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1,174 Public Reviews Given
1,606 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.
I'm good at...
attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!
Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion, Sports
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry, Essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels (I just don't have that much time)
I will not review...
There is very little I won't review. Try me! *Smile*
Public Reviews
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Review of I Am Love  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Rayne Hewes ,

What a beautiful and tragic poem about love! It's my believe that love encompasses the good and the bad, and I think this poem captures that sense.

I particularly liked the last two lines:

I am heartbreak......
I am love.

Great poem! I'm featuring this in the next Romance/Love Newsletter. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing! Keep writing!

spidey
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Review of MY LOVE  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi there DevilMayCry

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "MY LOVE" 


General Thoughts:

I enjoyed reading this love poem. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I like the movement of this poem. It starts with the speaker talking about him/herself, using "I" often. The focus then shifts to the object of the poem, using "you" more, and then the last line brought the two together. Using that shift and then returning to the beginning really made the poem feel complete to me. It actually made me smile when I finished reading. *Smile*

*Bullet* Your description is beautiful and emotional in this poem. I could really feel what was being said, and I could identify with the speaker. I liked how personal this poem felt, like I was getting a glimpse of a private moment between two people.

*Bullet* Great rhyme scheme! Rhyme can often be distracting for me in poetry, but you were able to keep in natural throughout the poem. Very well done! *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

LOVEING HER

This is in your intro. The word "loveing" is misspelled and should be "loving." Also, using all caps is not needed. That's totally your call, but some readers may not like to see all capital letters. *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Your title and description fit the poem very well.

*Bullet* I'm not sure the 18+ rating is necessary. This could easily be 13+ in my opinion. (For details on the Writing.com Rating System, see "Content Rating System (CRS)" )

*Bullet* You also may want to consider changing this from "Other" to "Poetry." It will make the poem easier to find for those looking for poetry. Also, you can consider using genres such as "Relationship" and/or "Romance/Love."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Like a fever-like a fire,

While I like the description in this line, using the word "like" twice here made me pause when I was reading it. Perhaps you could consider substituting one of them?

*Bullet* My only other suggestion would be to take a look at your punctuation. Punctuation in poetry can really affect the flow of a poem for the reader. Using punctuation like periods and commas can let the reader know where you intended a pause, as well as showing where a statement ends. A good way to figure out where you'd like punctuation is to read the poem out loud.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - This is a wonderful start to a great poem. You clearly have an ability for conveying emotion and a skill for writing natural-sounding rhyming poetry. My only qualm with this poem, really, is its use of punctuation. For me, it was a tad difficult to follow the flow of it without a little more punctuation.


Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item" 

won in an auction
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Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there Mighty Morgan

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for " Miracles..a thirty day experiment" 


General Thoughts:

What an inspirational piece! I hope you find your transformation, and I hope it inspires others. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I love the way this is written. Your writing is clear and concise, yet personal. You do very well in communicating your ideas in a way that is easy to understand and enjoyable to read.

*Bullet* I love this part:

It’s like telling someone that has never seen the color blue, what blue is. You can’t.

*Bullet* This is a well-composed essay with a personal feel to it. You present your ideas very well, but you also put your own voice into it, so it doesn't read like an strict academic essay. Even though you're not certain of the outcome of your "experiment," you are very good at explaining your motives.

*Bullet* I love the message of this, as well. It's a positive thinking type of endeavor, and I wish you luck and happiness with it. *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Is it possible to transform ones life
I believe "ones" needs an apostrophe *Right* one's


I posed the question to the universe at large….
“Is it possible to transform ones life in the course of thirty days, in a way that can only be described as a miracle.”
Since you're posing this as a question, you may want to use a question mark at the end instead of a period. *Wink*


a life lived by default of beliefs I accumulated through this existence.
For me, I felt an article was needed before the word "default," maybe like this: "a life lived by a default of beliefs" or "a life lived by the default of beliefs."


I am someone willing to go to any lengths to shatter the beliefs of,
I'm not sure if this is exactly an error, maybe more of a judgement call, but I felt a colon could be used instead of a comma at the end of this phrase.


“When the pain out weight the pleasure, change will occur”.
I believe the words "out weight" should be "outweighs" instead.


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Your title and intro description made me want to take a look at this piece. It grabs the attention of the reader and it definitely intrigued me. *Smile*

*Bullet* You may want to change the rating to ASR since you include the word "heck" which may be considered a mild curse word, and is a substitute for a stronger word. (You can view explanations of the rating system here: "Content Rating System (CRS)" )

*Bullet* Your genres are chosen well. They suit your piece. When I first clicked on the item, I was curious to see how it fit into "Documentary" but after reading, I understand that it fits very well. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* For me, these lines felt just a tad weaker than I think they could be:

I’m an artist. I’m a writer. I’m a dreamer that dreams big. I am someone willing to go to any lengths to shatter the beliefs of,

For me, using "I'm" made these very strong statements a little weaker than they could be. Perhaps if you changed the "I'm"s to "I am"s, it would sound stronger to your reader.

*Bullet* My only other suggestion is that you follow up on this during your experiment (which you may have been planning to do already). You could perhaps even consider creating a book item, a journal of your experience through this journey. This item definitely made me want to read more. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great job with this! Your writing is excellent, and I'm intrigued by your proposed experiment. I found a few grammatical errors, but in general this is a good piece. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item" 

won in an auction
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Review of Star Wars Quiz  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Puck ,

This was a very difficult, yet fun quiz! I consider myself a Star Wars fan, though I've read only a handful of the comics and none of the novels in the series.

You have a good mix of intermediate and difficult questions here.

My only suggestion would be to add a bit of an introduction to the quiz. For example, you could explain where you got some of your questions (from novels, comics, etc.)

It's a good quiz, one that Star Wars fans should enjoy. *Smile*


spidey
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Review of Fumes  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi dunCARE !

This is my review for "Fumes"  [E].

General Thoughts:

This really made me laugh! A good comedy! *Laugh*

Strengths

*Bullet* This was so realistic! I had this experience once, inhaling paint fumes unintentionally, and it was pretty much exactly like this. *Laugh*

*Bullet* I love your writing in this story! I like that it feels very informal, and that your narrator reflects on things. For instance:

Am I being redundant? I hope I’m not. My English teacher would kill me.

*Bullet* I liked your characters, as well. I liked how they were almost stereotypes, yet had very surprising characteristics, as well.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I really can't think of any suggestions to make this story better. I truly enjoyed it as it is. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Wonderful job with this story! Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of benison!?  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there dori

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "benison!?" 


General Thoughts:


Strengths

*Bullet* This poem really struck me with its powerful language. I admit that I had to look up a few words in the dictionary. *Blush*

*Bullet* The poem has a clear tone. I could almost feel the voice of the narrator. I like that the poem feels so accusatory, even with the simple punctuation in the title. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Bullet* Though the poem is short, it is direct and to the point. It has the potential to really affect the reader.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Is bitterness &penury all thou has?


I'm not sure if it was intentional to leave out a space between the "&" and the next word.


your Benison ?


Again, with the punctuation, I'm not sure if it was intentional to insert an extra space after "Benison."

Also, the word "Benison" doesn't have to be capitalized, though I understand why it is if it was intentional.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Though I like how short and direct the poem is, I can't help wanting more of it. I believe that the poem speaks enough for the reader to understand its meaning, but I found myself wanting to know more. I wanted to know who the speaker was, where the speaker was coming from, etc. You have such powerful language and such a great position introduced here that I really wanted more. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*


4.0 - Wonderful start to a really powerful poem! For me, I would have liked just a tad more development and atmosphere. You did extremely well in conveying your point, but I also wanted more of the speaker in the poem. *Smile*

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there mars ,

This is a very cool poll, but what I love about it most is your great use of WritingML and images! Your use of color really accentuates the theme of the poll. *Smile*

I also like that you link a related item in your poll. *Smile*

The results so far seem to be pretty much what I'd expect, and what you state yourself in the poll body.

This poll is a great way to show that everyone belongs here, and no matter where they live, they're all part of the WDC community. *Smile*

Nicely done!


spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ski -ster !

This is my review for "Dad Is Important Too"  [E].

General Thoughts:

Thanks for pointing me in the direction of this lovely story! I really enjoyed reading it! *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I enjoyed the fast pace of this story. It caught my interest right away and I followed along anxiously, wanting to know what would happen next. Nice job!

*Bullet* I loved the emotion in the story! I was drawn into it so quickly, and I really cared about the characters. The story shows a good range of emotions, as well, from suspense to sadness to happiness. Well done!

*Bullet* I also like the tone in which this is written. You use a very good choice of point of view, and the tone of the narrator stays even throughout. I don't think it would have the same effect if the story was told from an outside third-person narrator.

*Bullet* I also like the message of the story. Birth stories tend to be about mothers bonding with their babies, and it was a pleasure to read about it from the father's point of view.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Suddenly There is her head --- and everything happened quickly now.

"There" should not be capitalized.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* In that same sentence above, the tense shifts to past tense in the story. (It goes from "I am" to "I was") You may want to go through and double check to make sure the story stays in one tense throughout. Personally, I like stories to be past tense, but the present tense actually works well in this story to create suspense. It adds a feeling that the reader is present when the story is happening which I think helps draw the reader into the emotion of the story.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Lovely story! It drew me into the emotions of the characters and made me glued to your words so I could find out what happened next. Thanks for sharing this! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of Spider-Man Quiz  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there IceAngel1412 ,

This is a fun quiz! I couldn't resist trying it out once I saw the title. (As you may be able to tell by my username, I'm a big fan of Spider-Man)

I like that you cover both the comic book and the movie, as it covers a lot of what people would know about Spider-Man. You have a good mix of easy and more difficult questions.

Thanks for creating this quiz! I certainly had fun with it! *Smile*


spidey
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Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Tickles Magee !

Welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*
This is my review for "When the Rats Run Away"  [13+].

General Thoughts:

Wow! This story is incredible! I'm so glad I came across it today.

Strengths

*Bullet* I love your descriptions! They are concise, yet very vivid and telling. It works wonderfully with the tone of the piece and the voice of the narrator/main character. One line I liked in particular:

Just a series of doors, numbered by odds and evens.

*Bullet* You chose a great description for the story - "Waking and wandering to the tune of a sweeter life. Fairly short and worth a read." The description and the title caught my interest.

*Bullet* As I wrote above, I really like your writing in this. I could not only see everything being described, but I could feel it, as well. I like that you repeat certain themes, like the dirt and grime of the city. For me, it kept reinforcing the same feeling and it kept me glued to the story. Very well done! *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to change the rating. I think the story should be rated at least 13+ due to mild swearing and references to sex and drugs. (For descriptions of each of the ratings and the rating system used here at Writing.com, see "Content Rating System (CRS)"  [13+].)


*Star*My Rating*Star*


5.0 - I think this story is brilliant, and I absolutely enjoyed reading it! I'll be stopping by your port to read more of your work. *Smile*

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

Great quiz! I was just telling my husband the other day that I need to start reading Shakespeare again. I'm surprised I got 5 out of 8 correct! *Smile*

Sadly, they were mostly guesses. *Laugh*

I really need to read more Shakespeare. Thanks for the fun! *Bigsmile*


spidey
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Review of Immortality  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Reaper !

Welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*

This is my review for "Immortality"  [13+].

Strengths

*Bullet* I like the use of repetition in this poem. Each stanza reiterates the theme set up in the first stanza, and the use of repetition really helps convey the message to the reader. I particularly liked the repetition of hte line, For I will never die and the word Immortality. Well done!

*Bullet* I enjoyed your use of punctuation in the poem. For me, it really helped with the flow of the poem and made it easy and enjoyable to read.


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Immortal has taken over me,

For me, the word "Immortal" didn't quite feel right here. The other words used in similar fashion in this stanza (Illumination and Independence) are nouns, and this word, being an adjective, seemed out of place. I think if it were changed to "Immortality" it would work a little better. *Smile*


Terror fills theses eyes

I believe "theses" should be "these."


As I awake in this world of hate,

For me, the word "awake" doesn't sound right here. You may want to consider changing it to "wake."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* For me, this poem could use just a little more variety. I love what you have written here and you do very well in conveying the message, but I found myself wanting more. It would be interesting to see a little more emotion and description in the poem. Some things you could consider: How does the speaker feel about love? friendship? The speaker's emotion of feeling alone is very well described, but perhaps you could describe more than that one emotion.

*Bullet* You could also consider creating more sensory descriptions, like what the speaker physically feels. For instance, in one stanza the speaker says, Every night I lay and wonder. You could physically describe the bed that the speaker is laying upon. Descriptions such as "cold sheets" can reinforce the sense of loneliness and pain that the speaker feels.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.0 - You've got a great start here! For me, I would love to see more elaboration of the speaker's feelings and emotions. I really enjoyed reading this poem, and I thank you for sharing it! *Smile*

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of The River  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi askpaddy !

This is my review for "The River"  [13+].

General Thoughts:

What a clever story! I enjoyed reading this very much. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* You set up this story very well. The first two paragraphs are quite strong and sets the scene up well. I had a clear vision of what was being described.

*Bullet* The story is very interesting! I liked the twist at the end.


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

(In the first paragraph)
Sometimes after heavy rain it ran brown with mud but, today the little waves danced and glimmered in the bright warm sunshine.
I think this comma should be before the word "but."


They had had a major argument the previous evening and was still seething.
Who is still seething? I was a little unclear on this. Perhaps if it read "and they were still seething" or "and he was still seething."


it’s time for the baby’s bottle“
There should be a period after the word "bottle." In fact, in this whole sentence, there should be a period at the end of each quotation (inside the ending quotation mark).



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Third paragraph:
He had been told to clear out while his girlfriend tried on the wedding dress with her mother.
The phrase "the wedding dress" sounded a little out of place to me, since this is the first introduction of the girl and the dress. To me "her wedding dress" would sound better. *Smile*

*Bullet* It was difficult for me to keep the characters straight since their names weren't revealed until the very end. I had a particular confusion when it came to Paul talking about his girlfriend/fiance and Barbara. At first, I thought they were the same person. Perhaps if you used his fiance's name, it would clear up any confusion your reader might have. I understand not revealing Paul's name early on, since the baby has the same name, but perhaps you could use the old man's name a bit earlier, so when the three are sitting on the bench, it is a little clearer who is talking.

*Bullet* For me, the story moved a little too fast. I didn't really have time to get to know each character. The story felt more like a scene than a story to me. Perhaps you could add more, have each character's section a little bigger. That way you could reveal much more information about each one's life. Then when the reader gets to the end, the great twist at the end will have even more significance and more of an emotional impact on the reader. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.0 - This is an excellent start. I really like the direction that this story is taking, and I loved the end! For me, it could use a little more detail about each character to be a really great story. *Smile*

Great job! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of Toilet Capers  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi !

This is my review for "Invalid Item"  .

General Thoughts:

What a delightful read! I'm glad I found this. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* This is a light-hearted and entertaining read. I'm not much of a cat person, admittedly, but I enjoyed reading this. I think anyone would. *Smile*

*Bullet* Your writing is very clear and direct, with a humorous edge. I like the personal tone in which this was written.


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Bathes, yes! Water, no! Who can understand the mind of a cat?


I was a little confused at this part. I wasn't sure if you meant "bathes" as in the verb "to bathe" or "baths" as in the plural of the noun, "bath."



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I'd love to read more! Do the cats play with water dripping from faucets (my sister's cats do that)? I loved this article, though it seemed a tad short. I enjoyed it so much that I wanted more! *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great article! I enjoyed this very much. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item" .
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Review of Blue M&M  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ellis !

This is my review for "Blue M&M"  [13+].

General Thoughts:

Wow! What a story! This was so captivating that I couldn't stop reading. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* Your characterization is great. Each character stood out on its own and was described very well.

*Bullet* I really enjoyed your writing in this story. Everything was well described and very clear. Your writing is simple and direct, yet tells a lot to the reader. One line I liked in particular was: the skinny one, whose tie ended about four inches too soon

*Bullet* I really wasn't expecting the end! Great job! *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* In the 5th paragraph:
Her sister’s grave was still sprayed with fresh funeral flowers and already she was trying to control his life

The word "sprayed" didn't seem quite right to me.

*Bullet* The main character's name isn't revealed until nearly the end of the story, and I saw no reason for it to be kept from the reader. When he is talking with Timmy, you use his name, John, but it caught me off guard. I wondered who John was, until I realized he was the main character. You may want to either 1. not use his name at all or 2. introduce the name earlier.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Very good story! I really enjoyed reading this! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item" .
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Review by spidey
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Hypr Child !

Welcome to Writing.com! If you have any questions about the site, feel free to ask. *Smile*

This is my review for "The World Is Black"  [E].

General Thoughts:

This is a good start to an action/adventure story. You pull your readers into the story well, and leave them wanting more! *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* Your writing is meticulous. Every action is described in detail, which makes the story very interesting and filled with suspense. It kept me wondering what was going to happen next.

*Bullet* Your opening paragraph is great! It really drew me into the action of the story and made me want to know what happens next. Great job!


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Across a broken bridge which stretched across a hole of blackness.

This is a fragment and not a complete sentence. To correct this, you can put a dash at the end of the previous sentence.


Half way across,

"Half way" should be one word: "Halfway"



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* You may want to add a space in between paragraphs. It's a little easier on the eyes of your readers. *Smile*

*Bullet* but then backed back up.

The repitition of the word "back" caused me to stop when reading this sentence. You may want to consider removing the word "back" so that it reads: "but then backed up."

*Bullet* She went into caves all the time as part of her job

I really wanted to know more about her job. Does she explore caves for a living? Is she an archaelogist? Perhaps you could give a little background on what her job is, and what she normally sees inside caves. What makes this one so different?


*Bullet* She looked at the door and walked in

This door mentioned here seemed to show up out of nowhere. For me, it made me stop while reading to go back and see if I missed where the door was introduced. You may want to add something about her discovering the door.

*Bullet* The reader really gets very little information about the main character. We don't even know her name! I got a sense of who she was out of her actions that you describe, but I found myself wanting to know more. You do very well in setting up an interesting character, but perhaps you could share just a bit more information about her with your readers.

*Bullet* You also may want to create a little more setting in the story. I found it difficult to imagine what the cave looked like, what the main character looked like, etc. You describe every action in detail in the story, but very little background information is given. By sharing more with your readers, you'll pull them even further into the world you've created in this story.

*Bullet* As a whole, this read more like the beginning to a story. I really hope this is a draft of a longer story. It caught and held my interest, and I was left wanting to know the rest of the story. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

2.5 - This is a great start! I do hope you'll continue with this story, as I know I'd love to read more!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item" .
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Review of getting started  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to Writing.com!

Thank you for sharing this piece! I'm glad to know a bit more about you. *Smile*

We have something in common - I also have a twin sister! I'd love to ask you some questions sometime, if you wouldn't mind, on being a twin. (I'm working on an article on the subject.)

You've given a great amount of information in this piece. It's just enough to get a feeling for who you are.

One suggestion - You may want to use spaces in between paragraphs. It's just a little easier on the eyes of your readers. *Smile*

Good luck with writing your novel, and with your goals of column-writing! I think you'll find that Writing.com is a great place for writers to get some great feedback on your writing, and to meet new people.


spidey
268
268
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Funnyface is happy to be back !

This is my review for "Penny In The Heart"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* What a delightful poem! I love the personal tone. I felt like I was getting a glimpse of a really beautiful moment between a father and daugther. *Smile*

*Bullet* The rhyme scheme fits very well in this poem. It helps reinforce the idea of a father teaching a story to his child.

*Bullet* I like your use of WritingML, too. The poem works well with centered lines. It makes it easy and enjoyable to read.

Grammar

I found no errors.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* If you wanted to, you could go even further with WritingML, by using the heart emoticon: *Heart*

I think it would look great around the title of the poem. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - This was a delight to read, and it teaches a great lesson! Thanks for sharing it!

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey

"Invalid Item" 
won in an auction
269
269
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi SueBear

This looks like an incredible group, and I'm sure it's really helping out a lot of people!

I like that you have the group's goals and member requirements stated clearly. I think it helps attract more members to let them know what they're getting into before they join a group. *Smile*

I also like that the group isn't just about losing weight. The focus is more on being healthy, and I think that's very important.

Very cool group!


spidey
"Invalid Item" 
270
270
Review of Flight of Fancy  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there DragonWrites~The Fire Faerie~ ,

This looks like a great and creative group! I like that the group description is clear and simple, a group for fantasy/sci-fi lovers.

You may want to consider adding a little detail on what is expected of members, so those interested in joining will know what will be expected of them.

Your members may be interested in this contest: "Invalid Item"  . Its prompts could inspire some great sci-fi/fantasy short stories. *Smile*

Good luck with your group! *Smile*
271
271
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Rachwrites82 ! Welcome to Writing.com! If you have any questions about the site, don't hesitate to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "My Dreams Brought you Back"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* Wonderful job with the rhyme scheme! Your use of rhyming helps the poem flow nicely, and it was a pleasure to read. *Smile*

*Bullet* I also like that the text is centered, as it made the poem very pleasing to the eye.

*Bullet* I loved the last line! It's a perfect ending to the poem.

*Bullet* Your use of punctuation also helped the flow of the poem.

Grammar

I found no errors. Great job! *Smile*

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* For me, the poem could have contained a little more imagery. For instance, instead of the line "my heart was beating very fast," you could describe the feeling of it - what the speaker physically or emotionally feels.

*Bullet* The message of the poem comes across very clearly to the reader, and I think you've done a great job of that. For me personally, I would have liked a little more imagery and emotion in the poem.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.0 - Great job! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
272
272
Review of Bedroom Surprise  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Mitch !

This is my review for "Bedroom Surprise"  [18+]. I was surprised to see that I didn't already rate this poem.

Strengths

*Bullet* I love the stark imagery in this poem! I've read this poem several times and it affects greatly me each time I read it. The imagery works so well for me because it is subtle. It took more than one reading for me to understand exactly what happens in the poem, and that's the kind of poetry I really love. It's simple and complex at the same time. *Smile*

*Bullet* The repetition in this poem works very well in conveying the beautiful imagery and tone to the reader. The repetition of the word "red" in particular reinforces the image to the reader.

*Bullet* Your use of punctuation greatly affects the flow of the poem. The use of periods makes the reader stop at every line, and it works very well within the poem.

Grammar

I found no errors.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I have no suggestions for this poem. It's wonderful as it is. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Great job! Keep on writing poetry, and I'll keep reading it. I think I've reviewed most, if not all, of your free verse poetry, and I have to say that I'm a big fan. Keep up the great work! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
273
273
Review of The Bunny  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mitch !

This is my review for "The Bunny"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* Your use of WritingML, punctuation and spacing is great in this poem! The italicized words really help convey meaning to the reader. Nice job!

*Bullet* I enjoyed the tone of the poem. It reads almost like prose, like the telling of a story, yet with a poetic edge to it. I like the somber, almost empty tone to the poem, of course mixed with the feeling of hope represented in the "bunny."


Grammar

I found no errors.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* While I liked the minimal use of punctuation in the poem, I wondered why some of the stanzas contained a period after the last line, while others did not. For me, I would have liked more uniformity among the stanzas. It's not necessary to do so, but I felt it could have been used to create a more even flow to the poem.

*Bullet* I like the color you use for the text, but it seemed a little bold to me. Perhaps if you take the bold tags off, and left it a more pale, lighter color. I think it might fit the tone of the poem a bit more. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Lovely poem! Thanks for sharing it with me, and keep up the great work! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
274
274
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Artemis !

This is my review for "Memories of Moonlight"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* This is a great start to a story! Your writing is very descriptive yet direct. The first parragraph sets up the tone and setting very well. I was immediately pulled into the story. Excellent job!

*Bullet* Using the first person point of view (using "I" instead of "she") was a great choice. It helped me identify with the main character, as well as pulling me closer to the story.

Grammar

enveloped me as a ran through the field behind my house.

I think the word "a" should be "I."


I knew mother wouldn’t come looking for me, she had learned long ago my night wanderings

This is a run-on sentence. You may want to insert a period after the word "me" to replace the comma. Or you could use a semi-colon here.

Soon after the moon came out, bathing the forest in its soft blue light.

This sentence sounded awkward to me. At first, I thought it was a fragment. If you place a comma after the word "after," it becomes clearer (though you then might want to take out the comma after "out" to avoid overusing the comma). It's not necessary to change this sentence, though. I just wanted to let you know that I felt it sounded a bit awkward.

I heard and intake of breath and realized it was my own.

I believe the word "and" should be "an."

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Soon after the moon came out

To me the phrase "the moon came out" didn't fit with the way the rest of the story is written. Your writing is more elegant and uses great imagery to describe the scene. To me "the moon came out" seemed to simple. Perhaps "Soon after moonlight shone through the night" or something just a tad more poetic to fit with the rest of the story.

*Bullet* The guy in front of me was the most dangerously attractive person I had ever seen.

I didn't like the use of the word "guy" here. To me, it didn't match the tone of the rest of the piece. It felt too much like slang to me. Perhaps you could change it to "man." Just a suggestion. *Smile*

*Bullet* You may want to consider adding an extra space in between paragraphs. It just makes the story a bit easier to read. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - I love your writing in this and I think it's going to make a great story! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
275
275
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi stormdrac !

This is my review for "For a Coffee house fiction contest"  [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* Your characterizations are great! Each character stood out as an individual and this is due to your use of description. For instance, His twisted arthritic body could no longer back up his fierce demeanor but that didn’t stop Artore one bit. This is a great way to describe a character! Great job! *Smile*

*Bullet* You also do a wonderful job of describing the setting. The story is a fantasy taking place in another world and you do very well in subtly pointing that out. Descriptions such as occasional glowing roots of rotting trees help point out that this is a different world, yet it isn't overdone at the same time. You introduce the reader gradually to this new world, and that helps the reader understand the story and become immersed into the story easily.


Grammar

She fell into an uneasy sleep while the group of riders clustered nearly over her head, tried to decide where she had gone.

I don't think you need the comma after the word "head."


“I told you she would outsmart you.” The elder of the group sneered under his breath.

There should be a space between the previous paragraph and this one. Also, the period after the word "you" should be a comma.


It seemed as scared as she, when they untangled themselves.
The comma after "she" isn't needed.

Its eyes were large luminous, and green, as was its skin.

A comma is needed after the word "large."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* In the first paragraph, you use the word "they" three times in three consecutive paragraphs. You may want to change one of these to something else, like "the group of riders," for instance.

*Bullet*Some animal or another
"or another" sounds a bit awkward here. You may want to consider taking it out.

*Bullet*Her little rest rejuvenated her enough for her to keep going until sunrise.

I think the phrase "for her" is unneeded.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - This is a great start to your story! You do a great job in setting up the environment and characters. I'd love to read more! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

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