It is a poem the like of which I have never read earlier. And, where there is novelty, there is appeal.
Written in proper English without mistakes of spelling or grammar, it makes easy yet thoughtful reading (wondering about the thoughts in the poet's mind that inspired the writing of such a poem!)
We celebrate Chanukah - the festival of lights - .........
Coming in the dead of winter, Chanukah celebrates the triumph of light over darkness, of purity over contamination, of spirituality over materialism.
***
The above looks almost like Diwali, the Hindu Festival of Lights!
I want to fall in love harmoniously.
want to fall in love passionately.
I want to fall in love tenderly.
I want to fall in love mysteriously.
I want to fall in love spiritually.
these are perfectly desirable and understandable wishes, except the following --
It is a beautiful poem. The title word residue has been thoughtfully placed in each stanza. The tenor of the whole poem is melancholy born out of love that is gone. The theme has been very well expressed in the opening and closing stanzas--
Bits and pieces of memories,
Tucked away until a gentle breeze
Brings a longing to me for you.
Yet all that's left is a residue.
Life must go on, no tears to cry,
Now I know the meaning of goodbye.
A brighter day will come in to view,
And ease the pain of loves residue.
I would like to comment upon this poem both to understand it and to make suggestions.
Where have the eagles gone?
>>>Certainly a great title. It was this that attracted me to this poem.
**
I look to the sky and find none.
Why are all the waters gone dry?
I look to Mother and she don’t cry
Why are the skies so gray?
I lift my hands to Father and pray.
>>> When all the waters are gone and you look towards Mother, why does she not cry on seeing the misery of the son? Who is this Mother with a capital M?
***
O’ Grandfather please hear my words
Life is vain…Grandfather, please spare none!
>>>
Who is this grandfather with a capital G? In any case, you are making a prayer to him. And, what is the prayer? Not to give you something but--"to spare none!". Why are you vindictive rather than be an humble supplicant?
And, BTW, presuming that the Grandfather gave you life, why did he give it in vain?
I stand in fear for I know
My Lord could eliminate many,
And yet I am serenely happy to know
That He loves me so.
****
Matters of faith are not to be questioned. No faith is superior or inferior. There can't be real faith without purity and intensity of faith. When there is purity, nothing else in needed.
However, expressions and beliefs of some faiths may be different from what is depicted above. For example, some faiths may not identify with the first two lines--
I stand in fear for I know
My Lord could eliminate many,
They may feel no need to be in fear of God. They may not perceive God as "eliminator of many", but, rather, as protector and nurturer of all.
. It is an unusual mix of seasons and old age. The villanelle form is a challenge. You have met it.
I made a study of this form and wrote notes for myself regarding this form so as to explain it in simple words as follows:
1--A villanelle is a poem consisting of 5 tercets and 1 quatrain. The rhyming pattern must be—
A1 b A2,
a b A1,
a b A2,
a b A1,
a b A2,
a b A1 A2.
2—In other words, it is an aba rhyme in the 5 tercets. The two rhyme words of the first tercet are alternately repeated at the end of the remaining 4 tercets. Both these words are repeated at the end of the final quartet.
It is a nice poem. It has feeling and pain and also a bit of resolve (rising up again like a phoenix). There are no mistakes. It has a certain degree of flow.
The following lines express well--
Harsh words greet my ears,
A stab once again
Into this already bleeding heart.
Am I to show this pain outside?
No. My worst fate,
To hold it all in!
It is a nice poem. I specially liked the following--
I am the shine in the ink;
the gloss in the paint;
I am the glare in your eyes.
I am the gift that is prized and adored,
and the song of the dancing chimes.
This poem has an impressive score of 5 by 23 viewers.I am rating it 4.5 for the reason that I felt there was lack of flow resulting from line breaks in apparent prose like sentences which are not only within a stanza but even across stanzas. This, to me, takes away from the natural rhythm that is the hallmark of poetry. I am sorry if my rating hurts you.
I was able to write my sestinas without unexpected line breaks--
Nice poem.
By chronicling an even (organising a poetry works shop), you have brought out the essence of poetry--It is spontaneous.
Poetry is not a researched essay. It comes with an urge. It is a different matter that previously acquired skills, through experience and practice, may give even the spontaneous outpouring a semblance of shape and rhyme and rhythm.
It is a nice description of autumn. It can be improved. Let us analyze one stanza:
The earths smell is best described antique
It is a frangrence so breathtaking, so unique,
Smell fall's scent; let it take you to a place euphoric
In a land that has been touched by something historic
***
>>>
Earth's
Fragrance
usage of antique, euphoric and hisoric appears stretched or forced or inappropriate.
I understand and appreciate your predicament as a male. The dilemma faced by you is basically a cultural paradigm related to the question--"What is a woman?"
Is she nothing but a female?
Is she more than a female?
Is she a female in various roles that mould and change, sequentially as well contemporiously? [The roles of a daughter; lover; wife; mother, etc.?]
Does she adopt and accept the above 4 roles equanimously, or does she prefer and strive to stick to one of the above roles for ever?
The last question has important cross-cultural connotations:
1--The Western culture has programmed female psyche to glamorise a woman as a sex symbol to the extent that:
a--Being sexually attractive forever is viewed as an ultimate goal of feminity;
b--Motherhood is viewed as an impediment in fulfillment of the above goal.
2--The independence of the female tends to be equated with independence to move about in society clad in "only four or five items of clothing on and that includes footware", as you put it.
3--The Oriental cultures where the society (including female members of the society) decides to curb the exhibitionist tendencies on the part of women is regarded by the West as backward and decadent that needs to be "modernised" by attacking countries like Iraq and Afghanistan to liberate the people (including women).
This is a poem well written but with a bit of enigma that is permitted in good poetry. There is no rhyme or rhythm scheme but yet it flows well and that is what matters in verse. There is just one mistake--
This is certainly an eminently readable poem. I rate it 5 not only because it is well written but also because it is so rare to find humour in poetry. In addition to that, this poem also reflects upon the travails of old age--the loneliness, sought to be filled by children's company (because the older have no time forthe old); the frailness of body; and, also of the mind.
--M C Gupta
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