The story has great potential. However, to me, its seems as if it went too fast and not enough details to really start caring for the characters. seemed as if the two main characters did not have enough time to get to know each other, in order fall for each other. in the end i felt as though stan felt forced to take care of Violet because he felt guilty for her death. I did like the way they met and how it started to take place, getting to know each other, which is good.
i am sure that is exactly how it feels. i have yet to find someone to share that feeling with. i was close but in the end... anyhow, good poem. i really do hope you find what you are looking for.
This story is on its own? or is this going to consist of several chapters? I found this part of the story with too many lose ends? how did we get here? why are we here? I would advise to re-read this story, as I found myself reading a double sentence? Here is the example:
"We walk down the stairs leading to the main hall and I take a sigh of relief as I hear the cluttering of plates being washed by hand. Walking down to our table past an open space leading to the kitchen, I can see at least two cooks working, preparing dishes for... nobody, really."
and then..
"Walking down the stairs and past an open space which offers a glimpse of the kitchen, I'm filled with relief at the sight of two cooks preparing dishes for... nobody, really. Just here, the restaurant is barely alive."
I am not sure if that was a mistake? nevertheless, i thought I should let you know.
love. so beautifully complicated. starts off nice and it sucks when it's over. makes you wonder what went wrong. I can feel that in this poem. very deep. keep on writing.
Well, I must admit, those are the best love stories. you never expect it so there is never really any pressure that you are doing anything wrong or right. and the best thing is that you got a best friend. and its always the one person you never thought about. and i think the reason why you were annoyed is cause you liked her w/o realizing it. its weird but its known. good story. keep on writing.
the poem was short and sweet, straight to the point. I liked it. If I can suggest to change the color yellow, to another color. I had a hard time reading it. keep on writing.
Interesting beginning. I would ask, what is the intent with your first chapter. what are you trying to tell the reader about the characters, the surrounding. I understand that they say to write, free writing is what is called. however, when you are ready to write down the first chapter, i recommend to consider the intent and, finally, the outcome of the ending. as of right now, i feel as though the chapter is left abrutly. i see the ideas there, i would just recommend to be executed in a much cohesive manner. best of luck and keep on writing.
this brought sadness. It seems to me that your wife was your rock and now that she is gone, you need to find your way. it will take time. keep on writing.
The story is writen well enough to understand. It takes me through the nightmare the poor wife had to endure. All because her husband could do nothing to protect her. A nightmare for so many and yet so common. keep on writing.
I appreciate how this story developes their chemestry or the beginning of how they met. However, I found myself wanting to know more aobut their date nighT. It is okay to put in inforamtion to develop the situation. But putting too much, i find myself a little overwhelmed. and for this reason it does not gravitate me. I would recommend surrounding this story based on their date night, but putting in enough info to keep it entertaining. This story has great potential. keep on writing.
reading this story is depressing and one that reminds me that a child will grow up and leave one day. the only thing that is left is the memories in which are created. and the sad thing is that the younger child is learning to disrespect his mother, because,in a way, the mother is allowing this. the hope that she feels when she suddenly remembers the past love, makes me sad. she remembers what was once his son. and nothing more. there is nothing more. this is a triggedy in which i wish no mother. this brought me sorrow. keep on writing.
what an interesting way to start a story. However, it just end abrutly. Was this just a thought or will it be completed at a later time? good start. has me interested, would like to conclude it, if possible. keep on writing.
Cute story. but rather confuesed. i thought both the characters were kids. not a husband with her best friend. not sure if that would be something i would believe. It was just an interesting concept. It kind of took me for a loop. other then that it was good.
"Dont you do it!" especially if there are no actions involved. I like this poem. Short and sweet. SHows how naive we can be when we see someone we like. keep on writing.
Its funny that I was talking to someone about this the other day. How i never wanted to have kids and leave them to a world that will never change. like that saying goes "the more things change the more they stay the same" or even worse. good stuff, had me thinking. keep on writing.
I am happy to hear that a long distance relationship worked for you. Hope it grows until the end of times. very ballsy. I, on the other had, tried this and it did not. and that is because he was not faithful and i did not believe that it would work. in conclusion, i would not start anything with someone that is so far. its a gamble that i do not wish to play. other than that, great story. keep on writing.
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