|Hi The creative romatic !
This is my review for "A mythic tale." [E].
What a fun exercise! I did something like this once when I was in school. I'm a big fan of Greek mythology, so I enjoyed reading this very much!
Some of your descriptions are very well-written! In few words, you can tell so much! I particularly liked these two:
The sickly man laughed larger than he appeared he would. Like a giant, not a withered old man.
In the next life they found one another as soul-mates should.
You manage to use many of the main Greek gods in this short story, and you do fairly well in explaining who they are to the reader.
I loved that, like many Greek myths, this one seemed to have a message, of the eternal bond of love and the importance of keeping lovers together. Nice job!
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)
an ordinary village not to far from the coast.
The word "to" is misspelled. It should be too
wouldn't harm a soul.She had silky, wavy, hair of auburn,
A space needs to be inserted after the period, and you don't need the comma after "wavy."
and wore a equally pale tunic.
"A" should be "an."
opposite.He had light hair,
A space should be placed after the period and before the start of the next sentence.
captured the couples souls
I believe an apostrophe needs to be added couples' souls
He took then them to the banks of the River Achron.
This sounded a little confusing to me. I think you meant "He took them then," but those similar sounding words sound strange placed so closely together. Perhaps you could consider rewording it? Something like, "He then took them to the banks of the River Achron."
"How dare Zeus and Death take away my two of my charges!"
I think the first "my" in this sentence may be a typo.
A pair of cherub like wings floated by her.
I believe "cherub like" should be hyphenated cherub-like
"Don't fret pet. There will be other patrons to worship you." Her husband Eros said playfully.
I believe a comma should be placed after "fret." Also, the period after "you" should be a comma and "Her" should not be capitalized "Don't fret, pet. There will be other patrons to worship you," her husband Eros said playfully.
"What a tremendous waste," She sighed.
"She" does not need to be capitalized.
For me, I thought there could have been a better title. "A mythic tale" would work very well for your description, but perhaps you could consider changing the title, perhaps even "Theama and Cloytus."
I believe your rating is fine for this piece, and your genres are appropriate for the story.
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
In the intances I mentioned above, you do very well in creating descriptions with very little words. There were a few instances where I felt less words would have been more effective. For instance:
One thing that they were oblivious to was that they were being protected and watched
For me, using "Little did they know" or "Unbeknownst to them" would have worked far more effectively than "One thing that they were oblivious to was" Just my opinion.
You may want to reread through this story, particularly you may want to read it aloud, to catch the few places where your story is a bit wordy.
Also, it would be a great help to your readers if you were to insert extra spaces between paragraphs. On this site, it can make the story difficult to read as it is.
Although you describe some of the characters well enough to know who they are in Greek mythology, it is my worry that those not familiar with it will not know who many of the characters are. It is hard for me to know, though, since I am familiar with Greek mythology. You may want to find someone who is not familiar with Greek myths, and ask their opinion on this. For me, it seems like you introduce a great many characters in a short amount of time, and I worry that some may have trouble keeping them straight. Just my suggestion.
3.5 - This is a great start to a really wonderful mythic story! You have a natural talent, I believe, for concise, yet detailed description. I think you need to edit this a bit, but I believe you have a really great story in the making here! Please let me know if you make changes so I can read it again! Thanks for sharing this!
Keep on writing!
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