|Hi Grieving_Girl ,
I'm Carly - Prepping for NaNoWriMo . I am doing this review as part of Writing.com (WDC) 19th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Made My Prompt" [E] - where we are asked to read and review some new members (Newbies) and welcome them to this wonderful site.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.
Wow!! I can feel the rawness of your emotions and was compelled to do this review. You may be young, but your poem speaks with an old soul - one that is creatively talented and able to find just the right words to make connection to a far larger audience. Whoever this best friend is, he is the one who losses out. Your sensitive heart is born to write. s***ty experiences are the fodder of great poems and stories and though I would not wish anyone awful experiences, I see that you are able to turn your pain into poems that are rich and potent. The writing will help you heal. It is a lifeline that we writers are blessed to have in good times and in the more crumby ones. Hold on and write girl!
You use a free verse form to convey what your heart most wants... and needs to say.
You use enjambment to give the poem flow as it moves seemlessly from one line to the next.
I love how you pull the word "Remember" in at the beginning of the second stanza and how it wraps around to close the same verse. Well done.
I may be far older than you, but this second verse calls to me... it echoes my own pain - though mine is from a divorce (after 16 years of marriage). Your words have the ability to connect to others, regardless of age. We all struggle and it is at least a comfort to know we are not alone in this suffering. Just know, it does get better... especially when we are able to connect with others.
I see no spelling or grammar issues of concern.
What can I say... this poem is lovely in its anguish. I hope you can draw some healing from it.
Grade eight sucks. You are blessed to have writing as part of your arsenal - to heal you and to create such potent poems. This is partly why they say the pen is mightier than the sword. Stay with it, keep writing and you will find your way through the trials and tribulations of junior high and high school.
I also love your username - monarch.love. Your sentimental, but not puff pastry.
Stay true to yourself. You can get past this. I feel you pain, want to take it away, but I also know it will make you stronger in some way... not that you can see that right now, but eventually it will. Stay strong and definitely keep writing and sharing your work!
Thank you for sharing your poem! I am honoured to have read it. I really enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.