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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/carly1967
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586 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Sumojo ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem as it falls before mind in the I Write in 2021 Forum. Please remember this is merely my opinion. I am not a professional and your work is ultimately yours.

You have chosen to write your poem in four quatrains. There is a rhyming pattern of ABAB and each stanza hold to the syllable count of 8/6/6/8.

You have chosen strong rhymes. My favourite verse in the last verse. I love the horses - even if they are 'harbingers of doom'.

I found it read well aloud.

Good luck in the contest. I may just have to look into it.


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2
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow writing poetry ,
I thought your version of this was quite funny. I gave this a whirl as well. It was fun to write. Something about the prompt brought out rhyming for me too.

Your poor Jack as a cat snack was a great ending.

I enjoyed following Jack around on his adventure. You worked in a few fairy tale bits. That was an interesting idea.

I liked these lines:
"She threw the beans into their garden plot,
Hoping they would grow something, besides diddly-squat."

Good luck in the contest.


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3
Review of If I were a queen  
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good morning K.HBey ,
I have the pleasure of reviewing your short poem as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2021 forum. Please bear in mind this is only my opinion and I am not a professional poet. Your poem is ultimately your creative work which means you may leave or take my thoughts as you see fit.

I see you are taking on the challenge of writing a poem for the Poetry Cafe that sends out prompts for a variety of poetic forms. I took a peek to see what this one was as I felt sure it had to be something and I was not sure. A suggestion I would give would be to add a dropnote and add the details about the piece so your reader can check it out if they are so inclined, but this is merely a suggestion. I find I do that myself because I want to remember what kind of form it was that I tried.

I did copy what the form is for my own knowlege:
The Windsparks is a five line poem about an aspirational fantasy:

The first line has two words: I dreamed
The second line describes who or what you are/were.
The third line describes where you are doing it.
The fourth line describes what you are doing.
The fifth line is a single word indicating how you are doing it.

This looks like a fun poem to write.

I think you do a valiant job of creating your own.

I love the first two lines.

The third line trips me up a bit - I would suggest taking the 's' off 'comes' for a smoother grammatical flow. I might also change the second everywhere to something like - 'around me' to avoid the use of 'every' but that is only a personal preference. Some people may like the repetitive nature of the sound and that is good too.

The forth line is strong - though I would put in commas between "Peace, goodness, equality". I might also leave out joy, as the first three are potent enough and I like the flow of three things. But that too is merely preference.

You also have a strong finish.

I applaud you for attempting such a lovely piece and can wish this Queen truly did have this power.
Have an awesome day! Happy writing!





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4
4
Review of 24 syllable poem  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning Sumojo

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your 24 Syllable poem. You managed to pack a lot of loveliness into those 24 syllables and you made me smile.

I had to look up the word - halcyon - as I had no idea what it meant. My only suggestion would be to add the definition to a notes section at the bottom or your poem for those of us that are somewhat clueless about the word's meaning.

Beyond that I thought it was a bright, happy poem that deserves a win. Thank you for sharing it and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Painful Recovery  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi bas ,

This is a good little tale. Very compelling.

I noticed a few little grammar issues - "The police are coming..." and Daze does not need to be captilaized.

I am curious to know more about what happened with this story. I know flash fiction does not give you the space to open the story fullly, but I see potential for something more here if you chose to go for it.

"It's too late" is a great prompt and I think you have done it justice.

Good luck with the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of The miracle  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (1.5)
Hi K.HBey .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of I Write in 2021.
I have just read your short piece "The miracle , which I found when I posted my own entry to the I Write in 2021 forum. I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.

I am doing this review because you posted before me in the I Write in 2021 Forum, but you may want to email or 'fearless leader' about participating and about the rules. You are not to post back to back entries and you are to review the person before you in the forum. You cannot post back to back because you should not be reviewing yourself and you can't just pick a random person. Also drop the # out of your review and it will show the review you did. I hope this helps and does not sound pushy. It is always wonderful to review other people's work. And for that reason, I am still going to do this review.


Overall Impressions:
The anxious was apparent in the piece and kept me rivetted, but I found myself getting distracted by the flow because the piece felt rushed and unedited. Reading it aloud might help to smooth out some of the bumps.
I understand you write and communicate is three languages (that is amazing, by the way), but I also find sometimes that may make the flow a bit choppy.


Characters:
Jane and Dave are trapeze artists. They are getting ready to do a show and Jane is a little nervous about the evenings performance.


Setting:
Under the big top.

Plot:
I believe they are doing their show and something almost goes wrong... but Dave manages to catch Jane in the end.

Suggestions:
I would suggest rereading it aloud to hear the piece. There are a few places were I lost the flow because the words jumbled up.
One example of this:
"Jane says looking with her blue eyes wide open deeply and with fervor her husband." - I would rewrite it as - Jane says, looking at her husband with her blue eyes wide open.

Additional Comments:
Please include the contest you entered into so that I can help to clarify some of the rules and know what prompted the story. It's also good to find out about other contests you may want to try out on the site. Good luck.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Soap Opera  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really like this story. I like the details of the older woman. I can see the cat smell the fishy breath. I like the description of her apartment.
She is a woman obsessed with this particular Soap Opera. She is so into it seh believes she knows the characters.... and in some weirdness she is drawn into the scene before her. I am willing to suspend my belief and go with her. Good luck in the contest. I think it is a good contest for this piece.

Thanks for sharing it and giving me a chance to review it again.
8
8
Review of Jump of Life  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi bas .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review as part of the I Write 2021 Contest Challenge.

I have just read your flash fiction piece "Jump of Life, which I found when ahead of mine in the I Write in 202 forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Sort and sweet.

Characters:
Jeet and Michael are the characters. One wants to bungee jump, the other does not. Their choices are made clear.

Setting:
The bungee jump. You make it clear where they are and you can hear the jumpers. A flash fiction piece does not allow you to go into detail, but you give enough to let the reader image in the place.

Plot:
Jeet wants to jump, but is friend Michael does not. Michael supports Jeet's interest, but has no intention of taking the leap himself.

Favourite Part:
Michael scrambling to leave.

Suggestions:
I am like Michael - no way would I ever want to jump like that. But what took me out of the story, and this is purely a personal thing, but the person getting them into the jump is called an instructor. Is that what they are called? I have no idea, but it seemed odd to me.

Additional Comments:
Good luck in the contest.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow writing poetry ,

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your wee poem as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2021 forum. Please remember this is only my opinion and I am in no way a professional. I am another writer and poet who is learning as I practice.

I like the title. It drew me in. I also like how you incorporated the words to make this little gem.

I stumbled a bit when I read the first stanza. I think it needs an 's' on the word last to make it flow a little more smoothly. Aside from that the rest of the poem flows nicely. I see no other spelling or grammar issues.

I would make one suggestion... and that would be to answer your question... what is friendship in one more stanza. Something like: I think it is....all of this and more.
This would pull the poem into a close and leave the reader satisfied fully.

I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it. I am glad to see you are doing this challenge this year. Good Luck and Happy New Year, Neva!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo ;
I am honoured to read your piece as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2021 challenge. Great to see you doing this challenge again. We are both starting out really well - up to week 4!

This was a lovely story about a wonderful doggy friend. I love the name. He does sound like a true character and you captured his likeness beautifully. I was brought to tears when you had to put him down, but I also laughed at his shenanigans. Pets really bring a layer to life that simply cannot be met with any other thing.

I am glad you were able to share this and I look forward to Mitzy's adventures.

Happy New Year my friend!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Soap Opera  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is quite a riveting piece. I was held in want to know what happened. You managed to paint a very realistic view of Beryl and her situation. I could see the cat, heard his mew and smell his breath... I could even see the cat's biscuits on the sticky kitchen floor. Good sensory detail.

I am not sure if I feel sorry for Beryl or just pity her, but I do know, you evoked emotion in me... so your piece has punch. I just hope I never turn out like her!

I really enjoyed reading this piece and I wish you all the best in 2021 and in the contest you have entered.

Thanks for sharing and I hope to read more from you over the year.


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12
12
for entry "~ SURPRISE ~
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Good morning.
This a lovely memory. I can so relate to both experiences. At both times you wanted to give your mother somethings special. The surprise of your youth was met with anger, the second delight. I think the second surprise is made all the more heartwarming because the first was not. Excellent use of the contrast.
My own mother would not have appreciated the surprise for the same reason as yours.
The fact that the second surprise was away from any home was also much more freeing.
I loved the description of the gelatin dessert - I bet it was yummy.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

It's πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ and I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem for the 24 Syllables contest as it falls before mine in the I Write forum.

You managed to craft a funky little poem of 20 syllables that not only hits the eclectic mark, but also celebrates WDC's birthday. Now that is fabulous. I can handle being a member so electric that I have wildness sprouting!

Well done. Good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
for entry "~ Song 1/10 ~
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ruwth ,

It's πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ and I have the pleasure of reviewing your blog entry as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I enjoyed this entry. I gave me honest incite into you as a person. I applauded your strength in leaving an abusive relationship. I also agree that music can lift you out of the place you are and move you forward out of a down-turned, depressed state to one of hopefulness and peace. I think that is why I tend to listen to Christian popular music. I always find it uplifts me and reminds me I can make it with God on my side guiding me.

I may wallow in the music only so long as I can moisten my eyes, then I find something to build me up.

I really enjoyed listening to the song. I was born in 1967, but I lived in a small town where I got to listen to the older music of my parents and my babysitter's teenagers. I memorized songs as a kid - Benny and the Jets and One Tin Soldier were my first memorized songs.

In your list, Honey is the only one I am unsure of, but I probably would know it if I heard it. Good song choices. I may just have to take a peak at some of you other blog entries to listen to then and hear your commentary.

Happy writing and reviewing. Stay safe and healthy. God Bless.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi somojo,

I am still chuckling!

It's πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your short piece about a world without coffee as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

Nice twist at the end!

It was a cute wee story that held my interest and kept me reading to the end. The silly thing is I can see something like this happening. I live with my mother and she does crazy-ass stuff all the time. Thankfully, she has most of her marbles... she's just got a logic all her own and she has been like that all her life.

The characters are believable, as is the situation. I was willing to suspend belief that a woman with Dementia would be living alone without care... though I think you may have mentioned it was mild, memory loss. The beginnings of dementia.

I wish you luck in the contest. Thank you so much for sharing and bringing a little humour into my morning!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good morning Jeff ,

It's πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ and I have the pleasure of reading your blog post this morning as it falls before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I really loved this entry and the song has an awesome message... and a great beat. Thank you for sharing this artist with me. I have a feeling I may have to check out more of her work given that she has a message I love. I am grateful for artists like this who share a message of empowerment for women. I feel it raises us up as a whole, if we allow everyone to reach their potential.

I am glad to know there are Dads like you wanting this for your daughter and for your son. You are a great Dad. My hat is off to you. Raising kids is a huge commitment and something not to be taken lightly. Guiding and molding young minds within a safe, secure, loving home is essential in this day and age. Kids need that and they need to know they are accepted and loved as they figure out what there goals are and what they want for themselves.

Being able to stand firm in your dreams makes you a better, more committed person all 'round. Everyone needs to bring something to the table, not be a lay-about princess type. Barbie is just a plastic doll... but even she has dreams.

Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your piece as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum. I am also pleased to see you have entered the same contest as me. It really is wonderful to see what kind of work materializes from a prompt. Each of us heard the same song and yet what we have written is different. I love that!

Your poem depicts a moment, a special moment in time captured during the pandemic - a wedding with virtual Zoom guests. Mine followed the full life of a person.

You employ free verse to capture this moment. I love your word choice for 'splendorous'. That word has all the senses wrapped up in it. I can see, taste hear, taste and feel what that wedding was like without even being their - live or in Zoom.

I'm curious if you got a chance to experience a wedding this way. I am almost hoping my friend's daughter will do this next summer so that I don't have to fly to England. Time will tell... but now that we know it is possible...I can only hope. We did her baby shower this way - and that was almost 3 years ago.

I love that the wedding is outside - in the freshness of nature. That too contrasts against the Zoom meeting, but it also seems to uplift that meeting as well. There is so much energy and love in those first 4 lines.

I wish you luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of My Friend Mike  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good morning Mastiff ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your wee poem as it falls before mine in the I Write in the 2020 forum.

I really like this poem and the form is something that flows well. I like the repetitive nature of it and appreciate the notes of what a Trimeric form is.

My only qualm with your poem is in the title - Friend is misspelled.... Unless you intended to do that, but since you didn't misspell it in the body of the poem I figured it was an unintended error.

Even though there are no rules about meter, length or rhyme, you hold to a pattern of ABAB in the first stanza and ABB in the other three verses. I loved the consistency of that aspect.

Great topic. I am glad the person in the poem found a friend so dear.





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19
19
Review of Life's Journey  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi J.L. O'Dell ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your short poem. I wrote a poem for this contest as well.

My favourite line is the first two... I like the concept of your lodestar being your faith.... and the brightness of Venus.
You craft a lovely poem with only 24 syllables to work with. And it works well.

I wish you luck in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tinker ,

I'm πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ . I am doing this review as part of I Write in 2020. I have the pleasure of reviewing your sonnet as it falls before my entry in the I Write Forum.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I love the topic you have chosen for this piece.

Form:

I appreciate that you included the form and its parameters in the note at the bottom of your piece. This allows the reader to learn something new, but it will also remind the poet what style they used.
You did an admirable job following the parameters, but my only comment is regarding 'passionate' and 'great' they are to rhyme and I find it a bit of a stretch. Unless you say passionate differently it would not work.

Techniques:

You followed the parameters laid out in your notes... and chose most of your rhymes well.

Favourite Lines:

"My talents honed, which God has loaned" I am a believer of God's bestowed gifts.
I understand the flip side:
"There can be flaws in passion's jaws
and focus narrows vision's tracks."
As writer's we tend to get so wrapped up in our stories and passions we tend to forget the other's of our lives. But I also see that this passion can be more of a beast, particularly when competition and wanting to get ahead jumps in. A good caution.

Suggestions:

Other than the rhyming of passionate and great, I see no issues or concerns. Not sure what I would suggest...

Additional Comments:

I think this is a well crafted Slide Sonnet and I appreciate learning about another poetic form.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow writing poetry ,

It's πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ . I have the pleasure of reviewing your wee poem as it comes before my entry in the I Write in 2020 forum.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

Lovely. I get to learn about a new poetic form and see the beauty of words crafted wonderfully.

Form:

I appreciate the fact that you included the information regarding the form. I like doing this as well as I then have a record of what kind of poem it is. I also have an example of one that I myself have done.
This is a Syair. I am not familiar with this type of poem. I love the word choices and it seems to follow the pattern, but the last line only has 7 syllables instead of 8 - but I didn't seem to mind when I read it aloud.

Techniques:

You follow the rhyme scheme. Four lines of the same length - the last line only has 7 syllables instead of 8, but I don't see that as a problem.

Favourite Lines:

Interesting to say 'the aroma of gratitude'. I had never considered any smells associated with gratitude.... makes me think and consider. What they might be. I like the unusal combination of a sense I would not normally associate with it.

Suggestions:

I see so issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

Good luck with little gem.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
for entry "Listen to the Wind
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Neva,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem this morning as it falls just before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum.

I really like the flow and rhyme of this poem. I like how it moves through the seasons... my favorite verse in the last:
"Listen to the wind
whispering secrets to the stars
on a cold winter night."

I really like the repetitiveness of "Listen to the wind" as it moves through the poem - ever present, just like the wind is.

I like how the wind - sings, chants and whispers. The many ways the wind shows itself... an invisible presence.

My only suggestion is in the verse of moving the leaves... all the other verses have an action that is lovely. I would be inclined to tussle the leaves or tickle the leaves or some other such verb that moves the reader more than the verb 'moves'. That way the verb also brings an element of sound to the mind picture your create.

Beyond that I think the poem is wonderful and wish you luck in the contest.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of TRAVELER  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi J.L. O'Dell ,

It's πŸ’™ Carly - BLUE!!πŸ’™ and I have the pleasure of reviewing your poem for the 24 Syllables contest as it comes before mine in the I Write in 2020 forum. I love this contest. I am so glad it reopened! My own entry is for the next round due on Monday.

I really like your wee poem, but my syllable counter comes up with 25 syllables and I think the issue is in the first line - I count 8 syllables instead of 7.

I think the poem would work just as well without the word - 'peace'. Stornger ending with Freedom, anyway.

I quite like this word. Not one I would use, but I like the meaning and your poem captures that. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Bananas!  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mastiff ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your yummy entry to the I Write in 2020 contest. It comes before mine in the forum.

A cute wee poem it is, complete with the little icons of bananas and bread. It is very enticing and makes me want to go "Smooshing. Mixing. Baking." Except I have no overripe nasty bananas. I don't even have regular bananas at the moment, but you have the same recipe as me... and I can see it in my future. Thanks for sharing.

Good luck in the contest.


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25
25
Review of The secret  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo ,

I really enjoyed this story. Such hope that comes from despair. A guiding push from beyond the grave. Those are the little miracles of life that bring such richness into the world. I thank you for writing such a tale and sharing it here.

I love how you worked this story from Mary Shelley's quote. Lovely.

I noted a one little things:
"it seemed to Fiona she was the only visitor at the cemetery today." Isn't there supposed to be a comma after Fiona? I am not positive on this, but when I read it aloud, I pause.

I wish you well in the contest. I just posted a poem to it just a bit ago.
I got the impression that this month was poetry, but I could be wrong. You may want to look into that, though I think this piece has real merit.

Thanks again for sharing.


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