way they talk and their action.
Each scene is simple but it is needed in the story, they were arranged properly and it flows smoothly. The language there was used is just fine, but there are a few that were filtered by using some words in where it blocks the reader’s understanding.
Other than that, I can say that it is a good story.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few doubts for you to consider, I colored it red and my suggestion will be the color green.
“Everybody who was around back when Bush ’41 was still in office knows it!”
“Everybody who was around back when Bush ’41 was still in the office knows it!”


“I saw Wilhelm! But he was at the shed over there, and the light was on inside.
“I saw Wilhelm! But he was at the shed over there, and the light was on the inside.

“Daphne’s sounding off again, eh? I’ll put it rest right now
“Daphne’s sounding off again, eh? I’ll put it to rest right now

“Is there something else you want fixed?
“Is there something else you want to be fixed?

Other than that, I have no doubt arises. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS!

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The way how the story is created is beautiful, it's a combination of prose and dramatic style. You did well in holding the emotion that was created.
I like how the story started, you did a good technique in hooking me-the reader, by giving a scene that intrigues me, and the involvement of the prompt of the contest. It blended fully into the whole story.
The way how you introduced your characters is meaningful also, especially the main and the other characters that support it. You did well, cause the way how you present their personality is not in an obvious manner, but articulate.
It is also mysterious when they go with grandma to the attic and explain the deep meaning of the crayons and other artists' tools.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few doubts for you-
I highlighted it with red and green color is my suggestion.

because the crayons themselves sense that one of their number is no longer whole,
because the crayons themselves sense that one of their numbers is no longer whole,

The feasting done, the presents were opened and Grandma
The feasting is done, the presents were opened and Grandma


And I wonder what's the girl name, I haven't seen it in the story.

Other than the stated above, I don't have any doubts arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!