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This is a fun entry! I've never heard of futurists before and have learned something new.
The dialogue is believable. Gunther's skepticism shines through in the interview even though he made his fortune based on Keller's advice. Keller is informative and steadfast in the face of the skeptic.
I really enjoyed this piece! It flowed well. The personality of Kate shined wonderfully. I was intrigued by the direction of questioning and the story presented itself nicely.
My one comment is that you leave a space each time you switch between the person talking. It will make this so much easier to read.
This is a fun entry idea! It makes me wonder if he is crazy or the rest of us are just misinformed. I would have liked to see more of an in-depth interview. You could have gone crazy with Rodger's idea.
Watch your plurals. Some words here should be plural and aren't and vice-versa.
This is very powerful! You captured the dilemma that our soldiers face everyday once they are back on our shores. It's heartbreaking.
I like that the reader gets to see into the psyches of both the interviewer and interviewee. Both have powerful motivations for their actions. Their exchange is believable.
An interesting interview. I like the idea of a publisher interviewing characters in a book before making the decision to publish. That might actually be a good tool for writers to use in order to see if their characters are interesting or not.
You do need to watch for spelling errors and punctuation errors. There are quite a few.
This is a very interesting and thought-provoking entry. All we see on the news are the overall stories of the high seas pirates but never that some may well be children.
I like how the interviewer builds the trust of Chapatti. It makes the piece more believable than if the boy easily answered the questions.
Two things: Watch punctuation and you've spelled Chapatti's named differently in a few places.
Other than that, nice job! Thanks again for entering!
I have to admit, I had a hard time following this story. The thoughts/sentences run together and made it difficult for me to follow.
I do see bits and pieces of it that are good bones for a story. I want to be able to understand the main character's thoughts and ilness.
Give some thought to working on this to make it easier for your readers.
Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed the prompt!
Having lost my own father to leukemia, this piece tugged at my heartstrings.
Some things to work on:
Punctuation, especially apostrophes dealing with possessive nouns.
Leave a space between paragraphs. It's easier on your readers' eyes.
When dealing with dialogue, separate it from the rest of the story. Start a new paragraph with each person speaking. When you run it all into the paragraph, it confuses your readers.
With a little work, I think this could be a nice story.
Thanks again for entering. I hope you enjoyed the prompt!
This is a good, solid story! Your imagery brought the scene to life. The dialogue rings true. How many times I've heard women say some of those very things!
I love this: There were no stars tonight; just the man-made kind bursting in unison, their brilliant colors and deafening detonations punctuating the death of my marriage like some cheesy B-movie soundtrack.
I like a story with a happy ending! I thought this was a good take on the prompt.
I'd love to see more imagery here. You do describe Alex well through Kenya's eyes.
You could do more with this story. Let your readers know Alex's story. How did he come to be where he is? Why is he so desperate that he thinks kidnapping is the answer? (He owes money, but how did it get so bad?) I think you could really run with this story and make it really great. Think about it.
This is an excellant piece! I finished it wanting to hug Murphy!
Your word choice moved the story along nicely and brought it to life. Your imagery is great. Murphy is very believable as are the other characters. I have nothing but good things to say. I found nothing out of kilter.
Well written. Nice job!
What a fun, feel-good story! I'm a small town gal myself and this brings back memories. I also was reminded of time spent on my grandparent's farm in eastern Colorado.
This was entertaining (I laughed out loud at some of the things Blake came up with!), believable and flowed very nicely.
I found not a thing out of kilter. Well done!
What a sweet story! I love the idea of the "fire flowers." And I love discovering what they were as the story unfolded.
My only wish is more details. I would love to read even more about the days with Grammy. I would like to know more about Amy's illness.
This flowed well. The memories kept things moving along nicely. A little more work and I believe this piece will be even more wonderful!
This is a nice story about the price one is willing to pay for love. You bring across Andean's sense of urgency very well. I could feel it.
Even so, I felt the story was rushed a bit. I know you had a word limit to work with but I would have loved to hear more of their history.
I believe that, with some work, this could be a really wonderful piece! Great job!
This is a powerful story! So many of our soldiers come home suffering in ways such as this. You captured his state of mind so vividly.
I once worked at a convenience store on the midnight shift. I had a guy come in some nights who was a Vietnam veteran. He had trouble sleeping and had PTSD. You very well could have described him in this piece.
I found nothing out of kilter here. Very well written!
What a fun piece! I don't know if you are a teen or not, but this captures all the aspects of a teen girl getting ready for a date and her thoughts throughout.
This piece would shine with more details. Bring in what she hears, tastes and smells, etc. This will keep your readers engaged and feeling what your character feels.
Also check your spelling. I noticed a few words spelled incorrectly.
This is an amazing story! Well told and strong in imagery. I was drawn in from the beginning and held entranced to the end.
The flashback is very vivid. I was in tears as I thought about what our troops are dealing with overseas as well as those who are now back home.
This was an interesting story with a nice, feel-good ending. I enjoyed reading about your character's struggle and how she overcame it.
Your story has good bones but you need to work with it a bit more. Some sentences were not clear in their meaning and confused me. Work a little more with dialog too. Some of it was very good/believable, some was very stiff.
I believe with a little tender loving care, this piece will really shine.
Thank you again for entering! I hope you enjoyed it.
Wow! The imagery and emotion in this piece are very strong. Bravo!
I moved from my hometown about 10 years ago and the changes I see whenever I go back are staggering. I barely recognize it now! I tell you this because your poem reminds me of the feelings I experience every time I go back.
To me, poetry should evoke images and emotions. This poem does just that and does it well. Thank you for sharing!
I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd drop by your port.
Good opening papragraph. Anyone who's ever been fishing can relate.
all he had to show for his effort was a numb ass and a handfull of mosquito bites
Love this line!
and he was almost ready just to cut the line when it went slack
This reads kinda off. Perhaps "to just cut the line?"
he was reeled it in
"Was" isn't needed here.
Clarence didn't know what was happening , he considered that it might be some kind of dementia that comes on with old age. He also thought about the look on old Harry's face when he told him about this the next time they faced each other at the chess table.
Place a period where the comma is and begin a new sentence.
The last sentence sounds like past tense. Word it so the reader knows he is think about Harry's face in the future when he tells. him.
The last two paragraphs are excellant!
For a very short story, you covered all the bases. You gave us imagery and a plot that flows well with a few minor exceptions.
Thank you for sharing!
I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd drop by your port.
All I can say is. "Wow!" I realize that this is part of a chapter and a work in progress but you've done a great job.
You have a very descriptive way of writing and that draws your readers in and keeps them.
While we see the characters in a way, the focus is on Luther's story. And a disturbing story it is! It flows well and leaves nothing to the imagination which works perfectly here.
There are a few spelling errors but being a work in progress, I'm not worried about those at the moment.
You have a wonderful writing style, very realistic and believable. Keep it up!
Hi there!
I owe you a review from way back and thought I'd visit your port.
First Impression:
From the beginning, the read knows this will be a sweet love story.
Comments: master piece
One word: masterpiece.
whispered love notes in her ears.
I like this!
"William, Oh William, she cried.
Place quotation marks after the second William.
it seems only yesterday.
The rest of the paragraph is in past tense while "seemes" is present tense. Use "seemed."
When the shadows of dusk fell around her. She walked back to her lonely, empty apartment.
This should be one sentence.
She worked in a pencil factory office. Keeping books.
This should be one sentence.
Their twentieth anniversary arrived. She is not the young girl he married twenty years ago. Time has not been good to her. She walks to the park. The pain in her heart remains. She knows it will never go away. She found the bench. It is still the same bench from times past. She sits and stares. Her eyes are focused on the carving, her mind is on the day the carving was put there. This entire paragraph reads very choppy. You might want to rework it.
"Do you come here often?" He asked
"No, only once each year, on this date.." She answered.
"That seems odd, why only once a year?" He inquired.
The "he" and "she" shouldn't be capitalized.
her and Williams tree.
William's is possessive here.
Watch you tenses. Sometimes they cross from past to present when they shouldn't.
Character Development:
Your readers get a nice insight into Joann. We know the pain and
suffering she's gone through over time.
Dialogue/Monologue:
Believable. Just pay attention to punctuation and capitalizations.
Plot Structure:
Flows nicely.
What Worked:
The entire storyline flows well. The ending, while I saw it coming,
made for a great read.
What Didn't Work:
Just a few choppy areas.
Overall Impact:
Nice story!
Closing Remarks:
Thanks for sharing your work!
~Nikola
Your characters are believable. I felt for Charlie while despising the Professor. You obviously know a lot of facts yourself or did a good amount of research.
The story flowed well.
The only flaw I found was "sir name." It is spelled "surname."
I enjoyed this piece. Thanks again for entering!
~Nikola
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I would have liked to see more of an in-depth interview. You could have gone crazy with Rodger's idea.