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2,311 Public Reviews Given
2,564 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Spotting technical errors and awkward sentences. I also focus quite a bit on plot and scene flow.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Paranormal, Fantasy, Mystery, Action/Adventure, Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry
I will not review...
I'll review just about anything except for items containing incest or bestiality.
Public Reviews
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Review of Colors of Fall  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, 🌕 HuntersMoon !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*



I really enjoy free verse. It seems somehow more personal than a structured poem and allows more room for variations of personal style. Personally, I don't write poetry very often, mainly because I find it unbelievably challenging, but I do love to read and experience it. *Smile*

This poem was a beautiful showing of appreciation and love for nature. The narrative tone was soft and peaceful, and reflected the content very nicely. The image of a fall scene with the breeze rustling through the fallen leaves ever so gently came to mind easily as I read, and suffused me with a sense of appreciation and awe.

The flow of this piece was consistent and enjoyable. When I read it out loud it possessed a rolling cadence, and I found the words flowed off my tongue with ease. It was visually appealing as well as appealing to recite and listen to.

I think the use of proper punctuation increased the ease of the read, and allowed emphasis on certain areas. The lines placed in italics were a really nice touch. It allowed them to be seen as important, as well as creating the impression that they were the revelation of an inner truth. Very well done.


Suggestions

I found no errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling. I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

An amazing free style poem. It was extremely well written with vivid imagery, emotional impact, and the inspirational content of the autumn season. I thoroughly enjoyed experiencing this piece. Thank you for sharing!

Happy Writing!

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Review of Birthday Surprise  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, Marsha Musselman !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


Oh, wow! What an inspiring piece. This is the kind of story that gives you little chills as you read it because it is such a clear indication to God's existance. I have not personally had an experience like this, but my mom has told me of a few times when she believed God was talking to her.

Some of my friends insist it is intuition, or a sixth sense, and I reply, "And who gave you the ability to sense it?" It shuts them up every time. I am not what many would call religious, but I believe in God and talk to him on a daily basis. I know he is real because I could have never survived the events I have been through in my life without some divine help and intervention - that I know for a fact.

Thank you so much for sharing this experience. It has reminded me of how God works in wondrous ways, even down to helping out with the laundry. *Wink* I also feel this will inspire those who may not be believers, and dare them to see that what they classify as intuition is truly the Lord himself speaking, if only they would be willing to listen.


Suggestions

I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. It was well written, spiritual, and truly inspiring.

Happy Writing!

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303
Review of A Punishment Due  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, please keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

This was a dark piece, for sure. I am suprised how well the character came across with such a short piece. His thoughts were precise, concentrating directly on what he did wrong and what the consequences for such an error was.

The tone in this piece was soft and determined. Through it I could sense his resolve easily. The depth of his commitment to what he was doing was evident, which also showed me that he possessed inner strength.

Due to the short length of this I didn't feel I could connect on an emotional level with him, though. I could see that he felt he was right in what he was doing, but there was no information to support it. As a reader I do not understand his commitment and determination because I don't know why he ended up killing an innocent person. I think you could easily incorporate a flash back of the event while he is thinking about how he took an innocent life. Why did he feel so undeserving? I think a flash back, or something like that, to show what happened would take this to the next level so the reader could actually feel what he is feeling and perhaps even relate to him a bit.

It is a powerful piece as it is, but it produced questions for which there is no answers. The vague information lends it a very dark feeling which I know many readers would appreciate, myself included.

The sentence structure flows well and enhances the mood of foreboding and death. I could see just from the combination of tone and mood that he would go through with it. Very well done.

As strictly a piece of flash fiction, I would say this piece has done its job well. It has provided a glimpse into the mind of the character and shown several important aspects of his personality.

Suggestions

I didn't notice any errors in grammar or punctuation. *Thumbsup*

*Star*Overall*Star*

I enjoyed this piece. It was an intense piece of flash fiction. It provided insight into Harley's character on his last day and showed how determined he was. He took an innocent life and would not allow his mistake to go unpunished, or to live on through him.

Happy Writing!


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Review of WHISPERS  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya Yellow Rose !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


Ah, what an inspiring, beautiful poem! I am sitting here amazed, and a little bit envious*Wink*, of how you managed to infuse such a short piece with so much emotion. I found this a very nice expression of love and understanding. When I read this I got the feeling that it is like a prayer - a wish for a loved one. However, as I considered the title it took on a new meaning for me. I thought of it as whispers of blessing from God. I suppose it doesn't matter either way, and shows how it is open to interpretation, which is half the fun of poetry. *Smile*
I really enjoy pieces that can speak to people through providing stimulation of certain things, such as whispers in the lilacs, in an effective and emotional way.

The tone was soft and loving, and I found the flow emphasized that nicely. The two worked together to produce a fluent piece. I read it out loud and found it even more effective when hearing it. Very nice.

The title fits the content very nicely and adds to the meaning of the words, as well.

Suggestions

I have no suggestions. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

This was a beautiful poem. It inspired me to think about those I love, as well as thank God that I have them in my life. A thoroughly enjoyable experience.*Smile*

Happy Writing!

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Review of Red Confusion  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya, Kashtien James ! I found this piece on the Review Request Page. I am glad to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

This was a very intense piece of flash fiction. There is little background information, but it wasn't necessary. The information needed to understand the situation was placed through the story very nicely. I really liked how the narrative was structured; the short, one word lines as they were in the accident, and then again as he was passing out increased the intensity and made me feel like I was there seeing it from his perspective. I could believe that it would really feel like that to be in a serious accident. I think it would be happening so fast that thoughts would be disjointed and confused. Very well done.

The narrative voice was well done to reflect the character of Eli, and though we don't know a whole lot about his personality, the fact he is a surgeon, as well as very loving in his thoughts about his wife, led me to believe he would have been a good man. This helps with the emotion felt by the reader as they experience the story. Nice.

Also, I liked how the second and third sections started out the same way. Almost like it would have kept doing so until he could accept what had happened.

Suggestions

*Bullet*Cheif of Surgery,...
The word 'Cheif' should be 'Chief'.

*Bullet*He entered the adjacent patient room and crossed to the sink and above mirror.
The end of this sentence doesn't quite make sense. I think he is looking in the mirror, but I had to read on to figure that out. My suggestion is to rephrase slightly.

*Star*Overall*Star*

This was a very good read. It was intense, emotional, well structured, and nicely written. Great work!

Happy Writing!


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Review of The Hunt  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hiya, BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

This was a good read. The narrative voice is constant and reflects the personality of Zena quite well. There was good character development, as well. The reader gets to see her life from before the present time and because of that her motivation for what she does is clear.

The structure was set out well. Though the exposition is mostly all in one section, I found it interesting and it kept me reading. Some will say it should be spaced out more, but I think it is a matter of the author's personal preference. Her history was believable and her emotional state is very realistic considering what she has been through.

I have a few suggestions, which are as follows.


Suggestions

*Bullet*...and the only way she’s get the antidote...
The word 'she's' should be 'she'd' or 'she would' to maintain the past tense.

*Bullet*...struggling to breath, and coughing up blood.
The word 'breath' should be 'breathe'.

*Bullet*In the same paragraph as the above comment it states that she tore out his heart, ate it, and then watched him die. Would he not be dead already considering she had taken out his heart? Perhaps this should be reversed?

*Bullet*For a moment Zena felt a sense of pity, pity that killing him would be too easy.
Consider using a dash here to give a more definite break.

*Bullet*He has a mixture of shock and fear on his face.
The word 'has' should be 'had' to keep the tense constant.

*Bullet*Consider reducing the amount you use the words 'had' and 'then'. The word 'had' is sometimes necessary to establish tense, but there were several places where it could be removed without damaging the sentence. Also, the word 'then' became repetitive for me as I read. One last thing, there is a section that used 'She remembered' in nearly every sentence through the paragraph. I am assuming you did that on purpose, but after about half way through the paragraph I found it felt repetitious rather than working as emphasis. Something for you to consider.

*Star*Overall*Star*

A really good read. The action sequences were easy to follow, the writing was very well structured, and the character of Zena was believable and likeable even in a state of emotional turmoil. Great work.

Happy Writing!

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Review of Beltane  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya, Alexandra Jones ! I found this piece on the "Please Review" . I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It definitely has the potential to be a great novel. I enjoyed the character of Kieran. Young and in love, and yet with a need to chase his own destiny. A great base to start with.

The tone in this was really nice. It was soft and flowing, granting a magical feel to it, even before the emergence of the faeries. The descriptions were nicely worded, and were heightened by the use of sensory detail. I liked how you were able to add smells and sounds without having to use the words of the specific sense itself.

You used the celebration of Beltane within good context and it felt believable. I have seen many people represent the celebration in different ways, but I found this depiction of it to be vibrant and vivid, as well as realistic within the scope of fantasy.

The relationship between Kieran and Janelle was so sweet, and I like how you indicated they were together without going into too much detail. I won't say I don't like detail in that respect, but leaving it out suited the style of the piece very nicely. It also gave their love the quality of innocence. Super sweet, that's for sure.

The personality of Kieran was revealed well through his actions toward Janelle. He was calm as she wept, though he did feel bad to leave her behind. He knew what he needed to do, and was able to console her well enough that she will wait for him, or in the very least, not hate him for going.

The structure of this was good. I found the narrative was active and kept the scenes moving along in a realistic fashion. The exposition was woven in with skill, allowing information in small bits so as not to bog the reader down, but allow enough insight to understand the events. Very well done.

Suggestions

This is something I don't say often, but I found no errors in this as I read, and I have no suggestions for improvement.

*Star*Overall*Star*

A really good read. I enjoyed this piece immensely and would love to read more if you chose to continue this through NaNo. Good luck with the challenge, I am sure you will do well. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hiya! I found this piece on the "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" , thank you for posting! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

The introductory paragraph was very effective in capturing my interest. I haven't read any of the Zena stories, but after this small taste, I will have to put it on my list of necessary items.

The use of shorter sentences through this piece was very effective in setting an intense scene right from the beginning. It drew me in and held me throughout. Very nice. I enjoyed the use of the senses to describe the area. I had a good sense of where she was, though there was limited visual stimulation. However, that said, in a piece this short it would be nearly impossible to add any more. Consider explaining the scents without say 'smell' and the sounds without saying 'hear'. I think it would take this to the next level for reader involvement. I did get a good sense of the smells and sounds, but I think it could be that much more intense if they were shown rather than told.

I think it's quite amazing really, how well Zena's personality came through in this. Her inner dialogue was a really good showing of her inner strength, as well as hinting at her past in small increments. This allowed the active narrative to continue strongly, pulling the reader through the situation while still recieving a sense of who she was and what caused her to feel the way she does about him. I am intrigued to know who he is, and to learn what happened to her.

As a teaser this piece works very well. I am now eager to head to your port and read more. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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309
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya, SHERRI GIBSON !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was an extremely emotional essay. Your voice came through very strongly and I didn't have to guess how you were feeling. I could feel it myself. What a list of events to have to go through, especially back to back. I can emphathize with the children who had to suffer through the alcholism of their mother. My mom was an alcholic for most of my life and though she was never negative with me, I was the only one of my siblings who escaped her wrath. I witnessed many times when my older sister would run away because of things my mom had said to her, and each time I prayed like crazy that she would come back.

I love how you ended this with the positives in your life. It made me realize just how strong you are inside, that you could deal with these problems, including health issues derived from the stress, and still be able to see the bright hues of the rainbow yet to come.

Suggestions

I found no technical errors in this piece. I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

An emotional look at a hard time in your life. It moved me because I could relate to the situation, but also because the emotions came through so strongly by the use of a strong, constant tone, and exceptional writing. *Smile*

Happy Writing, my dear!


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Review of Shine On Me  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, jaya !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This piece hit me on a very personal level because I have just recently come back to the Lord through a difficult emotional time, and this laid out exactly how I felt when I opened myself to his love and forgiveness.

The tone used in this was gentle and compelling at the same time. It seemed to crescendo almost as I read, becoming stronger and more sure, as though the battle was being won. I found it very inspirational. It shows so well how it feels when one is willing to let the false sense of self go and become one with God. He does all of these things and more, giving a sense of peace and relief in the wake of fear and pride. A wonderful message.

The rhythm while reading out loud was really nice, and I found it even more compelling as a spoken piece. It managed to catch the attention of my children as I read, which is no easy task, I assure you. After listening to this poem, my daughter and I ended up having quite a long talk about spirituality. It was an amazing experience, and for that I thank you.

The rhyme scheme works very well, adding to the cadence nicely and drawing attention when heard. I also liked the use of proper punctuation. Not all poets do this, and I find it so much easier to understand and appreciate without having to consciously figure out what the intent of a line is. Very well written with an awesome message.

My favorite part:

You, and You alone can open the door to peace,
a world of bliss where my sorrow will cease.

I found this section to be very powerful. It shows just how wonderful His love can be.


Suggestions

I have no suggestions for this piece. It is wonderful just the way it is! *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

An amazing read for believers and non-believers alike. It reflects a sense of peace found in God's love, and shows how uplifting and wonderful He truly is. One of my favorites, and definitely one I will recommend to others. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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Review of The Pixies' Tale  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya, Lee: Namaste! !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was a good start on a fantasy story. I usually comment on plot structure, but I don't feel there was enough revealed in this part for me to make any real comments on it. What there was felt like it was progressing well. I like how many different kinds of characters you have used in this. It has a fairy tale quality to it, so far.

The dialogue was active and flowed well. The tone changed between speakers nicely and will make it easy to follow changes in speaker as it progresses and the reader gets to know their individual personalities.

I would really like to see the forest they were in. It's probably much the same as any, I suppose, but some imagery would really add to the experience. Consider using the senses to describe the area. I would also like to see some descriptions of the characters laced through this. A comment here and there as they move, or even facial expressions, would go a long way in making this feel like it's really happening.


Suggestions

*Bullet*Those that remained agreed that they had no reason to believe that any of the denizens that vanished due to the curse would ever return.
The word 'that' is used four times in this sentence and feels overused.
Consider the following revision.'Those who remained agreed they had no reason to believe any of the denizens who vanished due to the curse would ever return.

*Bullet* Those that stayed, were charged with task of burying the dead and remaking the camps.
The comma after 'stayed' is not necessary. Also, need the word 'the' before 'task'.

*Bullet*"We ended up in sort of desert, lady only knows where.

"No, we didn't see any of the other ones that vanished before we did.
Missing end quotation marks on these two pieces of dialogue.

*Bullet*In the first section the pixie's name is 'Spiked', and in the second one it is 'Spike'. I'm thinking the 'd' on the end was a typo.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

All in all, this is definitely something I would be interested in reading as you develop it. The characters introduced so far seem like they will be a whole lot of fun to read about.

Happy Writing!

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312
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Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya, fyn !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


I loved the narrative voice in this piece. It was soft and dreamy, but in an intelligent, sophisticated kind of way. It was evident by her collection of books that she was very well read, and the implication of her being a writer herself was easy to pick up. This shows a lot about her personality without needing to go into a lot of exposition. Very nicely done.

The sentence structure and word choices worked nicely together to create a smooth flow, as well as detailed imagery. I had no problems at all with envisioning the area or the cabin. To be honest, I would love to take a trip there myself. *Wink*

The area where the cabin is set seems to be lush with possibilities as far as story line goes and I look forward to seeing where this leads. With such a strong personality in the protagonist, it should prove to be very entertaining. *Smile*

The structure of the plot line was really good, though not a whole lot happens besides her moving in. This works well considering that it is a prologue. It introduces the character of Kira well, shows some of her personality and inner strength, and hints at some sort of encounter soon to come. All in all, a well developed prologue.

Suggestions

A few minor suggestions.

*Bullet*A storybook cottage, secluded and within walking distance to creeks (cricks she was told) and runs which was the local word for streams,...
I think there should be a comma before 'which' because it is a non-essential element.

*Bullet* Happily it was sold to her partially furnished and as she had very few personal possessions any more,...
The word 'Happily' is a disjunctive adverb and should have a comma following it.

*Bullet*Dropping her bags near the small closet, and kicking off her shoes, she padded barefoot back downstairs, poked her head into the small, but serviceable kitchen for a brief moment on her way to the bathroom.
I think using the word 'poking' rather than 'poked' would complete the flow of this sentence.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

Very well written, intriguing, and rich with imagery. You used more than just the sense of sight to create the image of Kira's new home, making the experience well rounded and vivid. I look forward to reading more. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya, A.T.B: It'sWhatWeDo !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


I am really amazed by how well these two characters come through. The narrative really portrays Carly well. I felt like I was inside his head, experiencing his emotions, desires, and fears. He is quite amazed at the love he has found, and it comes through strongly. His thoughts were clear and reflected the emotions well to give him a well rounded personality. Well done. Joey is a bit more of a mystery. I think because we see this through Carly's eyes, it is natural for the reader to think of Joey in the same way Carly does. He is suprised by his feelings for Carly, I think, as though he never expected to feel soft emotions. A great mixture for the development of a rounded relationship.

Together they are so sweet. It's as though each touch, shared look, and smile is an important, emotional event. It makes for an inspiring and satisfying read. I felt very relaxed and blissful at the ending, like all was well with the world.

The meaning of their time together is the imporant thing through this. The events, when looked at seperately, are ordinary, but when combined with the life of the characters, it makes for a constant pace of emotional development and stimulation.

The voice used in this was consistant and natural and worked with the content really well. The dialogue between the characters was smooth and realistic, as well as heart-felt. I could hear their individual voices plainly and I think that is a great demonstration of believable characters. The structure of the story was also very good. I found it to be a smooth progression from the exposition to active narrative, and a nice build up for the climax.

The physical parts of this story were done very tastefully. The couple was romantic and sensual together and the descriptions were vivid enough for understanding without going into too much detail. A very loving, tender encounter. *Thumbsup*


Suggestions

*Bullet* “Nah, this ridge hasn’t been cleared but for around forty years or so,”...
The word 'but' in this sentence doesn't fit.

Otherwise, I found no errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling. *Smile*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

A very well written, emotionally inspiring story of love. I love how well I got to know the characters and their feelings for each other. I thoroughly enjoyed the read. *Smile*


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Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hiya, Maryann - House Martell !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was a really cute children's story. I would guess the reading age range for this would start at about 8, which was perfect for me since I have a nine year old daughter who loves to read. *Smile* So, as you can probably guess, I asked her to read it and give me her opinion. She really enjoyed it. There were a few areas where she needed help with words, but I suspect that was more because she enjoys it when I read to her.*Wink*

The part she liked the best was the dialogue. She said it seemed real, like it really could have happened - her words exactly.

I enjoyed this read, as well. I thought the story flowed smoothly. The exposition was limited, which allowed for more interest in the present situation. What there was for exposition was well placed so that it didn't interrupt the flow of the active narrative. A very nice balance.

I have to agree that the dialogue flowed well and was realistic in tone for the ages of the characters. The girls spoke with the same sentence structure and expressions as a child would, and came off as cool and smart at the same time. What kid wouldn't love that? *Smile* The tone changed for when the adults spoke making it apparent when there was a change in speaker.

The descriptions were really good. They were simple enough to be understood by kids, and yet detailed enough to give me a good image in my head as the scene progressed. I especially enjoyed Mr. Marino, he was a lot of fun.

Suggestions

*Bullet*“Hello Mandy!”
I believe there should be a comma before 'Mandy' because it is a direct address. There are a couple of places like this, just in case you agree.

*Bullet* Gina said as while squeezing both of my shoulders.
The word 'as' is an extra in this sentence.

*Bullet*“Let’s make sure that we ask lots of questions today.” “…And we can start with Carol and her mother,”
I wasn't sure here if this was two seperate speakers or only one.

*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

This was an enjoyable children's story about learning to be a detective. The story line flowed well and had a great ending. Very well written to be suitable for children and adults alike. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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315
315
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya, A.T.B: It'sWhatWeDo !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


Ah! As someone who loves storms and all their ethereal beauty, this piece was an absolute pleasure to read! The emotions captured in this were astounding in their realism, as well as contagious.

There was a real cacophony of sensations in this piece. I felt the love, or perhaps the blossoming of love, between Carly and Joey clearly. Carly's enthusiasm to experience the storm as closely as possible was intense. It came through as an empowering thing for him, something that let him feel alive and free. I could sense Joey's trepidation at being so close to something that dangerous, but could also see how it was over-ridden by his reaction to Carly's joy. It was a great showing of Joey's feelings for Carly, that he followed him almost without thought, as though on instinct.

There was also an undercurrent of suspense throughout the story, a thought in the back of my head that what they were doing was dangerous and wondering how it would turn out. This allowed the ending resolution to leave me content and satisfied.

The structure was really good. The story flowed smoothly from beginning to end. The exposition was minimal and was woven into the story in such a way that I didn't notice any pause in the flow of the action. The information was well spaced and melded well within the active narrative.

I could feel the personalities of these characters began to develop very nicely. Their reactions to each other spoke volumes about the type of people they were. Their reactions would have been heightened by the intensity of the storm and the emotional response Carly had to it, but truthful and realistic nonetheless.

Their dialogue was flowed naturally and I found Joey's internal thoughts and reactions were realistic and sometimes quite amusing. This allowed the intensity a chance to fade off a bit before the main climax on the roof. A nice touch.

Suggestions

I found no errors. I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

This was a really great read. It was extremely well written, intense, emotional, suspenseful, and a whole lot of fun.

Happy Writing!

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316
316
Review of The Mistake  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya, Sanguinary Smiles ! I found this piece on the "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" . I am glad to offer my reactions and suggestions for this story, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

For such a short piece, you really managed to capture my attention. The imagery in this was really good. I could easily sense these beings were made up of elements, far removed from what we, as mortals, can see or sense. The reference to 'He' shows that they are not the highest power, and that they are still learning. Very nice.

The opening paragraph set a mystical, as well as spiritual, tone to this piece. The structure of the sentences flowed very nicely, carrying me through the piece with ease. This turned out to be the kind of read where I forgot that I was reading, and was instead 'seeing'.

The differences of personality between the three beings was very smooth with the use of active narrative and dialogue. I enjoyed the change of speech patterns, they suited the impression that the content of the dialogue gave. I commend you for being able to give ethereal beings realistic mannerisms and explaining it in a way that was understandable and believable. Very well done.

I found the ending was done very nicely. The commands Orin gave to his people, though seemingly harmless, turned out to be exactly what destroyed them. And to think, the commands were eerily similar to what our world seems to be doing even now. A thought provoking piece, for sure.

Suggestions

*Bullet*They three exist perched on the horizon of endless obsidian, overlooking the vast universe that is their empire.
This sentence confused me. There are a few ways I could take this sentence. I think adding a comma after 'exist' would clarify what you are trying to get across.

*Bullet* Tanis, her face disturbed, asks “Orin, what...
Just missing a comma after 'asks'.

*Bullet*There seems to be a slight discrepancy in tense. Most of the time it is in third person present tense, where the reader experiences the situation as it happens, and then a few spots go to past tense. I suggest to read through, looking specifically for such instances. I am not really great with tense myself, otherwise I would be more specific.

*Star*Overall*Star*

This piece was a well written, spiritual journey. The imagery and use of fantasy allowed this to be an objective experience, and the message contained within was very thought provoking, especially considering the world we live in where most people seem intent on only themselves rather than anything resembling a greater good. It showed just how devastating a simple command such as, 'Go Forth and Multiply' could really be.

Happy Writing!

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317
317
Review of Be Good Anyway  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hiya, ohhiluhriexx! I found this piece on the "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" , thank you for posting! I am glad to offer my reactions and suggestions for this essay, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

The structure of this essay was consistent and easy to follow. The sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation were all very good. I didn't notice any inconsistencies.

The quote at the top was a nice touch, it allowed me to get an idea of what kind of piece this would be before I began reading. Of course, the title also helped with that; it fit the content well. The introductory paragraph was straight forward and to the point. The last sentence involved the reader on a personal level by asking a direct question. Very nice.

It was apparent that the content was well thought out before you began writing. The structure was very nice. It moved along in a constant manner without doubling back to go over the same content twice. You provided from everyday life to make your point about how doing good things for other people can come back around, the same way as negativity breeds more negativity. I whole heartedly agree with you on that.

I like how you incorporated your motivation for this piece. Speaking of your pregnancy and the wish you have to teach your son well is something that the majority of readers will be able to relate to on a personal level. I think this will work as a thought provoking section for many, I know it was for me. Because I could relate to wanting my children to be good people, it made me think about what I do on a daily basis to ensure it. Children learn by example, and we, as adults, need to set that example. Very good point there, and definitely something to keep in mind all the time.

Suggestions

I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star*Overall*Star*

I found this to be a nicely written, thought provoking essay. It was well rounded with personal insight, opinion, and examples of everyday life that supported those positions. I hope that many will read this and think about it seriously, perhaps even cause a few to see areas for improvement within themselves. I know I sure have. All in all, a very enjoyable read.

Happy Writing!


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318
318
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, H Holt !

You were kind enough to stop by my port with a review, so I thought I would return the favor. *Wink*

I am more thant happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. Please keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*


I was really impressed by this first chapter. I have to admit, if this was a book in my hand I would have definitely turned the page and continued reading.

The narrative tone used in this was very effective. It was clear and crisp, allowing me to read through with ease. The sentence structure was well defined, and appropriate for the era that this is based. I was really suprised that the narrative followed the proper speech patterns, in addition to the dialogue. It is obvious to see that you place yourself within the situation while writing.

The character development was very well done, especially considering the length of this chapter. Brief flashes of memory allowed some insight into Catherine, showing the reader that there is a reason she holds herself back from those around her. There were a few hints regarding her past to intrigue the reader and pull them on through the story, and I found them very effective. Even now I can't help but wonder what happened three years ago that caused her family to hate her, at least in her own mind.

The structure of the piece as a whole was very good. The scene flowed nicely with the use of active narrative, well described memories, and detailed exposition. I liked how you spaced the exposition throughout, a bit here and there through the actions. Doing it this way causes the reader to miss the fact that they are learning specific things and simply enjoy the read.

The descriptions of the area and people were vivid. I found myself with a clear image in my mind as the scene progressed. Their dialogue was realistic, their actions smooth and appropriate. Great work. I enjoyed the hint of romance between Henry and Catherine. It seemed to me that he cared for her, whether she could see it or not. I look forward to seeing it play out between them. It's interesting because at this point it could still go a million different ways.

The mention of her mother at the end of the chapter added another element of the unknown to the equation. Nicely done. Also, I wanted to comment on the point of view. You used a first person perspective for this and I found that is stayed consistent through the piece, which is not always an easy thing to do. *Smile*

Suggestions

*Bullet* I was utterly happy that Henry wouldn’t be there to watch me, which was which was how...
The words 'which was' is repeated in this sentence.

*Bullet*Georgiana, my younger sister, accompanied before she officially embraced...
I think you are missing a word here to show who she accompanied.

*Star*Overall*Star*

You have laid a solid foundation for this story to progress. I look forward to reading more.

Happy Writing!


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319
319
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hiya, COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


The first paragraph was nicely worded to intrigue the reader by providing a teaser of what would be revealed through the piece. It definitely made me want to keep reading to find out.

I very much enjoyed the narrative tone in this piece. It was soft and reflective, and it made me feel like I was hearing the story over a hot cup of tea. I could almost hear your voice as I read. The sentence structure followed the tone very well and I found that I could sense the emotions behind the words easily. It was apparent how hard it was to leave while your son was still in the hospital, and I really felt for you as it caused a hardship in your relationship with him.

The structure was very nice. It flowed from beginning to end in sequence with some time spent on the emotional aspects of the trip to Alaska, which allowed me to see the situation and events from your perspective and feel the emotional impact they had. The introduction was intriguing, the body spent time to experience the journey, and the ending paragraph summed it all up nicely, creating a sense of contented completion.

The year was definitely eventful for you. There were some negative experiences, as well as positive and they were all presented very well.

Suggestions

I have no suggestions for improvement. *Smile*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this essay about your life in the year 2000. It was nicely structured, emotionally involving, and let me see life from your perspective. A very effective piece. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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320
320
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, Maryann - House Martell !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


I had a lot of fun reading through this article. I've never been anywhere outside of the US and Canada, and I thoroughly enjoyed visiting Australia through your pictures, links and experiences. There was a lot of detail in the descriptions of places and things to see, and if I was planning to visit there this piece would come in handy for picking where to go first.

The way you structured this piece allowed for a very smooth and enjoyable read. The sentence structure was clear, consistent and easy to follow.

I really liked how this was informative and personal at the same time. I got to experience the fun you had with your family, as well as see things I probably wouldn't have seen otherwise. I absolutely love the idea of riding the train so much. Where I live there are no passenger trains left, unless of course you count the c-train, which I don't.

I was having so much fun while reading this that I shared the experience with my two oldest children and I found the links extremely useful for them to see and experience new things. We all had a lot of fun!

I noticed one typo as I was reading, it is as follows.

*Bullet*It's accross on the other side by the Harborside shops.
Just an extra letter 'c' in the word 'across'.

Thank you so much for sharing this experience with all of us. I got to have a fun adventure without even leaving my living room! *Wink*

Happy Writing!

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321
321
Review of Fishing With Dad  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, bkcompton!

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was a very enjoyable story. The narrative tone used in this set the mood very nicely. It was soft and gentle for the most part, only changing slightly when Jimmy caused a sense of aggravation by whining, and reflected Sam's point of view well. It was consistent with a younger boy's personality and reasoning process and provided a very realistic view of the activities and situations.

The sentence structure complimented the tone very well. The use of some shorter sentences intersperced through the longer, flowing sentences allowed for variety, keeping the interest of the reader. I also found the sentence structure was in keeping with the age of the main character and allowed me to see the sequence of events from his perspective.

I found the narrative to be quite active in this piece. The exposition was woven through the journey to their reclusive spot in a way that felt natural and consistent. The detailing was nicely done with the use of sight, smell and sound. It showed me the area, rather than telling me only what it looked like and allowed me to 'feel' what the characters felt. Very nice.

There wasn't a whole lot of dialogue in this piece, and it worked out well. I think that adding any more speaking would have taken away from the sensory experience. The dialogue that was used was well placed and realistic for the story.

The title of this piece fits the content well.

The story flowed well from beginning to end in a continual progression. It was realistic and believable. The ending paragraph wrapped up the piece well and showed just how much Sam loved what he was doing.

Suggestions

*Bullet*Gray clouds had snuck up, unfurling its intimidation.
I think the word 'its' should be 'their' because the first part of the sentence indicates the clouds are plural, rather than singular.

I didn't find any errors in punctuation, grammar or spelling. I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*


*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

This piece was very nicely written. It captured my interest and held it through the entirety, allowing me to experience the situation through vivid sensory descriptions and believable characters. An enjoyable read, for sure.

Happy Writing!

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322
322
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, The Vigilante Angel !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


I have visited the Vigilante Angel Ranger forum on several occasions to thank the Angel Rangers for reviews, review credits, etc. but have never stopped in to see where it all began. After reading through this, I will definitely have to check out the blog to see more. *Smile*

I loved reading the mission statement on this page, it was informative, humorous, and written with flair. You guys do a lot of good deeds within WDC's halls and I find that especially exceptional given the fact that the team is relatively small with only six members.

This page was set up very effectively to give access to all of the pages which are available for members to learn more about the Rangers and what they do, as well as to offer a chance for members to interact with and thank the rangers when they wish to do so. *Thumbsup*

Tons of kudos for all you and the Ranger team do! *Bigsmile*


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323
323
Review of MIDNIGHT DREAMS  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, jaya !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am glad to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


My Reactions/Comments

What a beautiful piece! This was an emotional, vivid declaration of everlasting love. The flow was very nice, it was continual in the sense that all the lines, as well as the stanzas, flowed together seemlessly. While I was reading out loud it flowed off my tongue easily and I didn't find any areas where I stumbled.

There didn't seem to be a distinguishable pattern for rhythm, but I sure didn't notice any lack because of it. The word choices were smooth and melded well into the sentence structure. The tone of this was soft and loving, as though the narrator was reciting the words while looking into the eyes of the one she loves so completely. It had a very romatic feel to it. *Smile*

I really enjoyed the proper use of punctuation in this to emphasize the flow and sentence structure. It allowed for a very steady, understandable, and easy to follow cadence. Nicely done.

The first stanza was a very strong introduction for the content of this piece. It shows the reader just how consuming the love is that it was consuming even when the mind was not in complete control, while the subconscious reigns in the world of dreams. A very powerful and intense beginning to pull the reader in with. My favorite part was the last stanza. It summed up the meaning of the piece very well and left me with a sense of completion; the love goes full circle.

Suggestions

None. I found no errors in punctuation, spelling, grammar, or form. I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

A gentle, emotional declaration of true, everlasting love. Very romantic and fulfilling. *Smile*

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324
324
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, D_Joy ! I am glad to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

My Reactions/Comments

My first reaction after I finished reading this was simply, wow! The tone you achieved with this was amazing. I was hooked instantly on the dark current of emotion I could sense as I read. It was enticing and compelling, very well done!!

Also, I can't help but love the characters that this was based on. I love greek mythology, but that doesn't necessarily mean I know a whole lot about it. As far as I can remember, Prometheus stole fire from Zeus to give back to the mortals, and Pandora was created by Emetheus at the order of Zeus as a sort of punishment... I would have to look it up to be sure, but based on what I can remember, the characters you have chosen really work well within the content of this piece as their union, I think, would have been forbidden.

Personally, I saw this coming from Pandora's perspective. She was often shown to be almost sly of nature, some myths even going so far as to say she was the epitome of female evil, or negativity. It felt as though she was enticing Prometheus with the use of the fire, daring him to want more. I could be way off base on this, but that's the great part about poetry, it can mean something different to different people. *Wink*

Technical Stuff

The flow of this piece was really good. The lines flowed into each other easily, and the content built at a steady rate. It wasn't just a repetition of the same idea, over and over, but a fresh take on it each time. The imagery was spectacular, I can't say enough about the choice of wording. The following line really stood out for me:

Can the eternal fire in your eyes
Change the season of a winter heart?

This took it from dark to darkly emotional. Very nice transition.

The structure of this sonnet was right on. As far as I can tell you used the a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g, scheme. The rhymes work well with each other, and I really enjoyed your word choices. I can see that a lot of thought went into their choices because they are not what would have been the easiest, but they were definitely well chosen to fit the content while allowing the tone and the mood to build up. So nice.

I also think the use of questions within this was very original. I couldn't tell you the last time I read a sonnet with a question. Usually, they are just an outright profession of love. Just one more thing for me to love about this one. I think perhaps it was the questioning that caused me to feel she was enticing him.

The repetition of the last line of the first stanza at the end of the piece was a nice touch. It left me with a powerful, dark sensation, a great note to end such an original piece. *Smile*

Suggestions

Nope, I have no suggestions. I didn't notice any errors, and I know for a fact that I couldn't improve on this piece even if I tried to. *Wink*

*Star*Overall*Star*

I found this piece to be an amazing read. It was dark, emotional, and compelling. I loved the couple you used for this piece, and the way you tied them into it without ever using their names or referencing one another. Definitely a piece I would recommend. *Thumbsup*

Happy Writing!

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325
325
Review of A Sunday Ride  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


*Smile*Hiya, Ajourni ! I noticed you have celebrated your anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am glad to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece, however, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree. *Smile*

My Reactions/Comments

I enjoyed this story. The humor added to it really worked well to lighten the mood as this progressed. The build up of tension was really nicely done. It built up slowly, little by little as she battled herself. I found I could feel her emotions easily as she counted to herself, trying to overcome her fear. The sentence structure really added to the intensity with the use of shorter sentences and hurried thoughts. Well done.

The opening sentence grabbed my attention, and the following paragraph secured it. It was ambiguous regarding 'what' exactly was happening and I found myself eager to figure it out. Especially with the line, 'No wonder they're staring, I mentally screeched at myself, You're crazy!'. It made me wonder just how crazy, which propelled me into the story to find out. Good work.

The tone was strong throughout and added well to the mood. I felt compassion for her, and found myself laughing more out of being able to relate to her than anything else. When the words came to her as though garbled, I couldn't help myself. That has happened to me before, and I think the ability to relate really added to the humor for me.

I like how this ended, with her refusal to give up. It finished the piece off with an inspirational air and conveyed an important message. Considering the length of this piece, I think you did a great job on her character development. Though there was no back ground exposition, I don't feel there needed to be. It was enough to know she was deathly afraid and still detemined to see it through.

Suggestions:

*Bullet*my stomach clenching and a cold sweating breaking forth on my skin.
The use of two 'ing' words together like this disrupted the flow of the sentence. Consider using 'sweat' rahter than 'sweating'.

*Bullet*It suddenly occurred to me that when people experienced extreme fear they sometimes lost control of their bladders.
I think this could be stated in present tense. For example, It suddenly occured to me that when people experience extreme fear, they sometimes lose control of bladder function.

Overall

I found this to be a well rounded piece with the use of emotional content, intense descriptions that allowed me to 'feel' what the character was feeling, and just enough humour. Well done. *Smile*

Happy Writing!


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