HI ridinghhood! Yay! I am happy to review your piece in "I Write in 2018! I enjoy learning about your Goddess Tarot as I am not familiar with that set.
The title of the work is evocative and really suit the picture with its theme..edge of road, edge of poverty, edge of nature vs man etc. Your response to the prompt was brilliant and moving as I could feel the intensity of the meeting of the two women.
The unique images and words like "ghost particles" and "blazars of edgework" are thought provoking and vivid.
I appreciate the scientific with the personal! Wonderful free style with clear image and potent message.
Thanks for sharing your engaging vision. I loved it!
Wow! A poem in 24 syllables Great job! I missed this prompt and I love the colour blue!
I so enjoyed the content of your expression and especially the last line. I felt the sense of freedom. The image of the sky and birds on the wing was perfect one to inspire the idea of freedom too. Watching birds gliding in the blue yonder comes to mind. Gulls over water are a favourite as I used to live near a park by a bay and would watch them soar.
This poem captures the flavour of Azure in a vivid picture that was easy to enter. Thanks for sharing your vision.
HI celticsea! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
I found this recent piece that had no stars or review so here I am. The topic is timely and the feeling of confusion and query is evident in your weaving. It must be difficult to be dwelling in such times. I like the desireable image at the end...very clear what the poet would like to do...as if what else could one do.
The voice speaking to qualities of America is original and brings to attention the ideals of the country. The poem reflects on relevant questions.
The poem is well composed with an effective rhyme sheme. Good on you for having so many interesting and thematic words with the same end sound! It is not an easy feat!
You really make a statement to engage one's thought. Thanks for sharing your commentary and craft.
HI Survivor48! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
What a wonderful image to show determination in the face of adversity. I like how the runner deals with delay and keeps his focus on finishing at his own pace, forgoing comparison with fellow racers. Inspiring message.
The couplet verses are coherent and free style in form, easy to read and ponder. Your use of consonance is effective to create interesting soundscape as I read aloud.
I wonder if using a direct form of the word "challenge" would make more sense than "challenging" in verse 3. "I challenge" gives a clear beginning as a sentence (for your succeeding verses) as you have in the previous verses.
Thanks for sharing your vision with its clear image of the inner thoughts of the runner in the race.
Hi ridinghood! I am happy to review your entry in the "I write 2018" contest!
I do enjoy oriental style poetry so Yay for you entering the contest! I like the idea of tarot as inspiration too.
The title gives a definite theme and your Paythya Vat has a powerful vibe. I was engaged by the first alliterative line which had a strong voice, almost a command. The imagery is so clear as well. The notion of protective robes is evocative.
It was pleasant to read aloud with effective soundscape and flow. I liked how your last line gave the vibe of a slower pace to indicate safety. Brilliant!
The only thing I noted was that in the form line 2 and 3 should rhyme. I liked the assonance of your two end words here though. I imagine it is difficult to get this imagery into the form.
I have never heard of the person you tribute ... and wow! Potent voices all round! Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.
Welcome to WDC Luna! So happy you have posted your gifts here!
I was engaged by the simple title as it made me think of country fields and had me curious as to what particular field you would take me to.
Your images are vivid with active verbs like "squelches", "stride" and "trudge" ! I could imagine it! You did an effective job of contrasting the beauty of flowers and the rot and thorns part of the journey in the field. Reminds me of life's ups and downs and hidden stresses. I liked the idea that tredding too heavily reveals the danger.
I wondered at your repeating the same idea twice in the last 3 lines. Yet the last two lines seem to reveal a message to sum up.
The free style of poem suits your theme and content. I wondered if there was a more descriptive word than "overwhelming". I will dream! I wanted to tweak the line with try for more potency: like "As I look closer, I discover the source: Thorns and nettles..." Just an idea.
Thanks for sharing your vision, into which I enjoyed entering! I love nature and how it evokes our muses to ponder life! Keep on writing!
Wow! I was drawn to your curious title as it gave me something to ponder: mortality as an art! Cool.
What a brilliant and original concept you create at the end.!
The voice of the speaker is clear and has a comforting yet practical tone as he explains the situation. I like the idea of speaking to the deceased. Kind of creepy yet it felt like the speaker knew the guy would be keen to know, perhaps he was a scientist of some sort when he was alive.
A few glitches I noticed:
I wondered about this part of line three "and for that I am heartfully sorry". as you already said you were sorry in the first part of the line.
In paragraph 9 you need a comma or revision at "and not with us" as the first line is only a phrase..and needs to connect to something.
The long line after "eulogy of sorts" is confusing and could be tightened up a bit for clarity.
I really liked the name for graveyards as if is unexpected and fits with your title and theme. Thanks for sharing your genius vision! Keep on writing!
Welcome White Hiawatha to WDC! Yay! Thanks for posting your work with us!
Your title is dark and right on the topic and your personification of Death is brilliant. Having death as the speaker is brilliant and as he can address us with "you" makes it more personal encounter, which drew me into the poem.
I enjoyed the vivid pictures you painted in the first two verses to set the tone and engage the reader into his dream. The poem feels like a quatrain with 4 line verses that rhyme consistently. The flow is fairly smooth though the rhythm of syllables is not exact. It was still an pleasure to read aloud.
The punctuation served the read though I think you need a comma after "sea" as it connects with the next lines and periods after "fate" and "impatient" to be consistent with your use of natural punctuation style.
Thanks for sharing this vivid vision with a clear message from Death! Well done!
Your title drew my attention as it evoked interest and was a sad theme. I wanted to see what it was about. I was drawn right into the scene from the first where you introduce Kyra with a clear description. I could imagine her then in the chair avoiding the share. Your description in the scene was detailed. I liked how you gave her impression of the others. And how you dividing the dialogue lines by having her give the reason and then draw us into the room before we find out about the pact.
I really felt the vibes in the last line and it made me curious to know whether they all survived. Your use of the word :"were" suggests that they are no longer, which made me really feel worse for Kyla. A very powerful line to end up with.
In the second last paragraph I think "was" needs to be "were four".
This was a moving story and I think could be continued. I want to know how she will get through it. Good job hooking me in.
Wow! This expression is a potent commentary of our times and you bring awareness to many of the issues and the apathy present today. The quote is wonderful and your answer to it at the end is brilliant and rather sad! The idea that we have "smart bombs" and "dumbing of America" are potent ones.
The prose/poem appears as a quatrain with a consistent rhyme scheme and a varying free style rhythm, which suits the amount of detail and theme of the opinion piece. I noticed a few off rhymes and the ones in second last verse don't really not a rhyme but for the vowel sounds. Still your points are well made.
I really admire your use of vocabulary and getting ideas to fit into a form with rhyme. The intensity is born out in the long thematic words! Your tone is vibrant and your vision is vivid enough to evoke reaction...what a wake up call!
Thanks for sharing your craft and heart felt expression! Keep on writing.
HI fivesixer! How great this popped up on the Read and Review Page today!
Your title is evocative and encapsules your message. Unique thought! I like the theme of music connecting people and the symbol of "My noise".
The free style had its own flow and I only got stuck abit with the fifth line when yoyu seemed to change voice. First you are talking to the "YOU" as in "lose your heart to." and then the next lines seem factual with "it hums..." I was expecting maybe "Let it hum...etc. and "will be a part of you".. as you are asking the you to carry it as an imperative. After "without" the flow was coherent.
It might just be me misinterpretting.... or grammar nut! LOL
You have a vivid imagery and I enjoyed reading lines like alliterative "wicked, whimpering shell" and words like "ripples" and "clamour" are active and even "spun backwards" fit the musical theme.
Thanks for sharing your original voice and vision as usual. Very engaging. *starstuck*
HI Shopgirl! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
I like the whimsical image in the title that engaged me and applying it to nature is so appealing. I could really enter into your vision as it reflects my own experience. The detail and imagery is vivid in your descriptions and there is a vibration of appreciation of the environment you are observing.
Word choice is appropriate for theme and creates a wonderful soundscape as I read it aloud. I liked "gutteral conversations" and the personification of the moon. I did think "peacefully" was not quite as descriptive, not sure how you could describe it instead. Your use of poetic tricks like assonance and consonance is effective.
I wondered about the tense in the first verse... "has given way". The rest is the present tense, which really works. Perhaps "is giving way" would keep it in the now. Just a thought.
I just wondered at the punctuation at the end.
In the last verse, I think you need a period after "dark" or begin the next line with "as" to join it more smoothly. Then the last line is not a complete sentence so maybe a comma after "pond".
I could so imagine the scene at the end, the night music of people by the lake. So much coming to life in the summer night.
Thanks for sharing your vision that engaged me and your free style structure that fit the theme and content. I love the sense of awe and wonder
Light on the path as you write on and enjoy your next year at WDC!!
HI celticsea! Happy Day! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
I could not resist checking out your oriental poems! I think I wrote one of these Than-Bauk and found it a challenge. Yours is awesome and shares a meaningful message! Wow!
It was pleasant to read aloud with its rhyme scheme and interesting words. The poem appears to have the correct form according to your note. I was not aware of the continuation pattern so I am glad I read the note. The message is well conceived and the idea of "sidetracked" and viewpoints attacked is brilliant!
Thanks for sharing your vision and craft! I admire and was engaged in this poem.
Welcome to WDC MysteryBox42! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
This was fun to read and I like your imagination about how King got himself to ride a bike. Brilliant! You did a good job keeping the intensity of a flash piece and the twist at the end was effective.
You engaged by attention from the first lines where you set up the mystery. The horror aspect was vivid and your description was detailed. I smiled at the comparison to the Challenger and the sound without the baseball cards.
There should be a comma after "darkness" I think before "darkness". The adverb "crazily" does not really describe so I can see what it looks like. A rule of thumb is to use less adverbs and more vivid ones.
I was really entertained by your story, well composed, exciting and easy to follow. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft!
Welcome to WDC Midnight Angel! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
Wow. Your poem evokes a sadness somehow. I really like the way you express this "hollow" feeling. The repeated OK is so effective like an echo and using the word "haunted" bears that out. Onecan sense the way the poet may not have been ok but unwilling to open the mask. Brilliant.
The free style poem suits the content and emotion. Your weaving made its mark.
Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. Keep on writing from your heart!
Welcome again to WDC and happy writing and reviewing!
Hi Jay! I found this wonderful poem on the Read and Review Page! What a wonderful treasure to hold of your father! And to the tribute you are to him as a poet as well walking the walk.
It is amazing how he got main ideas of the old and new testament as well as the journey of the boy into this story poem complete with rhyme.
It is a challenge to do! I was not throw out of the read though the rhythm was not always even..more a free style that way..which suits the theme and content. It was quite moving how the boy grew up looking after his mom and tussled with his call.
Thanks for sharing this vivid vision and creation. It must be rewarding to have this memento of your dad. Wonderful poem.
Hi Kurt. I came across this potent little poem on the Read and Review page. What a delight to read your work again.
You say a lot in a few words creating an image and feeling so clearly. I loved the third line as it made me feel a bit sad, evoquing an idea that we are fearful to ask for what we need and for some it is so hidden and unseen.
It was pleasant to read aloud as your use of poetic techniques like consonance and assonance was effective and added to the flow. Even the off rhyme works. The notion of "undoled" is evocative and unique. It is an interesting turn to use the word "incessant" after the the noun "search" as I would have taken it for a verb and used "incessantly" for correct grammar. Is it a dreamer's search or that dreamers search... I took the second one as true. Thus "incessant" threw me out a bit...yet makes sense to the whole.
Thanks for the vision and the reminder Love is the answer. Write on!
HI Jaiam! Your fun little poem popped up on the Read and Review page and I got a kick out of the title. Don't we all have a perfect dream? So it was fun reading one of yours.
What a delightful image of romance and love! I had to laugh at the second verse...as it would be cool if you woke to it! LOL
The free style of three line verses work for the content and it was fun to read. The rhyme scheme was consistent though the last line has a rather off rhyme. It did not throw me out of the read as it was entertaining and one can feel the excitement in the end.
I think you need a comma after "me" in verse one to connect with the last line of verse one.
Thanks for sharing your vision. I had fun! Keep on writing!
Hi Kurt! Guess what popped up on Read and Review? I was lured by the evocative title wondering what was denied!
The first two lines drew my attention as the idea was unique and gave pause as to what one would do should it happen. The poem is rather spooky as I continued to the third line where the poet signed the invite. Whew!
I admired the creativity and the imagery from beginning to end as you use the metaphor of the post, using apt words like "sealed" and "stamped". Cool! The notion of "sealed with a memory" is neat. The last line felt like waking from a dream. LOL Not quite a happy circumstance.
The free style fit the content and it was appealing to read aloud. The tone is clear and the soundscape effective in creating a flow. The "s" sounds are really noticeable.
I loved this original musing. Thanks for sharing your vision.
Keep on writing on!
Welcome to WDC Trish! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
Wow! Your expression is a wonderful and I enjoyed the read. You really captured the experience in living language that was vivid and the tone and emotion was potent. The images were so real and the speaker's voice is consistent. What a day!
The free style verse suited the theme and content as it runs like a story. The addition of bits of rhyme and effective enjambments added to the flow as I read aloud. Good word choice shows use of repeated sounds as well. I was able to read it in a coherent manner even without punctuation..as I know punctation is a choice as long as it is consistent. I think not using it adds to the atmosphere of anxiety you produce. One feels relief at the end!
Fabulous vision. Thanks for sharing your gift! Keep on Writing!
Welcome to WDC Kenneth! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
I was caught by the flowing title and the notion of poetry as movement.
Wow! Giving tribute to mentor poets is brilliant and the voice addressing them is consistent throughout the weaving. I enjoyed the free style with its free rhyme and word choice. the repeated words illustrate the cyclic pattern and help create your image of poetry in motion. Well done.
The only line that threw me was the "I won't never rest". Do mean you won't ever rest? Otherwise I think it means I will not never rest? and does the next line follow from it? I just got a bit confused there.
I found that particular font hard to read, but that is just me. LOL
Thanks for sharing your vision and gift. I had fun spinning with you!
I liked the evocative title of this piece and it made me curious. I enjoy philosophical and wisdom themes. This short poem reveals your thoughts on what creates basis of friendships. It really gives me something to ponder on.
The three line free verse is simple and clear in tone and intent. Mutual trust can be value as well as trust that people will be who they are even if they make mistakes.
I did wonder about "onward path" and whether the word "common" goes with that as well. eg, does friendship require people going a similar direction. And it would seem reasonable that the path would be onward in anycase..rather than backward. I will ponder more.
Hi tucknits! Long time no see so here I am! I found this title and could not resist butter! Yum!!
What a simple and vivid expression! I fell right into the vision with its appeal to the senses. I have heard of this Brevee form but never written one. Thanks for the note on it. "sixains" what a word!
Your composition is sound given the parameters! I like the rhymes and imagine that would be hard to do when you only have two syllables in some lines. You nailed it.
It was pleasnt to read aloud with its short lines, fine rhyme and soundscape. Your use of assonance and consonance was effective. Lots of visual appeal and I can recall fresh bread from the oven and melted butter on it. We would come home off the bus on bread making day and yum!
This reminds me to of a kid's poem with it simple image and short lines. Wonderfully tastey!
Thanks for sharing your gift and vision.
Welcome to WDC! I am here with a review to celebrate you!
Wow! Your story engaged me right from the start. Your description of the scene and action was vivid and I could imagine it. I felt sorry for Luke and the father caught in his own addictive cycle. It is so realistic. I think you got the father's two minds very well.
The writing was coherent and easy to follow and the dialogue correctly done and purposeful to the story line. It added drama and reality to the characters and action.
I just noticed a few missing commas in the last paragraph.
You need a period after "road" before the last line.
Also I think you need to use "that place" for "this place" as we know he is not in the forest yet.
I like that the boy gets away and wonder why he thought the father would be seen from where he was as he left him in the house. I thought maybe he was used to him following him? You leave us with a bit of a mystery and I can see where the story might continue. I could imagine that perhaps the father did something as he felt bad.
I enjoyed the read! Thank you for sharing your gift and vision!
Keep on writing. And have fun at WDC.
Any queries, just shout!
HI Percy! I found this wonderful expression on the Read and Review Page and had to stop and say WOW!
I so enjoyed the eloquence of the language as I read it aloud. The quatrains were well composed. Its flow was pleasing with an effective balance in verse, rhythm and rhyme. The soundscape showed a fine use of assonance and consonance that gave the flow its elegance. I noticed the "l",
"r" and "s" as in "living Legacy" and "resume, rescue right from wrong" etc.
The repeated words in your queries and indeed, the use of questions added drama and made me ponder as I entered into the philosophic theme.
I notice the syllables in each line are not always in a pattern..there are a few longer lines, yet I was not thrown out of the read.
The theme of tomorrow's child is relevant and the choice of polarity is ever present.
The image in the first two verses drew me in as the description of this child is vivid and I felt sad if the dark will be the fate. I like the way you banter and compare the light with dark in the questions and I like to think there is a hopeful intent. Words like "nurture", "sunbeams" and "love" shine as positive images.
Thank you for sharing your craft and vision. I so enjoyed the experience.