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Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Flight  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pixie,

Happy WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'Flight'

Title:Your title works well with your poem.

Description: Your description and title work together to draw people into your port to read this poem.

Contents:Airy and light, freedom and joy, are all found within your words. The poem flows well and ins quite enjoyable.

Thumbs up:For the joyous nature of this poem.

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors in conventions.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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77
77
Review of Reflections  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Randall Mann,

Happy Second WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'Reflections'

Title:Your title works well with your poem.

Description: I'm glad you highlighted this poem, a first attempt... wow!

Contents:You've captured imagery, and delightful metaphor that a romance writer struggles to capture and hold in a novel or novella. Very well done. Your poem flows well with a delicate balance.

Thumbs up:
"The endless night begins to fall, the hours drag on as so.
Like the morning sun you come and like the wind you go.
So yet I take you as I have, and seek no more to ask.
a gentle moment, held for now, as through a looking glass."

This verse resonates with me. It Sings of taking grasping the moment at hand, not letting the precious moments together be fleeting and inconsequential.

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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78
78
Review of The Damage Done  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Marty,

Happy WDC First Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'The Damage Done'

Title:Your title works well with your poem.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:You've written quite a poem. It's voice is clear, the damage done is palpable. I would suggest using punctuation, even though poetry doesn't have to 'follow' punctuation rules, I think it would help your reader with the phrasing.

Thumbs up:

Conventions:The first line, I think I would make it The damage is done... you cannot conceive, the damage done...

peoples should have an appostrophe

You might want to consider adding line space where you want people to pause... there are natural breaks in the flow.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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79
79
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SpidyDayne,

Happy WDC First Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'The Rose and the Butterfly'

Title:Perfect title for your poem.

Description: Your title and your description work well with your work.

Contents:Such hard choices we have to make in life. Torn between two beauties, the butterfly and the rose. How does one choose?

Thumbs up: Your metaphor is used consistently through out the poem. Nicely done.

Conventions:typo- the child is confuse.... should be confused.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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80
80
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Shining Sword,

Happy WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review "Dance of our Lives

Title:Your title fits your poem

Description: Interesting description.

Contents: Your poem makes me think about Dancing with the Stars. Having the courage to get up, on stage in front of hundreds of people, millions on TV and dancing.

Thumbs up:Inspiration- no matter what... never ever give up!That's the message I've taken with me.

Conventions:
Where there are, who dance alone Where there are ++ those++ who dance alone,

We all have the step to follow
Were some of us,
Fail to do so
first line-- steps, second line - where

Step upon your feet steps

And there will be a time
When we fall,
We cannot continue to dance
There will be times, when we fall, and cannot continue to dance.

That you will be dancing leave out the word THAT

In a stageOn the stage

When we fall or fail Since you have fall previously, I'd just use fail

Til the the song of our life end ends instead of end.



Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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81
81
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Art Crusade,

I’m honored to read and review "The Demon of Gadara' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Interesting title.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:You've chosen your words well. Your poem flows, and builds in intensity and then ebbs to be brought back to a crescendo.

Thumbs up:
“They get their way, I fade away –
Oh God, my mind fades to grey!”>>> These lines remind me of the Alzheimer's world.

Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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82
82
Review of Grief Displaced  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ghostofgauss,

I’m honored to read and review 'Grief Displaced' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:I wasn't sure where your title was leading me when I clicked on it to read.

Description: There are some that will skip over this piece because it references 9/11, proving your point about apathy.

Contents:That is a day I will never forget. I was teaching. One of my coworkers brother worked in the tower. She couldn't reach him, scared to death for him and her mother that lived blocks from the towers in a third floor walk up. Thankfully, he had a dentist appointment and wasn't there that morning.

A second friend didn't have it that lucky. Her mother worked on the floor where the second plane hit. She had just talked to her ten minutes before the first plane hit, the last time she heard her mother's voice.

That day, touched so many lives, so far and wide. It proved how small our world really is.

Thumbs up:Thank you for sharing. I know it had to be difficult to pen this piece.

Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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83
83
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Kare Enga in cold Montana,

I’m honored to read and review 'Of Mice, Owls and Moonflowers' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title intrigued me.

Description: You've enticed the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:What an interesting challenge! From silent wings death descends and the seeds left hiding will have their chance to germinate and create new life. The circle complete.

Thumbs up:I love challenges where you look at something from a different point of view. It takes you outside of the norm and opens new experiences as a writer.

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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84
84
Review of Pack bag and left  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Markyap,

I’m honored to read and review 'Pack Bag and Left' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title works well with your poem.

Description:Your description entices the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:While your poem is short, it packs a punch. As parents, its the last thing we want to see. Our own mortality would be easier to stomach than the mortality of our children. We'd rather mark and remember the firsts... the first steps, first words, first dates instead of the losses.

Thumbs up:Our children have take up the mantle left for them. Some will come home safely, some will come home forever changed, and others will find their home in the heavenly Father's garden of peace, one can only hope and pray.

Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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85
85
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi The Inky Feather,

I’m honored to read and review 'To the Ends of the Earth' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:An interesting title for your poem.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:You have created a story in a poem form. It's interesting and heart touching. Grief is such a powerful emotion. It fills the heart with longing. I think you've captured that sense with your words.

Thumbs up:
"On my shoulder
Draped his warm hand
He looked so sad
Spoke many words I can't recall
Meaning drifted away" I think everyone that has lost someone knows those words that people say. You get to the point where you don't hear them anymore.

Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
86
86
Review of Necromancy  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Mister S.,

Happy WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'Necromancy' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title works perfectly with your poem.

Description: Boy! If this is the result of a quick writing session, I need you to rub off on me! Your poem deserves a better description though. Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:You've created the scene, the action, the characters. All interwoven into a truly marvelous poem. I'd love to know what happens next.

Thumbs up:I love your refrain. It could possibly use a comma after life, but it is totally up to you. I am far from being a comma police!

Conventions:Beautifully written, no suggestions to make.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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87
87
Review of The Luring  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Fairport,

I’m honored to read and review for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:I don't think I want that kind of Luring anytime soon! Very appropriate for your poem.

Description: Your description is short and sweet. In combination with the title, I think you have successfully created an enticing pair that should get people into your port to read further.

Contents:A very haunting poem. One where you can almost feel the Reaper's breath on the hairs that are sticking up on your neck. Very nicely done!

Thumbs up:I love the imagery you've used in your poem. It is one that I'd love to read to some students and see what their artistic imaginations come up with.

Conventions:I noticed no errors. I have no suggestions that would add to your piece. It's about as perfect as could be.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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88
88
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Robert 'Bobcat',

I’m honored to read and review 'The Song of Season' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title is very appropriate for your piece.

Description: You've enticed the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work. Those that love music should be curious to read what you have in store for them.

Contents:Your words flow with the grace of delightful poetry. It builds and made me wonder why you didn't take a more poetic form. The scene you've set unfolds before the read with ease.

Thumbs up:Your words are hauntingly powerful, and very enjoyable to the ear.

Conventions: I would suggest that you go back and break it into paragraphs as it is hard to read with the small print and all in one block. I copied it and pasted it into a word doc to use a bigger font for my ease in reading.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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89
89
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Maverick,

Happy WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'Papa and the Pines' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title works very well with your poem.

Description: You've enticed the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work. They are going to want to find out what must be done.

Contents:Your story in poetic form is crisp and airy, then at the end, the twist into the darkness. It's well laid out, and flows with ease. A very enjoyable ditty.

Thumbs up:I can just see a child responding like the boy does in the poem. "I'm brave..." a sense of false bravado, but as long as Papa is near, he'll be brave.

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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90
90
Review of This Old House  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi W. D. Wilcox,

I’m honored to read and review 'This Old House' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:When I read the title my mind immediately went to Bob Villa's old television show. Great title for your poem.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:This old house, my mind raced as I read your poem. I thought of the house being a money pit. Throwing money in, getting little but more repair bills in the end.

I thought about how old houses creak and moan settling into their age. My grandma's house did that.

Memories and emotions filled my senses, then you lead me down the path to the evil old house... the one that steals the souls. My how my mind twisted to get around that! Very nicely played out!

Thumbs up:"When people pass by and look at the place,
they’ll see your old house with a smile on its face." I had to smile thinking about how kids draw houses that look like that. Very symmetrical, almost smiling with the windows as eyes, the door as the nose, the steps as the stoop.

Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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91
91
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Damned-Forever,

I’m honored to read and review 'The Pale Faced Man' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:

Description: First and foremost, I love Poe. I have since... well, I'm not saying how long ago, but I was in 9th grade when I really delved into his works.

Contents:Your poem is Poe-esk in feel. It is a poem that begs the reader to speak the words so that the proper intonations emanate from within. It is eerie, and foreboding. You've chosen your words well and with them it gives the piece its power.

Thumbs up:I'm so sorry, I've tried to pick out my favorite lines for a Thumbs up, but... I can't choose.. Thumbs up to the whole poem!

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors, I was too busy getting my 'Poe' voice on.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
92
92
Review of We  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Mad Madam Mim-Nanomizing, (Cute handle!)

I’m honored to read and review 'We' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Perfect title for your poem.

Description: I'm glad you dusted this off and shared. Tease the masses, they may think... oh this is nothing new, truly it would be their loss.

Contents:You've created an enjoyable little ditty. I honestly could see this being used in a lower elementary classroom in so many different ways. I hate that poetry month is in April, when test fever is just blatantly sucking the joy out of learning. Enough of my soap box. I love the ease of this poem. It flows well as you read it aloud. I really think kids would get a kick out of it.

Thumbs up:The first four lines capture the imagination by creating a visual image that all can enjoy.

Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
93
93
Review of Working on it  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi R. C. Western,

I’m honored to read and review 'Working on it' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Sometimes the title just doesn't show itself. It will come.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work. I realize that this is early in the process, and I usually don't tackle descriptions until I've edited several times, but when you're ready make the 90 characters count.

Contents:Wow, Jason is in a real pickle! You've started with a bang, and I do hope you'll continue to work on your story. I'd love to read it when you're finished.

Thumbs up:I had a friend once tell me, start with great action then weave in the details. A lot of what's in the first paragraph can be woven into the second as flashes of thought going through his head, there on the ground.

Conventions:Keep going! Please send me a note when your done. I'll come back and re-review for you.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
94
94
Review of Not Even Death  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Elizjohn,

I’m honored to read and review 'Not Even Death' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title is very appropriate for your flash piece.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:The glimpse of time you shared with the reader begs for more. Perhaps, you will come back to this and enlighten us with the back story. Why had she taken the pills? Why did he feel compelled to slit his own wrists? Why the death rattling scream?
There's almost a noir feeling to this piece. For some reason, I can envision the old black and white movies. This scene opening the film and then the back story playing out leading the audience back to the beginning.

Thumbs up:This is a very creative moment in... eternity, I guess it would be appropriate to say.

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
95
95
Review of Haunted Dream  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Bikergirl35,

I’m honored to read and review 'Haunted Dream' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Your title is very appropriate, but almost gives away too much.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:You've woven a tale of a couple who obviously love each other. Thoughts and dreams of being left behind when the other crosses over tend to fill the mind when one is 'my age'. It's time like that when you realize how much that other person really means to you.

Thumbs up:For realizing that life is fleeting, and we all need to hear those three little words. "I love you."

Conventions:As you stand there starring at me staring

No longer my feels I can hide feelings instead of feels?

Urning for you to be by my side Yearning for you...

Could this have been a dream Needs a question mark

Waking you up with a touch to you head your head

The look of confusion I seen in you I see in you.. I see in your eyes??

Remember I love you to the moon Remember, I love you to the moon.


Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
96
96
Review of Horse  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi The Quill Dragon,

I’m honored to read and review 'Horse' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:I can't think of a better title. It's very appropriate.

Description: You've enticed the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:I love the depth of description you've used in your piece. The contrast between Horse and it's soul, the Ocean of Souls, the journey of life all wind together to form a tender and touching piece.

Thumbs up:Your ending paragraph sums up everything so beautifully.

Conventions:I didn't notice any conventional errors. I was wrapped in the story and found my solace there.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
97
97
Review of Under the Water  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Caledonia Lass,

I’m honored to read and review 'Flash Fiction- Untitled' for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:Oh please find a title to your liking. The Watery Quilt, Underwater Loneliness, something... anything this piece is begging for a title.

Description: Punch up your description. This is where people decided if they even want to bother. Entice the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.... It's too good not to have something to tease people in to read!

Contents:It may be flash fiction, but it's tight, spot on. You've pulled this reader in and held me captive with your words. I can envision everything happening right before me as I read your short piece.

Thumbs up:"Milky white, pupil-less, they captured and held my gaze, forcing me to hold my breath." Everything you've written has led up to the dead white eyes opening. So cool!

Conventions:I didn't notice any errors. I have no suggestions that would make your flash fiction stronger... other than to make it a piece of fiction and tell me more!

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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98
98
Review of "Ashley "  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Kate,

I’m honored to read and review "Ashley" for the Power Reviewers Haunting the Halls Supernatural Weekend Raid.

Title:It makes me wonder how this Ashley is going to play out in this story.

Description: You've enticed the readership of WDC to open and take a peek at your work.

Contents:This is a beginning, the formation of the characters. Some would say, start with action and then fill in. You have to follow your heart. It will be interesting to see how the curse plays out in your story.

Thumbs up:You've created a picture of a scene, and started introducing your characters. Good luck as you continue filling out this piece.

Conventions:
The harsh water trickled down the stream adjacent to the house, Coye our Irish setter laid at Emily my wife’s feet. Make this two sentences. Put a period after house. After Emily you need a comma.

Hes head on hes paws as he guarded my wife; he always looked after my Emily ever since her mother had passed away. Hes>> should be His. This could also be two sentences.

“Dave “Emily smiled as she gently rocked Hunter in her arms , Hunter was my 2 year old infant son he had little hair but hes cheeks were so soft . Two sentences again, and his instead of hes.

“Dave “she repeated again as I hitched Kimmy up onto my shoulder and grabbed Tylers little hand . “lets go find Muma “ "Dave," she... Tyler's

“lets go find Muma “I smiled as we walked towards Emily , as we approached her form little Hunter had fallen asleep on her shoulder as she pushed a strand of her silky blonde hair behind her ear . 'L' should be capitalized, there needs to be a comma after Muma, then the quotation marks before you make a space. You have a whole lot of 'as' in this sentence, it could be easily changed into more sentences.

I moved behind her placing a gentle kiss on her head as she gazed up at me “ hes asleep”she smiled as I glanced down at my love , her pale cream complexion set off her almond eyes perfectly . Period after me. "He's asleep," she smiled...

I'm not sure if this is the case, but it may be helpful to you. I rarely type anything in the box to submit. I have a hard time reading the small print. Anyway, I usually create a document in word and then drag it over when I'm ready to submit. It's a relatively new feature and I love it. I can do all of my editing before I drag and drop the submission in place.

Seeing as you just submitted this piece, and it's listed as Chapter 1, it is a nice beginning. With all beginnings, there is that process of getting the ideas on paper. Editing and revising comes later.


Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Cracks  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Gemma,

Happy First WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'The Cracks'

Title:The title works well with your poem.

Description: There are so many that fall through the cracks, this day and age. It intrigued me to see what you were thinking about.

Contents:You've chosen in intriguing metaphor to use in your poem, and you've tried to pull more images in which kind of muddles your point.

You've asked the reader to interact, to contemplate the world's situation. The Fall of mankind? Maybe, or maybe just getting left behind. Interesting points to ponder.

Thumbs up:Falling in the cracks... the mirror, pavement, indifference, society.... much to think about.

Conventions:
Falling downwardly between the substantial, dark, cold cracks Downward is fine, downwardly isn't a word.

The cracks in what? The mirror? , No comma needed.The pavement? , No comma needed.
An indifferent life? Or the crack in society?



When even our own reflection doesn’t no know instead of no our place in this society

This is when we the crack in the mirror shows This is when we the crack .... this doesn't make sense

When our own likeliness likeness not LIKELY+ness has a split in it



Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
100
100
Review of Empty  
Review by Amay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Foxgopher,

Happy First WDC Anniversary!

I’m honored to read and review 'Empty'

Title:I think your title works well with your poem.

Description: I hope your poem helped. It sounds like a heart wrenching time.

Contents:Your words flow with the pain that is felt. It is palpable. The struggle, the torment, and the heartbreaking sadness has been recognized in hope for healing to begin.

To write something so powerful for a friend in need is a special gift. They may not recognize it, but with the passage time they will know that you were there, supporting in the way you knew how.

Thumbs up:
"Warm figures float in view

I cannot reach them, my barriers too great" We all have times when we erect walls to protect us, with time hopefully they'll come down.


Conventions:No errors noted.

Please remember, I'm just a writer like you, and always take reviews with a grain of salt. You have to decide what is best for your work and follow your heart.

Thank you for sharing your work here on WdC.

Amay

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


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