"But, if you were only perfect.
You wouldn't be the love of my life."
The ending is appropriate because we don't want to love a person who is totally perfect. Such a person is to be revered and worshipped and obeyed, not loved.
***
BTW, will you please review
For "Dear Me Contest" (E) An entry for the "Dear Me" contest, described as a motivational contest for the New Year #2108701 by Dr M C Gupta
It is not only a beautiful story but an enigmatic one. The reader does not know almost till the end where is it headed. Not even when the faint hint comes as--
“But you Willy, yes, I definitely remember.
Come now, do please fill me in on all
That’s passed in your life since that long ago fall.”
Smiling he exclaimed, “I start in September.
For it’s been just a week since I received the call.”
The secret becomes clear only in the third last stanza--
Finally it dawned on me, something quite grand,
That the new schoolteacher was Mr. William Rand.
"2017 isn't a perfect year, but it isn't the worst, either."
>>> How can we prognosticate about an year that has just begun? How can we say whether it will turn out to be a near perfect year or one of the worst years?
This is a good idea. The Dear Me contest is attractive enough to invite the attention of those who usually don't bother about ordinary contests offering, say, 5000 GP to the winner.
Even from a planning point of view, it makes eminent sense to arrange a high prize contest for those who are paid members. The WDC could not have achieved much without the contributions from paid members.
I am glad to note that proper spelling and grammar is a must for winning entries. It is rather sad to note the falling standards of language.
****
Ref: Include tips for improvement.
>>> This is not a tip for improvement but rather a suggestion. It might be a good idea to have a contest only for higher categories of paid members.
You would note that the first and last stanzas flow very well. The reason is that they largely conform to the pattern of 8 syllables per line [except a deviating line in each stanza]. Another way of saying this is that 6 of the 8 lines are in tetrameter. Your poem will improve if you can ensure the same meter throughout.
Ref:
Each season gives us pause for thought,
By all the memories its brought.
The beauty given fills our soul,
Soothes our minds and makes us whole.
>>> You probably mean to say--
By all the memories it has brought.
If that be so, the appropriate way to write would be--
Ref: This is only a conceptual idea of life on the moon,
****
It would have been expected and helpful to know:
i)--Whether your idea is totally new or such or similar concepts have been proposed by other scholars.
ii)-- What are the challenges to this concept as per the current state of knowledge.
I chose this article for reading because I wanted to increase my knowledge about the role and promise of hydrogen as a fuel for the future. This article did not increase my knowledge. An article titled
"Hydrogen-Fuel of the Future" cannot convey the proper message in five lines / eight sentences. You need to elaborate in more depth.
I read this poem twice. I could not understand it well. It has been rated 5 stars by 8 persons. I must conclude that there is something I am missing.However, when it comes to rating, I must be honest and hence I venture to rate it 3.5, without any intention of insulting the writer or the poem.[3.5 is above average.]
BTW, I found it unusual that the writer uses the term "poetries" for what others call "poems".
NOTE--I viewed this item as a small gesture of thanks for the writer who so kindly gifted me a ticket for "WDC Power "Out of this World " Raffle" .
This is surely a highly intellectual poem, with an average score of 4.5 by 11 viewers, given to a moderator with 678 community recognitions. I feel peeved! For proper understanding, this poem needs knowledge of Greek mythology, which I lack.
This is a nice poem about the grandeur of the old that rules the nature, irrespective of the passage of time. The concept has been well reflected in the opening lines--
Old winds blow through canyons carved by time
bringing hints of worlds beyond distant horizon,
This is a unique poem on a unique subject, written in a manner that inspires a feeling that the writer knows what he is saying (refer: alpha and theta brain waves in the EEG) and has probably experienced it himself. The poem has flow and substance. It deserves full ranking.
Comparing a woman with a sea is fine. I have done so in my poems. But, to do so in a manner that is not perceptible at all unless the title is displayed as "Describing a woman", takes away a bit from the reader's comfort zone. At least that is how I felt.
With respects, I must confess that I have difficulty in understanding this poem. Had the writing been in a proper grammatical shape, I might have blamed myself for my inability to comprehend. This poem does not make a proper grammatical statement with at least minimum punctuation to show where a sentence ends or begins.
By way of illustration, I reproduce below the first stanza--
I've learned that a good story starts at a high point
or maybe its a low canyon of words that fire out
of a cannonball, one green grenade blasting
into the world of writing, how it turns
Sometimes the love of writing
circles into a war, a battle within, pages
to number the time it takes
"Author beware," the instructor said.
This poem has to get five stars, there is no doubt about it. To write a long poem, in long meter, in rhyme and rhythm, telling a tale, with witty sarcasm, is not everybody's cup of tea. It is a rare feat and you have done it well. Also, congrats for the prize in the contest.
This is a nice poem about teens' birthday parties, the joy and the effervescence asociated with them, and the concern of the poor dad--
The list was long, some best friends some not
as Mom kept adding ones Maggie forgot.
“That’s enough,” Dad said again
worrying about affording pizza for ten:)
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