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551 Total Reviews Given
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151
151
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
From the restrictions placed on this free verse poem, you did very well. It is a searching sort of work seeking but not finding, desiring but not having.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The words were poignant to me, a sense of loss and regrets.


Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to use a larger font size since some of the words are so similar.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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152
152
Review of a day in the rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I had a lovely time reading this verse. The rain and water are always a wonder to me, so many forms so many qualities of cleansing, cleaning, tasting, etc. I feel the almost deep primal nature of what water is to all living things.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I really enjoyed some of your descriptions:

"the taste clear and salty on its way down my throat.
my blood calls out in a steady beat"

also

"My hair is a river down my back,
my feet are bare—my toes squelch
with mud and bruise the grass."

These are base emotional feelings and emotions dealing the most Nature in Her glory.

Grammar
"I smell the glow of spring", fascinating concepts put together in one verse.


Suggestions:
I think "Storm" or a similar word would sound better than "Thunderhead"... tighten up the image a bit and flow better.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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153
153
Review of Gamblin' Fred  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This is a cute ditty. Amusing to imagine him cheating with eyes on the back of his head. Only to lead to a errrr... DEAD end.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
This was a simple poem yet the images are vivid without being specifically stated. I imagine the eyes peeking through the hair, peering at other people, guessing their intent. Then I visualize a wooden box with the booted feet sticking out the end. (rather grim, I know)

Grammar
I saw no grammar errors, though I did look up 'till" to make sure it was the correct version of the word... it was.


Suggestions:
I think that the second stanza would better sound with "WHO had eyes in THE back of his head" It seems to slot into the poem better. Was this a traditional style of a poem?


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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154
154
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This was a very powerful, emotional piece. You feel helpless and hopeless about the state of our country because of the political turmoil and your own ability to do anything at all about it. I was stirred by those feelings you shared because I feel exactly the same way. I don't watch the news, I am not politically active because of the viciousness I see and I don't want to be a part of something that volatile.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
You were quite descriptive.
"The world they describe is vibrant and full. Joys, horrors, beauty, and pain."
and
"Without meaning and worth, the ensuing strife Drains me and draws me into a pit Of dense
darkness, in which I sit."
Powerful words that pull me along to read more. I didn't at first want to keep reading. Until I saw that part about 'ensuing strife drains', then I was hooked.


Suggestions:
I think you wrote well to describe your situation. The only real suggestion I have is to make it a bit tighter. What I mean is this:

#1 "Quickly arises a yearning for purpose" might make better flow if you say, "A yearning quickly arises for purpose". The original phrase stumbles when you read and say it.

#2 "Sitting in stillness, is a battle which is hard to be won." This is quite a difficult phrase to say and read., Perhaps you could say something like, "I sit in the stillness in a battle which yearns to be won."

Your entire poem is very deep, brooding, and full of messages. The nice thing about poetry is that you can write without all the filler words that make real sentences.

Example:
'The couple found a tiny town that had a safe place in a stable with a bed made of a manger where the laboring mother gave birth to her baby, thank goodness no one complained about the rude setting!'

can be spoken thus:

"A tiny town had a place
be it ever so humble
a manger was the birthplace
but no one would grumble"


Thank you for sharing your poem. If you do edit this, I would be happy to read this again. Write On!

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155
155
Review of Purity  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This work immediately made me feel love and safe feelings. I felt protected.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The imagery was terrific in this short poem, "Colorful butterflies dance in golden sunbeams". You provided visual and auditory imagery that was perfect.


Suggestions:
I have no suggestions, this was written well.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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156
156
Review of Out of Control  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This was totally funny, caught in the act red-handed, he was. You can hear the consternation, indignation he is feeling... the changing moods as he works through the implications of his 'sin'.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I loved this line..."Uhh, Ma? About that box of jelly doughnuts..." talk about the whole thing in a nutshell!



Suggestions:
No suggestions, this was about perfect.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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157
157
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I liked the upbeat attitude over overcoming adversity and trying again if there is a failure. "Life on Life's Terms" is a favorite saying of mine. This piece takes that accepting what comes at you to work at it again, is really positive type of statement.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
It is a nice rhyming piece with a good solid impact.


Suggestions:
I have no suggestions your work stands for itself.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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158
158
Review of Golden Breeze  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
my overall impression was a light-hearted declaration of love, the font lends well to this romantic piece.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I like the rhyming and the easily read verses. I like the "feather light wind" and the "golden breeze". It is a pleasure to read and I found no harsh or rough areas.


Suggestions:
I have no suggestions, this was a well-written poem.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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159
159
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
As I read this I can feel her anticipation at first. Then the doubt about her success as a person starts creeping back in. In the end, she makes takes a drastic step, almost like a bride on her wedding day, that totally ruins her desired image.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The image I have of her is a pale well-shaped woman who steadily hates her appearance and suddenly unexpectedly goes to a tanning parlor and ruins her party.


Suggestions:
You might want to go over your work and check the punctuation.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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160
160
Review of The Outcast  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
my overall impression is one of a person who is trying to do the right thing, to help a school companion. It is wonderful he can see good qualities in a person who has little respect from anyone else.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
This is a straightforward explanation of the qualities of another young person in the school. The willingness of a companion interested in being a friend.

Grammar


Suggestions:
I believe that there needs to be more description of the setting and the people involved to round out the story.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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161
161
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
My main impression is gluttony and adventure if those two concepts can belong to the same idea. Eating new foods is a way of venturing into other cultures while being safe and comfortable. But eating can be harmful if taken to an extreme. Especially with unusual spices and food ingredients.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
My pleasure with this poem is the ability to imagine and taste what is being written as though I were there. I am a 'foodie' as it seems to be termed these days, and I really enjoy my variety of foods.
I also liked the rhyming in this work, it adds to the structure of "listing" food someone may want to try.



Suggestions:
I think a little explanation of each food (with fewer choices listed) would be fun to read. Maybe the unusual ingredients or sorts of preparations could be expanded upon.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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162
162
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
As I read this poem, I see a changing perception of how things look to an innocents' eyes. The feeling of anticipation and excitement is carried within the words but yet not spoken aloud. Very nice.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
Tinsel-twinkle, great combination of nouns. They completely change the nature of the poem when combined with the child.


Suggestions:
Is "glister" a word? You might want to check the spelling. Also maybe use the word 'into' instead of "when it". Those are just suggestions to tighten up the read.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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163
163
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Upon reading this work, I felt the helplessness and the hopeless feelings that the author was putting out there. I can't say what it felt like personally, I wasn't born then, but I can feel empathy and distress at the brutality of the time. My impression is that there is hope for a better future even after a brutal and meaningless beginning.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
Your words were well chosen, I SAW the 'strange fruit' hanging in the trees, I saw the rioting with spitting protests. I very much appreciated your work, it made me think and feel feelings I haven't quite done before.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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164
164
Review of And Then  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
The immediate impact your words had on me was blurry and troubled, hazy. And then the reality hit 'I had nothing'. If I am numb with shock from losing everything, DO I feel?

Then when I got used to the idea I have nothing and I AM feeling shock-y, you hit me again with I lost everything a second time! What in the hell am I going to do, do I even WANT to do anything!

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The words provoked a strong emotional response of almost despair, at having to start over just to find out I lost it AGAIN! How cyclical is this? NOW I am a glutton for punishment!

"put it all on me
and me
and me
and me."
These lines make me feel the repetition of the events and wonder why they can't stop.

Grammar
I found no errors.


Suggestions:
I think in the last stanza when you say
"When you lose everything,
do you still feel
something?"
Perhaps you can substitute the word ANYTHING for 'something'. To me, that kind of tightens up your meaning.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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165
165
Review of Haiku for you!  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poems on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading them and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Poem one: Summer Sun
My immediate thought on reading this was a rapid emotional response to "my God it's hot" to "thank God it's cooling down." I felt the irritation that I start to feel when my environment isn't suiting me well. :)
Poem Two: Silent Snow
Meanwhile, I am also reading #2 which gives me a totally opposite posture of calm and serenity. A "Blanket" that suggests rest and relaxation, an unhurried pose of Day culminating into a restful Night.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
Poem one:
Your words brought an immediacy to my perception and hurried movement from one feeling to another. The heat is too much, it is BLAZING. It packs a major punch in tone. The clouds aren't here but, Man, when they do arrive changes are coming!

Poem Two:
I had no feelings of urgency with this one. Your words paint a picture of silently falling snowflakes and a muffled quality of sound that feels like blankets. I love Haiku, I love poetry to try and come up with the strongest flavor of images and sensation that I can evoke. You do that for me, and its quite lovely.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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166
166
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your work on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This was a casual non-hurried depiction of the birth of the Son of God in Christian Mythos. There is no religious fervor, there are no frantic mouthings to take away from this simple pleasurable rendition of the event. Quiet questions are asked for each of us to answer for ourselves.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The words flowed well, with no hiccups or rough phrasing to detract from the overall piece. Smoothly proceeding from a basic story with a quiet proclamation at the end. Lovely.


Suggestions:
I really enjoyed your rendition of this event. I feel that a little more detail about the hardship of traveling in those times, how it was a rough journey, what MADE it hard.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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167
167
Review of Drifting Echoes  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
My first impression is a formal simple ritual of the taps in the morning mists. I always feel a skipping of my heart when they are played.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I feel the poignant sorrow through your descriptions and the 'sound' of taps. It makes me think of the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Grammar
I think you made a grammatical error and said "IF those who survived" when you might have meant OF those who survived.


Suggestions:
I don't have any suggestions because this was a strong composition and made me feel the regret and pride that people defend our country at the risk of their own lives.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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168
Review of Comic's Lament  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This WAS funny when I read it, I liked the rhyming and pun-nishment. When nothing else works, pratfalls do (even verbal ones).

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I think this is an amusing light comedy where the author has attempted the High Forms of Literature (ie. Shakespeare) only to come down a bit to the common man.


Suggestions:
I think I would have enjoyed this more if you had kept to a standard limit of syllables per line.. say 8 or 9.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!


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169
169
Review of Two Parachutists  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I took this as a Sensation for the Big Apple... that is like the INfamous Orwellian Mars Invasion radio show. I am not sure if everyone was after the parachutists because they might be injured or because it was illegal to parachute in city limits (I am not sure if it is or is NOT legal, just making supposition) and they needed to be apprehended.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
This poem sounded to me like a sort of news story in the middle of a poem. It is neat regardless of what it is. I was captivated and read the whole thing several times. I also liked the rhyming, that rigidity is what tended to make it sound like a news story.


Suggestions:
I have don't have suggestions because you told a good story and I found no grammatical errors.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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170
170
Review of In My Heart  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This is clearly the mourning of a new (or seemed to be) widow. She wonders why her, why him... that there is no rhyme or reason for his death. Unfortunately, there is rarely a cause, it simply happens. When Thanatos chooses his mark, there will be death that follows. Quite a lovely poem.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The descriptions of their time together are sweet and poignant.

Grammar
There are a few times when a verse or line could be tightened up for more artistic impact:
"And here I must stay.
Without my love, without my life." Would perhaps read better "and here I must stay, without my love, my life" This makes the words flow better. Several places could use some pruning for better word flow.


Suggestions:
Artistically I see no need to change ideas or images, but I do think it would be easier and more dramatic to read if you pruned down the poem as suggested.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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171
171
Review of Art  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I really liked how you made it clear that Art is NOT just a specific activity limited to specific people. Each person who creates something new (quilt, poem, painting, drawing, music, etc) IS an artist. They each have that love of letting their imagination take them where they will.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I love how these lines describe each artists' feelings about what they do and how deliberate or random it can be and still be art.

Grammar
There are no errors that I saw.


Suggestions:
You created a very compact, yet creative poem that requires no further work, in my opinion.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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172
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Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I can feel the anticipation that you are writing about. It is a crisp beautiful night and Christmas is near, that time when family and friends can get together to celebrate and feel gratitude for all the years' blessings. Each of your sentences supports this anticipation.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I like your imagery, glittering snow, frozen halo, wild white terrain, etc. For some reason, I feel warmth not cold when I read this, very strange really. (This is just my opinion)

Grammar
You were remiss in some punctuation, periods, that sort of thing. When you complete an idea even if it is in stanzas, you need to use punctuation to usher on the reader. Example "Placidity hangs heavy in the somber midnight air" There needs to be a . = period here. You might also want to check your capitalization... it isn't always consistent.


Suggestions:
Other than the punctuation I suggested you check, this was a heartfelt well-written piece.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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173
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This is a definite description of how the world will go down if nothing is changed in how we manage our resources. I agree with all you say here. I am afraid of the future that this piece foretells.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The imagery is strong and evident. It takes little imagination to see where we are headed.


Grammar
I am not sure what the 'glistening spheres' are in that first stanza. Are they TEARS?


Suggestions:
You might want to rework some of the parts of the poem because it sounds forced to make it rhyme.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/226...
and
https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/226...

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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174
174
Review of Hope's Dawn  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This is a whipsaw sort of work going from hopes to disappointments; striving or failure. That actually is not bad, keeps the reader on their toes. I mostly got verbally/mentally stuck on "will this be the year..."

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
Your descriptions are good, "new dawn", "hope rises", "bright above the horizon", etc. I read lovely images in those phrases. Mostly, the phrases encourage us (as the audience) to keep on trying.

Grammar
I see no errors in the grammar.


Suggestions:
I liked how you said, "will this be the year?" as well as "yesterday's shattered resolutions". This makes me think of New Year's Day and the Resolutions that seem to be more prominent then. "The secret to make our souls happy" doesn't fit, really. Perhaps rephrasing it a bit to continue with the resolution theme would make it more fitting?

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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Review of EARTH  Open in new Window.
Review by Sherasi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found your poem on Read & Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I like spare to-the-point poetry at times. To use that kind of format, one needs to use the best words that can be chosen with an idea that continues to the end. Not happening here.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I find this piece to have very little flow in words or ideas. I can appreciate the attempt to create a work in this senryu format. Unfortunately, the attempt failed, in my opinion. Here are my reasons for saying that.

         #1 you named a specific planet which means you will need to follow with words that reflect the characteristics of that world.
         #2 "round" is the direct statement that is incorrectly describing the shape of this world. "Sphere" might have worked, the actual description would be 'oblate spheroid'.
         #3 Nomad in space could have easily led to the theme that living beings on earth could also be "nomadic". Home to lifeforms could be worked into migrating herds and bands of animals and people.
         #4 which will perish next? That is totally unrelated to anything else in the poem.


Grammar
Grammar was well done.


Suggestions:
I suggest you think of an idea from beginning to end, write brain-storming words and ideas. Think of something that is important to you and evolve it from there.
I am going to give you three stars. But, if you rewrite this work, ask me to review it and we can work on it together.


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

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