Title: "To Hell In A Hand Basket". The title here really appeals to me.I have never heard that expression.
Opening: A great beginning as you show us the signs that you are getting older.
Body:A good solid body. I found it very intresting and amusing. I liked how you see the country and life as it is today. It surly would make a good movie.
Closing: A fitting ending.
Comments: A nice job here. The only thing that I can suggest that might make this article stronger is the c in Canada should be a capital. I also believe it would be easier to read if you were to leave a line between the paragraphs. This is just my suggestion.
Opening: Great...as you tell us how a child even before their birth is so dear to us,and the strength they have.
Body: You took me back to the days when my children were young, and how excited I was at them singing and reading a few words. You led us on furture to the time you got word this darling child of yours has cancer.
Closing: Heartwrenching. I am so sorry this child died from having the dreadful disease of cancer. No one knows the pain of losing a child until it happens to them.
Comments: This poem touched my heart. Your writing is good, you used good emotions, and your poem is very effective. Hugs. I see no errors!
Opening: A fitting opening, as you led us straight into the topic of your essay.
Body: This is an intresting subject, well presented. The teen culture.I like your descriptive writing, using the rivers and forest to illustrate your point. Teen years are so hard as they do want to fit in
Closing: An excellent closing.
Comments: Nice work here. I do believe the essay might be a little easier to read if you had a line between each paragraphs. Only a suggestion.
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Body: Well developed, and you have made us aware of the sadness and loneliness that this girl tries to hide but which shows only in her eyes.
Closing: I feel for this girl, and you kept your poem strong to the last line.
Comments:I enjoyed this poem as it fed my emotions. I hope you are not the girl that walks alone with her head held high. I can not offer any suggestions to improve this poem.
Opening: Your beginning is strong as you take us straight in to your subject.
Body: I am so sorry the pain this person is causing. My heart bled for this young boy as I was reading through the body of this poem. I especially had my heart touched for the Mothers heartache, worry and disappointment.
Closing:I really like how you prayed the last two lines here in your closing. Yes, love him and guide him, and ..call him to You.
Comments:Your poem is heart touching. You poor sister must worry so about this child she loved and for this grown man now. I see nothing to offer for improvements in this poem.
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Opening: Your first two lines really perked my intrest.
Body:I feel a lot of pain in this poem. It is filled with emotions, and you have shared your heart with us. I like "The vow of warning ""Death do us part"". I also like "But the secret and lies I will not obey" Your plot is strong.
Closing: Excellent!Especially the last line.
Comment:My heart feels for you .. I am sorry you are going through such pain.A great job here! I see no errors.
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Opening:Nice as you took us right into your subjest by telling us that you were always skinny and could eat anything.
Plot or Body: You continue to share a very personal side with us and I thank you for this. I know there will be much intrest in this subject, as so many of us go through problems with weight. I agree it does nothing for our self esteen.You are young, so keep your spirit up and you will succeed.
Closing: I will pray that you will lose the desired weight in 2006.
Comments: I really like this article, it is a topic of great importance. A nice job in writing this. I see no errors.
Opening: A nice opening as you told us about the Leopard and how amazing he looked stiding through the forest.
Plot or Body: Your story is well developed, as you showed us how the Leopard took great care of his spots and was proud of them. It was intresting to see how he would get the berry stain out. Would Mr Elephant be able to help him. Good job with using dialogue.
Closing: Simply a lovely closing as you tell us that what happened to the spots on the Leopards tail and how the Lady bugs now have spots.
Comments:You have done a great job here. Writing for children is never easy as their minds are so alert. You will capture and hold their attention with this story. I see no errors!
Call Center Blues
Thank you for entering the challenge.
Title:"Call Center Blues" Beginning: A nice beginning as you tell us the call volume has icreased, the boss keeps throwing orders.
Body: You have done an excellent job here describing what your job is like in the Call Center. My son worked at a Call Center for quite a while..he hated it. He felt helpless.
Closing:I like your closing..indeed there might be one less on the crew. Nicely written. I see no errors.
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Beginning:A nice beginning as you tell us about the days that are becoming yesterday.
Body:Love can be here and then gone just leaving memories.The memories in your poem are happy memories, and yes they are now yesterday,something for us to think back about and enjoy. Closing:Simply a lovely ending, reminding us that remembrance rekindles the memories.
Comment:I really like this poem.You creativity shines through. I see no errors.
Title: A nice title, and your brief description made me want to read your story written in verse.
Beginning:Simply an excellent beginning as you told us that there was a girl and her mind was so tormented, by what she had seen and heard.
Body: Very strong.Your words tell us of a young girl that was suffering abuse at the hands of her cousin.For years she suffered this terrible pain.She finally got the nerve to stand up and call them perves, but just in her mind.
Closing: A fitting ending, the girl grew to be a teen and the past is still with her. She deals with it through writing.
Comments: Simply a heart wrenching poem. I am so sorry for the little girl that suffered at the hands of her cousin. No one should have to endure abuse of any type. This poem is filled with deep emotions,well written and I can offer nothing to help improve it.
Title:Your Happiness, My Pain. Very fitting for this poem.
Beginning:A nice beginning telling about your heart floating away because you had planned to make a vow.
Body:There is nothing as wonderful as love, and nothing as painful as when it goes away. So often people makes promises, that never get to be kept,and this caused much heartache and pain. I am sorry you are going through this now. Keep writing this will help.
Closing:I feel pain in your last verse, pain and a broken heart. Hugs of comfort for you to draw on as you need them.
Comments: Thank you for entering The Weekly Newbie Challenge.I like this poem. I like the emotions you shared with us. I feel your hurt and pain. and you did a nice job writing it. I see no errors.
Opening:A grand opening as you lead us straight into your story. You told us that you were hunting for the perfect shell for Grandma
Body:Filled with great descriptive writing as you took us on your explorations of the shore and water edge for the most wonderful gift that you could find to give for your grandma's brithday. Fine details as you explained why you choose a shell for the gift.
Closing: Emotional and heart touching.
Comments:A most delightful story to read. I am a Grandma and I relate to how happy you made your Gramndma's birthday. I see no errors. I so enjoyed this story.
Opening: A nice beginning as you tell us how the prayers of old sent to heaven have the same old stories..but not this one.
BodyThe body of this poem is strong.All in life is seldom fine but I am sorry that chaios reigns in your life.I am sure loneliness has to be one of the hardest thing a person has to go through. I love the way you used your words to convey how alone you feel.
Closing:Touching. Keep strong. this is hard to do when one is suffering waiting for the messenger to arrive.. to answer your prayer.
Comments}This poem is heart touching. It is honest, sincere, and full of emotions. A lovely write. I did see a couple typo errors the line above the last needs a space between truth and to and the last line I think it should be arrive not arive. I really liked this prayer...
My name is Funnyface, and I am one of the Reviewers for the Weekly Newbie Challenge: I just read your poem Emotion. I like the way you have used the letter "e" at the beginning of each line.I like the looks of the layout on the page. I can almost see the black, dark night beckonig, the starlight fading away and so on down to the end . You have done an awesome job here.This poem is simply lovely.I see no errors. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Beginning:Nice, I can almost hear the rumbles from the trucks as they drive into the truckstops.
Body: I can only guess how much skill it takes to drive one of these rigs. I think it must take special people to drive them. I bet you all do look forward to home.
Closing: In the many many miles you drivers do I am sure it is in God You Trust. Another nice write. I see no errors.
Title: A nice title. Good job on the Brief Description.
Beginning:An excellent job here as you told us what you were beginning to do, with whom and your career change.
Body: I knew nothing about a career in truck driving,let alone big truck driving, before I read this. You gave fine details and opened my eyes to the different difficulties one has to endure. I must say it must be a lot of hard, stressful work.
Ending:I like your closing and I am sure you have became stronger.
Comments: A nice job on a subject that is new to me.Good writing, and I see no errors.
My name is Funnyface, and I am one of the Reviewers for the Weekly Newbie Chellenge:
Title: Very fitting to the item.
Beginning:I liked the way you led us into your topic of Love.
c:blue}Body: Your article is strong, as you take us through the different areas of what love is. I have never thought of love being so many of the things you listed.
Closing: A perfect ending.
Comments: I enjoyed this article very much. I have learned much about love from reading it.I think it is an article that many people would benefit from.
I see nothing I can offer for improvement.A lovely job.
Your beginning:Very descriptive..leading the reader to want to read more.
Plot:Good suspense. Who were coming and after you?
Closing: Nice job describing their delight as they seen you.muscles moving and jaws tingling with excitment. I still don't get who or what it was, or is that the point of the story.
My favorite Part: The water had calmed...rocking from side to side like a baby in a crib.
A perfect picture of you being a beautiful oak tree.. I hope you win/ or that you won on this poem. Your rhyming is perfect and I like what you would do if people would climb you. You would make a wonderful Oak tree. I love this poem, and I see nothing that you could do to improve it.
Your words about your gransparents touches my heart. There is nothing more precious than their love that will always be a memory. I like the way you broke this up in three different parts. Now that you are fourteen, the future lies ahead of you. All the best. {c: red} I seen only two typo error.Same everygthing,smae life. I look forward to reading more of your works.
As I read the words of this poem I can't help but wonder what is the cause of all this volince. People killed, homes destroyed, and fear raging in the minds of the little tads. I know every race on earth goes through some kind of volienc from another race, but I don't understand why. Your Poem makes me pray more fervently "Thy Kingdom Come"
his is a well written poem. I really like the idea of trying to write a poem giving sujects color.. You have accomplished this here. I feel your love for this man dearly and you certainly told him it in the last verse, where you grantedhim all the time he needs to find his comfort zone. Nice rhyming. A good job I see no errors.
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