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I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.
I'm good at...
attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!
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Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion, Sports
Favorite Item Types
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I will not review...
There is very little I won't review. Try me! *Smile*
Public Reviews
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Review of Comeuppance  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there Mals

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Comeuppance


Overall Thoughts:

This has a nice rhythm to it. I also liked the twist in this. I enjoyed how the tone and wording seems to change in this poem. For me, the first half is sing-songish with more traditional love poem imagery. Then it twists into a more personal tone which I liked very much.

I loved this line:

So punish me with déjà vu

Awesome! *Bigsmile*




Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


*Bullet* I have to say that I enjoyed the second half of the poem a lot more than the first half. Until the phone call, I had a lot of trouble concentrating on what was being said, as I felt distracted by the forced rhyme. Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of rhyme, but for me, the second half of the poem is so much more successful. It has rhyme, but my focus was on the words being used and the images being conveyed. To me, the first half of the poem felt like a list of forced rhymes. This is just my opinion as one reader. *Smile*

*Bullet* I would also suggest adding spaces between stanzas. Your rhyme scheme shifts a few times, which is perfectly fine, but it would have been easier for me to follow the shifts if there were spaces in between them.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - I liked this very much. For me, the second half of the poem really captures the speaker's tone and voice, but overall, I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for sharing it!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Just deserts  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there Just an Ordinary Boo!

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Just deserts


Overall Thoughts:

Clever tale, and kudos to you for writing a 55 word story! Those aren't easy!

I like that this clearly tells a story, and that it has clear, distinct characters. Great use of dialogue and punctuation! I also loved the end! *Laugh*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

In the item's title Just deserts
desert - arid land
dessert - treat following a meal

I believe "just desserts" is the common phrase, I wasn't sure if you used the other word intentionally.


*Bullet* I don't see anything that warrants the 13+ rating. I believe E would be fine here. (For an explanation of the Content Rating System, see "Content Rating System (CRS) [13+])

*Bullet* For genres, you could consider using "Business" and/or "Comedy" for this. Listing stories with genres could attract more readers as they browse those genres. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Great job with this 55 word story! Thank you for sharing this.

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
Hi there morrningstarr

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Internet Connection


Overall Thoughts:

What I like most about this story is its pace. You explain everything in lots of detail, and the story moves along slowly, building suspense. I think you've got a great handle on what you want to say here, though I do think a little work needs to be done on how you're telling the story.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

*Bullet* You have a great deal of spelling, capitalizing and punctuation errors in this. I'll go over the first paragraph's errors here, but I must suggest that you run a spell-check on this yourself (Writing.com offers one - look for the black bar under the title of your item. Click "Spell" to run the spell-check program). You may also want to read this out loud. That's a good way to catch errors that your eye may glance over.

The birds chirpping making it impossible to lounge in bed.
chirpping *Right* chirping
I'm not sure "chirping" is the right word here. This sentence didn't read quite right to me. Perhaps, "The birds chirped, making it impossible to lounge in bed."
Just my thoughts.


She smiled as ahe thought of him again, her heart leaping.
ahe *Right* she


Every time she though of him her chest tightened and she felt like crying out into the world, but calm reserve kept her form doing so.It had been only Three weeks anyways, not Even enough for her to be feeling this way but she did and she loved it.
though *Right* thought
form *Right* from

The first sentence is a bit too long. As a general rule, you should keep to only one conjunction per sentence. Conjunctions are words like "and" and "but." Here you have two of them. You may want to consider revising, perhaps: Every time she thought of him, her chest tightened. She felt like crying out into the world, but calm reserve kept her from doing so.

There is a space missing between the last word of the first paragraph and the first word of the second paragraph *Right* so. It

Three *Right* three (no need to capitalize

Even *Right* even (no need to capitalize)

With the last sentence, again, you have two conjunctions:

It had been only Three weeks anyways, not Even enough for her to be feeling this way but she did and she loved it.

You have three complete thoughts here:

1. It had only been three weeks anyways, not even enough for her to be feeling this way.
2. She did.
3. She loved it.

To be gramatically correct, this sentence needs to be revised.


She smiled at the thought of one of there discusions and even blushed even though it was from a day when there thoughts were still pristene.
both "there"s here should be *Right* their (possession)
Also, you may want to consider taking out one of the two "even"s here since the repetition may stand out to the reader.


It would be the first of perhapse two or three that day
perhapse *Right* perhaps


feeling refreshed and enerjetic,but sitll just as nervouse.What if he didnt like
enerjetic *Right* energetic
nervouse *Right* nervous
There is a space missing between nervous and What *Right* nervous. What
didnt *Right* didn't


she pushed the tought aside
tought *Right* thought


she knew if she dressed to soon she would be a wreck
she *Right* She (First word of a sentence should be capitalized)
to *Right* too


It was a beutiful dress,perfect, she hoped she would look like the timeless classic the dress made her feel like.
beutiful *Right* beautiful

This is a run-on sentence. You may want to consider revising, perhaps: It was a beautiful dress, perfect. She hoped she would look like the timeless classic the dress made her feel.


She smiled as she thought about how its been so long since she'd wanted to dress up, had a reson,
reson *Right* reason
I'm not sure "its" is the right word here. The rest of the story is in past tense, so I think "it had been" would work better.


It was becoming later so as she finished her breckfast of blackberries,strawberries,and whipped cream followed by a glass of orange juice she called, needing to hear his voice, needing to know he was still safe.
breckfast *Right* breakfast


they made nervous idal chit chat
they *Right* They (needs to be capitalized)
idal *Right* idle


He had a sensitive heart, as it too had been broken to much.
to *Right* too


he had a kind soul,
he *Right* He


he had a very,big, brain, and he made her feel smarter just alowing her to use her's.
he *Right* He
alowing *Right* allowing
her's *Right* hers
No comma is needed after "very" and "big" *Right* He had a very big brain,


They had Long smart conversations
Long *Right* long (no need to capitalize


the future made her smile.
the *Right* The


she was shoked at how easily
she *Right* She
shoked *Right* shocked


it was ok to do so.She smiled
space needed between sentences *Right* to do so. She smiled


She smiled once more and let him go, she didnt want to distract him while he was driving, he just had to be safe.
didnt *Right* didn't

This is a run-on sentence. You have three statements connected with commas here:
1. She smiled once more and let him go.
2. She didn't want to distract him while he was driving.
3. He just had to be safe.

Commas don't connect independent statements like this in a gramatically correct sentence. You may want to revise, perhaps: She smiled once more and let him go. She didn't want to distract him while he was driving - he just had to be safe.


with one finaal thought to the soul traviling long miles to be reunited with hers she looked into the mirror and smiled, grabbed final articals to finish up plans and set out on her day.
with *Right* With
finaal *Right* final
traviling *Right* traveling
articals *Right* articles


*Bullet* I have to make a suggestion regarding the spacing of this. While there's nothing wrong with your spacing, very long paragraphs can be difficult to read on a computer, and it might turn away some of your potential readers. You may want to consider going back through this story and making your paragraphs a little shorter, to make it easier to read.



*Star*My Rating*Star*

1.5 - While I think you've got a great idea of how this story will work, this needs a great deal of technical work. You've done very well in creating a suspenseful and emotional romance. With some attention to technical details, this story will be a great one!

If you do revise, I'd be happy to reread and re-rate this item. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi there Mimzy

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Tell Me There's Still A Tomorrow


Overall Thoughts:

Very descriptive language! You paint quite a scene here! There's a lot of emotion here, and I think it's a subject matter with which many can relate. I also enjoyed the poetic language, the conversation between "I" and "him."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Its better when no one is there
Its *Right* It's (contraction of "It is")


*Bullet* Your verb tense shifts a bit in this. For instance, in the beginning:

What could she do? What other option did she have? She knew she was a terrible person; it just took someone to state what it was... She shakes, trembles in front of that person but they don’t see. They can’t see anymore. Everything she felt was gone
In the first three sentences, you have past tense, where action is happening in the past, with words like "could do" "did" and "knew." Then you switch to present tense with "shakes," "trembles," and "can't." Then you shift back to past tense, with "was."

This can be jarring to the reader, and can take them out of the story. You might want to consider going back over your story to make sure the tense stays consistent throughout the story.

*Bullet* In the second paragraph, you start with "I" out of nowhere. Is it the same "She" as being described in the first paragraph? I was slightly confused at this.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - A beautiful and touching story! Your writing is strong here. For me, it needs some structural work, but overall I enjoyed this very much.

Thank you for sharing your work! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of The Unknown  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there Alicia Thomas

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "The Unknown


Overall Thoughts:

I love the message in this! I think it's one that many people can relate to and identify with. The speaker comes across as someone who is knowledgable, sharing wisdom with the reader.

I like the formatting of this, with the lines centered, and I also liked the free verse form. I think it fits the subject matter very well. Also, great use of punctuation in this! It really affects the flow of the poem, and helps the reader through it.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

inticing you to draw nearer
I believe inticing should be *Right* enticing
Also, for me, this line would sound a little clearer if "nearer" were *Right* near
It's up to you, of course. *Smile*


*Bullet* My only other suggestion is in reference to the ending. For me, I would have liked to have seen more of a conclusion. At the end, you sort of re-state the beginning, which I like very much, but I wonder if you could add a few lines about the repercussions of the "you" turning away. Perhaps you could mention what the "you" person (or object of the poem) misses by turning away from the unknown. In the unknown is the potential for a lot of things, and I guess I wanted to hear that in the poem a little. Just my thoughts. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Very nice poem! For me, it could use just a touch more to be perfect, but I enjoyed reading this very much. Thank you for sharing it.

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Yia Yia's Mercies  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Artemisia

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Yia Yia's Mercies


Overall Thoughts:

Wow, this is just great! I love the imagery and description in this poem! I could really see, hear and smell everything described in this. I also identified with the speaker and felt connected to the words. Very well done!

I found the form and lack of punctuation and capitalization to fit the poem very well. For me, it focused my attention on the words and images being described.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I can't think of a single suggestion. This poem is perfect as it is!


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Perfect! Wonderful job with this. Thank you for sharing it.

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of UNknown !  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Luna Moon

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "UNknown !


Overall Thoughts:

Good rhyme scheme! I can understand very cleary your message in this poem, and the speaker's voice comes across clearly. Good use of WritingML to spice up the look of the poem!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

But Is it true?
I'm not sure if this is a typo, but I wasn't sure why Is was capitalized.


But I feeel thats false too!
feeel *Right* feel
since "thats" is a contraction of "that is" it should be *Right* that's


you say she's your evrything,
evrything *Right* everything


But you run to me intead.
intead *Right* instead


But nothings can get rid of the hurt.
nothings *Right* nothing


You say you lover her,
I think "lover" should be *Right* love


But the just my truth is
I wasn't sure what this line was saying. I think if it was "But my truth is" it would be clearer to the reader.



*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great work! I enjoyed this very much. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of THE END  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there Shea

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "THE END


Overall Thoughts:

I like how personal this poem feels. There are so many "I"s in it, and it took me until nearly the end to know exactly what you were writing about (college), so it felt like a very personal poem. I also like the repetition in this, and the lack of strict form or structure. It really felt natural, almost like dailogue, and it flowed well while I read it.


I loved this line:
I'm sure if I gave them a chance they would taste the same.

*Smile*

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

feelthe same,
a typo, I think. There is a space missing between "feel" and "the"


i will miss finding my core through a semesters worth of writing only to loser it and start all over again
i *Right* I
semesters *Right* semester's
loser *Right* lose


Three books; maybe i do the math:
i *Right* I



*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Good work, and a great poem! I enjoyed this very much! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there badykittyvegas

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "French Kissing & Not Telling


Overall Thoughts:

This starts out with really great description. I could clearly see everything you described, and the visuals pulled me right into the story. I could immediately visualize and identify with the characters, and you've done a great job in setting up this chapter. Well done!



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


*Bullet* The mild reference to alcohol requires a 13+ rating for this item.

*Bullet* I'd also suggestion using spaces between your paragraphs, as it makes the item a little easier to read. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Well written and intriguing! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Carousel  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there Jadedpisces

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Carousel


Overall Thoughts:

I loved this! I think poetry like this is truly meant to be read aloud for the full effect. You use such interesting word combinations and ideas in this. I think it would take several readings for me to fully appreciate all of this.

Great imagery! You use a lot of powerful language and vivid imagery to create a really cool feeling for the reader. Great job!



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Nonscence affections
I believe "nonscence" should be *Right* Nonsense


Fall back run on faireies
faireies *Right* fairies


the jist of it
jist *Right* gist


should that spek keep her going?
spek *Right* speck


Noone likes to look.
Noone *Right* No one


Its okay
Its *Right* It's



What happened to that carrosel
carrosel *Right* carousel


*Bullet* I would suggest rating this poem 18+ due to graphic language, and I think the intro should be rated Non-E. When an item isn't rated, it won't show up on public listing pages.

*Bullet* There were several places where I wasn't sure if you made up a word, or spelled it wrong on purpose. I'm not saying there's anything necessarily wrong with that, but I wanted to let you know that it made me pause constantly while reading this (which may have been intentional on your part). I do want to let you know that many people will have trouble reading this as it is, with its many spelling errors and creative plays on words.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - I enjoyed this very much. To me, it needs a little clarification, just a touch of clarity to help the average reader get through it.

Thanks for sharing your work! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Forever  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there Gothic tears

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Forever


Overall Thoughts:

I like how accusatory this poem feels. It's filled with "you" statements, with the speaker directly addressing the object of the poem. It's an interesting deviation from the hurt speaker poems I'm used to. This speaker doesn't dwell on being a victim, but instead attacks the abuser.

I also like how the poem starts with forever and ends with forever, yet it isn't the same type of forever. It created a nice sense of movement within the poem.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Forever i would wait he said
To be grammaticaly correct, the "i" should be capitalized. It's up to you, of course, but I know many people prefer capitalized Is.


what you havebeacome
havebeacome *Right* have become


you have been damed to live forever
damed *Right* damned


you will kill wothout a thought
wothout *Right* without


you will ba an outsider
ba *Right* be


thinking that there is know one for me
know *Right* no


*Bullet* This poem needs to be rated 13+ due to the use of "damned."

*Bullet* For me, I would have liked to see a little bit more visual description and imagery in this. Perhaps if you had several stanzas, each starting with a "you" accusatory statement, followed by emotional, vivid description. Of course, it's up to you, the writer, but I wanted to let you know my thoughts as a reader. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.0 - Good work! I enjoyed this a lot, and I think you've definitely got a handle on the message you want to convey. For me, the poem could use a little bit more work to be truly great, but I enjoyed reading it very much!

Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there FollyDreamer

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Falling in Love in Folly Beach, SC

Overall Thoughts:

What a beautiful and well-spoken tribute! I could really feel the emotion in this, and you present such wonderful imagery! I could really feel everything in this beach scene!

I like the rhyme scheme you've used here. It made the poem have a natural flow to it, making it enjoyable to read. *Smile*



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

*Bullet* I had a little trouble with the structure of the poem. It got difficult for me to determine the pauses and the rhythm of the poem, due to how you have it spaced. Instead of one long line:

Feeling the warm sand caress my feet, hearing the waves make their mark on the shores they beat.

Perhaps you could use quatrains (four-line stanzas) like this:

Feeling the warm sand
Caress my feet,
Hearing the waves make their mark
on the shores they beat.


There were a few places where commas made me pause, but it wasn't quite the right place to pause in keeping with the rhyme scheme.


*Bullet* While I like the rhymes you've created here, there isn't really a regular rhyme scheme, which also affected the rhythm of the poem. For me, the poem would flow a lot better if you stuck to a regular rhyme scheme. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - This is a beautiful poem with great visual language. For me, the structure of the poem could use a little work, but I enjoyed reading this very much.

Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Farmwork  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there HazelMarie

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Farmwork


Overall Thoughts:

This was so suspenseful! I loved it!!

You've got a gift for description! You do very well in describing tools and equipment to someone who is not familiar with them (like me). I could clearly see and feel everything you were describing. Great job! *Smile*

I loved when Jack starts thinking about the new preacher. It's such a stark contrast (seemingly) to what he's doing at the time. Nice touch!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

In the 7th paragraph: but there was little air movement in it’s dark, cave-like interior
I believe "it's" should be *Right* its


In the 10th paragraph: so that it’s crushing force gripped the iron securely.
again, it's should be *Right* its


*Bullet* I know it's not completely avoidable, but you use the word "he," especially to start sentences, an awful lot of times. I think perhaps if you read this aloud, you might find some instances where it is overused and could be replaced with another word or reworded to sound more natural.

*Bullet* What started as really great description made the story drag just a little for me. Describing every single thing Jack did in excruciating detail caused more suspense at first, but later in the story, I had trouble concentrating on the words. For me, it was just a little too much.

*Bullet* At the end, I had to wonder why. Why Marie? It wasn't explained, though perhaps that was intentional - who he chose wasn't important. Perhaps the drudgery of daily life got to him, which would also explain the tedious detail, emphasizing the same point. Still, I thought it was a tad too much detail, and I couldn't help feeling a tad dissatisfied at the end. Just my thoughts. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - This really is an excellent story. For me, there were a few small things that could use some work, but overall I enjoyed it very much!

Thanks for sharing this! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there charactersaver

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Shana's Return Flight


Overall Thoughts:

Intriguing beginning! I couldn't help but to continue reading. I wanted to know what happened next, and what this story was all about.

Your dialogue is realistic, and I loved the argument between Yujik and Shana.

The story was very interesting and unique to me. I've never read anything quite like it, with the fantasy elements of multi-dimensions, spirits, magic and swapping bodies.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

preferences towards woman in detail
I'm not sure, but it seemed like "woman" should be "women" here


*Bullet* It was a little difficult for me to understand everything, and although you gave an explanation at the end, after the story, I still had a tough time keeping up with everything going on here. It could be that I'm not used to this type of fiction, though. Just wanted to give you my thoughts as a reader. For me, I would have liked just a little more clarification during the story.

*Bullet* I also suggest you put extra spaces between the paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read. *Wink*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - I did enjoy this story very much, and I hope you'll continue writing. *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there ShaneShock

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Darke Universe: Section1: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3


Overall Thoughts:

I really like the opening dialogue. It caught my interest, as I wanted to know what they were talking about, and it also created a comical tone, as well as a conflict.

I also like the characters' names. Darke and Brista are not common names, which creates an adventure/fantasy element, yet the names are easy to pronounce, which makes the story more enjoyable for me.

Good, believable dialogue also makes the story easier to read and visualize.

I think your descriptions are great. You do well in describing the mining facility, the setting, characters, etc., in detail without boring the reader. Well done! *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

*Bullet* My only suggestion (other than to continue writing this intriguing story) is to put spaces in between your paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read that way. *Wink*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - I really enjoyed this! I hope you continue the story!


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Envy  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Coco Cashman

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Envy


Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* I love the first line! It's so direct, and the capital letters really emphasize each word. Nicely done!

*Bullet* Good use of alliteration! The repeated sounds in gold and glory and cold callused made the poem have a nice flow to it. I loved the sound of this poem.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

In the intro: The poem speaks for it's self.
it's self should be *Right* itself

*Bullet* You may want to list this as Poetry instead of Other. That way, it will be easier for people to find this if they're looking for poetry to read.

*Bullet* My only other suggestion would be to perhaps add more to this, create individual stanzas of verse. I liked reading this, and at the end, I found myself wanting more of it to read. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Good work! Thank you for sharing this.

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Close To Tears  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi The Tale of Adore♥ !

This is my review for "Close To Tears [E]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* I love the contrast in the first two lines. You've presented a quiet image of grass rustling in the wind, yet your speaker comments, "It seems quite loud today." That line creates an interesting conflict at the start of the poem. It caught my interest, and made me want to keep reading.

*Bullet* I loved this line:
Drown deep in him
So simple, yet filled with emotion!

*Bullet* Great form! I loved the free verse style to this poem. It felt like an outpouring of emotion from the speaker. Great choice of form!


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Great title!

*Bullet* Your ratings and genres are perfectly chosen for this poem. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to perhaps add a bit more punctuation in this. I had a difficult time in some spots, determining pauses and flow. I think punctuation can be an effective tool in helping a writer convey those things to the reader. Just my suggestion. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Wonderful poem! I really enjoyed this, and I can see why you won in a poetry contest with this!

Great job! Keep writing! *Smile*



Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi The Tale of Adore♥ !

This is my review for "The Abyss That Is You [13+]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item


Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* Such beautiful imagery, starting with the first line! I could see exactly what you described by Eyes blue like the sky on a warm summer's day Stunning!

*Bullet* I love the contrast between that line and the rest of the stanza. It goes from warm imagery, to "dark and cold," "frigid stare" and "frozen dreams." Wonderful contrast! And then it ends on warmth again. Nicely done!

*Bullet* Interesting rhyme scheme. The first two lines don't rhyme, but the last three do. This created an interesting flow to the poem for me.


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Love the title! I also loved the intro! Both captured my interest immediately.

*Bullet* Good choice of genres.

*Bullet* I don't see anything to make this rated 13+. I think it could be rated E, but that's up to you. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

*Bullet* I felt the contrast could have been played upon even more. You have one line of warmth, three lines of coldness, and one line that suggests warmth. For me, I would have liked to see a strong image with the last line like you had for the first. Your last line:
Though his heart she wishes to share
This just didn't pack the same punch as the rest of the poem, and it left me feeling disappointed a little bit. I know you can write strong and powerful imagery, so I think I was just surprised by this last line.

*Bullet* This poem felt a bit unfinished. You've done very well in conveying your message/theme to the reader, but it was done so quickly. I enjoyed your language and imagery in this so much that I really wanted more of it. Perhaps you could consider adding another stanza or two? *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Good poem and good writing! For me, this poem needs a little bit of work to truly shine, but I think you're a great poet! You have a talent for conveying emotion and imagery to the reader.

Thank you for sharing your work. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Love Scars  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi The Tale of Adore♥ !

This is my review for "Love Scars [ASR]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* I like the idea of this, that love can hurt, but true love shouldn't. Very interesting concept!

*Bullet* I like the irregular form of this and the converstional tone of the poem. It's like a private conversation between two former lovers, and the reader gets a glimpse of the emotions running between the two. Nicely done!

*Bullet* My favorite line:
We scraped and clawed at one another, words revealing our deepest fears,
This kind of language really strengthened the poem in my eyes, and made the themes and visuals stand out while I was reading it.



Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Great title and the intro let me know this was written for a contest.

*Bullet* Great choice of genres, and your ratings are perfect.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


*Bullet* To me, this poem was a little uneven, and perhaps that was your intention. It starts off with simple, straightforward language, like
When I met you, I fell so hard.
You wanted love, as I did too.


and then the imagery gets so much stronger, with more emotion and passion:
We scraped and clawed at one another, words revealing our deepest fears,
So desperate for the love yet, too afraid to be sincere.


For me, the second two lines worked so much better at conveying the emotion and feeling of the speaker. I'm not sure if it was your intention to shift the tone a bit, but it didn't work well for me. I would have liked to see the intensity of those second two lines throughout the poem. *Smile*


*Bullet* I also felt the poem could have been just a little longer. I felt like just as I was getting to understand the characters and voices in this, it ended. For me, I would have liked to see at least one more stanza. Just a suggestion. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - Good work! For me, this poem seemed a tad inconsistent (though I'm not sure if that was intentional or not), and it could have been a little longer, but I did enjoy reading it very much. Thank you for sharing your work!

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi The Tale of Adore♥ !

This is my review for "Shimmy and Roscoe [E]. This review is given in connection with "Invalid Item

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* I love the contrast in this, of comedy vs horror. The whole story has a bit of a creepy feel to it, with the darkness and blustery winds, yet the main character is having a one-sided conversation with her dog, which lends a comical tone to the entire piece. It made it really fun to read, and I had an instant connection with Shimmy and Rosoe.

*Bullet* Very interesting character names! They're unique and different, yet familiar enough to make them easy to read.

*Bullet* This story is very well-written, with good grammar and lots of visual details. I think you do well in engaging your reader with this. Everything is explained well, without being overdone, and the friendly tone to this really helps the reader connect with the story. Well done!


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Great title! It made me click on this item in your port, because I wanted to know what this story was about.

*Bullet* Ratings and genres are perfect! You could use the Animal genre if you wanted, too.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

*Bullet* This feels incomplete. According to your intro, you wrote this for a writing prompt challenge, but you also have this listed as "Short Story." For me, it just didn't feel like a complete story. This is a great beginning, one that captures the reader's interest immediately and engages the reader throughout. For me, though, it just didn't feel finished.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Good work! I'd love if you continued with this story, as I can't help but wonder what's going to happen next!

Thank you for sharing this! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review of Captive  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi The Tale of Adore♥ !

This is my review for "Captive [13+]. This review is being given in connection with "Invalid Item

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* This is so beautiful! I'm amazed at what you've done with three short lines! This conveys so much emotion. I loved it!

*Bullet* I think this poem truly shows that you can convey a great deal of emotion and passion in very little words, as long as those words are chosen carefully, like you have done here. I loved the use of the word "watch" in the second line. In this line, the word is being used to reference keeping watch, or observing, though the poem deals with time, so I liked that reference here.

*Bullet* I like the minimal use of punctuation. It really affects the poem, by emphasizing the simplicity of this. For me, the poem really showcases the range of emotion. On the surface, it can seem very simple (like this short poem), yet there is such a range of complexity involved with the emotion you've described here. Very well done! *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Great title and description!

*Bullet* I didn't see anything that required this to be rated 13+. I think the rating could be lower, but that's your call. *Smile*

*Bullet* Great choice of genres!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Drowning in loves painful watch
I think "loves" requires an apostrophe *Right* love's painful watch


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Wonderful job with this poem! I truly enjoyed this.


Thank you for sharing your work! Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Illyria !

This is my review for " Do you believe in ghosts? [E]. I found this poem while viewing the public reviewing page. Another review of the item sparked my interest, so I thought I'd check it out. I'm very glad I did! *Smile*

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* This is a great topic that I think almost everyone has an opinion on. Great universal topic!

*Bullet* I like how you set up your question, by giving your own thoughts on the subject. I like that you explain a bit how you come up with the terms "believer" and "deceiver."

*Bullet* Your use of WritingML makes the question stand out to the reader. Good job!

*Bullet* Mostly good choices. I like that you include, "I've seen something, but I don't think it was a ghost." I think you cover all possible choices.


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Great title! It's descriptive and telling of what's inside.

*Bullet* Your ratings and genres are well-chosen for the topic.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

something more then death.
then should be *Right* than


*Bullet* I got a little confused with the poll options. I wasn't sure the difference between "Yes, I believe!" and "Yes, I am a believer!" I don't believe you've distinguished that difference in your opening and question.

*Bullet* Also, I'm not so sure witches and ghosts can be easily lumped together like this. By witches, do you mean the classical sense or Wiccans? Are you asking if viewers believe magic is real? For me, magic and ghosts aren't quite the same thing. In the end, it's up to you, of course, but I wanted to let you know that I had a little bit of trouble with these two concepts being combined in one poll. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - A nice poll. I enjoyed this! Thanks for creating this poll. *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Brooke - reviewing !

This is my review for "The Talent Pond Group Items [E].

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* Wonderful set-up for this folder! I like the simple header, and the links to the monthly "catches." Like your forums, this is viewer-friendly and easy to navigate. Great job! *Smile*

*Bullet* Every item in this folder is just perfect! You've put a lot of work and effort into this group, and it shows! Thank you for letting me be a part of it for a short time! I'm so glad I was "caught!"

*Bullet* I love the Talent Pond logo on this folder! It's creative and beautiful! *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Title, ratings and genres are all perfectly suited for this folder. Well done! *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Absolutely perfect! *Bigsmile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Brooke - reviewing !

This is my review for "Are you giving quality reviews? [E]. I've emailed most of my thoughts on this piece, but I wanted to publicly review it and give it some shiny stars. *Bigsmile*

Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* I think you're a whiz at formatting and using WritingML to make items viewer-friendly. Although this offers a big chunk of information, you present it in a way that's easy to follow and holds the interest of your reader.

*Bullet* You link so many other useful items here! There were few that I wasn't aware of, so thank you!

*Bullet* I couldn't agree more with your statements in this (particularly: Reading is an important part of growing as an author.) I know that I've learned SO much as a writer being a part of this community (even more than I did in college, I think). Reviewing is really an invaluable part of this site!

*Bullet* I like that you also offer this item as "your thoughts on reviewing." Like all things, there are many valid opinions on writing, and you're not presenting this as "truth" or something like that. These are your thoughts based on your experiences with reviewing. That's the viewer-friendly aspect again! Reviewing can be a daunting thing for newer (or older) members, and I think you do well in presenting reviewing in a friendly, helpful way. *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* I like the title! It engages the reader and catches their interest.

*Bullet* Good choice of ratings and genres. (If you wanted to, you could also use Writing.com as a genre, though your choices fit very well)


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to add to this over time. As you learn more about reviewing and as your style may change, reflect upon that in your item. I know in my three years here, my reviewing style and thoughts upon reviewing have changed slightly, and I think it's good to think about that change.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Wonderful piece on reviewing! I think everyone can benefit from reading this! *Bigsmile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Ailannah Mathis !

This is my review for "Once Upon A Zombie Story [18+]. I found this item at "Please Review. With a title like this, I just had to read it! *Bigsmile*


Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* I love the opening line! You set up the story so well here. The word "Mission" implies some kind of military operation, and "violet orbs" suggests an "other world" kind of feel.

*Bullet* I love the bits of humor in this, too.
The reincarnated flesh-craving deviants had risen from the grave with the sole intent to make her day worse.
Calling the zombies "deviant" is a nice touch, too!

Vladimir the Short.
*Laugh* This made me giggle!

*Bullet* Great dialogue! Every word was believable, and I loved the interaction between the characters.

*Bullet* You also did a good job with characterization. I had a clear vision of each character and their personality.


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* I think the violence in this exceeds a moderate level, therefore it should be rated 18+. Also, your intro rating can be E (you have it marked as Non-E currently).

*Bullet* Love the title!

*Bullet* Good choice of genres, though with the inclusion of zombies, you could also use "Supernatural," I think.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Brushing a curl of blood out of her eyes,
Is "blood" really the word you meant here? I had a tough time visualizing this. (As I read later in the story, she has red hair. Is that what you meant? For me, this would have worked a little better if you had written something like, "Brushing a curl the color of blood out of her eyes.")


Sighing, she glanced at her eyes.
This seemed a bit awkward to me. Is she looking in a mirror? You may want to clarify this a little.


They're just not scared of use yet."
I think this might be a typo, "use" instead of "us" *Blush*


*Bullet* There are a few places where you need a space in between paragraphs, like in after "Cap'n. The recruits are here.", and between that paragraph and the next.

*Bullet* Is this a finished story? For me, it felt like it just started when you ended it. I absolutely love what you have here so far, so I just wanted more by the end. I do hope you continue the story. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great start! You've got a talent for description and detail. I really enjoyed this, though it felt a bit incomplete to me. I hope that you'll continue this as part of a larger work, a series or novel, perhaps.

Thank you for sharing your work. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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