🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

176

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14 days may be credited.

#4323761

Review of The Presidential Press Briefing

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Christopher Roy Denton

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm back again

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Presidential Press Briefing"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:

Brilliant. I did see the end coming in broad brush strokes but the twist at the climax was brilliantly handled. What a fun read! I think 18+ is way overkill (no pun intended) but I can certainly understand why you're gun shy (again - no pun intended

).

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to creating and portraying Chris as a memorable character was perfect. He was a whole person and I could see him clearly. Given the prompt - a situation where he or she is trying to make a good impression - was handled deftly. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - The title was obvious

and the tagline amplified and set up the story. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw no major errors. As always, your craftsmanship shines in the details of the story. A few nitpicks: you wrote, "...with her short hair died blue." Should by dyed

. Later, you wrote, "Almighty God that I knowexactly ..." You need a space. "... he ducked low to avoid any more." Anymore is one word

. "and from the screams of the marines" Jody would be proud of me. You need a comma (,) after Marines.

Form/Flow - Loved the setup! Of course, you had me curious as to why Chris would get such an invitation which you masterfully answered in the final sentences

. I loved all the detail you included which showed his paranoia and the setup for the finale with the aside to Angela. Your character of President Moore was hilarious and I loved the interplay with Chris.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A totally delightful read. Fun, action-packed, and hilarious in the end. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

177

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14 days may be credited.

#4320844

Review of Fruits of Insanity

for entry "singularity"

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Rhyssa

Just a quickie

I love the idea of this story ... Singularity - that moment when machines become self-aware and sentient. It's a great theme and you did it justice.

My only question in the story - are you aware that THERE IS NO APRIL 31st? I think that may have been a trick by Arakun to see if anyone was paying attention

Nicely done!

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

178

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14 days may be credited.

#4319759

Review of Trees Scream

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Kaya

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Trees Scream"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
An up close and personal look at deforestation. Forests cover 31% of the land area on our planet. They produce vital oxygen and provide homes for people and wildlife. Some 46-58 thousand square miles of forest are lost each year—equivalent to 48 football fields every minute.

Creativity/Impact:
I think you used this poem to create an insightful commentary on our world. Deforestation comes in many forms, including fires, clear-cutting for agriculture, ranching and development, unsustainable logging for timber, and degradation due to climate change.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

You've captured the terrible loss our planet is suffering. Forests play a critical role in mitigating climate change because they act as a carbon sink—soaking up carbon dioxide that would otherwise be free in the atmosphere and contribute to ongoing changes in climate patterns.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: I think your title is sure to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, very informative.

Grammar/Wording: Very well chosen words bring us into the moment ... from the peaceful growth of the forest to the invasion and death of our woodlands.

Form/Flow: ou wrote this in Quatrains using an abcb rhyme. Read aloud, this flowed very well.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable if frightening read even if the subject was the destruction of our forests and what we're doing to the world. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

179

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14 days may be credited.

#4319719

Review of Saving The Earth

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi jaya

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Saving The Earth"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This was a personal account of one action in one place. It is duplicated many times over all around the world and the impact is beyond our comprehension. Thank you for sharing this story.

Creativity/Impact:
A personal and unique approach to Earth Day. Well done.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, you've taken us on a close up view of a general condition. "Progress" is seen as a good thing but progress without conscience only dooms our future.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the writer.

Title: This was a big title

. It definitely would catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I think you used this effectively to limit "saving the earth" to what one person could do.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is excellent, bringing us into the moment and allowing us to share your experience. No issues noted.

Form/Flow: Written as an essay, I thought you laid out your argument logically and in a manner that the average reader could understand. The actions you advocate are simple and, taken by many, can have a huge impact on the world.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable and insightful read even if the subject showed our own indifference to what we're doing to the world. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

180

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14 days may be credited.

#4319698

Review of Acts of Green

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

It's me, Ken, and at last the shoe is on the other foot

. I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Acts of Green"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
A nice Acrostic. My only issue is that you never define what "An Act of Green" is. I know, it should be obvious and for those who are sensitive to the issue of climate change, it is but for others ...? You did include a link but way at the bottom. Maybe consider using {x-link} for the word in the body of the poem.

Creativity/Impact:
You listed this as "Experimental" and, to me, this was an Acrostic. I did not the subtle rhyme in verse one which I really liked. Regardless, I thought this was well done.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, I think the message of restoring our Earth after the damage we've done is clear.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: "Acts of Green" I immediately identified what this was about and it definitely caught my interest. It will surely catch the attention of other readers who share a like mind. The "teaser" line (or description *Smile*) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I think yours added interest. Well done.

Grammar/Wording: The words you chose were illustrative in nature and really called concrete images to mind. You used words that brought movement and stimulated more than visual but also added a movement to your poem. One consideration: the final line, "Now can have an affect the lives the next generation. seems to be missing a word. "... have an effect on the lives ..."

Form/Flow: Written primarily as an Acrostic, I loved that you held complete thoughts within each line. Often, writers will shy away from that thinking the lines are too long. Excellent message and form.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable and fulfilling read even if the subject was our own indifference to what we're doing to the world. Your recognition that we can and must act is a call to arms for our planet and I found myself in total agreement. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

181

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14 days may be credited.

#4319690

Review of Rocking It Old Skool

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

Guess who?

I'm pleased to read and comment on your page "Rocking it Old Skool" (I can't figure out if there's an item number or not

) on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I know, I know. You said nature or environmentally oriented but opening up a discussion about the ills of the world directly addresses the issues we face. Politics is a major impediment to unifying behind a solution and that's addressed here. One person was complaining about the price of fuel - isn't that a microcosm of our problems? We want cheap energy but moving to alternatives will raise the cost in the short term. Too many understand the problem but will vote their pocketbooks in the short term and willingly push the problem down the road for their own gain.

Creativity/Impact:
Encouraging discussion and understanding the issues at the root level is crucial to finding a solution. Creating this forum is a step in the right direction. Very creative.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

In your own words, "Here's your opportunity to voice your thoughts and opinions." An open forum is an open mind.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: I thought you named this well, if not just a bit ambiguous

. My biggest issue is that it lies "off site" on your own page and I'll be is overlooked a lot regardless of title.

Grammar/Wording: Nothing to note

Form/Flow: Large easy to read font, a garish orange background, a wickedly cool monkey, and a clear invitation. What's to comment on?

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An eye opening read, to be sure. There has to be a way to make this more accessible from your port to encourage the exchange of ideas and to test the temperature of the masses. Just something to think about

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

182

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#4319473

Review of Coming of a Flower

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Danial Lucas

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Coming of a Flower"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
A bit uneven but I like the images you've conjured up with your words.

Creativity/Impact:
I like the repetitive line. It really underscores the image and focuses your words. Unfortunately, it also ties your hands in making the line to line transitions go easy. Overall, nicely done.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced since this is an Earth Day review activity LOL. You've used connotation nicely to show spring's arrival by capturing the growth of a flower.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: It caught my attention and will surely catch the attention of other readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I'm not sure "Nature at its finest" captures or promotes the content of the poem but it does add interest.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is chosen to bring the image of the flower to light in various stages of its life. I had trouble understanding "Purple's golden ... hue." Is Purple a kind of flower and, if so, why is a Purple golden?

I could almost imagine an Iris that has both colors but if that's it, why not call it an Iris.

Form/Flow: You wrote this in Quatrains using an abab rhyme. Your rhymes were strong. I felt you sacrificed clarity a bit to maintain a consistent meter as in your closing verse:
soon the fall will bring no more
the coming of a flower
Will bring no more ... what? You imply flowers from the final line but "the coming of a flower" really makes it difficult to see that. Rather than sticking to a repetitive line just repeat "flower." Then you can tailor the final line to "awakening of flowers."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read even if I struggled with some of your images. The beauty of nature and the triumph of the flower were well captured in your poem. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

183

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14 days may be credited.

#4319463

Review of " Reflections "

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi T.L.Finch

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "" Reflections ""

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
A peaceful capture of nature and it's many facets.

Creativity/Impact:
I think you used this poem to create and express your revelations about nature. It is, in its own way, a miracle and you've captured that feeling.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced since this is an Earth Day activity LOL. The message is for each of us to take time and enjoy the beauty that's around us.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: "Reflections." I liked the double meaning of your title. It caught my attention and will surely catch the attention of other readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I think yours, while brief, captured the meaning in your poem.

Grammar/Wording: The words you chose were illustrative of the images you created in your poem. You used words that brought movement and stimulated more than visual but also added a tactile dimension to your poem.

Form/Flow: You wrote this in Quatrains using an abcb rhyme. The alternating line meter worked well to keep this moving. Read aloud, this flowed very well.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable, relaxing read that took me into the moment. Your recognition of the moment and capture of it was excellent. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

184

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14 days may be credited.

#4319453

Review of Little Brook

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Espero

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Little Brook"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a cute poem about the life cycle of a brook, through river, lake and sea.

Creativity/Impact:
I think you used the Quadrilew to create a set of pleasant images that take the reader downstream

. Very creative.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced since this is an Earth Day activity LOL. Seriously, you've captured the journey of water. I wish you had gone further. There's more to be said.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: Descriptive. It caught my attention and will surely catch the attention of other readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Good for poetry lovers who enjoy invented forms, not very informative for casual readers.

Grammar/Wording: You've chosen words that reflect images of the water moving and changing. You imply a vibrant, moving world which adds to the fun of this.

Form/Flow: The Quadrilew is a form of quatrain poem with an abab rhyming scheme, repeating lines, and contains an alternating syllable structure. You did this well although the use of colors to highlight the repeating lines is distracting. The goal is to make them invisible to the reader so they blend into the poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read although I felt it lacked a message other than "water runs downhill." I didn't get a sense that you found anything enlightening or amazing. It just was. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

185

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14 days may be credited.

#4319366

Review of SPRING is on!

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Maria Mize

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "SPRING is on!"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a celebration of spring and a testament to your love of the season

Creativity/Impact:
This is a very original take on an Acrostic. I've never seen one done this way but, having seen and read it, wow! Very creative and effective!

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced since this is an Earth Day activity LOL. Seriously, this is about the beauty that nature offers as spring transforms the land.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: Straight forward. It caught my attention and will surely catch the attention of other readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, creative and informative.

Grammar/Wording: You've chosen words that reflect your own joy in the coming of spring and imply a vibrant, moving world. A few of the words, however, seemed a bit off. "Nigh drawing" which I read as "Nearly coming" seemed in conflict with lively dance. The same with "Quickening gradual" which are themselves in conflict. I also noticed "blooms peak" and I think you meant "peek". These were just my thoughts and reactions.

Form/Flow: I've already applauded you creativity for this. I think you've derived a very interesting take on the Acrostic form.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable and lively read. The rebirth of the Earth during spring has to be one of the most beautiful times of the year. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy it with you as well as sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

186

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14 days may be credited.

#4319357

Review of Sweet Breath of Gaia

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi turtlemoon-dohi

It's just me, Ken and yes, I'm coming to bug you again ... but not too much

I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Sweet Breath of Gaia "

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a wonderful essay on saving our planet. Your opening proverb, "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors. We borrow it from our children" set the tone and you made a wonderful case for why we should care. I noticed you listed this as a "Draft" so I'll be gentle

.

Creativity/Impact:
I think you tend to hide your own wisdom at times behind quotations. You are a wonderful writer and while I appreciate reading the wisdom of others, it's your wisdom that shines here.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, you've captured the malaise that we seem to have about the damage we do in the name of progress particularly in the realm of energy. If we can't breathe, can't drink the water, and can't find food to eat, does it really matter if the lights are on?

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the writer.

Title: I thought "Honor Earth" was a perfect title to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Not very creative but informative.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out and you make a persuasive argument for moving beyond the petrochemicals of today to embrace renewable energy.

Form/Flow: Written in an essay format, you layout the problem and then provide your thoughts/arguments for a solution. It read well and I personally couldn't agree with you more..

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read even if the subject was our own indifference to what we're doing to the world. I question whether or not we really are "an intelligent society" when so many blindly follow the false prophets that are our "leaders." Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

187

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14 days may be credited.

#4319148

Review of Wisp

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi w0lfbane

My name is Ken and I'm it is my pleasure to read and comment on your work "Wisp"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
It's the little miracles of nature that we find both intriguing and fascinating.

Creativity/Impact:
Not an overt statement on conservation or the plight of nature, it nonetheless captures a spirit and feeling of awe. Nicely done.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, you've captured the wonder of nature with this simple tale of how nature nurtures us.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: I thought this was a creative title; certainly is will catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, very creative and informative.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is well measured and reinforces your message. I thought you captured the feeling of wonder well in this and the images are clear.

Form/Flow: You wrote this in a joined couplet rhyme with a hanging final line for emphasis. Your meter is problematic but didn't impede the nice rhythmic feel of the poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable, wonder filled read. Your recognition of the magical moments of nature and your appreciation (and patience

) are clear in your words. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

188

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14 days may be credited.

#4318620

Review of On the Farm Winter becomes Spring

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

It's just me, Ken, returning the favor the many reviews you've given me. I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "On the Farm Winter becomes Spring"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
A new form!

As you well know, I love structured poetry - yes, even those that don't rhyme

. This was a beautiful capture of the season's transition.

Creativity/Impact:
The Vahid form is very interesting and your explanation adds layers of creativity to how it's composed and how it comes together. Very creative.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, you've captured the dance of nature as it moves from winter to spring.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: Clear and informative. I thought it would catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I didn't think it was too creative but given the challenges of the form, it was informative.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought, as it must be given the form, and reinforces your message. I noticed that you didn't choose to use punctuation which made me stop, now and then, to understand what you were saying. This was most obvious in:
roosters crow
waking farmers
reminding them
I wondered, what do the waking farmers have to remind the roosters about?

You know what you meant but the reader may not have the same image. Just a thought.

Form/Flow: The Vahid is an interesting form and I can see parallels in haiku and tanka forms. I found it very interesting and I enjoyed both the explanation and the introduction to something new.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable and enlightening read. Your love of nature and the beauty of spring is evident. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

189

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4318589

Review of An almost perfect race

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi hiwakura

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "An almost perfect race"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I note this was written a while ago but I think the sentiments, the concerns, the actions you advocate are as pertinent today as then.

Creativity/Impact:
These are your feelings, shared - how much more creativity can one ask for?

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, your central theme is that we're destroying our world and need to stop ... to take action.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: I found the title a bit confusing. "an almost perfect race" Race typically doesn't resonate as "human," more often calling up images of ethnicity. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I thought you used it well and found it informative.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out and reinforces your message. Utilizing the alternative meanings of "watch" was clever and opened this up since the ghazal typically uses a recurring phrase or word. Your approach added depth.

Form/Flow: Free verse is not poetry without form or rules. It is not written as an essay or story and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break. Proper use of the tools of poetry helps to mold a piece to its final state. I found poetry in this but question why all the line breaks? To what purpose do they serve except perhaps in the refrain lines.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read and an important message. Your warning of what the future holds comes through clearly and I found myself in total agreement. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

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#4318581

Review of mother nature

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi lottie

My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "mother nature "

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I loved the tenor, the feel, but felt this was a bit disorganized as if you were writing in free association rather than having a specific purpose in mind.

Creativity/Impact:
These are your feelings, shared - how much more creativity can one ask for?

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, I saw this as wanting to be closer to or a part of nature and to learn the lessons that earth has to teach.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: Straight forward. I'm not sure you ever made the connection between "Mother Nature" and "Gaia" (the earth). The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, it seemed slightly off from the message within your poem.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is not overly dramatic and seemed well thought out to reinforce your message. No spelling or other issues noted. A nice clean write.

Form/Flow: I would categorize this a primarily free verse. Yes, you had rhymes interspersed. Free verse is not poetry without form or rules. It is not written as an essay or story and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break. It may contain rhyme or not. Proper use of the tools of poetry helps to mold a piece to its final state. Simply story telling, then adding line breaks does not constitute a poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read even if it needed a bit more focus. Ask yourself, "Why did I write this?" Your answer will help you craft your poem in a more purposeful way. Recognizing the earth as mother to us all and capable of teaching us important lessons in life is commendable. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

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#4318436

Review of a day in the rain

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Rhyssa

It's just me, Ken

, and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "a day in the rain"

on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Becoming one with nature. Certainly not a new concept but I love simple elegance of this.

Creativity/Impact:
You do have a way of creating an image with your words

. There's a wonderful feel of losing yourself in the moment with this. Excellent work.

Message/Theme:

Uhhh, Earth Day?

Seriously, you've captured the renewal of life through nature and brought us into the moment with you.

Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.

Title: Straight forward. I thought it could have been a little more creative, to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, not very creative but informative.

Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out to elicit and reinforce your message. Word choice is critical in the construct of images and you did a skillful job in creating this.

Form/Flow: Okay - You already know I'm not a fan of free verse because so many do it poorly, never having taken the time to understand what free verse is. I found this flowed well to the point that I could immerse myself in the words. Although purists will disagree, I subscribe to the definition that "Free Verse is a form of Poetry composed of either rhymed or unrhymed lines that have no set fixed metrical pattern but rely on traditional poetry elements." I saw and felt the poetry in your images and lines.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable, calming read that drew wonderful images in my mind. It was a simple appreciation of nature that speaks volumes about our connections to life. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017,

Ken

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#4317435

Review of More Fool You

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS!

It's just me, Ken. Yeah, the hugger.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "More Fool You"

as a member of the "Dear Me" reviewing team and in association with "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I know this is late but, as they say, better late than never. Due to a mix up, some members never received the feedback they deserved. I hope you find this helpful and worthy of the wait.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm not sure of the protocol - should I just refer to you as "Queen?"

Yes, I'm just teasing with you. I think most readers will absolutely love the self deprecating humor you've woven into this. How often we make plans and then life makes a left turn and leaves us hanging. Your optimism and dreams - big dreams - are infectious.

Creativity/Impact:
This was a fun read and I thought you did really well in working with yourself. You make a good team.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Grammar/Wording - I thought you did a terrific job in writing this. No errors (well, I do suffer from poor “Comma Sense" LOL so take my comments with a grain of salt) were noted. Just a really coherent and fun approach.

Compelling/Persuasive dialogue - You laid out your goal and added your motivation. As I read through this, you had me rooting for you. Yes, you can do it!

Realistic Goals - I think your goal(s) are very achievable and I look forward so seeing your success in 2017! Be sure to let us know when its published!

Effective communication - I think your wording and realism supports clear understanding for yourself and the reader.

Presentation - Your "Dear Me" is very entertaining, filled with the pathos of every day life and the joy in which you accept, adjust, and move on. Thank you for increasing the font size by adding {size:4} at the top. It opens the page up and make for easier reading - especially for geezers like me.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very fun and entertaining read, your Majesty

. Thank you for sharing your journey of determination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! On behalf of the "Dear Me" team, I wish you all the best realizing your 2017 goals,

Ken

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#4317309

Review of Dear Me

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi kerrimiller

It's just me, Ken. Yeah, you're wondering "Why the heck is he here?"

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Dear Me"

as a member of the "Dear Me" reviewing team and in association with "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I know this is late but, as they say, better late than never. Due to a mix up, some members never received the feedback they deserved. I hope you find this helpful and worthy of the wait.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Do you talk to yourself often?

Yes, I'm just teasing with you. I think for a "rush job" by a "procrastinator" you did excellent in defining what you plan to do this year.

Creativity/Impact:
This was both a fun and interesting read and I thought you did really well in working with yourself - in spite of your need to reassure yourself that you have nothing to fear. I'd say, overall, it was a good team effort.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing major except your first two paragraphs were devoted to telling us how you don't have much time.

Could have saved a bit condensing them

. Overall, his was an excellent, clean write. I guess you're listening at The Grammar Garden class.

Compelling/Persuasive dialogue - This was a letter so you didn't use internal dialogue but it was obvious that you were having a conversation with "Kerri." It's always good to be on a first name basis with yourself. LOL I think you did an excellent job of selling your plans to yourself.

Realistic Goals - Many who write these set themselves up to fail by trying to bite off too much. I think your goals are very achievable and I look forward to seeing your success in 2017!

Effective communication - I think your wording and the overall approach you took supports clear understanding of what you hope to achieve and to the reader.

Presentation - Your "Dear Me," after a bit of a slow start, is entertaining, coherent and well organized and will resonate with many readers. Just as a thought, try increasing the font size by adding {size:4} at the top. It will open the page up and make for easier reading - especially for us geezers

. I add this into all my reviews 'cause I'm on a crusade

.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very straight forward and - yes, even endearing - read. Write this and tape it to your mirror: "Your achievements always matter, because your hard work always brings accomplishment in some way."

Thank you for sharing your journey of determination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! On behalf of the "Dear Me" team, I wish you all the best realizing your 2017 goals,

Ken

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#4317304

Review of Dear Me, 2017

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Jay O'Toole

It's just me, Ken. Yeah, you've probably seen me lurking around the site.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Dear Me, 2017"

as a member of the "Dear Me" reviewing team and in association with "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I know this is late but, as they say, better late than never. Due to a mix up, some members never received the feedback they deserved. I hope you find this helpful and worthy of the wait.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow. Brain dump

I'll admit, after reading a lot of these, you took it to heart and touched on just about everything ... in detail.

Creativity/Impact:
This was a fun and somewhat confusing read because of the scope but I thought you did really well in working with yourself. A good team effort.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Grammar/Wording - This was an excellent, generally clean write. A few little minuscule considerations -
~ Now, I'm not a graduate of "Comma Sense" but I saw several instances where I thought you overused commas. For example, in the third paragraph you wrote "...your writing, immeasurably." Now, you can use commas to offset appositives from the rest of the sentence but "immeasurably" doesn't fit that category. In paragraph 7 you wrote "the notable poet, that you " Again, not needed. It breaks the flow of the paragraph.
~ Punctuation. In paragraph 5 you wrote "...how do you think we should proceed." It's a question and needs a question mark.
~ Really?

You're going to quote Larry the Cable Guy? "Let's get 'er done!"

. Okay, I'm just having fun with this one.

Compelling/Persuasive dialogue - This was a letter so you didn't use internal dialogue but it was obvious that you were having a conversation with "Well,...uh,...Jay!". I think what you did was effective.

Realistic Goals - Many who write these set themselves up to fail by trying to bite off too much. I think your goals are very achievable and I look forward so seeing your success in 2017! That said, you not only laid out goals but outlined plans for achieving them while noting a plethora of folks that will be on your team. Perhaps this was just a bit too much given the task. Yes, you are an overachiever

.

Effective communication - I think your wording and the overall approach you took supports clear understanding of what you hope to achieve and to the reader. I will note that in your poem, you used the lines "Your days are blank without refrains, / 'til lilt as rhymes do thrill!" I'm not sure what you were going for ... but I didn't get it.

Presentation - Your "Dear Me" is very entertaining ... and exhausting

. I don't think using mixing bold, fonts, emoticons, and font sizes added anything to the write but, you're the author. If it works for you, then do it. Just as a thought, try increasing the font size by adding {size:4} at the top. It will open the page up and make for easier reading - especially for us geezers

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining read. You are hereby the recipient of the "Overachiever Award."

Thank you for sharing your journey of determination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! On behalf of the "Dear Me" team, I wish you all the best realizing your 2017 goals,

Ken

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#4317234

Review of Dear Me 2017

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Pumpkin

It's just me, Ken. I haven't seen you around much lately and I hope that means you've been working on your goals. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Dear Me 2017"

as a member of the "Dear Me" reviewing team and in association with "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I know this is late but, as they say, better late than never. Due to a mix up, some members never received the feedback they deserved. I hope you find this helpful and worthy of the wait.

First Impression/Thoughts:
They say the first three steps in setting a goal is to Decide. Think of something you want to do or work towards. ... Write it down. Carefully. ... Tell someone. I think you're well on your way

.

Creativity/Impact:
This was an interesting and fun read and I thought you did really well in working with yourself. A good team effort.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Grammar/Wording - This was a very clean write and a joy to read without the more common distractions of errors, misspellings, and such. The one thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time questioning yourself. "What if ..." I think you need to implement paragraph 4! "Work on your confidence more." I've read your work. You're good. Now, just believe

.

Compelling/Persuasive dialogue - This was a letter so you didn't use internal dialogue but, in that sense, this was all dialogue of you writing to you. I thought you did a wonderful job of setting your goals although to me, they were a bit ambiguous. I think that providing a little motivation to meet them beyond questioning yourself might help. Just a thought ...

Realistic Goals - Many who write these set themselves up to fail by trying to bite off too much. I think your goals are very achievable and I look forward so seeing your success in 2017!

Effective communication - I think your wording and realism supports clear understanding for yourself and for the reader. Good job!

Presentation - Your "Dear Me" is very enlightening, entertaining, and coherent. I'm sure it will resonate with many readers. Thank you for increasing the font size by adding {size:4} at the top. It opens the page up and makes for easier reading - especially for us geezers

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very interesting and insightful read. Thank you for sharing your journey of determination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! On behalf of the "Dear Me" team, I wish you all the best realizing your 2017 goals,

Ken

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#4317092

Review of Dear Me... 2017

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

It's just me, Ken. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Dear Me... 2017"

as a member of the "Dear Me" reviewing team and in association with "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I know this is late but, as they say, better late than never. Due to a mix up, some members never received the feedback they deserved. I hope you find this helpful and worthy of the wait.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Obviously, you don't talk to yourself often.

Yes, I'm just teasing with you. I think most readers will absolutely identify with this. Besides yourself, I'm impressed with how much you accomplished in 2016. Good job. But ... this was about what you're planning for 2017, right?

Creativity/Impact:
This was a really good read and I totally get the small pat on the back for 2016

. There's nothing like revving up the engine to get you ready for the next race.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Grammar/Wording - This was an excellent, generally clean write. Two little minuscule considerations -
~ Opening paragraph: "send you a letter instead." Instead of what? Please, don't tell me you call yourself

.
~ Paragraph 6: "Even if you scrape the words in the darkest corners of your secretive soul." A great phrase but not a great sentence

Compelling/Persuasive Dialogue - This was a letter so you didn't use internal dialogue but, in that sense, this was all dialogue of you writing to you. I thought you did a wonderful job of setting your goals and providing a little motivation to meet them.

Realistic Goals - I think your goals are very achievable and was happy to see that you included "Make time for yourself." I've been there too and you need to back away from the computer now and then (although PS4 isn't very far back

) just to recharge. I look forward so seeing your success in 2017!

Effective communication - I think your wording and realism supports clear a understanding of what you want to accomplish this year to yourself and the reader.

Presentation - Your "Dear Me" is well thought out and will resonate with many readers. Just as a thought, try increasing the font size by adding {size:4} at the top. It will open the page up and make for easier reading - especially for us geezers

By the way, I include that line in all my reviews.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enlightening and fun read. I wish you success in getting your edit done and look forward to hearing that you've a publication date! Thank you for sharing your journey of determination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! On behalf of the "Dear Me" team, I wish you all the best realizing your 2017 goals,

Ken

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#4316396

Review of Masks

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi theunknowngirl

My name is Ken, and this is payback for the review you gave me earlier

. Yes, I'm just teasing about payback. Consider it a "welcome" review. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Masks"

on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Yes, we do hide behind masks; some may show indifference while they hurt inside, some may show a smile that hides malice in their heart. Thankfully, not all do.

Creativity/Impact:
As Robert Frost said,"Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." Certainly, the subject isn't new but this is your expression and feelings - based on something you've experienced, no doubt - and that makes it unique to you.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - My first impression is that there's a disconnect between the title and the poem. You call it "Words" but the poem is about the masks we wear. Don't you think "Masks" would be more appropriate?

The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Again, I found it misleading since you never address the hurtful words. I'm sure words were in your mind and was probably what moved you to write this. Sometimes when we write things that we're emotionally close too, we get overwhelmed and forget where we were going.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language is simple, plain, emotional. Since I don't really know who you are, I'd say you're young and this poem is an emotional outlet for you. Of course, everyone is young compared to me

and all poetry is a release of some kind.

Form - Written as "free verse," there's no real right or wrong when writing this form. Free verse poems will have no set meter, which is the rhythm of the words, no rhyme scheme, or any particular structure but they are still an artistic expression. There was a poetry in your words and in the flow of this. I encourage you to explore and use poetry's tools - refrains, alliteration, allegory, metaphor, versification - to help you find new ways to continue the artistry.

Believability - This felt like an honest, from the heart write. Part of the magic of poetry is reading and believing what the poet writes.

Effective communication - When you sat down to write this, what was your intention? Some writes are cathartic, meant to cleanse the soul. That does not make them less poetic but a writer will tend to create images that mean a lot ... to the writer. If your intent was to share your personal revelation about your emotions then you need to craft your poem so that the reader will understand and feel what you're feeling.

Presentation - Because you used short lines, this feels crowded or pushed to the left. Consider using a larger font to fill the white space. Simply type {size:4} before your first word

Once you do that, you'll find you really don't need to double space.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting read and a good beginning on your poetic journey. Thank you for sharing your emotions, imagination, and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4316343

Review of When I Was Born Older

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi turtlemoon-dohi

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm back again

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "When I Was Born Older"

on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Okay, I've been somewhat critical of your writes in the past ... but not this time

. What a thought provoking and original poem. Perhaps, it's just that you "remembered"

or perhaps its just that you found a way to speak to your soul, but you've created a beautiful, meaningful poem.

Creativity/Impact:
This was a fascinating read and I thought very creative. Finding the memories that we have trapped in our very makeup - the "Old Soul" memories - is a unique topic and you handled it brilliantly.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - Loved it!

A perfect capture of the essence of your writing.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language is well thought out to elicit clarity and to reflect the inward journey you embarked on and the discoveries that you made.

Form - I saw that you'd entered this in the Traditional Poetry contest so I was looking for strong rhymes but the form you chose reads almost like free verse. The rhymes (except for the final stanza -

) are subtle and work to make the piece flow smoothly. I'm not familiar with it - is it your own creation? Wherever it came from, it worked well.

Compelling Theme - At first, I was a bit leery of the task you set yourself but the more I read, the more swept up I became in your journey.

Effective communication - I think anyone reading this will understand what you're trying to say and appreciate the journey that you are taking them on.

Entertaining presentation - This is both a story of discovery and an essay on the mystical nature of life. I found it fascinating and loved the unveiling of each line, each new discovery.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very creative and challenging (in the sense of pushing the boundaries of common thought) read. Thank you for sharing your journey of discovery, imagination, and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4314791

Review of Ode to Merit Badges

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi tucknits

It's me, Ken, and as promised (or threatened LOL), it is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Ode to Merit Badges"

on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Love it

. Relating the motivating influence of earning badges as a girl/boy (just so I don't accused of sexism

) scouts to earning MB's on Writing.com is sooo darn clever.

Creativity/Impact:
This was a fun read and I thought a very creative approach to finding a unique perspective given the prompt.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen and would surely catch the attention of most WDC readers. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set expectations. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - Your language is well thought out, eliciting clarity and supporting the theme of motivation. Now, while Ogden Nash received acclaim for inventing words, most just confuse the reader. "persona no gratis" isn't a word ... it's persona non grata which means a person who is not welcome and from the context of your usage, that's not what you meant at all. Since this was a rhyming word, you'll need to change both lines.

Compelling images - Your enthusiasm and descriptive use of words made for a fun read.

Effective communication - I think your thoughts were easily accessible and you communicate with the readers clearly and effectively. The only area where I think you wandered a bit started with your final 3 verses. For some reason, you go off on a tangent about someone who didn't get nominated for the Quills and while I see you trying to bring your poem back with "What keeps him still writing, becomes his ‘juice’? / Why the cool merit badges of course," you've changed the whole tone of the poem from your own optimism to "some selfish guy."

Lively, entertaining presentation - I thought you're "Ode" was very entertaining and will resonate with many readers.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very creative and entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Why not 5 stars?
I often get reviews that praise the hell out my work and then give me 4 1/2 stars or lower with no clue as to why. I know some people just can't bring themselves to give a 5 star rating but that's not me

so I've decided to answer this "nagging question" as part of my reviews when I don't give full measure.

Besides what I've noted above, consider:

~ You kept to the AABB rhyme except in Verse 2, lines 3 and 4. I suspect this was just a matter of you "zoning out" - we all do it - and making your line break one word too late

. Easy fix.

~ Verse 6 - You made line 2 parenthetical but didn't include the complete sentence which goes on to line 3.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

200

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4314778

Review of That Little Old Man

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Angus

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm back again

I saw that you posted this on the Shameless Plug page -
aka the Newsfeed

- and wanted to get some eyes on it. Your wish is my ... Awww, never mind, you wouldn't believe it anyway LOL. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "That Little Old Man"

on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I think there are many of us who wish we'd have had the chance to sit down with our fathers and have just such a conversation. I think you captured the feelings beautifully in this story.

Creativity/Impact:
Knowing this was written semi-autobiographical made the story all that much more compelling. I thought your transition into and out of the story was excellent and had just the right touch of "Screams" to make it interesting.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - Again, I saw nothing in error. Your language is well thought out to elicit clarity and to reflect the characters personalities.

Genuine personalities - Your words painted a wonderful picture of this "curmudgeon" and really helped in bringing the reader into the story. It was easy to see him and you enjoying "the Irish" (even though it's Kentucky bourbon LOL) as you led him along the paths of his memory.

Realistic scenarios - Yep. This was very realistic and I could imagine sitting at the table and listening to you two.

Effective communication - Between your two characters? You bet!

, and, with the reader - absolutely.

Lively, entertaining presentation - I found this story very entertaining and think it will resonate with many readers. The final line - while stretching the bounds of belief - was a great ending.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining and bittersweet read. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .