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Title: "Dust Bunny"
Opening Your opening perked my attention and I knew I was going to be in for a delightful read, I was not mistakened.
Plot:
This poem is fast paced, delightful and will certainly appeal to children and the child that lives with us older ones. I like your flow and rhymning. I like every line of it.
Closing:I am sure the bunny had fun how could a dust bunny not have fun. Simply delightful.
Comments:Simply delightful There is no errors in thispoem
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Title: "One Hundred And Fifty First Psalm"
Opening I like your opening as I can believe it would be dark and lonely on an ocean, real oceans or oceans of tears.
Plot: Nicely written. How exciting it must have been to see a glowing yellow streak crossing the sky with promise. A promise of Something strong ever lasting.
Closing: A perfect ending "US"
Comments: This is a lovely love psalm. I hope it will alwys be "US" for you two. I see no mistakes.
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How very lovely to be so delighted and happy beinng a soldiers life. I can tell by the words in this poem that you are so very proud of your husband. Your husband has remarkable quliities, such as a hard worker,honest true, fights for his country and a great husband. What more could a woman want and he is a soldier, and you the soldier's wife. I see nothing to suggest improvement to this poem.I have r/r/r your complete portfolio
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What a delightful poem you have written about tears you shedas ypour little one does different things It is true the love of a mother is always there. I like the things you cried for..the first day on the bus, the picture she/he traced, the weeds for in the vase and the lost of the very first tooth. Good rhymning. I see no errors. I enjoyed this poem.
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Wow, this is nice. Hononing the 23 fallen soldier. How proud the grieving families must be.. How very sad for the loss of these daughters and sons. 23 trees planted, what a nice gesture to do in their memory. War is such a sad thing men and women fighting to save their country, being killed in their efforts. I see no errors.
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Ah, the scenes you paint here are so sweet. I feel a senese of tranquially and peace. How nice you and your husband do things together, so many just don't do that any longer..to busy, to tired and so on. Walking is a great way to spend time with a mate, a time for conversation and sharing memories as you both did in this poem. I see no errors.
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Title: "Nature's Vengeance"
Opening Oh what a wonderful way to begin your poem, by taking us straight into the scene of nature's vengeance.
Plot: A very sad situation a forest fire, yet even in the vengeances of the blaze you have written such vivid imagery. I never have seen a forest fire but I can see it plainly now. The dear little creatures of the land and air ..of the forest.
Closing:A postive ending.
Comments: Wow! You have done a great job here! I can see nothing that I could offer for improvement.
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Title: "You Want ME To Wash My What"
Opening Your opening perked my attention. I was intrested in the women's ministery being form.
Plot: Your plot held my attention as in John 13:14 Jesus talked about washing each others feet, and yes some churches still do that for Passover. It is to show humbleness. I can well imange how you must have felt doing this for the first time and with the minister's wife. I liked the things that went through your mind. Do my feet stink, and are they soft enough.
Closing: Your closing is excellent. I am sure wounds were healed.
Comments: I really enjoyed this write. I see no errors.
What a lovely job you did writing this poem. You have such vivid imagery. I can hear the fountain play, see the sun shining, the beauty of the gardens. I can smell the purfume of the many different flowers. I see the little creations of God fluttering about making such pleasant sounds. I can hear all the sounds heard at the ports, and the music from the seagulls play. I hear the lofty heavens call and the voice of Freedom shout. I can see you standing with your wings spread wide ready to fly in the air. . Oh what a aweome job. You showed, and not just told us many scenes of beauty. Perfect rhymning. I notice that you made a typing error in the word bumbkle for bumble bee. Wonderful write.
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"Time" is a wonderful short story as a Mother realizes her 17 year old little girl is almost grown and very soon will be out on her on. Scary and a lonely feeling to realize this. I am sure she was a beautiful bride in the play "Our Town". I bet you were as proud as you could be watching her act. A lovely story. I see no errors.
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Hey Lilly is a lovely poem. It is so nice to read about the beauty of a wee baby or child. I felt really happy and warm as I read this. I also thought what love this person has for Lilly to cry while looking at her. Is it any wonder tears flowed so freely as you said she is flesh of his flesh. A simply delightful story. I so enjoyed. I see no errors.
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This poem touches my heart. The Donkey's Correll is so poignant. I can see,in my minds eye, poor little Mary. Carrying a baby is not always an easy task but to carry one while travelling on a donkey must have been hard. I love the words here in the poem. An excellent job. I see no errors!
How precious this poem is for your grandson James. There isn't much more that I enjoy in life than that of my grand children. I am blessed as I have a little grand daughter that will be 9 month old on May the 11th and she lives near by. I have two grandson and two more grand daughters that lives in USA. I live in Canada. How old is James.
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A heartfelt write. I understand that you do not want to go to the Cemetery again, and I so agree with you. I have an item here that I think you might enjoy.
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. I think you know your husband after 55 years..he would not choose a mournful place, he'd choose a happy place to spend his tiem. I so enjoy reading your wites. There is no errors.
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Your writing on AUTUMN is lovely. You have such vivid imagery here. I love fall the colors are outstanding and it shows God's beauty more than the rest of the seasons. I especially like where you said "windows... marred by fingerprints, small hand prints and noses pressed against the glass. I enjoyed this item and I see no errors}. I invite you to check my port.
Thank you for entering the challenge and welcome to W.D.C. Title: "Andrew"
Opening: A fitting opening.A heart touching story as you take us in the life of Sage and her family.
Plot: A life that has many hardships. Sage is a dedicated sister and daughter. Her life must have been very hard. Her father leaving, the care of her brother, and the encouragement she gave to her Mother.So much placed on a young girls shoulders, yet her love for her family kept her from complaining.
Closing:A wonderful ending and dedication. The only suggestion I could offer is to reread the story,, there seems to be the odd word left out. This would make it stronger. Nice topic, nice writing, and I encourage to keep writing, writing and writing.
Thank you for entering the challenge and welcome to W.D.C.
Title: "On Being A Dad"
Opening: Nice and right into your subject of what you once were and now how your girls view you today.
Plot:I found the body of your poem great..I laughed and laughed, as so often I hear my husband tell our sons that he once was young and he also knew things and could do things.
Closing:Perfect ending as you certainly are no different than Dad's in the past.Good luck with writing.I see no errors.
Thank you for entering the challenge and welcome to W.D.C.! Title: "Something Borrowed"
Opening:A nice beginning..what could nicer than shopping for wedding appearl.
Plot:Heart touching that two friends planning to marry, only to find out one of them is not going to make it.
Closing:A lovely and fitting ending.
Comments:This story has everything needed to make it great. I do find it confusing in the odd place with the names and had to reread it. Smooth it out and watch it soar.
Thank you for entering the challenge and welcome to W.D.C.!
Title: "Goodbye My Blessings"
Opening: A very sad opening as you told us an event that will change your life for ever.
Plot: First I want to tell you how sorry I am for the pain you and your husband are going through, and have gone through the pass two years. I don't think any one could fully feel the pain or understand it unless one has experienced it. I am not sure if they put your children up for adoption or in foster homes but you will see them again someday, I am sure of that.
Closing:Heartfelt.. Children today always want to find and be reunited with their birth parents. I am sure this will happen here. I will pray for you and the children. I see no errors.
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Thank you for entering the challenge and welcome to W.D. C.! Title: "Dexter" A simple but perfect title, and thank you for the brief description.
Opening: Nice and to point, telling of the love you have for this little three yeaar old nephew.
Plot: You show your love and acceptance in every line you have written in this poem. I have a grandson just three, I feel for this little boy, but with all the love he is bound to get he will be a favorite.
Closing: I love your closing.
Comments: a heart touching verse..written with the love that lies in your heart for Dexter. There is nothing I can suggest to improve this poem. Great work!
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