I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your... hook as it comes before my entry to the I Write - Twenty Three in Eleven Challenge.
Already I have more words than your hook. When I first read your entry, I went to see what the contest expected and realized the nature of the contest. That being said, your entry is strong and gives the reader many questions that draw them in. Since that is the ultimate goal of the contest, I have to say you nailed it. Good luck in the contest and happy May!
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece of flash fiction as it falls before mine in the Twenty-Two in Eleven I Write challenge.
This is a very intriguing bit of story... no doubt it could be so much more that simply a moment of flash fiction. I want to know more... this was a taste of something so much more.
I enjoyed the whispered words between Layla and Esa. Getting ready for the dinner was vivid enough to see.
I'm 💙 Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as it comes before mine in the Twenty-three in Eleven (I Write) forum.
I can so relate to this poem's message. Words can haunt you. You can stew over what you said and how you said it forever it seems and some things seem to hold on for a long time and seem like a haunting. I think you captured that essence very well.
I had a moment of confusion, but then I saw the.... (dots) and realized that made perfect sense. My only suggestion is to increase the size of the poem to 4 or 4.5 so those dots can be seen.
Other that that I think you rocked this. Good luck with the contest.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.
Overall Impression:
You have decided on a sonnet. My hats off to you. I find attempting a structured poem far more difficult than going free verse, but I see it is part of the prompt. I like your topic and the poem is lovely, but I would be more inclined to say renewal is early spring, not winter's end, but then this is preference and you may be lucky enough to live in an area where spring is pushing in on the end of winter... Right now, I am living in an area still buried in a good foot of snow. Come on Spring! This poem was a nice reminder of what is to come.
Form:
A sonnet. I have to look up the link for this....
The rhyming pattern follows and your word choices are well done. I can could 10 syllables per like... so I am thinking iambic pentameter has been achieved.
Favourite Lines:
I like the last couplet as it resonates with me and I so want the spring to come.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling of grammar issues.
Additional Comments:
I had to look up the word 'callow' and I like it, thanks for a new word.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
Hi Angelica- Happy Father's day!.
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of doing this review as it falls before my entry in the I Write: Twenty-three in 23 contest.
I have just read your short story "A New Invention" and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
Interesting wee story.
Characters:
Poppy an elf and an inventor.
Sly a goblin who is rather critical.
Setting:
Briefly described as Poppy's lab, though not much detail was given other than the invention was under a cloth.
Plot:
Poppy want Sly's opinion of her invention because she feels he will give her a more critical assessment of her invention.
She shows him what it does and then he tries it out.
Suggestions:
This is an awkward sentence for me: "Soon Aunt May came through the door and she ran up and hugged Aunt May." I think it would be more clear if you made it two sentences - the period after door.
Soon Aunt May arrived. Poppy was so excited she ran over to give her a hug.
The first paragraph also does not seem needed - you are telling. I would much rather jump in when Poppy starts to speak and if those details in the first paragraph are needed you can 'dribble them in' making for a stronger beginning.
You could start by saying: Poppy waited nervously just outside her lab for Sly to arrive. He was her biggest critic and she valued his opinion. If she could win him over she knew she had a chance.
Additional Comments:
Good luck in the contest.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
I'm 💙 Carly. I am reviewing your piece "That Chair There" as the review as sent to me and I accepted the request.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.
Overall Impression:
First read through, I was impressed. You captured the child's voice so well in this poem. I felt I could do a good review for you. You tell a story within the poem that draws me in and holds me.
Form:
The poem is written in stanzas of four lines with an AABB rhyming pattern. The form is consistent throughout the piece.
Techniques:
Here is where I am not a poet able to discuss technique. All I can say is that what you have done works in a way that tells a tale that draws the reader in. I loved it.
Favourite Lines:
My favourite lines are these two verses:
"I laughed, “I will not, I will not be a chair.”
“Oh yes, yes you will, and I know it’s not fair,
But I don’t make rules, I don’t make them, you hear?”
And then, just like that, I saw her disappear.
I looked at the line, but I still could not see
How I’d be a chair, not a chair, no not me.
“I will cross that red line and I still will be free
I’ll step right across, now in 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . ."
The story, the conflict, the choices are all right there...in a fun, but oh so scary childlike horror...
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar concerns.
Additional Comments:
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. You have crafted an excellent poem with a fine wee story to tell.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
I believe I know the answer to this, but since it is not going into a public review I will refrain from saying.... *bigsmle* And I mayb just have to go back and read the others to get in on the action.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your entry as it falls before mine in the I Write challenge. I have managed to get my last week done... trying to do this during NaNoWriMo is a challenge because I don't edit during November. This makes it hard to write for contests that need to be edited to be just right... but enough about me.
I love the challenge you have undertaken. I am no good at writing Limericks. I can appreciate them, but have a hard time writing one of my own. I believe your poem manages to follow the pattern of a limerick and be very good. No Nantucket in sight!
I found your word choices well done and the poem flows smoothly as a limerick should.
Is this a WDC challenge or are you challenging yourself? It really is a great idea.
I look forward to the next one.
May your next month be filled with all things magical and may your family be well behaved.... if you have to see them over the holidays.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your prose piece as it comes before mine in the I Write forum.
As I read this, I was thinking that we often miss so much of our real life because we are focused on the 'more' we are expected to strive for... and yes, we learn to want this 'more' when we are merely children.
It is not until we are older that be sit back and consider real life is the 'just being who we are in the moment'.
It's like waiting to be happy. We just need to decide we are happy and content in our place at that moment in time.
I really appreciated this time to think and consider this.
I also found the link to the song. I added it here because it would bring your writing full circle. Thanks so much for sharing you thoughts.
Hi AmyJo -June, already? C'mon!,
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as it falls before mine in the I Write forum.
I found this poem quite funny. A great way to get kids not to come to your door and to get the candy for yourself.
I would be tempted to do this... particularly if the children are not being polite. But just knowing someone else has thought about this, makes me smile.
I'm 💙 Carly. I am doing this review as part of WDC 22th Birthday Celebration. I understand you are also celebrating a WdC Anniversary this month. 17 years. Wow that is impressive. I am only at 9 years.
It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.
Overall Impression:
I am not sure about this one... I am thinking it is about a friendship that has blossomed between a prison inmate and someone on the outside.
I really like the title of this piece.
Form:
Second and fourth lines rhyme.
Three stanzas with rhyming in the 2nd and 4th lines of each verse.
Favourite Lines:
I like the 2nd stanza - "You saw the monster in me, But you didn't run away."
There is goodness there even within the darkness.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.
I wouldn't bother repeating the title in the body of your text. It looks great up on the Title line only.
Additional Comments:
I would love the story behind this poem, but know that once the written the poem can take on a life of its own. Still, I wonder.
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.
It's 💙 Carly I am having fun doing the WdC Birthday Activity Challenge and one of the tasks is to review a Moderator or Sr. Moderator. So I went on a search of things to review with an eye out for one of those wonderful people that make WdC what it is... so unbelievably awesome!!!!
I have been part of this group since 2013. Active since the birthday celebration that year and I have been here ever since. It is my Online home.
I appreciate your Word To The Herd. I try to abide by those points you make. I appreciate 'thank you' as much as anyone else, so I make sure to get back to someone who has done something kind for me as soon as I can. With these birthday celebrations and school restarting I am a little slower than usual, but I try. Like you, I am only human.
I try to be my best self here at WdC. Giving my best self and hoping to get that in return. Most of the time, it is retuned.
I don't make promises I can't keep... and I try to give more than I receive. I suspect that might be why I am also a Blue Case.
I try to help others feel welcome here and remember my first 6 months of overwhelm before the Paper Doll Gang took me under their wing.... so I pay that forward as often as I can.
Thanks for reminding what's important. And also for being here making WdC such a fabulous place.
Welcome to Writing.com (WDC). I can see by your username that you must be a Sherlock Holmes fan. I admit to being a fan as well. I also enjoy the spin-offs of his work. Namely, Elementary (the series) and the movies with Martin Downy jr. and Jude Law. I also love the series with Benedict Cumberbatch as well.
But enough of that. I am here to welcome you and to read and review your prose piece regarding your thoughts on Elizabeth Gilbert's creativity perspective.
I tend to agree that there is a mystical component that comes with ideas finding you. My poetry tends to fall into my lap and I scramble to capture it. I like the idea that the ideas will move on if you don't work at them... but this stirs my creative soul.
I do agree with you about making art and needing to show up each day to work at it. Not showing up, even for 10 minutes a day sets me off... you put it much more eloquently.
"If I go one day without writing, the days feels off. If I go two days without writing, I feel off. And if I go three days without writing, the world seems off. "
I am part of the Ninja Writers and they meet every weekday morning at 9am to write on YouTube. They used to just do the 10 minute sprint at 10 am - and they still do, but they added an hour for those of us who want to write together longer. I like the energy of writing with others.
I am in the process of reading Big Magic again as I have the pleasure of seeing her when she comes to Toronto in April next year.
I also really like the story she tells about the idea that got away from her and went to Ann Patchett instead. I have read that book Gilbert mentions and it is fabulous. State of Wonder.
I do agree with you and like how you express that "Satisfaction in one's craft first and in their growth as an artist, taking joy not in people's opinion but in learning from the failings and enjoying the unique gift the artist has. That is the secret to harnessing creativity and dealing with the frustration of the process: to know it has been given to you, that every failure is merely a creative opportunity and life's best teacher for refining your talents, and that success is the aftermath of the human's natural desire to express."
But I will also admit that their is something mystical in the ideas that rise up for us... I am just so glad I can be part of this creative process that allows me to mold and shape an idea... and make it mine. Does that make sense? I hope so... I am dealing with a cold and my head is a little fuzzy.
I also get the feeling that although you are new to WDC, you are not new to writing. There is a strength to your words and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks. I needed to hear this today. I am feeling pretty gloomy and needed to hear some positive words. Thanks for sharing this and reminding me I am deserving... and so are you.
Thanks for your sparkle. It helped to brighten up my lagging one. I hope to pay it forward when I start to feel more myself and less stuck in a gooey mess that has me bogged down.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece as it fell before mine in the I Write forum.
I really felt this was a great piece. It got me thinking.....
My aunt and uncle went through the same arduous process when they adopted my two youngest cousins.... They already had 2 biological children.
I also feel for those children born and sent home with biological parents who I have heard talk about how much money you can get if you are on Welfare and have a kid. They have gotten pregnant for that reason.... not the brightest tools in the shed.
I can feel the anxiety for anyone taking home a new baby..... I don't have any of my own children, but I can say I am nervous even holding a newborn. I can't imagine being responsible for such a wee bundle of love.
Working in the school system, I see many children coming in to school from some pretty crazy family homes. I sometimes wonder if a family living course might not be a bad idea for teens. My friend took in her nephew to help him see what her family was like... and helped him navigate those adulting responsibilities his mother was not providing as she was feeling overwhelmed. Family helping family.
I'm not sure what to think.... I am still playing with the ideas. Making things mandatory seems over the top in terms of government involvement, but something would help to teach us all what is involved when it comes to raising kids.
I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your poem as it comes before mine in the I Write forum.
I really enjoyed this poem. I particularly liked the first stanza... my own suggestion would be to put a comma between Rights trampled, lives taken.
Other than that... it was a strong piece.
I like the repetition of 'We are wrong'.
This contest intrigues me. I may have to go check it out.
I really enjoyed this tour of your town. I find it interesting that you don't have any drinking establishments - only restaurants. Does this also mean you have no dance clubs? Now that would be a shame. I love to dance.
I am curious if you have tried each of these establishments or if you have a favourite.
I am partial to coffee shops and love trying out new ones. I love to write in them and am intrigued to find one with great coffee, treats and great atmosphere. I love to people watch and they are a fabulous place to do that. I've never been able to do that in a bar...I'm too busy dancing.
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your contest entry "YoungTown" . I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
I think it is an interesting story, but I was having difficulty suspending my beliefs that these kids could make it on their own.
The story is also told from a tense that I am not overly comfortable with... I am prone to past tense, not present. Given that the story is moving forward in time, I would love to read it in past tense - he said versus he says.
Characters:
Jonathon Walters is a sixteen year old in charge of a group of children who manage to escape an Indian attack. He does not want to abandon his father, but he is told to save the little ones.
Dialogue:
I found the dialogue a little stilted. I would suggest using contractions like we're for we are to make it more authentic sounding. Reading it aloud would also help you hear what it sounds like.
Setting:
Wagon train.
Deserted town.
Plot:
A group of 83 children are left alone after their parents are killed in an Indian attack. They make their way to an old deserted town and attempt to make it work.
Additional Comments:
I haven't watched a lot of westerns recently, but from what I remember, an attack would usually involve horses being stolen. I could see the kids walking to this town and taking a month. They'd have to carry what goods they could manage.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your contest entry "Canyon of Disbelief" . I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
This was an interesting story. I like the time travel element and I was satisfied with the resolution at the end.
Characters:
Judge Carl
Todd - his assistant - present day.
Sheriff - 144 years ago
Jefferson - young scammer that the judge saves from the Krammer family.
Setting:
Current day - glidder over a canyon
144 years ago - time travel - where Judge Carl rules to save a young man who won a bet.
Plot:
We start off in current time, then an accident - a dust devil - propels Judge Carl into the past where he deals with an incident
When he returns to his current time - another dust devil - he checks to see that Jefferson did survive and go on to run a gang in Alaska.
Favourite Part:
In general I just like the concept of this story.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues or concerns.
Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed the premise of this story. I think you did an admirable job of crafting such a story.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your contest entry "American Roots" . I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
This is quite the tale. I was held bound. Intrigued. You tell of a life of an interesting man and how fate has taken him on many an adventure. I do hope he lives...he seems pretty lucky in that regard.
Characters:
Henry. I don't recall a last name although a reference is given as aren't you Jake's boy from Notte street.
There are other characters but they seem to pass through as the story is told. It does circle back around to Gilbert, Lord Salisbury's son's man. I do like the idea of coming full circle back to the reason he had to leave England in the first place.
Setting:
We move around with our main character from England to the States. You do a fine job creating each new space. Well done.
Plot:
The story moves through Henry's life with little summaries of what has transpired since the 'chapter' before. I felt this was done well and moved the story forward.
Favourite Part:
I like the full circle aspect of the tale - the gunfight with Gilbert at the end and the unknown ending.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues of concern.
Additional Comments:
Well done.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your contest entry "Sheriff Cody" . I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
Dreams are certainly funny things. This story is a dreams sequence that has Cody becoming the new law in town.
Characters:
Cody gets some gifts from his Nan for his 21st birthday. After he puts on the hat, badge and his new boots he falls asleept to find himself the new law in a western town.
Setting:
Plot:
Like a dream, it is a bit over the top, but hey, it was fun to read. It's always great to be the hero of your own dream. One is able to suspend some belief and just roll with the story.
Favourite Part:
Suggestions:
"attempted to go return to his dream" is a bit awkward. I would say back instead of return.
I don't see any spelling issues of concern.
Additional Comments:
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your [item type] {item:}. I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
I really enjoyed the premise of your story and the real life details, though a bit disturbing, really added to the tale. They allowed the reader to be right there with Alvin.
Characters:
Alvin Liebman - nicknamed Queens because he is from Queens, New York. He is looking for adventure and trying to fit in.
Jake Miller - foreman ? - showing Alvin the ropes
Red - the guy who gave him the nickname Queens
Old Doc Whititaker
John Jeffers - I got a tiny bit lost until I realized this was the owner of the ranch.
Setting:
Cattle Ranch owned by John Jeffers.
Plot:
Alvin is shown the ropes of how to wrangle calves and brand them.
Favourite Part:
I really like the dialogue. It's authentically handled.
Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues of concern.
Additional Comments:
When I heard the last line I immediate thought of this song... yes, my mind works in weird ways. It's best to go with it.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
My name is Carly and I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your contest entry "Saddled" . I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.
Overall Impressions:
It starts off strong. I enjoyed the idea of a cowboy having an allergy to horses. The idea of the Cowboy Olympics was a bit over the top for me... maybe a rodeo of sorts in the next county would make it more believable.
I am curious about the time this story is taking place... old west?
Characters:
Luke - who has an allergy to horses. Though I am not sure why he decides to let the Nurse pay. Has he given up now that he cannot be a cowboy?
The nurse... later named Martha.
Setting:
Western Town. Not sure about the year. Would love more description of the town in order to visualize the setting and get more sense of being there.
Plot:
Luke finds out he has developed an allergy to horses. He has to face the rest of the men as they leave for the 'Cowboy Olympics'. With all the cowboys gone the bandits come to town... sadly, I found this a bit predictable.
Favourite Part:
I love the "trussing up" of the bandits.
Suggestions:
To build in suspense and avoid some of the predictability of saying - the bandits come to town, I would suggest working the details into the conversation and not stating that that will happen. It would give your story more strength and power.
I also can't see a town without its sheriff. I can see difficulties arising from limited men - being out-numbered. I love that the women are a big part of the catching of the bandits, but to me bandits would be on horseback not catching a train.
Additional Comments:
This story has merit and although the premise could use a bit of tweaking, I see the potential here. I love that the women 'truss up' the bandits... but I'd have them in jail at the end not on the train.
I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!
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