|I know I asked for more input from you before reviewing this item, noting you have wanted to succeed at contest writing with your poetry. With blinders on, I will look at this poem you have linked in hopes that I can offer some advice for improvement. Hopefully, I will be able to critique your work in a way that will satisfy.
The poem is mid-length with longer than normal lines, each spaced apart. Poems that have verses are blocked in groups of lines, or have no spaces at all until the end, as with free verse poetry. I would say a reader might take one look at this before reading and feel a bit intimidated.
You begin with a good narrative style, speaking to someone when you create a mental image with the first line (your hook to grab a reader):
Oh! you're here, with the "new year" banner in hand
I found this introduction good (made me think of baby new year) and you have tempted me to read on and discover what will happen next (I'm going to remove spacing between lines to show how you can create verses out of this.):
Question is, for how long, here you're going to stand!
You ran five decades, right before my eyes
One year adding more, if I don't want to lie.
Your race begun with the time the earth is made
All the things you melt down and all that now in your head.
I wonder what you are ? can't you rest in peace?
Don't you have an occasion or holiday, don't you want a release!
Actually, who you are? A friend or an enemy?
Here I'm writing, you read it better, the list of your felony !
Remember? once I was a little boy, you can't deny the truth!;
You took away all the days and every joy of my youth.
You took the things away, with what I was happy
I see you always dictate, it ain't a bigotry?
You were always bad for me, you made me cry ;
I gave you seven oceans, all the tear drops of my eyes.
What you did, all my life, why? just tell me why?
Why that enmity you created? Only to make me cry?
Now I've a question in mind, about whom I loved the most
Tell me, where she stays now, I wanna know it at any cost.
You just keeping hiding her, somewhere in this earth
Tell me she is in which city? Washington, Seoul or Perth?
You know my eyes in search, all the earth, in every corner
Why I'm being punished for? I delayed to tell I love her?
O.K., it's my mistake, I confess, won't talk about this anymore
I will give you few more tears, but keep her safe and secure.
I have still, a lot more things to ask, to listen from you.
Why you took away my little sister, who just born new?
You knew I love babies, but you kept my lap empty,
My life almost eaten up, you see? how much you greedy!
You took them all, time, in a circle I grew up
Now that I see you are, 'life' in name, but a bluff !
O.K., whatever you are and whatever you're gonna say,
I don't have much, the price you ask, I can't afford you to pay.
I want you to make a pledge, only at least for me
I shouldn't have asked you this if I had such key.
Running and running all the time, never want to rest,
Hope you will stop for a while, I think, it will be the best!
Would you please stop running, when my time be on end?
I'll say the world ,"Goodbye!", that's all, ...my friend!
Start then your new journey, restless in your way,
Please dear, make a pledge, say, something say!
There seems to be some natural places to make verses out of this. The language is awkward, perhaps because English is not your native tongue. I see potential with this, though. It seems like a personal subject and one I would not attempt to show how to edit. I think it would take a lot of worth to improve just because of the length and the sensitive theme introduced, so personal to the author, with respect.
My suggestion is to start with something new around 12 lines in length. You could even experiment with Haiku, the basis for many free verse styles. If you look it up, there is a basic game you can play with the words from how many syllables to use and how the last of the three lines reflects on the word pictures created in the first two lines.
I would say I cannot help you further with this particular poem, which I am sure is very special to you. Preserve it in your heart.
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