*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vpbanjo/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/22
Review Requests: ON
2,270 Public Reviews Given
2,272 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 18 19 20 21 -22- 23 24 25 26 27 ... Next
526
526
Review of Spectators  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It seems they are not happily married. They are devoted to their daughter, but I wonder if there is something hidden because although they seem devoted to her they are not sitting together as a happy married mother and father watching their daughter play the game.

I know this is microfiction and this requires very careful word choices and sentence structure to make the story as clear as possible for the reader. If you combine the night before reminder with the team in the playoffs this would tighten the word and sentence structure. By doing this you have more room for adding additional information while keeping the story micro in length.

By showing their rush to pay leaving their change, weaving through the crowd, and combining this into one sentence you are able to add more information. You could tell about him setting up the chairs and his wife reacting, then mention her moving into another area.

Showing the [why] in this short story is challenging and I hope you are able to edit it and keep readers interested in what is happening.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
527
527
Review of Confessional Lies  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is quite a confession for sure because of the interesting twist you told about the relationship between the priest and confessor, the activities, and the people involved. This could perhaps become a screenplay for a TV show.

You could add some other genres: instead of contest entry, perhaps spiritual, mystery because there is much that hasn't been explained, drams, emotional because the experiences do elicit emotions, and possibly use other genres.

I got the general idea, but am interested in knowing more about the characters and the events. I hope you will be able to add to this story.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
528
528
Review of Jacket Thief  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It seems there is a huge storm within your story. The characters are believable, the scenes are seeable in my mind, and the plot is decent with a lot of potential. I understand this was written for a contest and that you probably had a word count limit, but with careful editing you can make this event clearer by changing some words and rearranging them. You could use something like this [looking between Agent and Kitty and slamming her palms...This brings the action to what is happening now rather than in the past. Doing something like this for the story will bring the reader into it and keep them interested in learning more about the characters and events.

I read the opening paragraph several times to understand who was doing what and how. This left me wondering why Kitty wanted to steal Athena's Jacket. I continued to read the story.

Athena's jacket was stolen by Kitty because Agent distracted her, correct?

You wrote a nice story with interesting characters and conflict between Athena and Kitty with Agent seeming to be more neutral yet willing accidentally or on purpose to distract Athena.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
529
529
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
If it were not so sad in some ways it would be so funny I would laugh all the way to the bank. *Rolling*

I really enjoyed reading this item because I could imagine the scenes, characters, and events as I laughed heartily.

This nonsense can upset some people. Perhaps a note to the reader could assist in helping some readers to not get upset.

The description doesn't exactly fit the story because although it tells about thoughts on God, it is more than that. It is a satire about the craziness of fallible humans in an imperfect world.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
530
530
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your story is heartfelt to me. I could feel the emotions of this story through your words, see in my mind the actions of you and Linda, and understand the losses you and Linda experienced.

It is your story about your friend which is why I suggest you consider changing the title or at least add a little more to include Linda and you.

I also feel that more added or a change should be made to the description because your story is more than the fact that Linda would not give up.

You could bring more life and emotions to this special story of you and Linda by explaining how you and Linda felt and reacted to the different events.

I could see you and Linda, imagine the environment, and feel the emotions of your story.

I'm glad you were able to write this story, visit with Linda, and during the hospice visit act out the adventure both of your planned and were not able to live together. This is a nice tribute to your friend.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
531
531
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WdC.

You wrote a complex poem of love too soon revealed so it seems. I could invision the scene and action of this interwoven story of what seems to be a misguided romance, or possibly a romance evoked too early that became a fright for one or both parties involved.

I noticed you could add, romance, possibly mystery, adventure even though it is a misguided romantic adventure, thriller because the mysteries of a romantic life can be thrilling, or some other genre that would help WdC members find your poem and read and review it, and possibly submit it to the Quills.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
532
532
Review of Black Is The Rose  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Did I understand correctly; By connecting; your rose is a special someone or a special dream for you or maybe you and a special someone or something?

I was able to visualize a black rose, or someone in black, or a faded dream.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
533
533
Review of Last Straw  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ok, you got me to chuckle when I reached the end of your story, well done.

I could visualize the characters, camel, and actions, and see the straw being pitched and eventually breaking the camel's back.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
534
534
Review of The Dinner Guest  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I saw that coming because I've read or heard similar stories. I enjoyed your version very much. The angel was different and a nice change. It warmed my heart and it also caused me to ponder/reflect upon the meaning of this story because you never know when God or an angel will visit.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
535
535
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Some genres that would go with this story idea are crime, mystery, thriller, dark, suspense, emotional, and more. Using specific genres will help readers and the quills find this item.

I did not realize until reading the entire item, that it was based on actual events, true?

You could write this true story as a fictional story based on true facts.

Some considerations for creating a story that shows the reader what is happening are showing inward feelings and outward reactions or actions, using words that have action such as [she stomped to the door, yanked it open, and slammed it shut.] It takes more words but is more vivid and interesting compared to She was angry.

I hope your story develops well and shows characters, scenes, and has an inticeing plot that keeps readers wanting to know what happens next.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
536
536
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WdC, glad you are here and sharing your words.

For WdC members and the Quills to find your items, you should use genres that could go with your item. You could consider friendship which does not exactly match the idea but love and friendship often go together, Mystery because love is often mysterious, and human nature is also, or other similar genre relationships for your item.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
537
537
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know there are angels who are holy and who work for God. Also, there are angels who are not holy, are separated from God because of making the wrong choices, and they follow the devil. This is my understanding according to scripture.

You wrote an interesting story about angels that I hope will help people ponder about them and their activities among humans.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
538
538
Review of Night and Day  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
They didn't have what long? A relationship, life, separation until they met? I had to know so continued to read your story.

The beginning paragraph about Annabel and her normal day at the coffee shop seems to have some omissions/typos. I wonder how she was feeling inside and how she reacted to her feelings outwardly?

I didn't get it at first, Annabel Day is her full name and this is partly why the paragraph seemed awkward, oops. I think Day and Night are last names, correct?

On the fourth division, you use "rumbled" twice in the same sentence. Using a different word to describe His soul rumbling would be better to show how he reacted. If not, the map and X's might be a distraction or twist if this story is expanded. There is a lot of potential for this story to grow.ted to the situation inside as well as show the outside response. How did he feel and react? Why?

Erasmus growled and complained with clenched teeth or in some other manner?

The story seemed to quickly and abruptly and have a disasterous ending. My guess is that that bomb was set by Erasmus maybe, or he at least was involved with sinister activities.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
539
539
Review of decievement  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It's good to see you on WdC; welcome.

Nonsense perhaps, but maybe a bit more truth in some cases.

Reading your nonsense was a bit bumpy, but because of the genre list at the pot left of the page, I was able to understand your intent to a degree. I wonder what prompted this nonsense and how much is actually nonsense versus some truth of the matter. It's a crazy world these days. Your poem just might reflect some of the craziness, true?

For genres, other is nondescript and in order to be found easier, you should consider something like mystery because your poem is a bit of a mystery, or suspense because it does in a way cause a suspenseful feeling while the reader is considering the purpose and meaning of your poem, or some other genre that even though it may be a bit of a stretch still would fit a category of some genre or other.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
540
540
Review of The Story WC 249  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your story can be a tear-filled reading experience except although they had a great loss of a loved one, that loved one communicates with them and is probably watching over them. I'm sure they felt emptiness and grief but still, somehow sometimes the feeling of a loved one nearby is possible.

I wonder what happened before this loss of a loved one, what happened days, months, or years later? This story could be expanded.

It could tell more about who these people are and show how they reacted when the mother died.

{c:I wonder what the wife/mother was like?

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
541
541
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You nailed it, you blew me away, and you showed a very clear and emotional picture of the flag waving as she cries. You also showed the heartbreak, sacrifice, and injury of the United States and those brave souls who have served and defended us.

Thank you for writing a wonderful tribute and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
542
542
Review of Prayer For Love  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem was a prayer to God which is wonderful. I don't want to be deceived, and I also want to be the person God wants me to be, like HIm in every way. I can see and feel this in your words. This has been a wonderful and enjoyable reading experience.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
543
543
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You wrote a bizarre story of accidental and deliberated murder that shows the evil-mindedness of a person who it seems is driven by greed, power, and possibly money. The Machine seemed innocent enough and so did the placement of it, but I wonder about this because even though the victim was unintended, it could have been placed there for someone else.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
544
544
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I could see the flag waving as it shed tears. I could feel the wonder as well as the sadness. Your poem story is a wonderful tribute to the many people who have served our country in the military and also to our flag.

I found the statement about it raining all day heavily to be a bit awkward. I would change had which is past tense to was or perhaps even rearrange the words so that the sentence was a smoother reading experience for the reader. Or something mentioning the rain dripping all day from the flag which I believe would get the reader to see this in their mind's eye. And, after this statement the other about the flag crying tears would possibly have more of an impact upon the scene.

Flickering off the ends is a good visual, but you have referred to the flag as "she". [...flickering off her ends] would give the flag more of a personality and help keep the wording concise for the reader.

Thank you for writing this wonderful poem and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
545
545
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Peace is a great idea and the characters' efforts to work toward this are believable but they are presented in a stilted and sterile manner. They seem to be a bit robotic because of the way the words are arranged, the sentence structure and the ideas are presented.

The plot is decent but it seems a bit stiff and strained because of the way the words and sentences are written. They are more like a matter of facts and not related to emotions or actions.

This story is much like the other story I reviewed earlier and this style is getting old very fast.

There is potential for this story and the other one if it has more humanity involved in showing the reader emotions, actions, and information about the scene and the environment.

Human insights and creativeness make a huge difference for me. I hope you add more humanity to your stories, please.

Thank you for writing [A.I] but human writing is better, and for sharing your word art such as it is with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
546
546
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
These seem to be random thoughts chained together by similar topics or at least having something slight in common.

Genres: other than "other" could be personal, drama, mystery--mystery of life-thoughts, adventure--thoughts on an adventure, or whatever else is even slightly related to what you write.

Sinking in the ocean, to me, may not exactly be a good reason for liking or loving the ocean. Are you referring to the buoyancy of the ocean, or is being jumbled something significant?

Your jumbled thoughts are nice and interesting, but you could expand this story by showing more of your reacions and feelings.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
547
547
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I could see and feel the actions as you tended to your plants. It was as if I helped you and we both pondered the question.

I enjoy plants and it was an enjoyable read learning about your plants.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
548
548
Review of My Mom is Me  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Being the daughter you have a lot of your mother in you which I understand.
Your words flowed well and I was able to follow the story, and ideas, and get to know more about you and your mom.

What I didn't fully understand was when you wrote that you got married to keep your mother's memory. Did you not marry for any other reasons such as falling in love?

Feelings can bring a poetry story or any story into focus for the reader. How did you feel when you wrote this poem and how do you feel now? I hope you feel better and are thriving.

I can understand missing your mom because I miss my mom too.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
549
549
Review of Something New  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The rhythm of your words are like a sweet song of love. They drew me forward and into your poem story. I was able to imagine the scene and feel the passion.

One important message you can incorporate into this poem is that even things get old, if taken care of they become precious antiques to be respected and cherished. This is so for people too, although they should be respected and cherished always.

Another aspect that could enhance this story is that there are different kinds or levels of love. Brotherly love or friendship love or love of country for example.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
550
550
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A.I. stories seem to be like something on autopilot rather than a work of word art. This story is interesting, but the A. I. thing is foremost in my mind. How much of this story was written by you verses written by A.I.?

I would have liked to know a bit more about Elias and his inner feelings. How did he react to situations for example? Was he really seeking power for himself or was he seeking it for the benefit of everyone? It seems that he has a good heart with good intentions.

Adding more showing of reactions between Elias and his situations, responses between him and people, and betwseen him and the power would greatly enhance and bring this story to life. Would he feel better if this power were somehow destroyed?

The interesting part of this story is that the power can be whatever the person decides; used for good or for evil.

I am glad that Elias decided to return to his former self. I wonder how he felt after making this dicision?

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,325 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vpbanjo/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/22