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My name is Bob, known here as the Candlemaker. This review is part of your shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Garden" . It is my pleasure to review for you today. Bear in mind, these comments are MY thoughts. Your piece is an expression of yourself. It is a part of you. After reading your fine piece, "My Guardian Angel" I offer you the following comments.
I like that you told us this is fiction. This is always helpful to know in reading a piece. This is a very strong poem and deeply emotional. In the third stanza, you seized my heartstrings with words like these:
I miss her, so much;
the pain is so real.
How could he do this?
I hated God,
I also love your line, “I feel her presence wherever I dwell.” This makes it extremely personal to me, like I’ve been there—done that.
Cisco, I’m so glad you punctuated this poem. Some poets do; some don’t. I happen to believe punctuation adds a LOT to poetry. Like me, you are a bit of a commaholic! I always figured when in doubt, drop in a comma. If I may, let me make some quick suggestions.
of nature’s gift (Use a comma.)
as a soul to guard? (Use a period.)
I miss her, (no comma)
I hated God, (no comma)
Thoughtful (Add a comma after thoughtful; it’s a new rule.) and kind.
the Angel must be, (no comma)
been with me, (no comma) since I was two!
I fell into this very lake, (Use a period instead of the comma.)
As I think back, (no comma)
My mind clears, (Use a period or semi-colon.)
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece! You’ve done a great job! My hat’s off to you.
And thanks for a delightful read.