Greetings, Diane ~
You did a nice job with the story and incorporating the titles of books. The story was interesting and entertaining.
I have a number of punctuation suggestions for your consideration:
hate being alone(,) so I jump from one
couple of weeks(,) and then I am back out
sure how to get there(,) so we grab
from a friend at work(,) so we all hope
for the last two years(,) so it should be safe to
to our conversation(,) and Jillian chimed in
listen to her[, h](. H)er mother set her up.
You'll find yours[,](;) just give it time."
clothes were and(,) more importantly(,) how fantastic our bodies
in front of the club[,](;) most are pierced in multiple places
isn't in there[, h](. H)e really creeps
standing outside(,) so we plunged ahead
of the king[,](;) dude's trying to look like
I order a drink[;](--) I'll need a strong one to survive this place (--)[,] and start looking around.
on the dance floor(,) but I am not familiar
He is smiling(,) and(,) because he seems harmless, I smile back. He is talking(,) but I can't hear him over the music(,) so I lean in closer.
just for you(,) baby."
anything with it(,) and I told him so.
the designated driver(,) so she drops us
I am the last to be dropped off(.)[ and a] (A)s she is driving away,
than it's worth(,) but it has me laughing
You overuse connecting what could be two separate sentences with 'so'. If you use 'so', it usually needs a comma before it. You also need to use a comma before 'and' or 'but' connecting two complete sentences. Don't be afraid to use more separated sentences, i.e. not feel the need to link them together with 'so', 'and', or 'but' as often.
Cheers!
Harry |
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