*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
1,432 Public Reviews Given
1,595 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
51
51
Review of Africa! Africa!  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Pony Tale ~

Your poem transports the reader to Africa with its fantastic imagery. This poem is quite well done, and I much enjoyed the read. I liked the repeat of Africa! Africa!

One technical note: The last line of stanza one has a dash, whereas the other three stanza's last line does not. I'd suggest having a dash after each stanza's last line to lead into the following Africa! Africa! line. (Needs a space between the dash and last word.)

Cheers!

Harry
52
52
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Season's Greetings, Fyn ~

I truly enjoyed reading this poem. It is well-written and has great flow. The message at the end is wonderfully done. Excellent work!

Cheers!

Harry
53
53
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Kazsam ~

As an opening scene, this has good content in that it holds the reader's interest and makes him want more details of the story.
However, the technical aspects of the writing are dreadful and need major reworking.

Here are my suggestions for you to consider: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

Sheep in Wolves(') [c](C)lothing (--) Opening scene >>>> Wolves' Clothing
If there is interest(,) I will post more.

“Zah zah(,) baby.

puppy to get to?” [H](h)e asked.

would say something(,) but she just stared

When a clay pot broke with a loud crash(,) Mrs. Nox finally

“Yes(,) baby, go there now and do not come out until you see the moon(,)[.]” [S](s)he said and

“What about mid meal?” [He wined](he whined). >>> whined, not wined

turned cold(,) and her hands balled up

Even though Zahilla stood before her in his human form(,) he could still smell the terror [that] she reeked of.

"Now!” [S](s)he barked,

pulled away from his eyes(,) the smell of panic overwhelmed him.

Since he had shrunk in size(,) his clothes no longer fit [him].

Let me go(,) or I will bite you!

The wet season had almost ended[,](;)that night the rain fell

Oh(,) I don't feel very good. Suddenly, the smell of fear and dirt made him nauseated(,) and he had to stop

You know something bad is going to happen too(,) don't you?

"They won't find him(,) Kriana."

out the [K](k)ing's men'll leave[.](,)" Mr. Nox assured her(,) but Zahilla could smell uncertainty on him[;](,) the kind when animals

I'm sure the [K](k)ing has

"Have you seen a dragon(,) Max?

"No(,) Kriana(,) of course I have never seen a dragon(,)[.]" Mr. Nox interupted,

"Well(,) I am not willing to stand here and wait to find out. We need to run(,) Max."

"If we run(,) we will be running for the rest of our lives. The king is a reasonable man. >>> Here you have king not capitalized, which is correct. Be consistent thorough with this usage.

Please(,) Max, let's go."

"He's a dragon(,) Max! Of course he will find him! Oh(,) grandmother

"Stop those prayers(,) Kriana.

As if it could hear his thoughts(,) the booming and

stopped crying(,) and no one even

have gone silent(,) but the smells still

as he ran deep into the woods(,) his tail tucked between his legs.

to the [K](k)ing!"

Sir Drake(,) have mercy[, h](. H)e doesn't even know

“Please(,) Sir Drake, look through the house(. H)[h]e isn't here(,)[.]” Kriana pleaded.

"You would betray your [K](k)ing?"

betrayed your King by letting >>> king

saw a large(,) green claw cut

away from the blood(,) but his little body couldn't move

warm up(,) and an orange light glowed

The air itself hurt him now(,) and he could feel

dieing >>> dying

tilt and sway(,) and the orange light began

must be dieing. >>> dying


Cheers!

Harry
54
54
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Bear ~

The story's content is good. It captures the negativeness that many cancer patient must handle. The technical aspect of the writing, however, needs a lot of cleaning up:

[ ] = delete /// ( ) =- insert

Strangely, the same background music in the room[,] seemed to come full circle again, as "All [y](Y)ou [n](N)eed [i](I)s Love" echoed once more in his head.

But(,) he was so self(-)adsorbed[;](,) too much into his own self(-)pity to be bothered.

"You have a nice smile(,) Andrew." or "It's so nice when you smile(,) Andrew."

Or was it just another (lackluster) day[;](,)]music humming

... forgotten that all the help he received[;](--) all the wonderful people he had met[;](who) were a part of his recovery.

It was not just cancer he needed recovery from[. Rather](, but also) the years of negativeness that had seeped into his life like a cancer. There were so many people surrounding him every day[,] who showed love, hope and happiness[. J](, j)ust like the woman who everyday would ...

"[]Will you be my Valentine, sir?" [T](th)he shrill(,) weak voice announced.

behind him with a (hand made) card

Cheers!

Harry
55
55
Review of One and the Same  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Dan Sturn ~

This poem is well done! I enjoyed reading it. I found no mistakes needing correction. I liked the content and the repeated "one and the same". The imagery used was excellent. I have no suggestions for any improvement.

Cheers!

Harry
56
56
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Yellow ~

What is the significance of the 17 lines, and why would you include that in the title? I actually count the poem as having 15 lines = five stanzas of three lines each. The title and author's name are not usually considered in the line count.

This poem would benefit from the use of punctuation throughout, in my opinion. You might also consider maintaining one consistent verb tense throughout. At present: I’m losing you; I had lost you; & I have lost you.

In the last stanza, you can improve the rhyme thusly:

As the lonely night wind flows(,)
I can hear the train whistle('s) blow(s) >>> whistle's blows
And say goodbye to our tomorrows(.)

I do like the content of your poem.

Cheers!

Harry
57
57
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Shannon ~

What a great write! What a beautiful way to view the world and how you should approach it. This is a wonderful outlook on how to live one's life. Everyone would benefit from reading this piece and reflecting on its message. Well done!

A few suggestions to consider:

the good stuff, but(,) when you're a young mother up to her neck in barely eeking out a living(,) you don't realize these things. You're just trying to make ends meet. You're often[times] so caught up

I've learned the meaning of my life(.)[, i](I)s that better?

church for years(;)[,] yet its influence is evident.

commercials about animal cruelty(.)[....]

Well(,)[ ... ] like maybe we should be using our abilities

Well(,)[ ...] maybe if I live

Cheers!

Harry
58
58
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Kathie Stehr ~

This poem has a great sound in reading it. It is well rhymed with a 2 -4 pattern. I enjoyed the read. However, it lacked clarity in several places.

Those who survive being mules[,]
of flesh owners that call themselves men. >>>> Why mules? Slaves?

Cruel men will die horribly, her gift of sight fulfilled. >>> What does "her gift of sight fulfilled" mean?
Meaness breeds meaness.
They must pay for innocents killed. >>> Does this mean she killed her cruel master? Who are they?

tamed the wild, found spun kindness in trees. >>>>> "found spun kindness in trees' = ??
The wolves rest quiet now.
Her next child will be born free. >>>> Did she escape to the North, or is she living in hiding in the woods?

I enjoyed the poem even though I was unsure of its meaning in places. It sounds quite poetic!

Cheers!

Harry
59
59
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Cyril Sweet ~

The story was interesting and enjoyable to read. However, the good story content was hampered by all the grammatical errors.

Here are my suggestions for you to consider:

[ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

“I did it once[,](.) I’ll never do it again.” >>> Needs period (or semicolon) instead of a comma here.

A slight gust of wind lifted an oak leaf from its enfeebled mooring and settled between them on the park bench. >>> This reads as though the gust of wind settled between them. "...and settled (it) between them ... " Insert 'it' meaning the leaf.

a single woman now(,) wasn’t she?

shifted from dull brown[,] through to gold, amber and red.

Science spoils everything, she thought[,](;) knowledge takes the magic away.

... it wasn’t a prize[:](;) it was a gift from her children[;](,) a gift to their parents

No,[ ] there was no hiding that(,) and so she had to tell him.

He said he forgave her[;](,) that it was all in the past, but things

When their eyes met and they stared into each other(')s (eyes)(,) she could see

... day of their marriage(,) but to her it now felt more out of duty, a reassurance, and she felt those knotted ropes of guilt within her twist as she responded with her “I love you, too(.)”[.] = If you're American, period always goes inside closing quotation marks. British place it outside; you probably are British from spelling of color.

the way she felt anyway(.)[, a] (A)ffairs seem to be commonplace

“(Goodbye,) Derek(,)” said Linda

... her empty house(.)[, t](T)he absence of her husband was palpable(,) but she felt calm. A score had been settled(.)[, t](T)he guilt had been redressed somehow(,) and she felt those ropes start to unravel.

Cheers!

Harry
60
60
Review of I Love the Rain!  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Alexis Tigerspice ~

I enjoyed reading your poem about rain. Overall, it is a good description of rain falling.

The first half of the poem needs proper punctuation like the second half has:

Rain falls like teardrops from heaven(,)
Dotting the land with its diamond downpour(,)
The sky reaching down to join the earth(,)
The earth receiving without complaint(,)
Each one feeding off the other(,)
A natural phenomenon, an electric exchange(,)
One that can commence without precedence
And conclude within the blink of an eye.

Cheers!

Harry
61
61
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Throckmorton ~

This is well-written overall. You tell a nice story. I found it an enjoyable read that held my interest.

I have these suggestions for your consideration:

[ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

to the colors of [A](a)utumn, >>> Do not capitalize the season name.

mucking up her eye-liner[,] and while she sniffed her delicate sniffles, Dahlia felt >> delete comma

Oh(,) gawd, my Eric(.)[, ] I found him on the floor after. I couldn't save him(.)[,] I was too late!"

open and shut just yet(.)[,] [t](T)here was life insurance involved.

as easy as a snap of the fingers in the blink of an eye. >>>> Avoid cliches.

He'd loved her well(,) and she'd loved him back, but it was time

Condolences were given(;)[,] memories were shared

Cheers!

Harry
62
62
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Itchy Water ~

This is a beautifully written, highly emotional poem about the loss of a spouse. It is most touching.

Stanza two fails to maintain the abca rhyme of all the other stanzas ... 'lie' and 'stay' do not rhyme at all. This requires your attention to make the poem be improved in its rhyming.

Cheers!

Harry
63
63
Review of Glory and Honor?  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, DOC ~

This is well-written and tells an interesting tale about war in the future. I found it quite entertaining.

It has only a couple of grammatical issues to be fixed: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

Yeah, [G](g)lory like that doesn't exist anymore.

We will not be conquered(;)[,] we will not submit. We will fight until the last of us is dead, or the last of them [lay](lies) silent at our feet.

Cheers!

Harry
64
64
Review of In Elysian Fields  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Kim ~

I really enjoyed reading your poem. It flows well, making an entertaining read. Nicely written!

The only problem I had was with the punctuation: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

It was Shadowfax and Pegasus[,]

what ails you(,) lad?"

"For you well know[,] that he is bold[,]

though fleet of feet(.)[,]

is just a show(,)[.]"
Said Pegasus. " A jest.["]

to stay a while(.)[, ]

The Lady then took each in hand(.)[,]


Cheers!

Harry
65
65
Review of Christmas Eve  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Brenpoet ~

This is well-written, being nicely rhymed for the most part and with perfect meter at seven syllables per line, plus good content. Very nicely done! The picture complements the poem excellently.

My one suggestion would be to avoid the chill-chill repeat for the rhyme in stanza two.

Cheers!

Harry
66
66
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, artemis53 ~

This contains a lot of good material. However, the overblown wording takes away from the enjoyment of the read. Don't try to impress the reader with your wordings. Just tell a simple story.

My suggestions for your consideration: ( ) = insert /// [ ] = delete

in my memory(,)and I hearken back >>> insert comma

The youngest was less difficult to raise in his formative years(,) being satisfied with himself, a social butterfly

No stress could be as to his place in the world allowing him to devour information >>> awkward and confusing construction

He was a compilation of numerous complexities in the cerebral hierarchy. >>> Overblown wording! Unclear meaning.

... that I might follow when motherhood appeared to me on an afternoon following an exhausting labor. >> Simplify!

These women of the latter aforementioned joined together in coffee clatches >>> overblown wording

Make up would be applied(,) as well as suits with skirts and a well(-)placed brooch on a lapel.

outings as far as [to bring](bringing) a frog home that she'd dissected in her biology course(,) enumerating each

within a 50(-)mile radius to satisfy her brood(')s thirst

Those places of learning were the theme parks of today as far as we were concerned(,) and (we) gleefully would hop

Natural History was a favorite(,) where we, ranging in age three up to eight, would rush

If they thought the latter(,) it was never

feeling the hairpins in my unruly hair(,) I felt surely

At that time impressionist[']s and abstract artists >>> delete the '

were giants(,) and we just couldn't wrap

A swan as large or larger than I[,] took an instant dislike >>> delete this comma

at an end(,) and the ballet

in my mother(')s footsteps

world mutually hand in hand(,) and my eldest(,)whose thirst for knowledge was so great

fashions of raising children(,) with many of our concepts

teacher(,) at the same time keeping my status as an adult


You have an entertaining and interesting story. You just need to tell it in a clearer, simpler manner to improve the clarity.

Harry
67
67
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, iva*mae ~

Overall, this piece is well-written and gives helpful advice to newbies. You did a good job!

I have just a few minor items for you to consider:

or many other 'search' words(,) and you most likely will >>> Insert needed comma.

The best source of all, in my opinion, [are](is) the registered users, >>>> source (singular subject) requires is (singular verb)

including our Story Master and Story Mistress(.) *Smile* >>> Insert period.


Cheers!

Harry
68
68
Review of Vlad's Wife  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, April Desiree ~

The writing is technically sound overall. [It pulled a few strands of hair from her head(,) and she winced. >> comma needed]

However, the story was a bit confusing in places and left a lot of unanswered questions: Where was Vlad? Traveling or somewhere else within the castle?

Re "...her husband's brother riding in on his horse with his troops. Her traitorous brother-in-law had converted to Islam some time ago and joined ranks with the Sultan. Who would be giving them a warning of the sudden invasion now?" Who sent the warning with the arrow? Was her brother-in-law riding into the castle or only across the river to begin a siege? Why would he warn her if he was attacking with the enemy? Confusing.

"...the Arges River waiting to welcome her far below her bedroom." If a river ran outside the castle, wouldn't they have a moat and be able to withstand a long siege? Wouldn't this give her husband time to return and save her? It seemed she decided to kill herself rather too quickly. Perhaps she would have taken such action in desperation after a long siege and the castle finally falling, with Turks running down the hallway toward her bedroom. Most castles took months to fall to an enemy besieging it.

There weren't enough details given to make the scene clearly understandable.

Cheers!

Harry
69
69
Review of Morning Brew  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's Greetings, WhoMe??? ~

Your American Cinquain appears to be executed perfectly as to the required number of syllables per line and as to content. The illustration of a steaming cup of coffee adds to the poem's presentation. I have no suggestion to improve this poem. Nicely done!

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
70
70
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's Greetings, Shaara ~

I saw this story featured in the Romance/Love Newsletter. This is an excellent write! Overall, it is well-written and tells a most entertaining story. It held my interest to the end. Nicely, nicely done!

I found only these few minor items for you to consider:

the one with the green ribbons that jiggle like soft gelatin.(")

“Who’d remembered my twenty-first birthday?(")

“Open it,” William said.
“I don’t know who it’s from. Should I?”
He nodded. >>>> Is he nodding that you should know who it is from OR that you should open it? A tiny bit of confusion/lack of clarity.

her slinky(,) red dress

if polished by diamonds. ??? Would polishing teeth with diamonds make them shine or would it scratch teeth? Perhaps, ... her teeth, white as pearls, sparkled as if polished by diamonds. -- sparkled like polished diamonds.

What in hell’s b . . .” >> hell's b -- " // Dash to show interrupted speech. Ellipse (no space between the dots ... , space before and after) shows trailing off or omitted speech.

wide(,) staring eyes

She stared into my eyes. “I see. They departed from this world, didn’t they? How sad. Well, then, I will have to explain. [“]You may choose between gracefulness, beauty, happiness. Or if you like, something similar – charm, joy, serenity. Which do you favor, Marmalee?” >>>> No need to separate into two paragraphs.

With another quirk burst of tinkly laughter >>>> quirk ? quick

Best wishes for you to have a wonderful Christmas, Shaara!

Harry
71
71
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Doremi ~

This is a quite nice Christmas poem. The illustration enhances the presentation. The content is good. Overall, this poem is very well written. It is nicely rhymed and has good rhythm. It even has proper usage of thine/thy.

The punctuation needs a bit of work, especially in the first stanza:

Gladly I carry thee[,](;) my back is strong(.) >>>> thee; my back is strong.
Gently and tenderly(,)
Thou art so kind to me.
Poor little Mary, the road is so long(.)

I cannot help thee now(,) though I am strong.

Overall, this poem is excellently executed.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
72
72
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, ladygrace ~

This poem reads well overall; it has good content. However, it needs better punctuation to guide the proper reading.
[ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

Peep out and see[,]
the beauty a child brings(,)
A face that shines[,]
as if his whole being sings(,)
A smile that is true[,]
and eyes that are bright(,)
Bringing spark at dark[,]
and making everything light(.)
Humble he may, >>>> ?? Was something omitted? may be?
innocent yet tender(.)

A space would be appropriate between these lines since you switch from describing a child to his effect on others.

Loving a child[,]
and embracing his laughter
Mak(es)[ing] one's day[,]
bright as sunshine(,)[...]
Mak(es)[ing] one's soul[,]
pure and divine(.)...
Thank[ing] God,
for a child is a blessing
To you and
into this world we are living. >>>> ... a child is a blessing ... into this world we are living? Awkward.

Feel free to take or ignore my suggestions as you please.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
73
73
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Ken ~

Overall, this poem is a very good read and meets the required specifications well. I enjoyed the content. Nice job overall.

I do have these items for you to consider:

From stygian depths I have sealed from the light
vile thoughts find purchase in the words I write. >>>> These two lines are confusing. Either a comma or a word seems to be needed for clarity.

Enthralled by the voice until I can’t ignore
and the words fracture on a paper shore. >>>> This is confusing. It would seem to need a comma after ignore (ignore what?) with the 'and' deleted.

vile thoughts find purchase in the words I write //
and the words fracture on a paper shore. >>> These lines each has ten syllables by my count, not the required eleven. You might need to recheck the syllable counts of all the lines in the poem.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
74
74
Review of LED BY A STAR  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's Greeting, Sherri ~

Your poem has excellent content that is appropriate for the holiday season. Very nicely done!

Some items for you to consider:

Wise men, Savior, Angels, King, Queen, Heavenly, Son do not need to be capitalized as used in the poem.

The three men marched on[;](,) did not complain, >>>> comma instead of semicolon

... knew born to be King[,] >>> no comma needed here
and of the goodness

such a long way[,] >>>> no comma needed here
and would never forget

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
75
75
Review of Messy Mistakes  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Jak ~

Overall, this is well-written, even though its subject matter is a bit distasteful. Your descriptions are done well.

A few items for you to consider: ( ) = insert /// [ ] = delete

gum issued in MREs >>> Write out what MRE stands for here for your civilian readers. Use MRE from then on in the story.

Not having a flash light prohibited >>> flashlight

This is a grievous error[, i](. I)t is common knowledge that >>>> Make two separate sentences as shown (OR use a semicolon instead of a comma).

concerned with proper procedures(,) and the gentleman proceeded to

mistakes began compounding(,) and the omission

did not conclude here[,](;) it continued its exponential growth. >>>> I'm not sure one can rightly say the growth was 'exponential'. Perhaps 'continued to expand.' or something less than exponential.

Left with a pile of soiled undershirt(,) he decided

For those that are not familiar with porta-johns(,) a vacuum truck is used

accept toilet paper and the human waste(.) [a](A)ll other materials are rejected.

boldly stated who it belonged to(.)[ and] (The shirt) was promptly spotted

spilling your guts to the Executive Officer as to why your undershirt was in the porta-john >>> You switched from he and him to your. >>> his having to spill his guts ...

all the Troops. >>> troops

As is the case with all embarrassing stories(,) it spread like (wildfire) throughout the [U](u)nit.

gifts of toilet[te] paper >>> toilet

One problem perhaps: This man was an officer. I have never known an officer to have to stand watch without being free to move about to check on the enlisted men doing the actual standing watch. I have a hard time imagining an officer would not leave an enlisted man in charge long enough to use the toilet in such a case. That is certainly what I would have done!

If you were to include more of what the man must have been thinking during the episode to personalize the story more, it would make the story read less clinically and make it more humorous.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
526 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3