Greetings Kevster !

I was navigating randomly through the Read and Review section of the site and your poem appeared. The title immediately caught my attention and inflicts an urge to let me read your offering's content. I enjoyed the piece and thought of leaving you this review. But before that, let mw take this opportunity to welcome you to thr best online writing community - Writing.com.

Without much a do, here are my thoughts about your piece :

"Silence" offers a poignant glimpse into the pain of missed connections and the desperate desire for communication. Its strength lies in its emotional immediacy, conveyed through powerful imagery and direct language. The repetition of "I don't like it" serves as a relentless drumbeat, amplifying the speaker's distress, while similes like "looming wall" and "vacant space" paint a vivid picture of their emotional emptiness.

However, venturing deeper into the poem reveals opportunities for further exploration and refinement. Although repetition can be effective in driving home a point, overreliance can lead to a sense of monotony. Consider replacing some instances of "I don't like it" with synonyms or figurative language that evoke the same sentiment with greater originality and impact. Similarly, phrases like "my heart perplexed" and "my freak" might benefit from more nuanced and evocative alternatives that avoid clichés and strengthen the emotional connection.

Instead of solely focusing on the negative aspects of silence, consider venturing beyond the surface. Is the silence a consequence of a mere communication breakdown, a temporary misunderstanding, or something deeper rooted in the relationship's dynamics? Delving into the context would allow the reader to understand and empathize with the speaker's situation on a deeper level. Additionally, exploring the speaker's emotions beyond a simple dislike could create a more nuanced and relatable experience. Do they feel hurt, abandoned, insecure, or something else entirely? Highlighting these emotions with vivid imagery and evocative language could add layers of depth and complexity to the poem, allowing the reader to truly connect with the speaker's vulnerability.

The poem's current ending, although impactful in its starkness, could benefit from a shift in perspective. Instead of solely lamenting the silence, consider offering a glimmer of hope or a suggestion for breaking the cycle. Perhaps the speaker could express a desire for future communication, initiate a vulnerable question, or propose a solution for bridging the gap. This shift could empower the reader and leave a lasting impression, offering a sense of agency amidst the emotional turmoil.

Remember, poetry thrives on nuance and suggestion. While "Silence" effectively conveys a core message, infusing it with richer language, exploring the context with greater depth, and offering a more hopeful or proactive conclusion could elevate it to an even more impactful and thought-provoking piece. This journey of exploration, delving into the emotional depths and refining the language, can transform "Silence" into a truly resonant and memorable poem.

Overall, this is a good write. Thank you for sharing this to us. Keep your creative juices glowing and continue to inpire us. Once again, welcome to Writing.com. I hope your stay here gives you more encouragement and motivation to keep on writing.

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings elephantsealer !

Thank you so much for reviewing one of my pieces lately. And to return the favor, I especially visited your port to find something to read on. This poem caught my attention. Well, who wouldn't get captured by this? It's about the writer's grandpa and surely this poem would tackle the writer's experiences while taking a walk with him. Delving deep into your poem's content, here are the things I notice:

"I Love to Walk with Grandpa" is a poem that transcends its simple form and charming narrative to deliver a powerful emotional punch. Its strengths lie not only in its ability to evoke warm memories and tender feelings but also in its exploration of deeper themes about life, loss, and the enduring power of love.

The poem's emotional core lies in its portrayal of the strong bond between the grandchild and the grandfather. It effortlessly navigates between moments of pure joy, like shared laughter and playful races, and moments of poignant sadness, like the acknowledgment of the grandfather's illness and the eventual loss of the grandmother.

These emotional shifts are not abrupt or jarring; instead, they flow naturally, mirroring the ebb and flow of life itself. This allows the reader to connect with the speaker's experience on a personal level, fostering a sense of empathy and understanding.

The poem's strength lies not only in its emotional resonance but also in its ability to paint vivid pictures in the reader's mind. Lines like "He tells me jokes that tickle / And stories of his youth" and "We make and share a paper boat / To sail among the fishes" transport the reader directly into the heart of the narrative.

These sensory details engage the reader's imagination and create a sense of immersion in the story. We can almost feel the warmth of the sun on our skin, smell the fresh air, and hear the gentle babbling of the river.

The grandfather figure in the poem is not just a kind and loving presence; he is also a wise mentor who imparts valuable life lessons to his grandchild. He teaches the "Golden Rules" of respect and courtesy, shares stories of his own experiences, and instills in the child a love for nature and simple pleasures.

This positive portrayal of grandparenthood is heartwarming and resonates with readers who cherish their own relationships with their grandparents. It highlights the important role that grandparents can play in a child's life, offering guidance, support, and unconditional love.

As the poem celebrates the joys of the grandparent-grandchild bond, it also subtly touches on the themes of growth and loss. The missed walk due to the grandfather's illness and the eventual mention of the grandmother's passing add a layer of depth and complexity to the narrative.

These moments remind the reader that life is not always sunshine and rainbows. They also highlight the impermanence of things and the importance of cherishing loved ones while we still have them.

Despite acknowledging the sadness of loss, the poem concludes on a hopeful note. The final lines, "I remember well one sunny day / During our walk under the sun / I run along, while Grandpa walks / What fun for me to win the race!", leave the reader with a sense of warmth and optimism.

They remind us that even though loved ones may be gone, the memories we shared with them will stay with us forever. The love that binds us transcends time and loss, offering comfort and solace in the face of grief.

In conclusion, "I Love to Walk with Grandpa" is a poem that is both heartwarming and thought-provoking. Its evocative language, relatable characters, and exploration of universal themes make it a timeless piece that resonates with readers of all ages.

Thank you so much for this wonderful offering. Indeed a truly beautiful and meaningful piece worthy of the ribbon it bears. Thank you for sharing this. Keep your creativity flow and continue to inspire us all.

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings tracker !

For reviewing another piece from my portfolio, I feel so obliged to return the favor. And so, here I am again, raiding your port and leaving a few reviews today.

"Music" is a good title. It's just one word but tells a lot to your readers. By that alone, coined with the description "A tribute to one thing that sustains me.", we can already tell your utmost love of music. Without much a do, let's embark on a deeper exploration as I highlight the positives and strengths noted while reading your piece.

Your poem, "Music," is a captivating melody woven with sensory details, emotional resonance, and subtle musicality. It invites the reader on a journey through the transformative power of sound, leaving them humming its tune long after the final note.

The poem's greatest strength lies in its vivid imagery. Lines like "resonating through a canal" and "rowing boat bobs alongside the dock" aren't mere descriptions; they are portals transporting the reader directly into the soundscape you've created. This multi-sensory approach isn't limited to sight; you evoke touch with "knock knock" and taste with "heavenly," creating a truly immersive experience.

Every verse resonates with genuine joy and appreciation for music, making it deeply relatable. Phrases like "anxiously awaiting the magic" and "awe of composers" capture the anticipation and profound connection we all share with this universal language. This emotional honesty transcends mere words, allowing readers to connect with your experience on a heart-to-heart level.

Though subtle, the use of rhythm and the exquisite touch of alliteration adds a delicate musicality that echoes the poem's theme. Lines like "Knock knock / Humming and it comes in" and "Fortissimo or pianissimo" have a natural flow that mirrors the musicality you describe. It's as if the poem itself becomes a song, inviting readers to sway to its rhythm and internalize its message.

Indeed, this is another beautiful piece worth reading. Thank you for sharing this to is. Keep your creativity flow and continue to inspire us all. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings Odessa Molinari !

This review is to return the favor for reviewing one of my pieces. I especially visited your Portfolio, ventured to your Poetry folder and this poem caught my attention. "Along the Twisty Path" is not bad for a title. While it suggests the writer's experiences about life, it also provides images on your readers' mind the possible things the Protagonist may encounter.

Delving deep into the content of your poetry, here are my thoughts:

"Along the Twisty Path" isn't just a stroll through a whimsical landscape; it's a metaphorical odyssey, tracing the human experience from wide-eyed wonder to weary acceptance. Its brilliance lies in the interplay between playful imagery and sobering insights, capturing the bittersweet essence of life's winding road.

Each verse becomes a distinct stage in this journey. We skip alongside the speaker, enthralled by a fantastical fourteen-eyed cat, a surreal creature mirroring the boundless curiosity of childhood. Then, we run with them, swept up in the fervor of youthful pursuits, perhaps echoing the rush of first love or the thrill of discovery.

The poem's rhythm shifts. Dancing replaces running, a proof to the carefree exuberance of adolescence, where moments pirouette like leaves in the wind. But the music changes. Suddenly, we're trudging, burdened by the weight of textbook anxieties and the looming pressures of responsibility. The fantastical cat and Napoleonic armies retreat, replaced by the stark reality of a life circumscribed by "daily grind" and "things done for pay."

The final verse slows to a lumbering gait, each step heavy with the weariness of experience. The trip, the fall, the struggle – these stark verbs paint a poignant picture of our inevitable encounter with age and mortality. Yet, even in the face of this daunting truth, the poem avoids despair. The repeating refrain, "Along the twisty path I go," persists, a proof to the enduring human spirit, the will to continue the journey even as the shadows lengthen.

The beauty of "Along the Twisty Path" lies in its ability to hold these contrasting elements in tension. It celebrates the exuberant highs of the early verses without glossing over the sobering realities that await. The fantastical imagery, far from being mere escapism, becomes a vital counterpoint to the mundane, reminding us of the ever-present potential for wonder amidst the routines of life.

Furthermore, the poem encourages self-reflection. The fourteen eyes of the cat could be windows into different facets of our own personalities, anxieties, and perspectives. Napoleon's army might represent internal battles we wage against personal demons or societal pressures. The textbooks, too, might symbolize the weight of knowledge and expectations we carry on our shoulders.

Ultimately, "Along the Twisty Path" transcends the simplicity of its form. It becomes a poignant mirror reflecting back the bittersweet beauty of our human experience, a journey marked by fleeting joys and inevitable struggles, where wonder and disillusionment intertwine in an ever-shifting dance. It's a poem that lingers long after the last verse, prompting us to ponder the paths we walk and the stories etched onto their winding curves.

Indeed, a beautiful piece worth reading. Thank you for sharing this. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings tracker !

Here's my second review to return the favor of reviewing one of my pieces. I won't judge the title since it's a response the Writer's Cramp prompt. I also submitted an entry for that round. Here's mine "A Smartwatch in Trouble" .

Here are my thoughts after reading the content of your poem:

"A smartwatch in trouble" is more than just a sports poem; it's a moral tightrope walk, where the thrill of victory clashes with the sting of betrayal. The poem's strength lies in its ability to capture the raw tension of the ninth inning, interlaced with the ethical ambiguity of Craig's gambling scheme.

The poem's opening plunges us into the heart of the game, with the score tied and hope hanging heavy in the air. The "wind up ensues" becomes a deceptive dance, a mere facade for the hidden agenda playing out on Craig's wrist. The bookie's voice, amplified through the digital oracle, shatters the illusion, forcing the reader to confront the ethical minefield Craig has navigated

As the poem vividly paints the game's external drama, it also hints at the internal storm brewing within Craig. The desperate need for victory, perhaps driven by financial pressures or personal demons, becomes the unspoken catalyst for his actions. By exploring these motivations further, the poem could add layers of complexity and empathy to Craig's character, making his victory feel less triumphant and more bittersweet.

The poem's focus on Craig's internal struggle leaves the rest of the world on the periphery. Glimpses of the crowd's reaction, the coach's surprise, or even the opposing team's perspective could broaden the scope and add weight to Craig's choices. Imagine the roar of the crowd as the ball soars like a kite, defying the odds set by the invisible hand of fate. Or picture the stunned silence on the opposing bench as Craig's betrayal becomes public knowledge. These additional layers could enrich the emotional resonance of the poem and make Craig's actions resonate beyond the confines of the baseball diamond.

The poem ends with a sense of finality, the broken watch symbolizing the shattered trust and the potential consequences to come. However, this could be an opportunity to explore the lingering doubt and the ethical burden Craig now carries. Does his victory feel hollow? Does the guilt gnaw at him like the ticking of a broken watch? By exploring these questions, the poem could offer a more nuanced and thought-provoking conclusion, leaving a lasting impression on the reader.

"A smartwatch in trouble" has the potential to be a powerful exploration of the ethical quandaries that athletes, and humans in general, face. By delving deeper into the characters' motivations, expanding the world around them, and exploring the emotional and moral consequences of their actions, you can transform this captivating poem into a thought-provoking reflection on the choices we make and the price we pay for victory.

Indeed, this is a beautiful poem worth reading. I enjoyed reading this and I am wanting to read more of your creations. Thank you for sharing this. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Hi again BIG BAD WOLF is hopping !

Alright, here's my second review to return the favor of reviewing some of my items. Honestly, your words hooked me. I was like a hungry carp drawn to your bait. "Scent of Memories" is one great of a title. From this coined with your discription, images started to form in my mind. Fishing had been my favorite childhood hobby and I expect that this poem would be relatable.

Delving deep into the content, here are my thoughts:

"Scent of Memories" delicately unravels the fabric of time, weaving together sensory threads to resurrect a childhood vignette. The poem's strength lies in its ability to transport us directly into the speaker's experience, not through grand narratives, but through the subtle yet evocative power of smell.

The poem opens with a grounded, almost earthy note – the "smell of worms." This seemingly insignificant detail immediately anchors us in a specific memory, perhaps of fishing trips with family or friends. From this olfactory trigger, the poem embarks on a sensory journey, each line building upon the last like notes in a delicate symphony.

The progression feels organic, as natural as the ripples spreading across a lake. The "smell of fish" conjures visions of a sparkling lake, the glint of sunlight on its surface. The sight of a "pole" leaning against a weathered dock, the anticipation of a tug on the line, the thrill of the catch.

As the poem unfolds, the emotional intensity rises. The "sound of laughter" rings in my ears, a joyful chorus of shared moments. I witness the "sight of a carp," the biggest fish the brother ever caught, a proof to their skill and perseverance. The poem invites me to celebrate this small triumph, to share in the speaker's pride and joy.

While the poem is undeniably charming and evocative, its potential lies in delving deeper into the emotional core. Is this merely a joyous remembrance of childhood? Or does it carry a whisper of bittersweetness? Are the brothers still connected? Exploring these nuances could add depth and complexity, transforming the poem from a nostalgic snapshot into a poignant reflection on the passage of time and the enduring bonds of family.

The current poem structure adds a playful touch, but the poem could also be reimagined in adding more lines. This would allow for a more fluid and emotional flow, mimicking the way memories unfold in our minds, not in neat stanzas, but in a swirling vortex of sights, sounds, and smells.

"Scent of Memories" is a captivating poem with the potential to blossom into an even more impactful piece. Remember, the most powerful poems often lie hidden within the nuances of experience, waiting to be unearthed and shared with the world. Keep refining, keep exploring, and trust your creative instincts. The seeds of a masterpiece are already sown within "Scent of Memories." Thanks for the wonderful read. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings Octavius !

This review is to return the favor of reviewing one of my pieces. I especially raided your port, looked for the poetry folder and then this piece caught my attention. "Evolution of Tears" is a perfect choice of title. It connotes a deeper meaning about life. The title alone, wraps me with threads of interrogations that I hope to untangle. And only by reading through its content would clear the questions formed in my mind.

"Evolution of Tears" transcends the typical religious poem, weaving threads of emotional complexity under the banner of faith. It's a whispered prayer sung in the dark, its beauty residing in the raw honesty of its protagonist's struggle.

The poem opens with a masterstroke – acknowledging the paradoxical intertwining of pain and pleasure. This refusal to neatly categorize emotions resonates deeply. Pain informs joy, loss births gratitude, and the speaker chooses not to sanitize this truth. By embracing the "meta-morphs" of experience, the poem lays bare the messy reality of being human, creating a foundation for a profound exploration of faith's role in navigating these choppy waters.

The poem then leaps from the internal to the external, finding parallels in the ever-changing scenes of nature. Raindrops morphing into sleet and snow mirror the speaker's own descent, yet harbor a whisper of hope. The wintery elements, cold and unforgiving, hold the promise of spring's rebirth. This subtle juxtaposition reflects the protagonist's journey – even in the harshest depths, faith whispers the possibility of renewal.

As the poem unfolds, the vulnerability becomes palpable. The speaker bares their soul, acknowledging the gnawing loneliness, the desperate search for consolation in a seemingly barren landscape. These lines "Bear me up on Your wings, | So my feet don't touch the ground- | For I am looking for consolation | Here in this place, but none can be found." conveys the writer's desperate plea to get away from his struggles. This open wound of need invites the reader into the heart of the struggle, forging a powerful emotional connection.

When all else fails, the poem finds refuge in the luminous threads of faith. The speaker clings to every divine word, their dependence not blind piety, but a lifeline cast into the abyss. These promises are not abstract pronouncements, but tangible anchors, whispering hope and sustenance in the face of despair.

One of the poem's most striking images is the reframing of tears as "tiny triumphs." Here, suffering transforms into a badge of honor, a proof to the battles fought within. They are not mere droplets of sorrow, but the very currency of surrender, paving the way for release and transformation.

DEEP THOUGHTS BEYOND THE TEXT:

Evolution of Tears" transcends the confines of the page. Its rich imagery lends itself to other art forms. Imagine the poem's vulnerability set to a melancholic piano melody, the speaker's yearning echoed by a soaring violin. Such a rendition could elevate the emotional impact, creating a multi-sensory experience that resonates even deeper.

This poem reminds us that faith is not a sterile sanctuary, but a battleground where hope wrestles with despair. By embracing the raw fabric of human experience, "Evolution of Tears" offers a poignant proof to the enduring power of faith in the face of life's storms.

Indeed, a very thought-provoking, meaningful piece worth reading. Thank you for sharing this. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings tracker !

This review is to return the favor of reviewing one of my pieces. I especially raided your port, checked the poetry folder and this poem caught my eye. Well, it's not the title "A Pencil" that lured me to read your offering. It was the description "Will pencils become obsolete?" that tickled my mind to form a question, "What if?"

Here's what my views after reading the content:

"A Pencil" delicately dances between past and present, nostalgia clinging to the solid wood like graphite dust. The opening lines immediately draw the reader into the speaker's contemplative space, waiting for words to arrive alongside the trusty pencil – an instrument not just of writing, but of remembrance.

The poem cleverly juxtaposes the "rudimentary apparatus" of the pencil with the "short cuts" of technology. The pencil is more than just a tool; it embodies the tactile experience of shaping thoughts into tangible marks, the satisfying friction against paper, the gentle correction with "disappearing pumice." These sensory details evoke a warm longing for simpler times, when the act of writing was synonymous with learning, questioning, and personal engagement.

As the poem embraces the inevitable tide of technology, it subtly critiques its impersonal nature. The "posed by teachers, expecting answers" transforms into impersonal prompts on sterile screens, hinting at a potential loss of depth and critical thinking. This isn't just about replacing ink with pixels; it's about the potential shift in the learning process itself, the weakening of the personal connection between thinker and thought.

However, the poem avoids mere melancholic lament. The line "Tomorrow will come, bringing many advances" acknowledges the undeniable progress and wonder of technology. The poem doesn't dwell on a romanticized past, but rather poses a subtle question: in the rush for advancement, are we losing sight of the "original point" – the human connection, the mindful engagement with ideas, the tactile dance of thought and expression?


SUGGESTIONS FOR ENHANCEMENT:

To further elevate the poem, consider injecting specific details. Instead of "school days," could we glimpse a specific memory, a question scribbled on a notebook page, a teacher's encouraging inscription? Similarly, the ending could benefit from a deeper resonance. The "missing the original point" could translate into a poignant image or metaphor, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of both bittersweet acceptance and subtle, hopeful defiance.


Ultimately, "A Pencil" is a compelling poem that captures the bittersweet transition between pen and pixel. It was a great poem and I enjoyed reading it. It conveyed a message worth pondering upon. Thank you so much for sharing this. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings BIG BAD WOLF is hopping !

This review is to return the favor of reviewing some of my pieces. I especially visited your port and I found this poem "Forever Dark".

I was immediately captivated by the title, like a moth drawn to a flame. The title suggests a sense of horror and that's what I wanted to uncover. Then your description clears the mystery that crowded my mind. A poem about a tragic occurence of nature.

Here are rhe things I found out after reading the content:

"Forever Dark" evokes a haunting image of a world choked by an endless eclipse. Its strengths lie in its strong imagery, the desperate refrain of "Where is the light?", and its concise effectiveness. However, delving deeper can unlock even greater potential.

Firstly, the cause of the perpetual eclipse remains shrouded in mystery. Is it a celestial anomaly, a technological mishap, or something more enigmatic? Exploring the source could add layers of intrigue and complexity. Imagine, for instance, a poem detailing the scientists' frantic attempts to understand the anomaly or a myth whispering of ancient forces unleashing an eternal shadow.

Secondly, as the poem paints a vivid picture of the world, it lacks the touch of a human experience. Introducing a character, a lone farmer desperately nurturing crops under artificial light, a soldier haunted by battles under the blind sun, or a child yearning for a glimpse of dawn, could make the poem deeply personal and emotionally resonant. Their struggles, fears, and perhaps even their fleeting moments of hope would draw the reader into the desolate world they inhabit.

Lastly, as the bleak ending effectively captures the gravity of the situation, a hint of resilience or the spark of rebellion against the unending darkness could leave a more lasting impression. Perhaps the crops, nurtured with unwavering determination, sprout luminescent flowers. Maybe the whispers of a forgotten song of light resurface. Or perhaps, a lone scientist discovers a glimmer of hope in a data stream, hinting at a possible way to pierce the eclipse. Such possibilities leave the reader with a sense of lingering agency, even in the face of immense darkness.

Expanding on these elements, playing with structure or rhyme, and injecting figurative language can further enrich the poem. Similes might compare the perpetual night to a suffocating blanket, while metaphors could liken the characters' hopes to flickering embers defying the gloom.

By exploring the cause of the darkness, adding a human voice, and introducing a glimmer of hope, "Forever Dark" can transform from a strong poem into a truly captivating and profound exploration of our own resilience in the face of seemingly insurmountable darkness.

Overall, this is a great piece worth reading. Thank you for sharing this piece. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings Sumojo !

I was cruising randomly though the Read and Review section of Writing.com and your poem appeared. The title "Hidden thoughts" captivated me to delve deep into your poem's content. I enjoyed reading it and thought of giving you this review.

Also I am reviewing as part of "SuperPower Winter Fun Raid" . Without much a do, Here's what struck me most:

"Hidden Thoughts" resonates as a raw exploration of navigating one's inner labyrinth. Your poem, in its brevity, masterfully captures the disorientation of feeling disconnected from your own emotional core.

The opening lines, "Sometimes I feel locked out/ Of how I truly feel," plunge the reader directly into the speaker's existential vulnerability. It's a sentiment many can relate to, the unnerving uncertainty of where authentic emotion hides amidst the masks we wear.

Your poem doesn't shy away from delving into the perplexing nature of self-perception. Questions like "What is it all about?" and "Which part of me is real?" echo in the reader's mind, mirroring the speaker's struggle to grapple with their own identity.

The image of "old skin" brilliantly symbolizes the layers of constructed selves we present to the world. It evokes a sense of shedding, of the potential for uncovering something rawer and more genuine beneath the surface.

The final line, "I find it difficult to know/ As hidden depths I still discover," is both a confession and a promise. It leaves the reader hanging, yet hopeful, as the speaker embarks on a journey of self-discovery towards their unknown depths.

Overall, this was a great write worth reading. Thank you so much for sharing this. Keep your creative juices flowing.



Best regards,
Gervic

Greeting sindbad !

I was cruising randomly through the Read and Review section of Writing.com and your poem appeared. I was immediately captured by your title's allure. I was like a thirsty butterfly drawn to a honeysuckle vine. As a lad who likes romance genre, I can't help but delve deep into your poem's content.

The poem masterfully paints a contrast between the woman's vibrant exuberance and the speaker's melancholic longing. "Lost in her world of make-believe" beautifully juxtaposes the woman's carefree joy with the speaker's grounded pragmatism, silently yearning for a connection that remains elusive. Each stanza peels back a layer of the woman's personality, showcasing her fluctuating emotions through "prattles, guffaws in glee" and "fret and mourn invariably." It creates a dynamic portrait, constantly questioning whether she's truly oblivious or holding back a veiled vulnerability. The poem's tone seamlessly shifts from hopeful anticipation ("So caught up in all that she feels") to a resigned acceptance ("She'll go on with this fiddle-dee-dee"). This subtle evolution reflects the speaker's emotional journey, making their unspoken desires all the more palpable.

And how could I forgot the excellent rhyme and rhythmic pattern of this beautiful composition! You masterfully crafted this piece that made me detect not a single flaw.

Overall, this is a great piece and I thank you for sharing this with us. Keep your creative juices flowing.

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings Tim Chiu !

I was cruising randomly through the Read and Review section of this site and your poem appeared. I enjoyed reading it and thought of leaving you this review.

Your poem, "The Hum and the Thumb," effectively captures the contemporary experience of relying on cell phones for social connection. The opening line, "Wow, the best is beginning to hum," immediately piques curiosity, leaving the reader wondering what the "best" might be. This intrigue is cleverly revealed to be the familiar hum of a phone coming to life, setting the stage for the poem's exploration of this ubiquitous device.

The poem's strength lies in its clear and relatable depiction of everyday phone use. The specific details, like "flipping open the cell with my thumb" and the "lasting chime of the cell phone ring," paint a vivid picture that resonates with anyone who has ever eagerly awaited a call or text. The consistent use of end rhymes and a steady rhythm further enhance the poem's accessibility, making it enjoyable to read aloud or silently absorb.

However, to truly elevate "The Hum and the Thumb," consider delving deeper into the emotional core of the experience. The poem effectively conveys anticipation and thankfulness and it could benefit from exploring the full spectrum of emotions associated with phone use. Does the speaker feel a sense of excitement, loneliness, or even dependence on their phone? Are there underlying anxieties or frustrations about the constant connectivity it provides? By exploring these emotional nuances, you can add greater depth and complexity to the poem's message.

Furthermore, infusing the poem with figurative language can significantly enhance its imagery and impact. Instead of simply stating that the phone hums, consider using a metaphor or simile to evoke a more evocative description. Perhaps the hum is a "siren song," luring the speaker into a world of virtual connection, or a "steady heartbeat," symbolizing the constant presence of the phone in their life. Similarly, the anticipation of the call could be described as a "fizzing anticipation" or a "knot of nervous excitement" in the speaker's stomach. By employing these literary devices, you can create a richer sensory experience for the reader and elevate the poem's emotional resonance.

Finally, consider experimenting with the poem's sentence structure. Although the current structure is clear and concise, introducing more variety can add dynamism and emphasis. Try incorporating longer, flowing sentences to build anticipation, or use shorter, fragmented sentences to capture fleeting thoughts or emotions. This variation will keep the reader engaged and allow you to highlight specific moments within the poem.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can transform "The Hum and the Thumb" from a well-written poem into a truly captivating and thought-provoking piece. Remember, the best poems often go beyond the surface, delving into the emotional complexities and hidden meanings that lie beneath the everyday experiences they depict.

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece. Keep your creative juices flowing.

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings Maria Pen !

I was cruising randomly through the Read and Review section of this page and found you writing. I enjoyed reading it and thought of giving you this review. But before I'll proceed, let me take this opportunity to welcome you to our wonderful writing community - Writing.Com! Welcome!

"LOVE TAKES TIME" is a good choice of title. I firmly believe to this, indeed Love takes time. I was immediately drawn to delve deep into the content of your writing.

Here are the positive things I found while reading this:



Although the story is good, I still found areas the your might consider improving. Instead of directly mentioning your emotions (elated, felt like winning the lottery), consider using descriptive actions and dialogue to show them. For example, you could describe your heart racing, a wide smile lighting up your face, or your voice trembling with excitement.

In addition, the story focuses heavily on the emotional reunion but lacks details about the church setting or your friend's appearance beyond the metaphor. You could describe the church's warm interior, the familiar scent of incense, or your friend's specific outfit or hairstyle. This adds depth and immersion for the reader.

Furthermore, briefly mentioning being busy and missing church leaves room for exploration. Consider delving into the reasons behind your absence, the potential struggles, and the significance of returning. This could add conflict and complexity to the story.

And lastly, the final sentence about love and time feels disconnected from the immediate interaction with your friend. Consider tying the themes of friendship, faith, and time back to the specific context of your reunion to create a more cohesive ending.

Oh and before I forgot, I found one typographical error. "Your You're here now, and its so good to see you!"

Overall, this is a sweet and feel-good story with potential for further development. By adding sensorial details, exploring the characters and setting more deeply, and weaving in the themes through actions and dialogue, you can make your story even more engaging and impactful. Thank you for sharing this and keep your creative juices flowing. Write on!


Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings Netty !

I was cruising randomly through the Read and Review section of this site and found your piece. I enjoyed reading it and thought of leaving you this review.

"A REUNION IN HEAVEN" is pretty well chosen for a title. It evokes a clear message of a glorious meeting of your passing loved ones who are now in heaven. I was immediately drawn to delve deep into the content of your poetry.

The text you've written captures the essence of a joyous and awe-inspiring reunion in heaven. Here are some suggestions for further enhancing its evocative power:

Specificity: Consider adding specific details about the loved ones and friends you imagine being reunited with. This could personalize the vision and make it more emotionally resonant.



Sensory details: Adding sensory details can immerse the reader in the celestial scene.



Figurative language: Using metaphors or similes can elevate the text and add deeper meaning.



Emotional impact: Although joy and awe are clear, consider exploring other emotions that might arise.



Structure and flow: The text can be further enhanced by considering its structure and flow.



Overall, this was a great write with deep meaning and emotional impact to readers. Thank you so much for letting me read this. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

Greetings El escriber !

Hey there!

I stumbled upon your introduction in the Read and Review section and I'm so glad you're giving Writing.Com a try! This place is a treasure trove of support, inspiration, and motivation for writers of all levels.

Don't sweat the English thing! Many of us here have it as a second (or even third!) language. I know I used to wrestle with grammar myself, but thanks to the awesome community here, my writing has come a long way.

I'm excited to check out your work and hopefully you'll find some time to explore mine too.

Welcome to Writing.Com! We're thrilled to have you. If you ever need a hand with anything, don't hesitate to ask. We're all here to help each other grow.

Keep those creative juices flowing and let your writing muse fly! Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic