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76
76
Review of Why Am I?  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Liam ~

I liked the content in your poem. You address the question many seek an answer to -- what does God want from them.
Overall, your poem is well written. I did have a couple of items for you to consider:

And even though You may be near(,)
Your message isn't always clear[,](.)

Reveal the realms of truth unknown
that edifies the clay You've cloned
to heal at last this hurting heart. >>>> Tone here seems inappropriate. Are you ordering God to reveal to you? More of a polite request (Please reveal or I beseech You to reveal) would seem in order.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
77
77
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Piau ~

This may have been trying to be playful, but it missed the mark for me. The lack of punctuation hurts it, in my opinion.
Several places are overdone or confusing.

Yes I would, right at the moment
Or after it, or after that
Or after the one, which is not coming back >>>> You lost me with all the after it, after that, or after the one not coming back.

The story would be about some me’s >>>>> about some me's or simply about me (like you and them in line three)
Yes it would, 'cause it’s all that it needs
Or maybe it’s you, or maybe it’s them

Or it (the story) could sit for a while and come up with a plan >>>> A story will think up a plan?

This story would like to tell you a story >>> ??

This was a nice try that fell short of the goal for me.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
78
78
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, R.C. ~

The content is worthwhile and could be powerful. However, the delivery is so poor that it all but ruins the writing. It requires a total reworking. Examples of what I mean follow: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

Look there, into that city[, s](. S)ee the husks of metal, the ruins of stone towers. Come a little deeper with me[, s](. S)ee that place[, t](. T)hey used to worship something there. [h](H)e was called God(,) and he watched over the ones who used to live. See the decomposed benches, the bone powders[, s](. S)ome people looked for [the g](G)od even when he had abandoned them. Let(')s leave this place[, i](. I)t(')s too unhappy here.

Roaches learn how to feed here(,) and mice learn ... Let(')s move on(.)

It(')s a stroller[, i](. I)t(')s what they used to put the babies in. It(')s empty now,

The leaders were corrupted(,) and their world was slowly [dieing](dying).

What(')s that? [Your](You're) one too? [w](W)ell then(,) you(,) my friend(,) are a heartless monster. Oh(,) no, not just you. It’s all of you. Come on[, l](. L)et(')s move foreword[, w](. W)e still have so much to see.

This used to be a rain [F](f)or[r]est[, a](. A)nimals lived and died here,

Now it(')s just a desert. You just had to take everything out with you(,) didn't you? Oh well, let(')s

Now look, very closely(,)[.] across that desert, right in the middle of that big(,) sandy sea. Can you see it? [l](L)ook harder.

This planet will regrow, [W](w)ithout you pesky humans might I add, to be full again.

Maybe you can try again[, ]and repair


This piece is well worth reworking into correct punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure.


Holiday Cheer!

Harry
79
79
Review of Trumpets Sound  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Winnie ~

This poem seemed perfect to me in content and form. I have nothing to add in the way of any improvement. You did a fine job with the poem. It was a pleasure to read and admire this poem.

(It is rare that I don't find problem areas with poems I review. It is always enjoyable when I encounter a poem that needs no improvement.)

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
80
80
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop ~

This is a nice effort. It is hard to write a good mono-rhymed poem. Repeating 'snow' four times in the sixteen lines does detract from the accomplishment, however.

A few items for your consideration: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

Outside the cold gusts of north winds blow[,](.)

with a shiny glow[,]

starting out low[.](,)

My frigid toes and fingers are froze.
Get some hot cocoa with marshmallows.
>>>> The rhymes in this couplet do not work! It correctly would be toes and fingers are frozen. "marshmallows" with the 's' does not fulfill the mono-rhyme well. Both lines need reworking.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
81
81
Review of WEATHERED STONES  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Oldwarrior ~

Another excellent poem, as I have come to expect from you. The content is exceptional. Very nicely done!

I did find a few items for you to consider:

An eight-year-old vs A ten year old = be consistent

them swinging on the limb[,] of some mighty(,) ancient tree.

such a bitter(,) useless loss.

far too young for war[,](.)

In that pile of broken stone[,] lies a man of many years(.)[,]
Next to him in that tumbled pile[,] is a baby weeping tears. >>>> You are inserting unneeded commas in order to maintain a pattern. To me this is unnecessary and detracts from the reading.

seems to see[,]

Cheers!

Harry
82
82
Review of REUNION  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Loti ~

I really liked the content and the concept behind this poem. Quite nicely done!

I have these suggestions for you to consider:

Quotations should be enclosed in double quotation marks.

It stood [6](six) feet high - man(-)made.

'Where is my name(?)[',] he thought.

'There 's Hank.' >>>> remove space between there & 's.

Ted had been talking to himself recently(.)[ - ](There was) no one else to talk to actually.

chisilled in cold(,) gray stone. >>> spelling = chiseled

and the part (in)(rescuing all those people) he had played [rescuing all those people -] working hard (alongside) his friends. Tony. Hank. And these others. >>> reads better if sentence is rearranged.

Cheers!

Harry
83
83
Review of MID LIFE CRISIS  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Meg ~

I liked the playfulness of the content of your poem, although it isn't accurate. The punctuation also was problematic.

Some suggestions for you to consider:

( ) = insert /// [ ] = delete

MID(-)LIFE CRISIS , as an adjective = mid-life

all living longer(.)[,]

[a](A)nd more resilient

there is lots to do[,]

longer life's span[,](.)

it's now true[,]

Is not between ages forty and fifty(.)[,]
It too has been raised ten more years. >>> from when?
>>>>> The life expectancy is presently no more than early 80s in the best case and much less in third-world countries. Half of 82 is 41. Fifty would be mid-life for someone living to 100. So, mid-life is still very much no more than 40 t0 50. In fact, it is probably more accurately 35 to 45 for most humans.

Wait now till you're sixty for the crisis to end, >>> Not a sentence. Untrue also. Mid-life would end at sixty only if you live to be 110!

through your own mid(-)life crisis[,]

If you're still under sixty, mid life's coming again! >>>> Cute, but untrue until the life expectancy gets raised to 120, if ever.

I liked what you attempted to say here, but accuracy got in the way.

Cheers!

Harry
84
84
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Tim ~

Your poem is playful with humorous intent. It has promise. However, there are some things you should consider:

The second stanza needs rethinking:
A most brilliant serve from this island nation teen –
Wow, he’s still wondering, where has this been?
But no time to achieve a ninth double fault,
So he mustn’t be charged with aggravated assault.
>>>> The first stanza talks about being on a basketball court. Suddenly, this stanza switches to tennis. Confusing! The rhyme in lines one and two is off because 'teen' does not rhyme when spoken aloud with 'been' (sounds like 'ben'). The last two lines (3 & 4) make little sense to me. "ninth double fault' , 'mustn't be charged with aggravated assault' ?? These appear to have been written strictly for the rhyme and not meaning or clarity. This stanza needs overhauling.

.......lacking
The proper poundage he shouldn’t be packing, >>>> Perhaps this should be 'lacking ...The proper poundage he should[n’t ] be packing, 'should' instead of 'shouldn't'??

Wouldn't ninety-one beers lead to alcohol poisoning and death? And he certainly should not be driving. Make it humorous but keep it somewhat real.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
85
85
Review of PURE WATER  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Itchy Water ~

This poem did not work for me. Sorry, but it left me confused as to its meaning.

I have found no ocean or sea
That has yet demanded to adopt. >>>> What do these lines mean? adopt what?

Reservedly inhabiting within the heavens,
We must wait until our day
When we are accounted for our sins; >>>> Say what? Humans inhabit the heavens? we are accounted?

Water in its purest form
Reservedly inhabiting within the heavens >>> ??? Meaning?

'drops' and 'adopt' and also 'heavens' and 'sins' are not good rhymes.

Cheers!

Harry
86
86
Review of Love Like That  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Uzbekistan ~

This poem rambles a bit too much and lacks clear meaning in several places. Why did you double space between each line instead of having single-spaced stanzas? The poem could use a good reworking.

Points to consider:

Do you remember walking around[?]
On the (playground)
Watching the little boy alone in the sand
And we laughed at her and him >>>> her and him??? The little boy was alone! Makes no sense.

But now I want us to love like them >>>> them who?
Cause they had a love that was fearless >>>> Cause = either because OR 'cause
Their love was painless(.)
They weren’t even caring
That we were staring(.)

And there was no money in that pink purse she carried(,)
The ones with the baby on the way(,)
The ones who lie at night and pray
To the God above
Those five months of love >>> What five months?
Will be enough
To get them through times this tough(.)

But this love [it] never dies

So(,) baby(,) that’s how I want to love you(,)

Cheers!

Harry
87
87
Review of Success  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Jace ~

You did a good job in describing a scene in only 55 words. It left the reader thinking about what the father meant. One could 'see' the children playing and the girl picking dandelions. Nice imagery.

I have nothing to add for any improvement.

Cheers!

Harry
88
88
Review of Poor Poet  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Joy ~

This is a well-written and quite entertaining story. It held my interest throughout. Nice job!

I have only a few items for you to consider:

( ) = insert /// [ ] = delete

were in the kitchen(,) and Pa was dozing off

Sometimes in body(,) sometimes not.

"Come on, [G](g)irl,"

Cheers!

Harry
89
89
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, ~Turtle~

I am not quite sure what to make of this poem. I guess in the end it does ask some thought-provoking questions, although some of them are truly strange. In its favor it does make the reader think about what is time to God, although I had a hard time envisioning God eating toast, much less waiting for it. The reader will think a while about this poem, which is a good thing.

Cheers!

Harry
90
90
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Warrior Mummy ~

The story was well written overall. The content met the prompt in a subtle way. Getting old isn't fun for man or beast. LOL

I have these few suggestions for your consideration:

( ) = insert /// [ ] = delete

Taking a deep breath, she ask(ed), "Are you okay, [H](h)un? /// You had it correct later: "Well, hun, we better get you home

stay active[,] but said the dance

no one could replace you(.)[!]"


Cheers!

Harry
91
91
Review of Zen Garden  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, LegErrrr De'Maim ~

This poem reads and sounds quite poetic, making it an enjoying read. I am not certain of all its meanings, but it sets a wonderful mood, especially the last stanza:

Perfect feng shui
Timeless peace
Karma enlightened

I have no suggestion for any improvement of your excellent poem.

Cheers!

Harry
92
92
Review of Berserk  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Sinful Scribe ~

This was an entertaining read, a very nicely told tale. I'm sure many who work with the public have felt like doing this (going berserk) at one time or another. I enjoyed the twist here as well.

I have a few suggestions for your consideration:

( ) = insert /// [ ] = delete


He sniffed at the air[,] and then recoiled

Eight hours in clown makeup, wearing an iridescent suit made of heavy, plasticky material that didn’t breathe, practically causing heat exhaustion every time the temperature surpassed eighty degrees, which was often the case. >>> This is not a complete sentence.

to the employee door[,] and his freedom.

You made a big mistake(,) pal.

frightening the children(,) who watched[,] wide-eyed as the clown grabbed

the guard was an unconscious(,) bloody mess.

Cheers!

Harry
93
93
Review of Covered Trails  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, silvermoon 14 ~

This is a nice expression of love. The rhyming couplet format works well here. The poem is a good read.

You don't use proper punctuation throughout, so I would delete the dash and the ellipses.

[ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

I'm glad enough to know you're there[--]
You're there to see, to love, and care[...]

(t)[T]hat miffs your heart to bleed a song

I smile a mound for you to see[,]
[d](D)estiny says, "We're meant to be"[...]
94
94
Review of Your Today  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Cairylee ~

I like the message in this poem. The 2-4 rhyme scheme works well. Overall, this poem is well done.

Most lines have an 8 count. "With the twinkling of an eye" and "And I've found that men who fail" have only seven syllables.
You might try correcting their count to eight. In the second example: Either "Also" in place of "And" OR "I have" in place of "I've" would be an easy fix.

At present you only use punctuation as a period at the end of each stanza. I'd suggest you either use proper punctuation throughout, as illustrated below, or not use it at all (omit the periods used at present):

Learn to be content with what is(.)
Witness each day as heaven sent(,)
because your today is a gift(.)
That's why they call it the present.

You might also consider not capitalizing the first word of each line but following proper sentence structure for capitalization:

And I've found that men who fail
started playing the wisher's part
allowing chances to slip on by
while sadly missing a fresh start.

Cheers!

Harry
95
95
Review of Jesus  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Stallion ~

I have little to offer in way of any improvement of this lyrical poem. My one suggestion might be to use proper punctuation throughout since you do have some punctuation already. Otherwise, I believe it expresses your feelings quite well.

Cheers!

Harry
96
96
Review of Yesterday  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, strlcuckoo ~

The poem flows smoothly and reads well out loud. However, I had a few areas that I found worrisome:

Re: The stars of evening leave the morning sky. At dawn, the stars would be stars of the late night (not evening).

A new day has begun(.)
Yesterday (is) but a memory.
OR
A new day has begun(,)
Yesterday but a memory.

The title is "Yesterday". However, it is all about the dawn of a new day. Perhaps the title should reflect that: "Dawn" OR "A New Day Dawns".

My suggestions are for you to consider and do with as you wish.

Cheers!

Harry
97
97
Review of Onward  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Furtboy ~

This is an interesting and entertaining story. I enjoyed the read. Overall, it is quite well-written. Good job!

I do have some suggestions for improvement for you to consider: [ ] = delete // ( ) = insert

skittering by(,) and the robot whirled

spin the robot around(,) and, this time, it did

a large(,) sliding door.

switch on his console(,) and the robot played

Ever so careful(ly), the operator moved

woman's mouth(,) and the operator jumped back(wards) in his seat.

operator regained[ ] his composure and looked at his console screen[, ]but saw only >>> delete extra space, delete comma

camera(.)[, t](T)here was the sound of metal rending(,) and whatever clung

looking at him[,] in disbelief.

the man replied[,] solemnly.

“Sierra [D](d)elta.


Cheers!

Harry
98
98
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, rhmn ~

This short piece has numerous problems. It leaves the reader unsatisfied about the story told. Who turned the man into the bird, and why? Who is Thomas? What is the time and setting? The basis idea of the fantasy/story is an interesting one.

There are also many technical errors in the writing: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

morning[,] when Thomas woke up >>> delete comma

He [realized](heard) a weird bird singing. >>> Realized is awkward. Use 'heard'.

It flew again(,) but this time it landed >>> Insert comma

He stood up(,) and the bird flew >>> insert comma

Thomas followed[,] and then he stopped. >>> delete comma

The bird returned [back] to Thomas >>> delete back

reached to a cave(.)[, t](T)he bird showed >>> cave. The

The bird kept going inside the cave(,) and Thomas kept >>> insert comma

“Solve the puzzle(;) then you will be free.” >>> insert semicolon

Thomas gazed at the bird(.)[,] “No, puzzle here.” >>>> “No, puzzle here.” = confusing? Should this be "No puzzle here."
Does this mean " I don't see a puzzle."?

hard as it could(,) and it fainted.

wall [from](on) the first try. >>> on the first try.

Once the puzzle was solved(,) the cave disappeared, (and) the bird changed (into)[to] a man

“Thank you(,)” said the man gratefully(.)

“[y](Y)er welcome(.)[, d](D)o you know >>>> " Yer welcome. Do

home(.) [d](D)on’t worry[.](,)” [T](t)he man said(,) smiling. >>>>> home. Don't worry," the man

This piece requires a lot of reworking.

Cheers!

Harry
99
99
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Shannon ~

Overall, this is very well-written. It reads well and has good content. Nice job!

I have only a few suggestions for your consideration:

"The smell of coffee brewing." This is not a complete sentence like elsewhere throughout the write. Perhaps 'The smell of coffee brewing awakes me.' OR ' I awaken to the smell of coffee brewing.'

I turn to see my alarm clock (.)[- t](T)he digital numbers fluoresce >>>>. clock. The // delete dash, make into two sentnces

The time frame seems rather peculiar. She takes a bath at 3:28 in the middle of night and lies down to awaken at 6:40 AM.
She gets by on 3 hours sleep?

Cheers!

Harry
100
100
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Sum1 ~

This poem does express your happiness at finding love again. It was a bit too long and labored for me. I'm not sure you needed eight stanzas to deliver your message. In this case, "less may be more."

The poem would read better if you used proper punctuation throughout, mainly adding periods at the end of all sentences. You use commas, question marks, semi-colons, and exclamation marks, but not periods for some unknown reason.

I found love in my heart today(.)
It arrived unexpectedly, but in the usual way(.)
I’d lost the feeling of love long before
[I](i)t left that night she walked out the door(.) >>>> No capital if still in mid-sentence.

The rhyme scheme also confused me. It kept changing the rhyming pattern in an inconsistent way. This was jarring and distracting.

I liked your message here, but its delivery needs improvement.

Cheers!

Harry
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