 FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an article about regulations regarding weapon control.
 THOUGHTS:Great job in analyzing what seems like a complex thesis! I really liked how you dissected and pointed out the important facts.
 FAVORITE PART: I thought you wrote this article well. You picked great points to tell about, and I loved how you spaced them throughout the paper.
I also felt that you did a nice job with the transition from your facts, to your personal opinions. It was a smooth change. I would suggest adding a bit more to your second to last paragraph. That one, to remind you, is the area where you expressed your own feelings about the article and it's subject matter. You might possibly expand your one paragraph into two or three by giving a few examples of your statements. For example, you mentioned something about how criminals could easily use household items as weapons. You could talk more about this, and you might recall incidents that you remember from the news.
 SUGGESTIONS:I would suggest substituting, 'Wilson', everywhere you have 'James'. James is a first name, and most articles use last names when speaking about an author.
I understand that you were mixing it up, as not to overuse the same name everywhere. I would suggest that you might be able to combine sentences in some places to help solve this problem. For example, here you have, "I also feel Wilson did a good job covering the counterarguments of this topic. James also used appropriate statistics, facts, and testimonies, which aided his argument." Why not change it to something like, "I also feel Wilson did a good job covering the counterarguments of this topic by using appropriate statistics, facts, and testimonies."
I noticed several places which could be improved in your article. I'll start from the top to point out a few of these places...
Here you wrote, "The reader can quickly understand his essay is bout gun rights and gun ownership." ...bout should be about.
Here..."James' thesis states banning illegal gun use..." You already mentioned his work in the sentence before, so I would change that to something like, "Wilson states that banning..."
In a similar issue, you mentioned the word, 'tone', in the sentence before. I would change, "His tone reflects on how seriously..." ...to something like, "He reflects..."
I won't point out all repeated words in your story, but when you go back to proofread, you might keep that in mind.
You have a simple title and brief into right now. When you change it, please also change your rating to something which is not E. The mention of guns and violence is not appropriate for all ages.
Here you wrote: James then continues to add if guns and ammo are restricted lawful citizens will not have a means to protect themselves. Is this a direct quote from the thesis? If it is, it should be in parenthesis.
This part didn't read right to me..."James then makes a statement of the position of others who agree with..." I think I would change that to something like, "Wilson then discusses the position of those in favor by offering this quote..."
I loved your last paragraph, but I would reword it a bit. You seemed to add, 'feel', in each sentence. I would also make your middle sentence be your last 'powerhouse' sentence to conclude your article. It would be changed to something like this..."I personally feel that in today's society most people are going to do what they want regardless of laws and the consequences of these actions. In my opinion, violence doesn't solve anything, and in many situations will only make the outcome worse. I believe, however, that our right to protect ourselves is very important and must be taken into consideration when gun laws are passed.
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| (4.0)
| (4.5)
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