FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a fantasy story, about a girl born with powers.
THOUGHTS: Welcome to WDC. I'm impressed that you already have a few chapters of a great story in your port. Keep on writing!
FAVORITE PART: I found this first chapter to be really interesting. I liked how you build up the perplexing thoughts that your character is plagued with. It gives your readers a feel for what she's going through.
I love the Tokyo setting for the story. It's great that you told this in your first chapter, because it helps your readers to imagine the scene.
I thought it was great that you added suspense at the end of this chapter. We wonder who sent her, and how it was that she came to be born into this world of magic, where electrical devices explode in her presence.
SUGGESTIONS: You have the makings of a really fantastic story here. I do think that it needs some polishing.
I would start by breaking up your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. This will give some air in between the thoughts and points of information.
You might also add a few more sentences into these smaller paragraphs, to clarify some of the information. The beginning of stories are the parts where readers try to get a grasp of what is going on. At times, I thought the story was progressing too quickly to understand what was going on.
For example, we never found out what the character's name was, or what she looks like. We aren't sure what her people are like. We don't have any descriptions of her surroundings. These small details will fill more into your paragraphs, without rushing through the story.
Also, I think you might edit some of your wording to make your story have a smoother flow. Here you wrote: "I think so, sometimes. Times when my head turns into my mind and floats away from reality." You might, for example, change that to something like: "I think so. Sometimes my mind seems to float away from reality, as though in a dream."
I would recommend going back and checking to make sure there are no typos in your first chapter. If people see too many typos, they might be reluctant to read your other chapters.
I found a few - "Nataz shook her head to clear it, many times those fisrt real thoughts..." ...Should be,"first".
"A deep humming sound rumbled frrom deep within..." ...Should be, "from".
You might consider writing a short introduction about what your chapters will be about. This could get more readers interested in your story. How many people would choose a book without a clue what it's about. I always read the book jackets and introductions.
Keep the story going, because you have fine creativity.