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598 Public Reviews Given
638 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of The "I" Within  
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,
We come into this world alone,we go out alone.
The essence of this poem is touching.
The reference to 'cabbage',to me, is fitting.
I hate cabbage.
One type error:'With joy I'll...."Capital.
Very good.
Regards.
RICH,j2rr
177
177
Review of Superstition  
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,
I like this one especially,so much of this,and more,was part of my upbringing.
Curtains to be drawn,so that the lightning should not be pulled into the house,
Mirrors covered,that also draws lightning.
If you should walk underneath a rainbow,your gender will change.
A snake killed,must be burnt before sunset, or else it's mate will come to avenge the mate's death.
Regards(punctuation thing,your choice)
RICH,j2rr
178
178
Review of The Departure  
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,
I read,edit ,review,one day I might even write.
Edits are never nice things,but they are like breathing,you have to do it.
If you agree,if you can,split the 3rd verse between 'dream/You'll'.
Build it to 5 verses.If you agree.Normally I do not bother with the actual writing.
But to me,5 verses will work.
Punctuation.Be consistent,pick an idea for punctuation and stick to it.
You can do whatever you like with punctuation in poetry.
Reread your work after completion,after a while,it may look different.
From South Africa.So I know what you are writing about.
Very good
Regards and best wishes for 2009.Enjoy writing and life.
RICH,j2rr
179
179
Review of An Untold Story  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
A farmer story,Not going to pass that up,as I earn my living from farming.
I also read,edit,review and try to write.What follows,that is not me,but many different writers,advising you.
When you have written a piece,chapter or whatever,take a break,come back ,reread.Edit yourself,till you are satisfied.
The count is, another 14 commas,one comma that should be a stop.
Logical sequence,you describe the hands,then the gloves are removed,another description of the hands.
A farmer would normally remove his gloves,to shake hands.
His voice "crystal clear" then "gruffy".
You 'grabbed 'the note pad and pen,/removed/took out/.....
'a lot harder(times),then they are now'
A shovel,well used,actually shines,like well polished silver ware,maybe worn away though.
'shovelled ground'two l.
My piece that I wrote,I also did as one long paragraph,somebody made a comment,I changed the outlay,
now it looks better,reads easier.Please, look at it.
Editing is a pain,but with a good reread from your side,edit yourself,next time ,you can get a 5.
Best for 2009,finish the story,now I am curious what follows.
Regards,
RICH,j2r
(Because I farm,that means I am biased.)
180
180
Review of Final Battle  
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,
Me again.
Reread;commas,capital,1st/2nd person,'and'.Nothing a good reread will not fix.
A good base for more.Normally I do not mess with the author's story,that is yours.
Add more descriptive language,adverbs,adjectives.Read,compare the beginning to the closing.
See if there is a difference.remember,you know your characters,I do not.
Clarity,who is talking.
The story is good.
Regards
RICH,j2rr
181
181
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
Quite an impressive amount of work that you have done.
In a very short time,as well.I surely can learn from you.
Wish you the best for the season ahead,and for your life,happiness.
I'm think,your Purple Angel,also wishes you well.
Regards,
Rich,j2rr
182
182
Review of Me, Myself, and I  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
Your portfolio's volume is impressive,as I have only read'Not a Girly Girl' a full review is not required,but I'm sure that your writing style will suit me.
It was easy,for me,to read.I tend to edit,(my aim is reviewing/editing),no mistakes,no errors,I could read,that I do well.
And that is what the writer should aim for.Please the reader.then you know you can write.That is what you want to do.WRITE.
Enjoy,
Regards,
RICH,j2rr
183
183
Review of The Rightful Heir  
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,
What happened ,I do not know.Nevermind.What I do,is I make a copy,then read it at my leisure,pen in hand,making notes as is needed,according to me.
This is the original edit/review.Dated 24-11-08.
The thought of Camelot,if it was not for the betrayal,would history still have treated this story so.....well?Betrayal or the ideal.The both I think;villian,hero:bad,good.
Once read a court case, brought against Guinevere(modern version),was she guilty,or were mitigating circumstances enough,to excuse her behavior.
Actually thought of revisiting the idea.Guinevere,the woman,the who,the what,the why.
Now,lets look at something:rereading,slow,preferably aloud.If possible,a print,pen or pencil,follow the words.At least twice,break in between,if possible,do something else.
Comma.That will give you the flow of,breathing breaks,punctuation.A positive read will give all the little changes you need.
"his head,covered.....in shame,realized....The King was suddenly....."
Tense......minutes passed.
Typo..his fading....
"and'you can all the"and"out,replace with commas,see the difference!!!
armor/armour?.....leige?Your story is good.I will follow it.I like King(capital)Arthur stories.
Regards,RICH,j2rr
184
184
Review of What is Erotica?  
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,
Erotica:Defined as "pertaining to,or prompted by love."or"pertaining to sexual love."
All forms of emotion of have been used as a base of art.
Love,hate,the outer poles of all,friendship,abuse,betrayal,indifference,so many more.
But only love,in combination with sexual overtones or sex itself,can be considered erotica.
Next problem is?"What is love?"Generally,it is a relationship between two adults of the oppisite sex.
Anything else,will fall outside the defined idea.For those cases there are other words.
How well the author offers the erotica to the reader,that should determine whether it is art or not.
Regards,
RICH.

Webster & Nuttal,ie American & English dictionaries used to define"erotica"
185
185
Review of All Poetry Is Sad  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
As I said,so much.Usually I pick two pieces,this is number two.
I never used to be a big on poetry.
The brain has developed a bit,a suspicion now for a while.
Not absolutely sure,about the growth.
Poetry is a different medium to use to stage thought.
Well done.
Regards,
RICH.j2rr
186
186
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,
An edit.
"on their...brought them...is this room about...I aimed...and suffering..."
Spelling.hindlegs,finished.
Capital."Hi Chatmaster"
Reread.
Review:
und,Careful, if you are not English.Reread,at least 2x,aloud, if you can.
The story is interesting,I enjoyed it.
Regards,
RICH.j2rr
187
187
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,
This is not a review,but an edit.Basic tense mistakes.
"people were happy..forbade..days...to take with her...tightened...rolled over...princess landed...up to the hilt"
Continuity.three...two...three hundred.
Spelling.happiness.
Reread.2-3x,aloud,then you might get the mistakes yourself.
It is your story,so the presentation,is yours.
It is a good story,just reread.
Regards,
RICH.j2rr
188
188
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,
So much,I might yet get there.
Thanks,
Regards.
RICH.j2rr
189
189
Review of My story  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.0)
hi,
How many people wrote the item?Reread the work properly.
Part one: a few punctuation omissions,
Part two: a totally different language.Tense mistakes,punctuation,??
Part three:a few basic errors...."de",another style
Part four: advice to you is the same,punctuation.,minor mistakes.
Part four: almost perfect.
Good story.
Regards.
RICH.j2rr
190
190
Review of Ugly  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
Punctuation:almost perfect.
The writing is fine.
When you talk about problems,few people really care.
But always there are those that will listen,
though they might not do anything.
Somebody will always see you,even if you do not know.
There is an angel for all,so I believe.
Have a look,you might agree.
What's Ugly.looks fine to me.
Regards.
RICH..j2rr
191
191
Review of Graduation Gift  
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,
Punctuation:a few little mishaps.
Spelling:one.
Reread your work,preferably out loud.Slow and easy,twice,preferred.
And the first two lines should dissapear(after Hi,)
Always reread,once for yourself,once for me;the reader.
Enjoy your writing,You can.
Regards,
RICH...j2rr
192
192
Review of A new beginning  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hj,
Welcome.
Writers write.It is their story.
Editors edit.They pick on the story,saying,"Spelling,punctuation,logic.form,mood,feeling,etc,"
Reviewers review.They give an overall view,you can move them,amuse,amaze,touch,some look a bit dead though.
And they will tell you and the world .
A tip:always,always,reread your work.The when,where,how,you reread,that you will get to know,
Every person differs,so method is yours,as you feel.
Punctuation!!It sets flow,mood,meaning and shows the aura,
Coma:
eg.courage,I desperately needed.
or:courage,I,desperately needed........etc.
With all that chaos:the frailest of creatures.Why not pick on something bigger?
return from....to.
consciousness.
A reread will give more pause(coma's)Relax,reread and I am sure, next time,I will just read.
Enjoy your new beginning.
Regards.RICH j2rr
193
193
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
HI,
If all was as easy as that,please to be pleased,
No,there is so much more to the simple case of procreation.
If you are male,as you say you are,consider yourself.
Did you write this piece to be laid.(to be blunt).
No..of course not.
You do the analysis,step back,look at humanity and see,
Go to the more primative forms,there is a joy, a joy which has nothing to do with procreation.
Even there,where higher thought processes,have no meaning.
Life is life,procreation only part thereof.
Regards,
RICH j2rr
194
194
Review of BETTER  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
For hope,
change,
listening,
and the impossible,
maybe we can.
I hope we can.

Maybe a suggestion.
line 4 "in" out
line 32 replace"and" with"in"
what do you think?
Regards.RICH j2rr
195
195
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.::SAMUEL JOHNSON.

Though lunch is free,I want to see all of the menu.Every offer ,so many,to see,to hear,to read,analyse,on and on I can go.
A box of ALLSORTS,the likes of which I still have to see,for me ,FREE!!!
Then an idea,surely,anyone can do this.Write,easy.Why taught me when I was small.
Try IT.!!!
This is where you start to pay.
Writing.Com is an offer,the best,I have seen.
All I have to do,pay my due....write.
Thank You
RICH
196
196
Review of Night Action  
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Doc.
I owe.
I am working back to front,you did say this is a work in progress..
A few comments.
Your stoy line is good.
Re-read the story,
Mood:tense,terse,
"Find the bloody thing;let's piss off,outa this mess.Bloody Jerry can't be far."hissed ......
Look at many of the"and",maybe a comma will pick up the pace.
...lowered his weapon,scowled."
I must still get your volume of work,so far behind,
Minor little things,when you reread,capitals,comma's
As you said,a rough draft of action,,,,
Regards.
RICH.j2rr
197
197
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
To give this power to a person who does have no idea what to do!
I have no qualms to review, as I have done it to authors of note;
Hemingway,Steinbeck,so many more.
I am a professional reader who will say,
"have you tried,good,not yet for me"
I made my own standard to use,nobody to tell me what to do.
This I did enjoy.
.My way.
1 for enjoyment(mine)
1 for trying
1 for the author's honesty
1 for the autror's encouragement to keep on going
1 for the author's respect for his trade
So scream to your heart's delight,I got all I wanted.
198
198
Review of Mongoose  
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Greetings.
This is a review by a male of the specie,living with the creatures of your piece.I am busy with a factual work,that is why this work is getting my attention.
In general the storie line is well done.You did confuse me ever so slightly,
Our "hero" pass on to what next level,death,capture or incarnation?
The human is me,but don't worry,I never kill.
I enjoyed it.
Me new like you.
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