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1,184 Public Reviews Given
1,616 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.
I'm good at...
attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!
Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion, Sports
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry, Essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels (I just don't have that much time)
I will not review...
There is very little I won't review. Try me! *Smile*
Public Reviews
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276
276
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi stormdrac !

This is my review for "For a Coffee house fiction contest"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* Your characterizations are great! Each character stood out as an individual and this is due to your use of description. For instance, His twisted arthritic body could no longer back up his fierce demeanor but that didn’t stop Artore one bit. This is a great way to describe a character! Great job! *Smile*

*Bullet* You also do a wonderful job of describing the setting. The story is a fantasy taking place in another world and you do very well in subtly pointing that out. Descriptions such as occasional glowing roots of rotting trees help point out that this is a different world, yet it isn't overdone at the same time. You introduce the reader gradually to this new world, and that helps the reader understand the story and become immersed into the story easily.


Grammar

She fell into an uneasy sleep while the group of riders clustered nearly over her head, tried to decide where she had gone.

I don't think you need the comma after the word "head."


“I told you she would outsmart you.” The elder of the group sneered under his breath.

There should be a space between the previous paragraph and this one. Also, the period after the word "you" should be a comma.


It seemed as scared as she, when they untangled themselves.
The comma after "she" isn't needed.

Its eyes were large luminous, and green, as was its skin.

A comma is needed after the word "large."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* In the first paragraph, you use the word "they" three times in three consecutive paragraphs. You may want to change one of these to something else, like "the group of riders," for instance.

*Bullet*Some animal or another
"or another" sounds a bit awkward here. You may want to consider taking it out.

*Bullet*Her little rest rejuvenated her enough for her to keep going until sunrise.

I think the phrase "for her" is unneeded.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - This is a great start to your story! You do a great job in setting up the environment and characters. I'd love to read more! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
277
277
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I'm reviewing the entire folder, because I think you've got some really great items here! *Bigsmile*

By browsing through your port, I can see that you've created an entire world for your novel, "Invalid Item"  . I love that you have images like "Invalid Item"  and "Invalid Item"  . It shows that you've put a great amount of thought and effort into your novel!

I also love that you have maps for your fantasy novel! It really helps the reader get an idea of geography within a story.

I'd love to have the passkey for the novel! This folder has definitely captured my interest in The Treeling Cycle!

Keep up the great work and thank you for sharing it with everyone!! *Smile*


spidey
278
278
Review of THAT SONG  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Mitch !

This is my review for "THAT SONG"  [ASR].

Strengths

*Bullet* You've really developed a knack for creating a beautiful image with simple wordings, which is a great device in poetry! I loved these lines:

The tune fades in and out
And remembrance does the same

They are simple, yet very descriptive and beautiful. Wonderful job!

*Bullet* The tone of this poem is great. There is a clear "voice" of the speaker and the message being conveyed. This comes through to the reader very easily through the beautiful and simple language in the poem.

*Bullet* I like the structure of the poem, as well. It matches the poem with its simplicity and the lack of rhyme puts the focus on what is being said, rather than how it is being said. Nicely done! *Smile*

Grammar

I found no errors. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to perhaps add a bit more imagery. Perhaps more description of the speaker's present situation to tie with the past. Maybe a description of the interior of the car? I love the use of sound in the poem, and I found myself wanting a bit more of other senses, as well. I know the sound is the most important, due to the "song" which is the central focus of the poem, but I found myself wanting a bit more imagery dealing with the senses.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great poem! I really enjoyed it! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
279
279
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mitch !

This is my review for "Which Way Is Back?"  [13+].

Strengths

*Bullet* I love the tone of this poem! It is reminiscent and poetic, yet sarcastic and realistic. It's a perfect combination for the poem!

*Bullet* I also like the way you have the stanzas set up. The indented lines created a "moving foward" feel to the poem for me, which contrasts wonderfully with the imagery of looking back.

*Bullet* I also enjoyed the wording and imagery in the poem. I love the line "Politics replaced grains of sand."

Grammar

I found no errors. *Smile*

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet*My only suggestion deals with this line:

The slippery slopes of the slides.

For me, it was too many syllables in the one line or perhaps too many "s" sounds. I had to read it a few times, and it took me out of the poem. It seemed to disrupt the really great rhythm of the poem. Perhaps you might change the line to:

The slippery slopes of slides.

or replaces the word "slippery" with another word.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Wonderful poem! I really enjoyed reading and reviewing it! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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280
Review of If Been  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Mitch !

This is my review for "If Been"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* The first thing that I noticed in this poem is how well the structure fits the content of the poem. It looks great centered and with the blue font. It matches the content of the poem very well and enhances the tone and feel of the poem.

*Bullet* Another thing that helps the tone of this poem is your word choices. Words like "if," "glide," "spring" and "floods" give the poem a very soft tone that fits the poem perfectly.

*Bullet* The imagery in this poem is beautifully done. I can picture the images very well, and I love the descriptions, particularly "ceaseless circles" and "flowing floods."

Grammar

No errors. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I don't have any suggestions for this poem. It's perfect as it is. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Perfect!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
281
281
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Laugh*

I love these! They really made me laugh and reminisce about being in college. I definitely experienced more of these while living in a dorm on campus, but also a few of them when I had my own apartment.

Have you survived on Ramen yet? I'm not sure if there are different names for it in different regions, but I lived off that stuff for a long time! (I also worked at a movie theater where I got all the free popcorn I could ever want)

Keep on adding to this, and I'll keep on reading!

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282
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Cat-Claws is 20 Years Old! !

This is my review for "FF VII Advent Children Sig Auction"  [E]. Thanks for supporting "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"  [ASR] and Congrats on winning the raffle!

Strengths

*Bullet* You always have the most beautiful and artistic images in your auctions! I look forward to each one just to see what you're offering! *Smile*

*Bullet* I love that you give information about the images, where they've come from, etc. and also a bit of history behind Final Fantasy and their latest installment, the DVD.

*Bullet* The bidding rules are simple and clearly stated.

Grammar

I found no errors. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* The dates listed for the auction are Sept. 9th - Sept. 15th. Perhaps you meant October? The first message was posted on Oct. 9th and it looks like the auction is still open. You may want to correct the dates for the auction. People may think that the auction is already closed. I know I did, until I checked the forum post dates. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Great job and good luck with the auction! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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283
Review of Parrot Sig  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Cat-Claws is 20 Years Old! !

This is my review for "Parrot Sig"  [E]. Thanks for supporting "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"  [ASR] and Congrats on winning the raffle!

Strengths

*Bullet* You drew this? Wow! It's amazing! Great job!!

*Bullet* I love the effects on the wings of the parrot. It looks great!

*Bullet* I love the perspective of the drawing. I like that it's not a straight view, a view of the parrot from head-on, if that makes sense. I like that the view is slightly from the side. I think that really makes this image great.

Grammar

No errors. *Smile*

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I have no suggestions for this image. It's perfect as it is!

*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Congrats on winning the contest with this image! I can definitely see why it won! *Bigsmile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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284
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Cat-Claws is 20 Years Old! !

This is my review for "The Mermaid Princess"  [E]. Thanks for supporting "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"  [ASR] and Congrats on winning the raffle!

Strengths

*Bullet* This is a beautiful image! I love the lighting effects that you've added. They fit perfectly.

*Bullet* Great choice with the font! It works very well with the image. *Smile*

*Bullet* I love that you include the artist's name on your images. Thanks for giving credit where credit is due! I also love that you add such beautiful and subtle touches to the images. I always look forward to your image auctions! *Bigsmile*

Grammar

No errors. *Smile*

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I have no suggestions for this image. It's perfect as it is. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Great job!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
285
285
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Cat-Claws is 20 Years Old! !

This is my review for "The Morbid Director of Life"  [ASR]. Thanks for supporting "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"  [ASR] and Congrats on winning the raffle!

Strengths

*Bullet* I love the feel of this poem. It is abrupt and stark and very effective.

*Bullet* I also enjoyed the structure of the poem. I like the rhyme scheme, and how it is interrupted. It all fits wonderfully.

*Bullet* Your use of color fonts works great in this poem! Great choices in the color! It helps emphasize the tone of each line. Each color has its own tone and works very well within the poem. Nicely done!

Grammar

No errors found. Great job!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I don't have any suggestions for this poem. It's great as it is!


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Great job!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
286
286
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cat-Claws is 20 Years Old! !

This is my review for "Midnight Confessions"  [E]. Thanks for supporting "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"  [ASR] and Congrats on winning the raffle!

Strengths

*Bullet* The story pulled me in immediately, and held my interest to the very end. I couldn't wait to get to the end to find out exactly what was going on!

*Bullet* The scene is set up very well. I had a clear idea of the setting, while the focus of the story is on the interaction between the two characters. The opening paragraph gives a lot of detail in a short time. Good job!

*Bullet* I wasn't expecting the end! It was a great surprise and very fitting. *Smile*

Grammar

What is it that trouble you?

You may want to add an "s" after the word "trouble."

Sure Gareth was a kinda’ weird kid

The apostrophe after "kinda" is not needed. Consider removing it or replacing "kinda" with "kind of."

You could always tell me your problem

You may want to add an "s" after the word "problem."

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* There were a few instances of a suffix being needed at the end of a word. You may want to read your story aloud, or have someone else read it.

*Bullet* Some of the dialogue seemed a tad unrealistic to me. For instance, "What is it that trouble you? We’ve been best buds for years!" For me it would sound more natural if he said something like, "What's wrong? We've been best friends for years!"


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0

Great job with this story! I'd love to see more. I'm not sure if you had a word limit, since this was written for a contest, but it would be great to have even more in the scene, setting up the surprising ending. I love the writing style in this story. It is very descriptive, yet not overly done. Great job!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
287
287
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great contest, and while I can't participate, since I didn't attend the Convention, I'll certainly be watching on the sidelines.

I love that you have different categories for entries. I think it's a very creative concept for your contest.

The rules are stated clearly, and I like your use of WritingML.

Good luck with your contest, and please accept my donation. *Smile*


spidey
288
288
Review of Word Searches  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there! *Smile*

I really enjoyed your word search folder. I liked learning a bit about you in your Decathlon entry, "Word Search 1"  [E], which was a very creative entry.

Your other word search, "Word Search 2, Dog Breeds"  [E], taught me about the different kinds of dog breeds. Informational and fun! *Bigsmile*

Great job on these word searches. Thanks for the fun!
289
289
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there! I just wanted to send a review for this group, letting you know how much I appreciate being a member of Between the Lines. *Smile*

I love the sense of community and friendship I get out of this group. I love the suggested prompts, and the feeling of freedom within the group.

Thanks for hosting such a great journaling group!

*Bigsmile*


spidey
290
290
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi magic2005

This is my review for "Till Death Do We Part?"  [18+]

Thanks for sharing this great poem and welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*

(If you have any questions, feel free to ask!)


Strengths:

*Bullet*I love the sheer emotion in this poem! It conveys so much!

*Bullet*I really like the strong language in the poem. It really helps convey the violence and emotion in the poem. I really liked the line:

Smash!Bam! Then everything spins.

*Bullet*I love the last line! It's very effective.


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!

*Bullet*your gonna pay

"your" should be you're.


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*A few of the lines felt, to me, like they should be split into two lines. The first line, for example, consists of two statements. I think it would be more effective to start a new line after the period in the first line. I had the same feeling with the seventh line, as well.

*Bullet*I love the rhyming in the poem, but the rhyme scheme felt a bit uneven to me. You may want to take a closer look at the rhyme scheme of the poem. Evening out the rhyme scheme could help a bit with the flow of the poem.


*Star*My rating:*Star*

3.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!! I think this poem has great potential. There is a great amount of good imagery and tone in the poem.

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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291
Review of Fountain of Youth  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi JH06 and welcome to Writing.com!

(If you have any questions, feel free to ask me!)

This is my review for "Fountain of Youth"  [E]. I really enjoyed this poem. Though I haven't read "Dr. Heidger's Experiment," I think I've got a good idea of the story with this poem.

Thanks for sharing this great poem!


Strengths:

*Bullet*I like the movement within the poem. It is set up well and has a great conclusion at the end!

*Bullet*I also liked the use of dialogue in the poem. It really created a "storytelling" feel to the poem, and made it enjoyable to read.


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*"I can make you young again."
Here is some water from the fountain of youth.
It will make you young, I tell the truth.

To me, it seemed that the end quotation marks should have occurred after the word "truth." All three of the lines seemed to go together, and I took it as all what the old man was saying.


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*Most of the poem contains rhymed couplets, that is two lines in a row that rhyme. Yet, it seemed like the first line should have been split into two lines to continue the rhyme scheme. For instance, it could be:

Tell me the truth.
Can this water restore my youth?

instead of:

Tell me the truth.Can this water restore my youth?

*Bullet* Also, line 8 seemed out of place, since it does not have a companion line, another line that rhymes with it. Perhaps you could add another line before or after it to keep with the rhyming couplet scheme.

*Star*My rating:*Star*

3.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed this poem! I think it tells a great story, and I love the ending! There were a few structural problems that I had with the poem, which can be easily straightened out, I think.

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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292
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Don Anderson

This is my review for "One step ahead to nowhere, rev."  [13+]

Thanks for sharing this great poem!


Strengths:

*Bullet*I love the use of punctuation in this poem! I like the minimal use of periods. Most of the punctuation is commas, which really affects the flow of the poem.

*Bullet*Your word choices are great. The poem has great imagery and tone, which is set up by your word choices.

*Bullet*I really enjoyed the last stanza! It's a great ending to the poem, and it really captures the tone of the piece.


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*Like I mentioned above, I like the minimal use of periods in the poem. Using commas really helps the flow; it helps the poem keeping moving forward, and I think it really matches the tone of the poem. You may want to consider not using the other two periods in the poem, and just keeping the one at the end. That could further emphasize the theme. Just a suggestion.


*Star*My rating:*Star*

4.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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293
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Shaara

This is my review for "The Legless Spider"  [ASR]

Thanks for sharing this great poem! I saw the title and description and just had to read it! *Laugh*


Strengths:

*Bullet*I really enjoyed the structure of the poem. It has a nice rhyme scheme and rhythm, which made it an easy and enjoyable read. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Bullet*The poem tells a very clever and humorous tale. I liked how you described each loss of limb, and you did it in such a manner that it was easy to follow.

*Bullet*I particularly enjoyed the relationship between the spider and his wife, and I also really loved the last stanza.


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!



Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*In the second to last stanza:

But the cow picked me up and put me down on her tail.
Don’t you see, said she. Here’s the plan; it can’t fail.

These lines were a bit longer than the others, causing me to pause a bit in my reading. They do fit the poem well, but it threw the rhythm off just a bit for me while I was reading.



*Star*My rating:*Star*

4.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review of Wasted Wisdom  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Kenzie

This is my review for "Wasted Wisdom"  [ASR]

Thanks for sharing this great article!


Strengths:

*Bullet*I really like the inspirational message of this article. You do well in proving your point, by drawing on history and personal experience. I definitely agree with you. *Smile*

*Bullet*The article is written very well, in an informal, and personal, yet informative manner. It is a joy to read.

*Bullet*I like the way the article is set up, with its intent at the top, in bold and italic. Then your personal story is related, drawing on the statement at the top. It ends by coming full circle, and reiterating your main point. It is a well thought out argument, and is presented to the reader very well. Good job!


Grammar/Spelling:


*Bullet*Even immediate families don’t have the opportunity to sit and share any more.

I believe that "any more" should be one word - anymore.


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*I have no suggestions for this piece. It's great as it is.


*Star*
My rating:

5.0 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review of The Candiru  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Harry

This is my review for "The Candiru"  [13+]

Thanks for sharing this humorous poem!


Strengths:

*Bullet*I love the comical tone of the poem. It is kept throughout the poem, and it made it light and fun to read. Well done!

*Bullet*I love your word choices. The words you've used really help convey the tone, as well as set up some great imagery.

*Bullet*I also really enjoyed the structure of the poem. I like the rhyme scheme, which works wonderfully in the poem. It makes the poem have a definite rhythm, yet it doesn't sound forced. Good job!

*Bullet* I love the last line! It's a great end to the poem. I certainly learned a lesson through the poem! *Smile*
Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*My only suggestion deals with the line breaks. Some of the lines are broken mid-phrase/sentence, and that breaks up the rhythm a bit. To change how the lines are broken, though, would break the rhyme scheme. The poem does work very well the way it is, but I wanted to let you know that, as a reader, I felt the rhythm was disrupted a bit by it. It made me pause while reading, which took me out of the poem. I just thought I'd let you know my reaction as a reader. *Smile*


*Star*
My rating:

4.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review of Golden  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jack Goldman

This is my review for "Golden"  [ASR]

Thanks for sharing this great story!


Strengths:

*Bullet*I love the simplicity of the story. The story focuses on the moment, and the emotions felt by the character. A very controversial issue is at play in the story, but I love how the focus isn't really on the issue. It's focused on the characters, which, for me, made the story great.

*Bullet*I really love the lack of detail in the story. I like that the setting isn't described in detail, nor are the characters. It really helps focus everything on the moment, and makes the story that more emotional and touching.

*Bullet*I really enjoyed the language used in the story. It was poetic and beautiful, very descriptive yet simple.


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*This isn't quite a suggestion, but I felt that the dialogue wasn't realistic. I'm not saying that's a bad thing (It actually fits well in the story). I just wanted to let you know that it pulled me out of the moment just a tad, because the dialogue is very poetic, and not very realistic, in my opinion. Like I said, it's not really a suggestion, I just wanted to let you know what my reaction, as a reader, was to the dialogue you used in the story.

*Star*
My rating:

4.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rocky

This is my review for "Gently Down the Stream"  [E]

Thanks for sharing this great poem!


Strengths:

*Bullet*I love the repetition in this poem! It really works to create a great tone, and it keeps the poem moving along. Great job!

*Bullet*I really like your word choices in this poem. Words like "gentle," "drift," and "pine" really create a delicate and soft tone for the poem. Nicely done!

*Bullet*I loved the end of the poem! The poem has a great movement to it, which is pointed out in the repetition in the last line of each stanza. The poem clearly moves through a range of emotions on the part of the speaker, from drifting, to waiting, to fear, to wondering, to clinging, and finally ending at praying. Very nicely done!


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*



*Bullet*My only suggestion deals with the following two lines:

The rumble now is deafening.
The light is blinding now.

The repetition of the word "now" interrupted the flow of the poem for me. I love the use of repetition in the last line of each stanza, but I didn't like it here. I would suggest changing it so that the word "now" is used only once in these two lines. *Smile*


*Star*
My rating:

4.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!! Wonderful poem!

Keep up the great work!!


Also, if you would be interested in a free verse poetry contest, check out this:
"Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"  [ASR]

Sincerely,
spidey

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Review of Starship Sentry  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jack Goldman

This is my review for "Starship Sentry"  [E]

Thanks for sharing this great short story! This was one of those stories where you can tell there's something else going on, and I kept trying to guess what it was. I was pleasantly surprized by the ending! *Smile*


Strengths:

*Bullet*You do very well in explaining the purpose of a "Sentry" without confusing the reader. I like that you give details to the reader throughout the story, instead of all at once. It made the story easy and enjoyable to read.

*Bullet*I loved the end! It fit perfectly and made me smile!


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*I have no suggestions for this piece. It's great as it is.


*Star*
My rating:

4.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Pora

This is my review for ""Alone in the Crowd""  [13+]

Thanks for sharing this great poem, and thanks for stopping by "Invalid Item"  !


Strengths:

*Bullet*I really love the language of this poem! It is very personal to the speaker, and conveys a unique perspective. It feels like a personal glimpse into the speaker's world. Nicely done!

*Bullet*I love the great imagery you've got in this poem! I could clearly see the scenes being described.


Grammar/Spelling:


*Bullet*Its Luke left with scars on his body,

Its should be It's.

*Bullet*And he why you shouldn’t be blamed,

This line was a bit confusing to me. Perhaps the he should be taken out.


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*My only suggestion has to do with the structure of this poem. The poem felt like it has a great rhythm, but for me, the structure does not fit the poem. To me, it seemed like it would work better written out, as prose poetry. Try writing this out as a paragraph, or having longer line lengths, perhaps. It's just my suggestion, but I definitely felt this poem would work better with a different structure.


*Star*
My rating:

3.5 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!

Sincerely,
spidey

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Review of The White Rose  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Unicorn

This is my review for "The White Rose"  [E]

Thanks for sharing this great poem, and thanks for stopping by "Invalid Item"  !


Strengths:

*Bullet*I love the beautiful imagery in this poem. Starting with the first stanza, this poem contains some great images!

*Bullet*This poem has great and beautiful language! I loved these lines:

Pools of blood swirled around.
The pitiful cries echoed everywhere,
As the river of tears tumbled down.


*Bullet*I love the tone of the poem, and how it shifts through the poem. It begins with a very delicate and lovely tone, with the desription of the setting, and the waking of the White Rose. Then the poem turns to a tone of violence and despair, and finally to sadness at the finish of the poem. Nicely done! *Smile*


Grammar/Spelling:

*Bullet*I found no errors - Great job!


Suggestions:
These are just my opinions, and are meant to help you in your writing. Feel free to ignore or follow any suggestions. *Smile*

*Bullet*Some of the lines contained an underscore line at the end. For instance:

The dew drops glittered and sparkled_

It may look better to use a dash or hyphen. The underscore lines seemed out of place, to me.


*Star*
My rating:

4.0 - Great job! I really enjoyed reading this!!

Keep up the great work!!


Sincerely,
spidey

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