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126
126
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Daizy ~

This is delightful fun. I enjoyed reading this well-written piece. You did a great job with this humorous piece.

I have a couple of minor items for you to consider:

We have exchanged smiles and laughs and pains(,) etc.

After all(,) I like [b](B)russel sprouts, liver,

I spread the black(,) shiny goo on top of the butter,

Cheers!

Harry
127
127
Review of The Visitor  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Marc ~

This is an excellent story that is filled with emotion and hope. The story holds the reader's attention throughout as the details reveal themselves. Very well-written piece!

I have these suggestions for you to consider: [ ] = delete // ( ) = insert

He then turned his attention to his small room, its pale white walls reaching up to a [small,] textured ceiling. There was little [in the line of] furniture in the room. >>> Delete unneeded words. If the room is small, it stands to reason the ceiling is also small. "in the line of" is excess wordage.

Her tall(,) thin frame supported little more
Her long(,) dark hair flowed
Her heavy(,) brown eyes

why there was no wedding band beside [if](it,) she left his side

"Nothing," she said, “anything." ?? Anything?? Confusing. Should this be "Not anything."?

brought to see him(.) One she had introduced


Great job overall; I much enjoyed the read.

Cheers!

Harry
128
128
Review of Before 8 November  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, tHiNg ~

I like this poem. It reads well and has good content.

A couple of items for you to consider:

You place punctuation after the first three lines in each stanza but omit it after each fourth line. Why?

Check the verb tense again. There is a mixture of past tense and present tense, especially in the second and third stanzas.

Cheers!

Harry
129
129
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, BaileyHolliday ~

You have quite a flair with words. Overall, you express yourself well. Correctly written, your words will have the power to move people. However, you need to improve your sentence construction to write in actual sentences and not fragments. Plus you need to pay more attention to grammar and punctuation.

I have these items for you to consider: [ ] = delete // ( ) = insert

Forever[::] What does this double colon signify?

The affection that radiated from your smile, the love that swam within your eyes. The way the contours of my face seemed to fit so perfectly in your hands, and the way that each time our lips brushed together, (everything) became so much more surreal and alive. How you made me feel so safe and calm, while at the same time sending electric jolts to every nerve in my body, surging throughout every millimetre that was me. >>>>> These are just phrases and not a sentence. You need to construct a complete sentence out of these. Something like this perhaps, " My mind keeps replaying these: ", as the lead-in.

My eyes(,) open and blood-shot, were no longer concerned with seeing

to keep smiling(.)[,] I knew I’d miss you

I took in my surroundings(.)[,] I was not in the same world we had been in(.)[,] I couldn’t be[, I](; i)t was too different…

placed the bouquet down[. P] ( -- p)ink carnations

along the tulips[,](;) the velvety red petals cooed

bore into the pink carnation( --- o)[. O]ne single carnation, in the centre of the bouquet(. T)[, t]hough greatly out-numbered by the tulips, [it’s](its) message spoke

Choking back a sob(,) I laid my head down

The flowers’ message scream(ed)[ing] through my head

I see that you are only 17 years old. You have great potential to become a great writer someday if you work hard to improve your talent.

Cheers!

Harry
130
130
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Aaron ~

This does leave one wondering what happened to the speaker to make him ask such questions. That much it accomplishes. Otherwise, it seems a bit of a stretch to think all people strive to be famous or special. Also, presuming to know what Rutherford wanted seems overly presumptuous. Furthermore, I don't think you can hold him responsible for his discovery being used to kill thousands. I was also confused by being able to have anything your heart desires as long as "if it exists in the animal kingdom, it’s yours." Does this mean you can only get animals? What if I wanted gold or an expensive house or an exotic plant? A lot of what you have written seems poorly thought through to me and in the need of further refinement.

You also need to pay more attention to details:

The [h](H)uman [c](C)ondition >>> Capitalize words in title

Not happy with it, so reviews an(d) opinions would be great(.)

the lowliest janitor[,] or the most powerful

captain[,] and crush all

But in other(s')[’s] quests >>> others'

of my many brainstor[r]ms on how to start this. Brief I know, but (it) gets what (I)[i] wanted done.

You have the kernel of a good story idea here. Keep trying to get there.

Cheers!

Harry
131
131
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Red Writing Hood ~

This was amusing and entertaining. It was a lot of fun!

I have these suggestions for your consideration:

one of my own(,) and in my post I added >>> Insert comma.

I slowly reached for the "enter" key. [When] I suddenly see what must be causing this strange occurrence.
OR I slowly reached for the "enter" key[. W](w)hen I suddenly see what must be causing this strange occurrence.

was the word {bitme:}.[..]

Now for my next gripe()... [T](t)ypos. >>> space before & after ellipse


Cheers!

Harry
132
132
Review of More About Me  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Sherri ~

This piece gives much insight into your personal philosophy. It is quite well-written overall.

I did have these items for your consideration:

For those of you whom have already read >>>> Shouldn't this be 'who have already read' instead of 'whom'? Whom have already read?? "you' is the object of the "of' here.

an emotional individual[,] and one who gives her heart freely >>> Delete the comma.

charitable to those in need[,] or ones that attempt to promote

best of my ability[,] and welcome both

reviewer thinks[,] but what is felt

of my reviewers[,](;) therefore I respond >>>> semicolon here

Sherri, I am proud to count myself as one of your many WDC friends!

Cheers!

Harry
133
133
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Tim ~

Overall, the end-rhyming couplet lines work well, but then why these lines:

Now, hard-nosed, I make a push(.)
Making that deadline would save my bottom. >>>> Why break the pattern?

Take heart and be clever[,](;) it’s the work that you do;

This flows well, but it might benefit from a break midway through.

Cheers!

Harry
134
134
Review of The Brave  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Kings ~

The content here is great, a nice tribute to those who serve our country.

The poem could be cleaned up some: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

Stand tall(,) friend(,) you are doing your best[.](,)

... keep our freedom free[.]

You've served your best(;) it's (another(')s) time. >>> another's time

bravery in distant lands[.](,)

... your country's needs[.](,)
... your patriotic deeds[.](,)

Our troops who serve(,) some lives are lost.

protect others(') rights and freedom(.)

Some of the rhymes could be improved: free / overseas & lands / sand are weak, while freedom / help is a complete no-go.

With a bit of reworking, this poem will be quite nice.

Cheers!

Harry
135
135
Review of Faerie Magic  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, I'm Josette's Mommy ~

Your poem is a bit of whimsy. As such it is an enjoyable read.

Two suggestions for you to consider:

This is the sign of death(,)[.] >>> Insert comma here instead of period.

Look for a four-leaf clover[.] >>> Delete period.

Cheers!

Harry
136
136
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, David ~

I enjoyed reading your story. It was well told and interesting. The ending was poignant.

I have a few suggestions for your consideration:

high pitched sirens drawing near and faded out of earshot. >>>> This sounds wrong. Perhaps 'sirens drew near' OR 'grew louder and then faded out ...'

It was him. >> he

illuminating a world [of a world] of rubble


Cheers!

Harry
137
137
Review of Forgiveness  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Jezri ~

This poem has wonderful content. I enjoyed reading it. I do have some suggestions for your consideration:

I've hid it away >>> Should be hidden.

wherever I go[,](.) >>> Period instead of comma here.

its['] burden >>>> its

still vividly felt[,]

felt/help is not a good rhyme

for surely He’ll care[,](.)

I pour out my grief, my anguish and pain[,](;)
Then through my tears, His answer came. >>>> Verb tense switches from present to past! pour/came

He whispered to me[,](.) >>> Past tense again.

But how do I forgive[,] when my heart won't let go[,]
Of the sadness and anger[,] so long ago sown?
>>>> go & sown don't rhyme

My soul is in shreds[,](;) my heart’s been ripped out[,](.)
Can’t anyone help, my spirit still shouts.
>>>>> out and shouts isn't a good rhyme. Maybe change to: my spirit does shout.

from outside and in[,](.)
Forgiveness my child, just let it all go[,](.)

to forgive[,](;) I cry out in pain(.)[,]

tearing me apart(,)[.]

you are weak(.)

sins/dims is not a good rhyme.


Cheers!

Harry
138
138
Review of Deep Well  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, WhoMe ~

I like this poem very much. It sounds so poetic when read. It is quite lovely.

I have only a few suggestions for your consideration:

The sun does shine
On the forest surrounding
(the) Well of life >>> Would this read better with 'the' inserted here?

To find the water
Stagnant and treading >>>> Can water itself be treading? One treads water.

I purely love the last stanza!

Cheers!

Harry
139
139
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, SoCalScribe ~

Overall, this story is well-written. It set the stage well and met the prompt well. I did have some suggestion for improvement for you to consider:

[ ] = delete // ( ) = insert

[I suppose i](I)t was nice[, in a way,] to know that so many people felt I was worth a few bucks and a sentiment on my birthday[;](,) especially after losing the house, my family, and all of my belongings in the hurricane. "I suppose", "in a way" >>> How ungrateful sounding!

nearly as colorful as the flowers, [or] as sleek and convenient as the gift cards, or as appetizing as the baskets

a mystery about it(,)[;] an intrigue that >>> comma, not semicolon

in no time[,] and opened the

left me the package[;] but I wasn't

I couldn't think of a more generous, valuable gift for my birthday. Sure, it may not be as delicious as those food baskets, as grand as the flowers, or as functional as the gift cards, >>>> Say what? The gift of a house far overwhelms such trivial gifts. To even compare them as here is foolishness.

Inconsistency in plot: "after losing ... my family," confusing with the later "All of my ... family were there, " Usually losing a family member means they are dead or at least in parts unknown.
Cheers!

Harry
140
140
Review of On The Clock  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Sophy ~

You give quite sound advice on time management in this piece. It is well done and nicely thought out.
It should make all readers stop and ponder how they use their time.

I do have some suggestions for fine-tuning the writing for you to consider:

for a long-saved-for ten(-)year anniversary trip.

In fact, once we arrived in Maui(,) I knew the time would fly by,

whether or not it seems to be ticking by slowly or at the speed of light(,)[~] the moment a second passes

[Now] I may differ with some folks

[And m](M)any of us waste [that] time

may not even happen(,)[ ~] then we miss out

[And] I'd suspect we know that

... it's equally foolish to pay no attention to lessons from the past[,] or (not) be attentive to the requirements and realities of the future.
>>>> Did you really mean to say "..it's foolish to be attentive to the requirements and realities of the future."? It's foolish not to be attentive.

[And i](I)t's silly not to pay attention to

viable after we stop working(.)[ ~ b](B)oth help us

when I was, say, 21[,](;) so what's the point

my 21(-)year(-)old self(.)[~] I am the sum

[And i](I)f I let myself get stuck living in my regrets about my 21(-)year(-)old self, it robs my 41(-)year(-)old self

That can happen by pinching every penny now so that not one red cent is spent on pleasure or anything extra, and all of it (What is 'it' here?) is saved for the future

opportunities of our past[,] and/or in the hopes,

Thus(,) we need

... we have the choice between either making time our ally or our enemy, of whether or not to benefit from lessons learned, or to allow ourselves to be bound to mistakes ...
>>> In this series you place a comma before the 'or'. However, in other series, such as "... caught up in the regrets, guilt and missed opportunities..." you omitted the comma before the 'and'. Be consistent!

Cheers!

Harry
141
141
Review of The Painting  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, 4provinces ~

This is a nicely written story that was an entertaining read. It met all the required prompts well enough.
Good job!

I have a few suggestions for you to consider: [ ] = delete /// ( ) = insert

emotions of days long past[,] flooded through me

back to the [S](s)outh of France in the late 1800's, back to a windy [S](s)pring day

hold my head up(,) and that's what I did.

All that remains for all time[,] is a shattered shell

That painting [that] calls to me even today,

Cheers!

Harry
142
142
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Old Girl *Smile* ~

Glad to read your work again! This story met all the prompts extremely well, while telling a good and interesting story. Nicely done!

I had a few ideas for you to consider the merit thereof:

I was walking in the mists down by the river & that Easter Sunday when I walked in the mists. >>>> Should this be 'mist' or 'mists'? Is there more than one mist? Would this be fog or fogs, by comparison?

It was rain sparkle...like those little drops that cling on your window after the sun comes out[,] and they glisten with miniature rainbows inside. >>>> Comma not needed here: like a & b
Better: like those little drops that cling on your window and glisten with miniature rainbows inside after the sun comes out.

John’s hand reached out and touched my sleeve(.)[:] I stopped and looked into his eyes.

not thinking marriage[,] but divorce.

Cheers!

Harry
143
143
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Webwitch ~

Hmmm, the meaning of the title eludes me. Hunt Ed ? The major impression I am left with after reading this poem is too many exclamation marks were used. In fact, I had major issues with the punctuation in general:

I fear it can't(,)[--]shall not[!](.)
... hours;
Yet I barely escape the hairy tease[!](.)

I hide[,](;) it seeks. I glide(;)[--]it streaks(.)[!]

... thing you want to see nude(.)[!]

... flesh;
My bone--YES! and thinning hair! >>>> This is not a sentence. Two more exclamation marks .

I cringe and shake at the very thought(.) This stanza also has an additional line compared with all other stanzas.

At last I feel that I am safe(.)
The woods seem such a maize(,) >>>> Extra space between seem & such. "maize" is another name for corn. You probably mean "maze" here.
But I hear the footsteps in the distance(.)
I regret ever meeting its gaze[!](.) >>>> 'its' here would seem to refer to the woods.

Closer, the beast is on my trail(.)
There is no place to hide(.)
Oh(,) why did they ever convince me
To make this beast my bride?[!! *Shock*]

Was there some prompt in this round of the contest this was written for? Maybe to overuse exclamation marks, not use periods, etc? At face value this poem needs its punctuation overhauled!

I did see the humor in the content. Maybe I simply missed what you were going for in this piece?

Cheers!

Harry
144
144
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's greetings, Bonnie ~

Bonnie, you have a good story here. It would be an enjoyable read were it not so full of errors. It truly needs major reworking to come into its own.

My suggestions for your consideration: [ ] = delete // ( ) = insert

Why is dialogue enclosed in single quotation marks instead of double quotation marks per the normal usage?

in five years(,)[;] long-difficult years >>>> comma instead of semicolon here

Chicago this time(,) and they finally had

Although [he](Brad) was dubious, he felt [a] proud she was

the cloak and mask[,] and grabbed the candy

Marnie smiled as she heard the children scream then giggle she went over and stood behind Brad at the door, she was glad her new therapist had suggested she celebrate Halloween, she was enjoying seeing all the little ghouls, ghosts and witches. >>>> This is a run-on mess!
Marnie smiled as she heard the children scream, then giggle. She went over and stood behind Brad at the door. She was glad her new therapist had suggested she celebrate Halloween. She was enjoying seeing all the little ghouls, ghosts, and witches.

Brad closed the door(.) [h](H)e turned to his wife(.)[, h](H)e saw her face and stopped.

neck stand up[,](;) he moved forward, instinctiv(e)ly to

`Call Detective Shapiro(.)’ [s](S)he screamed the words

read, “Mom Finds Abducted Son After Five Years!(")


Holiday Cheer!

Harry
145
145
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's greetings, J. A. Buxton ~

I found this to be extremely well-written. It held my interest throughout and left me wanting more. The descriptions were excellent. This is a nice excerpt from your book.

I had a few suggestions, most minor, for your consideration:

joined in [on] the fun. >>>> joined in the fun.

the mansion[,] but stopped

a few hours[’](of) sleep

underneath a highway[’s] overpass,

She notified Robyn De Sousa, the mansion’s recruiter she knew was in the vicinity. >>>> Confusing sentence. Consider rewording for improved clarity.

coming their way, and looked up at Walker >>>> Either delete the comma here or add 'they' looked

brought up the rear(,) while Eric drove [off in] the limousine to park it

hand to touch the item[,] and paused only inches

This is good writing!

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
146
146
Review of Winter Solstice  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's greetings, arakun ~

Your poem is short and sweet. Concise and clear. Neatly rhymed. Nicely done.

After the longest, darkest night(,) >>> insert comma


Holiday Cheer!

Harry
147
147
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's greetings, Webwitch ~

I enjoyed the read and liked the content of your poem. My main issue with this piece was its punctuation.

My suggestions for your consideration:

... a path to follow(,)

this fate(,)[;] perhaps destiny.

...that road(,)[;] promising at first glance(.)[;] >>> You overuse semicolons.

Soon after, (I) discovered it was bleak

enraptured their heart[,]

protective cloud[]? >>> Delete unneeded space

Those disquieting thoughts plagued my mind.
I saw the years of my youth slip away, without concern(.)[;]
>>>>> Perhaps put a break between these two lines to give the reader a pause in the read. There is a natural break here.

surrounded my heart[,] corroded.

paralyzed in thought(,)[;]


Holiday Cheer!

Harry
148
148
Review of Still Loving You  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's Greetings, jaya ~

This is a heartfelt tribute to your motherland. Your genuine love for your country shines through. This works for me the way it is written. My only comment is that the reader is never told what your homeland that you love so dearly is. You might want to add the country as the last line.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
149
149
Review of Imperfection  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's Greetings, soledad_moon ~

The letter writer shows a lot of maturity in what she expects from her boyfriend. It is sage advice. This is a nicely written piece.

Several places the writer says "Well, I guess at my age, it is." and "Perhaps at my age." It would help if the reader knew what is her age ... 13 or 19?

Truthfully ,I've realized that >>> delete space after Truthfully,

that.Hmmm >>> Insert space that. Hmmm

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
150
150
Review of Tennis  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Season's Greetings, Robin ~

It is a shame you no longer can play tennis, a sport that you love. However, you seem to have made peace with that fact.

Your acrostic poem is nicely done. I do have a couple of suggestions for you to consider:

Never again can I play
Never again will I serve >>> If you can't play (line above), then obviously you will not serve (or volley or hit ground strokes or lobs, etc). Maybe change this to 'Never again will I compete' OR change it to something totally different.

Instead, I am a spectator >>>> Maybe 'remain' instead of 'am'? Seems stronger to me.

Holiday Cheer!

Harry
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