|Hi Tinker ,
I'm 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙 . I am doing this review as part of I Write in 2020. I have the pleasure of reviewing your sonnet as it falls before my entry in the I Write Forum.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.
I love the topic you have chosen for this piece.
I appreciate that you included the form and its parameters in the note at the bottom of your piece. This allows the reader to learn something new, but it will also remind the poet what style they used.
You did an admirable job following the parameters, but my only comment is regarding 'passionate' and 'great' they are to rhyme and I find it a bit of a stretch. Unless you say passionate differently it would not work.
You followed the parameters laid out in your notes... and chose most of your rhymes well.
"My talents honed, which God has loaned" I am a believer of God's bestowed gifts.
I understand the flip side:
"There can be flaws in passion's jaws
and focus narrows vision's tracks."
As writer's we tend to get so wrapped up in our stories and passions we tend to forget the other's of our lives. But I also see that this passion can be more of a beast, particularly when competition and wanting to get ahead jumps in. A good caution.
Other than the rhyming of passionate and great, I see no issues or concerns. Not sure what I would suggest...
I think this is a well crafted Slide Sonnet and I appreciate learning about another poetic form.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.