This was a beautiful poem of thanking our Father in heaven. The rhythm and flow of this worked very well together. The only suggestion I have is in the first line, there needs to be a space in between the words Thank and You...Other than that, you did a wonderful job. Keep up the great writing!
This was a beautiful poem with great descriptions of the new morning. I can see the pink and white petals, drizzled in morning dew as I smell the coffee. I actually shivered when I read the line about the chill in the breeze. Keep up the wonderful writing!
The rhythm and flow of this poem were spot on. There is a powerful message in this. I enjoyed the read. I love your descriptions - they really bring this poem to life. I can see why it won first place. I do have one suggestion, but it is only a suggestion....In the line where you say her frail body finally rejected the stress, I don't believe the comma is necessary after the word frail. It breaks up the line in a bit of an unnatural way. Other than that, this poem is perfect! Write on,
This was a beautiful tribute to your daughter. I'm sorry for your loss. I could feel the love and the pain as I read through this poem. The rhythm and flow were spot on, and I love how you repeated the last line of the stanza all the way up to the last stanza where you changed it up. Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was a cute little limerick! I love the rhyme, the rhythm and the flow. And the story line...wow...who woulda thought of something like that! Great job. I had to laugh as I read through this....it was kinda funny, but not so funny (if that makes any sense.) Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was well written and informative. As a learning poet myself, I had never thought about the ideas you presented here. However, they all make sense. The words you use are simple and easy to understand. You gave me food for thought with this. Thank you for sharing.
This was so neat to read! At first, I was thinking you were talking about a witch with her kids, then at the end, you really surprised me with the fact that it was kittens! Great job. The rhythm and flow were spot on, as well was the rhyme scheme. Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was a well-written story. I could feel June's frustration, her fear as the dogs go after her, and the relief when she finally made it to work. I could picture her riding her daughter's bike, trying to get to work to the meeting. You did very well on this - keep up the great writing!
This was very well written. I love the repeating of the line, "It must be summer..." I enjoy the fact that you added a bit of dry humor (when you mention you weren't staring.) I saw nothing that needed to be changed, nothing to add or subtract. Great job....Keep writing!
This was such a fun read! It reminded me of the unconditional love our pets have for us. My two fur babies are the same way...wanting to kiss me all the time, especially when I've been gone - even if it's only for 5 minutes. This was well written, and the rhythm and flow seemed spot on. Keep writing, my friend!
This was a well-written poem. I love the rhythm of it. There is a deep message in this poem about taking without giving. I also love how you explain the type of poem it is at the very end below your piece. I saw nothing that needed to be changed or improved upon. Keep up the great writing!
I just read "Joe's" and would like to share my thoughts with you. Use what works for you and discard the rest. But whatever you do, KEEP WRITING!!
Overall Opinion
I think this is the beginning of a very interesting story. It was interesting when the city slicker mentioned Pete's eyes being black - along with everyone else's. What surprised me even more was the fact that Joe, the bartender, didn't seem surprised at all. Maybe you could describe what the bar looks like on the inside - it might help your reader picture the scene as they read. I would love to see where this story goes from here.
Characters
Your characters seem reasonable and realistic. I would like to suggestion you describe the characters in a bit more detail. With no physical descriptions to go on, it leaves your readers having to try to imagine what the characters look like. So far, all we know for sure about your characters is that they all seem to have black eyes. But I am wondering, are you talking about the color of the iris' or the area surrounding the eyes, as if they'd been punched in the face? Embellish your characters, but keep it realistic so that your reader can picture them.
Plot
The plot thickened toward the middle of the story, and that is great. You left your reader hanging in the balance with no specific answers...yet. I love that in a short story because it makes me want to keep reading to see what happens. I believe that you could continue this story and make a really great chapter to an even bigger story.
Closing Comments
I have never really been into reading the sci-fi/fantasy genre - with exception to Harry Potter. However, your story had me interested from the start. I would love to see what happens next. What is the deal with the black eyes? Does Joe have black eyes? Is the city slicker going to end up with black eyes? The possibilities with where this story goes are endless. You have got a really great start here.
These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.
Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.
Wow! There is a powerful message in this poem. I love how you talk about a lost child who becomes found when they turn and run to the Father! I love how you liken it to a journey of sorts. The rhythm and flow were spot-on, and I love the trio of Haiku's. Great job! Keep up the wonderful writing!
I love this poem about being your New Year's goal of getting stuff done and not being lazy. I think we all could learn from this.. The rhythm and flow were spot-on. I saw no issues to distract from your poem. You really did a good job of setting the mood with your poem. Keep up the great writing!
This was a wonderful poem - a collaboration between 4 authors. However, it was put together beautifully - transitioning through all four seasons. I can picture the changing seasons as I read through this poem. I was truly amazed at how well the poem flowed between the 4 authors. Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was a fun read. I can just smell what it was like after you fell into the pit. Ugh. The rhythm, flow and rhyme all worked very well together. I love the ending of this poem. This poem definitely gives a whole new meaning to the old saying, "Look before you leap." Keep up the wonderful writing!
I enjoyed reading this poem. It was well written and you did really well putting your thoughts on paper. Using the vivid color descriptions, you really painted a beautiful picture. Here are two things I found - but not to worry, they didn't detract from your poem at all.
"that it brings more that one tear of joy to my eyes." - shouldn't it read "that it brings more than{/} one tear of joy to my eyes." - spell check won't always catch these types of spelling mistakes.
"It is part of the fall which my heart fines accord," - did you mean to say, "It is part of the fall which my heart finds{/} accord," - again, a common typo that spell check won't always catch.
Keep up the wonderful writing and enjoy your fall season of 2019!!
This was definitely twisted. This story had me on the edge of my seat from start to hilarious finish. I could hear the clicking and feel the tension and fear in the darkness as I read through this. Your descriptions were awesome. Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was a well written story. So many times, we see ourselves as though we are not enough or ugly, even when that isn't the truth. But your ending was ominous and evil, and proves that looks aren't everything. I saw no issues that needed to be addressed. Keep up the great writing!
This was well-written. The rhythm, flow and rhyme all worked together really well to make this an easy read. I love the subject and how you mention spring as a time of rebirth, renewal. You perfected the art of using the prompt words and highlighting them, and staying with the prompt throughout the entire poem. Great job on this, Ken. Keep up the wonderful writing and I look forward to reading more!
This was a very heartfelt and sad poem about being let down by the one you love. I could feel your pain as I read through. The rhythm felt right. I do have a couple of suggestions I've mentioned below.
"Iv" - should be spelled "I've". 2nd stanza, 3rd line.
"To where it would make want to run." - who would it make want to run - you or them? 2nd stanza, last line.
"i'm" - capitalize the I. 3rd stanza, first line.
"Making" - doesn't need to be capitalized since it is in the middle of a sentence. 4th stanza, last line.
Other than that, you did an awesome job and I really enjoyed the read. Write on!
I really enjoyed this poem. Although rather short, the rhythm and flow worked out beautifully. I can relate to your thoughts in this poem - my poetry often reflects my feelings, thoughts and experiences. Without our lives, where would we find the inspiration to write? Keep up the great writing!
This was really interesting and fun. I actually had a tough time finding some of the words. You did really good putting this together. All of the words you chose have a real impact on breast cancer awareness. Keep up the wonderful work and keep on writing!
The rhythm and flow of this worked really well. I could feel your pain over the loss of your loved one. You did a beautiful job of painting a picture with your words. I love how you repeated the first stanza at the end of the poem. Keep up the wonderful writing.
This was a well written poem that talks not just of the joys of Christmas, but also the downfalls - the things we don't normally talk about. I enjoyed reading this and even cracking a smile or two at the light-hearted complaining about having to pick up after the kiddos. The rhythm and flow were spot-on. Keep up the wonderful writing!
Rhoswen
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