Once in a while I come across a poem
that is so beautifully real and
compelling, it captures my heart
and my poet's eye. You have real
talent, my friend. This poem is guileless,
in the best possible way. It is written with an open
heart. Its message is one so many
of us understand. You talk about
it with such simple ungarnished
eloquence. So, I give this poem and
its author 5 stars for the fine, clear
poet's voice underlying this poem
that rings so true.
I hope you'll write much more.
I look forward to seeing your work.
Thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Good luck with it and your writing.
Enjoy Writing.Com. You have a great
future here. Warmest best,
Gabriella
I love this poem. It makes a wonderful statement about exploring life's ambiguities. Love and all of its complexities is right at the top of the list under your heading: "edges of gray." You write with an open heart, sharing your experience in a particularly compelling way. I admire your poem and your approach to writing. You have real ability.
I have one small question. How do you feel about adding punctuation and capital letters where appropriate ? You'll decide if either suggestion is useful. This poem is strong enough that I'd like to see you do whatever is needed to get the best possible rating and feedback. Your poem is worth the effort and you are too. Whatever you decide, the body of the poem is wonderful and deserves much praise. Thank you for sharing it.
A belated welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you're enjoying the forum and finding your way around comfortably. Sing out if you need a little help at any point.
This is such a loving poem
and a beautiful love letter.
I loved reading every word.
What a wonderful gift to have
given your friend. Your poem
rhymes beautifully and is
nicely structured with an
endearing, well communicated message.
I suggest dropping in some
punctuation. Using commas and
periods help us to see where
your thoughts begin and end.
The rhythm of your poem is
particularly important to the
reader. I'd love to see you get
the best possible feedback for
this lovely poem. It's worth
the effort and so are you.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.com
as much as I am. Be sure to
take advantage of all of the great
resources for new wrtiers.
And, sing out if you need a little
help or guidance as you get settled.
Warmest best,
Gabriella
This is a compelling poem and
a wonderful tribute to Dale
Earnhardt and his remarkable "track" record.
This poem is both a eulogy and an epilogue
to this man's career and his success. His
is story that captured the imagination of young
and old alike, turning Earnhart into
a superhero while also broadening
interest in the sport dramatically.
You captured the essence of his final
race and his last moments so well.
The poem serves as a gut wrenching
reminder of that tragic
event. I hope you'll continue on to write
more. You have real ability.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.
I have one small suggestion. I see
that you use very little punctuation. There
is room for more--to add a comma and
a period here and there throughout the
poem. I think it might be a plus. You'll decide if
this is a useful suggestion.
I hope you're enjoying the forum as
much as I am. Be sure to take
advantage of all of the resources
available to new writers.
I'll look for an opportunity to check
your portfolio from time to time.
In the meantime, best of luck with this
poem and your writing.
Gabriella
This is a beautiful reassuring
poem. It's a love letter and a tribute
to a very special person in your
life. I hope you'll frame this
for this significant person.
It's a well structured poem.
Its message is thoughtfully written; it's
a real treasure. Who wouldn't love
to be on the receiving end of such
a beautiful message ! I hope you'll continue
on to write more.
You have enormous potential.
I look forward to seeing more of
your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This poem has such potential.
And, you do too. I hope you'll
take a moment or two to work on
it a bit so the poem is able to
yield the best possible reviews
and ratings.
Here are a couple of suggestions.
You'll decide whether they are
useful:
1) Since rhyming isn't an issue in the first two
stanzas, take your time to find the words that will
build the best possible poem.
2) Did you mean to write "tender flowers"
rather than "tender flower" ?
3) How are flowers "hooked to the line" ?
I'm not sure what this means.
4) What did you mean by "in life
relish" ?
While the last stanza rhymes and is very
sweet, I like the contrast of the first
and last messages and the two separate
structures. I think the first two stanzas
need a bit of work.
You're well on your way to producing a
fine poem. Your poem is well
worth your effort to dress it up a bit.
And, so are you !
I like this poem. Thanks for sharing it.
Warmest best, Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is really stunning ! I read this beautiful
poem a couple of times. I'm so impresssed
by this powerful messsage. It is an important
appeal for peace and reconciliation.
At the same time, it's a loving message and a remarkable prayer. Peace seems so elusive at the moment. I share your hopes and prayers that peace prevaila. Bless you for taking the time to find these
beautiful words in your heart to share with us.
Warmest best, Gabriella
You've written such a touching
testimonial to this love that has
survived a lifetime despite long
periods of separtion. And yet it
still survives. I like that you've
replaced those times of painful
conflict with times of great joy.
This is a heartening and loving tribute.
I enjoyed reading every word !
It's truly wonderful that you take
such comfort in each other's
presence. There are a handful of
type-os I'd love to see you correct
so as to position this piece
to receive the best possible feedback.
Here are my suggestions. You'll decide
if these are helpful:
1st stanza:
Its->It's
some how->somehow
your->you're
no where->nowhere
2nd stanza:
advise->advice
woken->waking
3rd stanza:
than->then
6th stanza:
each others-> eachother's,
7th stanza:
waken->waking
no where-> nowhere
I hope these are helpful.
Good luck with this poem. I hope you
receive lots of positive feedback and
more useful advice and encouragement.
You have real potential. I hope you'll
use some of the wonderful resources
available to new writers. Sing out if you need
help or a little guidance.
Beautiful and right on the mark.
You're right; the little things
matter so much in a loving relationship,
don't they. Everyday thoughtfulness-tiny
acts of kindness- mean so much. A love note
wrapped around the steering wheel,
a little vase of flowers left
on the bedside table, your favorite
drink and slippers by your
chair when you come home. Your poem is
such a lovely tribute
to love and our understanding of it.
Bravo ! Keep on writing. I'd love
to see more of your work. You have
real ability. Warmest best,
Gabriella
This is a very powerful small poem.
I had to work a bit to shift to
a winter mode. It's 90+ degrees
here. Winter's wrath sounds pretty
good to me right now :) Still,
this poem is soulful and touching.
Your friend effectively thawed the
terrible pervasive sadness, the kind
that turns the world cold and gray.
I love the way you approach this
tribute to your friend
and your experience. Bravo !
You write very well. And, you have enormous
potential. I hope you'll write much
more. I'm going to come back to visit
your portfolio. I look forward
to reading more of your work.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.Com
as much as I am. Be sure to take
advantage of the wonderful resources
available for new writers.
Best of luck with this wonderful
poem and your writing.
This is a very sad poem.
I hope your subject climbed up out of his
tub and in doing so, washed these
desperate thoughts down the drain.
Your poem is compelling and well written.
The shining light in all of this is
your talent, a sunny hopeful aspect of
this work. This poem's author has real potential.
I hope you'll dig in to write much
more and build yourself a new direction.
I'd love to read poems about your potential
and your new found sense of yourself as
a writer. I look forward
to seeing much more of your work. Stick with
Writing.com, and be sure to take advantage
of the wonderful resources here.
You'll find that there are many writers
who will be encouraging and supportive.
Warmest best to you,
Gabriella
James, this is sad. It paints a
very real picture of a lost soul,
alone and without hope.
Still, your light shines through
this desperate poem. Your talent
and potential is so strong, positive and
filled with hope. I hope the subject
of this poem will see the future
differently now that you have the
potential to do so too. I'm betting
on you :) Best of luck with this
poem and your writing. You have
real potential. Gabriella
A very fine poem: one that is
wholesome and lovely.
This poem is blessed with a
a lovely ability to
be honest and open while
also expressing love and
appreciation for this much
treasured friend and lover.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading.
I hope you'll keep on writing.
You have real ability.
A belated welcome to Writing.Com.
Enjoy the forum and be sure
to take advantage of
some of the wonderful resources
available for new writers.
Sing out if you need help or
a little guidance as you're
settling in.
Dear Miss Scarlett,
I like this poem ! It is
completely open and remarkably
strong and articulate. It is at once,
acerbic, wrenching, and
bitter. Your sense of
loss is only outdone by your
sense of having been seduced
and undeniably hurt.
I appreciate your
honesty and the sense of loss
that drove you to write this
poem. It is an excellent piece.
I hope you'll continue writing.
You have real ability.
A warm welcome to Writing. com.
I hope you're settling in and
enjoying the forum as much as I am.
Please sing out if you need any help
or support as you begin to make
your way around the forum.
This is indeed a sad poem. I read it
with a heavy heart. I thoroughly
and enjoyed reading it. I particularly admire that
you're able to express this wrenching sadness,
and the frustration you feel at
not being able to influence your
loved one's decision to return
home, so well. I hope your poem receives
lots of helpful feedback and
positive words of encouragement.
You have real potential. Keep on writing :)
I'm so pleased to be able to add
my own warm welcome to Writing.Com.
This is a wonderful forum made
up of many talented supportive writers.
We're here to help if you should
have questions during this time
of settling in. Don't hesitate to
sing out if need a little guidance
or support.
Your story is not only very well written,
it is beautiful and inspiring. It takes
a pure and giving heart to be
able to see and understand the
messages you were guided by in your
story. I loved reading every word
and applaud you your stunning
story. I look forward to coming back
to read more of your work. In the
meantime, thank you ! Visiting your
portfolio has been a very special treat.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Your photographs are just beautiful !
They give us a peek into the soul
and the bright loving spirit of this
talented writer. Thank you for the
very special opportunity to enjoy seeing
a little of your remarkable family !
Warmest best, Gabriella
You hit a home run with this, Catedra.
It's bright, ironic, and terribly sad.
You're a talented writer with a sardonic
wit, great sense of timing and
an exceptional ability to construct a fine poem.
This is one of the best I've seen in
a while. Bravo, Catedra.
I can't imagine making any improvements.
This poem is great just as it is.
Congratulations and best of luck with
your writing. Gabriella
Amanda: this is a delightful
small poem. It is powerful in
its on rite. I enjoyed reading every
word :) I particularly liked
your ending. Bravo, Amanda !
I hope you're pleased with your poem.
You've created a compelling
sweet poem. It deserves great
ratings and lots of positive
feedback. I hope you'll write
lots more. I see this is your
first posted poem here. You're
off to a great start. Keep
on writing, Amanda.
A warm welcome to Writing.com
and best wishes for many
happy hours writing.
Gabriella
The message here is compelling and strong. It's a wrenching heartfelt apology to a very special friend. One that is loving and genuinely contrite. I'd love to see your poem get the rating it deserves. I have a few suggestions for you to consider if you're
interested in bumping up your ratings:
1) The first 2 lines are out of sync with the others. Think whether you'd like to do something with them.
2) Use upper and lower case. Add commas and periods to define your thoughts.
3) When you say "maybe they were more tough" you don't share who "they" are...your readers are left puzzled. Same with this line: " but apparently they are more than I" (it should read "more than me")
I wonder if it would help to state who "they" are.
4) "If your ever down" should be If you're ever down
5) Think whether the last sentence is important. It
seems to be a last minute addition. I wasn't sure it
fit comfortably. You'll decide.
I think you and your poetry are very worthwhile. I'd
love to see you get the rewards you deserve for
writing a fine poem. Good luck with this and with
your writing, Gabriella
Baby brothers can be
pretty annoying, can't they :)
Hard as it is to believe,
in a few years, he'll be a
joy and a friend. He'll
be your cheering section
and your pal. Your friends
will want to go out with
him. You'll run to him
when you need help, though
it's tough to imagine that
now :) What you think of as
"disrespectful" is really
a normal little boy who
doesn't know better. Just be
sure to keep your favorite things out
of reach. Having said this,
I like your frankness.
I laughed while reading your poem,
remembering how it was
to have a little brother.
Your poem is delightful.
A couple of small suggestions:
1) Change 4 to four
2) place a comma after four,
3) maybe "another" would be better than " a higher"
stage
4) Place a period after "full of trouble"
5) he's should be He's
6) Eliminate "So" from the beginning of the line
Hope these are of some help. I'd like to
see you get the best possible rating for
this poem. It's worth the effort
and you are too ! I hope you'll write lots
more. You have real potential. Best of luck,
Gabriella
I like this very small sad poem.
It isn't getting close to the
ratings it deserves.
Here are a few suggestions
to consider if you'd like to
improve the feedback you're
given:
1) Remove the little cartoon face.
It takes away from your chance to have your
message taken seriously;
2) Change "feal" to feelings;
3) Place a period after "worries"
The next sentence reads: Endings
can be very sad.
Everything else is good.
Good luck with your poem and
your writing. You have real
potential :)
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a sweet pensive poem. I enjoyed
reading every word ! "Felicity" is a
wonderful fit with the tenor of your poem
written about a time spent thinking
about intangibles, especially happy ones.
I found this small poem, thoughtful
and touching. You have real ability.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.Com
as much as I am. Sing out if you need
help as you build your portfolio and begin
to navigate the forum's many wonderful
resources.
Ms Sorceress: You write beautiful complex
poetry. You have real talent and your
poetry has enormous potential. I found this
poem haunting and sad, filled with pain and recrimination. It shares the struggles of
a poor soul, struggling with the past and
the "bars I lock myself behind"..
A warm welcome to Writing.com. I hope you'll
enjoy the forum as much as I am. Sing out if you
need help of any kind as you get settled.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Eva, this is a lovely simply
stated poem about a truly nervous
moment. You handled it well
and wrote about it with grace
and maturity. I like the poem
and your writing. Bravo !!
"Just being heard" is so
important to all of us. You
structured your poem and your
message so that your
readers will be able to fully appreciate
and relate to your message,
an very important skill to
have developed, Eva.
Thank you for sharing your poem.
It's a fine one. Keep on writing,
Eva. Your work is good.
All the best to you, Gabriella
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gabriellar45/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.29 seconds at 10:06am on May 03, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
