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1,195 Public Reviews Given
1,627 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.
I'm good at...
attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!
Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion, Sports
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry, Essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels (I just don't have that much time)
I will not review...
There is very little I won't review. Try me! *Smile*
Public Reviews
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Arakun the twisted raccoon Author Icon!

This is my review for "Triumph of the Small and Weak" Open in new Window. [18+].

General Thoughts:

What a gruesome tale! As an insect-appreciator, I must applaud this story! *Bigsmile*

I wanted to thank you for being a reviewee in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., so I thought I'd send a review. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I can't believe you've fit so much gruesome activity into 120 words! Your first line drew me in immediately, and I loved every word of this very short story!

*Bullet* Not naming the entomologist was a good idea, I think. I like that you identify him merely as "he" or "entomologist." I think that really helped keep the focus on the other "characters" in the story.

*Bullet* Really, I must commend your word choices. Having only 120 words can really limit a writer's description, but your story is filled with detail! I truly enjoyed reading it! *Smile*


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors. *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* For me, it would have been interesting to not use the word Entomologist in the title. Before I even started the story, I knew who the main character was, so saving the "entomologist" label for the end was almost redundant. For me, it would have been just a tad more suspenseful if you didn't use that word in the title. (Obviously, many readers would have been able to guess by the end, but I still think it could enhance the horror/suspense aspect of the story)

*Bullet* Your rating and genres fit the story very well. I like that you use Animal and Nature, as they are quite appropriate! *Smile*



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I can't say I have any suggestions for the story itself.



*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - I loved this well-written, descriptive and gruesome story! Thanks for sharing it!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SouthernDiva Author Icon!

This is my review for "Promises of Spring" Open in new Window. [E].

General Thoughts:

I love haiku poetry! When it's done well, it presents such beauty and depth in its three short lines, and I think yours is delightful!

Another review to say thanks for being a reviewee in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. *Smile*


Strengths

*Bullet* Great use of WritingML! I love the flowers and different color fonts. It really makes the poem aesthetically pleasing to the reader, as well as creating a visual that connects the words of the poem with the subject being described. Well done! *Smile*

*Bullet* I absolutely love the rhyme scheme! I don't remember seeing rhyme in a haiku before, or if I did, it obviously wasn't memorable to me. I love the internal rhyme in the second line ("spring" and "bring"), and that the first and third lines rhyme. I wouldn't have thought to create rhyme like that in a haiku!

*Bullet* Like other successful haiku poems, this one describes a scene of depth and beauty in its short three lines. You do very well in presenting a story and scene to the reader. Nicely done! *Smile*


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors. *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* I love the title, and the description let me know you were writing this for a contest. (Congrats, by the way, on winning 3rd place!)

*Bullet* Your rating and genres are fine (though I do believe that the "Contest" genre is typically used for the contest itself, and not for entries).



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* There is little you can do to improve a successful haiku poem, other than adding extra stanzas. For this one, I would have loved to see more just because I loved your use of rhyme, though perhaps adding more would take away from the brilliance in these three lines? I suppose I'm suggesting that if you wanted to, you could add more, though I don't think it's necessary. *Smile*



*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Wonderful haiku! I enjoyed this very much!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

Click on the image to see why so many Mods are going Mad!
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Storm Machine Author Icon,

This is so cool! What a fun way to meet and learn more about fellow WDCers. *Bigsmile*

What I liked:

I like the way this is set up, and how it's more than just an In & Out. It's also very cool that you're going to be putting answers into a static item.

Suggestions:

One suggestion - You may want to tell people that the newest additions are at the bottom of the list. It's easy to figure out if the viewer looks at the date and time, but it would also be helpful to mention it, I think. *Smile*

Awesome In & Out! I'll definitey try to stop back and fill one out for myself!

*Heart*
spidey

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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SendintheClown Author Icon,

My, this story is adorable! I say it over and over with your stories, but you have such a way with words, it astounds me!

I loved this description:

Her laughter rode on bat wings.

This is a beautiful, touching tale of a boy's first love. *Heart*

I'm going to feature this as one of my picks in the next Romance/Love Newsletter. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing this! Keep on writing!

spidey
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Review of Two Angels  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi M.A. Connor Author Icon,

This is such a beautiful poem about love! It has a great rhyme scheme and a natural flow. It was a joy to read!

I'm going to feature this poem in the next Romance/Love Newsletter.

Thanks for sharing this! Keep on writing! *Smile*


spidey
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Review of I Am Love  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Rayne Hewes Author Icon,

What a beautiful and tragic poem about love! It's my believe that love encompasses the good and the bad, and I think this poem captures that sense.

I particularly liked the last two lines:

I am heartbreak......
I am love.

Great poem! I'm featuring this in the next Romance/Love Newsletter. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing! Keep writing!

spidey
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Review of MY LOVE  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi there DevilMayCry Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "MY LOVE" Open in new Window.


General Thoughts:

I enjoyed reading this love poem. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I like the movement of this poem. It starts with the speaker talking about him/herself, using "I" often. The focus then shifts to the object of the poem, using "you" more, and then the last line brought the two together. Using that shift and then returning to the beginning really made the poem feel complete to me. It actually made me smile when I finished reading. *Smile*

*Bullet* Your description is beautiful and emotional in this poem. I could really feel what was being said, and I could identify with the speaker. I liked how personal this poem felt, like I was getting a glimpse of a private moment between two people.

*Bullet* Great rhyme scheme! Rhyme can often be distracting for me in poetry, but you were able to keep in natural throughout the poem. Very well done! *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

LOVEING HER

This is in your intro. The word "loveing" is misspelled and should be "loving." Also, using all caps is not needed. That's totally your call, but some readers may not like to see all capital letters. *Smile*


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Your title and description fit the poem very well.

*Bullet* I'm not sure the 18+ rating is necessary. This could easily be 13+ in my opinion. (For details on the Writing.com Rating System, see "Content Rating System (CRS)" Open in new Window.)

*Bullet* You also may want to consider changing this from "Other" to "Poetry." It will make the poem easier to find for those looking for poetry. Also, you can consider using genres such as "Relationship" and/or "Romance/Love."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Like a fever-like a fire,

While I like the description in this line, using the word "like" twice here made me pause when I was reading it. Perhaps you could consider substituting one of them?

*Bullet* My only other suggestion would be to take a look at your punctuation. Punctuation in poetry can really affect the flow of a poem for the reader. Using punctuation like periods and commas can let the reader know where you intended a pause, as well as showing where a statement ends. A good way to figure out where you'd like punctuation is to read the poem out loud.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - This is a wonderful start to a great poem. You clearly have an ability for conveying emotion and a skill for writing natural-sounding rhyming poetry. My only qualm with this poem, really, is its use of punctuation. For me, it was a tad difficult to follow the flow of it without a little more punctuation.


Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

won in an auction
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there Mighty Morgan Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for " Miracles..a thirty day experiment" Open in new Window.


General Thoughts:

What an inspirational piece! I hope you find your transformation, and I hope it inspires others. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I love the way this is written. Your writing is clear and concise, yet personal. You do very well in communicating your ideas in a way that is easy to understand and enjoyable to read.

*Bullet* I love this part:

It’s like telling someone that has never seen the color blue, what blue is. You can’t.

*Bullet* This is a well-composed essay with a personal feel to it. You present your ideas very well, but you also put your own voice into it, so it doesn't read like an strict academic essay. Even though you're not certain of the outcome of your "experiment," you are very good at explaining your motives.

*Bullet* I love the message of this, as well. It's a positive thinking type of endeavor, and I wish you luck and happiness with it. *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Is it possible to transform ones life
I believe "ones" needs an apostrophe *Right* one's


I posed the question to the universe at large….
“Is it possible to transform ones life in the course of thirty days, in a way that can only be described as a miracle.”
Since you're posing this as a question, you may want to use a question mark at the end instead of a period. *Wink*


a life lived by default of beliefs I accumulated through this existence.
For me, I felt an article was needed before the word "default," maybe like this: "a life lived by a default of beliefs" or "a life lived by the default of beliefs."


I am someone willing to go to any lengths to shatter the beliefs of,
I'm not sure if this is exactly an error, maybe more of a judgement call, but I felt a colon could be used instead of a comma at the end of this phrase.


“When the pain out weight the pleasure, change will occur”.
I believe the words "out weight" should be "outweighs" instead.


Title/Rating/Genres:

*Bullet* Your title and intro description made me want to take a look at this piece. It grabs the attention of the reader and it definitely intrigued me. *Smile*

*Bullet* You may want to change the rating to ASR since you include the word "heck" which may be considered a mild curse word, and is a substitute for a stronger word. (You can view explanations of the rating system here: "Content Rating System (CRS)" Open in new Window.)

*Bullet* Your genres are chosen well. They suit your piece. When I first clicked on the item, I was curious to see how it fit into "Documentary" but after reading, I understand that it fits very well. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* For me, these lines felt just a tad weaker than I think they could be:

I’m an artist. I’m a writer. I’m a dreamer that dreams big. I am someone willing to go to any lengths to shatter the beliefs of,

For me, using "I'm" made these very strong statements a little weaker than they could be. Perhaps if you changed the "I'm"s to "I am"s, it would sound stronger to your reader.

*Bullet* My only other suggestion is that you follow up on this during your experiment (which you may have been planning to do already). You could perhaps even consider creating a book item, a journal of your experience through this journey. This item definitely made me want to read more. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great job with this! Your writing is excellent, and I'm intrigued by your proposed experiment. I found a few grammatical errors, but in general this is a good piece. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

won in an auction
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Review of Star Wars Quiz  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Puck Author Icon,

This was a very difficult, yet fun quiz! I consider myself a Star Wars fan, though I've read only a handful of the comics and none of the novels in the series.

You have a good mix of intermediate and difficult questions here.

My only suggestion would be to add a bit of an introduction to the quiz. For example, you could explain where you got some of your questions (from novels, comics, etc.)

It's a good quiz, one that Star Wars fans should enjoy. *Smile*


spidey
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Review of Fumes  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi dunCARE Author Icon!

This is my review for "Fumes" Open in new Window. [E].

General Thoughts:

This really made me laugh! A good comedy! *Laugh*

Strengths

*Bullet* This was so realistic! I had this experience once, inhaling paint fumes unintentionally, and it was pretty much exactly like this. *Laugh*

*Bullet* I love your writing in this story! I like that it feels very informal, and that your narrator reflects on things. For instance:

Am I being redundant? I hope I’m not. My English teacher would kill me.

*Bullet* I liked your characters, as well. I liked how they were almost stereotypes, yet had very surprising characteristics, as well.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I really can't think of any suggestions to make this story better. I truly enjoyed it as it is. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Wonderful job with this story! Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of benison!?  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there dori Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "benison!?" Open in new Window.


General Thoughts:


Strengths

*Bullet* This poem really struck me with its powerful language. I admit that I had to look up a few words in the dictionary. *Blush*

*Bullet* The poem has a clear tone. I could almost feel the voice of the narrator. I like that the poem feels so accusatory, even with the simple punctuation in the title. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Bullet* Though the poem is short, it is direct and to the point. It has the potential to really affect the reader.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Is bitterness &penury all thou has?


I'm not sure if it was intentional to leave out a space between the "&" and the next word.


your Benison ?


Again, with the punctuation, I'm not sure if it was intentional to insert an extra space after "Benison."

Also, the word "Benison" doesn't have to be capitalized, though I understand why it is if it was intentional.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Though I like how short and direct the poem is, I can't help wanting more of it. I believe that the poem speaks enough for the reader to understand its meaning, but I found myself wanting to know more. I wanted to know who the speaker was, where the speaker was coming from, etc. You have such powerful language and such a great position introduced here that I really wanted more. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*


4.0 - Wonderful start to a really powerful poem! For me, I would have liked just a tad more development and atmosphere. You did extremely well in conveying your point, but I also wanted more of the speaker in the poem. *Smile*

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there mars Author Icon,

This is a very cool poll, but what I love about it most is your great use of WritingML and images! Your use of color really accentuates the theme of the poll. *Smile*

I also like that you link a related item in your poll. *Smile*

The results so far seem to be pretty much what I'd expect, and what you state yourself in the poll body.

This poll is a great way to show that everyone belongs here, and no matter where they live, they're all part of the WDC community. *Smile*

Nicely done!


spidey
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ski -ster Author Icon!

This is my review for "Dad Is Important Too" Open in new Window. [E].

General Thoughts:

Thanks for pointing me in the direction of this lovely story! I really enjoyed reading it! *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* I enjoyed the fast pace of this story. It caught my interest right away and I followed along anxiously, wanting to know what would happen next. Nice job!

*Bullet* I loved the emotion in the story! I was drawn into it so quickly, and I really cared about the characters. The story shows a good range of emotions, as well, from suspense to sadness to happiness. Well done!

*Bullet* I also like the tone in which this is written. You use a very good choice of point of view, and the tone of the narrator stays even throughout. I don't think it would have the same effect if the story was told from an outside third-person narrator.

*Bullet* I also like the message of the story. Birth stories tend to be about mothers bonding with their babies, and it was a pleasure to read about it from the father's point of view.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Suddenly There is her head --- and everything happened quickly now.

"There" should not be capitalized.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* In that same sentence above, the tense shifts to past tense in the story. (It goes from "I am" to "I was") You may want to go through and double check to make sure the story stays in one tense throughout. Personally, I like stories to be past tense, but the present tense actually works well in this story to create suspense. It adds a feeling that the reader is present when the story is happening which I think helps draw the reader into the emotion of the story.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Lovely story! It drew me into the emotions of the characters and made me glued to your words so I could find out what happened next. Thanks for sharing this! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of Spider-Man Quiz  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there IceAngel1412 Author Icon,

This is a fun quiz! I couldn't resist trying it out once I saw the title. (As you may be able to tell by my username, I'm a big fan of Spider-Man)

I like that you cover both the comic book and the movie, as it covers a lot of what people would know about Spider-Man. You have a good mix of easy and more difficult questions.

Thanks for creating this quiz! I certainly had fun with it! *Smile*


spidey
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Tickles Magee Author Icon!

Welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*
This is my review for "When the Rats Run Away" Open in new Window. [13+].

General Thoughts:

Wow! This story is incredible! I'm so glad I came across it today.

Strengths

*Bullet* I love your descriptions! They are concise, yet very vivid and telling. It works wonderfully with the tone of the piece and the voice of the narrator/main character. One line I liked in particular:

Just a series of doors, numbered by odds and evens.

*Bullet* You chose a great description for the story - "Waking and wandering to the tune of a sweeter life. Fairly short and worth a read." The description and the title caught my interest.

*Bullet* As I wrote above, I really like your writing in this. I could not only see everything being described, but I could feel it, as well. I like that you repeat certain themes, like the dirt and grime of the city. For me, it kept reinforcing the same feeling and it kept me glued to the story. Very well done! *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to change the rating. I think the story should be rated at least 13+ due to mild swearing and references to sex and drugs. (For descriptions of each of the ratings and the rating system used here at Writing.com, see "Content Rating System (CRS)" Open in new Window. [13+].)


*Star*My Rating*Star*


5.0 - I think this story is brilliant, and I absolutely enjoyed reading it! I'll be stopping by your port to read more of your work. *Smile*

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

Great quiz! I was just telling my husband the other day that I need to start reading Shakespeare again. I'm surprised I got 5 out of 8 correct! *Smile*

Sadly, they were mostly guesses. *Laugh*

I really need to read more Shakespeare. Thanks for the fun! *Bigsmile*


spidey
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Review of Immortality  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Reaper Author Icon!

Welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*

This is my review for "Immortality" Open in new Window. [13+].

Strengths

*Bullet* I like the use of repetition in this poem. Each stanza reiterates the theme set up in the first stanza, and the use of repetition really helps convey the message to the reader. I particularly liked the repetition of hte line, For I will never die and the word Immortality. Well done!

*Bullet* I enjoyed your use of punctuation in the poem. For me, it really helped with the flow of the poem and made it easy and enjoyable to read.


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Immortal has taken over me,

For me, the word "Immortal" didn't quite feel right here. The other words used in similar fashion in this stanza (Illumination and Independence) are nouns, and this word, being an adjective, seemed out of place. I think if it were changed to "Immortality" it would work a little better. *Smile*


Terror fills theses eyes

I believe "theses" should be "these."


As I awake in this world of hate,

For me, the word "awake" doesn't sound right here. You may want to consider changing it to "wake."


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* For me, this poem could use just a little more variety. I love what you have written here and you do very well in conveying the message, but I found myself wanting more. It would be interesting to see a little more emotion and description in the poem. Some things you could consider: How does the speaker feel about love? friendship? The speaker's emotion of feeling alone is very well described, but perhaps you could describe more than that one emotion.

*Bullet* You could also consider creating more sensory descriptions, like what the speaker physically feels. For instance, in one stanza the speaker says, Every night I lay and wonder. You could physically describe the bed that the speaker is laying upon. Descriptions such as "cold sheets" can reinforce the sense of loneliness and pain that the speaker feels.


*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.0 - You've got a great start here! For me, I would love to see more elaboration of the speaker's feelings and emotions. I really enjoyed reading this poem, and I thank you for sharing it! *Smile*

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
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Review of Lost In The 80's  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya Lexi Author Icon,

Awesome quiz!! *Bigsmile*

Anyone who lived in the 80's (or just has a fondness for the decade) needs to take this quiz! I thought it was a riot! *Laugh*

Thanks for the fun! I'll definitely be back to try more questions! *Smile*


spidey
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Review of The River  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi askpaddy Author Icon!

This is my review for "The River" Open in new Window. [13+].

General Thoughts:

What a clever story! I enjoyed reading this very much. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* You set up this story very well. The first two paragraphs are quite strong and sets the scene up well. I had a clear vision of what was being described.

*Bullet* The story is very interesting! I liked the twist at the end.


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

(In the first paragraph)
Sometimes after heavy rain it ran brown with mud but, today the little waves danced and glimmered in the bright warm sunshine.
I think this comma should be before the word "but."


They had had a major argument the previous evening and was still seething.
Who is still seething? I was a little unclear on this. Perhaps if it read "and they were still seething" or "and he was still seething."


it’s time for the baby’s bottle“
There should be a period after the word "bottle." In fact, in this whole sentence, there should be a period at the end of each quotation (inside the ending quotation mark).



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* Third paragraph:
He had been told to clear out while his girlfriend tried on the wedding dress with her mother.
The phrase "the wedding dress" sounded a little out of place to me, since this is the first introduction of the girl and the dress. To me "her wedding dress" would sound better. *Smile*

*Bullet* It was difficult for me to keep the characters straight since their names weren't revealed until the very end. I had a particular confusion when it came to Paul talking about his girlfriend/fiance and Barbara. At first, I thought they were the same person. Perhaps if you used his fiance's name, it would clear up any confusion your reader might have. I understand not revealing Paul's name early on, since the baby has the same name, but perhaps you could use the old man's name a bit earlier, so when the three are sitting on the bench, it is a little clearer who is talking.

*Bullet* For me, the story moved a little too fast. I didn't really have time to get to know each character. The story felt more like a scene than a story to me. Perhaps you could add more, have each character's section a little bigger. That way you could reveal much more information about each one's life. Then when the reader gets to the end, the great twist at the end will have even more significance and more of an emotional impact on the reader. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.0 - This is an excellent start. I really like the direction that this story is taking, and I loved the end! For me, it could use a little more detail about each character to be a really great story. *Smile*

Great job! Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

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Review of Toilet Capers  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi !

This is my review for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

General Thoughts:

What a delightful read! I'm glad I found this. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* This is a light-hearted and entertaining read. I'm not much of a cat person, admittedly, but I enjoyed reading this. I think anyone would. *Smile*

*Bullet* Your writing is very clear and direct, with a humorous edge. I like the personal tone in which this was written.


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Bathes, yes! Water, no! Who can understand the mind of a cat?


I was a little confused at this part. I wasn't sure if you meant "bathes" as in the verb "to bathe" or "baths" as in the plural of the noun, "bath."



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I'd love to read more! Do the cats play with water dripping from faucets (my sister's cats do that)? I loved this article, though it seemed a tad short. I enjoyed it so much that I wanted more! *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great article! I enjoyed this very much. Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
271
271
Review of Blue M&M  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ellis Author Icon!

This is my review for "Blue M&M" Open in new Window. [13+].

General Thoughts:

Wow! What a story! This was so captivating that I couldn't stop reading. *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* Your characterization is great. Each character stood out on its own and was described very well.

*Bullet* I really enjoyed your writing in this story. Everything was well described and very clear. Your writing is simple and direct, yet tells a lot to the reader. One line I liked in particular was: the skinny one, whose tie ended about four inches too soon

*Bullet* I really wasn't expecting the end! Great job! *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* In the 5th paragraph:
Her sister’s grave was still sprayed with fresh funeral flowers and already she was trying to control his life

The word "sprayed" didn't seem quite right to me.

*Bullet* The main character's name isn't revealed until nearly the end of the story, and I saw no reason for it to be kept from the reader. When he is talking with Timmy, you use his name, John, but it caught me off guard. I wondered who John was, until I realized he was the main character. You may want to either 1. not use his name at all or 2. introduce the name earlier.

*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Very good story! I really enjoyed reading this! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

won in an auction
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
272
272
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Hypr Child Author Icon!

Welcome to Writing.com! If you have any questions about the site, feel free to ask. *Smile*

This is my review for "The World Is Black" Open in new Window. [E].

General Thoughts:

This is a good start to an action/adventure story. You pull your readers into the story well, and leave them wanting more! *Smile*

Strengths

*Bullet* Your writing is meticulous. Every action is described in detail, which makes the story very interesting and filled with suspense. It kept me wondering what was going to happen next.

*Bullet* Your opening paragraph is great! It really drew me into the action of the story and made me want to know what happens next. Great job!


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Across a broken bridge which stretched across a hole of blackness.

This is a fragment and not a complete sentence. To correct this, you can put a dash at the end of the previous sentence.


Half way across,

"Half way" should be one word: "Halfway"



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* You may want to add a space in between paragraphs. It's a little easier on the eyes of your readers. *Smile*

*Bullet* but then backed back up.

The repitition of the word "back" caused me to stop when reading this sentence. You may want to consider removing the word "back" so that it reads: "but then backed up."

*Bullet* She went into caves all the time as part of her job

I really wanted to know more about her job. Does she explore caves for a living? Is she an archaelogist? Perhaps you could give a little background on what her job is, and what she normally sees inside caves. What makes this one so different?


*Bullet* She looked at the door and walked in

This door mentioned here seemed to show up out of nowhere. For me, it made me stop while reading to go back and see if I missed where the door was introduced. You may want to add something about her discovering the door.

*Bullet* The reader really gets very little information about the main character. We don't even know her name! I got a sense of who she was out of her actions that you describe, but I found myself wanting to know more. You do very well in setting up an interesting character, but perhaps you could share just a bit more information about her with your readers.

*Bullet* You also may want to create a little more setting in the story. I found it difficult to imagine what the cave looked like, what the main character looked like, etc. You describe every action in detail in the story, but very little background information is given. By sharing more with your readers, you'll pull them even further into the world you've created in this story.

*Bullet* As a whole, this read more like the beginning to a story. I really hope this is a draft of a longer story. It caught and held my interest, and I was left wanting to know the rest of the story. *Smile*

*Star*My Rating*Star*

2.5 - This is a great start! I do hope you'll continue with this story, as I know I'd love to read more!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
273
273
Review of getting started  Open in new Window.
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to Writing.com!

Thank you for sharing this piece! I'm glad to know a bit more about you. *Smile*

We have something in common - I also have a twin sister! I'd love to ask you some questions sometime, if you wouldn't mind, on being a twin. (I'm working on an article on the subject.)

You've given a great amount of information in this piece. It's just enough to get a feeling for who you are.

One suggestion - You may want to use spaces in between paragraphs. It's just a little easier on the eyes of your readers. *Smile*

Good luck with writing your novel, and with your goals of column-writing! I think you'll find that Writing.com is a great place for writers to get some great feedback on your writing, and to meet new people.


spidey
274
274
Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Funnyface is happy to be back Author Icon!

This is my review for "Penny In The Heart" Open in new Window. [E].

Strengths

*Bullet* What a delightful poem! I love the personal tone. I felt like I was getting a glimpse of a really beautiful moment between a father and daugther. *Smile*

*Bullet* The rhyme scheme fits very well in this poem. It helps reinforce the idea of a father teaching a story to his child.

*Bullet* I like your use of WritingML, too. The poem works well with centered lines. It makes it easy and enjoyable to read.

Grammar

I found no errors.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* If you wanted to, you could go even further with WritingML, by using the heart emoticon: *Heart*

I think it would look great around the title of the poem. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - This was a delight to read, and it teaches a great lesson! Thanks for sharing it!

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey

"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
won in an auction
275
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Review by spidey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi SueBear Author Icon

This looks like an incredible group, and I'm sure it's really helping out a lot of people!

I like that you have the group's goals and member requirements stated clearly. I think it helps attract more members to let them know what they're getting into before they join a group. *Smile*

I also like that the group isn't just about losing weight. The focus is more on being healthy, and I think that's very important.

Very cool group!


spidey
"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
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