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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Review Requests: ON
440 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of The Twenty-Nine  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Although this story is set in the future it is not far from what is happening today. Great swathes of land have been given over to agriculture and upset the ecobalance. There are references back to things that happened in Scotland and Ireland in the 18th century but also to the eco warriors of the seventies and eighties.

This would make a great start to a novel.


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127
127
Review of The Castle Dragon  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a stand alone piece it doesn't really work; too many questions are left unanswered. As a vignette from a much longer piece it is charming. I feel we need to know more about place and time to fully understand. There is no word count shown but I don't think it is close to the 1000 word limit. A little more information could have been written in.


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128
128
Review of Meeting  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Are we talking vampires here? I am not up on the latest YA offerings but could this be connected to the Twilight series? It is always difficult looking at a chapter in isolation. This does have a beginning, a middle and an end but there is very little character development. Maybe I need to read the previous chapters?


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129
129
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am not sure I follow the thread of your plot points. The dream, I presume, is some sort of prediction. But what is the map? Where does it come in? Who is Van Rossum? Obviously you know the answers but maybe a little more detail would keep you on track.

The research about Native Americans, early settlers and caves suggests something haunting as does the second plot point. Is this spectral aspect part of the story?


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130
130
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
There is a surprising amount of detail in such a short piece. It is a complete story yet it is open to becoming something a lot longer. It builds a vivid picture of the girl and her situation. There are some questions left open but they are not needing an answer.


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131
131
Review of X Marks The Spot  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A simple tale well told. It is true that treasure is not always of intrinsic value. As the poem says - to each his own. You did well to include the given word list. This type of prompt is not easy. Well done for finding the alternative meaning of posy. I had to look it up.


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132
132
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Although there are good ideas here it is more of a synopsis than a story. You have no characters leading the story forward. If you turned each paragraph into a chapter, established your main characters and the narrative voice you could build this into a novel. As it stands it goes against the rule of 'show, don't tell.'


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133
133
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It seems like you were in somewhat of a frenzy when you wrote this. I can indeed identify with the feeling. I do most of my writing at night; at least the best stuff. There are fewer distractions at two in the morning and as my brain is in overdrive anyway I use it.

Even when I am not writing I am writing; in my head, scenarios running around like maniacs, merging into one another, keeping me awake.


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134
134
Review of Breaking the Seal  
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: E | (4.0)
I knew immediately that you were talking about a security seal as used with bonded goods and high value cargo. However, it has been known for seals and other creatures to be transported by truck so the confusion is possible.

You need to re-read your story and check that it is how you intended. There are a few places were words appear to be missing.

I thought your story was very funny. Have you thought about entering
FORUM
The Comedy Club Contest  (18+)
A Contest For The Funny Side Of Life. CLOSED
#1965952 by GeminiGem­čÉĺ
?


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135
135
Review of Dees Cesar  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think your tale is quite funny. It is the grammar and punctuation that are not quite spot on although some might be typos. First line phone or phones? Second line 2500 office(s).Missing speech mark after mind.

Third paragraph try:

"His name is Dee, right," my husband said.
"No, his name is Cesar."
"No, he answered the phone with his first name, his last name is Cesar," my husband said.(argued/insisted)
"No, his first name is Cesar, his last name is Salazar," I replied.

ETC.
Each speech should start a fresh line to show a different speaker. And try using alternatives to said.


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136
136
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love your anachronistic take on the bible. I have my doubts about the veracity of many of the tales within. OK, some of the jokes were a bit lame and as a Brit you lost me with the baseball stuff. Overall though, I thought it was very funny.

I saw no obvious problems with spelling or grammar.

** Image ID #1966130 Unavailable **


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137
137
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am not a religious person but I can appreciate other's belief. What I struggle with here is that you say that you have been a people pleaser, doing things for others and neglecting yourself. You want to change this. Yes, you have turned to your beliefs for guidance but surely following those beliefs will lead you into more of helping people and neglecting yourself.

I have been a people pleaser, a do gooder, a faithful friend who everyone can rely on. But now my health has suffered as a consequence of putting others first. I have had to learn to say that magic word 'NO'.


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138
138
Review of The Copper Kettle  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A simple tale with familiar characters told in a few words.

Typos I spotted:
when we can use the Enterprise create on." - to (create) one.

... trade items over there," he pointed to the center of the room. - who pointed?

Ten minutes to beam down the salt? Really?

Spock hand the kettle to his mother. - handed

I like the idea that the copper kettle has saved two races and stopped a war.





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139
139
Review of Salty-Kisses  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem. Having been married to two sailors I can hear their voices in these words. There is a certain cockiness in the way sailors approach their women. This is reflected in the poem. I am glad you have put your grandfather's poem on WDC. It gives the perspective of a different generation.


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140
140
Review of End Of The Line  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like this free poem about a suicide. All though it is not rhyming verse it does have a certain rhythm. You capture the inevitability of someone determined to end their life.

One little hiccup; third line, through the souls of my naked feet. Should it be 'soles' or was this deliberate?


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141
141
Review of Chicken Dance  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your chicken dance but it seems incomplete. You have your portions, you make your stock; what then? I can smell the frying bones and veg. Taste the stock, season, then what? You drink the wine but then you forget to eat. I'm hungry. Put down the bottle and get on with it!


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142
142
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am presuming that Jacob has a disability as he is still in diapers when of school age. I like the way he sought revenge on his sister for her ridiculing of him. The first paragraph is a bit long and who is Jaime? Is this a typo or is their a character I don't know about?


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143
143
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have built up quite a good sketch of your character Volusia. You could maybe have presented her with certain challenges and decided how she would act in order to develop her further. Maybe you have done this elsewhere.

I am not sure the class system had developed in prehistoric times. And France as such would not have existed.


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144
144
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I thought this was hilarious. I am sure I have met a few of THEM myself. Although I have never sold a home I can feel for your wife. I like the way you use glasses of wine as a counter. You don't say if you were successful with your sale. If I had the money ...


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145
145
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This works very well as an introduction to a course. It clearly states the thoughts and expectations of the tutor. It explains his beliefs on the subject. It outlines the process students will be going through.

I am not sure I agree with your saying that 'You can give the lessons a lick and a kiss and learn a little or make an investment and learn a lot. Regardless of how much, you'll improve as a writer and the degree is a function of what you put into it.' This may give the student permission to slack off.




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146
146
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I can tell by the staccato sound of this piece that it is flash fiction. I like the imagery of the dog's behaviour. I have a dog and this is very real. They eat anything don't they? I can imagine your character having trouble adjusting to city life after a rural upbringing. I have had the reverse.

My college was in a rural location and the silence was deafening.


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147
147
Review of Trial  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
For so few words you have said so much. You have a good balance of action to dialogue. It is easy to visualise both the fight and the black cat that was once a woman. I was recently criticised for using elipses to break up speech but here I feel it is appropriately used.


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148
148
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think your story idea is a good one. The first chapter is well written. It is not long enough to call it a chapter, maybe a prologue. In this part of the story you have captured the feelings of your character quite well. If you apply the same to the rest of your story it should work out well.


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149
149
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really like this story. Spooky but not a bit scary. You have taken the history of a real person and created a piece of fiction which I am sure Hazel would enjoy if she was still around.

You handled the snow storm and Bill's fate with great clarity. Enough to give you the shivers. And I like that you rounded things off with further reference to his painting.


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150
150
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Surely it should be climbed out rather than walked out of the vehicle. 'Are you can pay it all off?"' Couple of words missing I think. This is obviously part of a longer story and does not quite stand alone. It is currently too short to be a chapter.

The two parts seem a little disjointed as they stand. The first section gives the impression that the money is for gambling. I think you need to add considerably to this section. Describe what it felt like to go to the bank for such a large loan. Show us the building, the teller.

The second section is much stronger. Continue in the same style and you will be well on your way.


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