It is a pleasure to read your poem. The essence of good poetry lies in its ability to make, through only a few words, an impression on the mind, along with an image, that may not be possible through reams of prose. It has been favourably reviewed by others, the rating been average 4.5 by six viewers. I am the seventh one.
This poem is full of imagery and impact and has presented the emotions in simple but effective words. There are no mistakes.
I read this poem on request because you have been receiving mixed reviews and suggestions that are not consistent and leave you wondering whether to make changes and in what manner.
Let me ask myself "What more in this poem would prompt me to give it a five star rating?" The answer is as follows:
1--I would have preferred the use of capitals and punctuation as appropriate.
2--I prefer rhymed verse in meter to unrhymed verse.
On the whole, it is your poem and style. The score of 4.5 by 7 people, so far, is an enviable score. You may leave it as such. You may change if and when you feel like in a manner you feel like.
Out of all the suggestions you received, use those that make sense to you. Poetry is not written by mathematical rules or formulae. It has to reach the heart. The angle does not matter. A high rating indicates it has reached the heart. Use your own angle and direction and force as suits your taste and style best.
It is a nice poem in tetrameter written in proper rhyme without any mistakes and with a clear inspiring message that we, as captain, must take charge of our life's ship and venture ahead, irrspective of difficulties.
It is a beautiful, though sad poem. I don't find many poems on this site on the topic of bereavement, particularly concerning the immediate aftermath. You have tackled the topic very well. The opening stanza will benefit by re-looking into it. The last 2 stanzas are particularly well worded. There is need for editing at a few places.
It is a nice poem, above the average. It needs work up.
In general, rhymes, particularly in the even lines, appear stretched.
In specific:
All this talk about race, most of the time it’s just to fill space.
From black to white and every color in between, it is a mental case.
>> The last 5 words are fillers that don't fit.
Tragedy and strife is all part of life, no one is rarely exempt.
>> Tragedy and strife are parts of life,
>> What you mean is--no one is really exempt.
This poem is in the philosophy genre and the theme is Schopenhauer's principle of individuation, with which I am not familiar. That may be the reason I could not understand it well. There may be others like me. I can only guess that you are probably describing how a little girl can fearlessly and unconcernedly smile in a situation of destructive calamity such as that caused by war or other devastation.
It is a nice poem but too short and, in my opinion, lacking much flow as also deep emotion. The thoughts expressed are easily understandable but are not unique. There are no spelling or grammar mistakes.
I note that you have been giving, on the average, 17 reviews a day over last 11 months. That is quite a feat. My average has been 1.75 a day over last 8 years.
Marvellous. That is the complete description of this poem. Still, I wonder whether it would be possible to write it in rhyme and meter. If yes, it would progress from marvellous to wonderful.
Hello, DR Smith. I did not know you are such a genius! Getting first prize in Monty's contest and , in addition, having 35 five star ratings for this poem is truly a record. I hereby add one more to it.
This is a nice poetic presentation of the circle of life--
on the first day of school.
You turn and wave
goodbye.
Much later
through the same window
I see you returning,
your arms full of babies,
your mouth full of lullabies.
You wave hello,
and I realize
you have finally completed
the full
circle of life.
This is a beautiful poem. The beauty lies in the unique comparison of the night to the boy who has lost all his marbles and is called by the mother to come back home.
and hearing his mother call him home to dinner
must gather up the remaining stars,
to save for another time.
I see him pout
as he stomps across the mountains,
less than enthusiastic
as his playtime draws to an end.
This is an exceptionally brilliant piece of writing.
1--Beautifully, it starts and ends with:
"I am not a writer. But I hope to be one someday."
I must say you are already an accomplished writer. So accomplished that I can honestly say if I have to find five writers on this list whom I have read past eight years and place them in the exceptional writing category, you would be one of them. You have spent 5 months on this site and have just two items in your port and are offering 675 GP for reviewing this. This, in itself, is an uncommon combination!
2--It starts with a theme that I never thought of earlier--that "I have heard that writers succeed in getting answers to most of the questions posed by life". having mentioned this theme in the beginning, you rambled, beautifully, about various contrasts in life. It was engaging to read these thoughts, especially, "So when speech expects a listener then why tears are denied an audience?"
That expression is profoundly literary and cannot come from an ordinary mind. Yet, I thought that you were lost in your rambling and forgot the main theme. Surprisingly, you came back to the main theme forcefully and convincingly in the second half of the write. It is remarkable when you wrote--"When we encounter the negative, we feel disappointed and dejected. But a writer in the same situation draws positive energy from the virtual world which exists in his senses. He realises that he has been put down by some unknown force and thus to balance this he pens down his emotions and creates his own characters who perform as he wants them to. These characters are a medium of his expression. He cries through them and acts through them". I almost suspect you have a double PhD in both English and Psychology!
There is only one mistake, which has got to be a typo--"Off course, this requires the ability of a writer...."
Let me assure you that I am a very honest reviewer and am not given to superlative praise, even if the item be by a fellow Indian. As a matter of fact, I had a constant feeling while reading your article that even though English is not your first language, your language and writing skills are far far better than most people in USA in my experience. No offence meant to anybody.
It is a nice poem proclaiming the wife's devotion to a husband in terms and similes typical of pure, admirable, innocent, devoted love, exemplified by--
The oceans and rivers will run dry
Before I dare to make you cry
As a matter of fact, reading in between the lines, it could have been as well labelled--Devotion of the young wife:)
It is a nice poem written with rich vocabulary and no mistakes of spelling or grammar. It has a touch of mysticism / vagueness that leaves the reader wondering while trying to fathom out the meaning.
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