|Hi Tinker ,
I'm Carly . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to I write in 2019 and "Poetic Exploration" .
I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece as it falls before my week's entry for the I Write in 2019 forum.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.
In my muddled NaNoWriMo brain I loved the opportunity to read you poetry. I also love the witchy topic and tie in to Macbeth. I started this review yesterday, but it was too late in the day for me to even make sense of my own thinking let alone try to make sense of a poem. So I left it until the new day to try again.
The Gemstone is a 32 line composition divided into four Octaves (8 line stanzas), contrived by Lisa Morris, writing as Streambed on the Allpoetry website. The rhyme scheme is ababccba, with each stanza following the same pattern using different rhymes. Lines 2, 4, and 7 are written in iambic trimeter, and the others are all written in iambic tetrameter,
My brain is not sure if it can follow this. I find as I read it, it does make some rhythmic changes and I am assuming that that is the iambic trimester and iambic tetrameter going on. I think you follow the rhyming pattern, but the first octave was a bit off to my liking. I'm sure if I read it aloud it would be better. All the others work for me.
You employ enjambment to give the poem flow.
Regarding Macbeth - I loved how you worked this in:
"Ambitions drove his moral code,
he withered into sin.
He let his noble heart erode
to gain himself a win."
I also loved this ending:
"Instead, let's care for those in pain,
give aid to victims of the rain,
and boost up those who'd climb.
Ignore the witches' brew and bloom."
I see no spelling or grammar concerns.
I think this is an excellent example.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
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