Beginning: I like your beginning as I have woken from a dream with my heart pounding.
Body: Nightmere can seem so real as this one of your does. I have woke up in sweat, terrified that I had hit someone with a car..yet I don't drive.I wonder why we have them.
Closing:Your ending is nice. I like the question you posed.
Title: "Innocence's Blood" A fitting title for this story.
Beginning: Straight from the first word through to the last word this story touches my heart.
Body: I KNOW how this young girl felt living in a home she wasn't wanted. I lived in many foster homes growing up. I never even heard of cutting or I might have did that. This story is so sad Yet it might happen to many in this world.
Closing: So very sad!
Comments: You have done a great job with this emotional write. I see no errors.
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Body: I sense a lot of hurt and pain from the words of.. "festering wounds".."heavy is the weight of being".. You certainly are weighed down. I like the way you tell us about your sense of hopelessness.
Closing:A nice ending..I especially like the last two words
Comments:This poem is heartfelt.I am sorry that things are weighing you down. A good write. Hugs! I see no errors.
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Beginning: A White fairy is about to cast a spell and save the village Nice job here. How frightened I would be to have the White fairy coming toward me and have the town people move closer around me. When the White fairy reached out to touch my face I think I would have freaked.
Body:I think the Richard at night would be a man after my own heart. I understand how the writer in him wants to write, post and forever check the e-mails to read the reviews. It sure is a blow to the pride when one gets low stars/bad reviews. A high when he gets good ones.
Closing:A fitting ending with the White fairy floating through his head.
Comments:I delighted in this story. and wore a smile throughout the read. I see no errors
Opening: I like your opening as you start right off telling us about you hurt, pain and confusion.
Body: I can feel your hurt and the pain as you share with us your memories. There is nothing that hurts much more than a love that has gone wrong nor is there any thing more beautiful as love.. You have expressed it vividly.
Closing: Excellent ending. I especially like your last line "Life without you is death"
Comments:
I am so sorry that you are hurting so much now. I know how real this pain is to you. Keep writing and it might help express your frustations. All the best. A sad but nice emotional write.The only thing I might change is Howcome, I would seperate the two words.
Thank you for entering the challenge. Title: "Distant Star"
Opening:How very nice your beginning is as you show us how hard you worked on your labor of love. Working so very hard to get your sketching done.
Body: Your plot or body is filled with fine details,from the phone ringing to the manager reminding you of your due project. Shoppng, biking, ordering lunch and the disapointment of being told you might have been to late. What a wonderful surprise to see your name highlighted and how many copies that were sold.
Closing:A precious love story to finish your writing with. A note added that we can all relate to. Comments:I see no errors in this delightful story.
"Thoughts From My Mind" is a heart touching poem. There is nothing more beautiful than true love and nothing any more painful than love when it has died away, I am sorry for your pain. "Truly Love Me"Nice lyrics here, and I feel your misery..that is what we all like to read. }Good job!Don"t fall In Love" Love seems something that gives us such joy and such pain. Your words tell of your pain here. Nice write.The rest of your poems are just as well written. They bring memories of my younger years. I wish they were a seperate item for each poem/lyrics
Oh how lovely. Your poem Loving From Afar" is priceless, and it brings back sweet memories. When my daughter started Universay the first year, there was a little six year old who lived at the end of our road. Every day he would bring her candy, draw her pictures and tell her he loved her. When she married he was crushed. Your poem has every thing in it to make it a lovely read.
Wow Jenny you sure know what Freedom is. Title and brief description: Both are very nice. Body: What a wonderful job you have done describing what true freedom is.Closing: As strong as the rest of the poem. Comments. Your rhymning is excellent. I see no errors.
Hello this is Funnyface retuning a review. I really like the poem "Thank You Troops. You have written a heart felt poem thanking the troops for all the work they do for the country. I am Canadian, but I sure do appreciate each and every one of our men and women that are serving for everyone. Your beginning is excellent. Your ending is awesome. I see no errors.
Beginning: A nice beginning. We had our roof replaced this years and the crew were talking about the view they seen..so it is the same with you on top of your roof.
Body: It is amazing how you see things so much differently when up so high compared to being on the ground. You have done a great job telling us what the ocean looks like with the sun mirroring it, the neighbours trees and etc.
Closing: A fitting ending. Mother Nature can give more beauty than we can see from within.
Comments: Your writing talent shines through in this descriptive prose. I see no errors.
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Beginning: Your beginning is stong as you take us right to the scorce of your topic.
Body: The plot or body of this poem is heart wrenching. I admire the way in which you are so frank in your work here. I hope you or whoever you wrote the poem about is able to start over again.
Opening:Opening this poem with a question make it very solid..yes what did he/she take away?
Body: Once we all did experienced innocence. It is terrible that ones emotions and innocences are taken away. I really like the line where you say "Tears follow love, follow memory."
Closing: An awesome ending "I reject You". It is so fitting for the poem.
Comments: A heart touching subject,and you have covered it nicely. I see no errors
Opening: Your beginning is very direct as you tell us that you see the world before you, and what it is that you see.
Body: A solid body or plot. It is a terrible thing that we do have to face the harsh realities of what this world is like. Life seems to be a struggle. Good details here.
Closing: Your two closing lines are excellent..and fitting for this poem.
Comments: I enjoyed this poem and am looking forward to reading more of your writing. I hope you are enjoying W.D.C..
Opening: A great beginning. Duke sounds like my dog, needing to investigate every unusual sound she hears especially at night..smart dog.
Body/Plot: Well developed plot.You showed us how Duke's mornings began, and what was going on in his brains. Yes I do believe dogs think. Good details here.
Closing:I found the ending sad..Duke did live the life of a dog, didn't he? How depressed the dog was to decide how he would die and make it look like an accident.
Comment: Congratulations for having this published in the college newspaper. I only found one error in this delightful story.In third paragraph it says,"Eggs were frying the pan. I think you wanted "in" included.
c:blue} Hello, this is Funnyface, returning the favor of you reviewing one of my item. I so appreciated your visit.
Title: "On The Way To Grandmother's House"
Opening:Thanksgiving is a wonderful subject to write about..and I like how you opened your story telling us it was over for the year, yet it was much the same from year to year.
Body:I delight in this story as you take us through the trip your son Jeff had with his Grandma.. What amount of love expressed throughout your story.
Closing:Perfect. We must be most grateful to have family to spend Thansgiving with.
Comment:It is nice to read a story where love is so well expressed. I see no errors.
c:blue} Hello, this is Funnyface, returning the favor of you reviewing one of my item. I so appreciated your visit.
Title: "I Am Here"
Opening:A nice opening. I know how alone you must have felt. Sometimes one feels more alone in a crowd than by being by their self.
Body:A solid body. It must have been terrible to have a manager treat you like this, especially in front of co workers. I know that would crush me.
Closing:What a perfect ending. I wonder if an Angel might have written "I Am Here" on the screen of your computer. I am glad that you read these words to encourage you.
Comment:I found this story delightful to read, as it fed my emotions. Yes I know things like this happens in an office,and it shouldn't be, but how you were able to cope and continue on was such an inspiration,just the three words from an angel. I see nothing to suggest for improvement in this story.
c:blue} Hello, this is Funnyface, returning the favor of you reviewing one of my item. I so appreciated your visit.
Title: "Like We Use To"
Opening: What a happy picture you painted with your words of what it use to be like.
Body: A heartfelt plea, to go back and do the things that you did when you were so in love. I have heard that said that one should..go back and recapture that first love by doing what they did when they fell in love with each other..
Closing: With the same heartfelt plea to try it again. I hope it works out.
Comment:Great emotions in this poem. I see nothing to suggest improvements in this write.
Opening:Nice beginning as you show this girl who is longing to to be a part of the others. A girl that is lonely.
Body:You plot or body is heart touching. It is a story that could not help but make everyone want to reach out and hug this girl that had been abandoned at birth. One who was in an orphanage, teased, rejected and scorned at school.A misfit in society, all because she couldn't hear.
Closing:A sad ending. She took her life..and the saddest thing is that I can't much blame her.
Comments:This story is well written. You have done beautifully with descriptive writing. You use good dialogue when the boys came up and taunted her. I truly, truly enjoyed this stroy. I see nothing that I can suggest that would improve this story.
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