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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
438 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Curiosity Shop  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
STATIC
Curiosity Shop  (13+)
Strange things happen on the idyllic island
#2217296 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

From the first paragraph I thought this was a travel piece. It gradually opened up into something far more interesting.

Plot and Characterisation

Katherina was the local busybody, knowing everyone's business. I can see the old lady sat at her window, which strangely reminded me of my grandmother who did the same. The aliens came as a surprise.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

You might want to consider an opening that is more exciting and pulls the reader in.

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27
27
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Morning Encounter   (18+)
This is my make out scene... but it is pretty tame.
#2218751 by 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

You are off to a good start. A romantic breakfast without getting too graphic.

Plot and Characterisation

This is just a section of a much longer story but already we know the characters have feelings for each other. Bringing in meeting the family suggests it is more than lust driving the relationship.

Spelling and Grammar

There are a few typos that need to be addressed but no real problems.

Overall Impression

'Fifty Shades' might have been a best seller but it was hardly a literary masterpiece. Keep to the innocence and romance.

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28
28
Review of The homecoming  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The homecoming  (E)
Michael comes home
#2214652 by Sumojo
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

I suspected there was something calling him home. Dad's Altzheimers was a good twist. A story full of memories and future possibilities.

Plot and Characterisation

Michael gets the urge/call to come home. I can see him looking around his old home town and seeing little change. I can view the old man staring into space. I can feel Stella's reluctance to burden her son.

Spelling and Grammar

I spotted the odd typo but nothing to worry about.

Overall Impression

You have managed to develop not just Michael but also Stella and George.

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29
29
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found it interesting to read the story from Emma's POV. It started well. The problem you have, one I have suffered from myself, is that you get so far then you want to end it. The last two thirds of this were rushed. I see a number of chapters here, probably one from each paragraph.

What happened at the police station when Grey voluntarily went there? Did they believe him? How and why was he beaten up by his brothers. These are scenes which should be told from Grey's POV.

Learn to slow down. Write a few paragraphs, reread, take time to think out the next scene. You have the outline here now fill in the blanks.


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30
30
Review of The Mission  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
The Mission  (E)
Three soldiers on an important mission
#2217210 by BlueJay
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

Which war are we fighting? Are we in Afghanistan? No. We are kids on a holiday adventure.

Plot and Characterisation

In a few words we were taken to a warzone with Jimmy as the officer commanding his men.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

This reminds me of a bygone age when battles weren't fought on a screen.

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31
31
Review of Greyson Dante  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Greyson Dante   (18+)
Written for the Character Contest. This may become part of a mystery romance
#2216650 by 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

An interesting coming home story. Memories of a not so happy past mixed with the effort to move on.

Plot and Characterisation

The narrator returns to his boyhood home after his father's death. We learn of his unhappy childhood, and see the man he has become.

Spelling and Grammar

There is a brief passage near to the beginning where the tense changes from first person to third. There are also a few typos.

Overall Impression

I want to know what happens next; the sign of a good story.

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32
32
Review of Soda Bread  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Soda Bread  (E)
This Irish treat can mean big trouble for a Leprechaun.
#2216110 by flyfishercacher
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

I can smell the bread, yum. Not surprised the leprechaun was tempted, bread being in short supply and all.

Plot and Characterisation

I think Meadowbush has visited our local supermarkets. Or maybe it was his mates. Those leprechauns get everywhere. You know the wee folk well.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

The bread thief is very applicable at the moment. Ours tend to be larger and drive SUVs.

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33
33
Review of Nervous Flier  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Nervous Flier  (13+)
A 24 Syllables contest entry
#2214409 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

24 syllables is not much space to create but there is a story here. Not sure if the nervous flier is the passenger or the pilot. I hope it's the former but fear it's the latter as you mention 'skill will keep the job'.

Spelling and Grammar

I'm no expert when it comes to poetry form but I see no spelling mistakes.

Overall Impression

I take it the word 'Charisma' was a prompt. Charisma is indeed something which can gain you employment in some spheres.

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34
34
Review of Wonderland 2020  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing "A-2: Find the Key to the Garden" for
FORUM
I Write in 2020  (E)
Write and review once a week for all of 2020
#2208028 by Annette


Initial Impression

Well done. I know you don't like praise but the very fact that you are looking at the children as possible adoptees shows your commitment. If this blog entry makes even one person think it will be worth it.

Spelling and Grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

A real heartfelt article/personal journey. It means a lot to you and that comes through. It is a little different in the UK. They are trying their best to phase out group homes and make sure every child has a foster home. One of the problems we are facing in the last few years is an influx of unaccompanied minors who are seeking asylum.

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35
35
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
STATIC
Ch 1. My Mate Monica.  (18+)
Things were going well for Monica, until a middle aged stalker took an interest in her.
#1606528 by Bruce.


Initial Impressions

I knew as soon as I started reading that the author was British and of a similar age to me. You are obviously someone who lived the seventies. I was confused by the first line as to whether they were inside or outside the restaurant. Maybe it's just my aging brain. You could maybe come up with a more dramatic start to draw the reader in but that is your choice.

Plot and characterisation

Everyday life is disturbed by a series of phone calls. The reactions of Monica and her nearest and dearest are realistic. I have some suspicions about Dave. Will he turn out to be a baddie or a goodie. I must read on to find out.

Spelling and grammar

Thank you for using a decent sized font, it makes the reading so much easier for us oldies. I saw no problems with spelling or grammar.

Overall Impression

I felt empathy with Monica. She is typically British, trying to keep the stiff upper lip but crumbling inside. In 1973 I was 19, about the same age as Monica. It was a different time. We took more chances. We couldn't rely on Dad's taxi. As you continue don't forget the time setting. Strikes, power cuts, standpipes ... How did we survive it?

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36
36
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Lyrics of The Lancers  (18+)
A Distorted Minds Contest entry
#2213947 by Mastiff
for "I Write in 2020" 

Initial Impression

As a detective writer myself I was about to say this case was just too simple, then came the twist.

Plot and Characterisation

I'm not sure what your word limit was but maybe your detectives could have been developed a little further. I did get the character of the husband fairly well. The plot started simply but that ending came as a big surprise.

Spelling and Grammar

I spotted the odd typo, common mistakes when the muse takes you and you type at speed. Otherwise, no problems.

Overall Impression

When the contest is over consider lengthening this piece. Give us more of the detectives, their appearance, their quirks. Let us see Jimmy at work. More importantly, let us learn a little more of the true killer, the guy behind the music.

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37
37
Review of The dancer  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 The dancer  (E)
Disillusioned after a dancing career
#2211684 by Sumojo
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

The story of Eloise unfortunately cut short by the word limit. You certainly evoke the little girl with aspirations and her final fate.

Plot and characterisation

Memories of a faded career. You show the older woman she has become. I could feel her disillusionment, picture her career at the Folie Bergeres and her downfall that led to stripping in a seedy nightclub.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

I wanted more. This could easily be the synopsis for a novel. I could see the young woman setting off for Paris with high hopes. I could feel the heartache as her career downslides into the seedy underworld.

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38
38
Review of Damien's Woods  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing
 Damien's Woods  (18+)
A young boy is used for an evil ritual.
#2211748 by JoeVan
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

Wow, scary. A tale that begins with innocence and takes a turn very much to the dark side.

Plot and characterisation

The boy in his imaginary world trapped in a place of evil. You portray the boy well. Even when he becomes that terrible wood the little boy comes through with his forlorn cry for mother.

Spelling and grammar

There were a few typos, missed words, extraneous words but the basics are fine and a reread/rewrite can easily correct.

Overall Impression

You are good at scaring people. With a bit of experience you could become a master of the genre. Pop in and see Angus with his Screams contest. But stay out of Damien's Wood!!!!

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39
39
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Alice and Her Beloved Flute  (ASR)
A princess becomes needy once she learns the stars can do everything for her.
#2210674 by Earthworm Sally
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Welcome to WDC

Initial Impressions

A charming children's story about a spoiled Princess. You might want to divide into smaller paragraphs both for children and for us olds reading on line.

Plot and characterisation

Alice begins as a sweet young thing but builds to being a spoiled brat. She got what she deserved.

Spelling and grammar

When a new person speaks it should start a fresh paragraph. This also helps break things up for easier reading.

Overall Impression

A good start to your time here on WDC.

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40
40
Review of The Avalanche  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 The Avalanche   (E)
Erin has a lucky escape
#2211190 by Sumojo


Initial Impressions

Not sure if this is a true story but the old adage 'Show don't Tell' comes into force here. I can't tell you how to rewrite but think about using dialogue; maybe someone can tell you about snow conditions, give the safety lecture etc.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is simple - caught in an avalanche. You don't really create characters; dialogue might help to do this, as would description.

Spelling and grammar

I see no problems.

Overall Impression

Could be an exciting adventure story if you show don't tell.

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41
41
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Chili By Candlelight  (13+)
A young married couple have an explosive evening, in more ways than one.
#390493 by Sophy v.2021
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

My initial impression was of an elderly couple. Maybe it was the knickknacks, all with their place. Maybe it was the nagging wife. Now I see that was because of the necessary quotes.

Plot and characterisation

It is an age old situation - the unexpected pregnancy. I still did not get the sense of a young couple, married only briefly. They came across as an old married couple with years of living together and knowing each other's ways.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

The exploding chilli as metaphor for the argument, deliberate or coincidental?

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42
42
Review of Dreamcatcher  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Dreamcatcher  (18+)
What happens when a dreamcatcher is full? 120 word flash
#1270576 by Arakun the Twisted Raccoon
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

120 words doesn't give you a lot of scope but you managed to have a beginning, a middle and an end.

Plot and characterisation

Quite a simple premise that a dreamcatcher can only hold so much. Harvey must have real problems for so many nightmares.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

It tells a story despite the word limitation.

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43
43
Review of Got It?  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Got It?  (18+)
Mick's really bad plan, plus pigeons and more. (Dog-Ear Tales)
#1426752 by Ben Langhinrichs
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

This reminds me of Dumb and Dumber and others of that ilk. I'm not sure Mick is the only one with a low IQ. Your narrator went with the plan and then made things worse.

Plot and characterisation

I really get those characters coming through. Alcohol and drugs have really killed a few brain cells in this pair. I liked the listing sections, like the guy was trying to get things straight in his head.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

This is well written with the distinct voice of the narrator and his pal. I've known people like this.(Mentioning no names)

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44
44
for entry "Be Mine" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing "Be Mine" as part of
FORUM
Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party  (13+)
January 2020 Review Activity - Review and be Rewarded!
#2208950 by Reader? Check out 2233315


Initial Impressions

This is a good example of stalker behaviour. It is merely an exert but gets the point across.

Plot and characterisation

Jeffery has dreams of a future with Gina Hicks. This is delusional behaviour. You get that across in few words. As to Gina, we know nothing of her except that she is tall and probably famous.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems.

Overall Impression

The show don't tell thing is difficult. Maybe if you start with Jeffery calling after Gina and then put the descriptive stuff between the lines of dialogue? This is only a suggestion. I'm no expert.

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45
45
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.5)
The worst part is this actually happens every time there is a possibility of snow. Yes, even in UK. You tell it well my friend. Survival of the fittest. I can hear the disbelief in the narrators voice. I can also hear a man not wanting to upset the other half. Did you also raid the gas station? In UK, petrol/diesel seem just as 'essential' as bread and milk. No problems with spelling or grammar in this well written account of a fact of life.


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46
46
Review of This is the UFO.  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 This is the UFO.  (E)
We are glad to announce recruitment on Planet earth, please read this info item.
#2209594 by NOBODYLEARNS
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Welcome to WDC.

Initial Impressions

Where do I sign up? This is an interesting way of writing fiction. Who knows, one day it might be real.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is that an alien organisation are recruiting. This is almost believable. As to characterisation, not really applicable, although I think I can picture some strange alien sat behind a desk, interviewing recruits. Maybe that's the way to go to add to this piece.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems with either. Maybe the layout is not quite right. Look at an army recruiting poster for ideas.

Overall Impression

Maybe not a story as it stands but a useful inclusion for something longer. Keep going.

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47
47
Review of Dream Logic  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 Dream Logic  (E)
A recurring nightmare I used to have which was often spurred on by the silliest of things.
#2210048 by Michael Rose🏳️‍🌈
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

Dreams are weird and this dream is no different. Not so scary to begin with, then the man with the knife is terrifying. As a recurring dream, knowing the ending, means the fear builds straight away.

Plot and characterisation

You know right away that this is a dream. The man passing by the window could be quite innocent, yet you know he isn't. You've had the dream before.

Spelling and grammar

I saw no problems with either.

Overall Impression

Unless this was prompt led, maybe don't mention this is a nightmare; let people be surprised by the ending.

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48
48
Review of Nefertiti mummy  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am reviewing
 
STATIC
Nefertiti mummy  (E)
James finds a new index about Nefertiti mummy.
#2210541 by K.HBey
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

First I would like to thank you for using a decent size font. I could tell immediately that English is not your first language. The archaeologist is searching for information that may have been missed. The details of that search were difficult to follow. Look in detail at your sentence structure.

Plot and characterisation

It is difficult with flash fiction to create much of a plot or to develop your character. We did learn that James is elderly.

Spelling and grammar

This is were the problems lie. Your spelling is fine but you need more practise with English grammar. I don't like to criticise; if I attempted to write in French you would not understand much either.

Overall Impression

Keep it simple. Use basic sentences to tell your stories until you are more confident with English sentence structure.

Bon Chance

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49
49
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing
 The astral collection  (E)
flash fiction about a little girl that astral travels and brings back something
#2178291 by AnaStar
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

A short piece but very charming. I would love to see the child's collection. This could turn into a much longer work if there was one special piece in the collection that just had to be returned.

Plot and characterisation

The plot is straight forward; the child astral projects/flies and comes back with momentos. Worried parents try to keep her safe in her bed. Character development is not really possible in flash fiction.

Spelling and grammar

I see no problems in this area

Overall Impression

I see this as the start of something, if you want to take it there.

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50
50
Review of A Small Death  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing
STATIC
A Small Death  (E)
She lies in sleep ... (Form: English Sonnet)
#1986852 by 🌓 HuntersMoon
as part of "Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party" 

Initial Impressions

Yes, I understood it. So much poetry just goes over my head. I think you are talking about sleeping and dreaming. This is someone tempted to remain in that dream state.

Spelling and grammar

Thank you for including details of the form used. So many poets fail to do so. I am a product of an English 1960s education; we weren't taught these things. I see no spelling problems and the shortened words (eg. mem'ry) are appropriately written.

Overall Impression

Your experience shows. Your work is a good example to the newer poets on WDC.

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