*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: OFF
1,432 Public Reviews Given
1,595 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 14 15 16 ... Next
251
251
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Author00 ~

The writing is technically of poor quality, as it is filled with numerous errors:

on a hill (overlooking) the village

building was a huge(,) [g](G)othic structure

instead of twenty(-)first century USA.

spirit for others(,) but not so

the place(,) and it seemed to

If they looked closely (or maybe it was just their imagination)(,)they would swear

own church building(,) but something had always

a building built(,) but an 'accident' occurred

his cathedral(,)and he had hand-picked

had disappeared(,) and no one seemed

>>>>>> I am only six paragraphs into this first chapter and already have found ten changes to suggest making. This piece needs to be edited much more carefully. I am not going to continue editing it, but you should have editing performed prior to publication.
(The remainder of these chapters is also filled with errors.)

The premise of the first chapter is highly unlikely. Is this supposed to be a fantasy, horror, or just what genre?

There are also too many cliches used.
‘the (handwriting) on the wall’; on him like two ducks on a June bug.

the other kicked him repeatedly (faster than you could count) in the groin. The man jumped up and ran >>>>> If kicked repeatedly in the groin, the man would be rolling around on the ground, not running away.

These first two chapters have much wrong with them. One can only hope the other 49 chapters are better.

If you believe in your story, then you need to do a serious job of rewriting and improving. It might be quite rewarding for you in the end.

Cheers!

Harry
252
252
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Sophy ~

I'd say you met the prompt properly to write a one long sentence "stream of consciousness" type of poem. You say you don't intend to add additional punctuation to it, but why not? You already have used commas; so why not improve the reading with more well-placed commas?

of the ficus tree outside the bedroom window(,)

his wife of fifty-three years(,)
his daughters and a granddaughter(,)
his faithful Siamese cat who slept at his feet(,)

female energy keeping vigil(,)

To me, these commas would improve this poem and not detract from it.

As to the content of the poem, I found the poem quite poignant. I think the writing is excellent for this style poem.

Cheers!

Harry

253
253
Review of Valentine  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Lureeasygoer ~

Your Valentine poem carries its message of love well enough. However, it is filled with technical problems (spelling, grammar, no punctuation). I like the content, but the delivery is extremely flawed. Its attention to detail was too easy going.

V[e](a)lentine

A Valentine poem or song I have never [write] (written,) (correct, but ruins the rhyme)
[B](b)ut I will give it my best shot tonight(.)
I feel inspired(,) and it’s because of you(.)
Your words have touched me straight through(.)
My mind(,) my [H](h)eart(,) and my soul(,)
(Of)[M](m)y whole being [Y](y)ou have taken hold(.)

Most of your lines are complete sentences, except then you have:
Food for my soul your poem and your song
All through the day your words in my head

Every stanza needs reworking. You get the idea of what I think is needed from above.

I feel (somehow) I have fallen for you

Cupid(,) Cupid(,) (wherever) you are(,)

Is it even possible for your heart to be mine[ ]? This last line is the only place you use punctuation at present. [Remove the extra space]

Sorry I cannot give this a higher rating and more favorable review...

Cheers!

Harry
254
254
Review of I'm Special Too  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Daizy ~

This poem is rather short and simple. However, it delivers an important message that each of us is special. Thus, it is a worthwhile write and nicely done.

I have only two suggestions for your consideration:

That I haven't any[,]

And hear, "Good for you!['](")

Cheers!

Harry
255
255
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, I`staiNed ~

Your poem captures well the feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside that come with being broken-hearted by love. This poem is well-written overall, and I enjoyed the read.

I have a few items for you to consider and do with as you please:

not easily seperated. >>>>> separated

But such feelings of loneliness[,]
leech themselves to you,

Only the broken(-)hearted,

when you're the broken(-)hearted.

Have you ever walked alone[?](,)
[Y](y)our hand to your chest and
the coldness of a dying heart felt? >>>> Make into one sentence.

Cheers!

Harry
256
256
Review of 'The Incident'  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, iKïyå§ama ~

You did an excellent job of telling a story with dialogue only. The story was interesting and creative. This is nicely done. However, there are numerous items in need of attention:

Atlanta(,) Georgia.”

“Well, I heard this loud boom sound(,) and I sorta figured my [D](d)ad had blown the circuit again[, h](. H)e’s always tinkering with stuff in the basement[– a](. A)nyway, I figured my dad’s screwed up again(,) and I sorta waited to hear my [M](m)om go yelling at him again(,) and I didn’t hear anything.”
>>>> My mom & my dad but Mom and Dad (referring to them directly as what you call them as names)

heck’s going on(,) and I hear nothing – like total

happened(,) and he wasn’t there.

looking for my [M](m)om and [D](d)ad.

everything’s there(,) but my [M](m)om

still on the fire[, t](. T)here’s vegetables still

chopped(,) and the TV’s still on(,) but my [M](m)om’s nowhere

looking for my [D](d)ad(,) and I’m calling him

still intact(,) but it’s like my [D](d)ad’s vanished

phone with him(,) but surprise, surprise, phone lines are dead(,) and as if on cue, the power

around and the(y)[re] were too scared

just keep watch(,) you know, until something happened or (I got) rescue(d)

dare leave(,) especially when

going on outside(,) and I didn’t want

Sure they scold(ed) and yell(ed) at me when I get in trouble at school(,) but they were

you’re thinking(,) and no, my [D](d)ad never hit

two weeks(,) and he was planning

needed my space(,) you know, but

You guys know(,) right?

answered soon(,) but I thank you for your time(,) Ms Marsh.

on the line(,) but for now, let the survivors

Cheers!

Harry
257
257
Review of A Day in My Life  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1567578 Unavailable **

Greetings, writehanded ~

This is quite cute and makes an entertaining read. It does have some grammatical issues, however:

He'll be disciplined instead(.)[,]"

A nearby house up for sale;
[And h](h)ere was when [he](my son) said something

But my child's response came clearly[, ]
And still resonates today(.)[, ]
"Hey(,) you snotty-nosed(,) old man," was

What had happened to my dream child[,]
And (to) my roll of grey duct tape?

And stepped in to save my skin(.)[, ]

Cheers!

Harry
258
258
Review of Scrap Metal  
Review by Harry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Hyperiongate ~

Good story, with good use of challenge words. Very well-written overall. It was nearly perfect grammatically, except:

A window opened up on the side of the craft(,) and a small orb floated out.

Quite excellent writing!

Cheers!

Harry
259
259
Review of Hanging Time  
Review by Harry
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Matt ~

This story is interesting. However, it is so error-filled that it was hard to read.

Items for you to consider:

my greatest invention yet(,) Kit!”

through [T](t)ime itself.

After all(,) it was this

your left hand(,) and then tuck this

the items to the [juvenile] teenager.

Professor McCoy frowned(.)[,] “The quill was your great- great- great- great- great- grand uncle’s(. H)[h]e made

Project(,) and this will let you

“Yes(,) [i](I) am(,) sir(,) but...”

of McCoy's tests(,) but time travel!

to get back(,) use the sand.”

It was beautiful(;)[,] the colours shone

fell through a (doorway) he had

was quick(,) Kit. How..... a strange(,) old man.

of good health(,) sir[.](,)”

Shut the (claptrap)(,) boy. The machine worked?”

“The [M](m)achine worked?”

“Oh(,) good. ..............the stranger(')s answer

rooting foods >>>rotting

He looked at his hands(,) and they looked solid. Confused(,) the boy sat

intoxicating(,) and he remembered

Bile formed in his throat(,) and he ran for an alley(,) where he retched
>>>> Bile forms in the gall bladder, not the throat.

A deep(,) angry voice

defeated the bear(,) and thou didst not

ancestor(,) and he was being mistaken

thy secret(,) then thou will know what [i](I) will

documents[. M](, m)y friend. I have them(,) and [i](I) will use [use] them.”

clean and clear(,) and the invisible horses

He attempted to cross(.)[ and t](T)he velocity of a cart threw him backwards(;) so he crouched on a doorstep and fell asleep.

turned (in)to bangs(,) and a loud voice accompanied it[, i](. I)t told him

allowed rough hands (to) arrest him

banged open(,) but before the p(r)ofessor could say anything(,) he raised

Marlow(,) and [i](I) was born

[R](r)eality of 1593(;) he was to be hung for [B](b)lasphemy.

A co(a)[u]rse rope was looped over Kit(')s head. A black(-)hooded figure

Could Time Last Long Enough.
Could time last long enough?

over his head(,) and in the darkness he started a

grim(,) but he could feel jeers and cheers [welling their bodies] = ??. He felt far away(,) then he

Cheers!

Harry
260
260
Review of The Scream  
Review by Harry
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Legerdemain ~

I like this; yet I was left feeling it was somehow incomplete, needing more.

Was each line supposedly a scream? This would have been slient: The sound of the silent word she mouthed as she watched me go. Or was it all incorporated into the dying person's scream, sort of one all-encompassing scream? As it is, it left me a bit confused as to what exactly the title meant.

Cheers!

Harry
261
261
Review by Harry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, my dear, dear Shaara ~

Long time, no see, no hear....nothing! *Smile*

I enjoyed your poem of a vampire associating with a pack of wolves. It was well-written. I found only a few items to bring to your attention:

(At m)[M]idnight, under the moon’s round, white light(,)

“Brothers,” said I, “[Y](y)ou cannot

Then they slipped into (the) forest, and I[,] into town.


Nice to read your work again.

Cheers!

Harry
262
262
Review by Harry
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, WebWitch ~

This is somewhat cute, although it doesn't hang together very well. By that I mean there are several lines whose content seems out of place as though the line was concocted just for the end-rhyme. Plus I have a suggestion for you to consider for almost every line:

High upon a mount in Chile, [M](m)y spirit soars so wild(.)
There was a woman, toothless, too, who trained a little child
[H](h)ow to cast a spell so bleak[,] on some buffoonish tourist's head(,)
[C](c)ausing him to dance instep[,] with a chicken painted red!

The man [he] danced until he fell into a sewage pit(.)
The chicken ran[,] to start a band[,] and tried a brand new skit(.)
The folks in town[,] turned up their noses[,] at the unlucky guy's situation(.)
He was a stinker, a heavy drinker, and the worst they've seen in the nation!

So(,) if you see a toothless wench with blackness in her heart(,)
[R](r)emember the chilli she tends to create [don't] just (doesn't / won't ?) make you fart!
For she has a child, who has gone wild, with his voo-doo in-can-ta-tions(.)

Writing good comedy is hard!

Cheers!

Harry
263
263
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, ShiShad ~

Your poem is quite touching and well-written overall. My main suggestion would be for you to use proper punctuation throughout and not capitalize every line, even if in mid-sentence.

I have a photo of your son today(.)
He looks just like you at fifteen(;)
'(l)[L]ike a beanpole' one might say(.)

I rode the one hundred miles
[I](i)t took to travel where you lay(,)
[W](w)alked amongst manicured aisles(,)
[F](f)ound your home encased in clay.

This illustrates how I'd suggest you rework the poem. I'll leave the last two stanzas for you to redo if you so wish.

The subject of the poem is very moving, and having the photo included makes it even better.

Cheers!

Harry
264
264
Review of Hotly Scored  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Legerdemain ~

Your poem uses good imagery to convey that love can be painful (as well as being blind). The moth getting burned by a flame, yet being drawn to it works well.

I did have a few problems with the poem. If you were going for rhyming couplets, you missed the mark with all the near-rhymes. Also, in stanzas two and three you have your hand being hotly scored by the flame. Then:
With deeply diminished vital signs, >>>>> Why would scoring your hand cause "deeply diminished vital signs" ?? Confusing.
Unlearned pain I own[,](;) it’s mine.

Finally, does a hot flame "score" or does it scorch?

Cheers!

Harry
265
265
Review by Harry
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings ~

This poem deals with a dark and evil place. Somehow it didn't quite gel for me. I could never figure out an endrhyming pattern. There were many endrhymed lines but no consistency I could decipher. Likewise, three stanzas were quatrains, but one stanza had five lines and another was a couplet. I found all this a bit disconcerting in trying to read the poem.

"where evil dwells" was used six times in the poem, which was too repetitive for me.

Some lines were confusing to me, such as these:
Where evil dwells, souls are lunch cafeteria trays.
They are nothing more than exponential decay.
>>>>> Souls are "lunch cafeteria trays"?? If so, these trays do not display "exponential decay". Were you trying to rhyme "trays" with "decay"? These are not good rhymes (trays/decay).

Semicolons instead of commas are needed as punctuation in the middle of each of the last two lines.

This poem comes across to me as one written to sound impressive at the expense of clarity. I found several lines confusing, like those cited above and these:
-- for this is where evil dwells, putrid affections swell. >>>> putrid affections swell ?? Were you going for rhyming hell, dwells, and swell?
-- Only where evil dwells with are you worth his might. >>>> worth God's might? with?

The mood of this poem was created well, but clarity and consistency were abandoned in the process in my opinion. This poem could benefit from a reworking to correct its deficiencies.

Cheers!

Harry
266
266
Review of Protect and Serve  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Romeo-Whiskey ~

I commend the sentiment behind this piece. It is wonderful to try to salute the gallant public servant. However, I feel you took on too large a topic here and did not make it specific enough. For instance, you could have addressed specifically what being a police officer was like and then said it applied to other public servants as well. Instead of writing it as "You", it would be better as "A police officer" and then "he/she". Additionally, you may have overstated how heroic the average public servant truly is. They are as human as us civilians. (My wife's family has a sherriff, a sherriff's deputy, a police officer, and state trooper in it. They all are wonderful men but they are down to earth people, not some grandiose hero rushing without thought into danger. They are cautious and careful in doing their jobs. That is how they stay alive!)

This piece has any number of problem areas:

You race to the place w(h)ere there is a problem without a single thought. >>>> You must being thinking something! About the traffic, missing sleep, something. Maybe you meant "...without a single thought for your own safety." or some such.

greatest fear of man(,) and yet you step

invested in you by the founders that made this great country >>> Say what? More like your local authorities!

Abuse is sudden death(,) and sudden swift decisions can lead to a well(-)placed headline reading, “Hero"(,) or worse
>>>>" Abuse is sudden death" -- This is confusing. Whose death and how? Abuse may be a simple man-handling or simple beating.

you on fire(,) and the need for constant service

Always willing to respond, w(h)ere called, without [haste]. >>>> without haste means being slow, in no big hurry. You probably meant without "hesitation".

Once the devil's children are made accountable for their devilish deeds, you may rest for only a moment until the next cry for help is captured by innocent ears. >>>> Overly dramatic, puffed up writing. This sentence is then followed by a list of sentence fragments. You need a lead-in, such as "You are: " before the list begins.

Yet when it’s all finished(,) we must get ready >>>>> Switched from "you" throughout to "we" here.

How many hero's will be lost >>> heroes

The last part becomes too inclusive: soldiers, officer (what kind?), firefighter, medical personnel (all? from doctor to nurse to ambulance driver to med lab technician?), Marines,... What about Navy and Air Force and Coast Guard? This paragraph begins: "This is the life a Police Officer endures." and ends with "...thank a soldier for keeping your life free." Confusing. Are you still talking about a police officer at the end or about the Army soldier?


While I applaud your attempt here, I think this is currently quite a mess. It could be wonderful with a thoroughout overhauling, however.

Cheers!

Harry
267
267
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Jewel of Arabia ~

The message here is a good one. This makes one stop and think about Man's polluting and killing the world's oceans. The concept behind this story is creative and imaginative.

The problem with this piece is all the technical writing errors. I list some for your consideration:

Whales nearby(,) but what she was picking up sounded like a group (of) people having an

“Hey(,) Luke, you wanna check

that I though(t) could happen only

“Are you feeling okay(?)[,] I thought it might have

by polluting the ocean, the(y) are essentially killing themselves. I mean come on[e], the fish are getting harder to find(,) and the ones

one of you?” (a)[A] female’s voice asked, a strange

deep silence(,) and a small hum

must remember(,) sisters, not all humans

They go through the out-most extremes to save >>>>?? go to the utmost extremes to save...

Give them time(,) my children[,](;) soon they will realize

more faint as the(y) moved away from the vessel(')s startled occupants.


This piece would be much improved if cleaned up.

Cheers!

Harry



268
268
Review of Forever  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Forsaken ~

The message may be overstated here, a bit of overkill. Maybe the last quotation should merely be a repeat of the first two lines. It would be simpler and more poetic.

together with you(.)[;]

[t](T)he words "I do"
sound in my mind(,)[.]
[A](a) sweet chorus

I want to spend forever[, ]
together[,] with you(,)
forever[,] together,
just us two.
>>>>> Get rid of three of the commas [ ] so that it flows smoother.

We run through the night,
shouting for all the world to hear,
"I want to spend forever
together with you."

Do as you please with my suggestions. *Smile*

Cheers!

Harry
269
269
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Kåre Enga ~

Your poem displays good imagery and descriptive phrases.

I had a couple of suggestions:

You sparkle like houses clinging to cliffs of Capri[;](,)
like moonstones of marble cut from the Alps;

They name you Topaz, assign you some worth[.](,)
[B](b)ut you are worthy of more.

My favorite line = You are radiance captured in stone, cut to a gem.

Nicely written poem!

Cheers!

Harry
270
270
Review of I Can't  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, MandiK ~

This poem captures the angst of being a high schooler trying to figure out relationships.

Like a teenager, it confuses want with need.

I need you, >>> Need? Want maybe, but need?

What I have[;](,)
I cannot want, >>> Cannot or do not?

And what I want[;](,)

Cheers!

Harry
271
271
Review of Squirrel Hunting  
Review by Harry
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Legerdemain ~

The story itself was wonderful to read -- quite humorous and entertaining throughout.

The switching of verb tense back and forth throughout requires immediate attention. Plus there were a number of commas omitted:

sickness was bad(,) but this was

to work every day(,) so there I sat,

like to complain[,](;) money was short(,) and it helped

wild animal stews(,) but they weren't

for a moment(,) but I didn't voice it.

hunting(,) and you'll have to

into bed(,) and he set the

suck(ed) the belly in and finally succeed(ed) in getting the suit
I [can't](couldn't) sit without sprawling my legs to make room(,) but at least I['ve] got
>>>> You changed verb tense from past to present in the middle of this paragraph.

We head(ed) off in the truck, making our way to the place where he likes to get breakfast.

He slam(med)[s] the door and walk(ed)[s] into the restaurant. ... I didn't really catch on until he got back in the truck and pulled a sandwich and a coffee from the bag after we got back on the road. I grabbed the bag and peered in. >>>> The first sentence uses present tense; the last sentence uses past tense. Be consistent with verb tense used!

I [am](was) NOT going to cry.

Pretty soon we pulled off the road and into a small clearing. There didn't appear to be a path or anything leading into the woods. Maybe because it was still dark.>>>> From here on, you switch the story to the present tense. Choose either to write this all in past tense or all in present tense and don't keep mixing tenses. (I'll not change present to past tense from here on and let you fix the verb tense throughout.)

of the truck(,) and he unpacks

"We're going to sit right here[, w](. W)hen it starts to get light out, we'll hear the squirrels in the treetops.(")

into my suit[,](;) I'm freezing!

could be heard up in the trees. A squirrel was making its way toward us in the treetops. He handed me >>>> Switched back to past tense!

I'd shot the gun before(,) so I wasn't afraid.

into the truck(,) and I unzipped

If you clean up the verb tenses and omitted commas, then this will be a fantastic piece of writing.

Cheers!

Harry
272
272
Review by Harry
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467578 Unavailable **

Greetings, Dr. T ~

This is an entertaining and enjoyable story. It was filled with delightful images throughout. Nice story!

I had the following suggestions for your consideration:

his teeth, (he) had some crazy

but an [A](a)stronomy student

helped the lab people [to] set up

old Beatles tune ([y](Y)ellow [s](S)ubmarine),

Mike put [on] an apron on Isaac's torso and mumbled "[o](O)kay". He took his customer's long hair ([they](it) reached below the shoulder [in their present state]) and gave [them](it) a caress.
>>> Better would be: He took his customer's long hair, which reached below the shoulder, and caressed it.

a private person[,] and not one to

"Wake up, sir(;)[,] the cut is over,"

for a quick head-wash. >>> quick head-wash?? quick shampoo of his hair?

into the bed room >>> bedroom

yanked the towel off[,] and was greeted by a shocking mop of curly(,) green hair.

looking disbelievingly. >>> staring in disbelief

same time [to] not (to) laugh


Cheers!

Harry
273
273
Review of My World  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Jewel of Arabia ~

The introductory note: ...when [you're](your) muse is so persistent? I'm also not happy with the title(;) so any suggestions would be appreciated.

The title seems good enough to me.

This is an interesting poem. It would benefit from punctuation, I think:

The sound of my dog’s tag[’]s chiming(,) >> tags
The roar of passing cars(,)
The scent of exhaust mixed with freshly mowed grass(,)

This is my world( -- )
Things not seen
But experienced(.)

One sense gone(,)
The others strengthened(.)
With my partner by my side(,)
I am ready to conquer this world(.)

This poem sums up the world of a blind person who has a positive attitude to succeed in life. Nicely written!

Cheers!

Harry
274
274
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Daizy ~

What a sweet poem! The imagery here is touching, and the poem's message is endearing and true. I'm sure many a new mother would say the experience is beyond compare. I enjoyed the read of this nicely written poem.

Cheers!

Harry
275
275
Review of Secret Garden  
Review by Harry
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, iKïyå§ama ~

The story was entertaining and interesting to read. You followed the propmts fairly well, although I'm not sure what finding the items in the box tells about their former residents. ??

I found the following items for your consideration:

“Look(.)[,]” He opens up the door

got a lot of things to do, sweetie.” Sweetie? What father calls his non-infant son "sweetie"? Mothers sure; fathers, no.

since then(,) and it looks like

bedroom(,) and beneath the pungent smell of fresh paint, there’s this faint smell

miracle if [any] of my clothes can fit into that space. >>>> Any? Not room for even one shirt and pair of pants? Maybe "all'? ...miracle if all of my clothes can fit...

at the small(,) wooden box

such a box(,) and on closer inspection, I can see

the dust(,) and seeing that there are no locks on it, I open it

lined with a rich(,) red velvet cloth

what’s written(,) and this is what I can come

at first glance(,) but there’s something

with its creeping vines(,) for in its stead is

Well(,) my room’s still better than yours(;) so there!”

For(,) although it is small and miserable at first glance, its true beauty can only be revealed >>>> To what does 'it' refer --- the room or the set of binoculars?

Cheers!

Harry
524 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 21 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11